Shattered
by Sweet Lunacy
Summary: When Jennifer Shepard is violently raped one freezing dark night, the NCIS family must come together to help her through the ordeal and its aftermath. Deals with violence, alcoholism, depression, and attempted murder. Jibbs, Tiva, McAbby if you squint.
1. Beginnings Born of Tragedy

**A/N: This deals with serious subject matter. You have been warned. Not intensely graphic, but this deals with rape and assault. **

* * *

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sighed as he put his sander down on his work table. He couldn't find his cell phone and it was driving him crazy. He firmly believed in rule three and knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate until he found the small device. He'd had it on the drive home from work, that much he was sure of. Knowing it was probably in his truck, he decided that he would go search for it and made his way up the stairs. If it wasn't there, he had absolutely no idea where it could be.

Wrenching open his front door, he frowned when he tripped over something lying on his front porch and when he glanced down, he swore loudly. The _something_ he had tripped over was a some_one_ and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he noticed that the someone was covered in blood. Kneeling down, the sinking feeling in his stomach intensified as he took in the features of the person on his porch. The pale skin, thin frame and fiery red hair could belong to no one else. He reached out cautiously, turning her over and when her wide green eyes locked on his, he forgot how to breathe.

"Jen? What the hell happened to you? Are you okay?"

She didn't answer, and when he tried to brush her hair back so that he could see her face better, she jerked away. He moved slower on his second attempt and when his hand touched her cheek, he could feel how badly she was shaking. Holding out his hand, he helped her to her feet, trying to take in every detail of her disheveled appearance.

With an arm around her shoulders, he led her into his house, sitting her gently on the couch in the his living room. He flipped on the light switch and she shut her eyes against the brightness. Kneeling in front of her, his eyes roamed over her body, checking for any serious injuries. Finding none, he straightened and made his way into the kitchen, returning with a damp towel.

Gibbs gently set about cleaning the blood from her face and each time she winced, he stopped until she nodded. Finally, he had finished, offering her a glass of bourbon, and when he sat down next to her, she didn't move away.

"Whenever you're ready, Jen."

"I..." she paused, clearly fighting back tears, and he took her hand gently, "I was on my way home from work, walking to my car..."

She shook her head and he frowned as he took inventory of her injuries. A bruise was beginning to blossom under her left eye, there were definite finger marks around her throat, her bottom lip was cut, and there was a ring of bruises circling her wrists. Her voice was hoarse, whether from screaming or the hands that had tried to strangle her, he didn't know, but he was furious.

"I couldn't really see who it was. Too dark, but I did notice that he had a tattoo. I'll sketch out what I remember later. I tried to stop it, Jethro..I really did, but..."

Her voice faltered and he shook his head, looking at her seriously.

"It's not your fault, Jenny. I promise."

She looked back at him, and he could feel the fear radiating from her. Wrapping his arm around her, he kissed her temple. Her head fell onto his shoulder and when she spoke next, he could hear the tears in her voice.

"I tried...I screamed, and tried to get away...I—God, Jethro, I was so scared."

Jenny turned into his chest, her hands clinging to his shirt and he held her close as her tears soaked his clothing. He was beyond furious at what had happened to her, but he knew that right now, she was the most important thing to focus on.

"Shh...I know, Jen. You're safe here. Nothing's going to hurt you. I promise."

She sobbed in his arms and when she had finally calmed down a bit, he shifted so that he could look in her eyes.

"Jen...I know you don't want to hear this, but we need to do a rape kit. There might be physical evidence."

Her eyes widened and her head shook desperately.

"Please, Jethro. Don't make me go to a hospital. The press. Someone would find out. He might come after me again."

He placed his finger over her lips, stopping her protests and shook his own head.

"We'll call Ducky. He'll know what to do."

* * *

When Doctor Donald Mallard entered the autopsy room, nothing could have prepared him for the sight in front of him. Sitting on the cold table, wrapped in a coat much too big, tightly gripping the hand of the man standing next to her, was Jennifer Shepard. He'd known something was wrong when Gibbs had asked him to return to work at 2300 on a Friday night, but he'd never expected this.

"My goodness. Jennifer, are you alright?"

"A word, Duck."

Gibbs took him by the arm after releasing Jenny's hand, and led him to the hallway. Glancing over his shoulder once, Ducky looked up at the younger man, confusion written all over his face.

"What's happened?"

"Need you to do a rape kit, Ducky."

The doctor drew in a sharp breath and nodded.

"I'll explain when you're done. And Duck? Be careful. She's scared out of her mind."

"Of course."

They stepped back into the room and Ducky gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Jenny didn't return it, and when he took a step closer, she recoiled. Gibbs placed a hand on the small of her back and she moved as close to him as possible. Ducky reached for a pair of gloves and attempted to remove the coat from her shoulders. Jenny closed her eyes and turned away, her entire body shaking.

"Jen, it's okay. It's just Ducky. He's not going to hurt you."

Jethro's voice was low in her ear, and when she opened her eyes, they landed on the doctor waiting patiently in front of her. Searching his eyes, Jenny finally nodded and shrugged off the coat, handing it to Gibbs.

"Do you want me to leave, Jen?"

She thought for a moment, and finally nodded. She knew she'd be safe with Ducky. Gibbs squeezed her hand once and gave Ducky a sad smile as he left them alone, knowing her privacy was very important to her.

"I know it's uncomfortable my dear, but could you lie back for me?"

Her eyes locking with Ducky's, Jenny did as he asked, closing her eyes slowly As Ducky began his examination, she tried desperately to pretend that she was somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else.

* * *

"Jethro, we're finished."

Gibbs turned at the sound of the doctor's voice and nodded. As he made to return to the autopsy room, Ducky's hand on his arm halted his steps.

"What happened?"

"I was working on my boat. Couldn't find my phone, so I went out to look in my truck. When I opened my front door, she was laying on my porch. Covered in blood, shaking, scared. I brought her in the house to check for any kind of life-threatening injuries."

"Did she say anything?"

"Not much. She said she was on her way to her car. Didn't see who it was, but she said he had a tattoo. Said she'd sketch it later. That's about it."

Ducky sighed, shaking his head sadly.

"Well, whoever it was took great precautions. Wore a condom and gloves. I found traces of latex on her skin. Nothing under her nails to run for DNA, but with it being so cold out, he was probably well layered. No exposed skin for her to touch. Her wrists are severely bruised, so she was most likely restrained for the duration. She's not speaking, but given the state of her throat, I'm not surprised. Any use of her vocal chords will be quite painful for some time. I'm more concerned with her emotional state than anything physical right now. She's likely going to be very jumpy for awhile. Very distrusting. I would suggest her taking a few days off from work, but you know how stubborn Jennifer can be."

He nodded.

"What can I do?"

Ducky placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at him seriously.

"Be there for her. She's going to need someone she trusts. Be patient with her."

Gibbs nodded again and headed for the door. When he walked through, he focused on the redhead in front of him, careful not to move too quickly.

"Jen?"

She glanced up at him, her eyes empty.

"We can leave now."

Nodding, she reached for the coat he'd given her and he gently helped her down from the table. Her body was shaking violently and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. As they passed Ducky, Jenny paused and reached out to hug him tightly. Gibbs met Ducky's eyes over the top of her head and a silent understanding passed between them. One way or another, they would find the person who had hurt her.

* * *

Leading her towards his bedroom, Gibbs frowned when Jenny shook her head. Looking down at her, he could see the fear in her eyes, and he took her hand.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to sleep," she said, her voice hoarse.

He nodded.

"You can stay with me while I work on the boat," he offered.

Jenny smiled and he turned them both to the basement steps. When she slid onto the stool by his work table, he gave her a smile as he picked up his sander. He could feel her eyes following his movements, so when she finally spoke, it came as no surprise.

"Thank you, Jethro."

Her voice was soft, and he turned to face her. His eyes softened when he saw that there were tears in her eyes and he crossed the room, standing in front of her.

"Anytime."

He poured bourbon into two mason jars and she downed it quickly. He sipped his own, watching her carefully. The last thing he needed was for her to get hurt because she was drunk. She reached for the bottle of bourbon and he shook his head gently.

"Slow down, Jenny. It's not going anywhere."

Nodding, Jenny slid off the stool and made her way to the couch that Abby had insisted he buy. He still rarely used it, but it was perfect for her needs now. She laid down and watched him as he sanded, the soft sound providing a sense of security she hadn't known she needed until then, and within minutes, she had fallen asleep. Gibbs watched her for a moment, and smiled as she slept, hoping she was getting much needed rest.

* * *

_As she made her way to her car, Jenny was thankful for the darkness that shielded her from any scrutiny. Her legs still burned from her run in the gym and she was so focused on the relief of the bath she was going to have that she didn't notice the eyes that followed her. Just as she was nearing her car in the lot, a rough hand grabbed her wrist, spinning her around. Fighting the urge to scream, she struggled against the vice-like hold on her arm and as she was forced to the ground, her free hand lashed out. It connected with the face of her attacker, but it wasn't enough for her to be able to break away. _

_ A second hand found her throat, tightening painfully as she resisted and when her dress pants were ripped from her body, she finally screamed, earning a hard slap to her face. The slap rattled her, and her teeth sank down into her bottom lip. She tasted blood and as it poured from her mouth, she whimpered._

_ "You even __**think**__ about screaming again, and I'll slit that pretty throat of yours. Understand?"_

_ Properly terrified now, she nodded and closed her eyes as the hand around her throat tightened even more. She kept struggling, and when she was roughly entered, she couldn't stop the tears that fell from her eyes. What seemed to last hours in reality was less than fifteen minutes and when she was finally released, she coughed roughly, trying and failing to stop the sobs that tore through her entire body._

Jenny screamed as she woke, her eyes frantically trying to see in the darkness. Hands grabbed her and she struggled violently, desperate to get away.

"Jenny, it's okay. Jen...you're safe. Calm down. It's okay."

Wait. She knew that voice. Emerald eyes found cobalt blue in the blackness and she relaxed.

"Jethro?"

"I'm right here."

She collapsed against his chest, her breathing ragged, and as he cradled her in his arms, she held onto him tightly.

"You're safe, Jen. Nothing's gonna hurt you."

Jenny raised her head to look at him and she threw her arms around his neck. He held her as tightly as he dared and ran his fingers through her hair. A gentle kiss was placed on her cheek and when she spoke, her voice was somewhat calmer.

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

"Don't apologise."

"I know," she murmured, "Sign of weakness."

"No," he shook his head, "You just don't have anything to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong."

Gibbs held her closer and kissed her. She pulled away and looked up at him, trying to keep the tears in her eyes from falling.

"I feel so stupid. I should have never been out at night like that."

"No, Jenny. Don't blame yourself for this. None of this is your fault."

Jenny buried her head in his chest and when Gibbs felt her grip on his shirt loosen, he gently maneuvered her so that she was laying on the couch once more. He'd never seen Jenny this vulnerable and it was unnerving. He watched her sleep for longer than he would ever admit and when he felt his own eyes growing heavy, he laid down under the skeleton of his boat. His last waking thought was of how he was going to help the woman currently sleeping in his basement.

* * *

The scent of coffee roused Jenny from her sleep and she blinked slowly. A cup sat on the ground near her and when she glanced around the room, she found she was alone. Reaching for the coffee, she was relieved that it was still hot and she took a tentative sip. He still remembered how she took her coffee and though it wasn't a huge detail, it made her smile. Soft footsteps signaled his return and when he saw her, hair tousled from sleep, makeup slightly smudged and a smile on her face, he gave her a smile of his own. She looked beautiful, in spite of the bruises on her skin, or perhaps because of them. She'd been through something he couldn't even imagine and still managed to stay so strong. She was breathtaking.

"Morning, Jen."

It had been years since he'd said those words to her off the job, but it still felt so natural. She raised her eyes to his and smiled.

"Morning. What time is it?"

"0745."

She nodded and he watched her for a moment, trying to decide if he should approach her. Finally, he settled on the work stool and fixed her with a curious look.

"How did you sleep?"

"I've had better," she admitted.

He nodded, taking a long drink from his cup.

"I figured."

They lapsed into comfortable silence as he sanded and she drank her coffee. She admired the way his hands were so steady on the wood, the way his eyes were so focused, and she wondered what it would be like to have him that focused on her again. As much as she'd tried to ignore her feelings since she'd come back, she couldn't deny just how much she'd missed him. He must have felt her watching him, because he turned and his trademark smirk adorned his face as he looked over at her.

"Want to help?"

She shook her head.

"No. The boat is your thing. I don't want to intrude."

He held out his hand, smiling.

"Come on, Jen. I'll teach you."

Sighing, she drained her coffee cup and reached for his outstretched hand. The jolt that passed through her at his touch made her eyes widen, but she said nothing. He handed her the sander and as she held it, his own hands closed around hers, moving them slowly with the grain of the wood. His body was warm against hers and she unconsciously leaned back into him, breathing in the scent of sawdust, bourbon, and coffee.

"See? It's easy."

His breath was warm in her ear and she shivered. Just before he stepped back, Gibbs placed a light kiss on the shell of her ear and when she turned, he was already at the work table. Jenny stopped sanding the boat and faced him, a puzzled look on her face.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"What are we doing here?"

"Sanding my boat. Drinking coffee."

She rolled her eyes so hard that for a moment he was worried they would fall from the sockets.

"You know what I meant. Us. What are we?"

He came closer to her, pinning her between the boat and his body, but giving her enough space that she wouldn't feel trapped.

"What do you want us to be? You know how I feel about you. I'm leaving this up to you."

She frowned.

"No, actually, I don't know. I told you years ago that I loved you and you threw it back in my face."

He frowned. She did have a point.

"I shouldn't have done that," he admitted, "I'm sorry."

Jenny smiled.

"Thought apologising was a sign of weakness."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not between friends."

He leaned a bit closer to her, noting the way her breath caught, and he smiled.

"Ball's in your court, Jen."

She was silent, considering her options carefully. He kissed her cheek, lingering a bit longer than necessary, and when her hand reached up to touch his face gently, she smiled.

"I think you know what I want."

Jenny pulled him down to her, threading her fingers through his hair as she kissed him. He broke away after a few seconds and he smirked.

"Yeah, I think I got the memo."

* * *

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had never seen someone so drunk in his entire life. Not, at least, someone that was as drunk as Jenny was and still able to stand. Her eyes were glazed with alcohol, and judging by the way she was clinging to the door frame, she was dangerously close to falling.

"Jen? Are you okay?"

She nodded, and he wondered if she was even able to speak.

"What are you doing here?"

Well, that was one of his questions answered. Her words were slurred, but he still understood her perfectly.

"I wanted to see if you were okay."

"I'm fine."

She stepped back to allow him entrance and when she stumbled, his hand instinctively reached out to steady her. Her eyes widened at his hand on her arm and she frowned.

"Yeah," he remarked dryly, "I can see how _fine_ you are. Let me help you inside."

He led her into the house, shutting the door and he watched as she staggered to her living room, amazed that she had ever made it to answer the door in the first place. He followed her, wondering what had caused her to go on this drinking binge and as she sank down on her couch, he frowned at her uncharacteristic laugh.

"Jen, what's going on?"

"Wanted to forget," she murmured.

He nodded, making his way over to her. He sat next to her and when she rested her head on his shoulder, he could smell the bourbon on her breath. Her lips trailed along his throat and he sighed. Alcohol always made Jenny chatty and bold. She flicked her tongue against his earlobe and he pulled away from her, looking at her seriously.

"Jen, we can't. Not like this."

She pouted, but kept kissing his throat. When she finally captured his lips with her own, his resolve had weakened, and he kissing her back hungrily. He ran his hand through her long hair, and pulled her shirt from her body, trailing his lips over her exposed skin. Calloused fingers roamed over her legs and after a few moments, found the button on her jeans.

As Jethro's hand reached for the waistband of her jeans, Jenny's eyes flew open. Flashes of another hand roughly pulling her clothing from her body flickered through her mind and she began to shake. Pushing his chest, she scrambled backward, her eyes wild.

"Don't. Don't touch me."

"Jen, what—"

"Don't touch me!" she screamed, tears falling from her eyes.

He frowned, handing her the shirt she had discarded and as she pulled it over her head, he inwardly cursed himself. He should have known that this would be too much too soon. His eyes landed on her as she wrapped her arms around herself and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Jen. I promise, I'm not going to hurt you."

Her head shook and she fixed him with a look that nearly took his breath away. He'd never seen such fear and pain in her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to take it away.

"I know, Jethro. I know. I'm sorry, I just—I got freaked out for a second."

He tentatively reached out his hand and when she didn't protest, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, and he placed a gentle kiss to her temple. She suddenly tensed in his arms and he frowned when she bolted from the couch, throwing her hand over her mouth. Stumbling into the bathroom, she barely had time to gather her hair back before she was violently sick.

Jethro walked into the small room, kneeling behind her, and took her hair in his hands. Her body convulsed as she leaned over the porcelain and when she had finally stopped, she leaned back against his chest.

"Better?"

"Not really. I'm never drinking this much again."

"I hope not," he said seriously.

"Jethro, you act like-"

Her words were cut short as she felt the bile rise in her throat. He rubbed her back soothingly and after she had rinsed her mouth, he swept her up into his arms.

"You need to get some sleep, Jen."

"Will you stay?"

"Sure. But only if you sleep."

Jenny nodded against his body and as he placed her on the couch, he noticed she had already passed out. He pulled out his phone, dialing quickly and when a voice answered on the second ring, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ducky, got a minute?"

"Of course, Jethro. How may I help you?"

"It's Jenny. She's drunker than I've ever seen her. She kissed me, and when things got a little heavy, she freaked. How can I fix it?"

Ducky sighed and Gibbs tapped his foot impatiently.

"Jethro, you cannot _fix_ her. Jennifer isn't a broken window. She's likely experiencing PTSD and it's going to take time for her to heal. She's going to be very fragile for awhile. All you can do is take things slow and be there for her."

As much as he knew Ducky was right, Gibbs didn't like the answer. He didn't like problems or situations that he had no control over. Jenny's pain was something he had never experienced and as such, he was unsure of how to help her. After talking to the doctor for a few more minutes, Jethro hung up and turned his attention to his sleeping redhead. He ran his fingers through the fiery silken strands and leaned down to kiss her gently.

"I love you, Jen."

He had no idea how long it would take for Jenny to recover. No idea if they would ever find the man responsible for hurting her, but he swore on his wife and daughter's memories that he would do everything in his power to keep her safe.

* * *

**A/N: I'm undecided on whether or not I should continue this. Thoughts?**


	2. Black Tie

**A/N: By request, here is part two. Hope you enjoy! Rated for a reason. Jibbs, as always.**

* * *

Though it was common knowledge that Gibbs hated any kind of function that could be considered even remotely black-tie, he was thankful to be at this one. Jenny had refused any security detail except him and his team, and he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him feel better knowing they were watching her. She swept into his direct line of vision and he allowed himself a long gaze while she wasn't paying attention. With her hair intricately arranged atop her head, wearing a long black gown with crystal beading glittering in the lights, and her lips painted deep red, she was the very epitome of elegance. Only he knew the length of the dress was hiding heels that screamed sex. On anyone else, black was sophisticated and refined. On Jenny, it was more than a little sinful. His eyes lingered on her, and he longed to have other places stained crimson by her lips.

She caught his eye as she passed and he nodded once. He knew Tony and Ziva were watching the doors and McGee was braving the cold to stand guard outside. Nothing would get past them. And on the off-chance that it did, Gibbs swore on his life that nothing would get past _him_. Jenny lifted a glass of champagne, taking a slow drink and as she spoke to Senator Jenkins, he could feel her annoyance carefully hidden behind her smile.

"It's been wonderful to see you, Senator."

"I couldn't agree more, Director Shepard."

Flashing him a smile, Jenny turned to leave and before she could take a step, the Senator's hand closed around her wrist. She froze, her eyes glued to his hand, and when he offered her a smile, she didn't return it.

"Careful. The waiter nearly crashed into you."

Jenny blinked, noticing the young waiter for the first time. She nodded and whispered her thanks as she turned again. Even from where he stood, Gibbs could see that she was shaken, and he quickly crossed the room to her.

"You okay?"

His voice was low, not wanting to attract attention, but she didn't appear to have heard him.

"Jenny?"

Finally, she nodded, her face blank, and when she walked away, Gibbs frowned. Her smile was back, but if anyone she was speaking to had really paid her any kind of attention other than eyeing her up and down, they would have seen it was forced.

* * *

As soon as the car door had shut behind her, Jenny dropped her head in her hands and sighed. Gibbs slid into the seat next to her, and as her driver pulled away, he fixed her with a concerned look.

"You want to talk about it?"

Her head shook and he placed a hand on her knee. She still hadn't looked at him, and it was beginning to make him nervous.

"Not here," she said softly.

He nodded and took her hand in his. He lightly ran his thumb across her skin and she smiled at the contact. He wanted to kiss her, hold her in his arms, anything that would make her feel safer, but he knew as long as they were being observed, they had to keep up the pretense of Director and agent. Once they were alone, however...

* * *

Several agonising minutes later, they stopped in front of Jenny's house and Gibbs stepped out to open her door. Offering her his hand, he helped her exit the car, giving her driver a wave as he drove off. He carefully led her up the steps and when she swept past him, he caught the scent of her perfume.

"Jenny?"

She turned as he locked her front door, and he could see the strain the evening had put on her.

"Can I at least take my heels off before we get into this? My feet are killing me."

"Told you not to wear those."

She smirked.

"Yeah, but they just look so damn good."

Though she was joking, he couldn't help but agree. She carefully removed the shoes, and as she stood before him, he noticed just how much smaller she was without them. It filled him with an overwhelming desire to protect her, and she sat down on the couch, inviting him to join her.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," she admitted slowly, "When Senator Jenkins grabbed my wrist, it..it made me have a flashback. I know he wasn't going to hurt me, but for a second...it was like..."

"It was like you were back there, wasn't it?"

She nodded, and he reached out to touch her cheek. She frowned as he pulled his hand away and stared at his hand.

"What was that for?"

"Well, what good am I if I can't even wipe away your tears? Some security detail."

Her frown intensified and she brought her own fingers to her face.

"I didn't even realise I was crying."

She stared at her hand for a moment and he touched her knee lightly.

"It's okay."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts and when his voice broke it, he couldn't keep the laughter from his words.

"I thought you were going to murder the Director of the FBI."

She laughed.

"Well, maybe if he hadn't been staring at me like I was a piece of meat all night..."

"To be fair," Gibbs looked at her seriously, "you look exceptionally beautiful tonight."

A light blush crept into her skin and she smiled, glancing over at him.

"You just want to get me into bed, Jethro."

"Well, yeah," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing, "but it's still true."

Gibbs leaned closer, brushing his lips over hers and when she pulled him closer, he smiled. His fingers went to her hair, carefully pulling out the pins that held it in place and it tumbled around her face in gentle waves that were messy but still breathtaking. He pushed it to one side and trailed his mouth along her throat, eliciting a sharp gasp from Jenny.

Her head fell back and she forced herself to open her eyes. Raising up slightly, Jenny looked at Jethro with an amused glint in her eyes.

"I don't think the couch is big enough for this, Jethro."

He nodded, standing and holding out his hand. She took it and when he pulled her against him, he smirked.

"Hey, Jen? You remember that sexual harassment seminar we had to attend?"

"Mhm."

"Would this be considered red light behaviour?"

Jenny smacked his arm lightly, laughing.

"Shut up, Jethro."

"I forget, red means "go", right? Or is that yellow?"

He kissed her, not oblivious to the way she clung to his shoulders.

"Did you pay _any_ attention to that class?"

Jethro shook his head.

"Nope. My attention was on something much more interesting."

"And what might that have been?"

"You, obviously. You're very distracting."

As she kissed him again, she noticed the dark red makeup staining his lips and she reached out to wipe it away. He stopped her with a gentle hand on her wrist and smiled.

"Leave it. I've been dreaming about that damn lipstick all night."

He picked her up in his arms and made his way to the stairs, taking care not to run them into any walls. As he set her on her feet, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to her own. His tongue danced over hers and she moaned into his mouth. Fumbling for the zipper on her dress, Jethro growled in frustration as it refused to move, and Jenny laughed softly.

"Don't tear it, Jethro. This dress is expensive."

"Bill me," he murmured against her throat.

She replaced his hand with her own and deftly slid the zipper down, stepped out of the dress as it pooled at her feet. Her fingers went to his shirt, quickly undoing the buttons and when she pushed it from his shoulders, he smirked.

"In a hurry, Jen?"

"Would you rather I stopped?"

Her voice was so serious that for a moment, he simply stared at her. When she smiled, he kissed her again, and he pushed her back towards the bed. As he looked down at her, he ran his hand through her hair, catching her eyes seriously.

"Are you sure?"

"Jethro—"

"I'm serious, Jen. Are you okay with this?"

She nodded, and crashed her lips onto his. He touched her cautiously, not wanting to cause her to have any kind of flashbacks, and she sighed against his mouth.

"Jethro...I'm not going to break."

She hooked her leg around his waist and flipped them so that he was under her, her lips trailing down his chest. Before she could move too low, he pulled her up by her shoulders and kissed her throat. She laughed as he flipped them again, her breaths shallow. He dipped his tongue into the hollow between her breasts, tasting the salt of her skin, and she arched her body into his. Jenny moaned his name, biting down on her lip to keep from screaming, and he smirked as he pulled the remaining clothes from their bodies.

"Jethro..."

He looked down at her and the lust in her eyes nearly took his breath away. She brought her lips to his throat, sucking the skin between her teeth. He moaned and she smirked against him as she ran her tongue along the shell of his ear.

"God, Jen."

She kissed him again, and his hips jerked of their own accord. He kissed her deeply, all teeth and tongue, biting down on her bottom lip, taking great pleasure in the moan that fell from her throat.

"Jesus _Christ_, Jethro. Are you trying to kill me?"

"Maybe," he smirked.

"Hell of a way to go," Jenny quipped.

She raked her fingers through his hair and when she kissed him again, she held him as tightly as she could.

"Jethro, please..."

He brought his lips to her throat, his breath hot on her skin.

"Tell me, Jen. What do you want?"

Her head fell back and he kissed down to her breasts, swirling his tongue around the hardened peaks.

"Jen? Answer me."

"I c-can't," she gasped, her body arching upwards, "I can't think straight."

Jethro smirked as he let his hands roam over her skin. He hooked Jenny's leg around him, whispering her name as her hands tangled in his hair. She bit down on his pulse point and he knew there would be a mark the next morning., but he didn't care.

"Tell me what you want, Jen."

She moaned and he rolled the nipple of her breast between his fingers.

"God, Jethro..."

Her grip in his hair was tight and he could feel her body shaking as he kissed her. Her head fell back and he used the angle to bite down on her throat. She tried to open her eyes, but the sensations his mouth created made it impossible.

"Jethro...touch me. Please."

He smirked, surprised it had taken her so long to answer, and he trailed his hand down her body. He slid his fingers into her and she let out a gasp that morphed into a moan. Her hips met his hands and she fought to breathe. He gripped her hips hard enough to bruise and stopped her movements. She whimpered and he drug his teeth over her racing pulse.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his breath warm in her ear.

He released his hold on her hips and as he sped up his fingers, she gasped his name. He moved his head down her body, needing to taste her, and when his tongue glided over her, she cried out, her hips bucking upwards.

"Don't stop," she whispered.

He kept his pace, curling his fingers inside her and flicking his tongue against her. She could feel the familiar tightening in her abdomen and when she shattered under him, she couldn't stop the scream that fell from her lips.

He looked up at her with eyes that were positively wicked and as he was about to enter her, she stopped him with a hand on his chest. He could see the trepidation in her eyes and he frowned.

"I can't, Jethro. Not yet."

He nodded and when she flipped them, he frowned. She glanced at him once before she wrapped her lips around his hard length, smiling as she heard his sharp breath. Jenny wrapped her hand around him, moving in time to the rhythm of her mouth and when she swirled her tongue over the tip, he jerked beneath her. She relaxed her jaw and took him in fully, squeezing lightly as she stroked upward. Her teeth gently scraped the flesh and he groaned, tangling his hands in her long hair.

It took all of his willpower not to push her head down farther and when his hips jerked, he eyed her worriedly.

"Jen?"

She met his eyes, not stopping her movements and he knew she understood. Her free hand rubbed his thigh, letting him know that she was okay, and he closed his eyes again. Jenny's tongue flicked over his head and he gripped her hair tighter. He couldn't stop himself from thrusting into her mouth and as his world exploded behind his closed eyelids, her name fell from his lips like a prayer.

"Jen..."

"Yes?"

He pulled her up into his arms, holding her against his chest and kissed her.

"You're amazing."

Jenny smirked.

"You're not so bad yourself, gunny."

* * *

_No matter how hard she fought, Jenny couldn't escape the hands that held her down. She tried to scream, but the tight grip on her throat robbed her of any air she might have had. Closing her eyes, she fought the tears and when she looked up, her heart nearly stopped. Jethro's hands pinned her down, ripping her clothing from her body and as the tears fell, her screams fell on deaf ears._

Jenny jerked awake, her body trembling, and stared in the darkness. Her hair was slightly damp and when she felt movement next to her, she gasped.

"Jen? Wassamatter?"

Jethro raised up, peering at her with sleep-filled eyes, and even in the darkness, he could see her fear. Reaching for her, he frowned when she jerked away, her breathing shallow.

"Don't."

"Jen, what's wrong?"

He tried to touch her again, and she scrambled away from his hand.

"Don't touch me."

He dropped his hand, watching her with concerned eyes and when she finally seemed to calm down, he spoke.

"You're safe, Jenny. Nothing's gonna hurt you. I promise."

Her face crumbled and without warning, she threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his neck. She wasn't crying, but he would be lying if he said that a few tears of his own hadn't fallen.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I feel so weak and pathetic."

He pulled back to stare at her and forced her to meet his gaze.

"Jennifer Shepard. You listen to me. You are _not_ weak and you are most definitely not pathetic. You are the strongest woman I know. I've seen you take down international gunmen, arms dealers, you took a bullet to the thigh and didn't even scream. Hell, you didn't even scream when I cut that bullet out of your leg. You're an incredible person."

Jenny smiled sadly at his words and he kissed her gently. He could taste the salt on her lips and she leaned into him.

"If I ever hear you say that about yourself again, I'll head slap you so hard that you'll see stars."

She laughed and he ran his hand through her hair.

"I love you, Jen."

She stiffened in his arms and when she looked up at him, he could see the tears in her eyes.

"Jethro...you...you've never said that to me before."

He nodded.

"Should have. I'm saying it now."

Jenny frowned and he was suddenly worried that he had said the wrong thing.

"You mean it? You didn't just say it because of the situation?"

"No," he held her closer, kissing her hair, "I meant every word. I love you."

She smiled against his chest and when they settled back down under the sheets, she traced her nails over his skin.

"I love you, too."

* * *

Jenny still couldn't believe it. He loved her. Leroy Jethro Gibbs had told her that he loved her. They weren't in a life or death situation, they weren't undercover, and he had said those three words she'd never thought she would hear. She sat down behind her desk, fully intending to read her emails, but she found that she couldn't concentrate. Her thoughts were filled with a certain silver-haired agent and she sighed, placing her head in her hands.

Behind her closed eyes, the image of a yin-yang symbol flashed, unbidden, and she jumped. Fumbling for a piece of paper and a pen, she quickly sketched out the design while it was still fresh and she frowned. She needed to speak to Jethro. Urgently.

"Cynthia?"

"Yes, Director?"

"Hold my calls for the next hour, please."

"Yes, ma'am."

Jenny stood, the piece of paper held tightly in her thin fingers and walked purposefully to the catwalk. As she had suspected, Gibbs and his team were still there, and as she walked down the steps, she caught Ziva's eye, flashing her a smile. Walking around to Jethro's desk, she handed him the paper without a word and as he scanned it, his eyes filled with confusion.

"What's this?"

"The sketch I promised you last week. Last Friday night," she said pointedly.

He jerked his head towards the elevator and she followed, fighting the urge to laugh at Tony's confused expression. Gibbs flipped the switch and the lift powered down, leaving them illuminated by the blueish emergency lights.

"You remembered?"

She nodded.

"I brought it to you as soon as I'd finished."

"Jen," he began, his voice cautious, "you know we have to investigate this. It happened on the premises. It could be someone in this very building."

Jenny sighed, nodding slowly. She'd been trying to avoid this. The last thing she wanted was her colleagues finding out that she'd been attacked. The bruises on her skin were still visible if one looked closely, but she'd done a very good job of covering them with makeup, long sleeves, and scarves.

"Do you remember where the tattoo was?"

"Just above his wrist," she whispered, "I saw it when his coat sleeve moved after he ripped my clothes."

He wrapped her in his arms, kissing her hair. This was going to be hard for her and nothing he could do would change that. He only hoped that she would let him in. When she took a deep breath and stepped back from his embrace, he flipped the switch again. They would have to face this head-on, and the longer they delayed, the greater chance they stood to fail.

* * *

"Listen up! Got a case. Looking for a man with a tattoo on his arm, right above the wrist bone."

"That's it? No facial description? Hair, eye colour, height, weight?"

"I'd say around your height, DiNozzo. Dark hair. Average build."

Gibbs looked to Jenny, seeking confirmation. She nodded once and Tony frowned.

"What'd he do? Is he dead?"

"Unfortunately, no," Gibbs muttered angrily.

"Jethro..." Jenny's warning was clear.

He shrugged and motioned for his team to follow him. Leading them into the elevator, he pressed the button for Abby's lab, trying to look at anyplace other than Jenny. He wanted to at least make the elevator ride less awkward for her. It was about to blow up in their faces either way.

* * *

Abby smiled as they entered, but as soon as she took in their confusion and Jethro's seriousness, she frowned. Jenny's presence only solidified her belief that this was of the upmost importance and she looked to Gibbs.

"What's going on?"

"Got a case. Looking for a man with a tattoo on his arm, right above the wrist. Got a sketch of it. Abby, I'm gonna need you to get with Ducky to discuss his findings and triple check every piece of evidence we find. We can't afford to miss anything."

"Boss, we don't even have a body. You said he's not dead."

"He will be if I find him," Gibbs spat.

Tony raised an eyebrow and McGee frowned.

"This case is strictly need-to-know. No one outside of our team, Ducky, and the Director are to know anything about this. Is that clear?"

They all nodded and Ziva finally spoke.

"What is it that this man is wanted for?"

"Assault of a high sexual nature."

"Rape," Ziva clarified.

"Who reported it?" McGee asked slowly.

"I did."

They all turned to look at their redheaded Director who had been unusually quiet throughout their questions and Ziva frowned.

"You saw it?"

"Not exactly," Jenny sighed, unable to meet her eyes.

Her meaning suddenly clicked and Ziva took a step forward. Jenny automatically stepped back, and they all understood.

"Director...why didn't you say something?"

"I did. Just not to you."

Her eyes flickered to Gibbs and Tony nodded, his expression more serious than any of them had ever seen.

"When did it happen?"

"Last Friday night. Outside the building," Gibbs answered, "All of the evidence we collected from Director Shepard is with Ducky. Photos, witness statements, and the results of the rape kit will be given to Abby, and I want all of you to keep any copies under lock and key. None of this leaves the building. None of it gets passed to any outside parties, not even legal. Everything will be approved or denied by the Director."

After the team had all nodded their assent, Abby raised her hand tentatively. Gibbs raised his eyebrow in question and she lowered it.

"Permission to hug?"

Jenny smiled, pretending she didn't notice the tears in the younger woman's eyes. Or her own, for that matter.

"Granted."

Abby ran across the room, flinging her arms around Jenny and only Jethro's hand at the small of her back stopped Jenny from toppling over.

"Don't worry. We'll find him."

Jenny smiled at her words and glanced over at Gibbs as she let go. His eyes told her that they'd talk later and she nodded as he began giving orders.

"McGee, I want you to check all the security tapes from last Friday night until Saturday morning. Tony, find out which guards were running the gates that night. Ziva, check every person in the building for that tattoo. I don't care how, just get it done. Abby, check in with Ducky."

It wasn't until they had all scattered that he noticed Jenny had left the room.

* * *

He found her twenty minutes later as she exited the women's restroom and when he cornered her in the hall, she frowned.

"Can I help you, Agent Gibbs?"

He smirked.

"Yeah. Got something I need you to look over in your office."

Nodding, she led the way to her door, locking it behind them. As soon as he heard the click, Gibbs pulled her into his arms, holding her against him as tightly as he could. She inhaled the scent of coffee and sawdust and when he looked down at her, his expression was serious.

"You okay?"

Jenny sighed and stepped back, fixing her gaze to the ground.

"I never wanted them to know."

He tilted her chin up with his hand and kissed her cheek.

"I know. But we're gonna catch this bastard. No one is ever gonna lay a hand on you again. I promise."

Jenny held his gaze for a long moment and as she walked around to sit behind her desk, he watched her closely. Her hands shook as she reached for her coffee cup and when she spoke, there was a sadness in her voice that he hadn't heard before.

"Don't make promises that you can't keep, Jethro."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are like caffeine. They keep me going.**


	3. Fragile

**A/N: Wow, two updates in one day! Please, don't get used to it. Daylight Savings Time is really messing with my sleeping schedule, so I imagine a crash is imminent in the next few days. Anyway, here's the next part. Also, a HUGE thank you to my reviewers! You have no idea how happy you guys make me! Enjoy!**

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he took in Jenny's empty office. He knew she hadn't left for the day, but he hadn't been able to find her anywhere. As he passed Cynthia on her way out, he called her name, hoping maybe she could provide an answer.

"Yes, Agent Gibbs?"

"Have you seen Director Shepard?"

She smiled.

"Last I saw her, she was in the gym. Probably still there."

He nodded, hitting the button to call the elevator. He nearly collided with Ducky as he stepped in and frowned.

"Jethro, I was just on my way to see you."

"Find anything?"

The doctor shook his head, flipping the emergency switch.

"I'm afraid not. The only DNA we've found on anything is Jennifer's. That's not what you wanted to hear, I'm sure, but with the weather, it's highly unlikely that we're going to find anything. The traces of latex were from the condom, standard, nothing unusual, and unfortunately, her description doesn't give us much to go on."

"She was raped, Duck. I don't think she had time to take notes!"

Ducky held up his hands in surrender.

"Jethro, I wasn't implying that Jennifer is to blame. I'm amazed that she was able to recall anything. She's handling all of this remarkably well, I must say."

Something must have shown on Jethro's face, because it caused the doctor to frown.

"You disagree?"

"Not handling it as well as you think, Duck. You haven't seen her like I have."

"I know you mentioned her getting upset on the phone a few days after the incident. Have there been other occurrences?"

Gibbs nodded and Ducky sighed.

"How bad?"

"Bad enough. We gotta find this guy, Duck."

He flipped the switch and Ducky stepped out on the floor to autopsy. As Jethro headed to the gym, he ran a hand through his hair. Given Jenny's current state of mind, he had absolutely no idea what he might find when he saw her next.

* * *

Jenny's legs were on fire as she ran, and she tightened her ponytail to keep it from falling. She took a long drink from her water bottle and paused just long enough to set it down on the ground. Turning on her heel, she resumed her pace, not noticing that she wasn't alone anymore. As she collided with something solid, she screamed, jumping back instantly.

"Jen, it's okay. Just me."

His arm reached out to steady her and when her eyes locked onto his, he saw the fear slowly fade.

"Jethro, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. How long have you been down here?"

"Um..."

She grabbed his wrist, turning it over so she could reach his watch.

"Two hours."

He cocked an eyebrow at her and she laid down on the floor at his feet. Looking at him suggestively, she gave him a smile.

"You gonna help me or not?"

He sighed, bending down to grasp her ankle.

"Why do you do this?"

"Helps me stay in shape," she replied easily, "Keeps me..._flexible_."

The look she gave him was positively sinful. He carefully bent her leg back slowly, applying pressure and when she winced, he stopped.

"Keep going."

"Jen—"

"_Keep going_."

Sighing, he put his weight on her leg again, and when she finally nodded, he reached out to help her up. As his fingers closed around her wrist, her eyes flashed and he immediately let go. He knew what the look in her eyes meant and he backed away, giving her space.

"Jen?"

She blinked and when her viridian eyes met his, he knew she was back. Shaking her head once, she stood and grabbed her water bottle.

"I'm okay, Jethro."

He watched her for a moment, not quite sure he believed her, and as he followed her out of the gym, he noticed her body was shaking slightly. Once they were in the elevator, he flipped the switch, throwing them into darkness.

"Wanted to let you know, Ducky hasn't found anything yet, but we're not done. Abby's still looking over everything, and McGee is still running the tapes."

Jenny nodded and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Where are you staying tonight?"

She frowned.

"My house. Where else would I stay?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"You could always stay at my place. I'll supply the bourbon."

The smile she gave him reminded him of the Jenny who had once been his Probie, so young and eager to take on the world.

"Sure, Jethro."

As he flipped the switch again, he kissed her cheek, offering her a smile of his own. They had no sooner stepped out of the elevator than McGee's voice rang out through the bullpen.

"Boss, we've got something on the security tapes. Since this is need to know, we can go to interrogation."

Gibbs nodded and at the jerk of his head, his team filed into the elevator once more. Gibbs couldn't help but pray to whatever deity existed that the cameras had picked up something Jenny hadn't.

* * *

Team Gibbs filed into the first empty interrogation room they came to, and before he walked in, Gibbs turned to Jenny.

"You can go to your office if you want."

She shook her head.

"Jethro, I don't need to. I can handle this. I've already lived it. Seeing it won't change anything."

"Jen—"

"Go," she said gently, giving him a soft push.

Considering her for a moment, he nodded, though it was against his better judgment. He shut the door and Jenny stood outside in the observation room, more to keep onlookers out than to actually observe. Pressing play on the remote, the slightly grainy footage started to play and Gibbs frowned as Jenny came into view. He really wasn't sure _he_ could handle watching this, and as the man behind her approached her, he paused the video.

"McGee, is there any way to enhance this and get an ID?"

The younger agent frowned, leaning closer.

"I can enhance it, but it won't give me an ID. His face is covered."

Gibbs sighed and resumed the feed. Jenny's arm was roughly grabbed at the wrist and Gibbs now understood why she froze every time someone touched her that way. As her body was thrown to the ground, he had to force himself to keep watching, and when Tony spoke up, his voice was tight.

"Boss, do we have to keep watching this? I don't think we're going to find anything."

Gibbs shook his head once, his eyes hard.

"Keep looking. We might get a glimpse of him as he leaves."

Jenny's head bounced off the pavement as her attacker's hand connected with her face and as one of his hands wrapped around her throat, the other pinned her wrists above her head. To her credit, she never stopped fighting, and it appeared she had very nearly overpowered him. Finally, it was over and as Gibbs stopped the video, he raised wet eyes to his team.

Tears filled every eye in the room, and as he blinked, Tony wiped his face furiously.

"I can't believe someone could do that to anyone. Let alone Jenny."

No one corrected his use of her given name and Gibbs fixed them all with a hard glare.

"I don't care how, but find me that son of a bitch that did this to her. _Now_!"

He stormed out of the room, and when the door slammed behind him, they all jumped.

* * *

Gibbs opened the door to the observation room and frowned. Jenny was nowhere in sight and he turned, wondering where she could have gone. As his hand touched the handle, he noticed a slight movement out of the corner of his eye and turned. Curled up in the farthest corner of the room, her knees to her chest and eyes tightly closed, was Jenny. He walked to her and knelt down, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

"Jen?"

She jumped at his touch, and he faintly heard the door open behind him. Holding up his hand, he signaled to his team to stay where they were and he turned his attention back to the redhead in front of him.

"Jen, it's okay. It's over now."

She was trembling and her eyes still remained shut. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to think of any way to calm her.

"Jen, come on. Let's get you out of here."

Finally, her eyes opened and the look she gave him was heartbreaking. He helped her to her feet, wrapping his arm around her and leading her to the door. He could feel his team watching them and as he passed Tony, he paused.

"_Find him_."

* * *

Tony groaned as they went over the video feed again, rubbing his eyes furiously.

"We've gone over this at least fifteen times. We're not going to find anything."

"Did you see her? In the conference room with Gibbs? I've never seen the Director look that upset."

"Well, to be fair, she did just relive the worst physical trauma of her life, Probilicious. You'd be upset, too."

Ziva nodded.

"She's most likely experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"Where'd she go?"

"With Gibbs."

Ziva sighed and ran a hand through her hair. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

As he walked down his basement steps, Gibbs frowned. He'd last seen Jenny when he'd helped her to his bedroom and when he'd opened his eyes after dozing off, she'd been gone. A soft clink told him she was in the room and he smiled as she came into view.

"Jen? What are you doing down here?"

She shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep. Needed a drink."

He nodded and made his way to her. She leaned against the skeleton of his boat and as she took a long drink, she frowned.

"Why did this happen to me, Jethro?"

Her words were slurred and he stepped closer.

"What's wrong with me?"

Another drink and her glass was empty. She didn't bother pouring another, instead tipping the bottle back. As she stumbled, he gently reached out and took the bourbon from her hand, setting in on the table.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Jenny. Not about you. You didn't do anything wrong."

She laughed, a low a bitter sound, and he reached for her before she could fall.

"I fucked up, Jethro. This is all my fault."

He shook his head, releasing his hold on her shoulder and she reached for the bourbon again.

"No, you didn't. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's not your fault."

She drained the bottle of bourbon and ran her hand along the wood of his boat. Her pale skin was slightly flushed and he knew that if he could see her eyes, they would be bright with alcohol. Stepping down from the boat, she landed roughly in his arms, laughing lightly as she looked up at him.

"Jethro?"

He stared down at her, cocking an eyebrow in question.

"I think I'm drunk."

A single nod was his only indication that he'd heard her, and he carefully steered her toward the steps. She was unsteady on her feet and as she staggered next to him, he sighed, picking her up before she could seriously injure herself. Her head fell back as she laughed and when they reached the top of his steps, he set her down slowly.

The force of the alcohol hit her and her eyes widened.

"Jethro..."

He knew without a doubt that she was going to be sick and he frowned.

"Do you need help?"

She shook her head slowly and stumbled towards his bathroom. He made his way to the kitchen, searching for a glass for water, and a loud thud caused him to turn.

"Jen?"

"M'fine," she murmured, holding her head in her hand as she walked.

As soon as she made it to the cool tile, she fell to her knees, crawling over to the porcelain and as she emptied the contents of her stomach, she coughed. Finally, she toppled over, curling onto her side next to the bathtub and moaned. Her stomach lurched and before she could move more than turning on her side, she had vomited again, not even noticing that Gibbs had entered the room. Her eyes closed and she gave in to the blackness that had until now only danced around the edges of her mind.

* * *

Gibbs sighed as he looked down at the unconscious redhead in his bathroom, thankful that his stomach was not easily disturbed. He reached over and flushed the toilet, bending over to carefully lift Jenny into his arms. He placed her gently into the tub and searched the cabinet under his sink for the bleach he always kept for cleaning purposes. Setting about the task of cleaning, he allowed the scent of bleach to dull his senses to anything other than the towel in his hand. Once he was finished, he reached over to turn on the water in his bathtub, climbing in to sit behind Jenny.

He carefully dipped a clean cloth into the warm water and began cleaning the vomit from her long red hair, taking care not to move her too much. He removed her now-wet clothing and when he was satisfied with the cleanliness of her body and hair, he lifted her out, wrapping her in a soft towel. He carried her up to his bedroom, digging around until he'd found an old NIS shirt to clothe her in and after checking his phone to make sure it was fully charged, he climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her body close to his. He kissed her damp hair lightly and smiled sadly at her unconscious form.

"I'm so sorry, Jen. You deserve better than this. I love you."

* * *

As her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, Jenny moaned, bringing her hand to her head. It was painful to touch and she frowned. How had she ended up in Jethro's bed, in his clothes no less? She looked to her right and when she saw the former marine sleeping next to her, she smiled. Even in sleep, his hold on her hadn't loosened and she reached out to touch his face lightly.

Her mouth was unbelievably dry and she tried to untangle herself from his arms, only to have his grip tighten.

"Jethro, let me up," she whispered, kissing his cheek.

He blinked as he was pulled from his sleep and stared at her groggily.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm going to get some water," she explained.

He shook his head.

"I'll do it. You might have a concussion."

Before she could protest, he had swung his legs over the side and gone to the adjoining bathroom. She heard the tap running and when he returned seconds later with a glass, she accepted it gratefully.

"What did you mean about a concussion?"

He smirked.

"You don't remember, do you?"

She shook her head and when her damp hair stuck to her cheek, she frowned.

"Jethro...why is my hair wet?"

He laughed and gestured to her glass.

"Take a drink. I'll fill you in."

She raised it to her lips and fought the urge to moan in relief as the liquid coated her dry throat.

"What _do_ you remember?"

"I went down to your basement because I couldn't sleep. Had a few glasses of bourbon."

"More than a few."

The glint in his eyes betrayed his amusement and she frowned.

"What?"

"Jen, you drank an entire bottle of bourbon," he laughed, "I carried you upstairs. When I went to get a drink, you literally walked into the door of my bathroom. Then proceeded to throw up everything in your stomach. You passed out in your own vomit."

To say she was embarrassed would have been an understatement and even in the dark, he could see the blush on her skin.

"I got everything cleaned up and brought you up here."

"Oh, God...I—I'm so sorry, Jethro."

He waved her apology away, flashing her a smile.

"If it's any consolation, you probably won't have a hangover. No alcohol left in your system."

She nodded slowly, still mortified by her actions and buried her face in her hands.

"Do you remember talking to me?"

Searching the haze of her mind, Jenny slowly nodded.

"I remember that, but I don't remember what I said."

He took her hand in his, looking at her seriously.

"You told me that you thought this was your fault."

She nodded, unable to meet his piercing gaze. She still didn't remember the conversation, but the thought had been circling around her mind for the better part of five days.

"It's not your fault, Jen."

Jenny sighed, and when he opened his arms, she fell into them. She was silent for a long moment and when she finally spoke, her voice was low and slightly sarcastic.

"I guess I couldn't handle watching that video after all."

He kissed her gently, running a finger over her cheek.

"I should have never let you. I'm sorry."

Jenny rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was strong and steady, a stark contrast to her own which seemed to always be faltering, and she sighed. He kissed her hair and ran his fingers through the still-drying strands, admiring the way it curled slightly. She so rarely wore her hair naturally and he thought it was a damn shame. The loose curl was beautiful to him and as he held her more securely, he smiled.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

Her voice was soft and he could tell it wouldn't be long before she was asleep again.

"You're absolutely beautiful. Even when you're wasted beyond belief."

"Thanks, I think," she laughed, "and seriously...thank you for tonight."

She placed a light kiss on his lips and he smirked.

"Get some sleep, Jen. You're safe here."

Just as he was about to close his eyes, her voice filled the silence of the room and he glanced down at her.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"Have I told you that I love when you call me Jen?"

He smirked and shifted so that they were both more comfortable. Her eyes were closed, and as he kissed her forehead, a soft smile graced her lips.

"Yeah. Might've mentioned it before."

* * *

McGee smirked as Tony jerked awake at the sound of the elevator doors opening. They'd been working all night trying to find something, _anything_ to help their latest case and had so far turned up nothing. Gibbs and Jenny exited the lift and when the silver-haired agent placed a cup of coffee on his desk, McGee smiled in surprise.

"Thank you, boss."

He said nothing about the four other cups, but when one was placed on both Ziva's and Tony's desks, he understood. Jenny reached for the last one, smiling at Gibbs as she made her way up the steps towards the catwalk. She seemed better than she had the last time he'd seen her, but after the scene in the observation room the previous day, McGee was nearly one hundred percent certain she was merely putting on a brave face.

"Where's Ziva?"

"Restroom, boss. Should be back any second."

"I am here," came the distinct accented voice of the former Mossad agent.

"You making any progress with that tattoo?"

She shook her head.

"Believe it or not, most people don't like it when you demand to see if they have tattoos out of the red."

McGee smirked and Tony sighed.

"Out of the _blue_, Ziva."

"Boss, um...how's the Director?"

Gibbs fixed McGee with a puzzled look and McGee frowned.

"Well, I—I just meant that...well, after yesterday, she seemed pretty upset, and..." McGee trailed off, feeling more than a little embarrassed.

"She's fine," Gibbs said with a grin, "Now, get to work. Help Ziva. DiNozzo! I want the logs from security. ASAP."

Tony nodded, barely suppressing a yawn and Gibbs grabbed his coffee, heading for the elevator. If anyone could help him now, it was the doctor in autopsy.

* * *

"Ah, Jethro! Good morning. How may I help you?"

Gibbs smiled as he watched Ducky pouring himself a cup of tea.

"Care to do a psychological profile for me?"

"Jennifer?"

Gibbs nodded and Ducky frowned, shaking his head.

"She won't be pleased."

Shrugging, Gibbs took a long drink from his cup.

"She vomited all over my bathroom last night. I don't really care if she'll be pleased."

Now the doctor looked concerned.

"Is she alright?"

Gibbs smirked and Ducky added two spoonfuls of sugar to his tea, sipping it thoughtfully.

"Yeah. Just had too much bourbon."

Ducky placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder, meeting his blue eyes seriously. He knew that it wasn't something that he wanted to hear, but he needed to voice his opinion.

"Jethro, you might not like this, but Jennifer may need more help than you can give her."

Gibbs shook his head, taking a step back.

"She's getting help. Nothing and no one will hurt her again, and I'm gonna help her through this. If you won't do the profile on her, will you at least talk to her? She trusts you, and she'll open up to you."

The doctor nodded, his eyes sad. Gibbs held his gaze for another few seconds before turning to the door. As they slid shut behind him, Ducky sighed, drinking his tea in silence for a moment. He had no idea whether the younger woman would confide in him, but he supposed it couldn't hurt to try. Staring at the place Gibbs had previously occupied, Ducky ran his hand over his face before setting down his cup of tea.

"She might trust me, Jethro...but she loves you."

* * *

**A/N: So, interesting fact: I'm writing a lot of this from my own personal experience of being raped, but in my case it was someone I knew and trusted. So it's been difficult delving into those emotions even seven years later. Also, Jenny's drunken night was inspired by one that I had last Friday night, except my husband wasn't nearly as caring as Gibbs. He did check to make sure I hadn't drowned in my bathtub, at least. I still have a bruise from falling and running into my bathroom door frame, though. Oops. Anyway, please review!**


	4. Imperfect

**A/N: This one was really difficult to write. For the Ducky/Jenny scenes, I had to go back and look through old journals of my own experiences, and it was a bit rough. That being said, their interactions are my favourite parts of this. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

The soft knock on her office door made Jenny frown, but she kept typing. Her emails weren't going to finish themselves and there were still about twenty reports she needed to sign off on.

"Come in," she called, rubbing her temple slowly.

Ducky opened the door, offering her a smile and she returned it, surprised. It wasn't often that the doctor ventured up to see her, and it was a welcome distraction.

"Ducky. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

He shut her door quietly and approached her desk.

"Good morning, Jennifer. How are you?"

She frowned.

"I'm fine, Ducky. How are you?"

Ducky shook his head, sitting down in the chair across from her desk. He looked at her seriously, his eyes observing even the smallest details, the tiniest sign of distress and she smiled nervously.

"Is something wrong?"

"That depends, my dear."

"On?"

"On how long you're going to keep ignoring what's happened to you. It isn't good to bottle your emotions. Eventually, something is going to break, and I'd rather it not be you."

Jenny frowned, removing her glasses and truly looking at him for the first time since he'd entered. She'd done a remarkably good job of covering the dark circles under her eyes, but it still wasn't enough to fool him. Her skin was paler than he'd seen in awhile, reminding him of the night she'd spent being examined in autopsy, and her smile was, although still dazzling, obviously fake.

"I'm fine," she tried to laugh, but it sounded hollow even to her, "Really, Ducky."

Her right eye twitched slightly and Ducky glared at her. Gibbs had told him of her tell, and knowing that she was being deliberately evasive infuriated him.

"This would go much easier if you would tell me the truth, Jennifer."

The doctor's tone, combined with the use of her full name, made Jenny suddenly feel as though she were six-years-old again. She held his piercing gaze for as long as she could, sighing when she finally looked away.

"What do you want me to say, Ducky?"

"Be honest with me. How are you handling this?"

Jenny cursed herself for the tears she felt in her eyes, and she knew that Ducky could see them. She ran her hand through her hair, pulling it from its ponytail. It fell around her shoulders, making her feel less exposed and she sighed.

"Not well," she admitted, her eyes fixed on her desk, "but I don't know what to do about it. It's over, it happened, but obsessing over it isn't going to change it."

He was silent, waiting for her to continue.

"When I close my eyes, it's all I see. Walking to my car at night terrifies me now. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Drinking helps sometimes, but I can't walk around with an IV of bourbon."

She laughed bitterly, and Ducky offered her a sad smile.

"I want to just forget that it ever happened. Sometimes, I almost manage it, but then...just when I least expect it, I start thinking about it again. I want to move on, live my life, but I just...I get so scared and it makes me freak out."

She looked at him then, tears slipping from her eyes and his gaze was so undeniably kind that she smiled.

"Go on, my dear."

She sniffed and nodded, trying to keep from sobbing.

"I just want to be able to live like a normal person again. Not jumping at shadows, not sleeping with a weapon under my pillow, I want to be able to maybe have a relationship without falling apart. Sometimes, I'm okay, perfectly fine, and then Jethro will touch me and it—"

She stopped, her eyes wide. She hadn't meant to say anything about Gibbs, wasn't even sure how much Ducky knew, and when she glanced up, he nodded.

"What about Jethro, Jennifer?"

"How much do you know?"

He smiled and she sighed.

"He told you."

Ducky shrugged, reaching across the table to pat her hand reassuringly.

"Not everything, my dear Jennifer. I know he's been trying to help you. He's worried about you, not that he'd ever show it."

She smiled and shook her head slowly.

"Jethro has...he's been so wonderful with this. He doesn't force me to talk about anything, if I freak out, he doesn't take it personally, he always has bourbon..."

They both laughed and Jenny truly smiled for the first time that day.

"May I ask you a personal question, my dear?"

She nodded and he looked at her seriously.

"Have you had any kind of sexual relations since your attack?"

Though she knew it would eventually come up, Jenny was unprepared for the question. She frowned and was silent for a long moment, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Not exactly."

"I'm not sure I understand you."

"I mean, I've...certain things have happened, but I couldn't..." she trailed off, unsure of how to explain.

"Have you had any vaginal penetration since that night?"

Jenny shook her head, her face burning with embarrassment, and Ducky smiled.

"Have you attempted to?"

She nodded, and took a deep breath.

"We tried. It almost happened, but right before he was going to..I stopped him. I—the thought of him being...inside me, I just—I couldn't."

"Was it out of fear or shame?"

Thinking for a moment, Jenny bit down on her bottom lip.

"Both, I think. I mean, I know without a doubt that he would never hurt me, but it still scares me. And just knowing that someone else had...even though I didn't want it, it made me feel...I felt dirty somehow. I can't really explain it. I know that it shouldn't matter, I know he wouldn't hurt me...I should be able to do this. What if he gets tired of waiting and leaves? What if he finds someone else who isn't scared of being touched?"

Ducky stood and walked slowly around the desk. He opened his arms and after a moment of debating, Jenny rose from her chair and fell into his comforting embrace. He kissed her cheek lightly, and as he held her, a sad smile crossed his face.

"I am so sorry, Jennifer. I know it's difficult now, but it does get easier. You're a strong young woman and I have no doubt that you'll make it through this and come out even more resilient in the end."

She sniffed and he pulled back, looking in her eyes seriously.

"And don't worry about Jethro. A healthy relationship isn't all about sex. He knows that, and he knows you're trying. It'll take time, and though he may be one of the most impatient men alive, he'll wait for you."

He released her and began walking to the door. Jenny frowned for a moment and when she called his name, he paused.

"Ducky. How did you know I was talking about Jethro?"

Ducky gave her a look that was so reminiscent of Gibbs that she nearly laughed.

"You just told me, my dear."

He turned again and when his hand opened the door, she called his name again.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

He smiled at her and for a moment, she felt better than she had in days.

"You're welcome, Jennifer."

* * *

Though there was nothing in the world he wanted to do less, Tony DiNozzo knew he had to speak with his boss. He'd been avoiding it all day, but now, half an hour before they were due to leave, he couldn't wait any longer. The silver-haired agent walked past him, coffee in hand, and as he sat down at his desk, Tony carefully approached him.

"Boss? Ziva and I are finished checking for that tattoo."

"And?"

"We...didn't find anything. No one in the building has any tattoo even remotely resembling it, or even any in the right area. I mean, except Abby, but we all know that it wasn't—"

"Did you come all the way over here just to tell me that you have nothing?"

Tony faltered, the look in the older agent's eyes making him more than a little nervous.

"Yeah...I also talked to the security guard at the gate. At the time of the attack, he was walking the perimeter. He was all the way across the Navy Yard. Camera footage confirms it."

"You're telling me that the highly respected Director of a Federal agency was raped in this very Navy Yard and no one saw or heard a thing?"

His voice was a whisper, but the anger was more than evident. His eyes had hardened to ice and his body had gone eerily still. Tony looked away before answering, and he nodded slowly.

"Sorry, boss."

Tony walked back to his desk and tried to make himself look busy. The loud slamming of a hand on a keyboard made him jump and as Gibbs stormed towards the elevators, Tony ran a hand through his hair. McGee frowned as he exited the elevator and when he approached the senior field agent, his voice was low.

"What happened?"

"Just had to tell Gibbs we didn't find anything."

McGee whistled and sat down at his desk.

"Sucks to be you."

* * *

The sliding doors of autopsy opened and as Gibbs walked in, Ducky turned, smiling.

"Good morning, Jethro. I'm afraid I don't have anything more to give you on the evidence front."

"Not why I'm here, Duck."

Ducky frowned, walking to his desk to fix a cup of tea.

"No? Then why are you here?"

"How's Jen?"

Ducky nodded as he poured, searching for the milk he kept in one of his refrigerators and glanced at him.

"Well, Jethro, I don't feel entirely comfortable telling you everything we discussed. But I will tell you this: she's scared."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't be?"

"Not of being attacked, though that did come up. She's scared of losing you."

Gibbs frowned, watching as the doctor stirred his tea.

"Why would she lose me?"

Ducky sighed.

"She's afraid that you're going to get tired of waiting for her to recover and that you're going to leave."

"That's not going to happen."

Ducky smiled.

"She told me that you two haven't been intimate and she's scared that you're going to leave her for someone that can be with you sexually."

Scoffing, Gibbs turned to make his way to the door. Just before he reached it, the doctor's voice stopped his steps.

"Where are you going?"

"Gonna go tell her that she's insane."

* * *

Just as Jenny was grabbing her coat to leave, her office door swung open and it bounced off the wall behind it. She sighed, rolling her eyes and fixed Gibbs with a tired glare.

"Would it kill you to knock?"

"It might. You leaving?"

She nodded, grabbing her purse from the drawer in her desk. As she walked around it, he stepped in front of her, blocking her path to the door.

"We need to talk."

"Okay."

She sat down on her couch, looking at him curiously.

"DiNozzo and Ziva haven't found anything on the tattoo. Haven't gotten with Abby yet, but that's first thing on my list tomorrow."

She nodded, still unsure of what made this so urgent.

"That isn't what you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"

"No," he paused, searching her eyes, "Ducky told me that you're scared that I'm gonna leave?"

He left it as a question, waiting for her to elaborate. When she nodded, he took her hand gently in his.

"Jen...I know this isn't easy. I know that you're going to have days where even the slightest thing is gonna send you back. I know that it won't go away overnight. But I don't care. I'm not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to. I love you, and nothing is going to change that."

"It's not that simple, Jethro. The other night, after that stupid charity ball, when we were...I couldn't even let you...I was too scared."

"Of me?"

She shook her head frantically, her eyes flying to his, begging him to understand.

"No! Of course not. I know you would never hurt me. Just...the thought of having anyone...it scared me. And I felt so embarrassed. I can't even..."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, kissing the top of her head.

"Shh...I know. It's okay. We can take it slow. We've got all the time in the world."

She nodded, wiping away a few stray tears.

"I'm not that good at pacing myself, remember?"

He laughed and smiled down at her.

"You set the pace, Jen. I'm not in any rush."

She raised up to place a light kiss on his lips and when she pulled back, he smiled at her warmly.

"Ready to leave?"

"Definitely."

* * *

As much as she'd wanted to, Jenny hadn't taken Gibbs up on his offer to stay at his house. She knew it was just her pride getting the better of her, but she needed to prove to herself that she could manage to stay in her own house without freaking out. She locked the door behind her and as she slipped off her heels, her phone beeped in her hand. Frowning, she glanced down at the text message and when she saw the sender, a smile lit up her face.

_Get some sleep. Love you._

It wasn't often that Jethro sent her a text, but she had saved every single one, sometimes for no other reason that to tease him about his disdain for technology. This one, however, she would be saving for an entirely different reason. She quickly replied, knowing he would be concerned if she didn't.

_I will. Love you, too._

She hung up her coat and made her way into her study, reaching for the bourbon as she flipped the light switch on. The liquid burned down her throat and she let out her breath slowly, trying and failing to fight the shudder that passed through her body. It was a welcome sensation, and she downed another just as desperately.

She'd lied to Jethro when she said she was planning on sleeping. She knew without a doubt that she'd never be able to sleep, but he didn't need to know that. Picking up the decanter of bourbon, she walked back to her living room, dropping onto the couch and sighing. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Frowning as she scrolled through her contacts, Jenny took another long drink from the crystal tumbler in her hand. Her finger hovered over Jethro's name, but she knew that calling him would be a mistake. Besides, she needed an expert opinion. As she placed a call to the one other person she could trust, she ran a shaking hand through her long hair.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. Do you have a minute?"

"Oh, Jennifer. How nice to hear from you. It's rather late, is everything alright?"

She frowned. She hadn't even considered the lateness of the hour. Glancing at her watch, her eyes widened as she realised it was after midnight.

"Damn, Ducky...I didn't realise it was so late, I'm sorry. I can call you back at another time."

"No, not at all. Is something troubling you?"

Jenny sighed and nodded, though he couldn't see her.

"I was just wondering...Ducky, how long does it usually take after a sexual trauma for the victim to stop reliving it? Is there some sort of average to go by?"

"Unfortunately, there isn't. It all varies from individual to individual. I wish I could give you the answer you're looking for, but there really isn't one."

Jenny clamped her hand over her mouth to muffle her sob and closed her eyes.

"Just take it slowly, Jennifer. One day at a time. One hour at a time if need be."

"I—Ducky, I don't know how much longer I can do this. I want it to stop."

"You want what to stop?"

"I don't—the pain, the shame, the way people are looking at me, life, everything. I just want it all to stop."

Her voice broke and she held her phone tightly against her ear. Ducky was silent for a long time and when he finally spoke, there was an edge of worry to his gentle tone.

"Jennifer...do you realise what you've just said? Do you really want everything to stop?"

"If that makes it go away."

"Even life, my dear?"

Jenny bit down on her bottom lip, fighting to get the words out.

"I just want the pain to stop, Ducky...I don't want to be scared anymore."

She hung up the phone before he could reply and collapsed on the soft leather of her couch. She buried her head in the pillow she kept there and as she cried, she wondered if it were truly possible to die from crying so much. As it was, she didn't even think she would care.

* * *

The ringing of his phone shattered the few hours of sleep Gibbs had managed to get and as he answered it, his voice was a bit rougher than he intended.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, I know it's late, but I'm afraid we have a situation."

Gibbs frowned. The last voice he'd expected to hear on the other end was one thick with a Scottish accent.

"Ducky?"

"Yes. I'm sorry to wake you, but I'm very concerned about Jennifer."

Gibbs sat up, careful not to hit his head on the shell of his boat. His back screamed in protest and he winced.

"Jenny's fine, Duck. She's probably sleeping."

"That's where you're wrong. On both counts. I just spoke with her. She called me, very upset, and wanted to know if PTSD had a time limit."

"What did you tell her?"

"The truth. I told her that every individual deals with trauma differently and that it would take time. That's not the part of the conversation that worried me."

The doctor was silent for a minute and Gibbs could feel his impatience growing.

"What was?"

"She said she wanted everything to stop. Pain, embarrassment, shame, even life. I asked her if she realised what she'd said and she merely replied that she wanted the pain to stop and that she didn't want to be scared anymore."

"You're worried that she might do something dangerous."

"Quite frankly, yes. I know that you might not believe this, but Jennifer is displaying many symptoms of someone who is suicidal."

"Jenny wouldn't do that."

Ducky sighed, willing him to understand.

"Under normal circumstances, no. I don't believe she would. This isn't a normal situation, Jethro. She's very fragile, very scared, very vulnerable. She needs someone to help her."

Gibbs frowned as anger flared within him.

"I _am_ helping her, Duck."

"Yes, I know. But I think she needs someone to stay with her right now. She shouldn't be alone."

Nodding once, Gibbs stood and grabbed his keys. As if he could see him, Ducky's voice floated to him down the line.

"Where are you going?"

"She needs me, I'm gonna be there. Thanks, Duck."

He hung up, grabbing a jacket as he walked and threw himself into his truck. If Jenny really was as bad as Ducky had claimed, nothing would keep him from her tonight. Not if her very life depended on it.

* * *

The loud pounding on her door took about three minutes to register in her inebriated mind. As Jenny slowly staggered to open it, she blinked, trying to focus. Finally, her glazed eyes flickered in recognition and she frowned, confused.

"Jethro?"

"Hey, Jen."

"What are you doing here?"

Her words were slurred and she clung to the door. He gave her a careful smile, reaching for her arm.

"Ducky called me. He's worried about you."

She laughed, her voice unsteady and stepped back to let him in. She miraculously didn't stumble as she walked to the living room, but when she sat down on the couch, she toppled over. Gibbs smiled and sat down next to her. She waited, knowing that he wanted to speak, but not sure if she was prepared to listen.

"What's bothering you, Jen?"

She shrugged, not ready to dive into her emotions yet. He fixed her with a stare that would have never worked had she been sober.

"Jen?"

"I—I can't stand it, Jethro. It just...I can't sleep, I jump at everything now, I can't have sex with you, I can't think...I'm just so fucking scared, Jethro."

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close to his side. Her head fell into his lap and he raked his fingers through her hair.

"I know, but Jen...you don't really want your life to stop do you?"

Jenny frowned, refusing to look at him and he shook her shoulder gently.

"Answer me, Shepard."

"No...I guess not. I want to stop being in pain. I don't want to feel this way anymore."

He kissed her gently, holding her tighter. She raised up, looking at him with an expression that he couldn't identify. Her hand reached up to run through his hair and when her lips met his, he could taste the salt from her tears.

"I'm always here for you, Jenny. Please don't forget that."

She nodded, kissing him again.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Settling back down in his arms, she closed her eyes as he held her. His fingers in her hair were beginning to make her tired, and he leaned down to kiss her again.

"Don't give up, Jen. I can't lose you. Not again."

Jenny raised up, her hand tracing circles across his chest and she smiled.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go to bed."

After a moment of looking at her to determine if she was serious, he nodded. He lifted her into his arms and made his way to her stairs. As he laid her down on the bed, she smiled when he climbed in next to her. He wrapped her body close to his and kissed the shell of her ear lightly.

"Good night, Jen. I love you."

She smiled, turning to look at him.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. And thank you."

She closed her eyes and as he watched her sleep, he wondered how on earth they would get through this. It was a long road ahead of them, but he was determined to be there. No matter how hard she tried to push him away.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, how was it? On a side note, while watching the episode "Leap of Faith" yesterday, I realised that Gibbs whistling is incredibly sexy to me. Might write another Jibbs one-shot about it. Should I? Shouldn't I? Decisions, decisions. And, though my husband likes to point out that as far as the show is concerned, Jibbs will never happen again, I refuse to let go of them.  
**


	5. Rules

**A/N: For some reason, this chapter gave me a lot of trouble. Hope you enjoy, nonetheless!**

* * *

Though she would never admit it, Cynthia relied on Agent Gibbs storming into the Director's office to provide a sense of normalcy. She didn't even bother trying to stop him anymore, and the grin he flashed her as he passed made her laugh softly. She suspected that he probably knew she secretly enjoyed seeing him push the boundaries. It gave her a sense of security to know that he'd always be there to antagonise her boss.

* * *

From the second he stepped into Jenny's office, he could sense something was different. She hadn't spoken as he'd shut her door and when he looked at her, he frowned. She was sitting behind her desk, her eyes wide and his trained eyes could detect the slightest tremor to her posture. She was deathly pale and he took a step cautiously closer. She didn't move, and his eyes never left her.

Something was definitely _wrong_.

"Jen?"

He approached her slowly, not wanting to startle her, and stopped in front of her desk.

"Jenny? What's wrong?"

She didn't appear to have heard him, and when he looked into her eyes, they were glassy and unfocused. Her breathing was so shallow that he almost couldn't see it and he reached out to touch her shoulder lightly.

"Jen?"

He snapped his fingers in front of her face and frowned. She was ramrod straight in her chair and her hands were clenched so tightly that he knew there would be crescent shaped indentations on her skin.

"Hey..." his voice was low, and he knelt in front of her, "can you hear me, Shepard?"

Normally, the use of her surname would be enough to catch her attention, but she stared straight ahead. He straightened and made his way to the door, pulling it open quickly.

"Cynthia, call Dr. Mallard. Tell him to come to the Director's office. Now."

Nodding, the young woman picked up the phone. He had to give her credit: her voice never wavered as she relayed his message and when she stood to enter the room, her steps were steady.

"What's wrong, Agent Gibbs?"

He frowned, shaking his head.

"Don't know. How long has it been since you've spoken to her?"

Cynthia shrugged.

"She came back from MTAC about twenty minutes ago. Said she was going to sign off on some reports. I didn't want to disturb her."

Seconds later, they heard footsteps that told them Ducky had arrived. Cynthia returned to her desk, intent on giving them privacy, and the doctor shut Jenny's door quietly. She still hadn't moved, but her breathing had become faster, more ragged. He glanced at Gibbs, hundreds of questions in his eyes and sighed.

"How long has she been this way?"

"Twenty minutes, give or take."

The doctor nodded and slowly made his way to the woman in front of him. He knelt down, reaching out to touch her hand gently, and when he spoke, his voice was soft.

"Jennifer? It's Ducky, can you hear me?"

As soon as his hand touched her shoulder, she blinked, jerking away from him and he frowned. Her chair rolled backward and when it hit the wall, she jumped, falling to her knees. Her breath came in short desperate gasps, and Ducky tried to reach out, only to have her smack his hand away. Gibbs, after watching silently for a moment, knelt down, ignoring the screaming in his knees and made his way closer.

"Let me try, Duck."

He nodded and Gibbs slowly crawled to the redhead crumpled up on the floor.

"Jenny...what's wrong?"

She shook her head, and when he reached for her, she lashed out, her hand connecting with his face.

"Don't touch me!"

He recoiled from her, feeling the warm trail of blood dripping down his cheek. Ducky glanced at him and he shook his head. Her entire body was shaking and when he moved closer, she moved closer to the wall.

"Jennifer...you're perfectly safe here. No one is going to hurt you."

She whimpered and curled into herself, closing her eyes. Gibbs inched forward, his hand slowly making its way toward her, and this time, she didn't move away. He touched her cheek gently, trying to meet her eyes, and she blinked, tears dripping onto her hand. Ducky kept his distance, ready to be of service any way he could, and as Gibbs pulled Jenny into his arms, he sighed.

"Shh...it's okay."

"Jethro, would you like me to get some water?"

He nodded and as soon as the doctor had stepped out, Gibbs kissed Jenny's temple lightly. Her body shook with each breath and he cradled her against his chest, pretending he didn't feel the stinging on his cheek.

"What happened, Jen?"

Her head shook and as he opened his mouth to speak, Ducky returned with a glass of water. He held it out and Jenny opened her eyes as Gibbs shifted to take it.

"D-Ducky?"

"That's right."

The doctor gave her a reassuring smile and she raised up slightly, looking at Gibbs with a frown.

"Jethro...you're bleeding."

He shrugged and her eyes widened.

"Oh, God..." she whispered, "Jethro, I—I'm so sorry. I didn't—"

"Hush, Jen," his voice was low, giving her more comfort than he knew, "It's okay. I know."

Ducky moved slowly nearer and as he carefully examined her, he couldn't help noticing that she never released her hold on Jethro's hand. He smiled sadly and when he had finished, he kissed her on the cheek, motioning to Gibbs.

Reluctantly, Jenny let go and as the men stepped into the outer office, she furiously wiped away the tears she was ashamed to feel on her face.

* * *

"What the hell was that, Ducky?"

"It appeared to be a severe panic attack. When faced with fear, the human mind has three instincts: fight, flight, or freeze. In Jennifer's case, we were dealing with the third. She may not even remember what caused the episode due to the severity. She's going to need time."

Gibbs nodded, taking the tissue that the doctor offered and cleaning the blood from his face. He walked back into Jenny's office and when he saw her sitting behind the desk, he frowned. Typical Jenny, already back at work and pretending that nothing had happened. She glanced up at him as he entered and gave him a smile.

"You okay?"

She nodded and he sat in the chair opposite her desk.

"Jethro, I want to thank you. I can never repay you for what you did today."

He stood, walking around her desk and bending down so that he was level with her.

"You don't need to repay me."

The look she gave him as she pulled him down to her was positively wicked. She deepened the kiss and when she broke away, he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"If you want, I can show you my appreciation later."

He nodded once and just as he was about to kiss her again, the intercom on her desk buzzed, breaking their moment.

"Excuse me, Director. Commander Wilkins is waiting on video conference in MTAC."

Jenny quickly answered, giving him a silent apology with her eyes as she spoke.

"I'm on my way, Cynthia."

As she made her way to the door, Gibbs found his eyes glued to the slight sway of her hips as she walked.

* * *

Ten hours later, Jenny grabbed her coat and made her way down the steps to the squad room. As she passed the desk belonging to Tony DiNozzo, a light clicked on, causing her to jump. Gibbs smirked at her and as she slowly approached him, she frowned.

"You're still here?"

He nodded.

"Why?"

"Waiting for you."

Gibbs stood, making his way around the desk and slipping into his jacket. Jenny smiled as he wrapped his arm around her waist and headed to the elevator.

"I'm walking you to your car, Director."

"Thank you, Agent Gibbs."

They stepped into the elevator and he kissed her cheek as the doors closed. Halfway down, the elevator stopped, throwing them into darkness and Jenny sighed, turning to Gibbs.

"What, Jethro?"

He frowned, glancing at her.

"Wasn't me."

"That's not funny."

He flipped the switch and glared at it when nothing happened.

"I swear, Jen, it wasn't me."

Her eyes were wide in the darkness and she pressed the emergency call button on the wall. It lit up, but there was no answer from the security guards.

"Why aren't they there?"

"Only one guard. If he needed to walk the perimeter, no one there to answer."

Jenny sighed and looked over at him.

"What do we do?"

He shrugged.

"Not the first time we've been in the elevator alone."

She smacked his arm lightly and he laughed.

"I don't think we can put it to the same use now. Don't know when it'll start back up," she pointed out.

Jenny sighed, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. He joined her seconds later and she rested her head on his shoulder. As he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, she placed a light hand on his cheek, frowning slightly.

"I really am sorry about this," she murmured, indicating the mark on his face.

He smirked, kissing her hair.

"It's fine. I probably deserved it."

She smiled up at him, her eyes amused.

"Probably."

A soft beep interrupted them and they turned to the speaker on the wall.

"Sorry about the elevator. Should be up and running in about five minutes."

"Thanks," Gibbs answered.

"Anyone else in there with you, Agent Gibbs?"

He smirked.

"Director Shepard."

"Copy that."

Jenny kissed him as he pulled her to her feet and he frowned at the laughter that shook her body.

"What?"

"They're probably surprised that we haven't killed each other."

"True," he conceded, "but if we did that, then I couldn't kiss you anymore."

His lips brushed hers and she pulled him closer to her. He pulled her hair free from its ponytail and he ran his fingers through the silken strands as it cascaded down her shoulders. Just as his lips found her throat, the lights flickered on and they broke apart.

"We'll continue this later?"

She nodded. The doors opened and he held out his hand, allowing her to exit first. As she slid into her car, he gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek, careful not to let her driver see him. He closed the door for her and as he walked to his truck, he couldn't keep the slight smirk from his face.

* * *

Jenny sighed as she poured another glass of bourbon and when she took a drink, she wiped away the tears falling down her face. She had been meaning to call Jethro when she walked in her door, but the need for alcohol had won. Just as she drained the glass, the ringing of her phone startled her and she swore softly.

"Shepard."

"Good evening, Jennifer."

"Oh, hi, Ducky. How are you?"

"I'm fine, my dear. How are you?"

She paused, unsure of whether or not to be honest and sighed. Her hand ran through her hair, still loose after Jethro had taken it down, and frowned.

"I'm okay, Ducky. Better than this morning, anyway."

"If you need anything, Jennifer, don't hesitate."

She thanked him, hanging up the phone and when she sank down into the chair behind her desk, she placed her head in her hands. Behind her closed eyes, flashes of rough hands flickered, and she could almost feel the vice-like grip around her throat. She jerked upright, her breath catching in her throat and she was embarrassed to find that her hands were shaking. Picking up her phone, her fingers fumbled through her contacts and when she finally pressed the correct button, she put her head on the desk.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, are you busy?"

"Not particularly. Working on the boat."

She smiled at his answer. His predictability made her feel somewhat safer.

"Would you mind coming by?"

She could almost see him frown.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she lied, grateful that he couldn't see her.

"Jen.."

"I don't want to be alone."

"On my way."

* * *

Opening the door, she smiled as he stepped inside, fighting every instinct she had to kiss him as soon as she saw him. He slipped off his shoes, and she led him into her living room, offering him a drink as she walked.

"What's bothering you, Jen?"

"Nothing. I just...I thought we could pick up where we left off this afternoon."

He frowned, not sure where she was heading with this, and she reached out to pull him to her. She wound her hands into his hair and as her tongue danced over his, she smiled.

"Jen...wait."

She ignored him, pushing his jacket from his shoulders and bringing her lips to his throat. Pulling him up the stairs, she smiled when she felt his resistance failing. His hands tangled in her hair and as he yanked her shirt over her head, she laughed quietly.

"In a hurry, Jethro?"

"You were the one who didn't want to wait," he reminded her.

"True."

He gently pushed her back to her bed, smirking as she pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. He slid her grey slacks off and pinned her wrists above her head with a smile. Her eyes flashed with fear for a moment and he immediately released her, looking into her eyes seriously.

"You okay?"

She nodded and brought his lips to hers again. Her hands gripped his shoulders and when her teeth grazed over his pulse point, he moaned. She hooked her leg around him and as the last of their clothing was removed, he stopped to watch her reaction.

"We don't have to do this, Jen."

She shook her head, meeting his eyes fully.

"Please, Jethro."

He kissed her again and trailed his fingertips lightly over her skin. He slowly entered her, watching her carefully, and when she nodded, he began to move. Jenny ran her tongue along the shell of his ear and when he whispered her name, she smiled. Her hips met his and he could already feel himself getting close. She wasn't far behind him, but he wanted to make sure that her needs were met before his own. He reached down between them to touch her, gently at first, then with a growing urgency.

"Oh, God..." she whispered, her head falling back.

"Jethro will do, Jen."

"Shut up."

Both of their worlds exploded behind closed eyes at nearly the same time and as her grip on his shoulders tightened, he kissed her harder than he had in weeks. She moaned into his mouth and as she finally stopped shaking, he placed a light kiss to her forehead.

He moved next to her and pulled her into his arms, smiling as her hair brushed across his chest. She gave him a soft kiss and when she spoke, there was a warmth in her voice he hadn't heard in far too long.

"Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"What for?"

She frowned, unsure of how to explain.

"You...you didn't rush me. You gave me the time I needed to process everything. I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately."

He kissed her again and she laughed as his fingers trailed across her skin.

"I've missed that."

"What?" she frowned, giving him a confused glare.

"Your laugh. You don't laugh much anymore, Jen. You should."

She smiled and settled back down into his arms. His words spun around in her head for hours after he had fallen asleep and she found herself wondering what else about her had changed over the years.

* * *

Jenny swore as she tightly held onto the wood of the boat in Jethro's basement. She knew, without looking, that a large splinter had embedded itself in her finger. He glanced up at her, not noticing the pain in her eyes and as he pushed her back down onto the frame, he kissed her again. Her orgasm crashed through her, overriding all thoughts of the pain in her hand and when she was finally able to open her eyes again, she smiled.

He held out his hand to help her up and she reached out with her good hand. Gathering her clothes, she shook her head when he offered her a drink as she dressed.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just have to drive home."

He nodded and as she walked toward the stairs, he pulled her back to him, kissing her ear gently.

"Be safe," he whispered.

She nodded, his lips making it difficult for her to breathe. She finally tore herself away and gave him a rare smile and he smirked as he took a slow drink of his bourbon. Something was off with her, but he knew better than to push her.

* * *

Fumbling with the knife in her hand, Jenny sighed as she attempted to pry the splinter from her finger. She supposed she could have tried a pair of tweezers, but it had already burrowed deeper into her skin. The blade slipped, slicing into her hand and she hissed, dropping the knife.

"Son of a _bitch_!"

She picked up the knife and tried again, digging deeper than she'd meant to and when she picked up her phone, she angrily called Gibbs.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"The next time you want to have sex in your basement, remind me to say no."

"What happened?"

She frowned, still focused on finding the tiny piece of wood.

"Got a damn splinter. Trying to get it out now," she said through gritted teeth.

"Want me to come help?"

"Jethro, I am a grown woman. I am more than capable of getting a splinter out of my hand."

She pointedly didn't tell him that she'd already sliced into her hand and he sighed.

"I'm coming to help."

"Jethro—"

The click in her ear was infuriating and she groaned, tossing her phone to the ground. She resumed the task of trying to find the splinter and the more her blade slipped, the more angry she became. Hot, angry tears fell from her eyes and she furiously sank to her knees, holding her hand out in front of her.

She didn't know how long she stayed on her floor, but when her front door opened, she felt the cold air and shivered.

"Jenny?"

She didn't answer, still trying to get the knife deeper in the hopes that the splinter would come out. He knelt in front of her, and as he gently took her wrist in his hand, he looked at her seriously.

"Jen...stop. What's going on?"

She pulled away from him and shook her head. He slowly took the knife from her hand and tilted her head up so she would look at him.

"Jen."

"I can't...Jethro, I couldn't find it."

He frowned, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Find what?"

"The splinter. I tried...I couldn't find it."

He reached out and pulled her to her feet, leading her to the kitchen. He placed her hand under the faucet and turned the water on, gently cleaning out the cut on her hand. She winced as he felt around for the splinter and when the tiny sliver of wood fell into his hand, he smiled.

"Got it."

She pulled her hand away, pretending she didn't notice the tears falling from her eyes. Gibbs watched her carefully, handing her a towel and when he wrapped it around her hand, she sighed.

"Thanks," she whispered.

As she walked back into the living room, Gibbs watched her, unsure if he should follow and finally his curiosity overpowered him. It was so unlike Jenny to break down over something as insignificant as a splinter, but he'd come to notice that her mental state was more than a little unpredictable since her attack.

Jenny made her way into the bathroom and turned the faucet on, letting the tub fill with water. The thing she needed now was to relax, and she could think of no better way. She could hear Gibbs downstairs and allowed herself a small smile as she heard him speaking on the phone. Assuming it was a case, she walked back down to her living room, preparing to pour herself a glass of wine.

* * *

Pulling out his phone, Gibbs called the one person he knew he could discuss Jenny's situation with, and as the doctor answered on the second ring, he hoped that she wouldn't reappear any time soon.

"Hey, Duck. Got a question."

"Of course, Jethro. By all means, ask away."

"After a sexual assault, is the victim more likely to become overly emotional about situations that normally wouldn't present a problem?"

"You mean Jennifer," the doctor replied knowingly.

"Yeah. She freaked out over a splinter in her hand. Nearly cut her finger off trying to get it out."

"Is she alright?"

"She is now."

"To answer your question, Jethro, yes. She is likely going to be a bit more fragile than normal now. As for how long it will last, your guess is as good as mine. As I've told you, just be patient. She'll come around."

"Thanks."

He hung up just as Jenny descended the stairs and flashed her a smile. She returned it briefly and he pulled her close to him.

"Going to take a bath?"

She nodded, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent of sawdust, bourbon, and coffee.

"Just getting a glass of wine."

He kissed her and allowed her to step away. He walked to the door, waiting until she had returned with her drink to speak and he smiled again.

"Be safe, Jen. I'll see you in the morning."

He opened the door, and just as he stepped onto the porch, she called his name, making him pause.

"Thank you. For everything."

He smirked.

"Rule 28, Jen."

She laughed and shut the door, turning to walk up her stairs. Stopping to grab her phone, she quickly texted him, knowing that he would see it when he reached his house. Hoping she remembered the correct number for the rule, she smirked as she tossed her phone on her bed before walking into her bathroom. She slid into the warm water and as she sipped her wine, she finally allowed herself to cry.

* * *

The little blinking light on his phone alerted him to a text message and as he flipped it open, he smiled when he saw Jenny's name on the screen. As he read her message, he smirked, proud that she had remembered the rule at all.

_Jethro-_

_ Rule 64._

_ -Jen_

He texted her back the same words and smiled as he made his way to his basement. Her meaning was clear by the text and he poured a drink, wondering why she had opted to respond to his remark through a message. He supposed it didn't matter, but something about it felt strange. Of course, Jenny had been acting less than normal lately anyway, so he tried not to read too much into it.

Rule 64 had been added after he'd lost Shannon and Kelly, not that he had ever broken it. He had always told his wife and daughter that he'd loved them, but he'd felt it warranted a place on his list regardless. Jenny's presence in his life had only solidified his belief, but they weren't words to be said lightly. She knew that, and he was thankful that she understood. He only hoped he could help pull her back from the edge she seemed to be so close to falling from.

* * *

**A/N: Rule 28-if you need help, ask. That one is actually mentioned in the show. Rule 64-Always say "I love you" when you mean it. That one, I made up myself. Let me know what you think!**


	6. I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

**A/N: This will likely be my last update for awhile. As of November 25th, I'll be working 75+ hours a week, so I probably won't have much time to write. I really am sorry, guys. I hope you understand. Enjoy.**

* * *

The moment she stood up, Jenny knew she'd made a mistake. Her vision swam and she stumbled to her bedroom, trying not to crash into the walls. She fumbled for her phone, calling the one person she knew she could trust and when he didn't answer, she sighed.

"Jethro...rules 64 and 18 apply here."

She hung up, letting the small device fall from her hand. She sank down onto her bed, curling up in an attempt to stop the shaking that had overtaken her entire body. As her mind raced, she tried to stay calm, but it was proving more than a little difficult.

What had she done?

* * *

Picking up his phone, Gibbs frowned at the blinking light. No one ever left him a voicemail. Flipping it open, his confusion only intensified when he saw Jenny's name on the screen. As he listened to her message, he grabbed his keys. Rule 64 made sense. Rule 18 didn't. Why would she need to ask for his forgiveness? He grabbed his jacket to protect against the biting cold and as he sped to Jenny's house, he tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

He quickly opened the door using her spare key, calling her name as he walked through the house. Finally, he found her in the bedroom and he immediately knew something was wrong. He shook her gently when she didn't respond to his voice, and when she still didn't move, he frowned. He felt for a pulse, breathing a sigh of relief as he found it. Weak and skipping erratically, but it was there.

"Jenny? Jenny, can you hear me?"

He made his way into her bathroom, intent on finding a towel, but when his eyes landed on the empty pill bottle on her sink, he swore. He ran back to her, lifting her into his arms and as he carefully placed her into the bathtub, he stuck his fingers down her throat. He turned the water on as cold as it could go, hoping the shock would rouse her.

"Come on, Jen."

He shoved his fingers further down her throat and finally, her body reacted. She jerked in his arms, lurching forward and as she emptied the contents of her stomach, he kept placing his fingers down her throat.

"Keep going, Jen. Don't stop now."

Finally, when he was convinced that she had gotten enough of the pills out of her system, he stopped. She collapsed against him and he kissed her hair gently.

"Jethro?" she whispered, her voice hoarse, "What happened?"

"You called me. Told me that rules 64 and 18 were in play. I came by and found you passed out on your bed. Found an empty bottle of pills in here. What the hell were you thinking, Jenny?"

She shook her head, trying to piece together what had happened. Her mind was still fuzzy and she frowned.

"I—I don't remember."

He stood up and looked at her sternly.

"Get up."

"What?"

"You heard me. Get up."

He pulled her to her feet and from there he swept her into his arms. As he walked down the staircase, Jenny frowned when he grabbed her jacket.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to see Ducky. You need to be checked out."

He silenced her protests with a glare and as he drove, Jenny felt an overwhelming sense of shame building within her chest. How could she have been so stupid?

* * *

Seeing Jennifer and Jethro in autopsy brought Ducky's mind back to the night a month ago when they had come to him for his discretion. He frowned at the sight before him, because something had definitely changed. Gibbs was still standing near her, but there was a coldness in his demeanor that hadn't been there a month ago.

"What can I do for you both?"

"Need you to run some tests. Make sure that there aren't any major amounts of drugs in her blood."

Ducky frowned.

"Jennifer?"

She didn't look at him, her gaze trained on the ground and he turned his eyes to Gibbs.

"Will one of you tell me what is going on?"

Gibbs jerked his head and Ducky followed him out into the hall by the elevator. Jenny stayed where she was, too embarrassed to put up any kind of fight.

"Well?"

"She tried to kill herself."

The doctor looked at him sharply and he sighed.

"Are you quite sure?"

The answering glare that Gibbs fixed him with made him raise his hands in surrender.

"Very well. What did she use?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Ask her. I didn't look at it."

Ducky nodded and turned to walk back into the room. Jenny jumped at the doors slid open and when the doctor approached her, she tried to smile.

"Ducky, I'm fine. Really."

He shook his head, pulling out a needle and syringe. The colour drained from her face and Gibbs walked back in, his eyes hard. Seeing the fear in her eyes, he came to stand next to her and he took her hand in his. He might have been angry at the situation, but he wasn't going to desert her now. Ducky took her other arm and gently rolled her sleeve up, looking at her seriously.

"Are you ready?"

She nodded, and turned away as he moved closer. As the needle bit into her skin, she flinched but said nothing. Her grip was painfully tight on his hand, but Gibbs knew enough not to comment on it. Finally, the needle was removed and Jenny visibly relaxed as the doctor walked away to take the vial to Abby's lab. They both knew that the scientist would be discreet and Jenny looked over at Gibbs nervously.

"Jethro?"

He gave no indication that he'd heard her, but she continued anyway.

"I know how you feel about apologies, but I really am sorry."

He looked at her briefly, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Why?"

Jenny frowned.

"Why?" she repeated.

"You tried to kill yourself, tried to take away the most important thing in my life. I want to know why."

She sighed. She'd known this would come up, but she wasn't sure of how to answer.

"I...I didn't know how to deal with the pain. Everyone on your team looks at me like I'm broken somehow, I get scared over the simplest things...I can't sleep. Every second I'm alone, I feel like he's going to come back again to do something worse. I don't know how to live my life now. I don't know what to do. You're going to get tired of dealing with me, and I couldn't handle it if you left me. I've lost so much of who I am, and I can't lose you, too."

He frowned as she spoke, a clearer understanding of her mental state unfolding before him and he nodded slowly.

"Jen...I understand a lot of what you're going through. I almost made the same mistake fifteen years ago. But if I had done what you nearly did...I would have never met the best person in my life since my wife and daughter."

"Ducky?" she asked jokingly.

"Not funny, Jen."

She gave him a sad smile and he leaned over to kiss her on the top of her head.

"Will you start talking to me? I want to know when you're having a bad day. I can't help you if I don't know there's a problem."

She nodded and as she hopped down from the autopsy table, Gibbs brought his hand up to smack the back of her head. Her eyes widened and she whirled around to glare at him. He smirked in response and when Ducky returned moments later, he stepped away from her.

"How long, Duck?"

"Few hours, probably. Depends on Abigail. She's quite...um...bouncy today."

Jenny laughed and Ducky turned to her, a look of mild shock on his face. He walked over to her, wrapping her in a hug and as he pulled away, his lips were close to her ear.

"It's good to hear you laugh, my dear."

She frowned.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?"

He exchanged a look with Gibbs, who nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Because it's been such a long time since we've heard it, Jennifer."

As she walked past him, Gibbs aimed another slap to the back of her head, lighter this time, and when she turned to face him, he pulled her into his arms.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Ducky smiled at the scene in front of him and as they exited the room, he sighed.

"About time," he muttered softly.

* * *

Jenny watched Gibbs carefully as he sat in the interrogation room. He hadn't spoken yet, and it had already begun to make their suspect nervous. She smiled as he sipped his coffee, fully aware of the effect he had on the younger man, and when she felt a slight movement to her right, she turned.

"Excuse me, Director. I have the results of the blood test Gibbs wanted."

She gave Abby a smile and nodded, taking the piece of paper from the young woman.

"I'll take it to him."

"But...he doesn't like to be interrupted when—"

"Abby. I'm the Director. He'll get over it."

Jenny walked past her, opening the door and when she entered the interrogation room, Gibbs glared at her.

"I have results for you."

He nodded once, but said nothing. The young man across from him eyed her curiously and she glanced at him before shutting the door again.

"Who's she?"

"None of your business."

"Wouldn't mind getting to know her."

Gibbs glared, not sure of how to respond. He stood up from the table and as he reached for the handle, he turned back to the man still sitting.

"When you feel like telling me what you know, I'll be back."

He found Jenny in the hall, a smirk on her face and he glared at her.

"Very funny, Director."

She handed him the slip of paper and as he scanned it, he sighed in relief. None of the pills she had taken were enough to cause permanent damage, and he looked at her curiously. She was pale and her eyes seemed slightly unfocused, but there was otherwise no sign that anything was wrong.

"Glad you're okay. But if you _ever_ do anything like that again, I'll handcuff you to DiNozzo for a week."

She smiled and reached up to touch his face gently.

"Duly noted. Now, get back to your case."

He nodded, and leaned down, placing a light kiss on her cheek. Jenny turned away, oblivious to the two agents who had seen the entire exchange as they'd walked up to speak with their team leader.

* * *

McGee and DiNozzo watched in shock as Gibbs kissed Jenny on the cheek and walked back into the interrogation room. As soon as she had disappeared down the hall, they exchanged a glance and began walking in the direction of Abby's lab. As usual, the Goth had music blaring and it took a few moments for her to realise that she wasn't alone.

"Abby!"

She turned, and gave McGee a smile.

"Hi. Guys, I told you: I don't have anything yet and—"

"Gibbs kissed the Director."

She froze, her eyes wide and looked to McGee for confirmation. He nodded.

"It's true. Saw it myself."

"This is great! Was it a big deep romantic kiss that swept her off her feet?"

McGee shook his head.

"On the cheek."

"McGee! He kisses _me_ on the cheek," Abby pointed out.

"Yes, but he doesn't look at you the way he was looking at her."

Abby smiled. She'd always known that Gibbs and the Director had feelings for each other. Now, it was looking like Mommy and Daddy were closer than ever to making her dreams of a true family a reality.

"Right. How high was the pool?"

* * *

As he drove Jenny back to her house, Gibbs couldn't help but glance over at her every chance he had. She'd been unusually quiet during the drive, and as he pulled up outside of her townhouse, he frowned. She stepped out of his truck and he watched her as she unlocked her front door. It wasn't until he'd seen her safely inside that he drove his truck around the block and parked it to avoid any prying eyes.

When he walked through her door, he was surprised to find that she had already slipped out of her heels and poured them both a glass of wine. He wasn't much for wine normally, but he'd found out long ago that it tasted much sweeter when it had lingered on her lips. As he pulled her into his arms, she smiled, her eyes offering him the apology that she knew he secretly wanted and as he brought his lips to hers, she knew he had forgiven her.

"Jethro..."

"Hmm?"

"Thought you had a case."

He shook his head and kissed her again. She wrapped his arms around him, and he lightly ran his tongue over her bottom lip. She moaned as he tangled his hands in her hair and when he lifted her off her feet, she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. A few heated kisses later, he set her down again and backed her toward the stairs.

"Jethro, your case."

"It can wait."

He led her up the stairs, and as they tumbled into the bed, he made it his mission to prove to her just how much she meant to him. Just how much he couldn't live without her.

* * *

McGee sighed as he tried, for the eighth time, to reach his boss. Their suspect had finally admitted to committing the murder they were investigating and he needed to inform Gibbs. Tony passed him as he groaned in frustration and turned.

"What's wrong, Probie Wan Kenobi?"

"Can't reach Gibbs."

Tony frowned, picking up his phone. When it went to voicemail, Tony sighed as he hung up, his eyes flickering to the younger agent.

"This isn't good."

"What isn't good?"

"Can't reach Gibbs. Any ideas, Ziva?"

The Israeli shook her head and sat down at her desk, trying to finish writing her report.

"Hey...what about the Director?" McGee asked suddenly.

"What about her?"

"We could ask her what to do."

Ziva frowned.

"She is at home. I heard her tell Ducky that she was leaving an hour ago."

Tony looked at McGee, and his eyes widened as he realised what the older agent had in mind. Shaking his head, McGee looked between his other two colleagues.

"No way, Tony. I am _not_ calling the Director at her house."

"Flip you for it."

Knowing he would never win, McGee sighed, picking up his phone. He quickly dialed Jenny's home number, frowning as it kept ringing. He tried her cell next, and as it rang, he glared at the Senior Field Agent, half-hoping she wouldn't answer.

"Shepard."

Damn. No such luck.

"Um..Director Shepard, I'm—I'm sorry to bother you but um..."

"Spit it out, Agent McGee."

"Our suspect confessed and we needed to let Gibbs know, but we can't find him."

"Has he been arrested?"

"No, ma'am. I wanted to let Gibbs know first."

McGee could feel the eyes of Tony and Ziva on him as he spoke to her, but he was determined to keep a calm demeanor.

"Consider it done, Agent McGee. Is there anything else?"

He was just opening his mouth to answer when a low voice came through in the background.

"Jen, everything okay?"

McGee heard her soft reply, and couldn't keep the surprise from his eyes as he realised who had spoken to her.

"Agent McGee, is there anything else?"

"No, ma'am. Again, I'm sorry to bother you."

He hung up and as soon as he released his hold on the phone, Tony tossed a paper clip across the room at him.

"What's with the face, McGoogle?"

"Nothing."

Tony glanced at Ziva.

"You buying that?"

She shook her head and McGee sighed.

"Someone was with the Director when I called."

"Ooh, a male someone? Sad, even the Director has a better sex life than you, McLonely."

"It sounded like Gibbs."

Tony laughed and shook his head.

"Look, I know he kissed her on the cheek, but that doesn't mean they're sleeping together."

Ziva snorted and they both looked over at her.

"Nice try, Tony. We all know that you started that pool."

Tony had the good grace to look embarrassed, but he knew that no one bought it. McGee returned to his computer and tried to ignore the stares of his friends. Sadly, it wasn't working.

* * *

Jenny couldn't contain her laughter as she hung up the phone and Gibbs raised his eyebrow in question.

"Care to share?"

She shook her head as she tried to catch her breath and as he pulled her into his arms, she rested her head on his chest.

"McGee knows you're here."

He smirked and kissed her lightly.

"Problem?"

She shrugged, kissing his cheek and she ran her fingers through his hair, loving the light smirk he gave her.

"Depends. Do you want the team finding out about us?"

"As if they don't already have a betting pool, Jen?"

She lightly smacked him on the arm and smiled.

"Shut up, Jethro."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

As much as he hated to, Gibbs had to leave Jenny to return to the Navy Yard and his case. She kissed him gently as he left and when she locked the door, she smiled to herself. Pouring herself another glass of wine, she sighed as she sipped it, and she found her thoughts returning to the man who had just left her house. She fought the urge to scream at herself as she sat in her study and ran her hand furiously through her hair.

"Get it together, Shepard."

The voice in her head that sounded strangely like her own was telling her that she'd royally messed up and that Jethro would be better off without her. She knew, logically, that she was being ridiculous, but she was still having a difficult time of convincing herself. His whispered words as he'd held her in his arms had made her feel like the only woman in the world, and she'd never felt safer than she did with him.

Pulling out her phone, she sent a quick text, hoping that he wasn't driving.

_Jethro-_

_Don't kill your suspect. Even my powers have limits._

_ -Jen_

* * *

Gibbs smirked as he read Jenny's text and when he returned to the bullpen, Tony jumped.

"Boss. Davis confessed to the murder. We thought you would want to be the one to arrest him."  
"Why?"

"Well...because you generally like arresting people."

He delivered a slap to the back of the younger man's head and Tony frowned as he walked away.

"One of these days, I'm going to end up with permanent brain damage."

"Or you might learn to stop speaking before you think," McGee said dryly.

"I wonder if he's always done that to his team," Tony muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

"He has as long as I've known him."

Tony whipped around, fumbling in his embarrassment.

"Director Shepard! I-I didn't mean—"

"Relax, Tony. We've all been the victim of a Gibbs head slap at least once," Jenny smiled.

Tony laughed, then as he realised she was serious, his eyes widened.

"Wait—even you?"

She raised her eyebrow as she passed.

"I was his partner, too. For the record, it always hurts like hell," she called over her shoulder.

Tony's shocked expression was enough to keep her smiling all the way to her office.

* * *

The door of her office swung open, but Jenny didn't even glance up from her computer.

"Yes, Jethro?"

There was no answer, and she sighed, pulling off her glasses, irritated.

"_What_, Jethro?"

She looked up, and the glare on her face softened as she saw Ducky standing in front of her, a smirk on his face.

"I'd hate to be Jethro right now," he quipped, "Your wrath is not to be incurred lightly."

She smiled and gestured for him to sit. He did so, watching her carefully, searching for any indication of side effects from the pills she'd taken earlier. Her hands shook slightly as she reached for her coffee, but it was such a common occurrence that he wasn't sure if he should write it off or not.

"What can I do for you, Ducky?"

He paused for a moment, unsure of how to begin. It wasn't often that he was at a loss for words, but this situation was delicate and he wanted to approach it properly.

"Ducky?"

"Jennifer, how long have we known each other?"

She frowned.

"A long time. Why?"

"How long have you known Jethro?"

Now her glare had returned, and it was so reminiscent of Gibbs that he nearly smiled.

"What's your point here?"

"Why did you ever think that you couldn't come to us with the emotions you've been dealing with? Did you think we wouldn't understand or that we didn't care?"

"Ducky, I—"

"Let me finish. I am beyond angry with you presently, but that doesn't change the fact that I will always listen if you need me."

He noticed the pain in her eyes and paused, looking at her a bit harsher than he normally would have.

"Yes?" he asked.

"You're angry with me."

It wasn't a question, but he nodded nonetheless.

"Yes. Jennifer, do you not realise how much pain you put Jethro through with what you did today? If he hadn't acted so quickly, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. He already lost you once, I don't know if he could handle it again. Not this way. He loves you more than he'd ever admit. You didn't see him when he told me what had happened to you that night. You didn't hear the pain in his voice when he asked me how to help you. Please, Jennifer. Talk to him. Or me, if you don't feel like telling him. But we can't lose you. We need you. _He_ needs you."

Jenny frowned, trying to figure out the best way to explain herself. She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the tears in her eyes.

"You don't understand, Ducky. I'm nothing but an inconvenience to everyone. To the team, I'm just their boss, someone that they have to deal with when they can't find Gibbs. To my superiors, I'm someone to blame when things go wrong. To all the politicians I deal with, I'm just something they can look at like a piece of meat. To Jethro...God, I don't even know what I am to Jethro. I'm someone comfortable to him. Someone he comes to when he needs something approved or if he wants a quick fuck that he won't have to commit to. No one here needs me. I'd be doing everyone a favour."

Ducky was silent, frowning at her words, and before he could speak, she had continued.

"Besides, it's pretty selfish to ask someone who is in so much pain to stay alive just to keep _you_ from feeling bad. It's not about you or Jethro, or anyone else. This is about me. How _I_ feel. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do. As I'm sure you do as well."

Her dismissal was final and as he made his way to her door, he threw her a sad look over his shoulder.

"Jennifer?"

She glanced up and he met her eyes.

"You don't know how wrong you are."

* * *

Gibbs had just sat down at his desk when the doctor stopped in front of it, his eyes serious.

"We need to talk. Now."

Nodding, Gibbs stood and as they made their way to the elevator, the silver-haired agent could feel the eyes of his team on him. As soon as the doors shut, Ducky flipped the emergency switch and Gibbs frowned. Ducky never initiated meetings, and he knew this had to be serious.

"What's going on, Duck?"

"Whatever you do tonight, do not leave Jennifer alone."

"Why?"

"She's in a very dark place right now. I'm more than a little concerned for her safety. I've never heard her talk the way she did just now in her office."

Gibbs frowned.

"I'm sure Jen's fine."

Ducky glared at him and he immediately stopped any protest he had been planning.

"Jethro, she doesn't think her life matters to anyone. She thinks that she'd be making life easier for everyone if she weren't around any longer. She sees herself as an inconvenience to everyone."

Gibbs sighed and Ducky looked at him sadly.

"How do I make her see that she's wrong?"

The doctor's head shook and Gibbs could have sworn that he saw tears in the older man's eyes.

"I honestly don't know."

* * *

As Gibbs tried to enter her office, Jenny was leaving and as they collided, he frowned. He held out his arm to steady her and when he glanced down at her, he could feel her exhaustion. Slightly smudged makeup gave credit to his theory that she'd been crying and as she met his eyes, she frowned.

"Can I help you?"

"Heading home?"

She nodded silently, and he held out his arm. She hooked hers through it and as he led her towards the stairs, she paused.

"Where's your team?"

He shrugged.

"What if they see us?"

Shrugging again, he steered her closer to the catwalk and as they descended the stairs, she was relieved to find the squad room was deserted.

"Hey, Jen?"

She looked up at him and he leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. As he pulled away, her eyes darted around the room and when she spoke, her voice was frantic.

"What are you doing, Jethro?!"

"Reminding you how much you mean to me."

They entered the elevator and it wasn't until the doors were sliding shut that he noticed the shocked expression of the open-mouthed Goth from across the room. He smirked at her, and when the doors had closed completely, he was happy to find that Jenny hadn't noticed her.

"Jen, don't you have some charity ball or something coming up soon?"

She frowned, glancing over at him and nodded.

"Yeah. Something like that. I already have my security detail set up, so don't worry about it."

He shook his head.

"I wasn't asking about security. I'm going with you. As a date."

She laughed incredulously and now it was his turn to frown.

"What? You never go to those. You hate them."

He nodded, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"Yeah, but I love you."

She smiled as he kissed her and pulled her closer against him. The elevator doors opened and they broke apart before anyone could notice them. They climbed into his truck and as he drove back to his house, Jenny found herself wondering if the screaming in her head would ever stop.

* * *

Cynthia finished pulling up the zipper on the back of Jenny's dress and when she stepped back, she gave her boss a huge smile.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Director."

Jenny smiled.

"Thank you, Cynthia."

A soft knock on the door caused them both to turn and Jenny gasped in shock as Gibbs stuck his head around the corner.

"You never knock, Jethro."

"Figured you might have been getting dressed."

Cynthia excused herself as she assured Jenny that her car would be ready in ten minutes and Jenny looked at Gibbs appreciatively. She still couldn't believe that he had willingly offered to accompany her to a charity function, but she wasn't going to complain. She had always loved the way he looked in a suit and tie, so she was definitely _not_ going to miss an opportunity to see it. His own eyes roamed over every inch of her body and he smiled.

"You're gorgeous, Jen."

It was true: the long satin gown she wore was a deep emerald green that perfectly complimented her eyes, and the small crystals that adorned it made it impossible to look away from her. Or perhaps, that was just Jenny in general. Her hair loosely curled just below her shoulders and if he'd thought he could get away with it, he would have ran his fingers through it to see if it was a soft as it appeared. Her lips were painted a light pink, just enough to give a hint of shimmer, and they turned upward as she thanked him.

"You look pretty amazing yourself, Jethro."

She threaded her arm through his and when they walked slowly down the stairs, Abby's exclamation made everyone's eyes snap up.

"Wow, Director! You look incredible!"

"Thank you, Abby."

"Gibbs, you look really spiffy. I like it."

He arched an eyebrow at the bubbly Goth.

"Spiffy?" he repeated.

"Yeah."

"You guys look really good. Have fun," Tony added.

Jenny looked away, somewhat embarrassed at the compliments and Gibbs frowned. Sometimes, he didn't remember that Jenny was unaware of just how attractive she really was. He made a mental note to demonstrate her effect on him later that night.

"Have a good night, Jennifer. Jethro, don't kill anyone."

Jenny laughed at Ducky's words and leaned to kiss him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Ducky."

As Gibbs led her to the elevator, one hand on the small of her back, Abby smiled, nodding to the other agents in the room. McGee and Tony exchanged a glance and when their bosses had gone, Abby jumped in her place.

"Told you! They're totally together! Did you see the way he looked at her?"

"Don't gossip, Abigail."

"It's not gossip if it's true," she pouted.

"To be fair, she looked _really_ good."

The punch on his arm made Tony instantly regret his words.

"Not funny, Tony! She's a woman, not a sex doll."

As Ducky listened to the bantering of his colleagues, he found his thoughts wandering to the couple who had just left. Though she had seemed better, Jenny was an accomplished actress. It was one of the reasons she'd been so good undercover. He only hoped that Gibbs would be able to get through to her before it was too late.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews make me smile!**


	7. Spinning In Constellations

**A/N: Miraculously, I had a little time to write. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The scream ripped through the silence and Gibbs bolted upright, swearing when he hit his head on the shell of his boat. Taking the steps two at a time, he reached his bedroom in record speed and when he saw Jenny crumpled on the floor, he immediately crossed the room.

"Jen?"

She jumped as he touched her, but she didn't move away. He reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulder and he pulled her into him, cradling her against his chest. She was shaking violently and as he stroked her hair, he tried to figure out what had caused her to end up on his floor.

"What happened, Jenny?"

"I keep dreaming about it. Every time I fall asleep...I can feel his hands all over me, I can taste the blood...How do I make it stop?"

He pressed a kiss to her temple, tightening his hold on her.

"It takes time. And I'll be here to help you. I promise."

She raised her eyes to his, and the fear he saw reflected in their depths nearly took his breath away. Burying her head in his chest, she tried to regulate her breathing, embarrassed at the way she had reacted to a dream.

"Jethro?" her voice was muffled against his chest.

"Hm?"

"Please don't give up on me."

Though her words were a mere whisper, he heard them as clearly as if she had shouted. He kissed her hair and took a deep breath, relishing the scent of her perfume.

"Never," he murmured into her hair.

* * *

As much as he hated to admit it, Gibbs was tired. He hadn't slept much in the past few days and the absence of his favourite redhead hadn't helped matters. She'd been in MTAC pretty much non-stop for the past three days, and he had only glimpsed her once as she'd gotten what he assumed was her hundredth cup of coffee for the day. He blinked as he tried to focus on the report he'd been writing, but his eyes simply refused to cooperate. He was just so damn _tired_.

His team was due back in the office in a few hours, and more than anything, he wanted to know how Jenny was doing. Sighing, he pushed his chair back from his desk and made his way towards the steps. He knew the Director would have to come back to her office eventually, and he intended to wait for her until she did. It didn't hurt matters that she had a particularly comfortable couch in her office.

Smirking slightly, he entertained himself by browsing at the papers she had left sitting on her desk before sitting on her couch. If he took a deep enough breath, he could have sworn that he could smell her perfume embedded into the leather. His eyes closed, and before he knew what had happened, he had fallen into a relaxing sleep that he would have denied needing until his very last breath.

* * *

When Jenny finally stepped into her office an hour later, she froze in her tracks as she caught sight of the former marine sleeping on her couch. Laughing softly, she shook her head and slipped off her heels, wanting to be as silent as possible. He looked more peaceful in sleep than he ever had awake and she ran her hand lightly through his silver hair. He shifted at her touch and she sighed. She'd been intending to take a nap of her own, but now that was looking impossible.

"Jethro."

She shook his shoulder gently and smiled when he tried to throw her off.

"Jethro, get up."

"M'sleeping."

"Yes, on _my _couch. Move."

He grunted in response and she frowned, shaking him again.

"Seriously, Jethro. I was going to take a nap. _Move_."

He shook his head, opening his arms.

"Room for you, too."

She frowned.

"You're not serious."

He shrugged, cracking open one eye.

"Suit yourself. S'comfortable."

She sighed, glaring at him.

"I know. It's _my_ damn couch!"

He smirked and she sighed again. Sensing that she wasn't going to win this battle, she sat down next to him and he pulled her down to lay in his arms. She nestled into his embrace and it wasn't long before she found herself giving in to the exhaustion she had been fighting for so long.

* * *

When Gibbs opened his eyes, he was surprised to find that Jenny was nowhere to be seen. Just as he was preparing to search the building, she re-entered her office, offering him a tired smile. He returned it and watched her as she moved to sit behind her desk. He would never tell her, but he had always secretly loved to watch her work. He found her concentration endearing, and the way her eyes flitted around her screen was amusing in ways he couldn't describe.

Though he didn't know it, Jenny was in no way concentrating on the words in front of her. Her focus was consumed by trying to keep her breathing under control. She couldn't quite understand why, but she suddenly found it very difficult to breathe, and she could feel the hot prickling of tears in her eyes.

"Going for coffee. Want anything?"

She shook her head slowly and he frowned. He could sense that her demeanour had changed, but he wasn't sure exactly how. He glanced at her once more before walking out of the room and as soon as the door shut behind him, she blinked. Tears dripped onto her shaking hand and she stood to make her way unsteadily to her couch. Perhaps staying awake for nearly seventy-two hours straight hadn't been her brightest idea, but somehow she didn't think her current state could be chalked up to simple exhaustion.

Sinking down onto the soft leather, Jenny placed her head in her hands, trying to stop the sobs that racked her body. She didn't look up as she heard Gibbs return, and when he spoke, his voice was rough.

"Damn it, Jen."

She flinched at his harsh tone, and he frowned. He knelt in front of her, trying to catch her eyes and when she wouldn't look at him, he understood.

"I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at the sick bastard who did this to you."

She shook her head, still not looking at him, and he tried again.

"Hey...it wasn't your fault. You were attacked, Jen. And when I find the bastard who hurt you, I'm going to break his damn neck."

Her breathing was heavy, and he moved to sit next to her. She laid her head on his shoulder, gripping his shirt tightly in her fingers.

"I feel like I'm going to be sick," she moaned.

He kissed her hair gently and ran his fingers through the long red strands.

"Jethro..." her voice was low, pained, "I hate this so much."

Gibbs nodded, his hand still tangled in her hair. Jenny closed her eyes and sighed, willing her heartbeat to slow. The beep of her intercom made her glance up and as Cynthia's soft voice filled the room, she frowned.

"Excuse me, Director. You're needed in MTAC."

She stood, swaying slightly on her feet and Gibbs reached out to steady her. He looked down at her seriously and as she tried to walk away, he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Jen. You're exhausted. This can wait."

Her head shook, and she raised her eyes to his. The viridian irises seemed to be screaming that she wished she could agree, but she stepped away.

"I have work to do."

He knew it would be pointless to try to convince her to stay so he simply nodded. She swept past him without another word and he frowned as her door swung shut behind her. Making a mental note to try talking to her later, Gibbs decided to make his way back down to his desk. Maybe something would come along to distract him.

* * *

Hours later, Gibbs frowned as he stared at his screen. He hadn't seen Jenny since she'd left for MTAC, and yet he knew she hadn't left the building. He'd been periodically glancing up at the catwalk to see if she passed, and as it neared 21:00, he sighed. Finally, he decided that he wasn't going to wait for her any longer and stood from his desk, making his way to the steps. He scanned himself into MTAC and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he searched for Jenny.

He found her near the middle of the room, her arm resting on her chair, barely holding her head up. Her eyes were watching the screen, but he seriously doubted if her mind registered any of the images that flickered across it. She glanced at him as he sat down next to her, and he offered her a smile. Returning it tiredly, she checked to make sure no one was observing them before she spoke.

"What are you doing here, Jethro?"

"Wondering where you were. It's late. You should go home."

Her head shook slowly.

"I can't. I have work to do. Besides, it's not that late."

"21:00. You need to rest."

She frowned, grabbing his wrist to check his watch.

"I didn't realise it was so late."

He looked at her seriously, and her tired eyes met his slowly.

"Jen. Go home. If anything major happens, they'll call you."

She was silent for a long moment and he wondered what could possibly be going through her mind. Finally, she nodded and he smiled.

"Get your coat. Cold out."

He lightly touched her shoulder and as he stood, he held out his hand. She took it and he led her to the door, smiling as she walked out in front of him.

"Jen?"

She turned.

"Thanks."

Her eyes filled with confusion and she frowned.

"For what?"

"Letting me help you."

* * *

Jenny hated being bored. She'd already finished the work she'd brought home with her, and now she was pacing her study, trying to find something to occupy her time. She hadn't wanted to admit it to Gibbs, but she'd been deliberately working more frequently, trying to convince herself that her life was perfectly normal. Most of the time, she was able to believe the lie, but when she had nothing to distract her, she fought to ignore the panic that she felt rising in her chest.

Her eyes flickered to the decanter of bourbon on her shelf and she shook her head. She'd promised herself after the last time she'd spent drunk of Gibbs' house, she wasn't going to drink heavily again. Managing it hadn't been easy, but so far, she had only taken the occasional drink after work. Picking up her phone, she sighed as she dialed his number.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Are you busy?"

"No more than usual. You okay?"

"I'm bored."

"What?"

"I'm bored," she repeated, "I need something to distract me."

"Isn't that what television is for? Or books?"

"Or building a boat in your basement?"

"Hush."

She laughed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Well, if you aren't going to help me, I don't want to talk to you."

"Not much I can do from here, Jen," he reminded her.

Jenny blew her hair out of her face, rolling her eyes. As if he could see her, Gibbs laughed and she frowned.

"Anything else?"

"No. I guess not."

"If you do need anything, call me."

"I will."

He hung up and she tossed her phone in the chair behind her desk. It bounced and landed somewhere with a clatter. Knowing she had already resigned herself to a drink, she poured a generous amount into a crystal tumbler. Shuddering as she swallowed, Jenny walked back into her living room , decanter and tumbler in hand, and as she sank down on her couch, she sighed to herself. Surely she could handle a few drinks.

* * *

As his eyes slowly opened, Gibbs could sense, rather than see, that he was no longer alone in his basement. His body tensed instinctively and he found himself searching blindly for a weapon. As his other senses began to awaken, he frowned. The distinct scent of perfume filled the room and as he realised that he recognised the perfume, he slowly relaxed.

"Planning on shooting me, Jethro?"

"Jen?"

He could see her now, leaning against the skeleton of his boat, her eyes bright in the darkness. He reached out to click on the lamp he kept near the old couch he had, and as the dim light flooded the space, he blinked rapidly.

"What're you doing here?"

"Told you I was bored," she said simply.

He frowned. There was more to her unexplained appearance than she was telling him, but he didn't have the slightest idea what else it could be. He sat up slowly and when he took in her clothing, he was even more confused. Normally, she dressed impeccably when her drivers dropped her off, but the yoga pants and oversized shirt suggested that she'd driven herself. Jenny didn't drive often, unless she was trying to avoid being seen, so she must not have wanted her security detail to know she'd come to him.

She still hadn't moved, but as he stood, she smiled. Her hair was down, slightly tangled, and her makeup was smudged a bit around her emerald eyes. She'd been crying.

"What's wrong, Jenny?"

"Nothing."

He was directly in front of her now, and he could detect another scent, barely noticeable under the camouflage of her perfume. She smelled of bourbon and he suddenly understood.

"Didn't want to drink alone?"

A frown crossed her face and she tilted her head slightly in confusion.

"I haven't been drinking."

Even she could feel the twitch of her right eye, and he glared at her.

"Fair enough," he said sarcastically, "then walk to the table and back without stumbling."

She glared.

"Are you serious?"

He cocked an eyebrow at her and she sighed, pushing off of the boat. She made it halfway to the table before her foot slipped and it wasn't until she turned to glare at him again that he noticed she was barefoot. No wonder she had seemed so small. He walked closer to her, looking down at her sadly.

"Jen."

She sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"Fine. Yes, I had a few drinks. More than a few. Satisfied?"

"Did you drive?"

Her head shook.

"Taxi."

He nodded, reaching for his own bottle of bourbon. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his throat as he swallowed, watching the tendons and muscles in his neck move, and she frowned. What was wrong with her? Why had she seriously thought she could lie to him?

Gibbs poured her a good measure of bourbon in an empty mason jar and as she took a long drink, she closed her eyes. She jumped as his hand reached out to brush against her cheek and when she looked up at him, he smiled.

"Where are your shoes?"

She shrugged. He picked up his sander, knowing she wouldn't mind him working and as he turned to his boat, he saw her lean against the table. He waited, knowing she would speak when she was ready, and tried to pretend that he wasn't worried.

"Jethro?"

He smirked. He'd known that he wouldn't have to wait long. Alcohol had always made Jenny more talkative than usual, and when something was bothering her, it became ten times worse.

"Hm?"

"Why is this so hard for me?"

He turned to look at her and frowned. She was picking up various tools from his desk, examining them as though she'd never seen them before, and he suddenly realised that she was nervous.

"I mean, I've been shot before. More than once. I've been kidnapped. Had the shit beaten out of me by old boyfriends. Tortured. Why is this so hard for me to move on from?"

She waited for him to answer and he looked at her carefully, staying silent.

"It shouldn't be this hard, Jethro. I hate feeling like this. I've never been this fucking fragile before and it makes me sick."

"There's no rule book, Jen."

"Why do I feel guilty? I feel like it's my fault."

He shrugged.

"Maybe you should. Maybe this _is_ all your fault."

Jenny's eyes flashed, and he knew he had her.

"That's not fair, Jethro,," she began, her words more than a little slurred, "I didn't _ask_ for him to pin me down in that parking lot. I didn't ask for him to hit me, and I sure as hell didn't ask to be raped! It's not my fault."

She had picked up his knife and was pointing it at him accusingly. She turned it over in her hands thoughtfully, mesmerised by the glint of the light on the blade.

"Sometimes, I wish I could just cut it out of me. That part of me that feels scared every time I'm alone in the dark. I loved the dark. Loved the night and I loved being able to enjoy it by myself if I wanted. He took that away from me. I don't even feel safe opening my curtains anymore. I used to lie in bed and look at the sky before I slept. Remember?"

He nodded, thinking about the many times she had kept him awake in Paris talking of constellations and the sheer vastness of the universe.

"I can't do that now. How is that fair? What gave him the right to take away the parts of myself that I still love? This isn't my fault, Jethro."

He reached for the knife still held in her hand and gently set it back on the table. She raised tear-filled eyes to his, and when she reached for him, he gathered her in his arms. She whimpered against his chest, but refused to let herself cry.

"Shh..." he kissed her hair, "Come on, Jen. Let's go upstairs."

She nodded and he led her to the steps, guiding her carefully so that she didn't fall. When they reached his room, he opened the window slightly and she frowned.

"What are you doing?"

He didn't answer, leading her to the bed. He pulled her into his arms as they laid down and he pointed to the window.

"Look, Jen."

She followed his finger and frowned.

"What?"

"Cassiopeia. Your favourite constellation."

Jenny's eyes lit up as they landed on the stars and she turned slightly to look at him.

"Why?"

"You deserve to be able to look at the night sky whenever you want. That sick bastard is never going to lay a hand on you again, and I'm going to keep you safe."

She kissed him and settled back into his warm embrace. Her eyes stayed locked on the stars that she'd never thought she would feel safe enough to see again and when she finally fell asleep, Gibbs kissed her cheek lightly.

"Love you, Jen."

* * *

Jenny cursed under her breath as she hung up her phone. She'd just been asked—no, _ordered_ was more like it—to hand over jurisdiction to the FBI on the latest case Gibbs was working on, and she knew he wasn't going to take it well. Rubbing her temple slowly, she wished more than anything that she could take a nap to mentally prepare for the rest of her day, but wishing was pointless. She would simply have to grit her teeth and get through it as best she could. Sometimes, she really wondered why she had accepted this job.

* * *

The door of her office opened so forcefully that it bounced off the wall and almost closed on its own. Jenny glared at Gibbs as he approached her desk, anger evident in every fiber of his being.

"What the hell, Jen?! You gave our case to the FBI?"

"I had to."

"You could have fought against it! They're just going to screw up everything we worked for!"

"Close the door, please."

"You really don't want me to do that."

"_Close the goddamned door, Jethro_."

His eyes widened slightly, but he did as he was told. As he turned to face her again, he could detect the barely-contained rage that caused the slight tremor in her body, and he sighed. Though he knew it hadn't been her fault, he needed someone to direct his anger towards.

"Sit down, Jethro."

"No."

"Then listen. I had absolutely no choice but to turn over our jurisdiction. The body we found had been dumped at the Naval base, not killed there. Not our case."

"Come on, Jen. You know—"

"What I _know_, Agent Gibbs, is that I am still your boss. I'm not your little probie anymore, and whether you like it or not, you do still have to respect my authority, regardless of whether you respect me."

"That's bull, Jen. You know damn well that I respect you."

"Do I?" her eyebrow arched and his glare intensified, "You undermine me constantly, you barge into my office like you own it, and you question even the simplest of orders. You don't respect me at all."

She was still shaking, and he walked closer to her, expecting to see tears in her eyes. They were dry, but there was a coldness in them that he hadn't seen in quite awhile.

"Jen," his voice was softer, "you honestly don't believe that I respect you?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed. He took a step closer and she automatically stepped back, shaking her head.

"Get out of my office."

"Jenny—"

"_Now_, Agent Gibbs."

He stared at her for a moment longer, trying to decide if she was serious. Sensing that she was, he nodded, opening the door and when it closed behind him, she sighed as she sank down into her chair.

* * *

"Gibbs! I thought we lost our case to the FBI. What are you doing down here?"

He offered a smirk and handed the scientist a CAF-POW. She smiled and grabbed it from his hand, immediately sucking down the drink.

"Do you have anything on our other case?"

She frowned.

"What other case?"

"The one you're supposed to be working with Ducky on. The Director, Abs."

Finally, it dawned on her and she sighed, shaking her head.

"No. Afraid not, Gibbs. There's just not enough to go on. The video doesn't give us a clear look at his face, no DNA to run, nothing distinctive other than the tattoo that millions of other people have."

He nodded. Disappointing though it was, Gibbs hadn't really expected any different. Abby was watching him curiously, and he tilted his head.

"Problem, Abby?"

"It's just...you usually discuss this when the Director's here, too. Is something wrong?"

He shook his head.

"Gibbs...is she okay?"

"She's fine, Abs."

Something must have shown in his face, because Abby frowned. Her bright green eyes narrowed at him and she shook her head.

"You guys had a fight, didn't you? Gibbs! You can't fight with her right now! She's upset, she's stressed, she's probably scared. You have to fix this."

He simply stared at her before turning and as he walked towards her door, she called out after him.

"The kids don't like it when Mommy and Daddy fight."

* * *

Abby's words circled around in his head for hours after he had gone home from work. He hadn't seen Jenny since she'd told him to leave her office, and he figured that she had preferred it that way. Still, no matter how angry he'd been, he didn't want her to work herself to death. Her car had still been there when he'd left, so he knew that she was probably in MTAC overseeing some kind of op. Picking up his phone, he sighed as he called her, wondering when their lives had become so difficult.

She didn't answer, not that he had truly expected her to, and he dialed her office phone. It too went to her voicemail, and that struck him as odd. It wasn't like Jenny to ignore her calls when she was in her office, regardless of how busy she was. He tried again, and this time, she answered on the fourth ring, her voice slightly breathless.

"Shepard."

"Why are you still working?"

She sighed as she realised who had called and he knew if he could see her, she would be frowning.

"Jethro, unlike _some_ people, I actually do the work my superiors ask me to do."

He smirked and imagined her glaring at him.

"Fair enough."

There was a slight pause and he knew she was trying to figure out why he had called. Her working late was nothing out of the ordinary, so it must have been for a specific purpose.

"Is there anything you needed, or was this call merely to annoy me?"

"Both. Wanted to say that I shouldn't have yelled at you today. Wasn't your fault, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

She was silent for a long moment, and he took a drink from his mason jar. When she finally spoke, her voice was warmer, floating down the line softly.

"Thank you."

"I'll let you go. Don't work too late."

"I won't."

Just as he was about to hang up, a thought occurred to him and he put the phone back to his ear, hoping he hadn't lost her.

"Jen?"

"Yes?"

"Just so you know: I respect the hell out of you."

He hung up and smirked as he took another drink. Knowing Jenny, she would work straight through the night, and since they had the weekend off, he intended to work on his boat until she called again. He picked up a hammer and nails, intent on making valuable progress and made his way to his boat. Perhaps his phone call had been enough to convince her that he really did care.

* * *

Jenny Shepard crept quietly down the stairs, hoping to find one Jethro Gibbs working on his boat and frowned when she didn't see him. She smiled softly when she realised that he was underneath the shell, his even breathing telling her that he was asleep. Not wanting to wake him, she backed towards the steps again and slowly made her way up them.

"Jen?"

Damn. She should have known better than to try to sneak up on a marine. She turned, looking at him curiously, and he frowned.

"What time is it?"

"03:45," she replied, running her hand through her hair.

"Didn't want to stay at your house?"

She shook her head, her eyes worried.

"I can leave. I didn't mean to bother you. I just figured you would be awake, and—"

"Jen. Stay."

Nodding, she walked down the steps again, and shook her head when he offered her a drink. He kissed her as soon as she was near enough, and she smiled as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You okay?"

Jenny was silent for so long that he wasn't sure she'd heard him. He was just opening his mouth to repeat his question when she spoke, her voice muffled by his chest.

"No."

He led her to the couch she had slept on the night of her attack and as they sat, he ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

"If it's what I said today—"

"No, Jethro. I know you were just angry at the situation. I'm just tired. In so many more ways than one. I'm trying to be everything to everyone, and I don't think I can do it anymore. I just...I can't."

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"You're human, Jen. You're not superwoman, no matter what you want people to believe. It's okay to slip up every now and then."

She looked at him, pulling him in for a kiss and as she held onto him, he could feel her shaking. Breaking away, her eyes met his and they were filled with such honesty that he almost couldn't bear to look.

"Jethro...I love you. I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with right now, but please don't leave me. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

He kissed her again, holding her as tightly as he dared.

"Not going anywhere, Jen."

She fought the tears she felt and buried her face in his chest.

"I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I can't lose you."

He frowned at how violently she was shaking and pushed her back enough that he could see her eyes.

"What's wrong, Jen? Where's this coming from?"

She broke his gaze, moving her body as close to his as she possible could.

"I don't like fighting with you," she murmured, "Not like that. It's one thing when we fight to relieve the tension at work, but I don't like serious arguments."

He nodded. Sometimes, their arguments were the best form of foreplay, but when they deliberately tried to hurt each other, it was another matter entirely.

"I can feel the darkness closing in, and I feel like I'm falling. I know that it's weak, but God help me, I need this. I need _you_."

He stood, holding out his hand and she took it, letting him pull her to her feet. Leading her to the stairs, he swept her into his arms, kissing her before walking up. As he carried her up to his bedroom, he could tell she was dying to ask what he had planned, but something in his eyes told her not to speak. He climbed in the bed after placing her on it, and pulled her into his arms.

"Jethro, what are you doing?"**A.**

"Showing you that you're not weak."

He held her against his chest and kissed the top of her head gently.

"I need you too, Jen. And right now, we're going to be together. No sex, no pressure, just you and me."

She smiled and nestled closer, breathing in the comforting scent of sawdust.

"And you don't have to try to be everything to me. There's only one thing I want you to be."

"What's that?"

"All I want you to be is Jenny. No more, no less. You already are everything to me."

For the first time in years, the tears that fell from Jennifer Shepard's green eyes were tears of happiness.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked it. Sorry my updates will be random for awhile.**


	8. Their December

**A/N: Hope you enjoy the latest chapter! Let me know if you do!**

* * *

If anyone had asked her at that particular moment what her name was, Jennifer Shepard wouldn't have been able to answer. She'd been working for fifty-three hours straight and showed no signs of slowing down. When her phone rang, she reached across her desk, sighing as she took a drink from her now-cold coffee.

"Shepard."

"It's after midnight."

She glanced at her watch, frowning.

"Yes."

"You're still working? How long has it been since you've been out of the office?"

Jenny sighed, signing the bottom of the report she'd been reading. Her eyes burned with exhaustion and she blinked hard.

"I'm working, Jethro."

"You're exhausted. Take a break. It'll still be there in a few hours. Go home."

Home sounded wonderful to her, but she couldn't leave until she'd finished her work. Not that she would ever tell him that she was using work to distract herself from the nightmares that had plagued her sleep for weeks.

"I can't, Jethro. I have—"

"Jen?"

He waited, and she knew he wanted her to respond.

"What?"

"Come home."

It was a small distinction, but it was enough. She pulled her glasses from her face and ran a hand tiredly through her hair.

"I'll leave now."

"Be safe."

* * *

As she pulled her car in behind Gibbs' truck, Jenny smiled. She'd been spending more time at his house lately than her own, and she had to admit, it somehow felt _right_. Opening the door, she paused just inside the entrance, her every sense on high alert. She turned around, scanning the area around his front yard, and frowned. She had the feeling she was being watched and when she felt arms wrap around her from behind, she jumped.

"You okay?"

His voice was low in her ear and she nodded.

"Just a little on edge."

He kissed the hollow of her ear and pulled her closer against him. She was tense in his embrace and he frowned, turning her so that she faced him.

"What is it?"

"I felt like someone was watching me."

His eyes immediately hardened and searched the darkness around them. He could see nothing out of the ordinary, but he pushed her behind him nonetheless. As he stepped back into the living room, he did something he hadn't done in years. Jenny gasped as his fingers released the lock and she stared at him with wide eyes.

"You never lock your door."

"Not taking any chances. Not with you."

Nodding silently, she followed him farther into the living room and sat down gingerly on his couch. He joined her seconds later, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She was shaking slightly and he touched her face gently.

"You're safe here, Jen."

She laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. She was so damn tired, but she couldn't sleep. Her nightmares were far more terrifying than dealing with a little physical fatigue. Gibbs looked at her carefully, noting her paler than usual skin, the dark circles under her eyes stark against the white, and sighed.

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"Since you've slept."

She shrugged and he forced her to look at him.

"Three days."

"Jen."

She glared at him, and he shook his head sadly. He knew why she hadn't been sleeping, but he hadn't realised that she had been actively avoiding sleep. Running her fingers through his hair, she smiled as she looked over at him, and he met her gaze steadily.

"Jethro?"

He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Will you do something for me?"

"Sure."

Her eyes never left his, and he frowned as he watched them darken in the dim light.

"Kiss me."

His lips met hers and as her tongue explored his mouth, one of his hands tangled in her hair. The other pulled her closer and when she moved to straddle his waist, she smirked. Her hands touched as much of his body as they could reach and she gasped as his hand trailed down her side. Finally, he pulled away and when she tried to capture his lips again, he dodged her easily.

"Not tonight."

She frowned. What sane man would turn down a night of sex with an extremely willing redhead?

"Come on, Jethro. You're not serious."

"Yep."

Not quite ready to admit defeat, she tried again, lightly brushing her lips across his throat. He pulled away, lifting her from his lap, and she glared.

"I know what you're trying to do. It won't work, Jen."

"What?"

"You're trying to use sex to stay awake. I know you."

She frowned, shaking her head.

"I was just—"

"Go to bed."

Her lips found his throat again and he pushed her back gently, looking in her eyes seriously.

"Jen. Bed. Now."

Sighing, she sat back on the couch dramatically and glared at him. He stood, holding out his hand, and pulled her to her feet. She had thought he was going to join her, but when he made his way to the basement steps, she frowned.

"You're not coming?"

"Nope. You and I both know that you would try to get me to keep you awake, and that's not going to happen."

"Jethro, I—"

"No. Upstairs."

He gave her a gentle push towards the stairs and she sighed, knowing that she had lost this particular battle. Climbing the steps, she gave him one last glare before she closed the bedroom door, and he smirked as he went to tend to his boat. Stubborn though she was, he loved her, and he'd be damned if he was going to let her work herself to death.

* * *

Jenny cursed under her breath as she slammed the door of her office and threw her coat onto the couch. She'd had one of the most frustrating days in her time as Director and as she sat down behind her desk, she sighed. She needed to finish signing off on a few reports and felt her annoyance increase as she realised her favourite pen was nowhere in sight. Rummaging through the drawers of her desk, she finally found an acceptable substitute and she closed the drawer quicker than she had anticipated.

The drawer caught her hand and her eyes immediately closed in pain.

"Son of a _bitch_!"

She held up her injured hand to survey the damage. The skin had broken and a steady stream of blood dripped down onto her desk, staining the wood. Just as she was searching for something to wrap it in, her phone rang and she groaned.

"Yes?"

"Director, you might want to turn on ZNN. There's something you should probably see."

Damn. There was no way in hell that this was a good thing. Thanking he assistant, Jenny hung up and reached to turn on the screen on the wall opposite her. As the clip played back, she frowned as she watched Gibbs snap at the reporter and just as he was about to push past her, the young woman pulled her hand back and slapped him hard enough that he winced visibly. Roughly pushing her aside with his shoulder, his final words to "get the damn camera out of his face" were as clear as the shock on the younger woman's face. Not that Jenny could entirely blame him for his reaction, but he knew better than to rise to the bait of reporters.

Jenny stood, still cradling her hand and stormed out of her office, making her way to the catwalk. They would never take her seriously if she let this slide. No matter how much she had personally agreed with his actions.

* * *

Tony DiNozzo saw her first, walking purposefully down the stairs and frowned.

"This isn't gonna be good."

McGee glanced up, and as he caught sight of Director Shepard's face, his eyes widened in fear.

"Uh-oh. Here we go again."

"Where's Gibbs?"

None of them wanted to speak, too afraid of incurring her wrath, and her eyes flashed.

"Where is he, Tony?" she snapped.

"Coffee run."

The elevator dinged and the man in question stepped off, glancing at the redhead standing in front of his desk.

"Need something?"

The glare she sent him made McGee flinch and Tony tried desperately to pretend that he was working.

"My office. Now."

"Kinda busy."

"_Now_, Agent Gibbs!"

He set his coffee down and followed her to her office, trying his best not to smirk. He should have known that she would see the news, and he had known that she would be angry when she did. The door shut behind her and she immediately rounded on him.

"What the hell were you doing?"

"Jen, she slapped me. Or did you miss that part?"

"No, I didn't, but you still can't go off on reporters like that."

"Jen, all I said was to—"

"_Enough_! I'm ordering you to issue a formal apology."

"You can't do that!"

"I can, and I am," she replied smoothly.

His eyes widened slightly and she frowned. Gibbs took a step toward her, causing her to glare at him, and he sighed.

"That's completely ridiculous."

"Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, we do have to work in tandem with reporters, politicians, and lawyers. It's about time you learned how to play nice!" she yelled.

"Jenny."

She looked at him, his serious tone catching her off-guard, and he moved closer.

"Stop for a minute. What happened to your hand?"

"Don't change the subject," she snapped, "Your actions were out of line, and—"

Her words were silenced by his lips on hers and though she tensed at first, she quickly gave in to his kiss. As he pulled back, she frowned and again he fought the urge to smirk.

"Shut up, Jen. It'll be fine. Promise."

"Jethro, you can't just kiss me and get off scott free. That's not how this works."

He shook his head.

"Nah. I'll fix it. Just needed you to stop yelling. You're sexy when you're mad."

She slapped him lightly with her good hand.

"Shut up, Jethro."

* * *

Shivering as she walked into her house four hours later, Jenny sighed as she slipped off her heels. It had been one of the coldest winters in her memory, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up in front of her fireplace with a drink. She was feeling slightly festive, so rather than her usual bourbon, she opted to make a mug of hot cocoa and added a generous amount of peppermint schnapps and as she lit the fire, she smiled.

Her phone chirped as she curled up in her chair, feet tucked under her, and she sighed as she pulled it from her pocket.

"Shepard."

"Issued your apology."

She smirked, taking a sip of her drink carefully.

"And did it kill you?"

"A bit."

She blew into her mug, not wanting to burn herself, and sighed.

"Is that all?"

"Yeah. Unless you needed something else. Want me to send her flowers?"

"Definitely not."

Running her fingers through her hair, she blinked, trying to force herself to stay awake. Though the Christmas holiday was swiftly approaching, she hadn't even thought about slowing her schedule down to fit the hectic season. As she waited for Gibbs to reply and drained her cup, a sudden noise caused her to bolt upright, looking around frantically.

"I could always—"

"Shh!"

"What?"

"Hush, Jethro. I thought I heard something outside."

She was tense, her every sense trained on her surroundings, not even listening to the voice coming from her phone.

"Jen?"

She stood, setting her empty mug down on her desk, and she made her way to the study door, drawing her weapon. She could hear Gibbs calling her name, but she was too preoccupied to answer. As she made her way into the living room, she thought she saw a shadow pass the front window.

"Jethro, I have to go."

"Jen, wait. Don't—"

Hanging up the phone, she walked to her door, wrenching it open. She fought back a scream as she saw the figure standing on her front porch, and held her gun in front of her. Noemi's eyes widened and she gasped as she registered the weapon pointed at her and she jumped.

"Senora! What is wrong?"

Jenny sighed in relief, lowering the firearm, and placed her head in her hand.

"Nothing. You just startled me."

"I come by to bring you clothes," Noemi replied, holding up Jenny's dry-cleaning bag.

The redhead nodded, taking the offered bag.

"Thank you, Noemi. I'm sorry. You're free to go."

The younger woman nodded.

"Are you okay, Senora?"

Jenny offered her a weak smile, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart in her ears. It wasn't her housekeeper's fault that she jumped at everything now.

"I'm fine. Have a good night."

"You are sure?"

Nodding, Jenny gave her another smile and closed the door. She locked it securely, sliding down the solid oak and closing her eyes tiredly. Jenny wasn't sure how long she stayed on her floor, but when the harsh pounding on the door sounded, she jumped, her eyes flying open. Bolting to her feet, she opened the door, frowning at the man on the other side.

"Jethro? What are you doing here?"

"You hung up on me," he said simply.

"And you just had to rush over and make sure that I was safe."

He shrugged and she smirked knowingly. Truth be told, she was more than a little grateful that he'd shown up. Her hands found his waist and pulled him closer to her, capturing his lips with her own. He could taste the wintry cool of the peppermint on her tongue and when he pulled away, he smiled down at her.

"Hot cocoa, Jen?"

She shrugged.

"Tis the season," she quipped.

He nodded.

"Fair enough."

"You know, I haven't even started decorating, Jethro. Care to help?"

She knew he'd never been much for celebrating the holiday, but she was determined to give him happy memories to recall when the bad threatened his mind. He cocked an eyebrow at her and she pouted slightly.

"Come on, Jethro," she murmured as her lips skimmed his throat, "It won't kill you."

He shivered beneath her touch, but shook his head.

"Later," he promised, kissing her forehead softly, "Right now, I have other plans."

She stared up at him, noting the way his eyes had darkened, and she smirked.

"Hm...have you been a good boy this year?"

"Not one day."

He pulled her closer, yanking her hair back and bringing his lips to hers in a bruising kiss. Her hands gripped his shoulders tightly and she moaned as he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth. Gibbs backed her into the wall and as her body slammed into it, Jenny gasped, her hands never leaving his body. His own hands snaked down her hips, and as they moved past the waistband of her jeans, Jenny's mouth found his again, her tongue dancing over his own. Her body jerked as he touched her, and when his fingers slid inside of her, she moaned into his mouth.

It probably should have bothered her that he was so close to breaking her and they were both still fully clothed, that they were essentially fucking against a wall when there was a perfectly good couch in the living room, but Jenny couldn't bring herself to care. He curled his fingers in a way that made her entire body shake and she cried out as her head fell back against the wall. He was better with his hands than any man she'd ever known and she whispered his name hoarsely as he kissed her throat.

Jenny's pulse was racing, and Gibbs smiled as he drug his teeth along her neck. He could taste her heartbeat in his mouth and he began to thrust his fingers faster. They were wetter now than before and he pulled back to look at her seriously.

"This is because of me?"

"You have no idea."

"Jen—"

"Not now. Don't stop."

He shifted slightly, the new angle allowing him to move deeper, and she jerked in his arms, a harsh cry tearing from her throat.

"Oh, _God_, Jethro..."

Each thrust of his hand hit her perfectly, and she lowered her head to his shoulder, biting down to keep from screaming. She whimpered as his thumb flicked against her and as her hips ground against him, he smirked.

"_Christ_, Jen."

She moaned quietly, bringing her lips to his in a desperate attempt to taste him. She needed more of him, and as her tongue explored his mouth, he twisted his wrist, hitting her _just right_ and she tore her lips away from him, crying out wordlessly. Her breath caught in her throat and he buried his fingers to the knuckles inside of her, her grip on his shoulders almost painfully tight.

As Jenny shattered beneath him, Gibbs moved his fingers faster, letting her ride out her climax, and when she finally collapsed against his chest, he kissed her hair softly.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I know."

* * *

McGee sighed as he watched Abby run the security footage from the night of Director Shepard's rape for the millionth time.

"Abby. I don't think we're going to find anything. We've watched the tape a million times."

The Goth glared at him and he frowned.

"I know, McGee. But I have to try. I owe it to the Director. I can't give up yet. Even if it is making my hair fall out. This is stressing me out, McGee. I need another CAF-POW. By the way, did you know that the average human loses up to 100-125 hairs a day?"

She turned on her heel, making her way to her refrigerator, and McGee ran the tape back again. As he watched, he noticed the man was incredibly close to Director Shepard's face, possibly speaking to her, and he slammed his hand down on the table.

"That's it! Abby, you're a genius!"

"I know. But, why?"

"Hairs. You just said the average person loses up to 100-125 hairs a day. We checked all the evidence for skin. Do we have the Director's clothes from that night?"

Abby nodded.

"Everything except her coat. What are you thinking?"

McGee gestured to the screen in front of them.

"Look how close he is to her. He's probably saying something to her. He might have lost some hair that fell on her clothes. We need her coat. Where is it?"

Abby shook her head.

"I don't know. Probably at her house."

Frowning, McGee shook his head.

"I don't think so. Gibbs was the one who brought her in. Maybe he knows."

"Gibbs isn't here, Timmy."

She had a point. However, there were other options. They simply needed to discuss them as a team first.

* * *

"All I'm saying is, we go ask Gibbs if he knows what happened to the Director's coat that night."

Tony frowned.

"If he wanted to be reached, he would answer his phone, McGeek. He doesn't want to be bothered, and I think we should respect that."

"Tony, this could be the break we need."

Ziva glanced up from her book, looking back and forth between the two agents.

"I agree with McGee. We should go ask Gibbs."

Sighing, Tony ran a hand through his hair.

"Look. If we go ask Gibbs, he's likely going to head slap us into the next century for not following orders. And if he doesn't, the Director will."

Ziva looked at him, meeting his eyes seriously, and he groaned. He'd known he couldn't fight both of them, but he had expected the Israeli to be on his side.

"Fine. Come on."

* * *

As she drained the last of the bourbon from the mason jar, Jenny fought the shudder that passed through her body. She stumbled up the steps of his basement, intent on getting a glass of water to hopefully stave off any hangover she might have in the morning and just as she passed through the living room, a noise outside made her pause.

Shaking her head, she made her way into his kitchen, mentally kicking herself. She'd been hearing things quite frequently lately that shouldn't have bothered her in the slightest, but nothing seemed to calm her irrational fears. The slight creak of the front door opening made her tense up, but as soon as she heard the voice of Tony DiNozzo, she sighed, relaxing.

"Boss? You home?"

Not one to let an opportunity pass by, Jenny crept silently to the doorway, waiting for her chance. DiNozzo, McGee and Ziva all moved past her and she stepped out behind them, her voice low and calm.

"Get lost on your way home?"

They all whipped around, Tony's eyes wide, and Jenny smirked.

"Director Shepard! W-we, uh, we were looking for Gibbs."

"I gathered as much, Agent DiNozzo."

As Tony's eyes moved over her body, Jenny was suddenly aware of how she must look. Wearing one of Gibbs' old NIS shirts, casual jeans, and completely barefoot, she could only imagine what he was thinking. As it stood, she was far too inebriated to really care.

"Is he here?"

Jenny nodded, jerking her head in the direction of the basement. She didn't speak, not trusting her words to come out steadily, and beckoned them to follow her. McGee seemed to pick up on the fact that she'd been drinking, but wisely said nothing as they made their way to the basement.

"What took you so long, Jen?"

"I was ambushed."

Gibbs turned, frowning when he saw the three agents behind her and nodded once. She made her way over to his work table, picking up the mason jar she had set down earlier and filling it once more with bourbon. Tony watched her, fascinated by how at _home_ she looked in his domain, at how confidently she moved around the boat, as if she _belonged_ there, and for the first time he noticed the way Gibbs was looking at her.

There was a possessiveness in his eyes as he watched the redhead sit down on his old couch, crossing her legs gracefully, and as she took a slow drink of her bourbon, a silent communication seemed to pass between them. Tony and Ziva exchanged a knowing glance and McGee cleared his throat softly.

"Boss, we were, um...wondering...and actually since Director Shepard's here, we can just ask her..."

"Spit it out, McGee," Gibbs barked.

"Do you still have the coat you were wearing the night of your..." McGee paused, looking at Jenny apologetically.

She was silent for a long moment before she nodded, standing slowly. Her vision swam and she swayed slightly on her feet, blinking hard. Gibbs steadied her with a hand on her shoulder and when she nodded, he released her, watching carefully as she made her way to the steps. Her coat had been stored in his closet ever since her attack, Jenny having been unable to stomach the thought of wearing it again and when she was out of earshot, Tony turned to his boss.

"How is she, boss?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Hard to say."

* * *

Jenny stared at the coat hanging in the hall closet, willing herself to pull it from the wire hanger, and she closed her eyes with a sigh.

_Come on, Shepard_, she thought angrily, _It's just a damn coat._

Reaching out, she was embarrassed to discover her hands were shaking, and she pulled it loose, holding it out in front of her as if it would burn her. She walked back down to the basement, and when she handed the coat to McGee, she could feel cool steel eyes watching her from across the room. Crossing to the couch where she had left her drink, she smiled gratefully when he filled her makeshift glass again.

"Thanks," she said softly.

McGee took the coat, turning it over in his hands, and took a step back to the stairs.

"Thank you, Director. I'll get this to Abby right away."

As Gibbs watched her protectively, Jenny nodded, dismissing the agents. Wisely, no one commented on the Director taking charge even in Gibbs' basement and when they were alone once again, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her temple. She sighed as she finished her drink, trying to ignore the violent shaking in her hands.

* * *

As soon as she opened her front door, Jenny gasped. Bright multi-coloured lights glittered throughout her house, and when she entered the living room, she smiled at the sight of the large Christmas tree. The garland had been carefully strung, ornaments perfectly placed, and as she pulled out her phone, she had to wipe away the lone tear that had escaped her bright green eyes.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Thank you. It's beautiful."

"Not done yet."

He hung up and when she felt his arms wrap around her waist from behind, she smiled. Turning in his arms, she placed a light kiss to his lips, running her hands over his shoulders. He released her and turned to a box sitting on the floor that she hadn't even noticed in her elation over the tree. Pulling out a small ornament, he held it out to her, watching as her eyes flickered in recognition.

"Jethro, is that—"

"Yep."

She reached for the ornament, holding it delicately in her hand, and examined it closely. Every detail was exactly as she remembered it, though she hadn't seen the decoration in over six years. He had gotten it for her in Positano after seeing how disappointed she'd been over their less-than-stellar Christmas decorations. He'd had it engraved with two intertwining J's along with the year, in delicate silver writing. She hadn't known that he'd kept it all these years, but seeing it before her now brought up waves of emotions that she didn't know how to handle.

"I saved this one for last. Thought we could hang it together."

He took her hand gently in his and they placed it in the center of the tree, brilliantly lit with the glow of lights. She pulled him in for a kiss, and when she looked into his eyes, she saw a wide range of emotions pass through them. They were reflected in her own eyes, and she threaded her fingers through his hair.

"It's perfect, Jethro. Thank you."

"Anything for you, Jen."

She smiled, reaching up to touch his face gently.

"You've had it all these years."

"Always knew you'd come back."

Raising a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, she laughed at his almost-arrogant smirk and he ran his hand over her cheek.

"It's beautiful."

"So are you, Jenny."

A slight blush crept into her skin at his words and he brought his lips down to hers, brushing them lightly.

"Will you stay tonight?"

"Try and stop me."

She pulled away from his embrace, walking towards the kitchen and he frowned. When she poured peppermint schnapps into a glass and tipped it back, he smirked, wondering what kind of signal she was trying to send him.

"My relaxation time was interrupted the other night," she explained, "and after all, it's almost Christmas."

Another long drink followed and he could smell the minty sweet liquid even from where he stood across the room. She approached him slowly, a smile spreading over her face as she noticed the one decoration she had placed herself, and he frowned.

"Jenny?"

"Close your eyes."

His frown only intensified.

"Why?"

"Just trust me, Jethro."

He sighed, but closed his eyes as requested. She ran her hands up his body, her cool breath drifting over his lips as she moved closer, her mouth finding his in a slow, deliberate kiss. Her peppermint-flavoured tongue danced over his own, and when she pulled back, she raised her eyes to a spot above his head.

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly," she sang softly, her voice low and sultry.

He frowned and when she pointed upward, he tilted his head. Mistletoe hung just above where he stood and he smirked as her lips ghosted over his throat.

"Tis the season to be jolly," she whispered.

She kissed him again and he let his senses be flooded by her. The wintry taste of her mouth, the sweet scent of her perfume, and the soft silk of her hair all drove him past the point of rational thought, and he smiled against her lips.

"Jen?"

"Yes?"

"Let's go to bed."

The low pitch of her voice as she laughed made him want her all the more, and as he led her to the stairs, he found himself wondering how he had ever managed his life without her. He only hoped that he could give her the protection and safety that she deserved. He'd be damned if he was ever going to let someone hurt her again.

* * *

**A/N: Not sure when I'll be able to update again, but I promise to do my best.**


	9. Bulletproof Heart

**A/N: Here is the chapter you've been waiting for, Esquinzo. I hope you enjoy, but it's not over yet!**

* * *

Jenny smiled as she reached for the coffee being handed to her by the barista and handed over her money.

"Have a nice day, ma'am."

She frowned as her change was handed to her. Something was familiar about his voice , but she couldn't quite place it. It wasn't until she glanced down that her eyes widened slightly. The tattoo was exactly how she'd remembered it, and she froze.

"Is everything okay, ma'am?"

Blinking furiously, Jenny forced a smile onto her face.

"Of course, I was just admiring your tattoo."

He flashed her a smile.

"Thanks. Had it since I was nineteen."

She nodded and walked away, pulling out her phone as she made her way to the door. She fought to keep her panic down and as she waited for an answer, she held her drink tightly.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, I found him."

"Found who?"

"Jethro," she pleaded, "get down here. Hurry."

She told him her location and pulled open the door to her car, sliding into the seat. Her hands were shaking terribly and her breath was shallow. Less than ten minutes later, there was a knock on her window and she jumped, swearing lightly.

"Jen? Open the door."

She did as he asked, and he looked down at her seriously.

"Where?"

Her shaking hand gestured to the coffee shop and he took a step forward. She grabbed his arm quickly, her voice low and urgent.

"Jethro, wait. He didn't recognise me. Don't make a scene. He's the barista."

Glancing at her, he nodded once and started moving again. It was going to take all the self-control he possessed not to strangle the man where he stood.

* * *

"Excuse me."

Gibbs kept his voice polite and when the younger man turned around, he gave him a smile.

"What can I get you, sir?"

Noting the tattoo on his wrist, Gibbs schooled his face into a neutral expression. He flashed his badge and took out Jenny's Naval ID picture.

"Do you recognise this woman?"

The man frowned, looking at the picture briefly.

"Yeah. Comes in nearly every day. Just came in about twenty minutes ago. What's she done?"

Gibbs shook his head, looking at him seriously.

"Nothing. Mind coming with me to answer a few questions?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Then you don't have anything to worry about. Let's go."

His protests fell on deaf ears as Gibbs grabbed his arm and pulled him to the door. Jenny could see them from where she sat in her car, but made no move to confront them. Instead, she put her car in gear and made her way carefully to the Navy Yard, her heart racing as she got closer to her destination.

* * *

"DiNozzo, stick with the Director. Going to interrogation."

Tony frowned as Gibbs passed him, and when Jenny emerged from the elevator a minute later, he approached her carefully.

"Director Shepard. What's going on?"

"We found him."

He nodded, and she sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"I'm going to watch the interrogation."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Director?"

She glared at him and he quickly backtracked.

"I mean...at least let one of us come with you."

She knew, somehow, that Gibbs was behind his insistence, and nodded.

"Very well. Come on, Tony."

As he followed Jenny into the observation room, Tony frowned. Her steps were confident, but if he looked closely, he could have sworn he saw a slight tremor to her body. Gibbs was already sitting behind the table, silently staring at the man. Jenny could tell he was barely containing his rage, and she was secretly very proud of the restraint he was displaying.

"I told you I didn't do anything."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Is this about the woman in that picture? I don't know her. She comes in for coffee and leaves. That's it!"

"Really?"

He looked at the tattoo pointedly and frowned.

"Nice tattoo. Matches this one pretty closely, don't you think?"

Gibbs pulled out the sketch Jenny had drawn and slid it across the table. Glancing at it, the man shrugged.

"Yeah, so?"

"This is a sketch done by the woman you raped two months ago in the parking lot."

"What are you talking about? I didn't rape anyone! That's crazy!"

"Then you won't mind giving us a DNA sample."

The man glared at Gibbs, his eyes flashing.

"I have rights!"

Gibbs pulled the folder sitting in front of him open, slamming photos down in front of the younger man, and glared. He hadn't looked at the pictures since they'd been taken, but he forced himself to look now.

"Do you see this? This woman had rights! Rights you violated by forcing her to the ground. See these bruises? You did this! You took away her rights when you tried to strangle her."

Jenny closed her eyes and turned away, not sure how much more she could take. Tony looked at her, concerned, and when he spoke, his concern coloured his voice.

"You okay?"

She didn't answer and he frowned. Though he wasn't sure how she would react, he reached out, touching her shoulder gently.

"Jenny?"

"I'm fine, Tony."

She looked anything but fine, yet Tony decided not to comment on it. She turned back to the window and watched as Gibbs slammed his hand down on the table, causing the man to jump.

"Are you going to willingly cooperate or do I have to take it by force, the way you attacked this woman?"

There was no answer, and Gibbs turned, beckoning to the agent he knew was watching them. Tony took a step forward, but Jenny's hand stopped him.

"I'll do it."

"Uh, Director, I don't think you—"

"Stay, DiNozzo. That's an order."

Nodding, Tony sighed as Jenny walked past him, and just knew, with a sinking feeling, that Gibbs was going to kill him.

* * *

If he was surprised when Jenny opened the interrogation room door, Gibbs didn't show it. Jenny held out a mouth swabbing kit and when he reached for it, he met her eyes briefly. He could see the fear in her eyes as she stood in the room with the man who had brutally raped her, but she hid it well.

"Hey, you're-"

"Shut up and open your mouth."

Glaring at the former marine, the man opened his mouth and fixed them both with a look that made Jenny's skin crawl. The last time she'd seen that look in those eyes, she'd been pinned under them.

"Satisfied?"

Walking out of the room, Jenny threw Gibbs a look over her shoulder and she shut the door softly behind her. Gibbs silently stood up, preparing to take the sample to Abby, and the voice behind him made him stop cold.

"She's prettier in the daylight."

Gibbs couldn't help it. He pulled his arm back, not even flinching as his closed fist connected with the man's jaw, and as the chair toppled over, he closed the door with a force that caused DiNozzo to jump on the other side of the wall.

* * *

"Boss?"

"Not now. Get this to Abby."

"On it, boss."

"Where's the Director?"

"In her office."

Nodding, Gibbs stepped onto the elevator and as Tony walked to Abby's lab, he couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face. The Goth smiled at his sudden appearance and as she took the sample from him, she looked back at him curiously.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Gibbs just punched the hell out of our suspect."

She turned, shock clearly written all over her face.

"Why?"

"He made some comment about the Director being prettier in the daylight and Gibbs snapped. Never seen him like that before."

Abby frowned.

"How is she?"

"Jenny? Pretty shaken up. She hid it pretty well when she got the sample, but I could see it."

"This is so awful. I can't even imagine what she's going through. But, we have the DNA sample, plus we found tiny hair follicles on her coat that didn't match the Director's, so we're going to get him. I know we will."

Tony looked at her, giving her a smile, and she frowned.

"We have to, Tony."

* * *

Jenny was nowhere in sight when Gibbs opened her office door, and he frowned. Cynthia had said she was in, but there was no trace of her. Just as he was about to turn and leave, a low retching sound filled the room, and he made his way slowly to the bathroom just off the side of her office. Pushing open the door slowly, Gibbs felt his eyes narrow as he took in the sight of his favourite redhead being violently sick into her toilet. Approaching her cautiously so as not to scare her, her reached out to gather her hair behind her, and when she met his eyes, he could see the tears in her own. As she straightened, he noticed that she was shaking, and he reached for her. She shrugged him off, and rinsed her mouth, refusing to look at him again.

She brushed past him and sank down weakly on her couch, not fighting him when he joined her, and her head fell onto his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, and kissed the side of her head gently.

"You okay?"

Silently, she shook her head and he took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb lightly over it.

"We're gonna get him, Jen. We have pictures, his DNA, video of the crime. It's done."

"Seeing him again...the look in his eyes...I know he can't hurt me, but...all I want to know is why."

He frowned, kissing her again.

"Why isn't important right now. What is important is that you're safe, and he's never going to hurt you again."

Jenny nodded, not entirely believing him, but she decided it would be best to say nothing.

"Is he still in interrogation?"

Gibbs hugged her before nodding and stood, pulling her with him. He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply and kissed the top of her head.

"You're safe here, Jenny."

It wasn't until Gibbs had been gone for fifteen minutes that Jenny finally made her decision. She wanted answers, and she wasn't leaving until she had them.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Jenny pushed open the door to the interrogation room, giving herself credit for not flinching when he looked up.

"How long do I have to sit here?"

There was dried blood on his lip, and Jenny frowned. That hadn't been there when she'd left earlier.

"As long as this takes. I have questions."

He glared at her and she crossed her arms, leaning against the door.

"I don't even know your name," she commented lightly.

"Shawn Harrison. Anything else? My weight? My hopes and dreams? Shoe size?"

"Why?"

He frowned, and Jenny glared at him.

"Why?" he repeated.

"You raped me. You destroyed any sense of security I had. You've taken away parts of me that I will never get back. I want to know why. Did I stutter?"

He smirked and Jenny clenched her teeth, fighting the very strong urge she had to punch him.

"I like the power. I knew who you were, knew where you worked. All your fancy security detail couldn't stop me, and you were powerless under me. You couldn't get away, no matter how much you fought, and that's better than anything."

She frowned at his words, considering them carefully.

"Are you saying there were others?"

Laughing, he leaned back slightly in his chair.

"You're not the first uptight bitch to try to stop me."

Before she could comprehend what had happened, he had stood from the chair, his hand closing around her throat. He shoved her against the door, lifting her slightly off the ground, and as she closed her eyes, he leaned closer.

"You really think that you can deny it? You liked it. You enjoyed the way it felt. You might have everyone else fooled, but not me."

She kept struggling, and swung her foot desperately. It connected with his shin and he hissed in pain, releasing his hold on her. She blindly felt for the door handle and as she bolted for the hall, she drew in sharp painful breaths. Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and it was a few moments before she realised she wasn't alone.

"Jenny?"

She slowly opened her eyes, looking at the younger man and he frowned. She didn't correct his use of her name, and even that was enough to cause concern.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded and as he looked at her, Tony noticed that her throat was slightly reddened.

"Did he touch you? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, Tony. Just...don't tell Gibbs. I don't want him causing more trouble."

"Well, he already decked the guy."

Jenny frowned, her hand unconsciously going to her throat.

"He did?"

"Yeah."

She smirked, still lightly massaging her throat and Tony offered her a smile.

"What Gibbs doesn't know..." she began softly.

"Can't hurt us," he finished.

* * *

Gibbs could feel her eyes on him as he worked, but chose to pretend otherwise. She'd been quickly depleting his supply of bourbon, so he knew it was only a matter of time before she told him what was on her mind.

"I asked him why."

There it was. He turned to look at her, his brow furrowing, and carefully put down his sander.

"When?"

"After you left my office. He—he told me that he liked the power. Said I wasn't the first to try stopping him."

She took another long drink and she held his gaze steadily, waiting for him to speak.

"He...Gibbs, he tried to tell me that I liked it. That I wanted it."

Gibbs took a step closer to her, his eyes flashing angrily.

"He _said_ that to you?"

She nodded.

"Right before he pinned me up against the wall. I couldn't breathe, his hand was so tight, but—"

"He _touched _you?"

Flinching at his angry tone, she nodded, indicating her throat. For the first time, he noticed the slightly bruised skin and his fury grew. She took a step back, her eyes wide, and he closed his eyes. He needed to get his emotions under control before he spoke next.

"I'm sorry, Jethro," she whispered.

Gibbs frowned, looking at her confusedly.

"Why?"

"You're angry."

His head shook and he approached her slowly.

"Not at you. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm angry at him. I want to kill him. But, that wouldn't really help matters."

He was directly in front of her now, and he reached out to touch her face gently. She flinched at his touch and he frowned.

"Jen...you know I would never hurt you, right?"

She nodded, tears slipping from her eyes, and he ran his thumb under them, wiping away the tears.

"Jethro..."

Her voice was low and pained, and he frowned.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

She bolted from where she stood, grabbing the closest empty bucket she could find, and he watched her sadly. He wished he could have said that she was only sick from the bourbon, but after seeing her this way at her office, he knew better. Her nerves were completely shot, she'd been subsiding on little to no sleep, and she'd just confronted the man who had very nearly destroyed her life.

Finally, Jenny collapsed on the floor of his basement, and when he was sure she was through vomiting, he made his way to her. She was sobbing violently, borderline hysterical, and he pulled her into his arms, running his hand lightly over her hair.

"Shh...it's okay. I got you. You're safe now. Shh."

Her sobs broke his heart and as she shook in his embrace, he tightened his hold on her.

"Shh...I love you, Jen. Don't ever forget that."

She coughed and he immediately reached for the bucket. She emptied the sparse contents of her stomach, and he brushed her slightly damp hair back from her face, refusing to let go of her. She fell back against his chest, tears falling down her face and as he tried to calm her, he could tell she was having trouble breathing.

"Jen?"

"I h-hate this. I'm not supposed t-to break down like this. I'm the goddamned Director of a federal agency! I should be s-stronger than this."

She leaned forward, catching herself on her hands and her hair fell around her face, shielding it from his view. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs and she slammed her fist down on the hard concrete floor, ignoring the pain that shot through her.

"What is _wrong_ with me, Jethro? W-why can't I let this go?"

He touched her shoulder and she jerked away, sniffling slightly.

"Don't. P-please."

"Jenny, stop. Let me help you."

"No! I have to do this alone. I can't b-be this fucking weak. I c-can't...I can't do this anymore."

He took her hand in his, turning it over gently, and wiping away the blood with the end of his shirt. Her hands were shaking terribly and he looked at her seriously.

"When did you last eat?"

"I don't remember," she murmured.

He nodded, and gathered her into his arms, holding her as tightly as he dared. He didn't want to scare her, but he didn't want her to feel alone, either. She sobbed against his chest, and he stroked her hair in what he hoped was a soothing motion.

"Don't cry, Jen. There's nothing wrong with you. It's perfectly natural to feel this way after a traumatic event."

She didn't answer, and he kissed her hair gently.

"Would you like me to call Ducky? Would talking to him help?"

She nodded, but as he reached for his phone, her low voice made him pause.

"Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

"You've helped me so much. Thank you. For everything."

He nodded, and she reached up to touch his cheek softly.

"I mean it. I love you. More than anything in the world."

He placed a light kiss to her lips and smiled.

"I love you too, Jennifer."

She frowned, a confused laugh escaping her, and he smirked.

"You never call me Jennifer."

"Made you laugh, didn't it?"

She smirked back at him and he picked up his phone.

"I love you so much," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear.

As the quiet Scottish voice of the doctor filled his ear, Gibbs shifted, holding Jenny more securely in his free arm.

"Jethro, how are you?"

"Fine. You busy, Duck?"

"Not at all. Just finished bathing Mother's corgis, but I was just settling down to a cup of tea. Did you need something?"

"Was wondering if you could swing by. Jenny wants to talk to you."

"Is Jennifer alright?"

Gibbs frowned, sure that Jenny could hear both sides of the conversation, but she was too preoccupied with reaching for the bourbon she had abandoned earlier. As he watched her swallow the drink swiftly, he ran his hand through his hair.

"Not really. You might want to bring something with you."

"A sedative? She's really that bad?"

"Worse."

"I'm on my way, Jethro."

Gibbs hung up and as Jenny pulled herself up from the floor, he watched her, prepared to catch her if she fell. Her steps were shaky and she made her way slowly to the work table, gripping the bottle of bourbon in her unsteady hand. He stood, brushing off the sawdust and slowly grabbed her wrist, preventing her from taking another drink.

"Enough, Jen. Slow down. You'll regret it in the morning."

She glared at him, but nodded nonetheless. Her eyes lingered on his lips and before he could comprehend what was happening, she had captured his mouth with her own. He kissed her back for a moment before pulling away gently, and when he met her eyes, she smiled.

"Tony told me that you hit him."

Gibbs shrugged, kissing her again. She laughed as he moved away from her, and when his fingers lightly brushed over her bruised throat, he frowned.

"After this, I should do more than that."

"You can't kill him, Jethro. That's an order."

He gave her a mock salute, and when she smiled, he gave her one in return.

"Yes, ma'am."

Soft footsteps above their head alerted them to Ducky's arrival, and Gibbs smiled, kissing her once while he still had time.

"Talk to him. Tell him everything, Jen."

She nodded and ran her hand through his hair. She let her fingers linger slightly longer than necessary and when Ducky came down the steps, she used the distraction he provided to down more of the bourbon Gibbs had stopped her from drinking.

"Hello, Jethro. Jennifer."

She smiled at the doctor, making her way haphazardly over to him. She hugged him gently, and he frowned at Gibbs. He could smell the bourbon on her, and Gibbs shrugged, holding up his hands in surrender.

"I tried, Duck. You know Jenny."

Ducky snorted.

"I doubt you tried very hard," he remarked dryly.

"Very funny."

The doctor took Jenny's arm, leading her toward the steps.

"Shall we, my dear? Let's leave Jethro to his boat while we have a chat."

She nodded, giving Gibbs one last look as she allowed the Scotsman to help her to the upper floor. Once they had reached the kitchen, Ducky began brewing a pot of coffee, knowing that the future Jenny would thank him for it later. As it brewed, Jenny sat down at the table, closing her eyes. Ducky took the seat next to her, and waited, knowing she would speak when she was ready.

"We found him, Ducky."

He nodded, and she took a shaky breath. As he observed her, he noticed the bruising on her throat and frowned.

"Jennifer, what happened to your neck?"

She glanced at him, not really wanting to meet his gaze, and sighed.

"I confronted him. Asked him why he did it. He pinned me to the wall, told me that I liked it."

Ducky reached for her hand across the table and patted it gently.

"You know that isn't true, don't you?"

She nodded.

"Of course, But, Ducky...I'm so tired of being scared. Of feeling like I don't have any control."

The coffee had finished brewing and he stood to pour her a cup, sliding it in front of her.

"I get so scared that it makes me sick. Seeing him again, being in the same room with him, it made me so sick that I couldn't breathe. I pushed Jethro away, told him that I needed to handle this on my own. And I do."

"Why?"

The question caught her off guard, and she was silent for a moment. She sipped her coffee slowly, inhaling the rich scent that never failed to remind her of Gibbs and she frowned.

"Because...I need to prove that I can. I need to know that I can still handle things alone. I've always been able to look after myself, and I need to be able to do that again."

"Jennifer," Ducky's voice was sad, "there is nothing wrong with asking for help. We all need help from time to time, and in a situation like this, needing help is completely understandable."

"But I don't _want_ to need it!" she exclaimed, slamming her cup down, "I hate feeling weak, and this makes me feel like I'm just a scared little girl who can't take care of herself."

"But you aren't," he reminded her gently, "You're still perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but there are people here to help when you need it."

Jenny furiously wiped away her tears, not wanting to admit that he was right. Ducky knew that if she had been completely sober, she would have shut him out, and for once, he was thankful for the alcohol she had consumed.

"I feel like such a burden, Ducky," she whispered, "I don't want anyone to worry about me. Not you, not the team, _especially _not Jethro. I can't let them be burdened by my pathetic problems."

Ducky stood, giving her a reassuring hug, and kissed her cheek softly.

"Jennifer...whether you confide in them or not, they will still worry. And you're not pathetic."

As Ducky poured her another cup of coffee, Jenny closed her eyes, running her fingers through her hair. If either of them had stepped out of the kitchen, or even glanced over, they would have seen Gibbs standing silently at the entrance, a few stray tears falling as he listened to every word Jenny had said. He turned to walk back down to his basement, silently making a promise to both himself and the woman he loved that she would never feel weak or pathetic again. He didn't care if it took the rest of their lives, he was going to keep her safe, no matter what happened.

* * *

**A/N: I'm only able to write on my days off, of which I only have one every 15 days, so I hope you will forgive my sporadic updates.**


	10. Peppermint Schnapps and Paperclip Trees

**A/N: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Solstice, etc. Hope you enjoy! A little Jibbs Christmas party ensues, and Gibbs gives Jenny a priceless gift.**

* * *

Director Jenny Shepard sighed as she ran her hand through her long red hair. Though she knew she had to have this meeting with her superior, she would have really rather been doing almost anything else. Her agent and lover Jethro Gibbs watched her out of the corner of his eye, her nervousness almost palpable.

"Calm down, Jenny. It'll be fine."

She glanced at him, shaking her head as she paced back and forth in her office. Waiting for Cynthia to announce that they were ready was making her a complete wreck. If her assistant didn't page her soon, Jenny just knew that she was going to scream.

"Excuse me, Director. SecNav is ready for you in MTAC."

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Jenny pressed a shaking finger to the intercom.

"Thank you, Cynthia."

As she passed him, Gibbs stopped her with gentle hands on her shoulders, and looked into her eyes seriously.

"You're going to do fine, Jen."

She nodded, though she wasn't quite sure she believed him. He kissed her cheek lightly and as she left the room, he only hoped he was right.

* * *

"Good afternoon, Jennifer."

"Good afternoon, sir."

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this meeting? Getting a flight out on such short notice isn't easy, even for me."

Jenny quickly apologised, hating herself for inconveniencing him, but he waved away her words with a smile.

"It must be important."

She nodded at the man standing in front of her and tried to look at anything else in the room. He noticed her unease and frowned.

"What's happened?"

His voice was more gentle than she'd ever heard it, and it was enough to make her bring her eyes to his. She sat down, gesturing for him to do the same and sighed.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Jenny drew in a sharp breath, choking herself in her surprise, and as she struggled to control her breathing, she also fought the urge to laugh.

"Sorry, sir. I wasn't expecting that. No, I'm not pregnant. Honestly, I think that would be preferable."

She ran her hand through her hair, sighing again, and he noticed that her hand was shaking.

"Sir, about two months ago, a very serious crime was committed on the premises. We've only recently apprehended the man responsible, which is the cause for the delay in telling you, but now we are prepared to go forward with pressing charges."

"What crime?"

"Rape," Jenny answered, her voice low.

His eyes widened and she was already dreading his next question, foolishly hoping he wouldn't ask.

"Who was the victim?"

Damn. No such luck. She blinked, hard, and took a deep breath.

"Me."

"Why didn't you report it sooner?"

"_That_'_s_ your concern? That I didn't say something earlier?"

The words flew from her mouth before she could stop them and she froze as she realised what she had said.

"I'm sorry, sir, I—"

"That wasn't what I meant, Jennifer. I simply meant that it must have been difficult for you to deal with. Who else is aware of this?"

"Doctor Mallard performed the rape kit and all additional follow-ups, Abby Sciuto handled all the forensic evidence, and the MCRT handled the investigation."

He nodded. He'd heard the rumours of her relationship with Agent Gibbs, but had never paid any attention to them. She'd always conducted herself in a professional manner, and he liked her very much.

"You have the man responsible?"

She nodded.

"Are you prepared for how this will go down, Jennifer? It's going to be a PR nightmare and a media frenzy. They're going to tear apart every aspect of your life, professional and personal. It won't be easy."

"I am, sir. I understand the risk of the situation."

He smiled, holding out his hand. She took it cautiously, and he held it gently for a moment.

"You have our support, Jennifer. Keep me updated."

Jenny visibly relaxed and offered him a smile.

"Thank you, sir."

As she slowly walked back to the safety of her office, Jenny breathed a sigh of relief. All things considered, it hadn't gone as terribly as she'd expected.

* * *

Tony DiNozzo was so focused on making a Christmas tree out of paperclips that he didn't notice the person standing behind him until it was too late.

"Pretty impressive, DiNozzo."

The quiet voice caused him to jump, and his creation collapsed on his desk. He frowned, and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw the figure behind him.

"Director Shepard! I was—um... this isn't what it looks like."

"It looks like you were making a Christmas tree out of office supplies," she remarked dryly.

He frowned.

"Um...okay, it's _exactly_ what it looks like."

She laughed and though he hated to admit it, her laughter made him uneasy. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she was up to something.

"Where's Gibbs?"

"Abby's lab. Shouldn't be long."

Jenny nodded and as she began walking away, she called to the Senior Field Agent over her shoulder.

"Go home, DiNozzo. It's Christmas Eve."

"Seriously?"

She gave him a pointed look and he nodded, bolting from his chair so fast that she was surprised that it wasn't spinning. Pressing the button to call the elevator, she sighed as she glanced around the squad room. Agent McGee and Officer David were nowhere to be seen, and she suspected that Gibbs might have already given them the night off. The silver doors opened and she stepped into the lift, nearly colliding with the very man she'd been searching for. He smirked as she quickly stepped aside and as the doors closed again, she offered him a smile.

"Agent Gibbs."

"Director Shepard."

"Heading home?"

She shook her head.

"Looking for you, actually."

"How did it go?"

She was silent for a moment and he worried that it had gone badly.

"Better than I expected. But, Jethro...this is going to be a nightmare."

He nodded, placing his arm around her shoulders, and when she leaned into his embrace, he kissed her hair softly.

"I'll be right here. No matter what."

She smiled at his words and as the elevator stopped on the floor to her office, he led her out onto the catwalk. Glancing over, he frowned at the paperclips that littered Tony's desk and when Jenny followed his gaze, she laughed.

"DiNozzo was making a Christmas tree out of them," she explained.

He rolled his eyes and glanced over at her as she walked to her office door.

"Where is he?"

"I told him to go home. It's Christmas Eve, Jethro. Just because _you_ don't like the holidays doesn't mean that everyone else should be miserable."

He noticed as she passed him that Cynthia was absent as well, and he could only assume that she had given the younger woman permission to leave. He smiled at her generosity and as she pulled on her coat, he held out his hand. She took it, and as he spun her into his arms, he committed to memory the sight of her brilliant smile as she laughed.

"Let's go."

She arched a perfect eyebrow at him in question.

"Your place or mine?"

"Yours. After all, you're the one with all the decorations."

"Decorations that _you_ put up," she reminded him.

"To shut you up," he quipped.

She didn't answer, instead brushing past him in the most seductive way possible, and as he followed her, he noticed that they were no longer alone in the squad room.

"Abby. You're still here?"

The Goth nodded and she gave them both a smile.

"Just wanted to tell you. The results came back and the DNA we pulled from the Director's coat was a match to Shawn Harrison's. He's definitely our guy."

"Good job, Abs."

"Abby, you've done more than enough tonight," Jenny said gently, "Go home and enjoy yourself."

"What about you? Are you spending the holiday alone, Gibbs? You really should come to my party."

He shook his head.

"No, thanks. I'll be fine, Abby."

Giving her a hug, he kissed her cheek lightly and Jenny was surprised when the younger girl wrapped her in a hug as well.

"Make sure he goes home. We have a surprise planned," Abby whispered in her ear.

Jenny nodded once and smiled, catching her eye. They all rode the elevator down and Jenny frowned as she tried to think of a way to get Gibbs to change his mind about going to her house for the night. Easier said than done.

* * *

"Jethro, wait. Don't you need clothes for in the morning?"

"Hadn't planned on wearing any, Jen."

She blushed lightly at his implication, and while she certainly wasn't opposed to spending the entirety of Christmas with a naked Gibbs in her bed, she inwardly cursed his thought.

"I've changed my mind. I don't want to spend the night in my house," she tried again, "I want to spend it with you, watching you work on your boat. Besides, you have bourbon."

"So do you," he pointed out.

She shook her head.

"Ran out. Haven't had time to replace it," she lied.

Luckily, he was so focused on his driving that he didn't see her right eye twitch. Glancing over at her briefly, he nodded and as he drove them in the correct direction, she allowed herself a small smile. Point one for Jenny.

As soon as they had made it to his front porch, Gibbs backed Jenny into the door, pinning her there with his body. He kissed her gently at first, his lips a bare whisper on hers, and when he could tell that she was getting frustrated, he pulled away completely. She tried to pull him closer, but he kept his distance, letting his lips trail over her throat as lightly as he could and she threw her head back with a dramatic sigh.

"Damn it, Jethro, are you going to actually kiss me or not?"

"Maybe."

Fine. Point one for Gibbs. He kept up his maddening assault and every time she tried to gain the upper hand, he pulled away from her while still keeping her pinned between the door. His tongue lightly traced patterns on her throat and she moaned, half in pleasure, half frustration.

"Jethro...please. Kiss me."

He pulled back, smirking at her and she glared at him. The smug bastard had _wanted_ her to beg. Thoroughly annoyed now, she reached behind her as he began ghosting his lips over her skin again. Finally, her fingers found the door handle and she turned it, not even caring as her body was sent flying backward onto the hard wood of his living room floor. He landed on top of her roughly, and he glared down at her.

"What the hell, Jen?!"

"Payback's a bitch, Jethro."

He smirked down at her and when he brought his lips to hers in a bruising kiss, her hands automatically found his waist, pulling him closer. A low moan fell from her lips and as the cold air caused her to shiver, Jenny suddenly broke away from him, her hands on his chest.

"Jethro, your front door is still open."

"And?"

"And anyone in the world could see us if they walked by. I don't particularly want your neighbours seeing us."

He smirked as he kissed her again, silencing her protests.

"Not like we haven't done this in public before."

"That wasn't in a residential neighbourhood, Jethro."

Jenny wasn't sure how long Abby would take in arriving, and she _really_ didn't want their colleagues seeing them in their current situation. She pushed against his chest and he nodded when he realised that she was serious. He held out his hand to help her up and as she stood, he brushed off the dust from his jeans.

"Bourbon?"

She nodded, and he gestured to the basement steps.

"Ladies first."

"You just want to look at my ass."

His laugh was all the answer she needed as she walked down the steps.

* * *

Swirling the liquor in her glass, Jenny watched Gibbs thoughtfully as he worked and she found herself wondering if Abby had forgotten about her surprise. Soft footsteps above her head quickly banished those worries, and Gibbs frowned as he glanced over at her.

"What?"

"You hear that?"

"To be fair, you leave your front door unlocked. I would think you'd be used to it by now."

He shushed her, waiting. Though she knew it wasn't necessary, she couldn't help but admire the way his instinct took over and he was instantly alert, in spite of the alcohol he had consumed. When he saw the Scottish doctor walking down the steps, he relaxed and Jenny smiled.

"Hi, Ducky."

"Good evening, Jennifer. Jethro."

He hugged the redhead and when she heard his voice in her ear, she smiled.

"Am I the first to arrive?"

She nodded, and when he pulled back, he kissed her cheek gently.

"How are you, my dear? I heard you had a meeting with SecNav this afternoon."

Jenny shrugged, taking a drink.

"It went better than I thought, but I still don't want to do this."

The doctor nodded and pulled out a bottle from his jacket pocket.

"Scotch?"

She shook her head and he offered it to Gibbs, who also declined.

"More for me, then."

Jenny laughed, and Gibbs gave the older man a smile. If anyone could be counted on to make Jenny laugh, it was Ducky. Since her laughter was such a rare occurrence these days, Gibbs was thankful whenever he heard it. More footsteps were approaching, and as the members of the MCRT descended the stairs, Gibbs glared.

"What are you doing here?"

"Come on, boss. We couldn't let you spend Christmas Eve alone."

"Did you bring your Christmas tree, DiNozzo?"

Tony grinned sheepishly and McGee frowned, looking at Jenny.

"What Christmas tree?"

"He made one out of paperclips."

Tony shrugged.

"I was bored."

"I'm sure you could have found _something_ productive to do," Jenny quipped, "or I could have found something myself."

"No, thank you, ma'am."

Abby was the last one down the steps and as she pulled out several bottles of liquor, Jenny's eyes widened.

"Did you rob the store, Abby?"

"No! I just didn't know what everyone would like. I know Ziva drinks tequila, Ducky is Scotch, you and Gibbs drink bourbon, but I wasn't sure about McGee and Tony. I wanted to have a variety."

Jenny laughed at Abby's nervousness and offered her a smile.

"Relax, Abby. I was kidding."

Tony reached for the bottle of vodka and as Ziva threw back a shot of tequila, Gibbs narrowed his eyes at Jenny.

"Did you do this?"

"No," Jenny answered innocently.

"Really, Gibbs. She didn't! It was my idea. You wouldn't come to the party, so we brought the party to you. Please don't be mad."

If it had been anyone else who had spoken, Gibbs would have thrown them all out of his house. As it was, he was silent for a moment, staring at his favourite Goth, and he nodded slowly.

"Fine. You can all stay. But just for tonight."

Jenny laid a hand on his shoulder and when she leaned down, her lips brushed his ear lightly.

"You're such a softie."

He glared at her, and her eyes flashed.

"Try to have fun, Jethro," she whispered.

* * *

As shot after shot was tossed back, and tumbler after tumbler was emptied, Jenny was suddenly hit with an overwhelming sense of belonging. These people had accepted her into their work family without question and stood by her through the darkest time of her life and she fought against the tears she could feel forming in her eyes.

"Guys, let's play a game! Truth or truth."

Tony frowned.

"Don't you mean Truth or Dare, Abby?"

"Nope. You have answer the question asked honestly, but you get one free pass for anything you want. One question per round. Come on!"

Tony sighed, knowing that they would be better off by giving her what she wanted.

"Okay. You start, Abs."

The look in her eyes almost made Tony regret his words, but when she asked her question, he was pleasantly surprised.

"Okay, Tony. Last time someone said they loved you."

"Easy. This girl I took on a date the other night. First date. Needless to say, I got away from her fast."

Abby smiled, turning to McGee.

"Your turn, Timmy."

"My sister, Sarah. I called her to wish her good luck on her exams and she told me she loved me when she hung up."

"Ziva?"

The Israeli swallowed her shot of tequila, and frowned, thinking.

"My sister, Tali. Right before she died."

"Ducky?"

"Mother told me that this morning after I helped her make breakfast."

The Goth turned to Gibbs, noticing the way he was pointedly not looking in her direction, and she cleared her throat.

"Gibbs?"

"Hm?"

"Answer the question."

He frowned.

"What question?"

"When was the last time someone told you they loved you?"

"Last night."

"Ooh," Abby clapped her hands excitedly, "who was it, Gibbs?"

"I believe the rule was one question per round," Ducky reminded her.

She pouted and Ducky met Jenny's eyes briefly from where he sat near the steps.

"Thank you," she mouthed.

He nodded and Abby turned to Jenny.

"Director? Your turn."

"This morning. Ducky told me. What about you, Abby?"

"My brother. I called to wish him a Merry Christmas."

Jenny smiled, and Abby was suddenly struck by how pretty she was when she smiled.

"I'll go next," Tony spoke up, "Weirdest place you've ever had sex?"

Gibbs and Jenny exchanged a glance, and he knew they were both thinking of the same thing: their time in the work elevator was certainly risky, but not necessarily weird. Still, it was their best choice. An elevator was easy enough. No one had to know it was the same elevator.

"McGee, you first."

"Back seat of a taxi."

"That's not weird."

McGee shrugged.

"Sorry, it's all I've got."

"Abby?"

"In a cemetery on Halloween."

"Figures," Tony smirked, "Ziva?"

"In an armored truck illegally crossing the border into Egypt."

"Ducky?"

"In my mother's bed. She wasn't home, of course, but I was younger and more careless then."

"Gibbs?"

"In an elevator."

"Cool, it's like that Aerosmith song "Love In An Elevator". Way to go, boss," Tony held up his hand for a high five.

Gibbs pointedly ignored him and as Tony turned away, he reached out to slap the back of his head.

"Director Shepard?"

"Jenny," she corrected softly.

He nodded.

"Jenny?"

"In a back alley against a stone wall during a parade."

Gibbs smirked into his mason jar of bourbon, remembering the day she was speaking of fondly. It had been one of the times that he simply hadn't been able to wait to get back to their hotel room, and he had roughly pushed her into that alley and pinned her to the wall.

"Sounds painful," McGee remarked.

Jenny shrugged.

"I don't remember that part."

"Mine was on a bus on the way back from church camp. Little DiNozzo was quite the rebel."

Ziva raised her hand, and as she downed another shot of tequila, they all looked at her.

"My turn. First scar you ever had. Jenny, you start."

Jenny was thankful that she was wearing a skirt and as she lifted it to carefully show the scar on her thigh, Gibbs frowned. He knew that scar well. Hell, he'd been there when she'd gotten it. The pain in her eyes still haunted him to this day. Tony drew in a sharp breath and McGee whistled softly.

"What happened?" Abby asked.

"Bullet tore into my thigh. Hurt like hell, but luckily, I had someone to get the bullet out for me."

"Ducky?"

Ducky shook his head.

"Not me," he said quietly.

"Jethro," Jenny answered, nodding in his direction.

"Woah, Gibbs, you took a bullet out of the Director's leg?"

"I wasn't the Director then, Tony."

"How did you do it, boss?"

Gibbs shrugged, pulling out a knife. With a jolt, Jenny recognised it as the very same one he had used that night in Europe. She hadn't realised that he'd still had it after all these years.

"You still have that thing?"

"That's the same knife he used to—"

"Yes," Jenny nodded, "I'd know that blade anywhere."

"Did it hurt, Jenny?"

Tony winced as Abby smacked the back of his head. Jenny laughed and raised her glass to her lips.

"You have no idea."

"You didn't even scream, Jen," Gibbs reminded her.

"Woah, really? Way to go, Jenny!"

Jenny smiled at Tony and as she took another drink, Gibbs found himself fascinated by the red stain on the mason jar that her lipstick left behind. She stood slowly, making her way carefully to the stairs and once there, she turned.

"I'm going to use the restroom. Let me know what I miss."

They all nodded and when she disappeared, they turned to their silver-haired leader.

"She really didn't scream, boss?"

He shook his head, taking a long drink.

"Wouldn't have even known she was hit if we hadn't seen the blood on the ground."

"No wonder she's the Director."

They sat in silence for a few moments and when Ziva's quiet voice broke through, they all turned to look at her.

"When we worked together in Cairo, she was tortured for days. No food, no water unless absolutely necessary, they tried everything. She still wouldn't tell them what they wanted. She is a very strong woman."

Gibbs frowned at her words, and stood. Jenny had been gone awhile, and he was beginning to get concerned.

"Be right back."

* * *

Jenny leaned against the frame of the bathroom door, trying to control her breathing. She ran her hand through her hair and as she took a tentative step, she crashed into something solid.

"Jesus, Jethro!"

He looked down at her and studied her carefully.

"You okay?"

She nodded, and he brushed her hair back from her face. He let his fingers linger on her skin for a bit longer than necessary and her eyes closed at the contact.

"Jen."

"Hmm?"

"Let's go back."

Opening her eyes, she let her lips brush against his cheek and allowed him to lead her back to the steps. As they walked back down, Jenny found herself smiling at the scene in front of them. Abby was currently trying to place a pair of antlers on McGee's head, Tony was tossing pretzels at Ziva and Ducky simply sat observing, ever the attentive grandfather figure. Jenny glanced at Gibbs over her shoulder, and found that he was also smiling at them. She raised up to whisper in his ear, smirking as she felt him shiver.

"See, Jethro? The holidays aren't so bad."

As Abby noticed their presence, she let out a shriek and pointed above their heads.

"Gibbs! Director! You're under the mistletoe! You have to kiss now!"

Gibbs frowned.

"When did this get here?"

"I hung it when you guys were upstairs," Abby admitted, "Come on, Gibbs. It's tradition!"

Jenny looked at her, and knew she wasn't going to back down. Gibbs must have come to the same conclusion, and sighed, leaning down to kiss Jenny on the cheek. Abby shook her head, pouting.

"That doesn't count, Gibbs. It has to be a _real_ kiss!"

Smirking, Jenny turned to look at Gibbs, raising her eyebrow in question. He saw it for the challenge it was and tilted his head. He wasn't sure how they were going to play this, but the look in her eyes gave him some idea. She fully intended to make his team as uncomfortable as possible, and he was never one to back down from a challenge.

He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and pulled her closer. He leaned as close as he possibly could and just before his lips touched hers, they both pulled away, smirking at the collective groan that came from his team.

"Come on, boss! That's not funny!"

"You may as well get it over with, Jethro. You and Jennifer both know that they aren't going to let this go."

Jenny pretended to think about it for a moment, and as if he could read her thoughts, Gibbs raised his eyebrow at her.

"Well?" she asked quietly.

A smirk was all she received, but it was enough. He brought his lips to hers in a kiss that was anything but tame, and as her hands slid up his chest, his fingers tangled into her hair. Though he knew it was for show, he still enjoyed every second that their bodies were pressed together and when Jenny's bourbon-flavoured tongue found his, he tightened his hold on her. Finally, she pulled back and she smirked as she wiped away the traces of her crimson lipstick.

"I didn't think you'd really do it," Tony said quietly.

"Rule 30. Never walk away from a challenge," Jenny smiled.

"Is that a real rule, boss?"

Gibbs smiled.

"It is now."

Their game, it seemed, had been abandoned, but they continued to drink, and as the liquor coursed through her veins, Jenny found herself relaxing into Gibbs' body as she sat in front of him against his boat. No one else had noticed their position yet, much too inebriated to care, and as Ziva went in search of more food, Ducky leaned over to them, his voice low.

"Careful, my dear. You're dangerously close to slipping."

Jenny nodded slowly, raising up from her position, thankful no one had noticed how much she had leaned into Gibbs.

"Jethro, do you have anything I can change into?"

"Afraid not, Jen. Not unless you really want them to know."

Sighing, she nodded, and settled back against the wood of his boat. It was slightly uncomfortable, and Gibbs reached out to wrap an arm around her shoulders. Ziva returned moments later and frowned when she saw Tony passed out lying on McGee's legs. Abby had fallen asleep on the couch and McGee was currently trying to shift enough to get out from under his friend's body.

"Little help?"

Laughing quietly, Ziva and Jenny lifted Tony carefully and McGee quickly moved his body.

"Thanks."

Gibbs excused himself to use the restroom, and as soon as he had left, McGee crawled under the boat.

"Are you okay, McGee?"

"Mhm...Just need sleep. Night, Ziva. Director Shepard. Ducky."

Jenny laughed as the soft snoring filled the room, and Ziva offered her a pretzel. Jenny took one, chewing thoughtfully, and when the Israeli spoke, her voice was soft.

"It was Gibbs, wasn't it?"

Jenny frowned.

"What?"

"He was the man from Paris. The one you spoke of in Cairo."

She nodded, and Ziva smiled, eating another pretzel.

"You really loved him, didn't you?"

"I never stopped."

The words were out before she could stop them, and her eyes widened. Ziva gave her a knowing look and Ducky reached out to pat her knee gently. Jenny smiled at him sadly, and once more, Ziva broke the silence.

"You called for him in Cairo."

"I did?"

The Israeli nodded, oblivious to the silver-haired agent hovering at the top of the stairs.

"Yes. The night I tried to sneak you water. The night I was captured. You were nearly dead, but you said his name. When I was first assigned to his team, I thought it was simply because you had been partners. Now I know the truth."

Gibbs deliberately made his footsteps loud enough to be heard as he returned and Jenny frowned at the glasses of water in his hands. He held them out and they each took one, a confused look on the redhead's face.

"What's this for?"

"Hangover."

Jenny nodded and sipped it slowly. Ziva stood, and Ducky followed suit, both making their way towards the steps.

"You two can crash here. I've got a spare room and the couch."

They both nodded and Jenny smiled as she listened to the polite argument over who would take the couch and she glanced around the basement curiously.

"Jethro, we can't just leave them like this."

"Sure we can. Let's go to bed."

He pulled her to her feet and led her to the steps. As they passed through the living room, Gibbs smirked at the sight of Ducky on the couch and Jenny laughed quietly.

"I guess chivalry isn't dead, huh, Ducky?"

"Not at all. I am nothing if not a gentleman."

"Night, Duck."

"Good night, Ducky."

"Good night, Jethro. Good night, Jennifer. Sleep well, my dear."

Jenny nodded and Gibbs helped her up the stairs. It wasn't until they were standing in his room that he realised her shoes were missing.

"Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"You left your heels in my basement."

She shrugged, looking at him with an expression he knew well, but couldn't encourage tonight. As her hands wound into his hair, he pulled away, forcing her to lie back.

"Not tonight, Jen. Not with everyone here."

She pouted slightly, but nodded. As he pulled her into his arms, she turned to face him, her eyes serious.

"Will you at least kiss me?"

He brought his lips to hers, and her fingers immediately found the hem of his shirt. He tried to stop her, but as soon as her hands touched his bare skin, he knew he'd lost the fight.

"Jen..."

"Just kiss me, Jethro."

He happily did as she asked, and he pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it aside. They both knew they would have to be quiet to avoid being caught, but as soon as he entered her, all rational thought left their minds.

* * *

Jenny shivered as she opened her eyes and found Gibbs was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, she climbed out of the bed and after a few minutes of searching, she slipped on an old shirt and pair of sweatpants belonging to him and made her way quietly down to the kitchen. She found him preparing a pot of coffee and he turned at the sound of her footsteps on the floor.

"Morning."

"Morning. Are we the first ones up?"

"Yep."

She crossed the room to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Leaning down, his lips brushed against hers and she smiled as his fingers trailed down her side. The soft sound of someone clearing their throat made them jump apart and when they noticed Ducky in the doorway, they had the good grace to look embarrassed.

"Good morning, Merry Christmas. I trust you both slept well?"

Knowing the question was mainly directed at Jenny, Gibbs stayed silent.

"Not too bad."

"Any nightmares, Jennifer?"

She shook her head slowly.

"No. I think I was too drunk to dream."

"Three cheers for alcohol," Gibbs said dryly.

Jenny smirked and as the coffee finished brewing, Gibbs poured three cups, passing them around.

"I suppose we should go check on the three sleeping in the basement."

Ducky nodded.

"That would probably be wise."

As they made their way to the kitchen, Ducky's voice suddenly stopped them.

"Jennifer...you might want to change your clothes, my dear."

Jenny glanced down at herself and looked up at Gibbs briefly before nodding. She placed a hand on his cheek gently as she walked past, and Gibbs smiled at her.

"How is she holding up, Jethro?"

He shrugged, turning to look at the doctor.

"You know Jenny. She keeps everything to herself until she can't take it anymore. She's worried about pressing charges against Harrison, but she won't admit it."

"That's understandable. Are you prepared to have your relationship with her made public? They're going to ask, and you both have to be honest."

Gibbs frowned.

"It never mattered to me if anyone knew. Jenny...I don't know. She's worried about her job." Again, Ducky nodded and took a sip of his coffee. Jenny returned seconds later, offering them both a smile, and as they headed to the basement, Gibbs stopped her just inside the living room.

"Jen...I think we should tell the team. About us. They're going to find out during the investigation anyway. Probably be better if they hear if from us."

She was silent for a moment, and then nodded.

"Okay. You're probably right."

He leaned down, kissing her cheek and gave her a smile.

"Aren't I always?"

She glared at him and shook her head.

"No."

* * *

Tony groaned as he opened his eyes, painfully aware of the bright light streaming through one of the small windows. His head was pounding, and his mouth was unbelievably dry, a sure sign that he had been drinking far too much the night before. Finally, his tired eyes were able to focus on his surroundings, and he noticed the Goth on the couch, McGee under the boat, and when they landed on Gibbs and Jenny, he bolted upright.

"Boss! Director! Morning. Sleep well?"

"We aren't the ones who passed out on McGee, Agent DiNozzo," Jenny said, laughter in her voice.

"I didn't..."

At Gibbs' pointed look, Tony frowned, looking between him and Jenny.

"Crap, I did."

Abby's low moan caused them all to turn around, and Jenny offered her a small smile.

"Tony, you're being too loud."

Jenny smirked as she took a drink of her coffee and as he caught sight of the cup in her hand, Tony's eyes widened.

"There's coffee?"

"Upstairs."

"Oh, I love you, boss."

Making a mad dash for the stairs, Tony went in search of the rich liquid, and Jenny leaned back against Gibbs' chest. Abby noticed this and frowned, her eyes darting between them. He placed a light kiss to her hair and she smiled unconsciously. She moved away from him and knelt down beneath the boat, her hand lightly shaking the still-sleeping probationary agent.

"McGee? You okay?"

He groaned and opened his eyes slowly.

"Director Shepard? Oh, God, did I fall asleep at work?"

He jerked up, knocking his head against the boat and Jenny winced as she pulled back.

"McGee, calm down. You're in Gibbs' basement. Do you remember last night?"

Frowning, he tried to remember and as the events of the night came to him in pieces, he slowly nodded.

"Sorry, ma'am."

As he carefully stood up, he looked at Abby, who motioned between their bosses and he frowned. He wasn't sure what she was trying to tell him, and as Jenny swept past him, he was far too hungover to notice the way Gibbs watched her walk up the steps. After a few moments, their boss followed her, and Abby immediately grabbed his arm.

"Did you see that? They're together! I know it."

"Abby, I know you call them 'Mommy' and 'Daddy', but they aren't really together."

"You saw them last night, didn't you? That kiss wasn't something you can fake. And where do you think they slept last night?"

"Where did Ducky and Ziva sleep? You don't think they're sleeping with Gibbs too, do you?"

Abby tossed a shoe at him, and as he ducked, he picked it up, frowning.

"These aren't yours."

"They sure as hell aren't Ziva's."

"That just leaves..."

"Director Shepard," they said simultaneously.

Perhaps Abby had a point after all.

* * *

Jenny sipped her hot chocolate carefully, closing her eyes and relishing the wintry addition of the peppermint schnapps she had added. As Gibbs returned from her kitchen carrying a tumbler of bourbon, she smiled up at him warmly, loving that he had agreed to spend the holiday with her.

He stared at her for a moment, illuminated by the multi-coloured glow of the Christmas tree, completely taken aback by how beautiful she looked. When she noticed him staring, she frowned, setting her drink down on the table in front of her.

"Jethro, why are you staring at me like that?"

"You're gorgeous," he said simply.

He held turned on Jenny's record player, one of the few possessions she had kept of her father's, and as soft music filled the room, he held out his hand.

"Dance with me."

She raised an eyebrow in confusion and laughed in disbelief.

"Since when do you dance?"

"Now."

Jenny smiled, taking his hand, and as he pulled her into his arms, she rested her head on his shoulder. They swayed in front of the tree, Gibbs admiring the way the lights lit up her features, and when he kissed her, he could feel her smile against his lips.

"Merry Christmas, Jen."

She looked up at him, and he could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes.

"Merry Christmas, Jethro."

He spun her away from him, holding her at arms length for a moment, and when she twirled back into his arms, he kissed her again.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Say it again."

He released her, searching around her living room for a pen he knew would be laying around, and as he found a spare piece of paper, she frowned. He wrote on it quickly, and he slipped it into her hand, smiling as she read the words he had written.

"In case you ever need to be reminded when I'm not around."

Her hand rested against his cheek softly, and she smiled. She quickly grabbed her purse, pulling out her wallet and as she placed the paper inside, he frowned, confused.

"Now I'll always have it with me."

* * *

Jenny sighed as she signed her statement, and placed her head in her hands. Her phone rang and as she picked it up, she frowned and glared at the offending device.

"Shepard."

"Director, SecNav is waiting on line one."

Shit.

"Put him through, Cynthia."

"Good evening, Jennifer."

"Hello, sir. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I hate to give you bad news so soon after the holidays, but I'm going to need you to prepare your statement for the media. We're holding a press conference in two days."

She sighed.

"Yes, sir."

"Try not to worry. We're all behind you."

"Thank you, sir."

After exchanging a few more pleasantries, Jenny finally hung up the phone and tried not to wince as her door flew open and bounced off the wall.

"Yes, Jethro?"

"I'm heading out. Care to join me?"

She shook her head sadly.

"I can't. I have to prepare a statement for the media."

"It can wait. I have something for you. A Christmas present."

She frowned.

"Christmas was yesterday," she reminded him.

"I know. Had to call in a favour to get it. Took a bit longer than I expected."

Finally, she nodded, and grabbed her coat. She supposed her statement could wait for one more day. After all, anything Gibbs had planned was sure to be better than this.

* * *

Jenny frowned as Gibbs gently pushed her back down on the bed, not complaining as he kissed her, but confused nevertheless.

"Jethro, what is—"

"Hush."

He trailed his lips over her skin, his fingers running through her hair, and when he spoke, his breath was warm on her throat.

"Close your eyes."

She swallowed, doing as he asked and when he reached into the beside table to pull out the small container, he smirked. He slowly opened it, and when she felt the soft feather on her skin, she shivered under him.

"Jethro," she murmured softly, "is that honey dust?"

"Mhmm."

The fine powder shimmered on her skin, making it softer than he'd ever felt, and as he moved the feather over her, she sighed. He hadn't ever thought that Jenny's skin could look more beautiful, but seeing it coated in the sugary sweet dust made his hands shake. He'd never wanted to touch her so badly, and as the feather dipped into the hollow of her collarbone, she moaned quietly.

His lips ghosted over her skin, tasting the sweetness he would never openly admit to enjoying, and her body arched slightly upward.

"Jethro..."

He dipped the feather into the container again, brushing it over her throat, and when his lips followed, he discovered he could taste her rapid heartbeat in his mouth. Agonisingly slow, he trailed the dust over the expanse of her body, the tiny crystals of sugar glittering in the soft glow of the setting sun. Jenny softly swore in French as his tongue danced over her hipbones, and when he finally reached her inner thigh, she couldn't remember how to breathe.

He brought his mouth to her, taking note of the way her left hand gripped the sheet beneath her, and he carefully lifted her leg over his shoulder. He moved his tongue in and out, flattening it against the most sensitive part of her body and she jerked under his body. His name fell from her lips in a whisper and her right hand found his hair.

"Jesus _Christ_, Jethro..."

He allowed himself a glance at her, and smiled as his eyes met hers. They had darkened to a deep forest green and the slight flush of her skin was absolutely stunning in the dim light. It was almost completely dark out now, and he brought his hand up to softly trail down her sides, causing her to shiver and her head fell back against the pillows, her hair a fiery waterfall.

He sped up his tongue, and she moaned as her grip tightened in his hair. As she shattered beneath him, he kissed the inside of her thighs, slowly making his way up her body. His tongue dipped in her navel, and she moaned again, her entire body shaking. As his lips grazed her throat, she arched into him and he smirked. He didn't think she would ever stop _shaking_.

Her breathing was heavy, and he touched the side of her face gently.

"Merry Christmas, Jen."

"Best gift ever," she whispered.

"I love you," he said quietly, his lips brushing her ear.

Jenny smiled, and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I take it back," she murmured, "_That_ was the best gift ever."

Gibbs frowned and her hand kept moving through his silver hair.

"You. Telling me you love me. That's the best thing you could have ever given me."

He kissed her again, and as he pulled her into his arms, he simply stared at her, admiring the shimmer left by the remnants of honey dust on her porcelain skin.

"The honey dust was a damn good idea, too."

She glared at him playfully and gently bit down on his shoulder.

"Shut up, Jethro."

As her lips met his again, Jenny found herself feeling better than she had in months. Maybe, just maybe, she could make it through this. At least now she had the strength to try.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	11. Disenchanted

**A/N: In which Jenny nearly makes a horrible decision. Also, Gibbs has pictures that I really wish existed. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

Jenny tried to ignore the way her hands were shaking as she stood off to the side of the crowd, waiting for her cue to move. She pulled out her wallet and discreetly lifted the small slip of paper she always kept on her, taking a deep breath as she read the words written in familiar handwriting.

_Jen-_

_ I love you. No matter what happens. Don't ever forget that._

_ -Jethro_

She sighed as she placed it carefully back into her wallet and when she glanced up again, Cynthia was gesturing for her to begin walking. Nodding, she took a step forward, hoping no one was paying too close of attention or else they would have noticed how badly she was trembling. Public speaking had never bothered her, but this was an entirely different matter. She'd never spoken about her attack in front of anyone, and now here she was about to launch a federal investigation. She only hoped she sounded stronger than she felt.

"Two months ago, on the night of October 28th, a very serious crime was committed on the premises of this Navy Yard. A woman was brutally raped, beaten, and abandoned. We now have the man who committed this crime in our custody and will be conducting a federal investigation to bring about justice."

Jenny scanned the crowd, seeing a few familiar faces, and as her eyes landed on Tony DiNozzo, she felt a wave of relief wash over her. Though she couldn't see him, she knew Gibbs was in the room somewhere, and it gave her the strength to keep going.

"We are asking that if anyone witnessed anything from that night, that they come forward. Are there any questions?"

"Director Shepard, do you know the identity of the victim?"

Jenny nodded, her eyes distant.

"Yes, but that is not being released to the general public."

"Why is the Navy trying to cover this up? If the crime took place, surely there's no shame involved in releasing the name."

"The victim's name is not relevant at this time. As previously stated, we have the man responsible in custody."

"Director, what if you've arrested the wrong man? Are you willing to risk that kind of mistake?"

Shaking her head, Jenny tried to reign in the anger she could feel building within her.

"We haven't."

"But Director Shepard, surely you must believe in innocent until proven guilty?"

"I'm sorry, but we've run out of time," Jenny replied, her voice shaking with rage.

Her words were met with protests, but the redhead firmly ignored them, walking swiftly from the room. She kept her eyes straight ahead and as she made her way back to the safety of her office, she felt a few tears fall as she blinked.

* * *

Tobias Fornell watched Jenny speak from near the back of the room, his eyes narrowing in thought. Though she'd pissed him off on more than one occasion at work, he held no ill feelings toward her, and he currently felt a strange sense of pity for her. Holding a press conference like this one couldn't have been easy, and the bombardment of questions had infuriated even him.

He turned, finding himself staring into a pair of steel blue eyes and smiled.

"Jethro."

"Tobias."

"Hell of a day, huh?"

"You have no idea."

Gibbs beckoned, walking to the elevator and when Fornell had joined him in the small space, he flipped the emergency switch.

"I need your help with this."

"You know I can't get involved."

"Off the record, Fornell. This is serious."

Fornell frowned, and as he looked at his friend, he realised he'd never seen him look more somber.

"This about your investigation?"

"Yeah. I might need you to do some digging on records that your guys have blocked."

Fornell shook his head.

"I can't do that, Gibbs. I could lose my job."

"I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

Fornell sighed, his mind running frantically, trying to imagine a scenario where this didn't end badly. After a few moments, he looked over at Gibbs, his expression guarded.

"What's your stake in this, Jethro? Why are you so concerned?"

The former marine was silent, and for a moment, Fornell wasn't sure he would get an answer.

"Strictly off the record. No one can know about this."

Fornell nodded, and Gibbs held out his hand. He took it and once they had shaken, Gibbs sighed.

"The woman who was raped...it was _her_, Fornell."

At first, Fornell had no idea what he was talking about and then, it suddenly fell into place, hitting him like a ton of bricks.

"_Jenny?_"

Gibbs nodded, and Fornell let out a low whistle.

"Damn. No wonder she didn't want to answer those questions. Okay, fine. I'll see what I can do. I'll get with McGee and go over what I need to look for."

Gibbs flipped the switch and the elevator hummed to life. Just as the doors were about to open, Gibbs turned to his friend, a serious expression in his bright blue eyes.

"Tobias...thanks."

"I want the bastard too, Jethro."

Gibbs smirked and the doors slid back.

"Jethro?"

He turned, looking back at the agent and raised his eyebrow.

"Watch out for her."

Gibbs nodded and headed for the stairs, knowing there was only one place Jenny would have gone after the conference.

* * *

Jenny cursed at herself as she sat behind her desk, head held in her hands, and fought the urge to scream. She wanted to break something, shoot something (or some_one_), cry, or a combination of all three.

"How could you have been so _stupid_, Jenny? You should have known better."

"To be fair, you're not a mind reader."

She jumped at the sound of his voice, turning to glare at him, and as he closed her door, she sighed.

"Jethro. You startled me."

He shrugged and walked closer to her. She was pale, and even from where he stood, he could feel the exhaustion radiating from her body. She stood from her chair, walking around to collapse on her couch and when he came to sit next to her, he placed his hand on her knee.

"You did fine, Jen."

Her head shook, long hair falling into her face, and she brushed it back angrily.

"I should have known they would ask about revealing the identity. It was a probie mistake."

Gibbs took her hand in his and she glanced down at their entwined fingers for a long moment.

"No, it wasn't. You had no way of knowing what questions would be asked."

"But to say that _if_ the crime had been committed it wouldn't be an issue? That's ridiculous! Of _course_ the crime was committed!"

"I know," he interrupted gently, "but don't let it upset you. You're doing just fine."

He lightly kissed her hair, and she leaned into his embrace, still keeping her hold on his hand.

"For the record, you're not stupid," he murmured, his lips warm against her hair, "I'm so proud of you."

* * *

As he moved the sander back and forth over the wood of his boat, Gibbs found himself thinking about Shannon. He'd loved her and Kelly more than life itself, and losing them had nearly destroyed him. The holidays had always been difficult for him after their deaths, but for once, it had been bearable this year. Enjoyable, even. He'd spent it with great friends, people he considered his family, he had spent the night with the woman he never thought he'd be with again, and it was all thanks to Jenny. She'd been the first woman he'd truly loved since his first wife, and in spite of the trauma and emotional turmoil she was experiencing, she had still managed to make him remember that his life still had meaning, that it was worth living.

He took a drink of the bourbon sitting at his feet and sighed as it burned a path down his throat. He was determined to see the man who had hurt her, who had very nearly destroyed her, rot in a cell for as long as it was deemed possible. At the very least, she deserved that much. He smiled as he thought of her and a laugh escaped him.

"Think you would have liked Jenny, Shannon," he said quietly, "I miss you guys so much. But she makes it easier. I'll never stop loving you, but...I love her, too."

He set his drink down and as his phone rang, he ran a hand through his hair. So much for peace and quiet.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, are you still working on that damn boat?"

"Tobias?"

"Yeah. Listen, McGee and I pulled up records on your suspect. Turns out he was arrested a few years back for rape as well. Court records were sealed, but I pulled some strings and I got them. I'll get them to you first thing tomorrow."

"Thanks. I owe you."

"Didn't do it for you. Did it for Jenny."

"Even better."

He hung up and smiled, dialing another number, hoping that she was still awake.

"Shepard."

"Hey, Jen. Got some good news."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. McGee and Fornell found out that Harrison was arrested for rape a few years ago and they managed to get the court records unsealed. Bringing them by in the morning."

"That's...that's great. Really."

Something was off about her voice, and Gibbs frowned.

"Jen?"

"Yes?"

"You okay?"

"Fine."

He sighed.

"The truth."

There was a long silence on the other end of the line and when Jenny's voice came back to him, there was no mistaking the pain in her tone.

"I don't think I can do this, Jethro. They're going to rip every part of my life to shreds. They're going to ask me about you, and I can't lie about it, but I don't want either of us to lose our jobs."

"It'll be fine."

"You don't know that. Maybe...maybe it would be better if we stopped seeing each other."

He felt as though he had been punched and he fought to catch his breath.

"No. Jen, don't do that. Don't walk away from us because of that bastard. Don't let him win."

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

The click in his ear told him that she had hung up and he stared at his phone numbly for nearly a full minute. Slamming his hand down on the shell of his boat, he swore as he grabbed his keys and bolted for the door. He'd be damned if he was going to let her leave. Not again.

* * *

Jenny could hear the pounding on her front door, but made no move to answer it. She sat on the couch in her living room, staring blankly at the Christmas decorations still adorning her house and took a long desperate drink of her bourbon. The harsh taste made her shudder, gasping as it burned her throat, and she ran a shaking hand through her hair.

"Jen, open the damn door."

Sighing, she stood and made her way toward the sound. She didn't particularly want to see him, but she didn't imagine her neighbours would appreciate the noise he was making. Opening the door, she looked up at him tiredly, not even bothering to speak as she stepped back to allow him in. He pushed past her, glaring at her as she locked the door again, and when she faced him, he finally spoke.

"You can't do this, Jenny."

She shook her head slowly, trying to make him understand.

"Jethro, I—"

"No. I let you walk away once, I'm not doing it again. Jen...I know you're scared. It's completely understandable. But you can't...Jen, I can't lose you."

Closing her eyes, Jenny fought the tears threatening to escape and tried again.

"You don't understand. This could—"

"I understand that us not being together would be a huge mistake. We've tried that. It didn't work."

He walked closer to her, his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes searchingly.

"If you can look me in the eyes and honestly tell me that you want me to leave, then I'll leave."

She didn't answer, and her eyes remained fixed on the floor. He shook her gently, and when her eyes met his, she was shocked by the emotions she saw there.

"Tell me, Jenny. Do you want me to leave?"

Finally, her head shook and he let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"No, I don't," she whispered, "I've never loved anyone the way I love you."

"Don't do it, Jen."

"I don't want to," her voice was thick with tears, "but I'm so fucking scared. This could destroy both of our lives. Our jobs, our reputations, everything."

He wrapped her in his arms, kissing the top of her head and she sobbed against his chest, tears dampening his shirt.

"A job can be replaced. What we have can't. I'm not going to lose the best thing in my life because of that bastard."

She looked up at him and he leaned down, kissing her harder than he had since Christmas Eve. She clung to his shirt like a lifeline and when they finally broke apart, she ran her fingertips lightly over his skin.

"I'm so sorry, Jethro. I acted like an idiot."

Gibbs brought his hand to the back of her head and her mouth fell open in shock. A laugh escaped her and he smirked as she glared at him.

"Don't call yourself an idiot, Shepard. You're one of the smartest people I know."

Her lips brushed against his and she smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And hey, Jen...with enough courage, you can do without a reputation."

She frowned at his words, knowing they sounded familiar to her, and when it finally clicked, she smacked his arm lightly.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs...did you seriously just quote _Gone With the Wind_ to me?"

He shrugged.

"Would that make you Rhett Butler?"

"Only if you're Scarlett O'Hara."

A low laugh fell from her lips and he pulled her closer in his arms. Her hand reached up to touch the side of his face gently and she smiled.

"Jethro?"

A raised eyebrow was her answer.

"Stay the night."

He pretended to think about it and she frowned.

"It wasn't a question."

His lips on hers gave her all the confirmation she needed and as she pulled him to the stairs, she wondered how she could have ever thought leaving him was anything more than utterly insane.

* * *

Tossing back the last of her drink, Jenny shuddered and curled her feet under her legs, trying to make herself focus on the paperwork she had in front of her. Her phone rang and she sighed, taking off her glasses and setting them on her lap.

"Shepard."

"Director Shepard, I'm sorry to bother you at home, but you might want to turn on the television. It's kind of important."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

She hung up, absolutely dreading whatever was waiting for her on ZNN, and as the screen flickered to life, her eyes widened in shock.

"The identity of the woman who is pressing rape charges against a local man on federal property has been revealed to be Director Jenny Shepard of NCIS. Sources say that charges have now been officially filed, and a court date is being set for Monday, January 13th. Director Shepard couldn't be reached for comment, and no official statement outside of the press conference has been given."

"Fuck," Jenny whispered.

Turning off the television, Jenny immediately reached for her phone, dialing frantically.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro...they know."

"Who knows what?"

"The press. They know it was me."

"How?"

"I don't know. Someone had to have told them, but none of your team would have said anything. Jethro, what are we going to do?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"Nothing. We can't do anything about it. It's done."

Deep down, she knew he was right, but she couldn't stop the panic building in her chest. Her breathing was becoming more rapid, and the fingers were suddenly numb. She could hear Gibbs speaking to her faintly, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't force her vocal chords to cooperate.

"Jen? You okay?"

She tried again to speak, but it was useless.

"Jenny, answer me."

"J-Jethro, I c-can't...I—"

"Easy. Take it slow. Close your eyes, and take a deep breath."

A harsh gasp tore from her chest and she struggled to keep her hold on the phone.

"I'll be right there, Jen. Hang on."

The click in her ear was overwhelmingly loud, and yet she wasn't sure she had heard it at all. Every sound in her house was amplified by a hundred: every tick of the grandfather clock sounded like a drum, the hum of her heater kicking on was like thunder, and she covered her ears with her hands, letting her phone clatter to the floor. She whimpered softly, her eyes tightly shut, and still her breathing wouldn't slow.

* * *

She had no idea how long she stayed in that position, but when she heard Gibbs enter the room, she couldn't even look at him. His hands were gentle on her wrists as he tried to move her hands, and she shook her head.

"Jenny."

His voice was close, so she knew he had to be kneeling in front of her, but her eyes refused to open. He slowly removed her hands from her ears, and rubbed them between his own trying to warm them.

"Look at me, Jen."

She had never heard his voice so gentle, and it dimly occurred to her that he must have used this tone to calm Kelly down as a child. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and he gave her a reassuring smile.

"Deep breath, okay? Slow. In and out. We'll do it together. Ready?"

She shook her head and he smirked.

"Yeah, you are."

He inhaled slowly, and though she desperately tried, she couldn't match her breathing to his. Short gasps were all she could manage and he lightly stroked his finger over her cheek.

"Hey," he said gently, waiting for her to look at him, "You can do this."

Again, her head shook and he cupped the side of her face with his calloused yet tender hand.

"Come back to me, Jen," he whispered.

He kissed her fingers lightly, and when she felt she was ready, she nodded, her eyes never leaving his. This time, her lungs allowed her to do as he asked, and after several minutes, Jenny had finally calmed enough to try speaking again.

"I'm s-sorry."

He frowned and she let her eyes fall to the floor.

"Why are you sorry?"

"For all of t-this."

He tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him and he kissed her cheek lightly.

"No. You don't have to apologise for anything. You didn't do anything wrong."

"How did they find out?" she moaned, her head falling forward onto his shoulder.

He wrapped her in his arms and sighed.

"I don't know. But it'll be okay. We can get through this."

She shook her head against his body and he pulled back, looking in her eyes seriously.

"We can," he repeated firmly, "You're so strong, and I'm not going to let this bastard win."

He pulled her back into his embrace, and as she breathed in the comforting scent of sawdust, bourbon, and coffee, Jenny allowed herself a small smile.

"Thank you, Jethro."

"Anytime, Jen."

* * *

Cynthia Sumner had worked in many places over the course of her adult life, but none of her bosses had ever treated her as well as Director Shepard. She'd always respected the older woman, and over the years, had even come to like her on a personal level. So when she entered the office and found her sitting behind her desk with her head on her arm, sleeping soundly, she frowned. She knew that the Director had been pulling a lot of all-night shifts, trying to prepare herself for the impending court case, and it saddened her to see the effect on her boss.

As much as she didn't want to, Cynthia slowly approached the desk, reaching out to touch her arm lightly.

"Director Shepard?"

Jenny shifted away from her touch and Cynthia frowned, trying again.

"Director Shepard?"

Opening her eyes slowly, Jenny blinked a few times and when she finally registered that there was someone standing in front of her, she sat up.

"Cynthia. What time is it?"

"It's 10:00AM. I'm sorry to wake you, ma'am, but you have about ten minutes before you have to be in MTAC."

Jenny nodded, running her hand through her hair and sighed.

"How bad do I look, Cynthia?"

"You look fine, ma'am. Really."

Nodding, Jenny made her way into the darkened MTAC room and as she looked up at the image on the screen, she had to force herself to concentrate. Her mind was a million miles away, dreading the upcoming court date, and more than anything, she wished she could just go home and hide until it was all over. Still, she had a job to do. The world didn't simply stop turning because she was having a breakdown.

* * *

It wasn't long before she found herself falling asleep again, and with a whispered curse at herself, she jerked awake. She had no idea what was going on with the op she was meant to be overseeing and she sighed, standing up.

"If anything needing immediate attention comes up, call my cell," she said quietly to the technician.

"Is everything okay, ma'am?"

She nodded, giving the young woman a small smile.

"Just can't focus right now."

Jenny left the room quickly and as she closed the door, she found herself face-to-face with the bluest eyes she'd ever seen. Eyes she would know anywhere.

"Jethro."

"Jenny."

"Did you need something?"

He held up a folder and she took it, her eyebrow raising in question.

"And this is?"

"Open it later," he answered mysteriously.

Frowning, she nodded and stepped around him. When he followed her, she fought the urge to roll her eyes and she entered her office as quickly as she possibly could. She grabbed her coat and as she switched off her computer, Gibbs frowned.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," she said simply.

"You okay?"

She gave him a tired smile, not wanting him to worry, and nodded.

"I just need to get some sleep that doesn't involve a desk, a chair, or a boat."

"Want some company?

Her glare made him smile and she laughed lightly.

"No, Jethro. I want to sleep. End of discussion. I'll see you later."

Gibbs watched her walk out the door and he wondered how long it would take before Jenny's curiosity overtook her and she opened the folder he'd given her.

* * *

As it turned out, it took longer than he had expected. True to her word, Jenny had gone home and climbed into her bed as soon as she'd changed out of her work attire. She slept deeper than she had in days, and though she knew it was a result of exhaustion, she was grateful for the rest. Glancing at her watch, she was surprised to find that nearly six hours had passed since she'd come home, and she buried herself further under her sheets.

Just as she was about to attempt sleeping again, she remembered the folder Gibbs had given her, and she frowned as she searched for where she had placed it. Her eyes lit up as they landed on her prize and when she opened it, a smile immediately came across her face.

Inside the folder were several pictures, taken the night of their impromptu Christmas "party", and Jenny couldn't stop smiling as she flipped through them. One of Tony and Ziva tossing food at each other made her laugh, as did McGee in the antlers Abby had finally succeeded in making him wear, and she paused as she came to one of her and Ducky. The caring expression on the doctor's face made her love him all the more, and she continued on.

Of course someone had snapped a photo of the kiss she and Gibbs had shared under the mistletoe. She honestly would have been disappointed if they hadn't. A few more candid shots were scattered throughout, but it was the last one that made her stop the longest. Ducky had to have been the one to take it, seeing as he'd been the only one around for the moment.

This one wasn't from the night of the party, but from the morning after. Gibbs and Jenny were standing in his kitchen, her arms around him, his own at her waist, just before he had kissed her. There was something in his eyes that she couldn't place, an emotion that she recognised, but couldn't quite name, and it was that expression that made her pause. Finally, it came to her and when she realised what it was, her eyes filled with tears.

Love. Pure, unapologetic, love was evident in every aspect of his body. From the way he held her, the smile on his face, to the look in his eyes as he stared down at her. Jenny stared at the picture for a few more moments before she set it down and pulled out her phone.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Thank you, Jethro."

"Took you long enough."

She laughed.

"If you must know, I've only just woken up. It was the first thing I did."

"You've been asleep this entire time?"

Jenny shrugged, though he couldn't see her.

"Is that a problem?"

"Yeah, Jen. It is. You're working yourself into the ground. You need to take care of yourself."

Jenny ran a hand through her tangled hair and sighed.

"I'm not a child."

"No, but you still need sleep."

There was a slight pause, but before she could speak, Gibbs had filled the silence again.

"I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm fine, Jethro. Really."

"Might've believed you if you hadn't kept going."

Jenny placed her head in her hands and when she spoke, her voice betrayed her exhaustion.

"Jethro, I know you think there's something to be concerned about, but your famous gut isn't always right. Now, I appreciate it, and thank you for the pictures, but I have to go. I need to shower."

"Night, Jen."

She frowned as she placed her phone on the table. She had fully expected him to argue with her about it, and if she was being honest, she had wanted him to. As much as she said she was okay, and as much as she claimed to hate his questioning, she secretly wanted him to call her out. She really wanted someone other than herself to recognise that she wasn't coping, that she needed help. She just didn't want to be required to spell it out for them. Was that really so much to ask?

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter will delve into the courtroom. Hope you enjoyed.**


	12. Unsteady

**A/N: Here, we dive into court. This is a very dialogue-heavy chapter, but I hope you can bear with me. Not a lot of physical action in courtrooms.**

* * *

It took Jenny nearly twenty minutes to understand that she was nervous. It wasn't a common emotion for her, and as such, it took her longer than she'd care to admit to recognise it. As she rifled through her closet for something appropriate to wear, she sighed and ran a hand through her damp hair. Her shower had been anything but relaxing as she'd hoped, and she frowned, pulling out a pair of black slacks.

"What are you doing, Jen?"

She turned at the sound of his voice and gave him a pointed look.

"What does it _look_ like I'm doing?" she snapped.

He shrugged, muttering under his breath.

"What?"

"I said, it looks like you're making a mess."

It was true. Almost every article of clothing in her closet had been dropped onto the floor of her room, and Jenny glared at him.

"I'm trying to find something to wear for court today."

Gibbs frowned, trying to determine if she was serious.

"Jen," he said cautiously, "you're the Director of a federal agency. Nearly _everything_ you own is acceptable for court."

He gestured to the current pair of slacks she held in her hands and looked at her once before speaking again.

"Wear those. It'll be fine."

"With what?"

He stared at her blankly.

"You're seriously asking _me_ for fashion advice, Jen?"

She fingered a deep purple blouse and frowned as she picked up the vest she always paired with it. Gibbs cleared a space on her bed and she laid it out, looking at it for a moment.

"Black or purple heels?"

"Black," he said without hesitation, "More professional."

She nodded, and went to grab them.

"For the record though, I like the purple better," he called to her.

"Very funny."

Finally, she returned and he stopped her steps with his hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him curiously and he met her gaze evenly.

"It's going to be fine. I know you're nervous, but you're going to do great."

She smiled at his words and raised up on her toes to kiss his cheek gently.

"Thanks."

As she dressed, he let his thoughts wander to what he would be doing while she was in court. He knew she wanted him there, but they both knew it was for the best if he wasn't. So he'd taken it upon himself to prepare a surprise for her to come home to after what was sure to be a stressful day.

Jenny stepped out of her bathroom, her hair now dry and she looked at him expectantly.

"Up or down?"

He frowned, confused and she lifted her hair from her shoulder.

"My hair," she clarified.

"Both. Half up, half down. Professional, but not overly frigid. That way the jury will see you as a woman, not just evidence."

She nodded, sweeping it back and pinning it with a clip that had been given to her by her father. It was a small yet meaningful way to give herself a bit more strength and she knew she would need it. Her makeup was subtle, no crimson lipstick this time, and she wore only minimal jewelry so as not to distract from the seriousness of the situation. The necklace she wore had been a gift from Gibbs in Paris and as she felt it warmth against her skin, she smiled.

"I have to go," she said gently, "Try not to destroy the agency while I'm gone."

He smirked.

"Nah, if I did that, I'd be stuck with you all the time."

"No one would survive," she said with mock seriousness.

He kissed her cheek lightly and walked down the stairs after her, seeing her safely to the security detail that awaited her. Just before the car door closed, he leaned down, his voice low in her ear.

"Make them remember who they're dealing with, Jen."

* * *

Struggling to keep herself from panicking, Jenny's shaking fingers closed around the necklace hanging from her throat and she glanced around the courtroom. She knew there were reporters inside, and she'd been hounded by the ones standing outside as she'd walked into the building, and frowned. She hated reporters almost as much as Gibbs despised lawyers.

"All rise. The Honourable Judge David Bishop presiding."

They all stood, and when given leave, they returned to their seats. Jenny refused to look to her left, knowing that Shawn Harrison was sat with his lawyers at the next table and she turned instead to her own lawyer, Daniel Way .

"Relax, Jenny. We've got this."

As opening arguments were made and a plea of "Not Guilty" was entered for Harrison, Jenny fought against the bile rising in her throat. She couldn't afford to lose control here. Not now. She jumped as her name was called and when Daniel nodded, she stood, making her way to the stand. Her legs felt as through they would give out at any moment and when she finally sat again, she was proud of herself for simply making it this far.

"Now, Director Shepard, could you please describe the events of the night in question in as much detail as you can?"

Jenny took a deep breath, and as her eyes scanned the courtroom, they landed on a familiar face near the back of the room. The doctor gave her a small nod, and she met his eyes, hoping he knew how much it meant to see him.

"I was walking to my car from the NCIS building after finishing my work for the night. I had gone for a run in the on-site gym, and I wasn't as aware of my surroundings as I should have been. A hand grabbed my wrist and spun me around. When I tried to pull away, I was pushed to the ground."

She paused, taking another deep breath. As much as she wanted to keep up a professional front, the incident was flashing through her mind, and when she glanced down, she noticed her hands were shaking.

"I...I tried to get away, I screamed, and he hit me. He told me that if I made another sound he would slit my throat. My wrists were pinned above my head and he pulled my clothing off. I kept trying to escape and his other hand grabbed me by the throat..."

Jenny stopped speaking, closing her eyes tightly and she tried to focus on breathing.

"What happened then, Director?"

Daniel's voice was gentle and she opened her eyes.

"Then he was...he was inside me. After...after he let go of me, I laid on the ground for a few minutes, trying to stop shaking. I got up, got in my car, and immediately contacted an agent at NCIS. A rape kit was performed by our medical examiner, and I was released."

Daniel nodded and Jenny found herself grateful for his understanding.

"Can you identify the man who raped you, Director Shepard?"

Jenny nodded, looking at Harrison for the first time that day.

"Yes. Shawn Harrison is the man who raped me."

"No further questions, Your Honour."

Judge Bishop nodded, and directed his attention to Harrison's lawyer.

"Your witness, Miller."

Jenny felt her heart pounding in her chest as Harrison's lawyer approached her. She'd never met Olivia Miller, but there was something in the woman's eyes that she didn't like.

"Director Shepard, how long have you worked for NCIS?"

"Eight years."

"And how many as Director?"

"Two."

Miller nodded.

"Being Director must come with pretty nice perks."

Jenny remained silent, unsure of where the woman was heading with her comment.

"You have a security detail and a driver, do you not?"

The redhead nodded.

"Yes."

"And where were they when you were supposedly attacked by my client."

"My driver was with my car. I hadn't made it that far yet. My security detail was walking the perimeter of the building."

"Is that standard practice? Leaving the Director of a federal agency alone at night where anything could happen?"

"No," Jenny said tightly, "We've recently had our regular guard accept a better job position, and as such, the agency is a bit short-handed. It has been remedied, believe me."

The woman nodded, a sickly sweet smile on her face and Jenny felt suddenly sick.

"Why did you not go to a hospital?"

"I didn't want to risk the press finding out about it before I pressed charges. As you can tell, that didn't work out quite well," Jenny quipped.

"And your medical examiner is equipped to perform a rape kit?"

"Doctor Mallard is more than qualified."

Jenny's voice was shaking with anger and she fought to keep herself from telling Miller off.

"And the agent you contacted?"

"Yes. He is more than qualified to handle it."

"What is your relationship to him? Why would you contact him instead of going to the police?"

Jenny frowned.

"You aren't familiar with what NCIS does, are you? We solve Naval crimes. I was raped on federal property, which makes it our jurisdiction."

In the back of the courtroom, Ducky smiled softly at Jenny's answer. She wasn't about to let anyone disrespect her agency and he felt a surge of pride.

"You still didn't answer the question. What is your relationship to this agent?"

"I don't see how that matters," Jenny snapped, "but since it's all you seem to care about, he's my best agent. I can trust him with my life without question."

"Hmm...so there's nothing personal about it?"

Jenny frowned. How in the world could this woman know about her relationship with Gibbs?

"Objection. The Director's personal life has no relevance to this case," Daniel spoke up.

"I'm simply trying to point out that perhaps Director Shepard doesn't make good choices. Such as allowing herself to be put in a position that could potentially cause harm to herself or others."

"Sustained. Keep your line of questioning to the case, Miller."

Jenny fought the urge to smirk and Miller continued.

"Why did you wait so long to file official charges, Director?"

"I wanted to be absolutely sure that we apprehended the correct person."

"I see. And how did my client supposedly get onto your Naval property?"

Now Jenny was silent and she frowned, thinking.

"I don't know," she admitted.

"No further questions. For now."

Jenny was dismissed, and as she sat back down, she mentally kicked herself. Daniel gave her a sympathetic look and she sighed.

"Don't worry. We've got all the evidence."

She nodded, trying not to feel as though she had royally messed up. Her head snapped up as Ducky was called to the witness stand, and as he passed her, he gave her a reassuring smile. Daniel stood up to question him and Jenny frowned.

"Doctor Mallard, please state your name and occupation."

"Certainly. Doctor Donald Mallard, Medical Examiner at NCIS, with a Master's degree in psychology."

"You performed the rape kit on Director Shepard, did you not?"

"Yes."

Daniel nodded, his eyes flickering to Jenny briefly.

"Could you describe her injuries of that night?"

"There were many. Her throat was severely bruised, as were her wrists, I found traces of latex on her skin from the condom used, and there was a large bruise under her eye. I believe the photos of her injuries are in the file."

"How would you describe her emotional state that evening?"

"She was quiet, withdrawn, non-verbal, and very shaken."

"Would you say that her behaviour and injuries were consistent with that of rape, Doctor?"

"Absolutely."

"No further questions."

Miller stood to take over questioning, and Jenny felt very sorry for the doctor in front of her.

"Doctor Mallard, did you take these pictures?"

"Some of them. A few were taken by Agent Gibbs."

Miller nodded, her eyes narrowing.

"Agent Gibbs was present for the rape kit?"

Ducky shook his head.

"No. He left the room."

"But he was the one who brought the Director to you?"

"Yes."

There was a slight smile on Miller's face, and Jenny suddenly knew what her next question would be.

"How would you describe Director Shepard's relationship with Agent Gibbs?"

Ducky frowned.

"I believe this has already been deemed non-relevant."

"So there is a relationship between them?"

"Director Shepard and Agent Gibbs have a complicated relationship. They have always remained professional in the office."

Jenny groaned inwardly, wondering if the doctor had realised his mistake.

"In the office?"

Miller had, apparently.

"What about outside the office?"

Ducky gave no outward sign that he was flustered and he gave the woman a stern look.

"I am not privy to all the details of their relationship. I am a medical examiner, not a counselor."

It wasn't an outright lie, and Jenny smiled at the doctor's ability to dodge the question.

"Doctor, is it possible that Director Shepard's injuries were the result of a night of rough sex and she was trying to cover up her actions to avoid a scandal?"

Ducky frowned, tilting his head in confusion.

"Absolutely not. There is video evidence of the rape, and I can assure you, this was not a consensual act."

"We'll get to the video later. For now, I'm asking whether or not Agent Gibbs and Director Shepard could have been trying to avoid the public finding out about their personal relationship."

The doctor shook his head firmly.

"No."

"Very well. No further questions."

Jenny sighed, pushing the heel of her hand against her forehead. This was going to be an absolute nightmare.

* * *

After they had been dismissed for the day, Jenny ran her hand through her hair and walked tiredly to her front door. She put the key in the lock and as she opened the large oak door, she frowned. She had the odd feeling that she wasn't alone, and her guard was immediately up. As she made her way into the study, she smiled softly at the bottle of champagne sitting on her desk and when she felt arms wrap around her waist from behind, she turned.

"What's this for? Who did you kill?"

Gibbs smirked.

"Cute, Jen. I didn't kill anyone. I just know you had a rough day, and I wanted to help."

She kissed him gently and gave him a smile.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

She walked over to the desk, picking up the bottle and examining it carefully.

"You don't drink champagne," she said with a laugh.

"Didn't buy it for me. Never cared much for it."

Carefully, she opened the bottle and poured it into the glass he had also provided. As she sipped it thoughtfully, he moved closer and kissed the top of her head. As her lips met his with the sweet taste of champagne on them, he smiled. Maybe champagne wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

"Director Shepard, you are aware that you're under oath and it is a crime to lie while on this stand, correct?"

Jenny frowned, looking at Miller more than a little puzzled.

"Yes. What are you talking about?"

"When asked about your relationship with Agent Gibbs, you stated that he was quote 'your best agent and you could trust him with your life', is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Why did you neglect to mention that you are also seeing him outside of work in an intimate capacity?"

"What?" Jenny's voice was weak, and her skin had paled considerably.

"A reporter for Channel Six news snapped this picture of Agent Gibbs leaving your house this morning."

Miller held up the picture, and Jenny's eyes widened slightly. There was no denying that it was him, and Jenny glared at the woman.

"How long have you been seeing Agent Gibbs personally?"

Jenny fought a smirk. _That_ was quite possibly the most difficult question she'd been asked so far. In truth, she wasn't sure how to answer.

"That's complicated."

"How so?"

Jenny gave her a smile, but anyone who knew her would have seen it for what it was: a challenge.

"I've worked with Agent Gibbs for three years. First as a member of his team, then as his superior. I can't quite put a timestamp on the exact date, though."

Daniel Way snorted into his water glass, and though Judge Bishop glared at him, nothing was said. He quite liked Jenny, admired her for all she had accomplished in her life, and her sass was just another reason to want her to win.

"When did you first sleep with him?"

"Objection. How is this relevant?"

"Again, Your Honour, I'm trying to prove that Director Shepard shows faulty judgment."

"Sustained. Move on, Miller."

"Very well. Let's get to the tape."

Olivia Miller pulled out the copy of the security footage from the night of Jenny's rape, and as it began to play, Jenny averted her eyes. She didn't think she could handle seeing it again. Especially not after what had happened to her the last time she'd watched it. As the tape cut off, Miller looked at Jenny with a glint in her eyes that made the redhead very uncomfortable.

"Isn't it possible that this tape shows Agent Gibbs attacking you, Director?"

"No. Absolutely not."

"No? Perhaps you had a fight at work and stormed out. He followed you, things got a little out of hand, and you decided to save your reputation by saying it was rape."

Jenny was beyond furious, but she miraculously kept from slapping the hell out of Harrison's lawyer.

"No. Agent Gibbs would never hurt me."

Miller smiled, but there was nothing reassuring about it.

"We've done some research on him. He's got quite the temper. Arguments with reporters, challenging authority, run-ins with local LEO's...are you sure there's no chance he wouldn't become violent after an argument?"

"Agent Gibbs would never hurt me," Jenny repeated firmly, her voice shaking in anger.

As soon as Jenny was dismissed from the witness stand, she rounded on Daniel.

"Did you know about the picture?" she hissed.

He nodded.

"She has to show me all the evidence she has, by law. Don't worry, once we bring in Ms. Sciuto, we've sealed this."

Jenny sighed, rubbing her temple slowly. At this rate, Gibbs would be blamed for the assassination of President Kennedy.

* * *

The light in Gibbs' basement was dim, just enough for him to work by, and as Jenny walked down the steps, she struggled to locate him.

"Jethro?"

"Here."

She glanced down, frowning as he moved from his position under the boat, and approached him slowly. He offered her a drink and she shook her head. Her hair was beginning to fall from the clip she'd placed it in, and he realised she was wearing the same clothes she'd worn to court.

"The court knows about us."

She sounded exhausted, and he wondered when she'd last slept. Her skin was ghostly white, save for the dark circles under her eyes, and even her lips were pale. He took a step closer and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"It'll be okay."

He gave her a light kiss and turned to his boat, picking up the sander. She watched him silently, and when his voice cut through the quiet, she jumped.

"Hand me the bourbon?"

She reached for it, and as she handed it to him, her hands were shaking so badly that it slipped from her grasp. She fumbled for it, but it was too fast. It shattered on the concrete and Jenny swore as she knelt down to pick it up.

"Careful."

He took the pieces of glass from her hands and knelt down in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

He shook his head and continued to pick up the pieces. Jenny could feel the bile rising in her throat and she reached for the empty bucket sitting on the floor. Gibbs watched her sadly as she threw up, and he ran his hand over her back soothingly. She coughed, trying to catch her breath and hot tears fell from her eyes. She retched again, and he frowned.

"Jesus, Jen."

Finally, she stopped, coughing roughly, and she pushed back her slightly damp hair.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"It's okay."

He finished cleaning up the glass and spilled liquor, pulling her closer to him.

"Hey, it's okay, Jen."

She shook her head, and pulled away from him.

"No, Jethro. It isn't. _I'm_ not. I can't handle this. It's too much."

"Jen—"

"Stop! Stop telling me that I'm okay. I'm not. This is killing me. I can't...Jethro, I don't know who I am anymore. I feel so out of control. I can't control what the media says about us, about _me_, I can't even control my own body anymore. Don't you see it?"

He was silent, unsure of how to answer.

"Or _do_ you see it...and just not care? You don't want to deal with it, so you pretend it isn't real?"

"That's crazy."

"Is it?" her voice was bordering on hysterical.

She stood, backing away from him and he made to follow her. Shaking her head, she stopped him, and her next words were so cold he couldn't believe she'd said them.

"I'm sorry that I'm not perfect like Shannon."

He frowned.

"What does she have to do with any of this?"

"Our entire relationship, you've compared me to her. You always have. You put her on a pedestal, perfect, untouchable. I'm sorry that I couldn't live up to her memory."

She began walking up the stairs, and if he hadn't known better, he would have said she was drunk. Before he could even think, he had run after her, grabbing her by the arm just as she reached his front hall.

"No, Jen. You can't leave like this."

"You can't stop me. Now, let go of me."

He shook his head, tightening his grip to prove his point. She glared at him, but he refused to release her.

"Jethro, let go."

"I'm not letting you leave until you and I have a talk."

"I don't _want_ to talk to you."

Jenny tried to maneuver out of his hand, but he was simply too strong. When she finally stopped trying, he looked down at her seriously.

"She hoarded silverware."

Jenny frowned.

"What?"

"Shannon. She would leave them in the bedroom, living room, wherever she was when she finished eating. She wouldn't put them in the sink until we were completely out of clean silverware."

When he was sure she wouldn't run, Gibbs released his hold on her arm. Jenny simply stared at him, her eyes filled with tears and when he spoke, his voice was hoarse.

"She wasn't perfect."

Jenny still said nothing, and he blinked.

"You were right about one thing. I compared you to Shannon at first. Then, after awhile, I stopped without even realising it. When you left, I compared every woman after to you. None of them could ever replace you. And I shouldn't have asked them to. Just like I shouldn't have compared you to her. It wasn't fair to you. Or Shannon. You both deserved better. I can't make the past right, but I can fix the present."

Jenny didn't think she'd ever heard Gibbs say so much at one time. She wasn't sure what to say, so she stayed silent.

"I didn't notice that things were so difficult for you. I should have. I've been so caught up in trying to find Harrison that I didn't see how much you were struggling. I'm sorry, Jen."

Her eyes widened at his apology and he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't leave."

She nodded, and as he reached out to brush her hair behind her ear, she smiled. His lips brushed against hers and he pulled her flush against him. She buried her head in his chest, taking comfort in his steady heartbeat.

* * *

"Ms. Sciuto, please tell us of your qualifications."

"I graduated with full honours from Louisiana State, with a triple major in sociology, criminology, and psychology. I have a master's degree in criminology and forensic science from Georgia State. I've been published in several articles for my work in the field."

Daniel Way nodded, giving Abby a small smile.

"Ms. Sciuto, could you please describe what you found on Director Shepard's coat from the night of her assault?"

"There were traces of DNA that didn't match Director Shepard on the fabric of her coat. When Shawn Harrison was arrested, a DNA sample was taken from him, and it was a positive match to the hair we removed from the coat. If you look closely at the video of the assault, you can see him lean in close to her, like he's talking to her, and that is the most likely time that the hair would have fallen onto her clothing."

"Thank you, Ms. Sciuto. No further questions."

Olivia Miller stood, approaching the Goth and Abby gave her a smile.

"Ms. Sciuto. Isn't is possible that Director Shepard could have come into contact with Shawn Harrison at another location? His place of employment, perhaps?"

Abby frowned.

"Well, yeah, but not closely enough to get his hair all over her coat."

"Was there any other DNA on the coat?"

"Director Shepard's."

"Anyone else?"

Abby shook her head.

"What about Agent Gibbs?"

"No. The only evidence we collected places Shawn Harrison at the scene, and proves he raped her."

"So Agent Gibbs couldn't have been the one on the tape?"

Vehemently, Abby shook her head.

"No. Gibbs...hurt the _Director_? Are you serious? He would never hurt her! Besides, look at the tape. His body type is nothing like Harrison's. It clearly isn't Gibbs."

"Isn't there a chance you're wrong?"

Abby started to protest, and stopped, her frown increasing. Of course there was the possibility, but she didn't particularly want to admit that. Still, she nodded.

"Yes, but the chances are less than .1 percent."

"Sounds like enough to me. No further questions."

Jenny swore in her head, cursing the day that Olivia Miller had ever decided to become a lawyer. She was beginning to understand Gibbs' hatred of them. As she glanced around the room, her eyes widened as they landed on the very man she'd just been thinking about, and she frowned. What in the world was he doing here?

"Your Honour, we'd like to call Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs to the stand."

Fuck. Jenny knew there was no way in hell that this was going to be a good thing. Fuck.

* * *

"Agent Gibbs, please describe your relationship with Director Shepard."

He glanced at Miller, a slightly amused look on his face.

"It sounds like you already know."

"How long was she your subordinate?"

"Thirteen months."

"And it was during this time that you first became intimate?"

"Something like that."

Jenny rolled her eyes and turned to Daniel.

"This is going to kill us."

"Nah. Once I get to him, they'll let it go. Gibbs is fine."

"Agent Gibbs, did you in any way influence Director Shepard's rise through the ranks, so to speak?"

"Nope," he replied, popping the "p", "By that time, she wasn't around anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"She left me. Came back six years later as Director. I had nothing to do with it."

Jenny cringed; the reminder that she had left him still stung.

"And now, Agent Gibbs?"

"Now, what? She's Director. I'm still where I was eight years ago."

Miller gave him a smile, but Gibbs saw the bait for what it was and refused to elaborate. If she wanted him to openly admit to their relationship, she would have to work much harder.

"Are you sleeping with Director Shepard, Agent Gibbs?"

Gibbs frowned.

"Not at the moment."

Daniel laughed, and Jenny heard more scattered laughter throughout the room. He was getting the jurors to like him, and she absolutely loved him for it.

"This isn't a game, Agent Gibbs. You don't like having to answer to your girlfriend, do you? So one night, you have an argument at work, she walks out, you follow, and things get rough."

Gibbs frowned. _Girlfriend_ wasn't the word he would use to describe Jenny. It sounded so...juvenile. Still, he had to focus on the situation at hand.

"No. I would never lay a hand on her."

"Never?"

"Not even if the fate of the world depended on it."

Jenny smiled at his words, touched by the depth of his feelings for her. Sighing, Miller seemed to realise that her line of questioning was getting her nowhere, and she gave him one last cold look.

"No further questions."

"Way, your witness."

Daniel nodded, standing quickly.

"Agent Gibbs, you were the one who brought Director Shepard in to be examined. How did that make you feel?"

"Angry. No one should ever have to go through something like that."

"You've dealt with rape cases in your line of work. Were her injuries consistent with those you've seen in the field?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Yes. All of her injuries coincided with rape."

"Thank you, Agent Gibbs. Nothing further."

* * *

"Mr. Harrison, how do you know Director Jenny Shepard?"

Harrison shrugged.

"I don't. She comes in to my work to get coffee and leaves. That's it. Never says much. Seemed nice enough."

"But you knew who she was. Knew where she worked."

Another shrug.

"Well, sure. Not many civilians come into the coffee shop. It's close to all the military bases, so we get a lot of people like that."

Jenny wanted to scream. How could he sit there and so nonchalantly lie as if nothing had happened? As if he'd done nothing wrong? She wanted to throw something at him, but she clenched her hand tightly in her lap.

"So, you saw her nearly every day?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, you don't _not_ notice a woman like her. Pretty, seemed nice, always left a tip."

Gibbs had taken his seat near the back of the room again, and as he listened to Harrison talk about Jenny as though he had never touched her, never held her down as she'd screamed...it made his blood boil. He wanted to smack the smirk off of the younger man's face and he sincerely hoped Way would get to his point soon.

"You're a decent looking man. Could probably have your pick of women. So what was it about Jenny Shepard that made you decide to assault her in a dark parking lot? Was it _because_ she was in a position of authority? Did you like the challenge of sneaking onto federal property? Did you enjoy the power it gave you when you held her down as she tried to get away from you?"

Suddenly, Gibbs knew what it was that Way was trying to do, and he smiled. They had him now.

"Did you like the way she screamed? Or was it simply because she was unattainable? This isn't the first time you've been arrested for rape. Seems to be a pattern here. You like the control."

"Well yeah, everyone likes control."

Beyond furious now, Gibbs stood and walked to the door as quickly as he could. Jenny saw the movement out of the corner of her eye, but didn't move. She couldn't make herself tear her eyes away from Harrison. He winked at her once, and Jenny's mouth fell open in shock as Daniel glared at him.

"No further questions."

* * *

The knock at her door caused Jenny to jump as she sat in her study, reading over a case report. She sighed, taking off her glasses and when she opened it, she smiled at the sight of Abby and Ziva.

"May we come in?" Ziva asked.

Jenny nodded, stepping back to allow them entrance. As they walked into her living room, Jenny turned to smile at them.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Well, we knew you'd probably be nervous about the verdict tomorrow, so we thought we'd drop by to distract you."

Abby pulled out a bottle of tequila and Jenny declined her offer, going to retrieve the decanter of bourbon from her study. Ziva accepted it, however, and as they began pouring shots, Jenny sipped her drink thoughtfully.

"So, Director...what is Gibbs like outside of work?"

"Same as he is at work. Stoic, brooding, quiet."

Abby laughed.

"Really?"

Jenny nodded, taking another drink. The sound of her front door opening made her tense, but at the sound of his voice, she relaxed.

"Jen?"

"In here," she called.

Gibbs' eyes widened at the sight of the women in her house and Jenny smiled.

"Hi, Gibbs!" Abby laughed.

"Abs. What are you guys doing here?"

"We came to keep the Director company."

Ziva turned to Abby and stood, grabbing the liquor they had brought.

"We should go."

Abby pouted.

"Okay. Sorry for barging in."

Jenny waved away her apology, giving her a warm smile.

"Don't be sorry, Abby."

Abby hugged her, and then she launched herself at the silver-haired agent.

"Don't let her worry too much."

Gibbs kissed her cheek as Ziva called a taxi to take them home, and Jenny walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her head rested on his shoulder and he kissed her hair gently.

"What are you doing here, Jethro?"

"Didn't want you to be alone tonight. Seems I wasn't the only one."

He brought his lips to hers, and she smiled against his mouth. He led her into the living room, sitting down in front of her fireplace, and as he pulled her into his arms, she smiled again. She'd thought that perhaps they'd enjoy a night of lovemaking, but apparently he had other plans. As he held her, he ran his hands through her hair, letting it slip through his fingers.

"What are we doing?"

"Dunno about you, but I'm just enjoying being with you, Jen. Just you and me tonight. No reporters, no lawyers, nothing else."

She relaxed against his chest and when he kissed the base of her throat lightly, she smiled.

"I love you, Jethro."

"I love you, Jen. No matter what happens tomorrow, that will never change."

As she drifted off to sleep, for the first time in months, Jenny slept deeply without dreaming.

* * *

**A/N: Just so there is no confusion, the trial takes place over several days. I hope this was clear. Hope you enjoyed!**


	13. Demolition Lovers

**A/N: It was brought to my attention that the last chapter had procedural errors regarding the courtroom scene. My apologies, I am not very familiar with the American legal system, and I do hope that it didn't detract from the story too much. I appreciate the feedback, however, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter. It's verdict time! Here we go!**

* * *

Jenny twisted her hands in her lap as she sat in the courtroom, trying to pretend that she wasn't nervous. Daniel Way noticed his client's unease and leaned closer, hoping to give her some measure of comfort.

"It's going to be fine, Jenny."

She glanced over at him, and nodded, though she didn't entirely believe him. More than anything, she wished Gibbs could have been present, but his team had gotten a case early that morning. As she waited, she pulled out her wallet, fingering the small slip of paper hidden behind the twenty dollars. She didn't dare take it out and read it, not here, but just knowing that it was in her hands calmed her slightly.

They rose and as Judge Bishop sat down in his chair, they all did the same. Turning to the foreman of the jury, he asked for their final decision, and Jenny held her breath. Standing, the foreman looked to the Judge and Jenny really wished he would hurry. She blinked, and though she could see the foreman's lips moving, the words came to her distorted and unclear.

Judge Bishop nodded in acceptance of the ruling, and Jenny frowned as Daniel turned to her, looking at her seriously.

"Jenny?"

"W-what did he say?"

Her voice was a whisper and hard to hear over the murmur of the court.

"We got him, Jenny. It's over."

He smiled at her and she frowned, still not sure she had heard him correctly.

"It's over?" she repeated weakly.

Daniel nodded and Jenny sat back in her seat. She couldn't believe it. After all the bad publicity surrounding the case, criticizing her relationship with Gibbs, calling her a liar, a slut, a whore...she had been sure the jury would rule in favour of Harrison. She'd been almost _positive_. She had never been so happy to be proven wrong in her life.

She realised that Daniel was waiting for her to speak, and she offered him a weak smile in apology. She held out her hand and he took it, smiling warmly at her.

"Thank you, Daniel. I couldn't have done this without you. For a lawyer, you're pretty great."

He smirked.

"For a politician, you're not so bad yourself."

"I'm not _technically_ a politician."

He shrugged, still smiling.

"Guilt by association."

As they filed out of the courtroom, Jenny caught sight of Ducky standing in the hallway, and she excused herself from Daniel for a moment. He wrapped her in a hug as soon as she was near enough and Jenny had to fight against the tears in her eyes.

"Congratulations, my dear. You did splendidly. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Ducky. For everything."

He kissed her cheek and Jenny smiled, walking back to Daniel.

"Are you ready for the reporters?"

Shaking her head, Jenny sighed.

"No, but there's no point in putting it off. I have a job to get back to. I've been away from my office long enough."

They neared her security detail and when they reached them, Agent Fredericks nodded his head.

"Ready, ma'am?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath. God, she hated reporters.

* * *

Jenny had been back in her office all of fifteen minutes when her intercom beeped and Cynthia's voice filled the room.

"Excuse me, Director. SecNav is on line one for you."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

She picked up her phone, already dreading the conversation, and sighed.

"Good afternoon, sir."

"Yes, I suppose it is a good afternoon for you. Congratulations, Jennifer."

"Thank you. Sir, I want to offer you my apologies. I know this case brought about a lot of bad press surrounding the agency, and I truly am sorry."

"Bad press is to be expected in cases like this. That is not, however, the reason for my call."

Jenny felt her heart race and she struggled to breathe.

"Sir?"

"I'm calling in regards to your relationship with Agent Gibbs."

Shit.

"There have been rumours surrounding the nature of your relationship for as long as I've known you, but I've always turned a blind eye to them due to your professional conduct. In light of recent events, I am no longer free to ignore such allegations."

Jenny had always known that this could potentially come back to haunt her, but she'd never really thought it would. Now, it seemed, she was wrong.

"Sir, are you firing me?"

"No, Jennifer. I am asking you to keep your personal life separate from the office. If you continue to conduct yourself in the manner you always have, I see no problems in the future."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Jenny ran her hand through her hair.

"Thank you, sir. It won't be a problem."

"I suspect you're right. Have a good day, Jennifer. You've earned it."

Thanking him again, Jenny hung up the phone and placed her head on her desk. Though it had been a positive outcome, the day had certainly been one of the most stressful of her life. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into her bed and sleep, but she still had work to do. Standing, she made her way to MTAC, hoping she wouldn't fall asleep in the darkened room.

* * *

Even as he searched his crime scene for evidence, Gibbs found his thoughts were on Jenny. He hadn't seen her before she'd left for court, and he was dying to know how things had played out.

"Boss, I think that's everything. We'll get it back to Abby and see what she finds."

Nodding once, Gibbs climbed back into the van and as soon as the doors had shut, he slammed his foot down on the pedal. Tony yelped in protest and McGee held onto the door tightly. Ziva was the only one who seemed unaffected, but considering her own driving, it wasn't surprising. They made it back to the Navy Yard in record time, and when they all but fell out of the vehicle, Tony and McGee looked to Ziva incredulously.

"He might have driven worse than you today, Ziva."

'He is in a hurry," she replied.

McGee frowned.

"Why? What's the rush?"

"The Director," she said simply.

It clicked, and Tony nodded.

"I forgot. The verdict was today, wasn't it? I hope they nailed the bastard to the wall."

McGee shook his head.

"Not likely. He probably won't get more than a few years."

"Way to be optimistic, McNegative."

A glare was all Tony received in response.

* * *

Gibbs made his way purposefully toward the stairs as soon as he stepped from the elevator. As he neared Cynthia's desk, the younger woman stopped him with a smile.

"She isn't in, Agent Gibbs."

"Where?"

"MTAC."

He nodded, turning on his heel and walking toward the doors again. Scanning himself into MTAC, Gibbs searched the darkness for his favourite redhead and when he finally found her, he smiled. She was looking over a report on her lap, glasses perched on her nose, and the look of concentration on her face was somehow strangely endearing to him.

He approached her slowly and as he sat down next to her, she turned, taking off her glasses.

"Your case?"

"Dead petty officer found in the Anacostia. Abby's running the evidence now. Body is with Ducky."

She nodded.

"What about yours?" he asked quietly.

She didn't answer at first, and he was suddenly very worried.

"We got him, Jethro."

The warmth in her voice made him relax and he smiled. He didn't care that they were in MTAC, didn't care that at any moment one of the technicians could glance up and see them. He leaned over and kissed her cheek gently, smirking when she whirled around to glare at him.

"Jethro!"

He stood up, leaning down to her and his breath was warm on her skin.

"I love you, Jen."

Before she could truly comprehend what had happened, he was gone, leaving her staring at the space he had occupied.

* * *

Hours later, as Gibbs walked down to his basement, he sighed, running a hand over his face tiredly. Jenny had stayed in MTAC for the remainder of the day, and he pulled out his phone to call her. Just as he was about to press the button, the light above his work table clicked on, and he frowned.

"Hello, Jethro."

He smiled, looking at her appreciatively. Her legs were crossed gracefully as she sat on his work stool, her skirt just a little too high, and he tilted his head in response.

"Was just about to call you," he answered, holding up his phone.

She smiled and he reached around her to the bottle of bourbon he had replaced.

"Drink?"

Nodding, Jenny watched as he poured the amber liquid into the mason jar and as he handed it to her, he frowned. Something was different about her, and her quietness was unnerving to him. It wasn't like her to be so silent, and it was making him uncomfortable. She took the drink from his hand and as she tipped it back, he caught sight of the necklace she wore.

He remembered it well. A teardrop emerald inlaid in silver hung from a delicate chain surrounded by diamonds and he had forgotten about it until he'd seen it glittering at her throat. He reached out to touch it and she smiled at his fingers on her skin.

"You kept it all these years?"

Jenny nodded and took another drink of her bourbon. He turned to his boat, picking up a level, and as he started to work, he could feel her watching him. Occasionally, he would steal a glance at her and when he noticed her staring into the depths of her glass, he frowned. She was looking at the liquid as if it held all the answers to the universe, and yet her eyes were distant, as though she were looking through it.

"Jen?"

She blinked, bringing her eyes to his, and he frowned.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, and he was suddenly very annoyed by her silence.

"Talk to me."

"You wouldn't understand," she whispered.

"Try me."

"I was in MTAC today, overseeing ops and holding conferences with my superiors. And none of them listened to me. That isn't really anything new, but what was new was the way they were looking at me. Nearly all of them are men, Jethro. And they all looked at me like there was something wrong with me. As if I was...tainted somehow. It made me feel disgusting. I felt so...useless. I don't like feeling that way."

He nodded and waited for her to continue.

"They treated me differently. As though I were unpredictable and unreliable. As though they were afraid to speak honestly. I felt so incompetent, and it's not a feeling I'm used to."

"You aren't incompetent, Jen. No one would ever use that word to describe you."

She laughed bitterly.

"Maybe, but that still didn't change the fact that they're reacting to me in a different way. This case, this trial...it's changed the way people see me."

He shook his head, looking at her seriously.

"It hasn't changed the way I see you."

She looked at him, her eyes so serious that it almost physically hurt him to look at them.

"Not like you to be so insecure, Jenny."

Having no response, Jenny simply shrugged, emptying her mason jar with one final drink. She shuddered as it hit her, and as she watched Gibbs work on his boat, she sighed softly.

"Jethro?"

He glanced over at her, and she hooked her finger at him, beckoning him to her.

"Come here."

Standing carefully, he brushed off the sawdust and made his way slowly over to her. When he reached her, her hands found his waist, pulling him closer and she crashed her lips into his. His fingers found the clip in her hair and pulled it free, letting her hair fall loose around her shoulders in fiery waves. His other hand trailed up her leg, pushing up the hem of her skirt, and she ran her hands up his chest.

Just as his lips found her throat, her head falling back, the sound of soft footsteps coming down the stairs, causing them both to jump apart. Ducky smiled as he stepped onto the last step and Jenny straightened her skirt, hoping he hadn't seen too much.

"Good evening, Jethro. Jennifer. I hope I'm not intruding."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not at all, Duck. What brings you by?"

"Well, I simply wanted to check on Jennifer. I had a feeling that she would be here."

Jenny blushed slightly at the doctor's words, and he gave her a smile.

"How are you, my dear?"

"I've been better, Ducky."

He frowned.

"My dear, you've just won your court case. I would think that you would be ecstatic."

"I'm very relieved, but things are complicated, Ducky."

Ducky nodded and gestured to the steps.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Glancing over at Gibbs, Jenny nodded. Ducky's eyes met that of his friend and the former marine nodded at him. If the doctor could help Jenny, he would more than welcome it.

* * *

"What's bothering you?"

Jenny sighed, giving the doctor a look of exhaustion that spoke volumes.

"My superiors are treating me like a pariah. They're acting like I can't be trusted."

Ducky nodded.

"This has been a difficult situation for everyone involved, and—"

"They weren't involved, Ducky! They weren't the ones who were forced to relive being violently raped in a parking lot. They didn't have to see it every time they closed their eyes at night to sleep. They don't have to live with the fact that a stranger was literally inside their bodies without their permission!"

Jenny closed her eyes, turning away from him, and he looked at her sadly.

"Oh, Jennifer...my dear Jennifer.." he reached for her hand, holding it gently, "I am so very sorry."

Jenny furiously wiped away the tears she felt on her face and pulled her other hand from Ducky's, standing abruptly.

"Ducky, I appreciate what you're trying to do. But I think I need to be alone right now."

She swept out of the room and after a moment of deliberating, the doctor stood and made his way back down to the basement. Perhaps Gibbs would be a bit of help.

* * *

"Where's Jen?"

"I'm afraid I've made a mess of things, Jethro. She's upstairs."

"What happened?"

Ducky sighed, sitting down on the stool Jenny had previously occupied.

"I said the wrong thing and upset her. She said she needed to be alone, but you might want to go up."

Gibbs frowned, setting his sander down and picking up his mason jar. He took a slow drink and looked at the doctor thoughtfully.

"How do I help?"

"Well, from what I could gather, Jennifer is feeling very insecure about her position. I tried tell her that it had been a stressful situation for everyone involved and she grew quite upset. Said that they hadn't been involved at all."

Gibbs nodded.

"I'll see what I can do."

"I'll show myself out. Good night, Jethro. Give Jennifer my sincerest apologies."

"Will do."

As his front door closed, Gibbs made his way upstairs, pausing in the doorway to his bedroom. Jenny was sitting on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands, and when she brushed her hair back angrily, he could see how badly she was shaking. He slowly approached her, not wanting to startle her, and when he stopped in front of her, he looked down sadly.

"You okay?"

She shook her head, her hair shielding her face from view.

"Ducky said to tell you that he's sorry. He didn't mean to upset you."

"He didn't. I was already upset."

He nodded, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"How can I help, Jen?"

She was silent for a moment, and when she spoke, her voice held a note of desperation he hadn't heard in quite awhile.

"Kiss me."

He immediately did as she asked, his lips meeting hers in a deep kiss, and her hands were at his waist in an instant. She pulled him closer and there was an urgency in her movements, as if she were afraid he would vanish at any moment. As his fingers found the buttons on her blouse, she paused, pulling away from him.

"Wait."

He frowned and she gestured to the lamp on the table.

"Turn off the light."

"Why?"

"Please, Jethro."

Nodding, he switched it off and in his mind, it clicked that something wasn't quite right with her. She had never cared about him seeing her body before, and he couldn't understand why it was so important to her now. He kissed her again and as his tongue swept into her mouth, he noticed another change. In addition to the smoky bourbon, she _tasted_ insecure.

He pushed her back onto the bed and when she immediately flipped them, he frowned. He could hardly see her in the darkness and as her lips found his throat, he gripped her hips tightly. He felt her hair as it swept over him and the sweet scent of her perfume surrounded him as she trailed her hands down his body.

"Jen..."

"Shh..."

Her tongue flicked against his ear and he jerked under her. Slowly, she moved down his chest, her hands pulling his shirt off and she pinned his hands above his head.

"No touching."

"You serious?"

She nodded, and he frowned.

"Come on, Jen. You really expect me to _not_ touch you?"

"What's the matter? Can't handle it?"

Her voice was low in his ear and he shivered. Damn. Her voice did things to him that shouldn't be legal. She pulled his jeans and boxers off together, and as her skirt joined them in the pile, she smirked. Lace underwear followed and as she carefully lowered herself onto him, his hand twitched. She noticed this and shook her head.

"Don't even think about it."

She moved slowly at first, her lips meeting his in a kiss that left his head spinning, and he gripped the sheets, his hands aching to touch her.

"Jen, this isn't fair."

Ignoring him, she continued to move, kissing his throat, sucking the skin between her teeth. He moaned and as she bit down gently on his shoulder, he cursed under his breath. Her hips rocked against his, faster now, and he knew he wouldn't last long.

"Jenny.."

"Hm?"

"Don't stop."

"Wasn't going to."

As his world exploded behind his closed eyes, he just barely had enough awareness to feel Jenny shatter above him. She whispered his name and as she collapsed against his chest, he kissed her hair lightly.

"Can I touch you now?"

She nodded and he wrapped his arms around her. She placed a breathless kiss to his chest and he smiled as she moved to lay next to him.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I used you, and I shouldn't have."

He frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought...I thought that by being with you...that way...I thought it would make me feel better."

"Didn't?"

She shook her head, raising up to look at his eyes, bright even in the darkness.

"That why you wouldn't let me touch you?"

Nodding, she reached out to touch his face gently.

"I thought maybe if I had complete control...I'm sorry, Jethro."

He shook his head, pulling her closer, and he smiled.

"Don't be."

Jenny was silent for a long time, and after awhile, Gibbs figured she had fallen asleep. He kissed her hair and she smiled.

"Believe it or not, Jenny, I understand what you're going through. When I lost Shannon and Kelly, I'd never felt more out of control in my life. Seemed like no matter what I did, nothing mattered anymore."

"What did you do to fix it?"

"I set smaller goals for myself. Finishing a project. Things I knew I could do."

She frowned, glancing up at him.

"What if even breathing seems like too much?"

He shifted her in his arms so that he could get a better look at her and reached out to touch her face gently.

"Jen, at the end of the day, even if all you did was breathe, that's enough. You survived. You proved that you're still in control. Even if the odds say you should have given up, you made the choice to be alive."

Jenny was silent as she considered his words and his quiet voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"I was wrong earlier. This case has changed the way I see you. I see you as so much stronger than you've ever been. You can take on anything, Jen. You can get through this. It won't always be easy, but I'll be there to help you if you let me."

"You really mean that?"

He nodded, kissing her softly.

"Every word."

* * *

As Gibbs and Jenny exited the elevator, Jenny could feel the eyes of her employees following her through the room. Their whispers were low enough that she couldn't hear the words, but she didn't need to. She knew they were whispering about her relationship with Gibbs. Now that they'd been outed, Jenny knew that the rumours would spread much more rapidly, but it still stung.

"How much you want to bet they've had sex on her desk?'

Jenny frowned. She didn't know who had spoken, but the words were clear enough. She stopped, turning on her heel and glared around the room.

"Does anyone have anything they wish to say to me directly?"

Nearly every set of eyes darted away from her, but Jenny knew the fight wasn't over. As she walked up the steps to the catwalk, she felt a specific pair of eyes on her and she turned. Gibbs met her gaze steadily, and at his encouraging nod, she smiled.. This was going to be interesting.

"I can't believe they're sleeping together. She's our boss."

"Wonder what she's like in bed."

"Hey! Can everyone shut up?" Tony DiNozzo's voice cut through the murmuring, loud and authoritative, "You all act like this is big news. Peterson, you bet me twenty dollars that they'd end up sleeping together by the end of her first month here. Johnson, you lost five to me when you bet me that he wouldn't bring her coffee after an all-nighter because he doesn't do things like that. Get over it! Director Shepard's done more for this agency in two years than Morrow did in five. And Gibbs has solved more cases than every other department in the building. They deserve to be happy and if they can find that together, it's none of our damn business!"

Though he didn't realise it, Tony's entire rant had been overheard by Director Shepard as she'd stood just inside the doorway to Cynthia's outer office. The smile that spread across her face was brilliant and she shook her head as she walked into her own office. Gibbs smacked the back of Tony's head lightly as he passed and gave him a glare.

"Get back to work, DiNozzo."

He jerked his head in the direction of the elevator and as the Senior Field Agent followed him, he frowned, hoping he wasn't about to regret standing up for his boss.

"Director wants to see you in her office," Gibbs said as soon as the doors closed.

"Boss, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that, but—"

"Don't apologise. Sign of weakness."

Tony nodded, his eyes on the floor.

"Besides, never apologise for doing the right thing."

As the doors opened, Tony stared at Gibbs for a few seconds before stepping off, wondering if the Director knew what had just taken place.

* * *

Knocking lightly, Tony waited until he heard Jenny grant him permission before entering, and as she gestured for him to sit, he frowned.

"You wanted to see me, ma'am?"

"That was quite a speech, Tony."

"You heard that?"

She nodded, smiling at the younger man.

"I did. And I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Yes. You've been nothing but supportive throughout this entire trial, both to myself and Gibbs, and I want you to know that I greatly appreciate it. You're a good agent, Tony. And an even better man."

Tony was unsure of how to respond to her words of praise, so he opted to stay silent. Jenny smiled at him as he started to leave, and her next words made him smile.

"Don't let Jethro push you around. I'll deal with him."

"Thank you, ma'am."

* * *

As Gibbs let himself in Jenny's house with her spare key, he frowned at the chaos of her living room. Her Christmas tree had been knocked over and shattered glass ornaments glittered on the floor. It took his eyes a few seconds to register her sitting in the middle of the destruction and when it finally clicked, he made his way carefully over to her.

"Jen? What happened?"

"He got two years, Jethro."

Gibbs frowned, looking down at her.

"What?"

"Harrison. He got two years. Daniel Way just called me."

"Okay," he replied cautiously, "so what happened to your tree?"

She smiled sadly.

"I may or may not have punched the tree."

Jenny held up her hand and he noticed the pieces of glass embedded in the pale skin. Tiny droplets of blood decorated her flesh and he sighed.

"I was taking it down anyway, and I just...it made me so angry."

"Jen...it'll be okay."

"Don't say that. You and I both know that he'll be out in less than a year. What if he comes after me?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"He won't. And if he does, I'll kill him. He's never going to hurt you again. I promise."

Gibbs gently lifted her from the wreckage of shattered glass and he was relieved to find that their ornament had been spared. She would have been devastated if it had been broken. As he led her into the kitchen to clean her hand, he couldn't stop his thoughts from racing. He hadn't been foolish enough to believe that Jenny would immediately heal from this, but her reaction still surprised him. It reminded him that they still had quite a long way to go before she was recovered. Still, he knew that though she would heal, she would never be the same. None of them would.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you like it. **

** Fun fact: Daniel Way (Jenny's lawyer) was based on Daniel Kaffe (from "A Few Good Men") and his last name comes from Gerard Way, lead singer of My Chemical Romance and writer of "Umbrella Academy". In case anyone was curious (you probably weren't, but oh well).**


	14. Cemetery Drive

**A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you had fun ringing it in however you chose! Here, we see our favourite couple navigating Jenny's lingering fear, depression and self-hatred and Ducky tries valiantly to help. Hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

The scream ripped from her throat as she jerked awake, her eyes wide in the darkness, and Jenny tried desperately to catch her breath. She blinked furiously, trying to remember where she was, and as her surroundings became clearer to her, she closed her eyes in exhaustion. As she fumbled for her phone, it dimly occurred to her that it was late, but she didn't care. As she listened to the ringing in her ear, she tried to keep herself from crying.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. I know it's late, and I'm sorry, but do you have anything that I could use to get some sleep?"

"I don't generally like to prescribe sleep aids without an examination, Jennifer, but—"

"Please, Ducky," she hated this, hated being reduced to begging, "I haven't gotten any decent sleep in a week. I'm desperate. Please."

He sighed, and she knew he was weighing the options in his mind.

"I suppose...just be careful, my dear. I'll be right over."

"Thank you," she whispered, no longer trying to stop her tears.

She wrapped herself more securely in her blankets, hating herself for wishing that she were instead in the arms of a certain former marine.

* * *

Ducky had barely removed his hand from Jenny's door before it flew open, revealing a very pale, very thin, very unstable Jenny. The doctor's eyes took in her disheveled appearance, her tangled hair, dark-rimmed eyes, and the way her clothing hung loosely on her body. She hugged him, uncharacteristic in its own right, and as he followed her inside, he was suddenly very concerned.

"Jennifer...if you don't mind my asking, why are you not staying with Jethro?"

She shrugged.

"He needs sleep, probably more than I do, and I can't take that away from him."

Ducky raised his eyebrow at her, not believing her for an instant, and she sighed.

"I don't want him to see me like this," she admitted.

He nodded and he gestured for her to sit. She did so, sinking down onto the couch and as he handed her the bottle of pills, his eyes were serious.

"I need to know that I can trust you, Jennifer. These pills can be dangerous, and I don't want anything to happen to you."

She nodded.

"I understand. I'm not going to...it won't be like last time."

Ducky looked at her, as if he were deciding whether or not to believe her, and finally he nodded.

"Don't make me regret this, Jennifer."

Jenny nodded, reading the instructions on the label and as she placed a pill in her mouth, she grimaced at the bitter taste.

"Thank you so much, Ducky."

"I trust that you'll want this kept between us?"

The redhead nodded.

"For now. I don't want Jethro to worry."

She stood, walking him to the door, and as he hugged her again, he kissed her cheek lightly.

"Get some sleep, Jennifer. I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Thank you."

Closing the door, Jenny sighed and made her way slowly up the stairs. She could already feel herself getting drowsy and as she crawled into her bed and pulled her blankets up, she silently thanked whatever deity existed for modern medicine.

* * *

Tony glanced up as he heard the raised voices of Director Shepard and Agent Gibbs from the catwalk and tried to pretend that he wasn't listening.

"You can't just barge in without a search warrant, Gibbs! Are you _trying_ to cost us this case?"

"Excuse me for trying to solve your case, Director."

"You still have to follow procedure! This is unacceptable."

McGee sighed, glancing at Tony and Ziva as they continued to argue.

"How many fights does this make?"

"I lost count," Tony admitted.

"Nine this week."

"Of course you didn't," the Senior Field Agent grumbled.

Ziva shrugged and kept typing her report, keeping her ears open for anything important.

"Agent Gibbs, my office. Now!"

Tony smirked.

"Guess the boss will be sleeping on the couch tonight."

* * *

As soon as the door of Jenny's office had shut, Gibbs gave her a smile. She didn't return it, and he suddenly knew that she was deadly serious.

"I messed up with procedure, but we caught the guy. Give me a break, Jen."

"I can't ignore this, Jethro. If I'm seen giving you any kind of leniency, it could be seen as favouritism."

"No one would do that."

Jenny glared at him and he backed away. He hadn't seen her this angry at him in awhile, and he wondered if he had gone too far.

"I'm giving you a written warning."

"Come on, Jenny!"

"I don't have a choice," she said, her voice betraying her exhaustion.

He nodded, knowing she was right, but annoyed regardless.

"I'll talk to Agent Lee in legal. See if I can fix this."

She smiled in appreciation and he walked around to stand behind her chair. He brought his hands to her shoulders, massaging gently, and she leaned back slightly.

"I still have to yell at you when you leave."

"Yeah. Make it good."

She nodded, standing up and his hands fell from her shoulders. He gave her a smirk as he walked to the door, and as it opened, she tried not to smile.

"You can't pick and choose what rules you follow, Agent Gibbs! Fix this, or I'll find someone who can!"

His expression was angry, but Jenny could see the laughter in his eyes. He walked down the steps and deliberately ignored all the stares of the employees in the bullpen.

"How'd it go, boss?"

The smack that Gibbs delivered to the back of DiNozzo's head was loud enough that Jenny heard it from where she stood.

* * *

Gibbs tossed back the last of his bourbon and briefly wondered what Jenny was doing. She'd insisted on staying at her own house for the past few nights and he was curious as to whether he'd done something wrong. He knew he'd screwed up at work today, but none of his work antics explained her avoidance of him. Still, he knew that if something was bothering her, Jenny likely needed to work it out on her own. Forcing his company on her wouldn't fix anything. He only hoped that she still trusted him enough to confide in him if she wanted to.

* * *

As she shook out a pill into her hand, Jenny glanced around her living room nervously. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was doing something wrong. True, she'd been taking the pills more frequently in the weeks since she'd gotten them from Ducky, but that was to be expected. Her nightmares had increased over the past week and she'd been desperate for sleep.

She'd been so busy at work that she hadn't seem much of Gibbs lately, and while she felt guilty about it, she knew it couldn't be helped. He had managed to fix his earlier mistake regarding his search warrant (how, she didn't want to know) and had been so busy himself that he likely hadn't minded. Or, at least, she hoped he hadn't minded.

Curling up on her couch, Jenny pulled her blanket around her and as she drifted off, she was dimly aware of footsteps on her front porch. Believing it to be a result of her over-tired mind, she simply shrugged, letting the warmth of her blanket lull her to sleep.

* * *

Glaring at her alarm as she opened her eyes, Jenny sighed as she swung her legs onto the floor. She hadn't planned on spending the entire night on her couch, but as long as she'd slept, she really didn't care where it happened. She walked up to her bedroom, trying to wake up, and set about getting dressed for her day.

She selected her outfit carefully, wanting to catch Gibbs' attention as she passed his desk in the morning, and smiled to herself. He had always loved her in green, so the deep emerald silk blouse would go well with the silver pinstriped slacks she'd selected. Fastening the necklace he'd given her, she began applying her makeup, wanting it to be both subtle yet noticeable.

Her heels were last, black suede and six inches high, and as she made her way to her front door, she found herself feeling more confident than she had in months. When she closed her door behind her, her eyes widened as she saw the red spray paint that covered the heavy oak. Embarrassment flooded her, and as she walked to her car, she was immensely thankful that her driver had enough sense not to comment.

* * *

When he walked into Jenny's office that morning, coffee in hand, Gibbs couldn't keep the smile from his face. They'd solved their latest case quickly, and he was feeling rather good about it. One look at the redhead changed his entire demeanour and he frowned as he noticed the pain in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and he walked closer, stopping just in front of her desk.

"Talk to me."

She sighed, not looking at him and when she finally raised emerald eyes to his, he was saddened to see the tears shining in them.

"Someone spray painted the word "whore" on my front door, Jethro," she said quietly.

"What?"

He was angry now, and she shook her head.

"I saw it this morning when I left."

Any confidence she had felt earlier in the day had long since vanished and Gibbs walked around the desk to look at her seriously.

"That's vandalism."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

Her words were harsh, but her voice lacked the conviction to make it sting. It suddenly struck him how pale she was and he frowned.

"Stay with me tonight."

"I'll be fine, Jethro."

He shook his head, eyes hard.

"Wasn't a suggestion."

She glanced up at him, and nodded. He pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hair.

"You look beautiful, Jenny."

"Wore it just to impress you," she quipped.

"I appreciate it. But it would look even better on the floor."

Jenny pulled back, glaring at him playfully, and he smiled. If it would make her smile, he would make inappropriate jokes all day long.

* * *

Though she knew Ducky had told her that the pills he'd given her could be dangerous, Jenny shook two into her hand as she watched Gibbs work on his boat. One pill had long since stopped working for her, and as she tossed back a bit of bourbon, she shuddered. Gibbs was watching her from his peripheral vision and he frowned as he watched her knock back the pills.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"What are those?"

She frowned, not sure what he meant.

"What are you talking about?"

He pointed with the sander in his hand.

"Those pills. What are they? Are you sick?"

Jenny's head shook and she gave him a reassuring smile.

"No. I'm not sick, Jethro. Ducky gave them to me."

Her evasiveness was beginning to make him angry and he tossed his sander to the ground.

"That doesn't explain what they are."

She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and stood. She placed her hand on his arm, smiling as she walked past.

"Jethro, it's nothing. I'm fine."

She made her way to the couch in the corner of his basement and as she fell asleep, Gibbs pulled out his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Duck. Got a question."

"Of course, Jethro. What is it?"

"You gave Jen pills? What are they for?"

The doctor sighed. He should have known that Gibbs would find out.

"They're sleeping pills. Jethro. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but Jennifer was very insistent. She didn't want to worry you."

"How many a night?"

"One."

Gibbs swore, looking over at the sleeping redhead.

"What's wrong?"

"She took two tonight."

Ducky frowned, thinking quickly.

"Well, two won't be enough to cause any permanent damage, but perhaps you should take the bottle just to be safe. Her body is likely building up an immunity to them and as a result, a higher dosage is needed to get the desired effect. I did warn her that they were dangerous."

Gibbs nodded, and walked over to where Jenny was sleeping. He sat down on the couch, running his hand over her hair and he sighed. He hoped she was getting some much needed sleep, but he was concerned by her methods.

"When did you give them to her?"

"About two weeks ago."

"Okay. Thanks, Ducky. I'll keep an eye on her."

"Good night, Jethro."

"Night."

Gibbs watched her sleep for a few moments after he had hung up and finally, he swept her into his arms. He carried her up the stairs and as he climbed into the bed next to her, he sighed. He only hoped it wasn't too late to help her.

* * *

The next night, as Jenny sipped her bourbon, she watched Gibbs work on his boat and admired the way his muscles moved as he sanded. He could feel her watching him and he raised his eyes to hers, offering her a smile.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Just thinking."

He frowned.

"In the morning, I'm going to fix your door."

"You don't have to do that."

He shrugged, looking at her over his shoulder.

"I know."

She was silent and as he sanded, a horrible thought occurred to him.

"Jen...you don't believe it, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your door."

She didn't answer, her eyes downcast, and he brushed off the sawdust as he approached her.

"You're not a whore, Jen," he told her seriously.

Though she knew he was telling her the truth, she couldn't bring herself to let it go. Her emotions had been in a turmoil over the past few weeks, and she'd be lying if she'd said she hadn't noticed. If she was being honest, she wanted to feel the pain. She would never tell Gibbs, but she felt as though she deserved it. She nodded at his words, and when she stood, he frowned.

"I'm going to try to sleep."

He nodded and she pulled her purse closer, looking for the bottle of pills. She frowned as she searched for it and when she couldn't find them, she looked over at the silver-haired agent.

"Where are they?"

Gibbs stayed silent and she glared at him, slamming her purse down on the table.

"Jethro, where are they?"

"You don't need them, Jen."

She shook her head angrily.

"You don't get to decide what I do or do not need."

"Try it for one night. Please. I don't want you to get hooked on them."

Jenny glared at him, pushing past as she walked toward the steps.

"Jenny—"

"I hate you," she spat as she disappeared up the stairs.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he entered his bedroom. Jenny was curled onto her side, as far away from his side of the bed as she could manage and the sheets were pulled tightly around her. He sat down next to her, and when he reached out to touch her shoulder, she jerked away.

"Don't touch me."

He should have known she'd still be awake. He nodded and laid down, wanting to hold her, but knowing she would never allow it. As he lingered in between wakefulness and sleep, he could have sworn he heard her crying.

* * *

Gibbs was woken from his sleep hours later as Jenny shot up from her position next to him. Her breathing was ragged and he reached out to touch her cautiously.

"Jenny?"

She blinked, looking at him with tear-filled eyes, and she rested her head on her knees. Miraculously, she didn't move when he touched her, and as he cradled her against his chest, he placed feather-light kisses to her hair.

"Shh...it was just a dream. You're safe. I promise."

Jenny's tears soaked into his shirt and her grip on the fabric was so tight that her fingers hurt.

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

He shook his head.

"No, Jen. I'm sorry. This is my fault."

She raised up to look at him and he gently brushed away the tears as they fell from her eyes.

"Is this why you haven't been staying with me?"

She nodded.

"I didn't want you to see me this way," she said, her voice breaking. "It's over. He's in jail, why am I still such a mess?"

Gibbs held her as tightly as he dared, placing light kisses over her skin as she sobbed, and he brushed her hair back from her face.

"There's no time frame for this. You can take as long as you need to heal. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to judge you if you need to break down."

"I feel so fucking weak, Jethro. I can't stand it."

Jenny moved out of his embrace and angrily pushed her hair out of her face. She stood, grabbing her clothes as she moved, and Gibbs frowned.

"Jen, what are you doing?"

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I can't do this. I love you."

Kissing him once, she held onto him as though her life depended on it, and when she ran from the room, Gibbs was so stunned he couldn't move. There had been a finality to her kiss that he hadn't liked and it wasn't until he heard his front door close that it truly hit him that she was gone.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he dialed Jenny's number for the fifth time that night, and when it went to voicemail again, he swore. He'd already driven to her house, only to find her car gone and as he paced in his basement, he had another idea.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, Gibbs. Have you heard from Jenny tonight?"

"No, I haven't. It's after three in the morning, Jethro. Is something wrong?"

"She had a nightmare after she fell asleep. When she woke up, she was really upset and she ran. It's been an hour. I've called, went by her house...I can't find her. Thought maybe she would come to you."

"I'm sorry, Jethro. If I hear from her, I'll let you know."

Thanking him, Gibbs hung up and sighed. He had to be at work in three hours and he knew there was no way he would ever get back to sleep, so he decided to pick up his sander. He hoped, wherever she was, Jenny was safe. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

Jenny furiously wiped the tears from her eyes as she drove, not even sure where she was going. When she finally stopped, she was surprised to discover that she had unconsciously driven to the cemetery. She got out of the car, stumbling to the one person she thought could help her, and as she collapsed on the ground, her breathing became more ragged.

The cold marble of her father's headstone gleamed in the moonlight, and she reached out to touch it gently.

"Hi, Daddy," she whispered, "it's Jenny. I know I haven't been by in awhile, but I really needed to talk to you."

Pausing, she traced her fingers gently over the letters of her father's name, wishing she could see him one last time.

"This has been such a difficult three months. I—I was raped...and I'm still not dealing with it very well. I told you years ago about Jethro, Daddy. Remember? I wish you could have met him. You would have liked him. He's been amazing, helping me through everything. But...I'm still a mess. I'm so scared all the time...I really need you, Daddy."

She leaned forward, kissing the stone gently and stood, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"I love you so much, Dad."

* * *

As soon as he walked into work the next morning, Gibbs made his way up to Jenny's office. He passed Cynthia, ignoring her protests and as his eyes scanned the room, he frowned. He walked back out to Cynthia's desk, his eyes narrowing at her.

"Where is she?"

"I tried to tell you, sir. The Director didn't come in to work today."

His frown intensified as he looked at the younger girl.

"Did she say why?"

"No. She just asked me to cancel her meetings for the day."

Nodding, he pulled out his phone as he walked away, dialing furiously.

"Jen, where the hell are you?"

As he stepped into the elevator, he pressed the button for autopsy, and as it stopped between floors, the doctor in question joined him. Flipping the emergency switch, Gibbs looked at him and Ducky frowned.

"Any luck?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"She's not here."

"That's very unlike Jennifer."

Gibbs rolled his eyes.

"She's a damn pro at walking away from me, Duck."

Ducky looked at him in shock and sighed.

"Jethro, she's not walking away from _you_. She's scared and she's exhausted. She's running because she doesn't know what to do. This has been a terrifying ordeal for her."

Gibbs frowned and nodded, considering the doctor's words. He flipped the switch, and they began moving again. He pulled out his phone again, listening as Jenny's phone rang, praying she would answer. He sighed as her voicemail picked up once more.

"Jen, I just want to know you're safe. Call me. Love you."

Ducky gave him an encouraging smile as he stepped off the elevator and Gibbs frowned as he made his way back to his desk. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Flipping the switch to turn on his light in the basement, Gibbs sighed. He'd been expecting to see his redheaded lover lounging gracefully on the work stool as he'd walked down the steps, but it appeared he had no such luck. She must have eventually turned off her phone because his calls had started immediately going to her voicemail. Either that, or it had died, but it wasn't like Jenny to allow her phone battery to die. Then again, this entire situation was so unlike Jenny that he didn't know what to expect anymore.

He blew into a mason jar quickly and poured a large measure of bourbon into it, drinking deeply. Jenny being so unexpectedly gone again had really thrown him, and he sighed as he downed the bourbon in the jar. His phone rang and he rolled his eyes, not in the mood to talk to anyone. He decided to let it ring and when his voicemail icon blinked, he groaned.

He picked it up, and poured more bourbon into the jar. He listened to the voicemail, nearly dropping his phone as Jenny's voice filled his ear.

"Jethro, I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know how you feel about apologies, but you deserve one. I love you."

He immediately called her back, and when her soft voice floated down the line, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Jen. Where are you? Are you safe?"

"I'm okay, Jethro. I know you're probably really angry with me, but I—"

"Come home, Jen."

There was a pause and when she spoke, he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'll be right there."

* * *

Her heels clicked on the floor above his head and Gibbs deliberately didn't turn around. As she walked down the steps, he kept sanding his boat and she stopped behind him.

"Jethro?"

"Jenny."

He waited, selfishly wanting to make her nervous, and when he didn't turn around, she sighed.

"I shouldn't have run."

"You did."

"I know. It was stupid of me. I couldn't stand the thought of you seeing me break down. I don't like being this weak. I don't want you to be burdened by me."

He finally looked at her, and frowned as he took in her appearance. To put it bluntly, she looked like hell.

"Jesus, Jen."

He walked over to her and raised his hand, smacking the back of her head. She smiled nervously and he smirked at her.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I don't hate you."

He nodded and leaned down to brush his lips over hers gently. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, and when the need for air became too great, they finally broke apart.

"I love you," she whispered breathlessly.

"I love you too. And if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll chain you to DiNozzo for a month."

She nodded, kissing him again. He could smell the combination of rain and perfume as he held her, and when he brushed her hair back, he frowned.

"Where the hell were you, Jen?"

She looked away, her eyes trained on the floor, and finally she sighed.

"I went to see my dad."

He was properly confused for a moment, and suddenly it clicked.

"Would you like me to go with you next time?"

She nodded.

"I think he would've liked you."

Gibbs held out his hand and when she took it, he pulled her towards the steps.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

* * *

Jenny frowned as he brought his truck to a stop and when he helped her down onto the soft grass, her confused only grew. She'd just left the cemetery a few hours ago, and she couldn't understand why he would have brought her back. As he took a different path, she suddenly understood and knew without a doubt where he was leading her.

They stopped in front of two marble stones and Jenny felt her eyes fill with tears as she read the names on the markers.

"Hey, Shannon. Hi, Kelly."

His voice was soft, the low tone that was universally reserved for cemeteries, and he knelt down, his fingers brushing the stones lightly.

"I brought someone to meet you."

Jenny knelt next to him, placing one hand on his shoulder, the other on the headstone of his wife.

"This is Jenny. Don't let her prettiness fool you, she's a force to be reckoned with. You would have loved her, Shannon. Sometimes, she reminds me of you."

Jenny was crying freely now, and she suspected Gibbs was holding back tears of his own.

"Kelly, I wish you could meet her. You'd have a lot in common. She loves to play the piano, too. I bet she could have taught you so many things."

Placing her hand over her mouth, Jenny tried to keep from sobbing. Hearing him talk to his wife and daughter was so heartbreakingly beautiful, and it was almost more than she could handle. He looked up at her, and nodded toward the stone. She understood and moved closer, her words soft in the night.

"Hi, Shannon. I really wish I could have met you. Jethro doesn't talk much about his past, but I know he loved you so much. Kelly...you were so beautiful, and your daddy loved you more than anything else in the world. He misses you both so much."

"I love you guys. I miss you."

Gibbs placed light kisses on their headstones, much as Jenny had done earlier with her father, and as he walked away, Jenny smiled.

"I'll do my best to take care of him, Shannon."

He was waiting for her a few steps away and she took his hand, leading him in the opposite direction. He'd given her a tremendous gift by bringing her here, and as she approached her father's grave for the second time that day, she smiled at him.

"Daddy, it's Jenny. This is Jethro. I told you that you would have liked him. His wife Shannon and daughter Kelly are pretty close to you. I don't know where you are, I don't know if I even believe in an afterlife, but wherever you are, if you see them, tell them I said hello. And tell them that Jethro loves them and thinks of them every day."

Gibbs gave a salute to the Colonel's headstone and Jenny laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I never had the chance to meet you sir, but I love your daughter very much and I'm going to be there for her as long as she'll let me. You and I both know how stubborn Jenny can be. Thank you for all you did."

As they turned and left the cemetery, Jenny looked up at Gibbs with a slightly amused expression on her face.

"You know, we probably looked pretty stupid to anyone who saw us. Talking to stones like lunatics."

He laughed.

"We are lunatics, Jen. Only two people as crazy as us would be here at midnight without coats."

Glancing down at herself, Jenny realised he was right. It was a testament to her emotional state that she hadn't even felt the cold winter air biting at her skin. She knew Gibbs was nearly always warm, but even he was shivering as he started his truck again.

"We're quite the pair, aren't we, Jethro?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way, Jen."

He kissed her as he put the truck in gear and as he drove them back to his house, Jenny wondered if they had just wasted their time, or if there was some chance that Shannon, Kelly, and her father had heard them. Maybe, if there was an afterlife, they would find out someday. For now, she was content to go home and spend the night in the arms of the man she had come to love more than life itself.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you liked, what you didn't, etc. I'm always trying to improve my writing, and your reviews keep me going!**


	15. The Sharpest Lives

**A/N: Hopefully, my updates will be more frequent. I'm currently on vacation for the next nine days, so we'll see. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Sometimes, they argued to relieve tension. Sometimes, they argued to keep up appearances at work. Sometimes, they argued as a form of foreplay. Other times, like now, they argued because they were trying to hurt each other. Jenny couldn't even remember what had started the argument, but by this point, she really couldn't have cared less.

"Most people actually communicate when they have a problem with things, Jethro! Hiding behind a glare isn't fixing anything!"

"Real nice, Jenny. You're a fine one to talk! You've been pushing everyone away for months! You ran out on me two nights ago because you couldn't _communicate_!"

Jenny's eyes flashed and she whipped around to face him angrily.

"That was different. I left because I was trying not to be a burden to you."

"You don't get to make that decision, Jen! If I thought you were a burden, I would have said something!"

"Would you?" she asked incredulously, "Because all you ever do is drink bourbon and work on your damn boat!"

"You didn't seem to mind when you were the one drinking and avoiding me!"

"That isn't fair, Jethro."

"How can you expect me to help you through anything if you won't talk to me?"

She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"You damn hypocrite. You never talk to anyone about _anything_. You always shut everyone out! Would you have talked to Shannon?"

Gibbs glared at her and her own emerald eyes matched his fury.

"I think maybe you should leave."

Jenny blinked, not expecting his quiet tone.

"Rather than work this out, you're asking me to leave?"

He shook his head.

"Not asking. Leave, Jen."

Gibbs was more furious than he'd ever been with her. He'd never hit a woman in anger before, and he wasn't going to make Jenny the first. She nodded once, grabbing her purse, and as she walked up his basement steps, she didn't look back.

* * *

As she walked up to her front door, Jenny let a steady stream of curses fall from her lips as she looked at the heavy oak. Though Gibbs had made good on his promise to fix the profanity covering it, it seemed that whoever was behind it showed little sign of stopping. The words "lying slut" gleamed at her in bright red spray paint, and she ran her hand through her hair angrily.

"Son of a _bitch_."

Opening the door, Jenny dropped her purse on the floor and kicked her heels off as quickly as she could. She made her way into her study, searching for the bottle of rum she had by her desk, needing a liquor that wouldn't make her think of him. Downing it in one, she shuddered and walked to her living room, bringing the bottle with her.

Jenny knew she should probably slow down, but the need to forget was stronger than logic. She held her breath, drinking as much as she could at once, and when she finally stopped, she found that even staying upright was a struggle. Just as she sank down onto her couch, the sound of glass shattering made her jump, and as she tried to locate the source, she frowned.

A large rock was in the middle of her living room, and a piece of paper was attached to it with a rubber band. Unfolding it, Jenny felt angry tears welling up in her eyes and she let it fall from her hand.

_Bitch_

Placing her head in her hands, she pulled out her phone. Maybe she could call Gibbs and—wait. They'd had an argument. Calling him wasn't an option. Sighing, Jenny pocketed her phone again, and as she eyed the words scrawled on the paper, she took another drink. Raising her hand, Jenny suddenly brought it to the back of her own head, and while it didn't have quite the same effect as Gibbs' slap, it was enough.

"Get it together, Shepard."

* * *

Jenny had been gone from his house for just over an hour, and Gibbs was already regretting their argument. He hadn't meant to lose his temper, and though he'd been angry, he knew he shouldn't have used her trauma against her. Still, he knew she would need time to calm down, and if he were honest, he was still pretty angry. She might have been right with what she'd said, but he had never liked having his flaws called out. It was simpler to be angry at her.

He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, but he decided not to let it bother him. Figuring it was just his unease at fighting with Jenny, he tossed back another mason jar of bourbon and picked up his sander. Dwelling on their words wouldn't change them. Now, if only he could just forget the pain and anger in her eyes as she'd left.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. Are you busy?"

"Not particularly. How can I help you?"

Jenny sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"Do you have any more of those sleeping pills?"

The doctor frowned, doing some quick calculations.

"You're out already? That's not healthy, my dear."

"No, I...I left them at Jethro's. I'm not staying with him."

"Couldn't you go back and collect them?"

"No," Jenny said quietly, "He told me to leave. Guess he's tired of dealing with me."

Ducky drew in a sharp breath and sighed.

"He told you to leave?"

"Yes."

The pain in her voice was unmistakable, and he thought he could detect the hint of a slur.

"Jennifer, I can't give you anything if you've been drinking. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Ducky."

To him, it sounded anything but okay, yet before he could answer, Jenny had hung up. She stood up slowly, her vision spinning and as she made her way up to her bedroom, she wondered how on earth she had messed up her life so quickly.

* * *

Though he had tried to forget about their argument, Gibbs had thought of little else since his redheaded boss/lover had left his house the previous night. He deliberately didn't look up at the catwalk all day, not wanting to be caught searching for her, but as she passed him late that evening, he finally allowed himself a glance. Her eyes were downcast as she walked, pointedly ignoring everyone, and her hand held a cup of coffee as though her very life depended on it.

As he watched, Cynthia attempted to speak with her, but Jenny deflected it, nodding only once and hardly sparing her even a look. The younger woman frowned, and as the redhead closed her office door, she shook her head.

"Everything okay, boss?"

Gibbs glared at Tony, who immediately clamped his mouth shut. He returned to his report, pretending like he didn't notice the older man's icy demeanour. Deciding that he would rather be in the company of someone who wouldn't gossip, Gibbs stood and made his way to the elevator. As he pressed the button for autopsy, he cursed himself for still wondering if Jenny was okay. If she wanted to be stubborn and not speak to him, he certainly wasn't going to stop her.

* * *

"Jethro, I was just about to leave. Has something come up?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"No. Just needed to leave before I strangled DiNozzo."

Ducky nodded understandingly. They stood in silence for a few moments before the older man sighed.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Your fight with Jennifer."

Gibbs frowned.

"How'd you know about that?"

"Jennifer called me to ask about sleeping pills. Said she left them at your house after an argument."

He said nothing, but raised his eyebrow in question. He hadn't known Jenny was still taking the pills, and it only served to make him angrier. Rather than answer, he turned on his heel and left the doctor standing alone in the cold room, wondering what he had said.

* * *

Looking at the shattered glass of her front window, Jenny sighed and tried to ignore the feeling of shame that accompanied it. As she walked the last few remaining steps to her door, she saw a shadow pass through her living room. Her guard was immediately up, and she frowned, thinking. Noemi was visiting her family out of state, Gibbs was currently not speaking to her, and no one else had any reason to be in her house.

She pulled out her phone, no longer caring about their fight, and as she waited to hear the familiar answer, she felt around in her purse for the knife she always carried.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Where are you?"

"At my house. Problem with that?"

She could tell by his tone that he was still angry.

"Jethro, argue with me later. There's someone in my house."

"What?"

"Did I stutter?" she whispered urgently, "I need backup. You willing to put this fight on hold or not?"

"I got your six. Be right there."

As she waited for him to arrive, Jenny crept along the front of the house, kneeling under the front window. She could detect movement inside, but it was too dark for her to really get any kind of identification. To her credit, she didn't so much as flinch when she heard Gibbs come up behind her, and he eyed the knife in her hand with approval.

His own weapon was drawn and at her signal, he opened the front door swiftly, hoping to catch the intruder by surprise. Jenny cleared the kitchen and as Gibbs did the same with her bedroom, loud footsteps thundered down the hallway and to the door. She ran towards the sound, but it was too late. By the time she'd made it to the door, the only sign of their intruder was a rapidly disappearing shadow.

"You okay?"

Gibbs' voice was soft, but loud in the quiet. Jenny nodded and he glanced at her window curiously.

"There's how he got in."

Jenny shook her head.

"That happened a few days ago."

"Punch a hole through it?"

"No," she said darkly, "A rock was thrown through it with a note."

"A rock?"

She nodded, gesturing to where it still sat on her coffee table. He walked over, picking it up, and as he read the word, he frowned.

"When?"

"The night we fought."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You weren't speaking to me," she snapped.

"This is serious, Jen! Someone's threatening you."

Jenny shrugged. He didn't understand how she could be so calm about being threatened, but then again, as Director she was probably accustomed to it.

"You could have called."

She still hadn't looked at him and it was making him uncomfortable.

"Are you gonna answer me?"

"Depends," she said sarcastically, "Are you going to pick apart my answer?"

He sighed, shaking his head. Why did she have to be so damn stubborn? She was walking away from him now, making her way to the couch and as she sat down, he finally looked at her seriously.

"Nice blade," he commented.

"Rule 9. Never go anywhere without your knife," she quoted softly.

He smirked, amused that she still followed his rules even though he was no longer her boss. She looked tired, he noticed, and he suddenly remembered Ducky telling him that she hadn't been sleeping. He didn't know if he should sit near her, but he approached her nonetheless, glancing down at her.

"Can I sit?"

She nodded, and he sat on the edge of her couch. He made no move to touch her or get closer, but she found comfort in his presence even still.

"Are you staying here tonight?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I? I'm not running away from this."

"You could stay with me," he offered softly.

She looked at him.

"No, I can't."

His forgotten anger flared up again and he glared at her.

"So, that's it? You're just going to leave? Again?"

Jenny raised her eyes to his and he was taken aback by the pure fury he saw there.

"Don't" she hissed, "You _told_ me to leave. I was the one who wanted to work this out, but you told me to leave."

She had a valid point. Still, he had to try.

"I was angry. Didn't want to do something I'd regret."

Nodding, Jenny walked past him and into her study. Her eyes widened when they finally registered the destruction of the room, and she frowned. Papers covered nearly every surface and when she saw the folder of pictures on the floor, she knelt to pick them up. They'd been absolutely destroyed beyond repair. The group photos of Abby, McGee, Ziva, and Tony had been torn to shreds and the picture of her and Gibbs under the mistletoe now had the word "slut" scrawled across it in hasty handwriting. The photo of them in the kitchen was ruined in a similar fashion, but she didn't bother to read the word written there.

She felt rather than heard Gibbs walk up behind her, and when he knelt next to her on the floor, he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I'll replace them, Jen. I still have the originals," he said softly.

"That isn't the point," she snapped angrily, "Why would someone do this?"

He moved his hand to her hair, running over it in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. Considering her previous anger with him, he fully expected her to brush him off. When she didn't, he kept his fingers tangled in the silken strands.

"Someone's trying to scare you. To upset you and get under your skin."

Jenny nodded, running her fingers over the picture she held tightly in her hand.

"It's working," she said softly.

Gibbs kissed her hair gently and stood, holding out his hand to help her up. She took it and sighed, looking around the room sadly. He hated seeing her this way, hated knowing that he had caused her even more pain with their argument, and he watched her carefully, prepared to catch her if she fell.

"The offer still stands."

Glancing at him, Jenny nodded and in the instant that their eyes met, he knew she'd made her decision. He guided her to the door and as she grabbed her coat, he was surprised to hear a small laugh fall from her lips.

"Guess locking the door would be pointless, huh?"

He smirked, knowing she would do it anyway, and as she climbed into his truck, he leaned over to kiss her cheek.

"Don't worry. We'll figure this out."

* * *

Hours later, as he sanded his boat, Jenny sat on the work bench, quietly drinking a cup of coffee and watching him. He'd found her request for coffee odd given the late hour, but he soon came to understand that she didn't want to sleep. Knowing that a stranger had vandalised her house, both inside and out, had thrown her off and he knew she would likely have nightmares again.

"You've never given me a straight answer, Jethro."

Her voice was low in the dim light and he turned, frowning.

"How do you plan on getting this boat out of here?"

He laughed quietly, shaking his head and gave her a smile.

"Takes all the mystery out of it, Jen."

She smiled into her cup and inhaled deeply, the rich aroma of the coffee calming her. His shadow fell over her as he stood and crossed the room, and when she opened her eyes, they were instantly met with bright blue.

"You okay?"

Jenny didn't think. She set her cup down and her hands immediately went to his shirt, pulling him to her. As her lips crashed against his, he found himself at a loss of what to do with his hands. One of them held his weight as he braced himself on the table behind her, and the other found her hair, marveling at its softness. He pulled away after a moment and she frowned.

"Jen...wait."

She shook her head.

"I can't. I need to forget. _Please_, Jethro."

He'd heard her beg before, mainly because he'd forced her into it during foreplay, but he'd never heard it earnestly. Never like this. The pain and desperation in her voice was almost too much for him to handle, and he nodded, kissing her again. He wasn't sure if it was really the right thing to do, but he knew if he turned her away now, she'd never forgive him.

His kiss was gentle at first and as she held him tighter, it became clear that she didn't want it slow or easy tonight. Her hands tangled in his hair and as she kissed him again, he could taste her urgency. Again, he pulled away, looking at her seriously, puzzled by this turn of events.

"Jenny—"

"Don't. I want this to hurt. I need to feel _something_."

She stood from the chair, pushing him back against the shell of his boat, and when he turned them so that she was pinned beneath him, he was instantly concerned. He didn't want to cause her to remember Harrison, but she didn't seem to mind. Her lips trailed along his throat, her teeth nipping at his skin and he pushed all thoughts of being cautious from his mind.

His hand grabbed a fistful of her hair, jerking it to one side to expose her throat, and as he kissed her, he could taste her racing heartbeat. He bit down on her clavicle, a bit harder than he intended, but the moan that fell from Jenny's lips told him she didn't mind. She pulled his shirt from his body and her own soon followed, carelessly tossed to the floor.

Capturing her lips with his own, he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth. She gasped as he bit down, the coppery taste of blood filling her mouth, yet she made no attempt to stop him. As the last of their clothing was abandoned, he looked down at her seriously.

"Are you sure? The last time we did this here, you ended up with a splinter in your hand."

She glared at him, and pulled him back down to her. He could taste the blood on her lips and while he was concerned, Jenny gave him no opportunity to question it. He entered her more roughly than he had in months, and she cried out as her head fell back against the boat. Without thinking, he pinned her wrists above her head, and as soon as he realised what he'd done, he tried to release her. Shaking her head, Jenny brought her lips close to his ear, and he shivered.

"It's okay," she whispered, "Don't stop."

His other hand supporting her weight, Gibbs slammed into her as hard as he could, and he knew that he was past the point of stopping now. His grip on her wrists was tight, and Jenny wondered dimly if the bones would break. He lowered his head to her breasts and she moaned, her voice low and ragged. Releasing her wrists, he tangled his hand in her hair again, pulling her head back and as she cried out, he kissed the soft skin of her throat.

Jenny was dangerously close now, and he knew that her coming undone would be enough to send him over the edge. He trailed his hand down her body, pausing to roll the nipple of her breasts between his fingers and the moan that graced his ears took the form of his name. Reaching down to touch her, Gibbs kissed her again, loving the way her body jerked in his arms. Each thrust of his hips was harder than the last, and as Jenny's body arched into his, he felt his own climax roll over him.

Her eyes slowly opened, and he looked down at her, searching their depths seriously.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, kissing him breathlessly. Her damp hair was sticking to her skin, and he reached out to brush it aside gently.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Did it help?"

She frowned, thinking.

"Until it was over."

He smirked.

"I'd love to help more, but I don't think I could manage again so soon."

She laughed, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair.

"Can't keep up, old man?"

"Cute."

Gibbs gently lowered her down onto the floor, and as she picked up her clothing, she noticed her body was shaking. She wasn't sure if it was a result of the sex or the events of the last few days, but she hoped Gibbs didn't see it. As soon as she had dressed, she leaned against the boat, watching him as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Jethro?"

He turned, and she met his eyes coolly.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Contrary to what everyone at work might think, I don't like arguing with you. And I shouldn't have brought Shannon into it."

He nodded, closing the distance between them, and as he looked down at her, he ran his finger over her cheek lightly.

"It's okay. We both said things out of anger."

Jenny closed her eyes at his touch, and she sighed she she opened her mouth to speak.

"I should have come to you about my house, but I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me."

"That's crazy, Jen."

She shook her head.

"You told me to leave," she whispered, "What was I supposed to think?"

He frowned, knowing that she was right.

"I'm sorry, Jen. I should have tried to work it out, but I was angry."

Jenny nodded, and he leaned down to kiss her lips gently. Suddenly, he remembered something else he'd been meaning to discuss with her.

"Jen...are you still taking those pills?"

Her silence was all the answer he needed and he frowned.

"Why?"

She still didn't speak, and he tilted her chin up to force her to look at him.

"Jenny."

Glancing at him, she shook her head, running her hand through her hair.

"I...They make it easier. I can sleep without dreaming. I don't have to see him every time I close my eyes. I don't...Jethro, I don't have to be scared anymore."

He wrapped his arms around her, and she laid her head against his chest. His steady heartbeat was comforting and she smiled as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Will you cut them back?"

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was worried that she was becoming dependent on the pills. She shook her head against his chest, her voice slightly muffled.

"I don't know if I can."

"Will you try?"

Jenny nodded, and he kissed the top of her hair.

"I love you, Jen."

She didn't speak, but her lips on his said more than any words ever had.

* * *

Though it had taken hours of trying, Gibbs had finally persuaded Jenny to take the day off from work and as he watched her sleep, he smiled sadly. He hadn't told her what he was planning to do that day, but he supposed it was best that she didn't know yet. He'd made several calls to have a security system installed at her house, and Ziva had agreed to secure the area and test the response timing before Jenny got home.

After kissing her cheek, he quickly wrote a note explaining his absence and left it resting on his pillow before he left. He locked the front door, the feeling foreign to him, but he would never forgive himself if something happened to her while he was away. Pulling out his phone, he dialed quickly, hoping he hadn't woken Jenny up as he'd closed the door.

Ziva answered on the first ring, and as they agreed on a meeting time, Gibbs climbed into his truck, driving the short distance to Jenny's house. He parked his truck far enough away that it wouldn't be noticed and as he waited, he frowned. Whoever had been harassing Jenny was good, but he knew he was better.

Pulling out his camera, he waited until he was sure that he had the right guy before snapping pictures. As he watched, the tall thin man walked up to Jenny's front door and pulled out a can of spray paint. When he had finished, Gibbs stepped out of his truck, approaching the man quickly.

"What are you doing here?"

The young man blanched as he recognised Gibbs from his photos in Jenny's house.

"Got a name?"

"Jonathan Harrison. Shawn Harrison's brother. And I'm not letting that lying bitch get away with calling my brother a rapist."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Stay away from her. If I catch you anywhere near her or her house, I'll have you arrested for trespassing, vandalism, breaking and entering, possibly stalking."

The younger man frowned.

"You don't have any proof."

Gibbs held up his camera and flashed a smile that was anything but reassuring. Jonathan Harrison backed away, holding up his hands in surrender.

"Okay. I wasn't gonna hurt her. Just wanted to scare her a bit."

"Get out."

The younger man ran and Gibbs smirked as he walked back to his truck. He drove quickly back to his house, breaking several traffic laws in the process, and as he unlocked his front door, he felt relieved. Jenny was nowhere to be seen, and he frowned, making his way up to his bedroom. She was still asleep and he picked up the note he had left, crumpling it in his hand. She shifted as he touched her hair lightly, and when she opened her eyes, he smiled.

"Sleep well?"

She nodded slowly, and he pulled her into his lap.

"Got a surprise for you."

"What?"

"I had a security system installed at your house. Ziva's testing it out now."

She sat up quickly, looking at him seriously.

"You did?"

He nodded and as her face broke out in a smile, she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him lightly.

"Now you don't have to be scared."

"I'm not. Not right now."

He raised an eyebrow at her in question and she continued, laying back down in his lap.

"Right now, I'm safe in the arms of a former marine turned ass-kicking agent of a federal agency."

Gibbs smirked and she reached up to tousle his hair. She laughed as he leaned down to kiss her, and as his tongue traced patterns along her throat, she closed her eyes.

"Jethro..."

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

He kissed her again and she smiled. His phone rang and as he answered it, Jenny entertained herself by trailing her nails lightly across his chest.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"The Director's house is secure."

"Thanks, Ziva. I owe you."

"This one's free."

He hung up and Jenny smiled as she raised up from her position in his lap, the look on her face positively sinful.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"What else did you have in mind for today?"

He shrugged.

"Hadn't thought about it."

Jenny moved closer, running her tongue along the shell of his ear.

"I have a few ideas," she murmured.

She kissed his throat, sucking the skin between her teeth, and he shivered. He pushed her back onto the bed, running his hands over her body, and as he pulled her shirt over her head, he had never been so glad to take a day off from work.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you think! Your reviews are the best part of my day (Looking at you, Esquinzo, Hawk and Troubled-Angel-26)!**


	16. Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

**A/N: In which we encounter a power outage, and Gibbs wants revenge. Hope you enjoy this one!**

* * *

Tossing back the pills in her hand, Jenny tried desperately to ignore the shaking of her fingers. She knew Gibbs would kill her if he knew what she was doing, but she was losing her mind. Her nightmares had gotten steadily worse, in spite of the sleeping pills Ducky had given her, and so she was trying another tactic. Caffeine pills helped her stay awake when she wasn't near a coffee supply, and they were much easier for her to obtain.

She walked down the stairs, hoping maybe she had work to occupy her mind in her study, and as she realised her desk was bare, she frowned. Deciding to browse through the books on the shelf, she poured herself a tumbler of bourbon and pulled one down. She hadn't truly looked at any of these books since her father had died, and as she opened it, she smiled sadly as she looked at the bookmark her father had used.

She'd made it herself when she'd been around six, if memory served her, and she hadn't realised he still kept it. It had been made from pressed flowers that she'd gotten from the schoolyard, and in her child's handwriting, she'd scrawled the words "Happy Father's Day, Daddy! Love, Jenny" in purple crayon. Pulling it from the pages, she ran her fingertips lightly over the laminated paper and smiled as she remembered how proud she'd been to give it to him.

Jenny placed it back where she'd found it, and returned the book to the shelf, raising her eyes to the ceiling.

"I love you, Dad," she whispered.

As much as she wished to hear one, there was no answer to her words in the silence.

* * *

Gibbs smirked as Jenny stepped onto the elevator, a determined look on her face.

"Fancy meeting you here, Director."

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Don't be cute, Jethro."

"Everything okay?"

She nodded.

"Just had a budget meeting. I hate having to kiss politician ass."

"As opposed to regular ass?"

She smacked his arm lightly, and he winked at her. As the elevator powered down, Jenny looked over at him, slightly annoyed and sighed.

"I'm surprised this elevator still works with as often as you do that."

Gibbs frowned.

"Wasn't me."

"What?"

"I didn't do that."

She glared at him, and he held up his hands.

"I swear. I didn't touch it."

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, frowning.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Boss, we have a problem."

"Yeah?"

"Electricity is out and no one can find Director Shepard. Cynthia's freaking out."

Smirking, Gibbs glanced over at the redhead standing next to him.

"She's fine. She's with me."

"Where are you, boss?"

"Elevator."

Tony whistled and Gibbs fought the urge to laugh.

"We're working on getting it fixed. Don't know what could have caused it."

"Work fast, DiNozzo."

He hung up and Jenny looked at him curiously.

"Well?"

"Power's out. Cynthia was worried when she couldn't find you."

"So we're stuck in here...great."

He raised his eyebrow suggestively and she shook her head.

"Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro."

Gibbs kissed her hair and as he looked at her, he noticed how violently she was shaking. He frowned and she began pacing around the small space, her mind racing.

"Jenny?"

"What?"

"You okay?"

She nodded, but there was something behind her eyes that made him suspicious. It wasn't like her to be claustrophobic, and he couldn't place what else could be making her so jittery.

"This isn't exactly how I pictured this day going."

He smirked as she stopped walking and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"If you want, I could tell you how _I_ pictured this day going," he murmured in her ear.

She smiled, arching an eyebrow at him and he flashed her a grin.

"Let's see...there's a boat..."

"Shocker," Jenny whispered sarcastically.

"Hush."

When he was sure she wouldn't interrupt, he nodded, starting again.

"As I said, there's a boat, a full bottle of bourbon, you, and me. Your hair is down, you're up against the wood of the boat, hands in my hair..."

"Stop," she said softly, placing her hand over his mouth, "I don't need the preview."

She brought her lips to his and his fingers immediately pulled her hair loose from its ponytail. It tumbled around her shoulders, engulfing him in the sweet scent of her perfume, and her head tipped back as she gasped. Realising where they were, Jenny stopped him just as he began lifting her shirt to kiss her stomach and he frowned.

"We can't. Not here."

"Wouldn't be the first time."

She shook her head.

"Not that."

Suddenly, he understood. She'd figured out what he'd been planning to do, and he smirked, straightening up.

"Couldn't handle it, Jen?"

'Shut up."

An idea came to him and he kissed her again. Though she initially tried to push him away, the moment his tongue swept into her mouth, she knew it was useless. His hand found the waistband of her dress pants and as he slid the zipper down, her hand grabbed his wrist.

"Jethro..."

"Jenny."

Looking into his eyes, she nodded and his lips found her throat. He slipped his hand past the thin lace underwear she wore and as he touched her, she bit down on her lip. It didn't take long for her to break and her hands were tight on his shoulders as he covered her mouth with his own to muffle her moan. As she straightened her clothes, he smirked at her, running his hand through her hair.

"Not bad for an old man, huh, Jen?"

Remembering her words from a few nights ago, she laughed.

"Very funny."

* * *

Pulling out his phone, Gibbs quickly dialed DiNozzo, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for an answer.

"DiNozzo."

"Why am I still stuck in the elevator?"

"Boss, they're still trying to get the power up. You and the Director okay?"

"Yeah, but this isn't the most ideal way to spend an afternoon."

He hung up, and Jenny slid down the wall of the lift, crossing her arms over her knees. Gibbs joined her seconds later and her head fell onto his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I ruined your plan," she said, laughter evident in her voice.

He shrugged.

"I'll be happy to demonstrate later. Why _did_ you stop me, Jen? You're not _that_ prude."

Jenny looked at him seriously, shaking her head, willing him to understand.

"It isn't that. It wasn't you. It's me. I can't...I wouldn't have been able to be quiet enough if you'd done that. Your mouth does things to me that I can't handle."

He smirked, kissing her hair again.

"Your hands are pretty incredible, too," she said softly.

Jenny sighed, pulling out the caffeine pills from her jacket pocket and as she placed one in her mouth, Gibbs frowned.

"Planning on sleeping, Jen?"

She frowned, unsure of what he meant, and then suddenly it clicked.

"These aren't sleeping pills, Jethro."

"What are they?"

"Caffeine. Keeps me awake."

"Jen."

She glared at him and he met her eyes evenly, not willing to back down. She sighed as she lowered her gaze to the floor.

"Don't, Jethro. I can't sleep."

"Nightmares?"

She nodded and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He straightened his legs as much as the small space would allow and he pulled her to him, positioning her so that her head rested on his thighs. She draped her arm across his legs and his hand stroked her hair gently.

"Just remember, Jenny. They're just dreams. It's not real."

She nodded, and though she wanted to sleep, she knew she couldn't. Her body was buzzing with caffeine and even as he held her, Gibbs could feel her trembling.

"Don't take them anymore."

She didn't give any indication that she'd heard him, and he kept stroking her hair, deciding to try the one thing he was sure would get through to her.

"Please."

Turning slightly so that she could see him, she raised her shaking hand to touch his face gently.

"I can't, Jethro."

He started to protest, and she shook her head, cutting him off.

"You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it felt like. What it _still_ feels like. I can still feel him when I close my eyes. I've never been that scared, except when—"

She stopped and he frowned, looking down at her seriously.

"When what?"

"When you were shot in Positano or when you were in that coma."

He frowned. His memory was fuzzy surrounding those injuries, but he hadn't stopped to consider how they had affected her.

"I'm sorry, Jen. You're right, I don't know what you're going through, but I'm more than willing to listen if you ever want to talk."

She offered him a weak smile and he returned it, tightening his hold on her.

"For the record, I know what it's like to be scared, though."

"Jethro, nothing scares you," she said quietly.

"Do you remember when you took that round to the thigh, Jen? Or better yet, the night you were laying on my porch covered in blood? I was terrified then."

Jenny frowned, looking at him seriously.

"Really?"

"Jen, you have no idea how bad my hands were shaking when I cut that bullet out of your leg. I was so worried that I was going to make it worse. Or the night Harrison attacked you—"

"Raped," she corrected softly, "He raped me."

Gibbs nodded.

"Right. The night he raped you...we weren't even officially together anymore, but I was scared to death when I saw you on my porch. Before I touched you, before I knew you were breathing, I thought I'd lost you. You scared the hell out of me, Jenny."

She sighed, shifting slightly in his lap.

"I didn't mean to."

He shook his head, smiling down at her.

"It's okay."

They sat in silence for a few minutes and Jenny groaned, raking her fingers through her hair. Gibbs laughed and she ran her hand up and down his leg gently.

"How long have we been in here, Jethro?"

He frowned, glancing at his watch.

"Little over an hour."

She nodded, her hand still moving over his leg and suddenly she had a brilliant idea.

"Jethro..."

"Hm?"

"I just had a great idea."

Jenny's hand moved back and forth, and she raised up to kiss his throat slowly, her tongue trailing down his skin. Her fingers found the buckle of his belt and as she slowly slid the zipper down, he frowned.

"Jen?"

"Hush."

Any protests he had instantly disappeared from his mind when she wrapped her lips around him, and his hips jerked up automatically. She moved her right hand over him, moving in time to her mouth, while her left hand stroked his leg slowly. His hand went to her hair, grabbing the long red strands tightly, and he bit down on his lip hard enough to hurt. She swirled her tongue around the tip of his head, trying not to smile as his grip in her hair tightened. Her movements increased in speed and his hips moved upwards as he tried not to thrust into her mouth. He whispered her name as she took him in fully, fighting to keep his eyes open. His vision went white and she grabbed his hand, placing it at her throat so that he could feel her swallow.

"Jen..."

She gave him a wicked smirk as she raised up to kiss his lips and he smiled.

"What was that for?"

"Fair trade."

He laughed and she pulled out her phone, calling Cynthia. The young woman answered on the second ring, and Jenny fought to keep the exasperation from her voice.

"Do we have any update?"

"Should be about five minutes, Director."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

She hung up, looking at Gibbs as she swept her hair back up into a ponytail.

"Five, give or take."

He nodded, pulling her closer as they waited. She nestled into his chest and he placed a light kiss to her temple.

"Jethro, I just wanted to say thank you. For everything."

As the elevator flickered to life, Jenny smiled. Gibbs stood, holding out his hand to help her, and as he pulled her to her feet, he flashed his trademark smirk.

"You're welcome."

After checking to make sure all of their clothing was in order, they faced the door, and as they slid open, Gibbs stepped out. Jenny followed and he immediately began speaking, his voice harsh.

"DiNozzo! What the hell happened?"

"Power went out in the entire area. Not just us. You guys okay?"

The team leader nodded, and Jenny walked up the steps to the catwalk, deliberately silent. She could feel the eyes of his team watching her, but as she walked into her office, she tossed her hair over her shoulder.

* * *

Jenny swore under her breath as she got out of her car and made her way up to her house. Graffiti covered her front door, various insults and profane words glaring at her and she pulled out her phone, calling Gibbs.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, how well does that security system work?"

"Ziva said it was secure. Why?"

"My front door is completely destroyed."

"Where are you?"

"Outside."

"Stay where you are, Jen. I'll be right there."

"Hurry."

She hung up and sat down on her front porch, placing her head in her hands. As she heard the screech of tires twenty minutes later, she didn't move, but as the shadow fell over her, she frowned.

"Jen?"

The redhead glanced up, and when she saw the blue eyes of her favourite former marine, she smiled.

"Hey."

He looked behind her to the door and sat down next to her, placing his hand on her knee. She stayed where she was, and he stood, examining the oak behind them. He already knew who was behind it, and he was beyond furious that his warning had gone unheeded. Holding out his hand, he pulled Jenny up and as he held her in his arms, he sighed.

"I'll take care of this," he said against her hair.

She nodded and he led her to his truck, helping her into the cab. As he pulled away from her house, he looked at her, hoping she hadn't been too upset by the ordeal.

"Jethro?"

Her voice was quiet and he glanced at her as he drove.

"Hm?"

"Is this ever going to end?"

He looked at her seriously, pulling his truck off to the side of the road. He parked it, and she turned to him, confused.

"Jethro, what—"

"This is going to end soon. One way or another. I'm going to keep you safe. I promise."

He reached over, touching the side of her face gently.

"Don't worry."

Placing the truck in gear again, he began driving the short distance to his house. As he led her inside, he closed the door and locked it, smirking slightly at her shocked expression.

"Since when do you lock your door?"

"Habit."

"Habit? Jethro, you've never locked your door in all the years I've known you."

"Started to with you."

His words touched her and she reached up to run her fingers through his hair.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jen."

* * *

Jenny knew, without a shadow of doubt, that she was drunk. She'd been tossing back drink after drink for hours trying to forget that a stranger had damaged her house and destroyed any semblance of safety she'd thought she had. Gibbs had been watching her all night, keeping track of her drinks, and by his count, she'd had six glasses of bourbon. He honestly had no idea how she was still standing.

"Jen, maybe you should take a break."

She glared at him, but it lacked her usual conviction. He made his way closer, pulling the mason jar from her hand, and when he set it under his boat, she frowned, sitting down and crossing her arms angrily.

"Give it back."

He shook his head.

"Jethro, I'm serious."

"So am I. You want it back, go get it. If you can make it there and back without stumbling, I'll keep my mouth shut."

Jenny glared at him again, standing up from her position on her stool and as she swayed on her feet, he smirked.

"You're drunk, Jen. Enough."

Deciding he was probably right, the redhead nodded, sinking back down onto the chair. He picked up her abandoned mason jar and took a long drink, emptying it quickly. He stared at her for a moment, trying to decipher the look in her eyes, and as he spoke, his voice was quiet.

"What's going on, Jenny?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You. Pills. Getting so drunk that it's scary."

She frowned and ran her hand through her hair.

"I'm _scared_, Jethro. I always expected these situations when I was an agent. I knew it was always a possibility. I'm not out in the field anymore. I have security guards, a driver, at this point I would be surprised if I didn't have a goddamned tracking device in my head. This shouldn't have happened."

He nodded, crossing the room to her, and wrapped her in his arms, holding her close to his chest. He could feel her tears dampening his shirt, but he didn't mind.

"I'll keep you safe, Jen."

She inhaled deeply, trying to get her tears in check and when she finally looked up at him, he gave her a reassuring smile.

"Jethro?"

He tilted his head in answer and she smiled.

"Can we go to bed?"

He nodded, leading her carefully to the stairs. As he pulled her against him in the bed, she turned in his arms, tucking her head under his chin. It was so reminiscent of Paris that he smiled, kissing her hair. Her fingers curled around his shirt and as she slept, he made a promise to keep her safe, no matter the cost.

* * *

As she sat in her study reading over reports, Jenny sighed, rubbing her temple slowly. She knew she needed sleep, but the thought of her nightmares returning was enough to make her avoid it. She'd been awake for forty-six hours by this point, and as she laid her head down on her arms, she mentally kicked herself for being so stupid.

The shattering of glass wasn't enough to wake her twenty minutes later, but as she struggled to pull air into her lungs, her eyes flew open, burning instantly. Black smoke, thick and hot, blinded her and burned her chest as she took a breath. She immediately began coughing and as she attempted to find her way to the door, her fingers closed around her phone.

She found the door of her study, collapsing against it, and tried to stop coughing long enough to call for the fire department, but the smoke was so heavy that she couldn't see her screen. The curtains hanging from her front windows were ablaze and as she sank to her knees, she dimly wondered if this was what hell would be like.

Jenny could hear a voice now, and as she opened her eyes, she found herself facing her neighbour from across the street. She tried to remember his name, but her mind refused to cooperate. He held out his hand and she took it, still coughing and as he pulled her through the front door, she immediately began taking deep breaths of clean air.

"Are you alright, Jenny?"

She nodded, unable to speak and he led her farther away from her house, wanting to put as much distance between them and the blaze as possible.

"I was checking the mail and I heard glass breaking. Few seconds later, I saw the fire. I called the fire department, hopefully they can save some of it."

She looked at the older man, and finally she remembered his name.

"Thanks, Nathan," she said weakly, "I owe you one."

He shook his head.

"Don't mention it. Besides, I don't think the Colonel would have ever forgiven me if I'd let anything happen to you."

She smiled, remembering now that he had been good friends with her father. Glancing down at her phone, she dialed the familiar number with shaking hands and as she waited, she could hear the sirens quickly approaching.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro..." she immediately began coughing again, and paused, "I have a bit of a problem."

"What is it? Jen, are those sirens?"

"Yeah. Someone tried to burn my house down."

He didn't answer, and she tried to stop coughing long enough to explain.

"It looks like I might need a place to crash for awhile."

There was still no response, and she frowned.

"Jethro?"

It wasn't until she looked down at her phone that she realised he had hung up.

* * *

As she was being examined by the paramedics, she heard the screeching of tires coming to a stop and smirked. She knew exactly who had just arrived and as he approached her, she gave him a weak smile.

"Jen. You okay?"

She nodded, though every breath felt like her chest was on fire.

"What happened?"

Jenny began to recount the events, now for the second time that day, and as she finished, they were joined by the officer who had arrived shortly after the fire department.

"Director Shepard, it looks like the blaze was mainly in the front hall near the stairs. There was some damage to the living room, but we managed to get it under control before it caught in the rest of the house. Should be fairly simple to repair, but it will take time. Do you have somewhere you can stay until then?"

Jenny nodded, and Gibbs looked at him seriously.

"What caused it?"

The officer looked at him and Gibbs flashed his badge. Nodding, the officer continued.

"Looks like good old-fashioned gasoline, Agent Gibbs. Glass bottle, soaked cloth, lit, tossed into a mostly wooden structure. Molotov cocktail."

"So, this was arson?"

He nodded.

"Going by both the reports of Director Shepard and her neighbour Nathan Crain, combined with the evidence we found, yes. We're opening an investigation to track down the person responsible."

Gibbs nodded, gesturing for the officer to step away. As they began speaking in lowered voices, Jenny turned to Nathan, giving her best smile.

"Seriously, Nathan. Thank you."

He hugged her gently, and smiled.

"Anytime, Jenny. Take care."

Jenny was left with her thoughts as Gibbs finished speaking to the officer and when he returned, he held out his hand.

"Come on. You're staying with me."

He helped her into the truck and as he drove, he pulled out his phone.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, got a minute?"

"Well, I was just sitting down to dinner, but—"

"Someone set Jenny's house on fire."

"Oh my goodness, is Jennifer alright? Was she hurt?"

"That's what I need you for. Think you could come by and check?"

"Absolutely. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Jenny glared at him from the passenger seat and he frowned.

"Jethro, I'm fine."

Her lungs chose that particular moment to betray her and as she coughed again, he raised an eyebrow at her. Knowing she would never win this battle, she simply frowned, crossing her arms over her chest and staring out the window. How had her night ended up in such chaos?

* * *

After being given the all-clear by Ducky, Jenny sat watching her favourite silver-haired agent sanding his boat and as he worked, he glanced at her.

"You're safe here."

She scoffed, still feeling dizzy. She would never tell him that she'd nearly passed out on the ride to his house. If there was one thing Jenny Shepard hated, it was looking weak.

"I feel like we've had this conversation before," she said softly.

He nodded, and set his sander down.

"Why don't you try to get some sleep?"

She sighed, and instantly regretted it. Harsh coughs tore through her body and he stood, making his way over to her slowly.

"For me?"

Though she wanted to protest, her body was screaming for sleep, and she nodded.

"Fine."

As she stood, a wave of dizziness washed over her and Gibbs instinctively reached out, catching her just before she hit the ground. Ignoring her weak protests, he lifted her into his arms and carried her up the stairs, kicking the basement door shut.

Placing her on the bed, he leaned down to kiss her gently, and when he tried to leave, Jenny's hand shot out to grab his.

"Stay."

Considering her for a moment, he finally nodded, and as she curled her body into his, he wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could.

"I love you," she whispered into his chest.

He kissed her forehead gently, letting his lips linger for a long moment, and he ran his fingers through her fiery hair.

"I love you, Jen. And nothing is ever going to stop me from keeping you safe."

As Jenny's even breathing filled the room, Gibbs found his thoughts returning to Jonathan Harrison. Though he'd given the officer the younger man's name and description, Gibbs almost hoped they wouldn't find him. He had threatened the one living person Gibbs loved more than life itself and he wanted nothing more than to break the bastard's neck. He wanted to see the younger man face punishment for what he'd done, and no court of law was good enough for what Gibbs had in mind.

* * *

**A/N: Just wanted to thank each and every one of my wonderful reviewers! You guys are what keeps me going, even when I don't really feel like writing. I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter.**


	17. Behind Emerald Eyes

**A/N: In which Gibbs finally gets his revenge. Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think!**

* * *

As she was shaken awake, Jenny jerked away from the hands touching her and screamed. She didn't recognise the person above her and when Gibbs knelt in front of her, she pulled away.

"Jen. Look at me."

She shook her head, trying to pull away again, but he tightened his grip on her wrists.

"Look at me."

"No!"

"Jen! Look at me! _Jen!_"

Finally, she met his eyes, and he looked at her seriously.

"Jen, it's just Ducky. Calm down."

"Jennifer, relax."

Jenny's eyes filled with confusion and she frowned, looking between them.

"What's going on?"

"Ducky's here to do a follow-up examination."

Shaking her head, she sat up fully and glared at them both.

"I told you. I'm fine."

Ducky took her wrist gently in his hand, glancing at his watch and frowned at her as he counted.

"Your pulse is fast."

She rolled her eyes.

"You two just scared the hell out of me, of course it's fast."

He shook his head, pulling out a stethoscope and placing it on her back. She groaned, throwing her head back in frustration and Gibbs looked at her seriously.

"Do what he says, Jen."

"Deep breath please, Jennifer."

She glared at Gibbs, yet she did as the doctor asked. As he listened to her uneven breathing, he frowned and when he had finished, he sighed.

"Well, your breathing does seem to be a bit laboured, my dear. Not that this is unusual, given the events of yesterday, but I would like you to take it easy for a few days. No strenuous activity, no late nights, no smoking—"

"I don't smoke, Ducky," Jenny interrupted him with a smile.

"Yes, I know. But if I didn't warn you, I wouldn't be doing my job properly."

She touched his shoulder gently, and gave him a playful glare.

"Ducky. I'll be fine."

He smiled back at her and stood, looking at Gibbs pointedly. The former marine kissed Jenny once before following the doctor into his kitchen, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

"Well?"

"I meant what I told Jennifer: no strenuous activity or late nights. Can you manage that?"

Gibbs looked at him, smirking.

"Yeah, I got it."

"Jethro, I haven't forgotten the night you two tore Jennifer's stitches in Europe."

Gibbs had the good sense to look embarrassed and he shrugged.

"I got it, Duck. Scout's honour."

Ducky frowned.

"You were never a Scout."

"I'll make sure she takes it easy."

Looking at him intently, Ducky finally nodded and and he placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. He let himself out of the back door, and as Gibbs returned to the bedroom, Jenny gave him a tired smile.

"Ducky's pretty serious about you taking it easy."

She shrugged, giving him a long seductive look.

"I think I can handle myself."

He shook his head, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"Not a chance, Shepard. Not yet."

Pouting slightly, she stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed.

"Cute, Jen."

"Jethro, I have to go back to my house today to get some things. Will you be here all day?"

He nodded.

"I don't think you should go alone."

"I'm not," she assured him, "Agent Fredericks will be with me. I'll call you when I get there."

He leaned in to kiss her, and as her fingers threaded through his hair, he pulled away from her.

"Jen..." he warned.

Laughing softly, she stood up, ignoring the black spots that danced in front of her eyes and began searching for her heels. As she pulled them on, he stole a glance at her jean-clad legs, and she threw him a glare over her shoulder.

"Stop staring at my ass, Jethro."

He smirked.

"It's a nice view."

Jenny glared at him again, tossing her jacket at him, and as she finished adjusting her shoe, he smirked.

"Okay, I need my jacket now."

He held it behind him, raising an eyebrow.

"Come and get it."

She reached for it, and he held it just out of her reach. Finally, her fingers closed around the fabric and he used the leather to pull her closer. As his lips met hers, she smiled and tried to ignore the burning in her lungs. She broke away as she began to cough, and he frowned, searching her eyes seriously.

"You okay?"

Nodding, she sat back and when she had finally caught her breath, he handed her the jacket. Just as she reached the bedroom door, his voice made her turn.

"Be safe, Jen."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Jenny fought back tears as she carefully picked her way through the burned ruins of her living room and jumped over the cracked stairs. She'd known that it would be difficult for her to see this, but she had underestimated just how much it would hurt. As she pulled clothing from her closet, she found the jewelry box her grandmother had given her when she was seven, and as she unlocked it, she smiled as she looked through her old treasures.

Concert tickets from college, a hair clip from her mother, and her graduation tassel were on the top and as she neared the bottom, she frowned. The rings she and Gibbs had worn undercover as a newlywed couple in Europe were still there, shining just as brightly as the day they had bought them. She pulled them out, turning them over in her hand and she sighed as she placed them in her pocket. She wondered if he even knew she still had them.

Finally, she had finished gathering her clothes and she slowly made her way back to her car, throwing her bag in the back seat. She had the distinct feeling that something was wrong, but she shook her head. She was just being paranoid. Just as she was about to get into the car, she remembered her purse, and as she closed the door again, a sound behind her made her turn.

She barely had time to register the feeling of fear and pain as the large rock connected with the back of her head and Jenny Shepard's entire world went black.

* * *

As the minutes ticked by, Gibbs couldn't shake the feeling in his gut telling him that something was very wrong. Jenny had said that she would only be gone for an hour and now it was closing in on two hours. She'd called when she had arrived, but he still couldn't help but worry. Sighing, he grabbed his keys and jacket, heading for his truck. Perhaps he was overreacting, but he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything until he knew where she was.

Parking his truck across the street, Gibbs frowned when he saw Jenny's car still out front. As he approached the car, his bad feeling grew stronger and when he peered in the front seat, he swore. Agent Fredericks was slumped behind the wheel, blood dripping from his temple and Gibbs felt his neck for a pulse. Luckily, he found one, and as he pulled out his phone, Gibbs was suddenly very worried.

"DiNozzo."

"Get to the Director's house. Bring McGee and Ziva. Now."

He hung up, calling the paramedics next, and as he waited, he made his way back to Jenny's car. Kneeling down, he gently shook the younger agent, his voice low and urgent.

"Fredericks. Can you hear me?"

The younger man moaned and as his eyes opened slowly, Gibbs noticed that they were slightly glazed over.

"Agent Gibbs?"

"Fredericks. You okay?"

He nodded, sitting up carefully, and his hand went to his head as he frowned.

"Where's the Director?"

"Inside."

Gibbs nodded, and as he straightened, he noticed Jenny's bag in the back seat.

"Fredericks, you put this here?"

The agent shook his head and Gibbs frowned.

"Director Shepard must have done it," Fredericks mused.

Gibbs looked around, searching for any sign of his redhead and as he noticed the rock on the ground by the back seat he frowned. Kneeling down, he noticed the blood spatter and he glanced up as a car pulled in behind his truck. His team filed out and Gibbs beckoned them over, pointing to the ground.

"DiNozzo, bag and tag that. Take it back to Abby. I want to know if that blood is the Director's. Ziva, dust the car for prints that don't match any of ours, and stay with Fredericks until the ambulance gets here. McGee, trace the Director's cell."

"On it, boss."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna try to find her, McGee!"

None of them had seen their boss so angry in quite a long time, and it was scarier than any of them would ever admit. They only hoped they could find her before anything happened.

* * *

Abby frowned as she pulled a strand of hair from the blood coating the rock DiNozzo had given her and examined it closely.

"This is definitely the Director's."

McGee frowned.

"You haven't tested it yet."

"You know anyone else with red hair that would be at her house? Certainly not Gibbs."

He shrugged.

"Fair enough."

As she placed the hair into her machine, Abby looked over at him, her eyes wide.

"We're gonna find her...right, McGee?"

McGee hugged her gently, placing a light kiss to her temple.

"We'll find her, Abby. Gibbs won't let anything happen to her."

Abby frowned, twisting her hands nervously. She only hoped McGee was right.

* * *

As Jenny opened her eyes groggily, she struggled to identify her surroundings. She was cold, and she couldn't keep herself from shivering. She was just able to make out the figure standing near the door of whatever building she was in, and as he realised she was awake, he gave her a bone-chilling smile.

"Well...Director Jenny Shepard. How nice to officially meet you."

"Who—who are you?"

"Jonathan Harrison."

Wait. Harrison. That name was familiar, but the first name was wrong.

"You're related to Shawn," she said weakly.

He nodded, and she frowned as the familiar feeling of dread filled her chest. He knelt down to where she was sprawled on the floor and as he pulled out the knife in his pocket her eyes widened. She knew that knife. Gibbs had given it to her years ago, and now it looked like she was about to be murdered with it.

Jenny closed her eyes, turning away from the blade and Harrison shook his head, grabbing her chin.

"Don't think so, Jenny. Eyes open."

The blade was gentle against her cheek, causing her to shiver and as it bit into her skin, she tried to pull away. Harrison's grip was much too tight, and as she struggled, his hand roughly connected with her face.

"What do you want from me? Shawn's in jail. I can't do anything about it."

"Your lies got my brother thrown behind bars."

She shook her head slowly, trying to pretend that she didn't feel the blood dripping down her skin.

"Your brother got himself put in jail. I didn't ask for him to rape me."

The slap sent her head flying backward and she hissed in pain.

"You lying bitch. My brother wouldn't touch a slut like you."

Jenny frowned as she heard a low vibrating sound and as she realised what it was, her eyes widened. Harrison smiled as he held up her phone, and read the caller ID.

"Hm...it appears Agent Gibbs is wondering where you are. Shall we answer it?"

He pressed the button and even from where she lay, Jenny could hear Gibbs' voice.

"Jenny?"

"Hello, Agent Gibbs. Nice to hear from you."

"Where is she, Harrison?"

"I'm touched. You remembered me."

"Where. Is. She?"

"Relax, Agent Gibbs. She's perfectly fine."

Harrison moved closer to her, and Jenny instinctively tried to back away. The blade was held against her throat and she flinched.

"Talk to him," Harrison whispered.

"Jethro, I'm okay."

"Jen! Where are you?"

"No idea," she answered honestly.

Harrison pulled the phone away and Jenny closed her eyes, trying to think of any possible way that she could escape.

"What do you want, Harrison? Money?"

"Nope. I just want you to suffer, Agent Gibbs. Shepard's important to you, my brother is important to me. I'll let her go in time. You just have to be patient."

He hung up the phone, and Jenny frowned. The air was cold, but not overly so, and that gave her some indication of her surroundings. She could still hear the sounds of the city, which gave her even the smallest measure of comfort. Harrison knelt in front of her, tightening the ropes that bound her wrists and ankles together and he roughly yanked her shirt up, exposing her stomach.

Jenny bit down on her lip as the knife sliced into her skin and as she fought back tears, Harrison leaned closer, his voice low in her ear.

"I'm not stopping until I hear you scream with that pretty voice of yours."

Wincing, Jenny jerked her head to the side, and as the knife went deeper into her flesh, she whimpered softly. The knife trailed down her body, slicing into the denim of her jeans, and she jerked away.

"This isn't going to work, Jonathan."

Much to her surprise, her voice was steady, much calmer than she felt. She hoped that by using his first name, she could remind him that she was a person and not just an object of torture.

"It'll work. Gibbs won't let anything happen to you."

"He doesn't make deals with criminals."

Of that, she was certain.

"You'd better hope he'll make an exception for you, Jenny."

"He won't. I know him."

He was silent, and Jenny tried again, hoping to get his guard down.

"You're going to end up in prison, Jonathan. Or possibly worse. This won't end well."

"Shut up!"

The back of his hand connected with her cheek and she winced as she felt her lip split. Warm blood filled her mouth and she closed her eyes. Her head was beginning to ache and she felt herself getting more dizzy with each blow.

"You were the one who set my house on fire," she said weakly.

He nodded.

"To be fair, I didn't know you were home. Let me be very clear, Jenny. I'm not going to kill you. I want you very much alive. Maybe a bit battered, but your death wouldn't benefit me at all."

"I appreciate that," Jenny deadpanned.

Harrison smirked as her phone rang again and as he looked at it, he tossed it to the ground. Jenny flinched as it clattered on the ground and when Harrison walked out of the room, she sighed. This was _not_ how she wanted her day to go.

* * *

Listening carefully to the sounds around her, Jenny tried to identify something, _anything_, that would give her some kind of indication to her location. She could hear voices around her and while none of them sounded familiar, she couldn't be sure. Glancing around in the darkness, she sighed again, and fought the urge to scream. Her head was killing her, and her vision was beginning to swim. As she took in the dark room she was in, she noticed a small window on the other side, high above her head and smiled.

A basement.

She knew she had to be close by to her own house, because she didn't think she had been unconscious for too long. Something shiny caught her attention and as she noticed it, she tried to maneuver her body closer to the gleaming object. Pulling it into her hand, she was elated to discover that it was a broken piece of glass, and she tried in vain to twist her wrists enough to cut through the ties binding her.

Her phone vibrated again and as she pulled herself up, her eyes lit up as she realised she could reach it. Pressing the button with her nose as best she could, she was unable to stop the smile that broke across her face as she heard the familiar voice.

"Harrison, where is she?"

"Jethro," she whispered, "it's me."

"Jen! Where the hell are you?"

"I don't know. A basement, but I can't tell where."

"Stay on the line, McGee's gonna get a trace."

"Jethro, I can't. If he comes back, I—"

"Not "if", Jenny. I think you mean "when" I come back."

The swift kick delivered to her ribs made her gasp in pain, and as Harrison swung the knife in her direction, she bit her tongue to keep from screaming as it sliced into her cheek. He grabbed her hair in his hands, dragging her across the room, and as she struggled against him, her foot lashed out, kicking her phone away from them both.

She could hear Gibbs speaking, but she would die before she gave Harrison the satisfaction of hearing her scream. Closing her eyes, she sent up a silent prayer to her father that McGee was tracing her phone as she fought.

* * *

"McGee!"

"Working on it, boss. Just need a few more seconds to—I got it!"

The younger agent quickly wrote down the address and Gibbs snatched it from his hand and as Tony walked back from the restroom, he frowned.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked, "Got a fix on the Director's cell. Let's go."

"On your six, boss."

As they piled into the car, Tony grabbed the handle of the door, hoping that they made it to their destination alive.

* * *

As Harrison's hand tightened around her throat, Jenny tried in vain to untie her hands. Her knife was plunged into her thigh, and as he twisted the blade, her vision went white. She bit down on her lip, teeth sinking into the busted flesh, and she could feel the tears spilling from her eyes. She could hear noise faintly above her, but paid it no attention. Her every sense was focused on trying to stop the searing pain in her leg, and Harrison twisted the knife again.

Jenny couldn't help it. As the knife sank deeper into her skin, a scream tore from her throat and as she jerked her head away from him, her eyes landed on the broken piece of glass she'd found earlier. Sliding it over the ropes as hard as she could, Jenny was relieved to find that it sliced through it. Another swipe and she would be free. If she could just—

Harrison slammed her head against the floor of the basement and as her vision spun, she slid the glass over the ropes again. It was enough. Her hands were free and she swung her hand blindly, wincing as her fist connected with Harrison's jaw. He grabbed the knife still embedded in her skin and as he turned it again, smirking as she screamed. This was working out better than he'd expected.

* * *

Gibbs wasted no time in kicking in the door of Harrison's house, and as he made his way to the basement steps, DiNozzo pulled out his weapon, watching his team leader's back. He could hear the sounds of a struggle and as Jenny's scream reached his ears, he swiftly ran down the steps. He opened the door and as his eyes followed the movement, he raised his weapon, training it on Harrison. Jenny hit him squarely in the face, and he felt a surge of pride well up as he watched her. As he twisted the knife in Jenny's leg and as she screamed, Gibbs aimed carefully. One wrong move and he could hit Jenny.

His finger pulled the trigger, hitting Harrison in the shoulder and as he toppled forward onto Jenny, she closed her eyes, trying to move away. Gibbs instantly ran down the remaining steps, pulling Harrison from her and as DiNozzo moved to handcuff him, Jenny tried to stop shaking. Gibbs reached for her ankle, meaning to cut the ropes from her skin, but she instantly scrambled backward, not wanting to be touched.

"Jenny, it's okay."

She slowly opened her eyes, meeting his in the dim light, and he reached for her again.

"Jen...it's over."

Pulling out his knife, he quickly sliced through the ropes on her ankles, looking at her seriously.

"You're safe now."

"Uh, boss? I think you hit a major artery."

Turning to DiNozzo, Gibbs frowned.

"What?"

"Harrison's dead, boss."

Jenny closed her eyes again, leaning her head on Gibbs' shoulder. He glanced down, for the first time noticing the blade protruding from her thigh, and he frowned.

"This yours?"

She nodded, and he turned to the younger agent in the room.

"DiNozzo, call Ducky. Tell him to meet us back at my house. Gonna need him."

"On it, boss."

Once he had left, Gibbs turned to the redhead in front of him, and took her hand gently.

"You ready?"

Looking at her seriously, his other hand gripped the handle of the knife, and at her nod, he pulled it from her skin. She gasped in pain, and her grip on his hand tightened. As he watched her, he was suddenly alarmed as her skin was drained of all colour.

"Jen?"

She didn't answer, and as she slumped forward into his arms, unconscious, he frowned. He lifted her carefully into his arms, and as they passed Harrison's body, Gibbs delivered a swift kick to his ribs. Making his way up the stairs, Gibbs glared at Tony as he passed him.

"In the car. Now."

"You got it, boss. Director okay?"

"Unconscious. We'll know more when we get to Ducky."

Tony nodded, following behind him closely. As Gibbs placed Jenny gently in the back seat of the car, Tony spoke softly.

"What about Harrison?"

"Later."

Gibbs got behind the wheel and as he put the car in gear, he glanced in the rearview mirror at Jenny. He drove more carefully than he ever had before, except when bringing Kelly home from the hospital, and when they pulled up to his house, he was relieved to see Ducky's Morgan already there.

* * *

Ducky frowned as he examined Jenny's injuries, gently cleaning the blood from her face.

"This cut will require stitches, but the wound I'm more concerned about is this one on her thigh. It appears that Harrison twisted Jennifer's knife in quite deeply."

Gibbs nodded.

"He did."

"And where is Mr. Harrison?"

"Dead."

Ducky nodded his approval and set about threading a needle. As he began stitching up the cut on Jenny's left cheek, she stirred at his touch, moaning softly.

"Jethro, I'm going to need you to keep her still."

As the doctor paused to give her time to properly wake up, Jenny immediately pulled away, her eyes wide and panicked.

"Jenny, it's just Ducky. You're safe now."

Emerald green locked on cobalt blue, visibly calming her down, and as she reached for his hand, he nodded to the doctor.

"Jennifer, I'm going to close up these cuts and then I want to examine your leg."

Jenny met the doctor's kind eyes and nodded, never releasing her hold on Gibbs' hand. Ducky resumed stitching, and when he had finished, he turned his attention to the cut on the right side of her face.

"This one isn't too deep. A butterfly closure should suffice."

He gestured to her jeans, and as her eyes widened, he patted her knee soothingly.

"I have to, my dear. It may require stitches."

Sighing, Jenny nodded and as she raised her shirt to unhook the button on her jeans, Ducky frowned. Lifting it slightly, he examined the shallow cuts on her stomach and he gently cleaned off the dried blood.

"These aren't bad, though they will be quite painful for awhile."

She slowly peeled off the denim and as Ducky examined the deep wound, Jenny's eyes closed, trying to block out the memory of Harrison touching her. Gibbs kissed the side of her head gently, and as Ducky's skilled fingers probed lightly, she leaned into his embrace.

"You're lucky, my dear Jennifer. This won't require stitches. I'll wrap it tightly, and as long as you keep it clean, you'll be fine."

Jenny nodded and Gibbs' free hand reached up to stroke her hair gently.

"Thanks, Duck."

As the doctor finished wrapping the bandages around her leg, he leaned forward, kissing her cheek carefully.

"I think I'm about finished here, Jethro. I'll give Anthony a ride home when I leave."

Jenny smiled at Ducky as he left and Gibbs kissed her once before standing, following his friend out to the front porch. The redhead blinked slowly, trying to clear the fog from her mind. She laid back on the couch, trying to pretend that the dizziness she felt wasn't concerning.

* * *

"Give me the truth, Duck. She gonna be okay?"

Ducky nodded.

"Jennifer will be fine, Jethro. I know you're concerned, but she'll be just fine. Her injuries were not life-threatening."

"Wasn't asking about that."

"Ah, I see. Yes, Jethro, I am quite sure that Jennifer will recover from this in time. Just be there for her."

Gibbs smiled, clapping the older man on the shoulder.

"Not to sound like I'm kicking you out, Duck, but—"

"Of course. Go. Be with Jennifer."

Gibbs nodded, and turned on his heel, closing the door as he went into the living room. Jenny needed him, and nothing was going to keep him away from her.

* * *

Carrying Jenny carefully up to his bedroom, Gibbs frowned as he watched her, unsure if she had fallen asleep or if she had passed out. He climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her into his arms, and as he kissed her hair, it occurred to him just how close he had come to losing her. She shifted in his embrace, and he pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I tried not to."

He frowned, more than a little confused.

"Tried not to what?"

"Scream. Harrison, he—he said he wouldn't stop until I screamed. I tried not to. I really did."

He felt his heart break for the woman in his arms, and he brushed her hair back gently, looking into her eyes seriously.

"Oh, Jen...no. Don't apologise for that. You did absolutely nothing wrong."

As hard as she tried, Jenny couldn't stop the tears from falling. As she sobbed into his chest, Gibbs kissed her hair over and over, hoping that he was somehow helping.

"I love you, Jen, " he whispered.

She clung to his shirt, her grip unbearably tight and he kept kissing her hair.

"Don't let go."

Her voice was a pained whisper, so raw and vulnerable that he felt a few tears of his own spring to his eyes.

"Never."

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you think! Reviews give me life!**


	18. Rumour Has It

**A/N: In which Jenny and Gibbs deal with the rumour mill. Also, as a side note, I wanted to point out that I based one of Jenny's injuries on one of my own. I had a knife wound similar to hers that I didn't get stitches for (probably should have, though). Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he watched Jenny sleep, and he carefully slid out of the bed as slowly as he could so as not to wake her. He made his way down to his living room, pausing to pick up the jeans she had removed for Ducky's examination and as he folded them, he heard a soft jingling noise coming from the front pocket. Figuring it to be Jenny's keys, he reached into the pocket and as his fingers closed around something much smaller, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Two silver rings sat in the palm of his hand and he recognised them instantly. He'd bought them in Europe just before they'd gone to Paris as part of their undercover assignment, and as he held them up to the light, he smiled. He'd never thought Jenny would keep them, but here they were. A quiet knocking at his door caused him to turn and as he walked to the door, he held the rings tightly in his hand.

"Ducky? What are you doing here? You just left."

The doctor nodded.

"Yes. It occurred to me as I was dropping young Anthony off that my initial examination of Jennifer's injuries was less than accurate. I'm going to stitch her leg after all."

Gibbs frowned.

"Thought it didn't need it."

"I have seen wounds like that heal properly without stitching, but for my own peace of mind, I'm going to do it. If it were to become infected, I would never forgive myself."

Gibbs nodded his head in the direction of the stairs.

"She's sleeping."

"I'll do my best not to startle her."

Gibbs made to follow, but Ducky's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"It might be for the best if you wait here, Jethro."

After glaring at him for a few moments, Gibbs seemed to realise that the doctor wasn't going to back down. Smiling, Ducky walked up the stairs and when the former marine made his way to the basement, he sighed. What he really wanted was a drink.

* * *

Jenny's eyes took several moments to focus on the doctor smiling down at her, but as she recognised him, she offered him a tired smile.

"Ducky. What are you doing here?"

"Stitching up your leg, my dear."

Jenny frowned.

"I thought you said—"

"Humour me, Jennifer."

Sighing, she nodded, and as he pulled out a syringe, her eyes widened. She'd always hated needles, and as he began to numb the area surrounding the wound, she clenched her teeth tightly. He threaded the needle with expert fingers and as he began sewing, she felt tears prick in her eyes. Ducky glanced up at her as he worked, frowning at the way her hand gripped the sheet beneath her, and he shook his head.

"You don't have to be brave here, my dear."

She met his eyes, trying not to blink, and he paused, reaching out to take her hand in his.

"Jennifer," his voice was gentle, unbearably kind, "you've been through so much. It's quite alright to cry."

She shook her head, still not allowing herself to blink.

"That wouldn't fix anything."

"No," he agreed, "but it might help. You don't always have to be the strong one."

"If I don't, who will?"

He began sewing again, nearly finished, and as he clipped the last of the thread, he looked at her seriously. He set his tools on the table next to the bed and when he moved closer to her, Jenny refused to look at him.

"Jennifer."

She slowly raised her eyes to his, and he opened his arms with a sad smile. Unable to help herself, Jenny blinked, finally letting the tears slip and she fell into the doctor's embrace. He held her close, his hand smoothing over her hair, and as she cried, he wished there were more he could to do help.

"It's going to be alright. You have so many people who love you and we're not going to let you fall."

"I want it all to stop, Ducky."

He frowned.

"The last time you said that to me, you nearly killed yourself, Jennifer."

He shifted, holding her at arm's length to look at her, his expression serious.

"Are you feeling that way now?"

She shook her head, but he didn't believe her.

"Don't lie to me."

"It has to be better than this," she whispered.

The doctor's head shook.

"No, my dear. You being dead wouldn't make anything better. You told me once that it was selfish to ask you to keep living simply to keep others from being hurt. What about you? If you weren't here, think of all the wonderful things you would miss out on. Think of the moments with Jethro that you wouldn't be able to experience. You would never get to see him smile at you, never kiss him, you'd never get to hear him tell you how much he loves you. Are you really willing to let all of that go?"

Jenny sighed, knowing that logically, Ducky was absolutely right, but her mind simply didn't care about logic. She looked at him, begging him silently to understand, and shook her head.

"Ducky, have you ever been in the middle of laughing at something only to realise that you're faking it? It hits you like a truck. You suddenly realise "This should be funny. I should be laughing sincerely at it, but I can't", and it's horrible. Even things that you used to enjoy."

Ducky took her hand, kissing it gently.

"How long have you felt this way?"

"A long time. Even before Harrison—both of them. I tried to ignore it, but it's getting worse."

He frowned.

"Have you spoken to Jethro about this?"

She shook her head, hair sticking to her damp cheek.

"He doesn't need to worry about me. He has problems of his own."

The doctor sighed and she raised her eyes to his.

"Jennifer, have you ever considered speaking with a professional about this? They would be able to help you. Perhaps even prescribe something to make it easier."

"I don't need therapy, Ducky. Or pills."

"You've just described the symptoms of clinical depression, my dear. There's absolutely no shame in seeking help. Will you at least consider it?"

Jenny frowned, turning his words over in her head.

"Couldn't I just talk to you? You _are_ a doctor."

"You are always welcome to talk to me, my dear Jennifer, but I am a medical examiner. I am not a psychologist by trade. It's not my field of expertise."

He hugged her gently, placing a kiss on her cheek, just under the cut he had stitched earlier, and gave her a smile. As he stood, Jenny threw her arms around him again, and she gave him a light kiss.

"Thank you, Ducky."

"Anytime. Get some rest, my dear. Remember what I told you: no strenuous activity, even more so now. No exceptions."

Jenny smiled.

"Doctor's orders?"

"Doctor's orders."

* * *

Gibbs turned at the sound of footsteps on the stairs of his basement and took a drink of his bourbon. He knew there was no way Jenny had navigated the steps, and that only left one person. The doctor came into view, smiling as he saw him, and Gibbs nodded in greeting.

"How's Jen?"

"I have no doubt that she'll make a full recovery. She's very lucky."

"Want a drink, Duck?"

The doctor shook his head.

"No, thank you. I only came down to—what are those?"

His gaze had fallen on the silver wedding bands on the work table, and he frowned. He knew Gibbs still had his wedding band from Shannon, but as far as he knew, it was kept safe in a box.

"Found them in Jenny's jean pocket. They're from when we worked in Paris."

"And are you planning on using them again?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Nope. Jen would never marry me. I'm just curious about why they were in her pocket. I'll ask later."

Ducky sighed, running a hand over his face, unsure of how much to tell him.

"Jethro...I don't want to betray Jennifer's trust by telling you too much, but keep an eye on her. She's in a very dark place right now, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned."

"That what you came down to tell me?"

"Partly. The other thing I wanted to tell you is that I meant what I said. Absolutely _no_ strenuous activity. As difficult as that may be for you both, you can't risk exacerbating Jennifer's injuries."

Gibbs smirked, nodding at Ducky as he took another drink.

"I get it, Duck. We'll behave."

Though he didn't look as though he entirely believed him, Ducky nodded and turned, heading for the stairs.

"Good night, Jethro."

"Night. And thanks."

Ducky waved in response, and Gibbs set his mason jar on the table, picking up the rings. Now that they were alone, he fully intended to make sure Jenny realised just how much she meant to him.

* * *

He'd expected Jenny to be asleep as he entered the bedroom, so when she gave him a soft smile as he sat next to her, he returned it with a bit of confusion.

"How do you feel?"

She shrugged.

"I've had worse."

He frowned.

"The truth, Jen."

Jenny sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Fine. Hurts like a bitch. Happy?"

Smirking, Gibbs leaned in to kiss her and he tapped the end of her nose lightly.

"Really, Jethro. I have had worse."

"Cairo?"

She nodded. At least this time, she'd not been so near death that she was delirious. Of course, Harrison had said it was never his intention to kill her. Gibbs watched her for a moment, trying to keep up with wide range of emotions he saw pass through her eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet.

"Jen, maybe you should take some time off. God knows you probably have enough vacation time saved up."

She frowned, looking at him seriously.

"Who would run the agency?"

"Vance. He's Assistant Director, isn't he?"

Jenny bristled at the sound of his name and Gibbs frowned. He hadn't known Jenny harboured any bad feelings for her second-in-command, but it seemed he was mistaken.

"I don't trust him."

"I don't either," Gibbs said seriously, "He owes me a danish."

Jenny reached out and smacked his arm lightly.

"I'm serious, Jethro. You don't think he would love the chance to see me fail? He's never approved of me."

"To be fair Jen, I'm sure a lot of people would like to see you fail. Power comes with enemies."

She nodded, blowing her hair out of her face in frustration.

"I can still do my job, Jethro."

His head shook.

"Didn't say that. I'm just thinking about your health. This has been rough on all of us, but you've been the focus of everything. You need time to recover."

She didn't answer, and he reached out to touch her cheek gently.

"Will you at least think about it?"

His words, so similar to Ducky's, were spoken so softly that she almost didn't catch them. She nodded, and he gave her a long look. She knew he was trying to decide if he believed her, and when he smiled, she felt a wave a relief wash over her. At least for now, that particular discussion was over.

Jenny was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice him pulling out the rings in his pocket and his low voice made her jump slightly.

"Found these in your pocket."

She looked at the silver in his hand, and felt a slight blush creep into her skin. She'd never wanted him to know that she'd been feeling nostalgic about the early days of their relationship, nor that she'd kept them all these years.

"I thought I'd lost that ring after you left. When did you take it?"

"The night before I left," she said quietly, "You took it off to shower and I put it in my bag."

"Why'd you keep them?"

She shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess to remind me of what I gave up to get where I am. I'm not proud of what I did, Jethro. If I could do it over...I would have done it differently."

He nodded, holding out her ring.

"Here. I'm leaving this up to you. If you ever decide that you want to marry me, you can put it on."

"Scared of rejection?" she asked with a laugh.

He shook his head.

"No. I'm letting you have the control. You decide when the time is right. Even if you never want to marry me, I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. I told you months ago: you set the pace. It's your call."

Jenny reached out, taking the ring from his hand and she set it on the table next to the bed.

"I'll wear it as a necklace."

He frowned, the words sounding vaguely familiar. It finally came to him and he laughed.

"Didn't you say you would wear that bullet I cut out of your leg as a necklace?"

She laughed, remembering it clearly.

"It didn't match any of my outfits," she said dryly.

He leaned forward, kissing her forehead, and Jenny reached up to run her fingers through his hair. He noticed that her hand was shaking, and he frowned as he realised just how pale she'd become.

"Get some rest, Jen. I'll be close if you need me."

Unable to fight the exhaustion any longer, she nodded, leaning back and closing her eyes. He brushed her hair back gently. It wasn't long before her body had given in to sleep and as he left the room, he looked back at her, smiling sadly.

"I love you."

* * *

Gibbs glared at her as she dressed for work, and though she could feel his icy stare as she moved, Jenny pointedly ignored it. She winced as she pulled on her heels and as she straightened up, her vision was filled with black spots. Closing her eyes, she waited a few seconds before standing and Gibbs sighed in frustration.

"Thought you said you'd consider taking time off."

"I did. I'll be fine."

He glared again and she rolled her eyes.

"Jethro, I'm thirty-six years old. I'm not a child."

Though he knew it was pointless to argue, he still had to bite his tongue to stop the retort on his lips. He watched her closely as she slowly walked down the stairs and as they climbed into his truck, she flashed him a smile. At least for the time being, she'd won.

* * *

The stares of her employees followed her as she walked to her office and as she closed the door, Jenny was beginning to wonder if she'd made a mistake. She picked up her coffee with hands that refused to stop shaking, and she took a careful sip, not trusting herself to not spill it. She knew she probably should have taken Gibbs' advice, but the perfectionist in her wouldn't allow her to take time off.

"Director Shepard?"

"Yes, Cynthia?"

"Commander Roberts is here for your meeting."

Jenny sighed, taking another drink of coffee.

"Send him in, Cynthia."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you."

As her assistant escorted Commander Roberts into her office, Jenny arranged her features in her best politician's smile, and held out her hand.

"Good morning, Commander Roberts."

"Director Shepard. I trust you're doing well this morning, ma'am?"

She nodded, gesturing for him to sit. As they began the tedious meeting, Jenny found herself struggling to focus. Glancing at her watch, she sighed internally, willing the time to move faster. This was going to be brutal.

* * *

Gibbs sat silently in the interrogation room, waiting to see how long it would take before their suspect broke.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Apparently not long.

"Lieutenant, when was the last time you spoke to your wife?"

"This morning, before I left the house. Don't you talk to your wife before you go to work?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Not married," he replied, his thoughts flickering to a certain redhead upstairs.

"Smart."

"You two have any kind of fights lately?"

Lieutenant West frowned, shaking his head.

"Not really."

"Neighbours said they heard you yelling last night. Got pretty loud. Cops were called."

As the suspect began glancing around the room nervously, Gibbs fought to keep his expression neutral. Now they were getting somewhere.

* * *

Jenny sank down in her chair as soon as Commander Roberts had left, trying to ignore the lightheaded feeling she'd had all day. She blinked hard, trying to make her eyes focus, and it took her longer than she'd ever admit to register the light knocking on her door. Cynthia peered around the corner, not wanting to disturb her boss if she were sleeping, and when Jenny waved her in, she frowned.

"Is everything alright, Director?"

"I'm fine," Jenny replied, her voice tight, "What can I do for you?"

"Agent Lee brought these files up from legal for you to sign."

Nodding, Jenny gestured to her desk.

"Just leave them there. I'll get to them soon."

"Yes, ma'am."

Though she was concerned with the paleness of Jenny's skin, Cynthia was unsure if she should comment. She didn't want to overstep her boundaries, and yet she wanted to help.

"Is there anything else, Cynthia?"

The younger girl shook her head.

"No, Director."

Jenny stood, meaning to walk her assistant to the door, and as she took a few unsteady steps, her vision went black. Cynthia was by her side in an instant, kneeling down carefully, and as she felt for a pulse, she sighed in relief. Standing, the younger girl reached for Jenny's desk phone and quickly dialed autopsy, hoping the doctor wasn't busy.

"Autopsy."

"Doctor Mallard, this is Cynthia Sumner, Director Shepard's assistant. Could you come up to her office? It's urgent."

"Yes, of course."

"Thank you."

* * *

As Ducky knelt down to examine Jenny, he was thankful for Cynthia's discretion. She'd immediately given them privacy, and as the redhead's eyes slowly opened, he gave her a smile.

"Good morning, Jennifer. I do wish it were under more pleasant circumstances."

Jenny frowned, wincing as she tried to sit up. Ducky placed a gentle hand on her back, helping her to an upright position.

"Are you alright, my dear?"

She nodded, her head still spinning, and he frowned, pulling out a small flashlight. Jenny flinched as he shone the bright light into her eyes and he smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry, I know it's uncomfortable."

As he held her wrist in his hand, he began counting, noting that her pulse was slightly elevated. He frowned, and held out his hand as he stood. She took it, stumbling slightly, and he caught her before she could hit the ground again.

"Jennifer, I don't want to overstep, but perhaps you should consider taking an early day."

She shook her head, glaring at him.

"I'm fine."

He sighed at her stubborn reply, but nodded nonetheless. As he finished looking her over, he frowned, his eyes serious as they met hers.

"You're over-stressed. If you insist on staying, make sure you stay hydrated, avoid moving too quickly, and don't work too late. As soon as the work day is over, I expect you to go home. If need be, I'll have Jethro carry you out."

She gave him a small smile and touched his shoulder gently.

"Thanks, Ducky."

"Be careful, my dear."

* * *

Gibbs' eyes searched the cold autopsy room for the Scottish doctor and when he didn't see him, he frowned. The doors slid open, and as Jimmy Palmer entered, Gibbs turned his attention to the younger man.

"Where is he, Palmer?"

"Oh, Agent Gibbs! He had to go up to see the Director. I don't think he'll be long."

Nodding, Gibbs turned and headed to the elevator, nearly colliding with Ducky as he stepped on.

"Jethro, how can I help you?"

He jerked his head and Ducky stayed on the lift, smiling as Gibbs hit the emergency switch.

"Got anything on our case?"

"I'm afraid not. Nothing that will help. Lieutenant West's wife was a heavy smoker, and the wound on the side of her head suggests blunt force trauma, but that's all I have so far. I was called away in the middle of my examination."

Gibbs frowned.

"Jenny?"

The doctor shook his head.

"Cynthia, actually. She called on Jennifer's behalf."

"Why didn't she call you herself? Or me?"

"Our lovely Director was unable to make the call."

"She okay?"

Ducky sighed, looking at his friend seriously.

"She was unconscious when I arrived, but she's fine now. Jethro, she's severely over-stressed, exhausted and she needs to take time to recover. She refuses to acknowledge the trauma she's endured, and until she does, this will keep happening."

Gibbs nodded, knowing that the doctor was speaking with Jenny's best interest in mind.

"Make sure she leaves with you tonight. Doctor's orders, she's not to work any more than necessary."

"Thanks, Duck. I'll get her out on time."

He flipped the switch, and the doors of the elevator slid open slowly. Gibbs smirked as he hit the button that would take him to the catwalk and tried not to laugh at the thought of whatever protests Jenny would try to keep him from making her leave.

* * *

As she sat behind her desk that evening, Jenny Shepard turned the ring hanging from her throat over in her hands thoughtfully. She'd never honestly considered being married, much less married to Gibbs, and she wasn't sure if it was something she even wanted. She enjoyed what they currently had, and given his track record with wives, she didn't particularly want to be another in his long line of exes.

Her door swung open, and she immediately dropped the ring, letting it fall against her shirt, smiling at the very man she'd just been thinking of.

"Jethro. How's your case coming?"

"Slow. My medical examiner was called away in the middle of the autopsy. You know anything about that?"

To her credit, she didn't show any sign of embarrassment at being found out, and she met his eyes coolly.

"I take it you've seen Ducky."

He raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed.

"Jethro, it's nothing. I'm just a little tired."

He moved closer to her desk as as he leaned over it, his eyes caught the glint of silver around her throat. Reaching down to take the ring between his fingers, he smiled.

"You really are wearing it as a necklace."

Jenny nodded, pulling him down to her, kissing him deeply.

"Told you I would."

He kissed her again, pulling her hair from its clip, and as it fell around her shoulders, Jenny gasped.

"Jethro, people will talk."

"They already do, Jen. Word is that we've had sex in every room of this building and even on Ducky's autopsy table."

"Hm...sounds cold."

He smirked.

"Very."

As he tangled his hand in her hair, she smirked. His lips grazed her throat and as her head fell back, his breath was warm on her skin.

"Jen..."

"Hm?"

"Take some time off."

Through the haze of pleasure, his words registered in her mind, and she pulled away.

"That's not fair, Jethro."

He smirked, and straightened up.

"Jen, I only want you to be safe. Please."

Sighing, she nodded, and looked at him tiredly.

"I'll file the paperwork in the morning."

Gibbs held out his hand, and as she took it, he led her around the desk, smiling as he pulled her closer. Her hands trailed over his jacket, making their way up to his hair and as she leaned in to kiss him, the quiet knock made her jump back as if she'd been burned. Grabbing the clip from her desk, she quickly pulled her hair back and as Cynthia entered, she gave the young woman a warm smile.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Director, but unless you need anything else, I'm heading out for the night."

"No, thank you, Cynthia. You're free to go. Have a good night."

"Thank you, ma'am. Good night, Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded in her direction, and as the door shut behind her, Jenny burst into laughter, covering her mouth with her hand.

"I think you should give Cynthia a raise."

"I would if I could, Jethro. She definitely deserves one, dealing with you."

Lightly, so as not to cause her any real pain, Gibbs brought his hand to the back of her head and Jenny looked at him, shocked.

"Don't be a smart ass, Shepard."

Without warning, Jenny delivered her own slap to the back of his head, and he glared at her.

"Don't give me such good opportunities then, Jethro."

He smirked as he pulled her against him tightly, and as their lips met, she couldn't stop smiling. When he led her to the door, she rested her head on his shoulder as they walked, for once not caring if anyone saw them.

* * *

"The Director was pretty beaten up the last time she was here."

"She passed out in her office last week."

"I heard that she's pregnant and Agent Gibbs is the father."

"Well, she _has _been living with him since her house caught fire."

"Think she'll be his next ex-wife?"

Gibbs frowned as he tried to pretend that he didn't hear the whispers of his colleagues as he sat behind his desk, and when his phone rang, he silently rejoiced for the interruption.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Is the agency still intact?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes.

"You're supposed to be resting, not worrying about us. We've got this. Vance will be here in about five minutes."

"He's _late_? Typical. If he ruins everything I've worked for in the span of two weeks, I'll get Abby to kill him."

"Stop worrying."

"Jethro, he'll—"

"_Goodbye_, Jenny."

As he hung up, he noticed the younger man standing in front of him and he smiled.

"Good morning, Agent Gibbs."

He nodded.

"Assistant Director Vance."

"Get a case?" Vance asked, indicating the phone call.

Gibbs shook his head.

"No. Personal."

"Where's your team?"

Gibbs smirked, nodding his head.

"Right behind you."

Vance turned, nodding at the members of the MCRT, and as he spoke, Tony couldn't tear his eyes away from the toothpick clenched between his teeth.

"Okay, listen. I know Director Shepard has her own way of doing things. She prefers to be personally involved in your cases. I do not. I am not to be disturbed unless it is of the utmost importance. Is that understood?"

They all nodded, and as Vance began walking toward the stairs to Jenny's office, he called over his shoulder.

"Keep all personal calls under two minutes, Agent Gibbs."

* * *

Abby frowned as Gibbs walked into her lab, not even brightening when he handed her a CAF-POW. There was something different in the Goth's lab, and though he tried, Gibbs couldn't put his finger on what it was.

"What's wrong, Abs?"

"Gibbs, how long is the Director going to be gone?"

"She'll be back next week. Why?"

"Vance made me turn off my music. He said it was a distraction and against company policy."

Gibbs frowned. Now he understood what it was that was so different: he could actually hear himself think. He reached out to hug the younger woman and gave her a reassuring smile.

"It's just for a week, Abs."

"Can't you do something? Call Director Shepard and have her tell him that he can't do this? I need my music to work, Gibbs. I can't function without it."

Gibbs shook his head, kissing her cheek softly.

"Sorry, Abby. My hands are tied. He's in charge until Director Shepard comes back."

As he walked out of the eerily silent lab, Abby frowned, crossing her arms over her chest. This was going to be the longest week ever.

* * *

Opening his front door, Gibbs was surprised to find Jenny sitting on his couch, her feet tucked under her, reading a book. She didn't appear to have heard him as he closed the door and when he called her name, she didn't look up. He crossed the room, leaning over her to kiss the top of her head and she jumped.

"Jesus, Jethro! You scared the hell out of me."

He smirked.

"I tried to get your attention. How was your day?"

She smiled, and he noticed that it seemed more genuine than any smile she'd given him since Christmas.

"It was nice. Yours?"

"Interesting. Did you know that you're pregnant?"

She laughed, raising her eyebrows.

"Am I? That's great! Who's the father?"

"Me. And you might be might be my next ex-wife by the end of the year."

Jenny placed her hand over her heart mockingly.

"Just what I've always wanted! Jethro, how did you know?"

He smirked, kissing her gently.

"Just a hunch."

She moved over enough to give him room to sit down and he reached for the book left forgotten in her lap.

"Any good?"

Jenny frowned.

"Not sure yet. It's a little difficult to follow. It was my father's."

He smiled as he noticed the bookmark keeping her place. He held his finger on the proper page and turned the marker over in his other hand.

"You made this for him?"

She nodded, somewhat embarrassed.

"I was six. I was so excited to see his face when he opened it. I didn't know he'd kept it until a week ago."

Gibbs placed it back in the book, standing up and making his way over to his own sparse bookshelf. He pulled down a cup that had been covered in clay, the figures of a boat, a fish, and a fisherman decorating the sides, and he handed it to her carefully.

"Kelly made me this when she was that age. It was her Father's Day present."

Jenny's fingers lightly trailed over the cup, her eyes filling with tears even as she smiled.

"It's precious, Jethro. She loved you so much."

He nodded.

"Sometimes I feel guilty for not being here when they were killed. I couldn't save them. Kelly begged me not to go, but I had no choice."

"Jethro," Jenny whispered, her hand reaching for his, "it wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done."

He held her hand gently, bringing it to his lips.

"I suppose everything happens for a reason. And I'm not sure if I would change it even if I could. Don't get me wrong, I would give anything to see them again, but...every event in my life has led me to this point. It brought me to you."

"You don't mean that," she said softly, "If you could have Shannon and Kelly back, you would give up anything. Even me."

He shook his head.

"Jen, if Shannon and Kelly had survived, we might have ended up divorced and hating each other, like my other ex-wives. Kelly might have resented me for leaving and never spoken to me again. As horrible as it sounds, maybe this was better. I can treasure the memories I have without them being tarnished."

He tilted her head up so that she was looking at him and he smiled.

"I love you, Jen. Nothing will ever change that. Even if you left right now and I never saw you again, I would still love you. After all, I did it for six years after Paris."

She smiled, and he kissed her gently, holding her close to him. After a few moments of silence, Jenny suddenly began laughing, and Gibbs pulled back to look at her seriously.

"What?"

"I was just thinking," she laughed, "What are we going to name our non-existent baby?"

"Norman," he said immediately.

It was such an absurd idea that he couldn't stop himself from laughing as he leaned in to kiss her again.

"How long should we let that one go on before we crush their dreams?"

"Oh, at least until I get back, Jethro. I want to enjoy some of the fun."

He stood, holding out his hand and as she followed him into the basement, he turned to smile at her.

"Feel like ordering takeout?"

Jenny nodded, smiling at him.

"Sure. Norman and I are hungry."

The laughter that fell from her lips as he threw her over his shoulder was the best sound he'd heard in years.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	19. Babysitters and Music

**A/N: In which Abby deals with working under Vance, and Jenny gets a surprise. Hope you like it. Also, this is completely unrelated to this story (but kinda is at the same time), but I recently commented on Lauren Holly's Instagram post, and she actually replied! You guys, do you know how awesome that is? Lauren fucking Holly, Jenny herself, actually replied to me. Okay, done fangirling now. Sorry.**

* * *

Jenny was surprised when she was led in the direction of Abby's lab almost as soon as she entered the building, but Gibbs refused to answer any of her questions. They walked through the sliding doors and Gibbs pointed to the younger woman's music player.

"She's been without it since you left."

Jenny frowned.

"Why?"

"Vance told her it was a distraction and against company policy."

"That's ridiculous."

"Might want to turn it on for her."

Jenny shook her head, searching the room for a piece of paper. Pulling out a pen, she quickly wrote the scientist a message, and as Gibbs read it over her shoulder, he smirked. She propped the note up against the large CAF-POW they had brought and as they walked to the elevator, Gibbs kissed her cheek.

"Good to have you back, Jen."

* * *

Abby smiled when she returned to her lab to find the giant caffeinated drink sitting in front of her computer, but frowned as she picked up the note leaning against it.

_Abby-_

_ Play your music as loud as you want. Sorry for the inconvenience. Vance's toothpicks can't threaten you now._

_ -Director Shepard_

The Goth's face broke out into a huge smile and she bolted from the lab, heading straight for the elevator. As she entered the squad room, her eyes immediately landed on Gibbs and she ran over to him, ignoring everyone else standing nearby.

"Gibbs, where's the Director?"

He frowned.

"In her office."

"Can you ask her to come down?"

Nodding, he picked up his phone, dialing Jenny's desk. She answered on the first ring, her voice warm.

"Shepard."

"Director, could you come down to the squad room?"

"Is something wrong?"

"You'll have to find out."

"Don't be cute, Jethro."

She hung up and he nodded to Abby.

"On her way."

Jenny walked down the steps, her eyes roaming over the MCRT and when they noticed Abby, she had to fight to keep from smiling. She stopped in front of Gibbs' desk, frowning slightly.

"What's the problem?"

Abby launched herself across the room, flinging herself onto Jenny and Gibbs placed a hand at her back to keep her upright.

"Thank you, Director! You don't know how much this means to me."

Jenny laughed, slightly shocked, and when the younger woman had finally released her, Jenny gave her a smile.

"You're welcome, Abby. I hope it helps."

Abby hugged her again and before she walked away, she turned to Gibbs, hugging him as well.

"Thanks, _El Jefe._"

Gibbs frowned, shaking his head.

"Wasn't me. It was all the Director's idea."

As Abby bounded to the elevator, Jenny found herself laughing quietly, and for the first time in months, she realised it wasn't forced. She looked at Gibbs, a smile on her face and he raised his eyebrow in question.

"Lunch later?"

He nodded.

"Sure. What does Norman want?"

Jenny very nearly burst into laughter in the middle of the squad room, and the puzzled expression on Tony DiNozzo's face was decidedly _not_ helping matters.

"What if Norman's a girl?" she asked seriously.

"Norma, then."

"Hmm...I think Norman/Norma wants steak."

He nodded, and Jenny walked away, her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. As she disappeared from sight, McGee looked to his boss, confused.

"Who's Norman?"

"I am also confused," came Ziva's voice from behind him.

"Didn't you hear, McGee? The Director's pregnant."

The loud clattering of Tony falling from his chair made everyone jump.

"She is?!"

The glare Gibbs gave him was enough to make him want to bury his head in the ground for all of eternity.

* * *

Jenny sighed as she stood in front of the large screen in MTAC, trying not to avert her eyes. The op she'd been overseeing had just, quite literally, blown up in her face and she had no idea how she was going to handle telling the families of her agents that they'd been killed. It was by far the most difficult part of the job and though she knew it came with the territory, it was never easy.

She sank down into the nearest chair, resting her head in her hands and as the door to MTAC opened, she frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Our op was a bust. I just lost three very valuable agents. Now I have to tell their families that they aren't coming home."

Gibbs laid his hand on her shoulder, his eyes serious.

"I know it's hard, Jen, but...you can do this."

She looked at him sadly, and he nodded encouragingly.

"I believe in you."

Jenny sighed, and as she stood to walk into her office, he noticed that her steps were more than a little unsteady.

* * *

Hanging up the phone, Jenny blinked, feeling the familiar sting of tears burning her eyes. The last phone call had been by far the most brutal and she laid her head on her desk tiredly. She hardly glanced up as her office door swung open and as Gibbs stood in front of her, waiting, she sighed.

"Yes, Jethro?"

"Day's over. Time to go."

She shook her head.

"I'm not finished working."

He glared at her and she returned it, her temper flaring.

"Don't give me the stare. I'm busy."

"I don't care. Get your coat. I'm taking you home."

Jenny's eyes flashed angrily, and she met his coolly.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

She shook her head again, almost laughing at his boldness.

"Jethro, you can't _force_ me to go home just because I'm staying with you. I still have a lot of work to do here."

"It can wait."

She ignored him, picking up her glasses to read the report on her desk and when his hand closed around her wrist, she frowned. He pulled her up from the chair and as she jerked her wrist free, she backed away quickly.

"What are you doing?"

"I told you. I'm taking you home. Now."

He reached for her again, and she moved closer to the window, fury flashing in her emerald eyes.

"You don't own me, Jethro. I'm not leaving until I finish what I'm working on."

He laughed bitterly.

"At this rate, you'll never leave."

"If that's what it takes, so be it."

He took a step closer and it wasn't until she backed into the glass of the window that he realised what was in her eyes underneath her anger. She was scared. He frowned, but stayed where he was.

"Jenny," his voice was softer now, "you know I would never hurt you."

"Don't touch me," she whispered.

"I won't. But I can't let you stay here. It's not good for you."

Jenny laughed, her anger taking over once more, and she tossed her hair over her shoulder incredulously.

"You're not serious. I'm not leaving, no matter _what_ you think is good for me."

Gibbs glared at her, reaching across her desk to switch off her computer. Jenny gaped at him, unable to speak, and when he grabbed her jacket, she finally found her voice.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking you home," he said simply, "Let's go."

"Jethro, I've already told y—"

"I'm not going to risk losing you, Jen!"

His raised voice made her jump and when she spoke, her own voice was barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"You're exhausted, you're still recovering, and whether you like it or not, you need to slow down. At least for awhile."

"I just came back from a two-week break, Jethro," she reminded him.

"Wasn't enough. When you're here, it changes you. You put everything but this damn job on hold, and it's not healthy. Don't tell me that you don't see it. Your hands shake, you drink more, you don't sleep, you hardly eat. Until Ducky gives you the all-clear, I'm not going to let you risk your health. Not for this. It's not worth it. Not to me."

Jenny frowned and this time as he approached her, she didn't move. He held out his hand, looking at her expectantly. She took it slowly, and when he smiled at her, she returned it sadly.

"Don't make me carry you out," he warned.

She glared at him.

"You wouldn't dare."

He raised an eyebrow, smirking at her.

"No? Everyone knows about us now, Jen. Half the building thinks you're pregnant. I don't think they would even notice."

He pulled her to him, sweeping her into his arms, and as he carried her into Cynthia's outer office, she struggled to keep her voice quiet.

"Jethro, put me down," she hissed.

Setting her on her feet, he threw her his trademark smirk and handed her the jacket he had picked up earlier. Glaring up at him, she slid her arms through the sleeves, and he led her down the stairs, his hand at the small of her back. As they entered the elevator, Jenny smacked his arm harder than she intended.

"Don't _ever_ do that again," she warned.

"Anything you say, Director."

* * *

Sipping her bourbon quietly, Jenny frowned as she watched Gibbs move around his basement, searching for tools. They hadn't spoken on the drive to his house, and now as he worked, she wondered if perhaps she'd overreacted to his concern.

"Jethro?"

He tilted his head in question and she continued.

"I may have overreacted tonight. I'm sorry."

He nodded and approached her slowly.

"It's okay. I'm not trying to control your life, but I don't want you to overdo it."

She touched his am lightly, taking his hand in hers and with a smile, she pulled him to the stairs.

"Come on, gunny. I've got something for you that you're not going to find in that toolbox."

He allowed her to lead him upstairs, and when they tumbled into his bed minutes later, he looked down at her seriously.

"Ducky said no strenuous activity. Pretty sure this counts as strenuous."

Jenny shook her head, raising up to kiss him.

"We can be careful."

"Jen..."

"Jethro..." she said in the same teasing tone.

He sighed, and as she kissed him, he ran his fingers through her hair. He let his hands wander over her body and as he slipped his hand under her shirt, she gasped. His tongue explored her mouth, nearly intoxicated on the taste of bourbon and Jenny, and as she struggled to catch her breath, he frowned.

"Jen?"

She shook her head slowly, trying to pretend that every breath wasn't setting her chest on fire, and he raised up, his eyes worried.

"I'm calling Ducky."

Jenny's eyes widened, and she reached for his hand.

"I'm...I'm fine, Jethro. Just give me a minute."

He considered her for a moment, then shook his head.

"Nope. Calling Ducky."

He dialed the doctor's number and as he waited for an answer, he watched Jenny out of the corner of his eye.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Duck. I know it's late, but can you come by? Jenny's having trouble breathing, and I'd like you to take a look."

"Certainly. I'm on my way."

"Y-you're overreacting, J-Jethro," Jenny said weakly, "I'm fine."

"Yeah, because you _sound_ perfect, Jen," he replied sarcastically.

She glared at him, but didn't release her hold on his hand. Her breathing was improving somewhat, but she didn't think she'd be running a marathon any time soon.

* * *

Ducky frowned as he examined the younger woman, and as he checked her pulse, he glanced over at Gibbs.

"If I had to give you my best guess, Jethro, it seems that there is significant fluid building up within her lungs."

"And that means?"

"The most likely causes are pneumonia, exposure to toxins, trauma to the chest wall, or a heart condition. I'd have to test further to be sure."

He turned to the younger man, looking at him seriously.

"Did you listen to me when I said no strenuous activity?"

They both nodded, and Jenny spoke up softly.

"We haven't done anything, Ducky. We were going to—"

"I expressly told you _not_ to do that, Jennifer."

"We stopped because she couldn't breathe."

"All he did was kiss me, Ducky. I promise," Jenny assured him.

The doctor glared at them both, and Jenny felt her skin grow hot.

"Won't happen again, Ducky."

"It'd better not."

As Ducky finished drawing a small vial of Jenny's blood, he stood, kissing her on the cheek.

"Get some rest, my dear. I'll run this and get back to you as soon as I can."

Jenny nodded, squeezing Gibbs' hand gently as he left, and when she fell into a restless sleep twenty minutes later, she didn't notice the tears slipping from her closed eyes.

* * *

Gibbs was more than a little relieved when he answered his phone and heard the Scottish doctor's voice on the other end.

"Jethro, it looks like Jennifer will be fine. Her lungs are still recovering from the smoke inhalation she suffered two weeks ago, and though she may have difficulty breathing for awhile, it doesn't appear to be life-threatening."

"Thanks, Ducky."

"How is our lovely Director?"

"Fine right now. She's reading a book."

"Oh, really? Which one?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"No idea. Didn't ask."

They continued to speak for a few minutes and when he hung up, he immediately made his way into the bedroom. Jenny smiled as she saw him, and he leaned down to kiss her gently.

"Smoke inhalation caused a little more damage to your lungs than we thought. You'll be okay in a week or so."

Jenny nodded, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair.

"I didn't mean to worry you, Jethro."

He waved her words away.

"It's okay. Don't know what I'd have done without you though. Having to report to Vance all the time."

She laughed.

"That sounds like torture. Abby would never survive."

"No doubt. Neither would Norman."

Still laughing, she looked at him seriously.

"Jethro...I know we've never really discussed it, but...is having more children something you want?"

He frowned, thinking. After losing Kelly, he'd never even stopped to consider having another child.

"I wouldn't be opposed to the idea, but I'm not actively trying. Why? Is there something you want to tell me?"

Jenny shook her head, quickly backtracking.

"No, it's just...these rumours have made me think about it."

"Is it...Jen, is it something _you_ want?"

She was silent for a long moment, and when she spoke next, she chose her words carefully.

"I don't know. I've never even thought about having children. If it happened, I would love the child I'm sure, but I don't think I'd be a very good mother."

Gibbs wrapped an arm around her, kissing her hair.

"Fair enough. At least now it's been discussed. But for the record, I think you'd be a great mother."

Jenny smirked.

"I have enough trouble dealing with our children at work. I don't need anything more."

He laughed, looking at her seriously.

"Yeah, we've definitely got our hands full with them."

"Mommy needs a nap just thinking about it," Jenny laughed.

"Abby would die if she heard you call yourself that."

"Remind me to never say it again."

"Done."

* * *

Abby never realised how much she owed Jenny for a lot of the freedom she was allowed at work until Vance returned to take over in the redhead's absence. True, Morrow had never shown any indication of having a problem with the way she worked, but Jenny could have easily enforced company policy when she was appointed in his stead. When Gibbs had told her that Jenny would be out for a few more days to recover, the Goth had understood, but she also worried about what that meant for her.

When she walked in, she went straight for her CD player, only to find that it was no longer where it had been previously. An official-looking piece of paper was taped to the wall, and as Abby's bright green eyes skimmed over it, they filled with tears.

_Company policy, Ms. Sciuto. Sorry for the inconvenience._

Turning on her heel, Abby furiously left her lab, going to talk to the one person who might be able to fix her problem.

* * *

The knock on Gibbs' front door made him frown, and as he made his way up his basement steps, he tried to think of anyone who would take the time to knock. It was common knowledge that he left his door unlocked, and most people just walked in. Of course, he had been locking it since Jenny had come back into his life, but with one Harrison dead and the other in prison, he had fallen back into old habits.

He pulled it open, revealing a very upset Abby Sciuto, and when he let her inside, he frowned.

"What's wrong, Abs?"

"I need to talk to the Director. Is she here?"

He nodded.

"Upstairs. What's going on?"

Abby shook her head.

"I need to talk to the Director," she repeated.

He sighed, nodding once.

"Be right back."

As he walked up the stairs to their bedroom (he didn't even realise he'd already begun to subconsciously refer to it as such), he hoped that Jenny was awake. He really didn't want the first thing she dealt with that day to be a hysterical forensic scientist. There were some things even he couldn't handle early in the morning.

He was relieved to find Jenny sitting up in the bed, her father's book in her hand and when he moved closer to her, she glanced up.

"Morning, Jethro."

"Morning. Sleep well?"

She nodded, smiling at him.

"Better, anyway. You?"

"Always sleep good next to you."

He leaned down to kiss her and when he pulled away, he looked at her seriously.

"Abby's downstairs. She wants to talk to you."

Jenny frowned.

"Why?"

He shrugged.

"Should I send her up?"

She shook her head, running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll go down."

"Jenny—"

"Jethro, I refuse to have a visitor sent up to this room like I'm some sort of invalid. I'm perfectly capable of going down to the living room."

He sighed, knowing she would never back down from this.

"Just be careful. You're still not one hundred percent yet."

Setting her book aside, Jenny slowly swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. She was still a bit unsteady on her feet and when she stumbled, Gibbs caught her arm to steady her.

"Let me help you," he growled seriously.

Sighing, Jenny nodded and he wrapped his arm around her waist. As they neared the bedroom door, he fought the urge to roll his eyes at her stubbornness. She'd be the death of him someday.

* * *

Against his better judgment, Gibbs helped Jenny carefully down the stairs, hoping neither one of them slipped on the way. Abby turned when she heard their footsteps and she frowned at the sight of Jenny in his embrace. She hadn't realised how sick the redhead had been, and when Gibbs finally released her, Abby looked away, pretending she hadn't seen.

"Abby. You wanted to see me?"

The young woman nodded, black pigtails swinging, and Jenny smiled.

"Vance took my CD player."

Gibbs frowned.

"He did what?"

"I went into my lab this morning and it was gone. He left a stupid little note reminding me about company policy. Isn't there anything you can do, Director?"

Jenny was silent for a moment, and when she spoke next, her voice was deadly calm.

"Jethro, would you bring me my phone?"

He nodded, and as the two women waited for him to return, Abby looked at the redhead seriously.

"Director Shepard...you're going to be okay, right?"

Her voice was small, and Jenny reached out to touch her knee lightly, offering her a reassuring smile.

"I'm fine, Abby. Ducky says I can come back in a few days. For good, this time."

"Good. Vance is a terrible babysitter."

Jenny arched a perfect eyebrow.

"Babysitter?" she repeated, confused.

"Well yeah, it makes sense. You're Mommy, Gibbs is Daddy, Ducky's our grandfather, and Vance is the annoying babysitter."

Jenny laughed, and when Gibbs returned, he smiled at the sound. She took her phone from his outstretched hand and Abby's keen eyes noticed the way her fingers lingered on his skin for longer than was strictly necessary. As she waited for an answer, Gibbs watched her closely, looking for any sign that she was having difficulty breathing.

"Director's office."

"Cynthia, would you put me through to Assistant Director Vance, please?"

"Director Shepard! Of course. How nice to hear from you. I'll put you through right now."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

"Vance."

Jenny rolled her eyes as he spoke. She could hear, just from the one word, that he had a god-forsaken toothpick in his teeth.

"Assistant Director Vance. Is there some reason you're intentionally antagonising my employees?"

"Could you be more specific, Director Shepard?"

"Abby Sciuto's music."

"Director, Ms. Sciuto is aware of the company policy in regards to music in the workplace, and has deliberately been ignoring it. I'm simply trying to make sure that all employees are held to the same standards."

"You cannot come into my agency and make any changes that you deem acceptable. I'm on vacation, Assistant Director Vance, not dead. Unless you hear from me directly, or from my superiors, I would greatly appreciate it if you could leave my agency as it is. We've managed perfectly fine thus far. Is that clear?"

"Loud music is in direct violation of—"

"Is. That. Clear?" Jenny repeated coldly.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you."

Jenny hung up without waiting for a response, and Abby simply stared at her in awe. She was impressed with the redhead's confidence and authority, and when Jenny looked at her, she frowned.

"What is it, Abby?"

"You're a badass. I mean...that was cool."

Jenny smirked and Gibbs laughed.

"Yep. That's why she's the Director."

As Abby stood to leave, she hugged Jenny in thanks and as she stood in the doorway, she turned to give her a brilliant smile.

"Thank you so much, Director. I owe you one."

Jenny smiled and as the Goth closed the door behind her, Gibbs leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"She's right. You are a badass."

* * *

Jenny hoped, as she moved around the Goth's lab, that the woman in question wouldn't return until she had finished setting up her surprise. Glancing over her shoulder, she was relieved to find that they were still alone, and she looked to the younger man urgently.

"Are you almost finished, McGee?"

He nodded, connecting the last wire of the digital music system, and he stood. He gave Jenny a smile and as he turned on the power, she returned it gratefully, setting her note on Abby's desk.

"Think she'll like it?"

"Well, this is the latest system. Knowing Abby, she'll love it."

Nodding once, Jenny smiled at him again as he turned up the volume.

"Thanks, McGee. Couldn't have done it without you."

"You're welcome."

They walked out quickly, hoping they didn't run into Abby on the elevator, and as they stepped into the lift, McGee looked at Jenny with a thoughtful expression.

"Something you'd like to say, Agent McGee?"

"Just..um...it's good to have you back, Director."

"Thank you."

* * *

Being so accustomed to loud music blaring, Abby thought nothing of it as she danced around her lab, and it wasn't until there was a break in songs that she remembered Vance had taken her CD player. She ran to the corner of the room, looking at the expensive media player, and as her hands glided over the buttons, she frowned.

It took her a moment to see the piece of paper on her desk and when she saw Jenny's familiar handwriting, she smiled.

_Hope this makes up for what you lost. _

_ -Director Shepard_

Searching her brain, Abby tried to think of something, _anything_, she could to do show her appreciation to the Director. Frowning, she decided to call Gibbs. Maybe he would be able to help. After all, no one knew Director Shepard better than he did.

* * *

When Jenny returned to her office after spending eight hours in MTAC, the only thing on her mind was taking off her heels under the privacy of her desk. She frowned at the package sitting on said desk, and as she reached out to touch the carefully wrapped box, she noticed the card sitting on the top.

_To the most badass Director and "Mommy" in the world._

_ Love, Abby_

Jenny smiled as she read the heartfelt words, and she pulled the box closer, carrying it over to her couch. She began unwrapping it and when she finally succeeded in removing all of the tape holding the container shut, she frowned as she pulled out a large multi-picture frame. Tears sprang to her eyes as she ran her hands over it gently, carefully examining each photo.

All of the pictures Gibbs had given her from their Christmas "party" had been replaced, and in the lower right slot, she noticed a picture that she hadn't seen in years. It was one she knew well, but she had no idea how Abby could have gotten it. Her father's smiling face gleamed up at her and he wrapped his arms around her seven-year-old self, a bright smile on her own face. A few pictures of her and Gibbs from their undercover assignments in Europe were there as well, and suddenly she knew who had helped the Goth with her gift.

A stray tear dripped down onto the frame, and as she wiped it away, she realised she wasn't alone anymore.

"You okay?"

Nodding, she looked up at Gibbs through her tears and he came to sit beside her, looking at the frame in her hands.

"Got Abby's present?"

"It's beautiful, Jethro. Thank you."

He shook his head.

"Don't thank me. It was all Abby. I just got her the pictures."

Jenny rested her head on his shoulder, and as he brushed her hair behind her ear, she smiled softly.

"Heading out?"

He nodded.

"Let me get my jacket."

Surprised that he hadn't been made to convince her to leave, Gibbs frowned as she stood, setting the frame on the couch carefully.

"Sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You never leave on time."

She smirked, pulling her jacket on and grabbing her purse.

"After the last time I refused, I don't want a repeat."

"Fair enough."

As they walked out of her office, Jenny began to laugh slightly. Gibbs looked over at her and raised his eyebrow.

"Just thinking. If anyone saw the card, they really _would_ think I'm pregnant."

He laughed with her, and as they stepped into the elevator, she kissed his cheek lightly.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Norman wants a pizza."

Unable to stop herself, Jenny burst out laughing, leaning her head on his shoulder and as the doors slid shut, Gibbs pulled her against him, giving her the most bruising kiss he'd given in weeks. Her breathless laugh as she pulled away made him smile, and when she kissed him again, her eyes were darker than he'd ever seen them.

"Jethro?"

He waited, tilting his head in question.

"Take me home."

Gibbs never quite knew how they made it back to his house in one piece, but as they crashed into the wall of his staircase, he found that he really didn't care.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, if there's something you'd like to see (either in this story or as a separate piece), etc. Love you guys (you know who you are)!**


	20. Vials of Depression

**A/N: In which we see Jenny out in the field. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he tried yet again to reach Tony DiNozzo, frowning as his call went to voicemail. They'd been tracking a suspect for days and now, just when he had gotten a lead, he couldn't reach any member of his team. He was beyond furious, after all Rule Three was not to be taken lightly, and as he threw his phone down in frustration, a new idea came to him. He picked up the small device again, and as it rang in his ear, he frowned again.

"Shepard."

"I need backup for a case. Interested?"

"Jethro, I'm not a field agent anymore. Where's your team?"

"McGee's out of town for a funeral, Ziva's following up on another lead, and I have no idea where the hell DiNozzo is. Not answering."

He could picture her now, weighing the options in her mind, and when she sighed, he knew the answer.

"Give me five minutes."

* * *

Jenny walked down the steps of the catwalk, sidearm already in place, and as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, he gave her a smile.

"What do you have?"

"Fourth murder this month, same calling card every time. All the victims were female, under forty, Caucasian, throats slashed."

Jenny nodded, clipping her ID and badge to her belt.

"And the calling card?"

"Permanent smile. Think Black Dahlia."

As they walked to the elevator, Gibbs looked at her seriously and she frowned.

"You sure you're up to this?"

"Ducky gave me the all-clear a week ago, Jethro."

He nodded, still not looking away.

"Yeah, for the Director's job. Not field work. If you need to sit this out—"

"No. I'm doing this. Come on."

She sidestepped him into the lift, and when he joined her, he glared at her, making sure she knew he was serious.

"If you die, Shepard, I'm gonna kill you."

She laughed, and nodded.

"Same to you, Gibbs."

He smirked and as the doors slid shut, he kissed her hard, pulling her against him. The doors opened again seconds later, and Jenny smiled as she followed Gibbs to their car. She'd have been lying if she'd said she hadn't missed working this closely with him.

* * *

Clearing the area of the abandoned house they were searching, Gibbs signaled to Jenny and as she made her way silently into the next room, he couldn't help but admire the way she moved. It had been far too long since he'd gotten to see her in action out in the field.

"Gibbs."

Her voice was low, and he glanced over at her. She pointed to the ground ten feet away from her and he shone his flashlight in the proper direction. The body on the ground was still, possibly cold, and undeniably dead. Nudging it with her foot, Jenny grimaced as she took in the young woman's face, slit ear to ear, and he nodded at her.

She kept moving, her every sense alert as she tried to pick up any sound that didn't come from them. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and as he pulled it out, he frowned at the name on the caller ID.

"DiNozzo, where the hell are you?!"

"Sorry, boss. My phone wasn't charged. What's up?"

"Tracking our suspect. Few miles outside of Georgetown. Get your ass out here now."

He gave the younger man their exact location, and hung up. He glanced around the dark room, frowning when he didn't see Jenny, and as he moved to a different room, he called out her name.

"Shepard?"

He didn't even realise that he had slipped back into using her surname out of habit. She waved him over from the corner of the kitchen and when he approached her, she pointed to the steps leading to what he assumed was the basement.

"Could be down there," she whispered.

He nodded.

"I'll take point."

Before he could protest, she had drawn her weapon again, and he had no choice but to follow her down the dark steps.

* * *

It was nearly impossible to see in the pitch black of the room, and as Jenny moved, she frowned. A slight shuffling reached her ears and she held up her hand to stop Gibbs from moving. He halted his steps, and just as he was about to tell her that she was imagining things, he felt movement behind him. The tall figure pushed past them both, rushing to the steps, and Gibbs immediately fired. He couldn't tell if he'd hit his mark, and he took off after him, Jenny close behind.

They crashed into the kitchen again, and Jenny's eyes frantically scanned the room. As they passed the door, she felt strong hands grab her from behind, and she immediately started fighting.

"Shh! It's me, Shepard."

She nodded, relaxing slightly, and as he released her, he pointed to the back yard.

"That way."

They ran to the yard and before he could react, Gibbs winced as he felt a blinding pain shoot through his lower leg. Glancing down, he could just make out the silver of the blade protruding from his shin, and Jenny swore as she tried to steady him.

"Go. It'll be fine."

"Gibbs, I'm not letting you—"

"Go, Shepard! Don't lose him."

Looking into his eyes, Jenny nodded, holstering her gun as she ran. He watched her for a moment before turning his attention to the wound on his leg. This was going to hurt like hell.

* * *

Tony DiNozzo frowned as he walked through the dilapidated house, and when he called out for Gibbs, he frowned. He'd seen the body on the ground, and he only hoped he wasn't walking into an ambush.

"Gibbs? Boss?"

"Outside, DiNozzo."

He followed the sound and when he saw Gibbs kneeling on the ground, he knelt down instantly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said through gritted teeth.

He pulled out the blade, ignoring the blood that dripped from the wound, and nodded his head to the right.

"Find the bastard. Shepard's not far behind him."

"Shep—wait. _Director_ Shepard?"

Glaring at him, Gibbs pointed, and Tony nodded. He took off in the direction his team leader had given him, and he tried to imagine Jenny out in the field. That was surely a sight to see.

* * *

Jenny had never been more thankful that she ran in the gym in her life. Still, though she was in remarkably good shape, her leg was burning as she pursued their suspect. She knew Ducky was likely going to kill her if the running didn't do it first, and as she closed the distance between them, she had the distinct feeling that she was being followed.

Figuring Gibbs must have decided to tail her, she paid no attention and as the man in front of her lost his footing, she jumped, her arms locking around his ankles. She dodged his blow, and delivered one of her own, feeling an immense satisfaction as she heard the bone crack. Blood poured from his nose and it was enough to distract him. She aimed her weapon at his chest and as he registered the gleaming metal, his eyes widened.

"Don't move."

"You broke my fucking nose, you bitch."

She shrugged.

"No need to thank me."

He reached for her, and she automatically stepped back, raising her gun higher.

"I believe she told you not to move."

Jenny turned at the sound of Tony's voice behind her, and as he pulled out a pair of handcuffs, she nodded at him.

"Gibbs?" she asked quietly.

"Still at the house. Waiting for Ducky to come get the body."

Tony pulled the man up, glaring at him as he protested.

"On your feet. Now."

Tony shoved the man in front of them and once Jenny was sure that he had the situation under control, she ran back to the house, hoping the wound Gibbs had sustained wasn't serious. Tony watched her as she ran, smiling as he felt a new sense of respect for his redheaded boss.

* * *

By the time Tony made it back to the house with their suspect, Ducky had already arrived and stitched up the cut in Gibbs' leg. As the younger man threw him in the back of their car, Gibbs eyed the blood curiously.

"You broke his nose, DiNozzo?"

Tony shook his head.

"Not me, boss. Director Shepard. You should have seen her, Gibbs. She was amazing."

Glancing over at the redhead who was currently speaking with Ducky, Gibbs smirked at his second-in-command.

"Told you she was a damn good agent."

"No kidding."

Wincing slightly, Gibbs walked over to the medical examiner, looking at Jenny as he passed.

"Same deal as the others?"

Ducky nodded.

"Yes. We'll know more when we get this young woman back. As for you, I suggest you sit down and take the pressure off of that leg. Between the both of you, I'm surprised you can walk at all."

Jenny laughed quietly, and as Gibbs stood next to her, he draped his arm around her shoulder. He'd never admit that he was using her to balance, but the look in her eyes suggested that she already knew. They walked back to their car, and when they passed Tony, Gibbs made sure to speak loud enough that he could hear.

"Nice work, Shepard."

Jenny glanced at him, smirking, and helped him into the passenger seat.

"Anytime, boss."

The look of shock on Tony's face was worth more than all the money in the world.

* * *

"I'm telling you guys...it was awesome. You should have been there. Director Shepard totally tackled the guy then broke his nose."

Tossing back his shot, Tony looked to Ziva.

"You worked with her before. Tell them."

The Israeli nodded, finishing her shot of tequila.

"Director Shepard is one of the best I've ever worked with. She did not get her position by accident."

Abby rejoined the table, glancing around for McGee.

"Where's Timmy? Didn't want to come?"

"He just got back in town. I don't think he's in a celebratory mood."

Pulling out her phone, Abby frowned as she called the probationary agent.

"McGee."

"Where are you? Come out and have drinks with us."

"Abby, my college roommate just died. I don't really—"

"You'll miss hearing about the Director breaking a suspect's nose."

"I'm serious, I—she did what? Fine I'll be right there."

Looking extremely pleased with herself, Abby smiled at everyone around the table.

"Should we call Gibbs? Feels weird not celebrating with him."

Without waiting for an answer, Abby began dialing the familiar number, smiling as she heard the familiar greeting.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Gibbs! We're all out having drinks to celebrate closing the last case. You and the Director should come. Please."

"I don't think so, Abs."

"Come on, Gibbs. Point After is fun! Everyone's here, even McGee."

"Not tonight, Abby."

Pouting slightly as she hung up, Abby returned to her drink just in time to see McGee walk in and she smiled as she waved him over.

"Hey. So what's this I hear about Director Shepard breaking a guy's nose?"

Tony's eyes lit up as he began telling the story again, and as he finished, he made them all lean in closer.

"Best part? She called Gibbs "boss" as we were leaving."

"No way," McGee said softly.

"Way. He said "Nice work, Shepard" and she said "Anytime, boss". It was epic."

"He called her "Shepard"?"

Tony nodded.

"Well, that _is_ her name," Ziva pointed out.

"Well, yeah...but he usually calls her "Jenny" or "Jen". It was trippy. Must have been what it was like when she worked under him."

They began drinking again, and as their conversations turned to other various topics, Tony found himself wondering what else had been different before Jenny had become their Director.

* * *

Jenny frowned as she watched Gibbs move slowly around his basement and sighed dramatically.

"You should be resting," she said pointedly.

"M'fine."

She rolled her eyes.

"Uh-huh. And would you accept that from me if the roles were reversed?"

He was silent and she nodded.

"Exactly. I'm not taking "no" for an answer. Upstairs, Jethro."

He glared at her, and she walked over to him slowly.

"Jethro..." her voice was low, her breath warm in his ear, "I can make it worth your while."

He shivered, and as he looked at her eyes, normally so light and clear, he was surprised to find that they were now a dark forest green.

"Jenny..."

"Upstairs. Now."

He swallowed thickly and nodded. She pulled him to the steps, knowing they would have to be careful, but intending to make good on her promise. As he followed her to the bedroom, she smirked as she pushed him down on the bed, slowly trailing her lips across his throat. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, and as his hips jerked upward, Jenny smirked against his skin.

"Be still," she murmured.

He rolled his eyes.

"Easier said than done."

She bit down lightly on his earlobe, a low laugh falling from her lips as he hissed, and his hands gripped her tighter. Her hand moved lower, brushing over him gently and he groaned as she kissed his throat.

"You're killing me, Jen."

"Hell of a way to go," she whispered.

Unable to take it any longer, he pulled her up by her shoulder, crashing his lips onto hers. His tongue danced over hers as they fought for dominance and when she pulled his bottom lip between her teeth, he moaned. She broke away, breathlessly kissing his chest as she removed his shirt, and when her fingers moved to the button on his jeans, his hips jerked again.

"Stay still," she repeated, her voice low.

"Jen, it's my lower leg, not upper. I'll be fine."

She shook her head, hair brushing over his bare skin, and he shivered. Slowly, so slow that it drove him crazy, she slid his jeans and boxers off, her hand reaching up to stroke him gently. It was enough. His hips jerked up again, and as he felt himself engulfed in deliciously warm, wet heat, he moaned. She moved her hips slowly, but enough that it made him want more and he grabbed her waist, trying to speed up her movements.

Getting the hint but purposefully ignoring it, Jenny leaned forward, brushing her lips across his chest. He sat up carefully, holding her weight so she wouldn't fall, and kissed her deeply, wanting—_needing—_to hear her moan as his tongue swept into her mouth. Her head tipped back as she moved, and he kissed her collarbone, gently biting down.

The torture seemed to last for hours, and when he finally felt his climax hit, it was so strong that he couldn't breathe. Jenny smirked as she rolled carefully to the side of the bed, and when he pulled her back into his arms, he kissed her hair lightly.

"Jesus, Jen."

"Took you long enough," she laughed.

"Maybe it was you."

She gasped, laughing as she smacked his arm,

"You little bitch. It was amazing and you know it."

"Yeah," he agreed, "it was. Thought you were trying to murder me for a second there."

"I considered it," she answered seriously.

He laughed and as she raised up on her arm to look at him, she ran her free hand through his hair.

"_Now_ will you get some rest? I kept up my end of the deal."

He nodded, kissing her gently. She stood, picking up one of his old NIS shirts, and as she put it on to walk out the door, his voice made her stop.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Hell of a job last night."

She smiled.

"It was nice. I kind of miss being out there in the middle of it all sometimes."

"No," he said sarcastically, "I never would have guessed."

She flipped him off from the doorway and as she walked down the stairs, she could still hear his quiet laughter.

* * *

Though she had tried to ignore screaming in her head, Jenny sighed as she attempted, in vain, to read the book sitting on her lap. She'd read the same paragraph over twenty times, and it refused to register in her distracted mind. Gibbs was down in the basement and while she would have normally joined him, she found that she didn't particularly want to be around him (or anyone) for the time being.

_Is this really what my life has become? _

The thought had been circling around in her head for days, and she sighed as it came back again. She'd come to realise that she repeated the phrase "Just get through this day" in her mind every single day, and she was beginning to wonder if that was all her life was: an endless cycle of hoping things would get better.

She tried to imagine where her life would be even five years into the future, and it saddened her to realise that she couldn't do it. Wasn't even sure if she wanted to. The thought of living to see forty with nothing to show for it was daunting to her, and she wondered if perhaps it would be easier to let it all go. After all, she still wasn't too old to die young.

Shaking her head, Jenny tried to push the thought away, but once she had acknowledged it, it refused to leave. She closed her book, tossing it onto the couch and make her way down the basement steps, not bothering to be quiet.

"Distract me."

Gibbs turned at the sound of her voice and frowned.

"What?"

"Distract me," she repeated, "I don't want to think right now. I need something to get me out of my head."

He nodded, looking at her seriously.

"Are you sure? You know you can talk to me. About anything."

She shook her head.

"Not this."

His frown intensified, and he tried to ignore the slight anger flaring up.

"Why not? Don't trust me?"

"I trust you completely."

"Then talk to me. I want to help you through it, not help you pretend it isn't happening."

She sighed, looking at the ground and finally after a moment, she nodded.

"Fine. But I need a drink."

He poured a generous amount of bourbon into a mason jar and slid it across the table. She raised it to her lips and he sat down, leaning against the boat.

"How old do you picture yourself being? I mean, before you die."

"I dunno, Jen. Never really thought about it."

"I have. And I can't see myself living much longer."

He frowned, studying her as she took a drink of her bourbon.

"Something you need to tell me?"

"No, I just mean that I can't picture my life five years from now. I don't really think I want to. The thought of wasting my life, of spending each week saying "Just get through one more day" ...it doesn't seem worth it. What's the point? If we're all going to die anyway, why prolong the inevitable? Why not just get it over with? End the pain."

He stood, crossing the room in two steps, and looked down at her seriously.

"Jen. Jen, you don't mean that. Yes, life can be painful, and I know the last few months have been more than painful, but...it's so much more than that. It's not about where you're going, it's about how you get there."

She shook her head.

"Jethro, no one would care if I was gone. It wouldn't make national headlines, it wouldn't affect the world at all. No one would even remember me."

"I would. Jenny, I would be devastated if I lost you. You are the single-most important thing in my life, and I can't imagine being without you. Losing you would kill me."

She was silent, and he reached out to touch her cheek, willing her to look at him.

"How long have you been feeling this way?"

"A long time. Longer than I can remember."

He pulled her into his arms, holding her as tightly as he could, and he kissed the top of her head.

"Jenny, please believe me. I can handle a lot of things in life. But I absolutely, without a doubt, could not handle losing you. I love you. So much more than you realise."

She looked up at him, trying to keep her tears in check, and when she couldn't, she buried her head in his chest.

"I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to die, I really don't. But then, sometimes I do. I think that it has to be better than the pain. But I could never forgive myself if I hurt you. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you."

He kept his hold on her, running his hand over her hair, and when he spoke, his voice was as close to begging as he'd come in years.

"Don't give up, Jen. Don't let the pain win. You're stronger than that. If you ever need to talk, or cry or scream...hell, if you want to hit something, come find me. I don't care where I am, what I'm doing. Nothing is more important to me than you."

"I'm sorry, Jethro."

Her words were muffled and he pulled back, frowning.

"You can't help the way you feel, Jen. Have you told Ducky about this?"

She nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

"He told me that I might want to consider seeing a professional."

"Yeah?"

"I can't do that. Could you imagine the press? First female Director of NCIS going to therapy because she's emotionally unstable? That would be a riot."

"Jen, your health is more important that a damn job. That's what I keep trying to tell you. You work too much and it's making you so stressed that you literally passed out in your office. Or did you forget that?"

Jenny glared at him, her eyes cold.

"No, I haven't forgotten. But it's not that simple. If it makes you feel any better, I'll think about it more seriously, though."

She stepped out of his arms and when she picked up her drink, she gave him a sad smile.

"I just want you to be happy, Jen. I'm not trying to control you."

She drained the glass, already feeling the effects of the alcohol and set it down harder than she intended.

"I know. And I appreciate your concern."

He watched her as she walked to the steps and when she turned at the bottom, he smiled at her.

"Thanks for listening," she said quietly.

"Anytime."

* * *

Gibbs frowned when he walked into their bedroom and saw Jenny sitting on the bed, holding the picture frame Abby had given her and twisting the ring she wore around her neck. He knocked lightly on the door frame, and when she looked up, she gave him a smile.

"Hey."

"Hey. What're you doing?"

"Just thinking about where I want to hang this once my house is repaired."

"Any ideas?"

She nodded, setting it to the side.

"Yeah. Maybe above the fireplace. Seems like a good spot for it."

"I'll help you when you're ready. If you want."

She brushed her fingertips lightly over his hand and brought her lips to his. Though she would never tell him, she'd been feeling more than a little lightheaded all day, and it was beginning to concern her. He kissed her once more before leaving the room and as he closed the door behind him, she pulled out her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Ducky. It's Jenny."

"Good afternoon, Jennifer. Congratulations on your work the other night. Anthony hasn't stopped talking about it since."

She smiled.

"Thanks, Ducky. I hate to bother you, but I have a favour to ask."

"Of course, my dear. What may I help you with?"

"I know it's a long shot, but do you still have that vial of blood that you took from me a few weeks ago?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't. I'm not in the habit of storing blood. Is something wrong?"

She sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"I'm not sure. I've been feeling really dizzy lately, I've had quite a few bad migraines, and something just doesn't feel right. Would you mind running a few tests?"

"Certainly. I know you've likely already considered this given the always buzzing rumour mill, but is there a possibility that you're pregnant?"

Jenny laughed.

"No. Not unless my birth control stopped working."

"I'll run the test just to be sure. Is there anything else?"

"Could—could you keep this between us? Just for now? I don't want Jethro to worry."

"Of course. Come by whenever you want and I'll get right on it."

Thanking him, she hung up and pulled on her heels. She wasn't particularly eager to be poked with needles, but the sooner she had answers, the better she would feel. Or so she hoped.

* * *

The quiet knock at her door made Jenny glance up from the email she was typing and when she saw Ducky standing in the doorway, she waved him in with a smile.

"Come in, Ducky. How are you?"

He smiled, but she couldn't help noticing that it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm fine. How are you feeling this morning?"

"A little tired, but I didn't get much sleep last night."

He frowned.

"Nightmares?"

Jenny shook her head, smirking.

"No. Jethro."

He laughed and she glanced down, noticing the paper held in his hands.

"May I sit?"

"Of course, Ducky. By all means."

He sighed, looking at her seriously, and she took off her glasses, setting them on her desk. He was beginning to make her nervous and she twisted her hands in her lap.

"I have the results of your blood test."

"I'm not pregnant, am I?"

"No."

He handed her the folded paper and as she read the words, she frowned, raising her eyes to his.

"Lyme disease?"

He nodded.

"I didn't notice the abnormalities in the previous test because I was more concerned with your lung functions. To put it simply, I didn't see it because I wasn't looking for it. This explains all of your symptoms, even your emotional distress, and I am so sorry that I didn't catch it sooner."

Jenny nodded, and when she spoke, her voice was little more than a whisper.

"Am I going to die?"

He shook his head.

"Lyme disease is manageable, my dear. If left untreated, it can be fatal, but as long as you take care of yourself and take medication, you can live a relatively normal life. You will have days where your symptoms will be worse than others, and it will be difficult, but it's by no means a death sentence."

"What do I do?"

"Get plenty of rest, stay hydrated, I'll be happy to prescribe you some medication to manage your symptoms, and chances are, the antibiotics will cure it."

"It can be cured?"

Ducky nodded, reaching out to take her hand gently.

"Yes. It will take time, but it can be cured. You may still experience symptoms afterward, but it's nothing to worry too much about."

Jenny stood and made her way around the desk. She wrapped her arms around the doctor, and as he kissed her cheek, he gave her a reassuring smile.

"I'll bring your medications as soon as I get them. Until then, try to stay calm."

He hugged her once more as he left her office and as Jenny sank down into the chair behind her desk, she only had one thought running through her head.

How in the world was she going to tell Gibbs?

* * *

**A/N: I love Jenny calling Gibbs a little bitch. Also, I know some of you thought I was going to make this a Jenny-gets-ill-and-dies story, but that's not my intention. I'm also not a huge fan of baby-fics either, though there are exceptions. Honestly, sometimes, the characters have minds of their own. We'll see what happens. I'm just along for the ride.**


	21. Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

**A/N: Here, we see Jenny finally tell Gibbs about her illness. Hope you enjoy! Esquinzo, hope you were able to read them in the correct order this time. I can only imagine how confusing it must have been.**

* * *

Jennifer Shepard had been through more than her fair share of pain in her life, but this was by far the most conflicting situation she'd ever been in. It had been nearly a week since Ducky had given her the diagnosis, and she still hadn't thought of a way to tell Gibbs. She'd considered multiple scenarios, yet none of them seemed appropriate.

Turning the ring she wore on its chain, she frowned as she realised that she would have to be particularly careful the next time they were together intimately. Antibiotics canceled out the effects of birth control and she definitely did _not_ want to risk becoming pregnant. Not now. Not ever, if she were truly honest. Somehow, she doubted that would be an issue today. She'd woken up feeling as though she'd been hit by a truck, and though she'd tried to shake it off, she couldn't manage more than a few steps without feeling unbearably dizzy.

As such, she'd stayed in her office for the majority of the morning, and though it was approaching lunch time, she'd decided it would be safer to skip it. Ducky would kill her, she knew, but she simply didn't think she could handle leaving her office.

"Director Shepard?"

She glanced up, embarrassed that she hadn't heard Cynthia knock, and smiled.

"Yes?"

"I'm taking my lunch break. Would you like me to bring you something back?"

Well. Problem solved.

"A salad would be nice."

The young woman nodded, smiling at her.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

Her door swung shut and Jenny picked up her glasses, trying to read through her email yet again. She sighed as her eyes refused to focus, and after a few minutes of staring at the screen, she tore her glasses off her face in frustration. The silver door of her office bounced off the wall as it was thrown open and she smiled tiredly.

"Good afternoon, Agent Gibbs. Can I help you with something?"

He closed the door and made his way closer to her, smiling as he sat across from her.

"Yeah. Got a bit of a problem."

She raised her eyebrow in question, and he continued.

"My Senior Field Agent is having trouble getting any work done."

She frowned.

"Why?"

"Because he won't shut up about you breaking a certain suspect's nose. He's told damn near everyone in the building and now they keep asking him to give the play-by-play."

Jenny smirked, taking a slow drink from her coffee.

"Am I supposed to apologise?"

"No. Just thought you'd want to know everyone is now even more terrified of you."

"Hm...maybe I'll have to join you in the field more often. Secure my reputation."

He smirked, kissing her cheek as he stood.

"Nah. I'd say that's pretty much taken care of."

She smiled as he left, laying her head down as soon as the door had clicked shut behind him. How in the world was she supposed to tell him?

* * *

As she sat in the basement reading, she could feel his movements and knew without looking that he was standing directly behind her. Closing her book, she turned to face him, giving him a slightly exasperated smile.

"What?"

"Just admiring the view."

She rolled her eyes and opened her book again, pushing him gently.

"Go play with your boat."

He smirked, reaching around her to pick up his mason jar and as he swallowed, she couldn't tear her eyes away from his throat. Shaking her head to clear it, she mentally kicked herself. Sex was off limits, at least until she found a way to tell him about the antibiotics she was taking. Standing on slightly shaking legs, Jenny excused herself for the night, and he frowned as she leaned down to kiss him.

"You okay?"

She nodded, but he didn't quite believe her.

"I'm just tired."

Now that he believed.

"Get some sleep, Jen. You look exhausted."

She kissed him again and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Don't stay up too late."

As she walked up the stairs to the bedroom, her vision began to spin and she held on tightly to the railing to steady herself.

"Shit," she whispered, fighting the urge to slide down the wall.

Finally, she was able to move again and when she collapsed on the bed a few minutes later, she didn't even notice that she was still fully clothed.

* * *

Gibbs smirked as he walked into the bedroom four hours later and looked at Jenny curled up on the bed. He frowned as he noticed she was still wearing the clothes she'd worn to work and he sighed sadly. She really did work too much. Gently, so as not to wake her, he slid her skirt down her body, and unbuttoned the crisp white Oxford she wore, folding them as he set them aside. He didn't bother dressing her in anything else, wanting to feel her skin as she slept and when he pulled her into his arms, she moaned softly.

He kissed her forehead, frowning when he felt the heat of her skin beneath his lips and he brushed her hair back from her face. She was undeniably running a fever, but with no way to check it without waking her, he had no idea how severe it was. He gently shook her, not wanting to scare her, and when her eyes opened, they were glassy and unfocused.

"Hey," he whispered, smiling at her.

"Hi," she mumbled, trying to ignore him and sleep.

"Jen, you're running a fever. Can you stay awake long enough for me to check it?"

She nodded, but her eyes slipped closed again and he tapped her cheek lightly.

"You can sleep as soon as I'm done. It'll only take a minute."

He went into his bathroom, searching for the thermometer and when he returned, Jenny was already falling asleep again.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Open."

She rolled her eyes as she opened her mouth.

"I'm not a child," she spat.

He ran his hand through her hair and smiled.

"Hush. You can't talk with it in your mouth."

"I feel like you've said that before."

He couldn't help it. He laughed and she gave him a weak smile. The thermometer beeped a minute later and he frowned as he examined it closely.

"Not too high, but high enough."

"How bad?"

"103.4. It should break soon, but you're going to stay in bed until it does."

"No arguments here."

She closed her eyes again and rolled onto her side, trying to reclaim the comfort she'd had before he'd woken her. He kissed her hair gently and laid down beside her, pulling her into his arms.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Love you, too," Jenny murmured.

As he watched her sleep, he tried to ignore the feeling that something more serious was going on. She would have told him if she was severely sick. Wouldn't she?

* * *

Jenny tried to move away from him in her sleep as he attempted to wake her the next morning. She didn't appear to be running a fever anymore, but until he had checked, she was going to have to get used to being woken up. He shook her gently, and when she opened her eyes, she glared at him.

"What?"

"Need to check your temperature."

She shook her head, pulling the sheet more tightly around her.

"I'm sleeping."

"Really? Well, you're remarkably coherent for someone asleep," he said sarcastically.

"Shut up."

He picked up the thermometer and she sighed as she opened her mouth. As she waited, she leaned back against his chest and he ran his fingertips over her skin lightly. She shivered beneath his touch and he kissed the exposed skin of her throat. The shrill beep of the thermometer halted any of his other plans and as he glanced at it, he smiled.

"Still slightly up, but you'll be fine today. 99.2."

She smiled back at him and looked into his eyes seriously.

"Now...where were we?"

"Jen...I don't think—"

"That's a good start."

She kissed him slowly, running her hands over his chest.

"Don't think. Just go with it."

He really wasn't sure if he was making the right decision or not, but as her lips found his again, all protests left his mind. Still, no matter how much he wanted her, he would never forgive himself if he hurt her. He pushed her back gently, hoping to clear the fog in his mind, and when she pouted slightly, he sighed.

"Not yet. I don't want you to get worse."

She sighed, knowing he was right, but still annoyed nonetheless.

"Fine, but you owe me, gunny."

He kissed her again, pausing to let his lips brush over her ear.

"Oh, don't worry, Jen. When you're able, I'll rock your world."

She smirked, sitting up and searching for comfortable clothing to wear.

"I'm holding you to that."

* * *

Though she tried for nearly twenty minutes after her alarm went off, Jenny simply couldn't get out of bed. Gibbs was already downstairs making coffee, and as she forced herself to sit up, her vision was filled with black spots. She held her head in her hand for a moment and when she heard the quiet voice at the door, she sighed.

"Jen? You okay?"

She shook her head, raising up to look at him carefully. Her skin was deathly pale and he could see her shaking even from where he stood. He frowned, taking a drink of his coffee and she sighed again. He was more than a little confused as he walked closer, looking at her seriously. She'd been fine the night before, hell, they'd even had sex, but now she could hardly hold her head up.

"Jenny. What's going on? Talk to me."

Reaching for her purse, she pulled out the piece of paper Ducky had given her with her diagnosis and handed it to him silently. His bright blue eyes skimmed it and once they had finished, they met hers in confusion.

"You're sick."

It wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway.

"How bad?"

Her head shook, red hair shielding her face and she took a deep breath.

"It can be cured, I'm taking antibiotics, so hopefully everything will be fine. The—the symptoms come and go. Some days are harder than others, but for the most part, I can manage."

He nodded. He knew she'd been taking the medication, but he had assumed it to be for the fever she'd had earlier in the week. In a way, he supposed he was right.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I...We've already been through so much the past five months. I didn't want to make things worse."

He took her hand in his, kissing it gently.

"That's crazy. I'm always gonna be here for you. No matter what."

He reached into her purse, pulling out the paper she still kept tucked in her wallet.

"Remember this? It's still true."

Jenny smiled weakly, and he kissed her cheek.

"You're not going in to work today."

"Jethro, I—"

"Not up for debate. We're staying home. I have a surprise for you, anyway."

As he walked away to call Cynthia and Tony, Jenny leaned back against the pillow, feeling more relieved than she had in days.

* * *

Gibbs swept her into his arms and, ignoring her protests, carried her to his truck, placing her carefully in the seat. He'd helped her dress earlier, saying that she needed to be warmer, and now as they drove at nearly breakneck speed, Jenny looked at him confusedly.

"Where are we going?"

"Told you. Surprise."

"I hate surprises."

He smirked, glancing over at her.

"I know. But you'll like this one. Close your eyes."

Sighing dramatically, Jenny did as she was told and when the truck stopped twenty minutes later, it was a struggle to keep them closed. Gibbs opened her door, lifting her easily, and it wasn't until he sat her down gently that she realised she wasn't wearing shoes. She laughed and he looked at her.

"Something funny?"

She pointed downward.

"My feet."

He laughed.

"Good thing I carried you, then."

She could hear him turning a key and when he led her carefully forward, she frowned. The light had changed, so she knew she was no longer outside, but he gave her no hints as to where they were.

"Okay, open your eyes."

Blinking to adjust to the change in light, it took her a few seconds to realise that they were standing in her house. It had been beautifully restored, no sign of damage, and as her eyes roamed over it, she felt tears begin to fall.

"Jethro..."

Her voice was a whisper, but loud in the stillness. He took her hand, leading her into the living room, and pointed.

"Told you that you'd like this one."

As her eyes followed his finger, she couldn't stop the smile that broke over her face. He'd hung the picture frame that Abby had given her, and as it gleamed over the fireplace, she turned to him.

"When did you do this?"

"Few days ago. Went on an extended coffee run."

She frowned.

"You did this on company time?"

He smirked, pulling her close to him.

"Yeah, but it was worth it to see you smile."

"It's perfect. Thank you."

She kissed him, gripping his jacket tightly in her fingers, and it was only when she fell heavily against him that he realised how unsteady she was.

"You okay?"

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and he held her closer. He led her to the couch and positioned her so that her head rested in his lap. Running a hand through her long red hair, he frowned when a few strands clung to his fingers. He knew she'd been stressed, but he hadn't known it was quite this severe.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Hate to tell you this, but your hair's falling out."

She sighed.

"I know. I have vitamins, but I forgot to take them. It's just stress. I'll live."

He nodded, looking down at her seriously.

"You'd better. I meant what I said: you die, and I'll kill you."

She laughed, closing her eyes, and it wasn't long before she had fallen asleep.

* * *

As he watched the redhead sleep in his lap, Gibbs pulled out his phone, hoping he wouldn't wake her.

"Autopsy."

"Hey, Duck."

"Jethro! I didn't expect to hear from you today. Word is that you and Jennifer have taken the day off."

"Yeah, we did."

"Rumour also has it that you're eloping."

He laughed quietly.

"Not a chance. Got a few questions for you."

"By all means."

"Lyme disease."

Ducky was silent for a moment and Gibbs waited, his free hand still running through Jenny's hair.

"She told you."

"Kinda had to. Couldn't get up this morning. She can hardly stand. Duck, how bad is this?"

"Some of the symptoms can be very severe at times, but I assure you, Jethro, the chances of Jennifer making a full recovery are very high. She'll have good days and bad, and from what you've describe, today is a bad one. Just make sure she gets rest and doesn't overwork herself. You know how stubborn she is."

"Definitely know that. Is there anything I can do to make her more comfortable?"

"Well, nothing you wouldn't do for a sick child. I'm sure you took care of Kelly when she was ill as a child. Anything you did then should suffice now."

He smirked.

"Even pretending to be a unicorn?"

Ducky laughed.

"Perhaps not that. I don't know Jennifer's preference for unicorns."

"I'll ask and let you know."

"Jethro, I know you're worried, but she'll be fine. As long as she takes the medication, she should be back to her stubborn self in two to four weeks."

Gibbs smiled, glancing down at the woman in his arms.

"Thanks, Duck."

"Not at all. Enjoy your day together."

* * *

When Jenny opened her eyes, she was momentarily disoriented, and it took her nearly a full minute to remember where she was. She tried to sit up, only to collapse weakly back on her couch, and she frowned. She'd been sure Gibbs had been with her when she'd fallen asleep and as she saw him walk in from the kitchen, she smiled.

"Hey."

"Hey. Sleep well?"

She nodded.

"I did."

He smiled at her and as he watched her, he noticed her skin seemed slightly less pale than it had earlier. She tried again to sit up and winced as her body refused to cooperate.

"Jen?"

"I'm okay," she said softly, "Just help me up."

Gently lifting her up, he pulled her against him and she smiled as his lips trailed over her throat.

"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"You complaining?"

She shook her head, leaning back against his chest. Tilting her head back, she kissed his jawline softly, and when she pulled away, he smiled at her.

"So, I was thinking..."

"That's dangerous," she deadpanned.

"Hush. I was thinking...since your house is repaired, do you want me to bring your things back here tonight?"

"Kicking me out?"

He shook his head.

"Nope. You're more than welcome to stay as long as you want, but I know how much this house means to you. It's your call."

She was silent for a moment, and he worried that he should have kept his mouth shut.

"I think I'll stay with you, at least until I'm through taking this medication. Might need a bit more assistance."

He nodded.

"Very smart decision."

"That's why I'm your boss."

"Nah, pretty sure that's because you go around breaking people's noses."

"Shut up, Jethro. I saved your ass."

He smiled.

"I appreciate that. I'm quite fond of my ass."

She looked at him, her expression serious.

"Didn't do it for you. Only reason I put up with you is because you look good in jeans."

He laughed, and she tried to keep her expression as composed as possible.

"Of course, I heard that DiNozzo and McGee rank pretty high on the list of attractive butts at the office."

"Not gonna happen. They'd be afraid you might kill them."

She raised her eyebrows in mock seriousness.

"To be fair, I've wanted to kill you several times."

"You'd miss me."

She nodded, running her hand over his leg gently.

"Yeah...I would."

She turned in his arms just enough to kiss his lips and when she felt her lungs begin to burn, she pulled away breathlessly.

"I love you, Jethro."

"Right back at you, Jen."

* * *

Gibbs hadn't expected Jenny to put her job on hold while she recovered, but that didn't make him any more thrilled about her returning to work. He'd asked Cynthia to keep an eye on her throughout the day, and though he knew Jenny would kill him if she found out, he considered it worth the risk.

"Hey, boss. Got a question for you."

He rolled his eyes at Tony, but waited nonetheless.

"You think Director Shepard could show us how she broke that guy's—"

His words were cut short by the slap Gibbs delivered to the back of his head and he winced.

"Shutting up now."

* * *

Jenny fought the urge to roll her eyes as Cynthia entered her office for the fifth time that afternoon, yet no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hide it in her voice.

"What is it, Cynthia?"

"I was just wondering if you needed anything. Coffee, water—"

"If I need something, I'll let you know," Jenny said firmly, pointing to the intercom.

"Of course. I'm sorry, Director. It's just...Agent Gibbs asked me to make sure that you were okay, and I didn't mean to bother you."

Jenny's eyes softened at the younger woman's nervousness and she smiled.

"It's okay, Cynthia. Could you send Agent Gibbs up to my office, please?"

Nodding, Cynthia backed out of the room, hoping that her boss wouldn't kill the team leader. She hadn't meant to cause him any trouble, and she would feel terrible if the Director took it too harshly.

* * *

As soon as Gibbs walked into Jenny's office, he could tell something was wrong. The expression on her face was calm, yet there was a storm building behind her eyes that he didn't care for at all.

"You wanted to see me?"

She nodded, still looking at him with that unsettling smile, and he frowned.

"Sit down, Jethro."

He shrugged.

"I'm fine standing."

"_Sit down_."

Raising his eyebrow slightly, he did as he was told and she leaned back slightly in her chair, her eyes roaming over him curiously.

"Jenny, what—"

"How dare you?" she whispered dangerously.

He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head.

"Who do you think you are? You asked my assistant to check up on me. Like I can't handle myself, like I don't know my own limitations."

Her voice was soft, but he could hear it shaking with barely-controlled rage. He knew that if he had closed the door, she would have probably been screaming at him, but she still had enough presence of mind to keep up appearances.

"I was just trying to—"

"Stop. You can't try to justify this with concern. I can appreciate that you're worried, but that doesn't give you the right to order people to check up on me like I'm some sort of child."

He stared at her desk, noticing that her hands were shaking and he reached out to touch her. She pulled away, shaking her head once, and he knew in that moment what it felt like to be genuinely afraid of Jenny Shepard.

* * *

McGee frowned as he searched for his boss, and turned to the Senior Field Agent.

"Tony, where's Gibbs?"

"Director's office. Why? Trying to find someone to make weekend plans with, McNerd?"

"No, I needed to get his signature on this report. And I have friends outside of work, thank you very much."

"Whatever you say, Elf Lord."

Rolling his eyes, McGee made his way up the stairs, wondering why he allowed his colleague to antagonise him every day. He approached Director Shepard's door, frowning at Cynthia's absence, but as he heard the raised voices, he didn't blame her at all for disappearing.

"Jethro, you can't order my assistant to look after me like I'm a two-year-old! You don't own me, you didn't even _marry_ me, you can't control every aspect of my life!"

"I left that decision up to you! If you wanted to marry me, all you had to do was say so!"

She laughed, but McGee didn't see what was amusing.

"That isn't the issue here! Yes, I'm sick, but I have it under control. You don't need to keep tabs on me every minute of every day."

"That's the point, Jen! You're sick. This isn't the flu or a cold. Lyme disease is serious, and it could kill you!"

"You're overreacting. I'm not dead yet, Jethro, and until that day comes, you are going to have to learn to trust me!"

McGee turned away, unable to handle hearing anymore, and he sighed. He needed to talk to Abby. Now.

* * *

Gibbs looked at Jenny, taking a step closer to her and she backed away.

"Jen...I do trust you. I know that I might be a little overprotective, but this is new to me, too. I'm not trying to ruin your life or force you into anything you don't want to do, but the thought of losing you scares me. I told you: I know what it's like to be scared, and if I'm feeling this way, I'm sure you are."

She looked over at him, her eyes searching his and she sighed. She'd known that he hadn't been sleeping as much since her diagnosis, but she hadn't realised just how much of a toll it was taking on him.

"Jethro, of course I'm scared. There's a ten percent chance that I won't recover from this, but I can't focus on that. If I do, I'll miss out on everything else going on around me. I know you're worried, and I understand that. I love you for it even, but you have to let go. Let me handle this. If I need help, I promise that I'll come to you."

He moved closer, reaching out to brush her hair behind her ear and she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Will you let me do this?"

He nodded, and she raised up on her toes to kiss him gently.

"Trust me, Jethro."

Wrapping her in his arms, he kissed her hair, breathing in the scent of her perfume.

"I do, Jen. With my life."

* * *

Abby jumped as McGee entered her lab, hugging Bert harder than she meant to. She set the stuffed hippo on her desk and glared at her friend, oblivious to his distress.

"McGee, you scared the bejeesus out of me!"

"Sorry. Abby, what do you know about Lyme disease?"

She frowned, rattling off statistics and figures, and mid-way through her rant, she paused, her eyes wide.

"McGee...you don't have Lyme disease, do you? Oh, God...I'm so sorry. Don't worry, we can get you started on medication and—"

"Abby. Abby! _Abby!_"

She stopped, looking at him in confusion.

"I don't have Lyme disease."

"Oh," she said, relieved, "Then why did you ask?"

"It's not me. It's someone else we know."

"Is it Tony? He's already had the Plague, so maybe that weakened his immune system—"

"It isn't Tony. Or Ziva. Not Gibbs, either."

"Ducky?"

He shook his head, waiting for the scientist to connect the dots. He saw the light flicker in her eyes and he knew she understood.

"Director Shepard?" she whispered.

He nodded.

"I heard them arguing in her office."

Abby looked at him for a long moment, and then bolted from his side, heading for the elevator.

"Where are you going?" he called after her.

"To see Mommy."

* * *

The knock on her office door was so quiet that she barely heard it. She frowned, but removed her glasses anyway, wondering who could be visiting her at this late hour.

"Come in."

The door swung slowly open, revealing a nervous looking Abby Sciuto, and Jenny's confusion only increased. It wasn't often that the scientist ventured out of her lab and Jenny offered her a comforting smile.

"Yes, Abby?"

The younger woman closed the door, making her way slowly closer and Jenny stood up, more than a little concerned.

"What's wrong, Abs?"

She hoped that by using Gibbs' pet name for her, she could get an answer. Abby looked at her, and Jenny was shocked to find tears in her eyes.

"Abby?"

Abby threw her arms around the redhead, hugging her so tightly that it was almost painful, and Jenny frowned.

"What's wrong?" she asked again.

"McGee told me you were sick. It's not true, is it?"

Jenny gently stepped out of Abby's tight embrace and smiled, looking at her sadly.

"It's true, Abby. But it's nothing to worry about. I'm taking medication, and Ducky says that in a few weeks, I should be fine."

She frowned, thinking.

"McGee told you?"

Abby nodded.

"He heard you and Gibbs arguing. Which, by the way, the kids don't like."

Jenny smiled, hugging her again.

"It's okay, Abby. Believe me, Gibbs is more than taking care of me."

"Smothering you?"

She laughed.

"Only a lot."

"He's right to be worried, though. He loves you, and he just wants to make sure you're safe."

Jenny smirked.

"He usually is right. That's what makes him so damn irritating."

As Jenny grabbed her jacket, preparing to leave for the night, she smiled when she saw Abby still standing in the doorway to her office.

"Something else, Abby?"

The Goth nodded, giving her a small smile.

"We all love you, too. Just thought you should know."

She turned on her heel, disappearing so fast that Jenny almost wasn't sure she'd even been there at all. As she met Gibbs in the elevator, she made a mental note to lock her door whenever they had an argument at work. The last thing she needed was her employees hearing more about her personal life than what was strictly necessary.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it. Tomorrow, I'll be hanging with a friend, so I probably won't update. We'll see.**


	22. Mind Over Matter

**A/N: I know I said I probably wouldn't update today, but I finished this chapter early this morning, so here it is. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Over the next few days, Jenny's health began to decline, and as Gibbs watched her sleep, he was becoming more concerned by the minute. He'd tried to wake her over an hour ago, but she hadn't responded to him. His trained eyes watched her chest, searching for the rise and fall as she breathed, and as he found it, he sighed. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, not even bothering to check the ID.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, you didn't show up to the office today. Is everything alright?"

"Ducky. I was just about to call you. I can't wake Jen. I'm starting to get really worried."

"How long has it been?"

"Since about 23:00 last night. Is there any way you can get over here?"

"I'm on my way, Jethro."

He hung up, sitting down on the edge of the bed, and he took Jenny's hand in his.

"Come on, Shepard. You can do this."

She was still unresponsive, and he leaned over her, kissing her forehead softly. He only hoped Ducky would be able to help. He wasn't sure what he would do if they failed.

* * *

When Ducky walked into the bedroom, Gibbs was still sitting next to Jenny, her hand held tightly in his. He touched his shoulder to alert him of his presence, and the younger man turned.

"No change?"

He shook his head, and Ducky moved closer to the bed, taking Jenny's wrist in his hand. Her pulse was weak, but steady and he frowned.

"Jethro, could you bring me a wet cloth, please? Cold water."

He nodded, leaving the doctor alone for a moment. When he returned, Ducky was just finishing his examination and he handed the cloth to the Scotsman.

"Thank you, Jethro."

He placed the cloth on Jenny's skin, and after a few moments, the coolness of the water caused her to stir, and when her eyes slowly opened, Gibbs felt a weight lift from his chest. Jenny's eyes found Ducky, and she frowned.

"Ducky?"

Her voice was weak, and he gave her a gentle smile.

"Hello, Jennifer. We've been wondering when you were going to wake up. Jethro was getting rather worried."

She glanced around the room, and when her eyes landed on his, he smiled.

"How're you feeling, Jen?"

Shaking her head slowly, she frowned.

"I feel okay, I'm just so tired."

Ducky nodded.

"Your body is physically exhausted. You're likely going to sleep more over the next few days, but that's to be expected. Have you been taking the antibiotics?"

She nodded, and looked at him seriously.

"Ducky...this doesn't mean that I'm getting worse, does it?"

"No, my dear. You've simply worked too hard for too long, and your body is forcing you to rest now."

Nodding again, Jenny gave him a smile. He listened to her breathe for a few more minutes and when he inclined his head toward the door, Gibbs followed.

"I think she's going to be fine, Jethro. Just keep an eye on her."

"Thanks, Duck. I appreciate it."

As the doctor left, Gibbs returned to the bedroom, pulling Jenny into his arms as soon as he was near enough.

"You scared the hell out of me, Jen."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know," he whispered against her hair, "I know you didn't."

He held her as tightly as he could, placing a light kiss to her temple.

"It's going to be okay," Jenny said softly.

He laughed.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one saying that to you?"

She looked at him seriously, her eyes still slightly glassy.

"No. That's not how we work. We support each other. Through everything. Understood?"

He nodded, kissing her again.

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

Though she was still not feeling quite up to par, Jenny knew she had to get back to work or her superiors would have her ass. Still, if she'd known that she'd be dealing with her current situation, she might have reconsidered. Gibbs, DiNozzo and Ziva had ended up in a hostage situation involving a marine with high explosives, and as she waited for McGee to set up communication, she was pacing her office nervously.

"Excuse me, Director, Agent McGee needs to see you in the squad room"

"Thank you, Cynthia."

She all but ran down the stairs, trying to stay calm, and as McGee noticed her in the room, he waved her over.

"I got through to Gibbs, Director."

"Put me through. Now."

"Yes, ma'am."

She waited and at his signal, she nodded.

"Gibbs. What's your status?"

"Bit busy at the moment, Director. Trying to talk him down."

"Does he have a dead man's switch?"

"No idea. Didn't get a good look before he barricaded himself in the back room."

"Your team?"

"All fine. We'll be in touch."

"Gibbs, you—"

He disconnected the communication, and Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Get him back, McGee."

McGee frowned.

"I can't, ma'am. He's switched it off. Nothing I can do."

She nodded, looking at him seriously.

"What's their location?"

"House about two miles from the Anacostia. Marine barricaded himself inside with his daughter. Wife won't let him see her, so he grabbed her and ran."

Shit. No wonder Gibbs had gotten involved. Cases involving children always affected him strongly.

"There's a child in there?! What's he going to do, blow her up with him?"

"No idea, ma'am."

Jenny frowned, running her hand through her hair. She knew what her agent side was telling her to do, and after a few moments of debating, she nodded to herself.

"Is there any way we can get visual contact, McGee?"

He shook his head.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"I need their exact location. Now."

He nodded.

"I can send it to your phone."

"Do that. I'll be in touch."

Before he could respond, Jenny had swept her hair up into a ponytail and was heading for the elevator, her badge and sidearm clipped to her belt.

* * *

"McGee, do you have any word on Gibbs yet?"

The probationary agent shook his head.

"Not yet, Ducky."

"What does the Director advise?"

"No idea. She's not here. She went out after them."

"She did _what_?"

McGee held up his hands in surrender.

"She asked for their exact location, and she left."

Ducky frowned.

"She's going to get herself killed. Stubborn woman."

McGee sighed, hoping _someone_ would be contacting him soon. He felt beyond useless sitting behind his computer, but he knew that if he left, he would be potentially endangering everyone. To him, it was the ultimate no-win situation.

* * *

Jenny flashed her Naval ID and badge as she approached the officers standing outside, and as they allowed her through, she smirked. Sometimes being the Director came with major perks. She silently entered the front of the house, and when Gibbs noticed her presence, he glared at her.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he whispered.

"Someone had to save your ass."

Turning to the locked door in front of them, she called out to the marine inside, hoping to distract him enough so they could get in.

"Staff Sergeant Mills, this is Director Jenny Shepard, NCIS. Why don't you unlock the door and talk to us? No one has to get hurt here. I know you don't want to hurt your daughter."

"I'm not opening the door. You're not taking Katie away from me."

"No one wants to do that, Staff Sergeant. We just want to get everyone out of here safely."

"I'm not giving her up."

"Staff Sergeant, just talk to us. We can work this out."

Jenny thought she could hear the faint sounds of a child crying, but she couldn't be sure. Waving to Gibbs, she pointed at the door. He met her eyes, searching them for an answer, and finally he nodded. Ziva stood behind her, her weapon aimed and steady, and as Gibbs brought his foot to the door, the sound of wood splintering filled the room. Together, they rushed the room, Gibbs tackling the Staff Sergeant and Jenny immediately reaching for the little girl as she huddled in the corner. She pulled her out, passing her to Tony, and he lifted her into his arms, running for the exit.

As Ziva checked to make sure the little girl was cleared from the area, Gibbs was trying to get a grip on the explosive strapped to the Staff Sergeant's body. Jenny pulled her weapon, aiming it carefully and as the timer was hit on the device, the Staff Sergeant ripped it from his body, tossing it across the room. Gibbs released his hold on the man and he bolted from the room. Ziva pursued him, and as Gibbs met her eyes, Jenny looked at the explosive carefully.

"We've got about thirty seconds."

He nodded, standing and reaching for her hand. He pulled her through the door and as they neared the front hallway, he looked at her seriously.

"If we die in here, Shepard, I'm kicking your ass."

"If we die in here, it's all your damn fault! You're the one slowing us down!"

She laughed breathlessly as she ran, and as her foot crossed the front door, she felt the blow back of the explosion. Her body was thrown onto the grass and as her breath was knocked out of her, she closed her eyes in pain. She felt Gibbs pull her to her feet and as they moved to a safer distance, he looked down at her.

"You okay?"

She nodded, and when she was finally able to speak, she looked at him seriously.

"You?"

Nodding, he glanced around the yard, searching for Tony. He was standing near the paramedics, talking to Katie Mills quietly, and Jenny made her way slowly over to them. She leaned down, smiling at the little girl, not wanting to scare her more than she already was.

"Hi, Katie. I'm Jenny. You don't have to be scared now. You're safe."

"Where's my Mommy?"

Jenny glanced at Gibbs and he knelt down.

"She's on her way to pick you up. You were a very brave little girl in there today."

Katie smiled and Gibbs winked at her as he turned away, facing Jenny once again.

"Hell of a day, huh, Shepard?"

* * *

Jenny sighed as she stepped into the shower and felt the warmth of the water rush over her. The bruises mottling her skin made her frown and though it was painful, she was proud to have them. She'd proven her worth in the field even after becoming Director, and she could have sworn that she saw a look of pride in Gibbs' eyes as they'd driven to his house that evening. All the pain in the world was worth it just to see that look in his eyes.

Finally, she turned off the water in her shower and as she wrapped a soft towel around her body, she sighed. It was a bit strange, being back in her own house after staying with Gibbs for so long, but she had to admit that she had missed it. Just as she finished dressing, her phone rang and she sighed, searching for the offending device.

"Shepard."

"Jenny, this is Daniel Way. How are you?"

"Daniel! I'm doing very well, how are you?"

"I'm great. Listen, I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Jenny felt her heart drop at his words and she unconsciously gripped the phone tighter.

"What is it?"

"Harrison's being released early."

"What? How?"

"Good behaviour. Load of shit, if you ask me."

"When?"

"He's being released next month."

She felt as though she had been punched and she sank down on her bed, her legs no longer able to support her weight.

"T-thank you, Daniel."

"I'm not exactly sure if I was supposed to tell you, but you deserved to know."

Thanking him again, Jenny hung up, grabbing her shoes quickly. She ran down the stairs, not bothering to call her driver, and as she threw herself into her car, she couldn't stop crying.

* * *

Gibbs frowned at the sound of fast footsteps running down his basement steps and when he looked around to see his favourite redhead nearly fall down them in her haste, he was immediately concerned.

"Jen?"

She crossed the room in two steps, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her head in his chest. Her breathing was fast, and he looked down at her seriously.

"What's wrong?"

She answered him, but her voice was so quiet that he missed it.

"What?"

"Harrison's getting out, Jethro," she repeated, her voice breaking.

"When?"

"Next month. Daniel Way just called me."

Her fingers gripped his jacket tightly and he wrapped his arms around her, hoping he was providing some sense of security.

"Why?"

"Good behaviour. You know how the court system is fucked."

He nodded, kissing her hair.

"Don't worry."

"What if he finds me? Or finds you? You killed his brother, he won't take that lightly."

He shook his head.

"He won't. He's not going to hurt you. I made you a promise, and I'm not about to break it."

Her head shook.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep, Jethro."

"I'll keep it, Jen. Even if it's the last thing I ever do."

He pulled back, holding her just far enough away that he could look at her properly.

"You ever doubted me?"

"Professionally? Never."

"Don't doubt me now."

He pulled her close again, and she nodded against his chest. He pretended that he didn't notice her tears dampening his shirt and as they stood in the middle of the room, he wished more than anything that he could take her fear away.

* * *

Jenny smiled thoughtfully as she twirled the chain holding her ring around her throat across her hand. She pulled the silver band from the chain, and slid it on her finger, remembering the last time she had worn it. It was slightly loose, a testament to the recent weight she'd lost, and as it glittered on her finger, she smirked. Perhaps it was time to mess with Gibbs just a bit.

She stood from behind her desk, making her way onto the catwalk, and she smiled as she saw him sitting behind his desk, glaring daggers at his computer.

"McGee, can you fix this damn thing?"

"Sure, boss. What's the problem?"

"It's frozen."

"Just like Ziva's heart," Tony quipped.

The yelp that came from Tony's desk as Ziva launched a pencil at him made Jenny smile. She walked down the stairs, stopping in front of Gibbs' desk, and looked at him seriously.

"Breaking agency property, Special Agent Gibbs?"

"No. It's not my fault it doesn't work."

"McGee doesn't seem to have a problem."

Tony glanced over at them, shrugging.

"To be fair, Probie Wan Kenobi is one with the ways of the Geek Force."

"Very funny, Tony," McGee snapped, "All good, boss."

Jenny smirked at Gibbs, wondering how long it was going to take him to notice the ring on her finger, and he met her eyes curiously.

"You need something, Director?"

She shook her head.

"Coffee run."

As she turned away, the light caught her hand, and he saw a glimmer of silver that he hadn't noticed before. He followed her as she walked to the coffee stand, and he caught her by the arm as he closed the distance between them.

"Jen, wait."

She frowned.

"Problem?"

He looked at her hand pointedly.

"You're wearing the ring."

She glanced down, her eyes widening in false surprise.

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

She turned away and he grabbed her arm again.

"_Why_ are you wearing the ring?"

Raising her eyebrow at him suggestively, she began walking and he sighed, running to keep up with her.

"Answer me."

"You really want to know?"

He glared at her and she smiled.

"I just wanted to see how long it would take for you to see it. And you call yourself an investigator."

She took it off, slipping it back onto the delicate chain, and he fought the urge to slap the back of her head.

"The next time you put that ring on, you'd damn well better mean it."

"Bold of you to assume that there will be a next time."

"Hey, I'm irresistible."

She laughed outright, and he gave her a smile. As she picked up her coffee, he stole a glance at her as she walked away and he knew, by the look she threw over her shoulder, that she'd been aware of his staring.

"See something you like, Jethro?"

He tilted his head, smirking.

"I haven't decided yet."

Yeah. He liked it a hell of a lot.

"Well, when you decide, be sure to let me know," she murmured softly.

The sway of her hips as she walked away was enough to drive him crazy.

* * *

The door of her office opened unannounced and Jenny frowned. She knew who it was, of course, but still she was annoyed.

"One of these days, I'm going to lock that door just to throw you off."

He smirked.

"Good idea."

As the lock clicked in place, Jenny raised her eyebrows in question.

"Something I can do for you, Jethro?"

"Yeah. I've decided."

He walked around to the other side of her desk, pulling her up from the chair and holding her against him.

"And what did you decide?"

"You tell me."

He crashed his lips onto hers and her hands went to his waist, pulling his body impossibly closer. He lifted her into his arms, placing her on the desk behind her, and she kissed him deeply. Her tongue found his and he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth, causing a low moan to escape her. She threaded her fingers through his hair as he kissed her throat and before she could get too swept up in him, she pulled away.

"Jethro, we can't do this here."

"Of all the places we've done this and your locked office is where you draw the line?" he laughed.

Considering him for a moment, she nodded, pulling him back to her.

"You're very persuasive."

"I have many talents."

She kissed him again, pushing his jacket from his shoulders.

"Care to demonstrate?"

He grabbed her hips, unhooking the button on her slacks, and as his hand slid under the thin piece of lace she called underwear, she bit down on her lip. He slowly moved his finger inside of her and her head fell back. His other hand steadied her on the desk and when he added another finger, she moaned.

"Jesus, Jethro."

He pulled her closer, his hand moving faster and as he curled his fingers, Jenny kissed him again. Her tongue explored his mouth, causing him to lose his rhythm for a moment, but she didn't seem to mind. Her body was shaking now, and as he felt her walls tighten around his fingers, he brought his lips to her ear, his breath warm on her skin.

"Come on, Jen. Don't fight it. Let go."

She threw her hand over her mouth to muffle her scream as she felt her orgasm rock through her, and when she fell forward onto his chest, he held her close as her body shook.

"Best decision I ever made," he whispered.

She nodded, still shaking slightly.

"I agree."

He lifted her from the desk, and when she stumbled, he caught her in his arms.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Just a little shaky. What did you do to me, Jethro?"

He smirked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"That was just the preview. Full show is still in the works."

"Can't wait."

He walked to the door, unlocking it slowly, and as he looked at her, he smiled.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Love you."

She smiled.

"Love you, too."

* * *

Though she hated to admit it, Jenny was scared. Ducky had told her that there was a ten percent chance that her illness wouldn't be cured with the antibiotics she'd been taking, and with her recent bout of luck, she didn't like the odds. She didn't want to think about what would happen if she never recovered, yet that was all she seemed to be thinking of, even in the most inopportune moments. Even as Gibbs had held her in his arms the night before, she'd found herself wondering if it could possibly be one of the last times he ever touched her.

She shook her head as she sat down on her couch, trying to somehow distract herself from the thoughts, and finally she reached for the decanter of bourbon she'd brought from her study. Though it was smooth, the taste still made her shudder as it burned down her throat and she sighed. The glass was empty in seconds, yet it still wasn't enough. She poured another, taking longer than necessary due to her shaking hands, and when she finally finished it, she closed her eyes slowly.

She hadn't had a drink in awhile, but she was still surprised by how quickly she began to feel the delicious tingling in the tips of her fingers. She reached for her phone, and though she hesitated, she still placed it to her ear, waiting somewhat impatiently.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Hey."

"Hi. Are you okay?"

She frowned.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's almost midnight, Jen. You should probably be asleep."

She laughed, running her hand through her hair.

"I'm fine, Jethro. Just wanted to hear your voice."

"Uh-huh," he answered slowly, "Sure. But something's bothering you. Isn't it?"

Jenny was silent, biting down on her lip as she tried to think of how to answer.

"Jen?"

"Jethro, what if—what if I'm one of the ten percent?"

And there it was. She'd finally said it out loud and there was no taking it back now.

"Not gonna happen."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do. You're too stubborn to die from something that insignificant."

She laughed, pouring another drink, and he waited, knowing she wasn't through yet.

"Harrison could find me, Jethro. If he knows his brother is dead, he's going to want revenge."

"You didn't kill his brother."

She shook her head, tossing back her drink.

"No, but he won't see it that way."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you. We'll disappear from existence if that's what it takes to keep you safe."

Jenny sighed, and Gibbs spoke again, his voice gentle.

"Jen...put down the bourbon and get some sleep. Everything is going to be fine."

"How did you—"

"You ramble when you drink."

"Fair enough. Good night, Jethro."

"Night."

"Hey, Jen?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

She smiled, standing up and making her way to her stairs.

"I love you, too."

* * *

As her eyes took in the doctor sitting across from her, Jenny twisted the necklace she wore in her hands. She hated feeling this nervous, and when Ducky smiled at her, she didn't have the strength to return it.

"Relax, my dear."

"Sorry, Ducky."

He waved away her apology, and looked at her with an expression that she couldn't quite identify. She sighed, taking a drink of her coffee and tried to pretend that she wasn't about to scream.

"Ducky, will you just get to it? I can't handle waiting any longer."

He smiled.

"You're going to be fine, Jennifer. Your blood work came back normal, and other than possibly experiencing some residual side effects, everything is as it should be."

"Really?"

He nodded and she stood up, walking around the desk to hug him tightly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He kissed her cheek lightly, and gave her a reassuring smile. She felt as though a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and as the doctor excused himself, she smiled. For the first time in weeks, she felt as though her life were finally leveling out.

* * *

As he worked on his boat, Gibbs frowned, thinking of Harrison's upcoming release from prison. Though he'd told Jenny not to worry, he didn't blame her at all for being scared. If Harrison's brother had found out where she lived, there was nothing to stop the living brother from locating her as well. While he knew his own house was perfectly safe, he still couldn't help the annoying voice in the back of his mind telling him that he needed to get Jenny away for at least a few days after Harrison's immediate release.

Trying to come up with a solution, he racked his brain for what he knew of Jenny's family. Her parents were out of the question, seeing as he had no idea if her mother was even alive and the Colonel was lying six feet under, he knew she didn't have any siblings, and he didn't think she spoke to anyone else from her past. His own family wasn't much better. The only relative he even remotely spoke to was his father and he hadn't heard from him in years.

He sighed, thinking. Would his father even pick up the phone if he called? He hadn't been back to Stillwater since Kelly had been about three, and he wasn't sure if he even wanted to consider it now. He picked up his phone, preparing to grit his teeth get it over with, when it occurred to him that he didn't even know if his father still had the same number. He laughed, shaking his head at his own pathetic excuse. Jackson Gibbs never changed. He was a creature of habit. Gibbs supposed that was where he inherited the trait.

Listening to it ring, he frowned. Maybe he _had_ changed his number. Or perhaps something worse. Just as his imagination was about to go to the darkest corner of his mind, he heard a click, followed by a breathless greeting.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Dad."

"Leroy! Haven't heard from you in ages. How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Oh, you know. Running the store, same as always. Drinking coffee, reading the paper. Nothing changes much around here."

Gibbs laughed.

"Don't I know it."

"So, what gives? You getting divorced again?"

"Nope. Those days are over. Listen, I was wondering, can I come down next month for a few days? Got something I need to work through."

"Sure. Sure. Come down whenever you want. Good time to clear your head, with spring coming and all."

He nodded.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll be in touch."

"Take care of yourself, Leroy."

"Yeah. You, too."

He hung up, running his hand through his hair. Now the only problem was figuring out how to tell Jenny.

* * *

He'd been staring at her all night as though he wanted to ask her something, and it was beginning to grate on Jenny's nerves. She sighed as she noticed him watching her from his boat and she set down her drink loudly.

"Is there something you want to say, Jethro?"

He frowned.

"What?"

"You've been looking at me all night like you're trying to figure out how to tell me something. Or ask me something. What is it?"

He stood, brushing off the sawdust from his jeans and walked closer to her. He met her eyes seriously and she frowned.

"I've been thinking. With Harrison getting out in a few weeks, we need to be careful."

"Yes?"

"How would you feel about getting away for a few days that weekend? I know a place. Real quiet, secluded, no one would bother us."

"Is this place your basement?"

He smirked.

"Nope. It's a real place. Interested?"

She was quiet for a moment and then raised her eyebrow suggestively.

"This isn't the part where you take me to the woods to murder me, is it?"

"Nah. If I was gonna murder you, I would've called Ziva."

"No traces. Smart."

"Yep."

After a few minutes of silence, Jenny looked up at him and nodded.

"Sure. I'd love to."

He leaned down, kissing her slowly and when she pulled him closer, his hands went to her waist, holding her tightly. He brushed her hair to the side, kissing her throat, and as he lifted her into his arms, he realised that he felt truly happy, and he had a certain intoxicating redhead to thank for it. He carried her to the stairs, making it his mission to thank her in every way possible.

* * *

**A/N: Now I have to actually watch episodes that feature Jackson. I stopped watching the show after Jenny's death, so I am woefully behind and know next to nothing about Gibbs' father. And no, I'm not going to attempt to catch up on over ten years of programming in one weekend. I'm just going to research Jackson's episodes and go from there. Here goes nothing!**


	23. Old Wounds

**A/N: In which we travel to Stillwater, and Gibbs is very interested in his roast beef sandwich. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Jenny stared out the window thoughtfully as Gibbs drove, wondering for the millionth time where they were going. They'd been driving for quite awhile, though she had lost track of the time soon after leaving. Her thoughts had been running rampant, going over endless scenarios, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could take the silence.

He turned down a dark road, causing Jenny to frown.

"Thought you said you _weren't_ taking me to the woods to murder me," she said dryly.

He smirked, staying silent. Jenny watched the trees go by, reminding her of the times she had gone camping as a child, and she smiled softly.

"I haven't been this far in the woods since my father took my sister and I camping when I was eleven."

Gibbs frowned. He hadn't known Jenny even had a sister.  
"Your sister?"

She nodded, glancing over at him.

"We're not close anymore. We haven't spoken since my father died."

"What's her name?"

"Heather. I think she got married a few years ago, but I could be wrong."

He nodded, his eyes on the road, and when he turned again, she saw they were approaching a small town. She sat up slightly, her eyes trying to take in every detail. They pulled up in front of a large building, and as she read the sign, she fought the urge to laugh.

"It really says "General Store" at the top? I've never seen a sign like that anywhere other than old television shows."

He nodded.

"Yep. Very small town."

"How do you know about this place?"

Shrugging, he grabbed his jacket.

"I grew up here."

"Really?"

He nodded, opening the door of the truck, and as he walked to her side, she looked around curiously.

"There's just one more thing," he said as he helped her down from the truck.

She raised her eyebrow and he nodded to the store.

"Let's go."

Following him to the door, she smiled when she heard the bell jungle as they opened it. Gibbs walked up to the counter, looking at the man standing behind it and he inclined his head in greeting.

"Nice to see you, Leroy."

Jenny frowned. It was so unusual to hear someone address Gibbs by his first name that it threw her off for a moment. The older man looked at him steadily, waiting for a response, and Gibbs nodded once, his expression never changing.

"Hi, Dad."

* * *

To say that she was shocked would have been the understatement of the year. Jenny's eyes flickered between the two men, trying to find some sort of resemblance in their features and she finally settled on staring at Gibbs in confusion.

"Dad, I'd like you to meet someone."

The elder Gibbs glanced at her, as if seeing her for the first time, and held out his hand.

"Jackson Gibbs."

"Jenny Shepard."

His eyes lingered on her hair and he smiled knowingly.

"Leroy always did like redheads."

Jenny smiled, nodding at him in agreement.

"Yes, I'm well aware."

Jackson walked around the counter to properly look at her and Jenny found herself feeling as though she was back in high school meeting her boyfriend's family for the first time. It made her uncharacteristically nervous and she ran her hand through her hair.

"What brings you back, Leroy? Haven't heard from you in nearly twenty years."

Gibbs shrugged.

"Needed to get away. Couldn't think of a better place to disappear."

Jackson frowned.

"You in some kind of trouble?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Nope."

He didn't elaborate and Jackson didn't ask. Jenny stayed silent, watching the exchange feeling slightly like she'd stepped into the Twilight Zone. Suddenly, Jackson smiled and looked at her kindly.

"You two must be exhausted. It's late. I was just about to lock up. You're more than welcome to stay with me."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not necessary."

"I insist."

Sighing, Gibbs nodded, knowing he would never win in the argument, and leaned down to Jenny, his voice low in her ear.

"Hope you weren't expecting the Ritz, Director."

She glared at him playfully and shook her head.

"Believe it or not, I don't much care for the Ritz. Too stuffy."

He laughed quietly, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She smiled as she looked up at him, wondering what other surprises the next few hours would bring.

* * *

As she wandered around the small room, Jenny smiled as she looked at the place Gibbs had lived in for the entirety of his childhood. It was sparsely decorated, not that she had expected any different, and as she ran her hand delicately over the small bookshelf, Gibbs walked up behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist and she turned, smiling up at him.

"You should get some sleep."

She smiled.

"Your dad won't call my parents if he catches us in the same bed, will he?"

Gibbs laughed, kissing her throat lightly.

"He might."

She touched his cheek, looking in his eyes seriously.

"You should sleep too, you know."

He nodded, pulling her towards the bed. It was small, but still wide enough for both to fit comfortably, and as he held her in his arms, Gibbs kissed the top of Jenny's head.

"Sleep, Jen. You're safe here."

She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep, but her mind simply wouldn't turn off. She'd been introduced to a new aspect in Gibbs' life and she was having trouble processing it.

* * *

Though she tried, Jenny simply couldn't sleep, and as she turned in Gibbs' arms, she sighed. Carefully, she pulled away from him, and walked to the door. She knew she probably shouldn't be invading Jackson's house and privacy, but she knew she would never be able to live with the burning curiosity if she didn't at least explore a bit.

She frowned as she made her way into the kitchen, not expecting the soft light, and when he noticed her, Jackson smiled.

"Couldn't sleep?"

She shook her head.

"Too much going on in my head."

He nodded.

"Coffee?"

She accepted it gratefully, and as he smiled at her, she finally found the resemblance she'd been searching for. His eyes lit up in the same way when he smiled, and he looked at her seriously.

"Tell me the truth, Jenny. Leroy in some kind of trouble?"

She shook her head, her eyes sad.

"No," she answered quietly, "I am."

Sighing, Jenny took a drink of her coffee and he met her eyes, waiting for her to continue.

"Last October, I was...I was attacked. Jethro caught the man and he was put in prison. He got two years, but he's being released early. This weekend, actually. His brother was killed while he was locked up, and he might come looking for revenge. We needed a way to disappear, at least for a few days, so here we are."

Though he was certain he already knew the answer, Jackson had to ask anyway.

"What did he do to you, Jenny?"

She looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

"He raped me," she whispered.

The elder Gibbs nodded and reached across the table to touch her hand.

"I'm sorry. That's horrible."

She nodded and took another drink of her coffee, not even caring that it burned her tongue.

"It was. Jethro's been helping me through it, but it's still difficult at times."

"Well, Leroy's no stranger to difficult."

Jenny looked at him seriously, her voice soft in the quiet.

"He met her here, didn't he?"

Jackson nodded.

"Sure did. Train station. They were just kids, really."

"She was beautiful. He doesn't talk much about her. Or Kelly."

Jackson looked at her, his eyes searching hers, as if he were deciding how much to tell her.

"I haven't seen him since they passed. We had a falling out at the funeral. Even then, he didn't talk much about it. But if he told you, he must care about you a great deal."

Jenny didn't speak, and he stood, gesturing for her to follow him. She drained her coffee cup, walking closely behind him, and when he stopped in the living room, he knelt in front of an old trunk. It had been carefully restored, and Jenny wondered how long that particular piece of furniture had been in his possession. He opened it, and he pulled out a small dress, handing it to her gently.

"When she was about two or three, Shannon brought Kelly down here for a weekend. When Leroy came to pick her up, this accidentally got left behind. I put it up, planning to give it back to them the next time I saw them."

Jenny turned the fabric over in her hand, her fingers delicately tracing the pattern and she handed it back, trying to ignore the tears in her eyes.

"You never saw them again."

Jackson shook his head.

"I went to the funeral, but it didn't go so well. I messed up, and Leroy's never quite forgiven me."

Jenny reached out to touch his shoulder gently, and gave him a small smile.

"I'm sure he did. He's just not always good with words."

They walked back into the kitchen, Jackson refilling both his cup and Jenny's and as they sat in comfortable silence, Jenny found her thoughts returning to the tiny pink dress in Jackson's trunk.

"You know, you're the first woman he's brought here since Shannon."

Unsure of what to say, Jenny smiled as she raised her coffee cup to her lips.

"It's good to see that he's found someone."

"Thank you," she said softly.

The sound of footsteps approaching made them both look around and Jenny smiled as Gibbs walked into the room, heading straight for the coffee maker.

"Some things never change," Jackson laughed.

* * *

Against Jackson's protests, Jenny was stocking shelves in the store, needing something to occupy her time. Gibbs watched her silently, both making sure she was safe and admiring the view as she worked. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders, she wore a simple pair of jeans and a pale green shirt, and she had (for once) forgone her trademark heels in favour of a pair of Converse sneakers. He hadn't seen her dress so casually in years and she looked more relaxed that he'd ever known her to be.

Jackson, under the pretense of counting the register, was standing behind the counter and he occasionally glanced at his son and smiled as he saw how attentively he watched over the redhead. It was obvious, to anyone who looked, that his son cared deeply for the younger woman, and as he closed the register, Jackson made his way over to Gibbs.

"You gonna marry this one?"

The younger Gibbs shook his head.

"That's up to her to decide."

Jackson nodded, glancing at Jenny as she finished stocking the box she'd been working on.

"You love her."

Gibbs didn't answer, and Jackson continued.

"She seems like she's been good for you. She cares about you, any fool could see that. It's in her eyes when she talks about you."

"Mhm."

"Don't mess this up, Leroy."

"Don't plan on it."

Jenny walked over, flashing them a smile, and Gibbs returned it, his eyes roaming over her body appreciatively. She looked better than she had in weeks, and he handed her a bottle of water. Her hand shook as she took it, and when it slipped from her grasp, she swore softly. Jackson grabbed a towel from behind the counter and began to mop up the spilled liquid.

"I'm so sorry, Jackson."

He waved her words away, and smiled at her.

"It's okay. Just water. Not a big deal at all."

Gibbs frowned, looking at her with concern.

"You okay, Jen?"

She nodded, but her shaking hands told another story. He narrowed his eyes at her, and shook his head.

"You should sit down for a minute."

Though it was her first instinct to protest, one look at his serious expression told her not to argue. She nodded, walking to the back of the store, and Jackson frowned.

"Leroy?"

Gibbs sighed.

"She got sick awhile back. Still dealing with a few symptoms every so often."

"It serious?"

"It was. She's fine now."

Gibbs picked up another bottle of water, and when he walked back to the stock room, he found Jenny sitting on an upturned crate. He placed his hand on her shoulder and when she turned, he handed her the bottle of water with a smile.

"Thanks."

Her hands were steadier now, and as she took a long drink from the water bottle, Gibbs leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"You okay now?"

She nodded, and he held out his hand. She let him pull her to her feet and when he held her against him, she laid her head tiredly on his chest.

"You didn't sleep at all last night. You should go back to bed."

Her head shook, and he sighed.

"You're so damn stubborn."

She laughed, raising up to look at him.

"You're a fine one to talk."

Leaning down to kiss her, he smiled as her lips met his. A light clearing of the throat made them break apart and Jenny looked over to find Jackson standing in the doorway.

"Sorry to interrupt, but how about lunch? I'm starving."

Glancing at Gibbs, Jenny waited until he had agreed to nod at the older man. Food sounded amazing.

* * *

"How long you two been together?"

Jenny looked to Gibbs, unsure of how to answer and frowned. He had suddenly become very interested in his roast beef sandwich, and she sighed.

"That's kind of a difficult one to answer."

"Since 1999, more or less," Gibbs replied.

Jenny shot him a confused look, and Jackson looked at his son in disbelief.

"All that time and I'm just now hearing about it?"

He shrugged, and Jackson smiled at Jenny.

"Seems to be pretty serious."

Jenny frowned, pretending to think about it.

"No, I don't think so."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Nope. It's just a teenage fling. Nothing important."

Jackson looked between them, not sure if they were joking or not.

"Leroy, you're fifty-two years old."

Jenny's eyes widened and she looked at Gibbs in mock horror.

"Fifty-two? You told me that you were thirty-five!"

He smirked.

"Sorry, Jen. Had to get you to like me somehow."

"Hm...okay. But...that means...we're old. This is very upsetting. What are we going to do now?"

He frowned, looking at her seriously. The laughter in his eyes made her feel happier than she had in weeks, and she fought to maintain her serious expression as he spoke next.

"We should run off to Canada."

She nodded, taking a drink of the tea sitting in front of her.

"Seems logical."

"Very funny."

Jackson had apparently realised that they were joking now, and Jenny laughed quietly as Gibbs returned to his roast beef sandwich. The elder Gibbs frowned as Jenny reached for her glass again, noticing the glint of silver at her throat, and when she excused herself to use the restroom, he turned to his son with confused eyes.

"She married before?"

Gibbs shook his head, puzzled.

"Nope. Why?"

"The ring around her neck. Thought maybe she was a widow or something."

Gibbs smirked.

"I gave that ring to her in '99. Told her she could put it on whenever she decided she wanted to marry me."

Jackson frowned.

"Why don't you just ask her?"

"Nah. Jen and I don't work that way. I'm leaving it up to her."

Jenny returned, smiling as she sat down, and looked at the two Gibbs men.

"So, Jackson...what was Jethro like as a teenager?"

Jackson laughed, and Gibbs glared at her. She shrugged, arching her eyebrow at him, and he sighed.

"Quiet, brooding, didn't get out much unless we went fishing."

Jenny looked at Gibbs, trying not to laugh.

"Wow...he's changed so much since then," she said sarcastically.

Jackson laughed at her words, and he looked to his son approvingly.

"I like her, Leroy."

Gibbs glanced at the redhead next to him, running his thumb over the back of her hand lightly. He was pretty fond of her, too.

* * *

Much too soon for Jenny's liking, the weekend had come to an end, and as she threw the last of their bags into the back of the truck, she frowned. She'd had a wonderful time getting to know Jackson, and learning more of his past, but she knew they couldn't hide in Stillwater forever. They both had jobs to return to, and she knew Gibbs was beginning to get restless.

His relationship with his father was still strained, but Jenny hoped that perhaps over time, she might be able to convince him to reach out again.

"See you, Dad. Thanks for letting us stay."

"Of course. Take care."

Jackson turned to Jenny, surprising her as he hugged her, and she smiled as he spoke in her ear.

"Keep him in line."

She nodded.

"I'll do my best. It was lovely to meet you, Jackson."

"Good to meet you, Jenny. Have a safe trip."

Gibbs nodded to his father as they drove away and when they had driven a few miles, Jenny turned in her seat to look at him.

"Jethro, I want to thank you. This was nice."

He glanced at her, stealing a look at the ring at her throat.

"You're welcome."

She rested her head against the window, watching the scenery as it flew past them. Her eyes closed as she tried in vain to stay awake, and before she knew what had happened, she was sleeping peacefully.

* * *

Gibbs didn't have the heart to wake Jenny as he parked the truck in front of her house, and as he lifted her into his arms, he frowned slightly. She seemed lighter than she had previously, though he supposed that was to be expected given her recent illness, and as he gently kicked her front door shut, he kissed her forehead.

He carried her up to the bedroom, setting her down on the bed carefully, and laid down next to her, pulling her into his arms. She stirred in his embrace, opening her eyes slowly, and looked at him blearily.

"Jethro?"

'Go back to sleep, Jen."

She nodded, curling her body into his, and he smiled. He reached out, touching the silver ring lightly, and as he watched her sleep, he wondered if she would have said yes if he'd asked her. Somehow, he doubted it, but still he wondered.

* * *

Jenny opened her eyes, trying to figure out how she'd ended up in her bed. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep in Gibbs' truck on the way back from Stillwater. Feeling a slight movement to her right, she looked over and smiled when she noticed the former marine sleeping next to her. She ran her fingers through his hair lightly and when he opened his eyes, she smiled again.

"Hey."

"Hey. Sleep well?"

She nodded, raising up on her arm to kiss him, and when he swept his tongue into her mouth, she pulled him closer. The kiss left her breathless, in the best possible way, and after she pulled away, her hands trailed down his chest.

"What was that for?" she whispered.

"Jen, I had to spend an entire weekend not being able to touch you. That's torture."

He kissed her again, harder than before, and when he pushed her farther onto her back, she immediately pulled his shirt over his head.

"In a hurry?"

"Don't be gentle."

He frowned. The last time she'd told him that, she'd been trying to forget. He wondered at her motivation now, but her lips on his skin made him ignore his suspicions. He pulled her clothing from her body in record time, his own not far behind, and when she bit down on his lower lip, he gasped. He ran his hands over her body, trying to make sure she was ready, and she kissed him again, her hands tight in his hair.

"Jenny..."

"Hush."

She flipped them so that he was under her, and he frowned at her urgency. She took him in rougher than she'd ever done before, and as she moved over him, he gripped her hips hard enough to bruise. He flipped them again, jerking her closer, and she cried out, her head falling back. His movements were harsh, and he bit down on her throat, relishing the loud moan that fell from her lips. She knew, without a doubt, that there would be a mark on her white skin the next day, but she welcomed it.

Her hips met his every thrust, his name a low moan in her throat, and his hand wound into her hair. He gripped it tightly, using it to tip her head back, and he ran his tongue along the shell of her ear. She shivered, moaning as his teeth pulled the nipple of her breast into his mouth. He knew he was close, and he looked down at her seriously.

"Jen.."

"Don't stop," she whispered.

He reached between them, touching her expertly, and she jerked in his arms. As they both fell over the edge, she moaned breathlessly, her eyes closing as her head fell back. He buried his head in her shoulder, breathing in scent of sex, sweat, perfume, and a scent that was uniquely Jenny, and she kissed his temple weakly.

"Jethro..."

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Jenny smiled as she looked at the picture in her hands, and when Gibbs walked up behind her, she turned.

"What're you looking at?"

She handed it to him, and he glanced at it.

"It's a picture of Heather and me."

He looked at it more closely, taking in every detail. Jenny appeared to be around twenty in the picture, and her sister looked slightly younger. Her hair, a shade or two darker than Jenny's, fell just below her chin, and he smiled.

"Two redheaded daughters close in age. I feel bad for what the Colonel went through when you were in high school."

Jenny smacked him lightly.

"I was a good kid."

"He would've been horrified at what we just did, then."

She laughed, nodding.

"Definitely. He would have had a coronary."

He handed the picture back to her and she set it down on the coffee table. Her hands shook slightly, and he took one of them gently in his own.

"Feeling okay?"

She nodded.

"I still get dizzy sometimes, but it's not too bad. The main thing I notice is the shaking. Annoying, but manageable."

He kissed her hand and she gave him a smile.

"Thinking about calling your sister?"

She shook her head.

"No. She doesn't want to talk to me."

"You never know."

She settled back on the couch and he did the same, pulling her legs across his lap. There was a question he'd been dying to ask her, but he hadn't wanted to possibly ruin their first night back in town. Still, he supposed he would take the plunge. It would bother him until he did, so no time like the present.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Hm?"

"If I had asked you to marry me back in '99. Would you have said yes?"

She frowned, thinking.

"I don't know. I've never really considered being married before. It seems so...final. It's so permanent."

She glanced at him, smirking.

"Well, it's _usually_ permanent. I'm not against the idea, but it's not something that I want to rush into. I'd have to consider it very carefully."

He nodded.

"I can respect that. Just wanted to know your thoughts."

Jenny laughed, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Since when do you care about a woman's _thoughts_?"

He nodded, glancing at her seriously.

"You're right. It's all about the sex. We've got no substance to our relationship. Nothing deep or meaningful about it."

"To be fair, the sex is really damn good."

He kissed her, running his hand up and down her leg gently.

"Yeah, it is."

"Good thing I'm pretty. We'd never make it without casual sex."

"Hate to break it to you, Jen, but I'm definitely the pretty one here."

Jenny couldn't stop herself from bursting into laughter and he smiled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Her laugh was one of the best sounds he'd ever heard, and he would do anything to hear it for the rest of his life. She looked at him seriously, and tried to steady her voice.

"If you're the pretty one, what does that make me?"

"The smart one."

"You're right," she smirked, "You are kind of an idiot."

"My dad would agree with you."

The mood instantly shifted and she touched his knee lightly.

"Jackson loves you. He might not say it, but you Gibbs men have never been much for words."

"Think he might love you more."

She rolled her eyes.

"Jethro, I'm serious. You really should try to work things out. I know he misses you."

He sighed. Perhaps she had a point.

"I'll try. But it won't be easy."

Jenny moved closer, nearly sitting on his lap, and she kissed him gently.

"Nothing worth having ever is. Our relationship is a perfect example of that. We've always been complex and sometimes downright painful, but it's worth it."

He smiled, kissing her again.

"You're worth everything to me."

* * *

Jenny found herself thinking about Gibbs' words more and more over the next few days and as she sat in her office, she pulled the ring from its chain. It sat in her hand, glittering in the bright sun that filtered through her window, and when Cynthia knocked on her door, she jumped, sliding it onto her hand so that she wouldn't drop it.

"Excuse me, Director. Agent Lee in legal dropped off these papers for you to review."

The redhead nodded, reaching for them. The younger woman noticed the ring on her hand and her eyes widened slightly.

"Is something wrong, Cynthia?"

"No, ma'am. I don't want to pry, but...is that a wedding ring?"

Jenny glanced at her hand and removed it from her finger, blushing slightly.

"It's complicated."

"Understood, ma'am."

She smiled as her assistant left her office and she placed the ring back on its chain. She'd been turning the idea over in her head, but she just wasn't sure if it was a step she was ready to take. As she thought back to what it had been like pretending to be married to Gibbs, she suddenly remembered something he had said to Jackson in Stillwater that didn't quite add up.

Picking up her phone, she called his desk, hoping that he hadn't gotten a case and when he answered, she smiled.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Can you come up to my office, Jethro? I have something to ask you."

"On my way."

When her door opened seconds later, she frowned.

"Did you run?"

"Didn't want to keep you waiting, Director. You wanted to see me?"

She nodded.

"In Stillwater, you told Jackson that we'd been together since '99. How is that right? You and I both know it isn't true. You can't lie to your own father, Jethro."

He shook his head.

"Didn't lie to him."

Jenny frowned, beyond confused.

"What are you talking about?"

He leaned over her desk, looking into her eyes deeply.

"Even after you left, even after I married again, you were still with me."

He winked at her, walking away before she could articulate a response, and as her door clicked shut behind him, she shook her head as she laughed.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked it. **


	24. Brave Enough

**A/N: To all my lovely reviewers, let me say how much I love you! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me be very clear about something, however: this is NOT going to be a baby-fic. I don't like reading them, I don't like writing them, it's not going to happen. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn't going to change my mind. I hope you'll stick around regardless. Okay, let's do this!**

* * *

Jenny sighed as she finished her fifth drink that night, and she pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts in a daze. She'd been dwelling over Gibbs' words for the past few days and she was beginning to worry. He'd mentioned marriage to her more than once in the last six months and she couldn't help but wonder if he was secretly hoping she would decide to wear the ring. She knew his penchant for marriage, and she wasn't sure she could handle being another one of his ex-wives.

Her finger hovered over Gibbs' name, and she quickly scrolled upwards, not sure she was ready to dive into that particular conversation with him. She pressed another name, holding her phone to her ear and she sighed as it rang.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. Are you busy?"

"Not at all, my dear. How can I help you?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Have you ever wanted to get married?"

He was silent for a long moment and she frowned, wondering if she should have kept her mouth shut.

"What brought this on, Jennifer?"

"Jethro gave me the ring we wore in Paris and told me that if I wanted to marry him, I could start wearing it. He keeps his on the bedside table."

"And you're wondering if you should wear it."

She nodded, forgetting in her intoxication that he couldn't see her.

"Yeah. I've been thinking about it. Marriage is such a big step. It changes everything."

"If I may, Jennifer, let me ask you this: do you love Jethro?"

"More than anything."

"And do you see yourself ever being with anyone else?"

"No. I don't ever want to lose him."

"Then I think you have your answer, my dear."

Jenny sighed. The alcohol she had consumed was making it difficult for her to think, and she frowned.

"Ducky, what if—what if we did get married and it didn't work out? He's been divorced three times."

He laughed.

"I'm well aware of Jethro's track record. Can I tell you what I see as an outside observer?"

"Sure."

"When I look at the two of you, I see two people who drive each other crazy, in the best way. Your relationship is tumultuous at times, but you make each other deliriously happy. You call each other out when you're wrong and you're fiercely supportive when you're right. You're miserable when you're apart, and I think everyone would agree. You challenge each other and bring out the best in both of you. Simply put, you're good for one another, and I think your love for each other is something that shouldn't be easily let go of."

Jenny's eyes filled with tears and she had to fight to keep her voice steady.

"You mean that?"

"Every word. Just remember, Jennifer: he loves you and you love him. I trust you'll make the right decision."

"Thanks, Ducky. I really appreciate it."

"Good luck, my dear."

She hung up after saying good night and stared at the phone in her hands, debating yet again on whether to make a call. She knew she probably wouldn't have done it if she'd been sober, but perhaps it was what she needed. Her finger pressed the button before she could change her mind, and she held her breath as it rang.

"Hello?"

"Heather?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

She took a deep breath, hoping to steady her shaking hands.

"It's Jenny."

"Oh, wow. Jenny. Um...how-how are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm good."

There was a long silence, and Jenny suddenly wished she hadn't called.

"Why did you call, Jenny? Is something going on?"

"No, I just—I was thinking about you the other day, and I wanted to know if you were okay."

"I'm fine."

Jenny heard a slight shuffling on the other end of the line, and she frowned.

"Jenny, I'm sorry, but I really can't talk right now."

"Wait. Just a minute. Would you be willing to meet up tomorrow? I really want to talk to you."

"I don't know, I mean, we haven't spoken in ten years. Why now?"

"Please? I'll explain everything if you just give me the chance."

Heather sighed, and Jenny unconsciously gripped the phone tighter.

"Okay, fine. I'm free around 11:30 tomorrow morning."

"Sounds good. Thank you, Heather."

"Sure, Jenny. See you tomorrow."

As her phone fell from her hand and clattered to the floor, Jenny placed her head in her hands. She wanted to be held, wanted Gibbs more than anything, but she knew she had to deal with this on her own. Still, she tried to pretend, as she curled up on her couch, that she was wrapped in his arms instead of a blanket.

* * *

Gibbs stopped Jenny as she paced in her living room with gentle hands on her shoulders. He looked at her seriously, and she glanced around the room.

"It'll be fine, Jen. Don't worry. It's just your sister."

She nodded, trying to convince herself that he was right, and when she heard the knock at the door, she bit down on her lip.

"Jethro, what do I say to her?"

"Just tell her how you feel. I'll be upstairs if you need me."

He kissed her once, and pushed her gently to the door. Just as she heard her bedroom door shut, she pulled open the large oak door, smiling nervously at the younger woman standing on the other side.

"Hey."

"Hi."

She stepped back to let her in, and they walked into the living room, the younger Shepard glancing around curiously.

"You didn't change much. Decoration-wise, I mean."

Jenny nodded.

"Every time I tried, I could hear Dad. "Jennifer, that rug doesn't work in this room"...I couldn't do it."

Heather smiled, nodding slowly.

"Yeah. Sounds like something he'd say."

They sat down on the couch and lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. After a few agonising minutes, Heather sighed, looking at her sister in confusion.

"Jenny, what's this about? I haven't heard from you in ten years and all of the sudden, you call me and want to...what? Reminisce about old times?"

Jenny shook her head.

"Not exactly. Look, I know after Dad died, we went our separate ways, but—"

"No, _you_ ran back to college and shut everyone out. You wouldn't talk to anyone, and eventually we just gave up. Me, all of our friends...you didn't even want to give us a chance. It hurt, Jenny. I was grieving, I'd just lost my father, and then when you left...I lost my sister, too. I needed you, and you couldn't look past your own pain to see that other people were hurting just as much."

Jenny had been silent during Heather's outburst, and when she had finished, the elder Shepard nodded. She knew her sister was right, but she didn't particularly like being called out on it.

"You're right, Heather. You had—have—every right to be angry with me, but...I really am sorry."

Heather nodded, looking at her seriously, and when she spoke next, her voice was softer.

"Jenny...is this about what happened to you last year?"

Jenny frowned.

"How do you know about that?"

"I do watch the news," Heather said pointedly, "It was on nearly every channel."

Running her hand through her hair, Jenny shook her head, sighing.

"Not exactly. In a way, but not really. Someone very close to me recently reconnected with their family and it made me realise how much I missed you. Hell, you're my sister, Heather. I was young and stupid back then, and while that's not an excuse, I guess I didn't stop to think about how much pain you were in. I should have, and I can never say that I'm sorry enough."

Heather looked at her for a moment, and when she reached out to hug her, Jenny felt tears begin to well up in her eyes.

"I've missed you too, Jenny."

Holding her sister tightly, Jenny kissed the side of her head and when she pulled back, she saw tears shining in Heather's own eyes.

"I, um...I heard you got married," Jenny said, offering her a smile.

"Yeah. I did. His name is David. We have a little girl. She's six."

Jenny gasped, looking at her happily.

"You have—I have a niece?"

Heather nodded.

"Her name is Victoria, but we call her Tori."

"Do you have any pictures?"

Giving her a sarcastic look, Heather pulled out her wallet, and handed the photos over. Jenny gazed at them in awe, feeling slightly sad that she'd missed out on so much of her sister's life, and she handed them back with a sad smile.

"Can I meet her?"

Nodding, Heather gave Jenny the smile she had missed for ten years, and hugged her again.

"Of course you can. You have to be the cool aunt who buys all the good presents."

Laughing, Jenny glanced around the room, feeling as though she were being watched. Knowing that Gibbs was lurking somewhere made her feel relieved and she smiled.

"So, Jenny...about what happened to you...was it true? I mean, I don't think you'd lie about something like that, but—"

"It's true."

"Were you scared?"

"Terrified."

"What about...the other part? Are you really sleeping with one of your employees?"

Jenny smirked.

"To be fair, he was my boss first."

"Wait, _what_?"

Jenny laughed.

"Do you want a drink? I'll tell you all about it."

Heather shook her head.

"No, thanks."

As Jenny began to dive into the complex history of her relationship with Gibbs, she felt rather than heard him retreat to her bedroom and she fought the urge to laugh. No doubt he had no interest in hearing her rehash the last seven years of their life. Heather listened with rapt attention, her eyes widening as she realised her older sister had lived a life that she could have only imagined. When Jenny finally stopped speaking, Heather laughed, looking at her seriously.

"I think I'll take that drink now."

Jenny smiled, standing up to get the decanter of bourbon. Heather eyed it suspiciously, and when Jenny poured them both a glass, she sniffed it with distaste.

"You don't actually _drink_ this shit, do you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"_Willingly_?"

Jenny pointedly took a drink and Heather shook her head.

"Ugh. I just can't. Thanks, anyway."

"It's an acquired taste. Jethro kind of started my liking of it."

"Jethro, huh? Interesting name."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," Jenny laughed, "His first name is Leroy."

"No way," Heather said, trying to control her laughter "_Leroy Jethro_? His parents must have hated him."

Jenny shrugged.

"To be fair, we have the most generic, boring names ever: Jennifer and Heather."

"Good point."

"So, what does David do? How did you meet?"

"David's a lawyer."

Jenny burst out laughing and Heather frowned.

"What?"

She waved her hand, trying to control her breathing.

"Jethro hates lawyers. Not too fond of them, myself. Anyway, go on."

"We met at a restaurant. I was waiting for coffee and he sat down next to me."

Jenny listened to her sister talk about her husband, watching as her eyes lit up, and she wondered if she looked that way when she spoke about Gibbs. She smiled as Heather spoke of their daughter and she couldn't wait to meet her.

"When can I meet them?"

Heather frowned.

"Um...well, I'm free on Friday. Tori's school is letting out early, so I took vacation to spend the time with her. David's schedule is pretty flexible right now, so if you want, we can all get together. What about Jethro?"

"I'll see if I can get him there."

"Cool. I'll call you on Friday morning and we'll set up a time."

Standing slowly, Jenny frowned as a wave of dizziness crashed over her, and she hugged Heather again, hoping she didn't realise that she was using her to balance. They walked to the door together and Jenny waved as she watched her sister climb into her car. She closed the door, jumping when she felt arms wrap around her from behind, and she glared at Gibbs, tilting her head back.

"Don't be a creep, Jethro."

"She seems nice."

"Uh-huh. Didn't Jackson ever teach you not to eavesdrop?"

"Nope."

Jenny smiled, turning in his arms.

"Well, since you were listening, how would you feel about meeting my sister and her family?"

"I dunno, Jen. Husband's a lawyer."

She delivered a swift slap to the back of his head and he smirked.

"Kidding. I'll be there."

Kissing him slowly, Jenny smiled as she backed him up the stairs.

"Guess what, Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"It's been over two weeks since I stopped taking the antibiotics. Do you know what that means?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, means you can stop bitching about taking them."

Jenny frowned, rolling her eyes.

"No. It means that my birth control is working again."

Gibbs smirked as he kissed her again, running his hand through her hair.

"Glad to hear it."

"Guess we can toss the condoms, right?"

"Go for it, gunny."

He threw her over his shoulder, smirking as she shrieked and as he dropped her safely on the bed, he fully intended to show her just how much she meant to him.

* * *

Come Friday morning, Jenny was a nervous wreck. She'd never been the best at dealing with children: she didn't know how to talk to them, and she was more than glad to have Gibbs there to help her. She'd worried that being around a little girl so close in age to Kelly at the time of her demise would be too difficult for him, but he had assured her that he would be fine. As she waited for Heather and her family, Jenny took a drink of bourbon to steady her hands and when Gibbs gently took it from her grasp, she frowned.

"It's going to be okay. You've done far more difficult things before."

"Jethro, I know nothing about children. What if she hates me?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"She won't. She's going to love you, just like I do."

Jenny whirled around at the knock on the door and Gibbs placed his hand at the small of her back.

"Go on," he whispered, "You've got this."

She nodded, pulling open the door. Heather immediately hugged her and Jenny smiled, feeling all of her unease slip away.

"Jenny! So good to see you again."

"You too."

Jenny looked over her shoulder and held out her hand.

"You must be David. I'm Jenny."

"Nice to finally meet you."

She nodded, and out of the corner of her eye, she caught a slight movement and she glanced behind Heather. The little girl was staring at her warily, as if she wasn't sure what to make of her, and Jenny couldn't blame her in the slightest.

"Tori, this is your Aunt Jenny. Can you say hello?"

"Hi, Tori. I'm very excited to meet you."

"Hi," came Tori's small voice from behind her mother.

Tori resembled her father a great deal, but her hair had undeniably come from Heather. Jenny led them inside, and when they entered the living room, Gibbs stood up, extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Heather."

"You must be the famous Jethro."

He smirked.

"Not so sure about that."

He knelt down, looking at Tori, and when he smiled, she waved at him shyly.

"Hi. I'm Jethro. What's your name?"

"Tori."

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Tori."

Jenny smiled as she watched him, admiring his ease with the little girl, and Heather leaned over to her.

"He's great with her."

Jenny nodded.

"Jethro is amazing with children. I've always admired that about him."

"Are you Aunt Jenny's husband?"

He laughed, shaking his head.

"Not exactly."

"You have a funny name."

"Yeah, I guess I do. But it could always be worse."

Tori frowned, looking so serious that he nearly laughed again.

"How?"

"I could be named Bert."

"Like Bert and Ernie?"

He nodded.

"Just like that."

Jenny smiled, and as they struck up an easy conversation, Gibbs found his hand absentmindedly reaching for his redhead's and Heather looked at their entwined hands curiously. She hadn't realised there was such an age difference between the pair, not that she cared, but it was still surprising. As Tori sat in between them, she kept talking to Gibbs, wanting to be included in the conversation, and Gibbs smiled as he lifted her from the couch.

"Want to hear something cool, Tori?"

"What?"

"I have a boat in my basement."

"Like a pirate ship?"

"Sort of. Maybe someday I'll show it to you."

He picked her up and took her to the study, hoping to find something to entertain her, and when he was out of sight, Heather turned to her sister curiously.

"He has a boat in his basement?"

"Yep. Real deal."

"How's he going to get it out?"

Jenny shook her head, laughing.

"I've been asking that for the past seven years."

"He really is good with kids."

"Yeah. I was a bit worried about him meeting her, though."

David frowned.

"Why?"

"Tori's almost the same age his daughter was when she passed away."

Heather brought her hand to her mouth and David's eyes widened in shock.

"He had a daughter?"

"Yeah. She and Jethro's first wife were killed in a car accident in '91. She was eight."

"How awful."

Realising what Jenny had just said, David frowned.

"His first wife?"

Heather nodded.

"He's been married four times, apparently."

David whistled.

"He must know a pretty good lawyer. Anyone I know?"

Jenny shrugged.

"I'm not sure. You'd have to ask him."

Gibbs returned, looking quite pleased with himself, and Jenny frowned as he sat next to her.

"Found a book that Tori should like. She'll be busy for awhile."

Jenny laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her.

"So, Jethro, Jenny tells me you're not fond of lawyers?"

As both Shepard women laughed, Gibbs tilted his head and nodded. They began a lively discussion and when Jenny escorted them to the door nearly an hour later, she couldn't keep the smile from her face. Tori tugged on the hem of Jenny's sweater and she glanced down at her, kneeling so she was at her eye-level.

"Aunt Jenny?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come visit again?"

"Sure, you can. As long as your Mommy and Daddy say it's okay."

Tori hugged her, and as Jenny wrapped her arms around her, she felt her heart fill with love for the tiny girl.

"Bye, Aunt Jenny! Bye, Jethro!"

Jenny and Gibbs waved, shutting the door slowly, and when she leaned against it, she smiled at him gratefully.

"Thank you, Jethro. You have no idea how much it means to me that you were here."

He placed his hands on either side of her head, and she arched an eyebrow at him.

"You owe me, Shepard."

"Oh, shut up. You loved it."

She ducked under his arm and he caught her arm as she ran, pulling her back against him.

"Fine, I owe you. But you'll have to wait. Right now, I'm starving."

As she made her way into the kitchen, his eyes followed her every move.

* * *

Jenny smiled as she slid the ring from the chain, and as it sparkled in the dim light, she replayed Ducky's words in her mind. His observations of her relationship with Gibbs were remarkably astute, though she expected nothing less from the doctor, and he had given her a new sense of clarity. The same doubts still lingered in the back of her mind, but for the first time, she was beginning to feel like maybe she could overcome them.

She placed the ring on her finger, growing accustomed to the feeling of its weight on her hand, and she smiled as she stared at it. Running her hand through her hair, wondered how long it would take Gibbs to notice this time. Only this time, she wasn't making a joke. This time, she meant it.

* * *

Signing her name to the bottom of the report she was reviewing, Jenny couldn't help but steal a glance at her left hand as she took off her glasses. It had already been a full day and Gibbs still hadn't noticed the ring on her finger. Some investigator. He had even been to her office once already and hadn't seen the silver band. Perhaps she should rethink his position as team leader.

She grabbed her purse, preparing to leave for the night, and as she passed Cynthia's already-empty desk, she smiled. Telling her assistant would simply have to wait for another day. Gibbs had long gone from the office, and she frowned as she glanced at her watch. Seeing that it was nearing 23:00, she knew he would kill her for working so late. Though Ducky had given her a clean bill of health weeks ago, Gibbs was still fiercely adamant about her working so late.

Her driver gave her a weary smile as she walked to her car and when she returned it, she apologised.

"I honestly didn't realise it was so late."

"It's okay, ma'am."

He dropped her off at Gibbs' house, and when she opened the front door, she smiled as she set her purse down on the floor. She made her way carefully down the steps, though she knew he would still be awake, and he turned as she touched the last step.

"Little late, isn't it, Director?"

She smiled apologetically.

"I lost track of time."

He snorted loudly, making it obvious that he didn't believe her, and she sighed. He looked at her, noting how tired she looked and he smiled.

"Drink?"

Jenny nodded, and he poured her a generous measure of bourbon. He handed it to her and she accepted it gratefully, tossing it back. He turned his attention to his boat, and she sat on the work stool, crossing her legs gracefully. As she took another drink, he noticed that the chain around her neck was missing and he frowned.

"Where's your necklace?"

She frowned as she sipped her bourbon, feigning innocence.

"What necklace?"

"You know damn well what necklace."

She raised an eyebrow at him suggestively and he placed the sander in his hand on the ground slowly. He made his way over to her, looking into her eyes seriously. She didn't speak, but she picked up her glass purposefully with her left hand, and his eyes followed her movements closely. As she swallowed the last of her alcohol, he moved impossibly closer to her.

"You remember what I told you?" he asked, his voice low and filled with an unspoken warning.

She nodded, meeting his eyes steadily.

"'The next time you put that ring on, you'd damn well better mean it,'" she quoted softly.

He looked at her, his eyes flickering to the ring glittering on her finger.

"Jen?"

She nodded again, and he smiled as he leaned down to kiss her, pulling her up from the chair.

"You don't want to take it back?"

She shook her head, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair slowly.

"No," she said quietly, "I'm not running anymore."

"You know what this means?"

Raising her eyebrow, Jenny reached for the bottle of bourbon.

"We have to call my Dad. And Heather, and God knows if we don't tell Abby, she'll kill us both. She's probably going to be more excited than anyone."

He frowned again, looking at her.

"This isn't because of Harrison getting out, is it?"

She swallowed her drink, shaking her head and looking at him seriously.

"No. He can rot as far as I'm concerned. This has nothing to do with him. This is about us. You and me. The way it always has been."

He wrapped his arms around her, and he kissed her, tangling his hands in her long red hair.

"I love you, Jen."

"I love you, Jethro. More than you know."

* * *

Abby spun on her heel as Gibbs walked into her lab, grabbing the drink he held with a smile.

"Gibbs! A CAF-POW first thing in the morning? Is it my birthday?"

He smirked and Jenny walked in behind him, coffee held tightly in her hand.

"Good morning, Abby."

"Director! Is something wrong? You don't come down here very often unless you're trying to take over cases, and—"

"No, nothing's wrong. And really, Abby? Taking over cases?"

Abby smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, Director."

"We just came down to give you some news we thought you'd want to know."

Abby frowned.

"Do I have to start wearing a monkey suit again?"

Jenny laughed, taking a drink of her coffee.

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"See if you can find your clue."

Abby frowned, looking around the room.

"Can I have a hint?"

"It's something one of us is wearing."

She glanced down at herself, frowning when she saw nothing out of the ordinary, and her eyes moved instead to the silver-haired agent. His jacket, shoes and shirt were normal, classy as usual and she sighed. Finally, her eyes landed on Jenny and she shook her head.

"I have no idea."

"Keep looking."

Her eyes trailed up and down Jenny, searching for anything different, and she sighed. Just as she turned away, she noticed the redhead's left hand and she brought her hands to her mouth.

"Is that—? Did you—? Are you—?"

Jenny nodded, and Abby threw herself at the other woman, wrapping her in a hug that was almost painful. She launched herself at Gibbs, and he patted the top of her head gently.

"Have you guys set a date?"

"Not yet," Jenny answered.

"Am I invited?"

"Of course, Abs. We would never forget you."

She clapped her hands excitedly, and she hugged them each again, bouncing up and down as they left. She couldn't _wait_ to tell McGee.

* * *

McGee frowned as he stepped off the elevator, responding to Abby's urgent email. She'd said it was important, and he hoped nothing was wrong with any of her lab equipment.

"Abby, what's the problem? I literally just got here and—"

"Gibbs and the Director are getting married!" the Goth blurted out, unable to contain herself.

"What?"

"It's true. I saw her ring. They told me themselves."

"Woah..._married_?"

Abby laughed.

"It's not like Gibbs hasn't been married before."

"No, I mean her. Never would have thought Director Shepard was the type to get married."

"They're perfect for each other, Timmy! Now they really will be Mommy and Daddy."

"You know that was just a rumour, right Abby? The Director's not really pregnant," McGee reminded her.

She nodded.

"I know. I meant _our_ Mommy and Daddy."

Abby bounced on her heels, wrapping her arms around McGee. Her day was turning out even better than she could have ever hoped it would. She couldn't wait to tell Tony and Ziva next.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. They aren't going to immediately get married. I highly doubt Jenny and Gibbs would ever jump into marriage that quickly. I honestly don't know if it will even happen by the end of this story. I haven't decided yet.**


	25. Heathcliff and Cathy

**A/N: Here you go, my lovelies! Before we get into it, let me say this: I thought I had made it very clear that this would NOT be a baby-fic. It's absolutely, positively NOT going to happen, so please...I would appreciate it if the subject could be dropped. Esquinzo, I loved your idea about Tori, and if I do decide to write the wedding, it absolutely will happen. I'd already been toying around with the idea anyway, so it was like you read my mind. Anyway, here we go. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Gibbs smiled to himself as he sanded his boat, thinking about how his life had changed so quickly. He still couldn't believe it. After running for so long from even the idea of marriage, Jenny had finally agreed to marry him, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy. He knew that his track record had worried her, but he'd always been searching for something else in his previous marriages. After Shannon, he had tried to find her in Diane and after Jenny, he had looked for her in Stephanie and Rebecca. Now, he was finally marrying the only person he had ever truly wanted to be with since Shannon.

He picked up his phone, carefully dialing as best he could without really paying attention, and he smirked. This was going to be fun.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Dad."

"Leroy! Great to hear from you. How are you? How's Jenny?"

He smiled.

"We're good. Wanted to tell you something."

"She's pregnant."

Laughing, Gibbs took a drink of his coffee, setting the cup down carefully next to the boat.

"No. Definitely not. She finally decided to wear the ring."

"So that means—"

"Yep. Haven't set a date yet, but we wanted you to know."

"That's great, Leroy. You two seem like a good match. Jenny's a beautiful, smart woman. Maybe she can straighten you out."

He laughed again.

"Doubt it. Hasn't managed it in seven years."

"Tell her I said congratulations. I hate to cut this short, but I've got inventory to do."

"Will do, Dad. Take care."

He hung up, picking up the sander again, and when he heard the unmistakable sound of heels clicking on the stairs, he smiled. Jenny had apparently already gotten coffee, and as she sipped it, he nodded his head at her.

"Morning."

"Isn't your team on-call this weekend?"

He nodded.

"Yep."

"Shouldn't you be at the office then?"

"Nope. Unless we get a call, I'm staying right here."

She raised her eyebrow, smirking slightly.

"Uh-huh. What does your boss think about that?"

"I dunno. Let me ask her."

He paused, walking closer to her and when he kissed her, he could tell she was smiling.

"What do you think about that, Director?"

"I think a certain Special Agent is damn lucky that he looks good in a pair of jeans."

He smiled, kissing her again and she laughed.

"I called my Dad."

"How did he take it?"

"Well, he loves you, so he's pretty happy about it. When are you going to tell Heather?"

"Tomorrow. She's bringing Tori by. Will you be there?"

He nodded, brushing her hair behind her ear. She looked a little paler than usual, but he supposed it could have been a trick of the light. She smiled at him, kissing him on the cheek before she made her way back to the stairs.

"I'll be upstairs reading if you need me."

He nodded.

"Enjoy your book."

"Enjoy your boat."

He was still laughing when she closed the basement door behind her.

* * *

As the scream tore from her throat, Jenny's eyes flew open, and she sat up, breathing heavily. She hadn't had a nightmare in awhile, and this one had shaken her more than she cared to admit. She ran a shaking hand through slightly damp hair and she reached for her phone.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro..."

She tried, but her vocal chords refused to cooperate. He was silent for a moment, waiting, and when he realised she was crying, he was instantly worried.

"Jen, what is it?"

"I...I t-tried, it just...it felt so real, and..."

"What happened?"

She shook her head, unable to speak, and as he listened to her cry, he grabbed his keys.

"I'm on my way, Jen."

The click in her ear was almost unbearably loud, and her phone fell from her hands. She reached for it, not quite able to grab it, and when she tumbled from the bed, she didn't have the strength to move. Her head fell onto her knees and she tried in vain to regulate her breathing. Time seemed to slow or lurch, she felt as though everything was moving both too fast and agonisingly slow, and she hoped that Gibbs would hurry.

* * *

When he saw Jenny crumpled on the floor, Gibbs knelt down in front of her, reaching out to touch her shoulder gently. She jumped at his touch, and raised tear-filled eyes to his.

"It's okay. Can you talk to me?"

She moved closer, burying her head in his chest and he held her gently, running his hand over her hair.

"It felt so real," she whispered.

Suddenly, he understood and nodded.

"It was just a dream. You're safe. Harrison can't hurt you. I doubt if he's even in the area. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

He shifted, moving so that he could stand, and when he lifted her with him, she frowned. He led her to the bed, and when he pulled her into his arms, she curled deeper into the blankets.

"Go back to sleep, Jen."

"Please don't leave."

He kissed her temple, holding her as close as he could.

"Not a chance."

* * *

Hours later, her emerald eyes opened, and they landed on the former marine still holding her in his arms. He was still awake, his hand moving over her skin lightly, and she smiled softly. He noticed the change in her breathing, and glanced down, cobalt eyes locking on hers.

"Hey."

"Hi. You okay?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I shouldn't have let a dream bother me so much."

He shook his head.

"It's okay. But Jen, you haven't had a nightmare that bad in a long time. What's going on?"

Jenny frowned, trying to think of a possible explanation.

"I don't know. A lot of things are changing, and I guess with Harrison getting released, it was just too much."

He took her hand in his, running his fingers over the ring she wore.

"If this is too much for you right now, we don't have to do this."

She shook her head quickly.

"No. Jethro, I want to marry you. I can't imagine my life without you. You're the one thing in my life that I can't live without."

He smiled, kissing her hand, and she nestled against his chest.

"What time is Heather coming over?"

Checking her watch, Jenny frowned.

"In about half an hour."

"We'd better get up, then."

She smiled, running her fingers lightly over his skin.

"Or, we could blow it off and stay in bed."

"Cute, Jen. Get up."

Sighing, she nodded and sat up. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and as she ran a brush through her hair, she tried to ignore the dizziness she felt. It was slightly concerning, but she had already decided that she was going to chalk it up to working late hours. Her hands shook as she touched up her makeup and when she glanced at Gibbs, she was relieved to find that he hadn't noticed. He would only worry, and she didn't need an overprotective Gibbs hovering over her shoulder.

* * *

Tori wrapped her arms around Jenny as soon as she was close, and she smiled.

"She seems to have warmed up to me."

Heather laughed.

"She hasn't stopped talking about you guys. It was so cute, until it got annoying."

Gibbs smiled at Tori, hugging her when she had finally let go of Jenny and she looked at him excitedly.

"Hi, Jethro! Hi, Aunt Jenny!"

"Hi, Tori."

They walked through the door to Jenny's living room and Heather smiled at her sister curiously.

"So, what's so important? Jenny, are you pregnant?"

Jenny shook her head.

"Why does everyone always jump to that?"

Gibbs smirked.

"It's usually the most likely option, Jen."

Heather glanced at Jenny when he used the nickname, knowing how much she had hated it as a child. When she didn't correct him, she leaned closer, her voice low.

"Thought you hated being called Jen."

She shrugged.

"It kind of grew on me. You say it, and I'll strangle you."

Heather laughed.

"I think it's sweet."

Jenny rolled her eyes, amused, and sat down on the couch. Tori entertained herself by staring at the fireplace, entranced by Abby's picture frame, and Heather turned again to Jenny.

"So, if you aren't pregnant, what is it?"

Jenny held out her left hand, and Heather grabbed it, holding it close to her eyes.

"Jenny! You're married now?"

"No. The rings were part of an undercover assignment we did seven years ago. Jethro told me that if I ever decided that I wanted to marry him for real, I could wear the ring."

"When?"

"Haven't decided. Not for awhile, probably."

She nodded, looking at Gibbs seriously.

"You hurt her, I'll kill you with a shovel. And since David's a lawyer, he can fix the trial."

Gibbs nodded, smiling at his future sister-in-law.

"Understood."

Jenny stood, making her way into the kitchen, and again tried to ignore the lightheaded feeling as she moved.

"Drink, Heather?"

"Water's fine."

Nodding, Jenny reached for a glass and filled it with water.

"So, Jethro, you were a marine?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Yep. Joined really early on. Seemed like the right—"

A loud shattering cut his words short, and he turned toward the sound. The glass had slipped from Jenny's hand, and she was leaning back against the counter, her hand at her head.

"Jen?"

She shook her head.

"I'm fine."

He stood and approached her, careful not to step on the broken glass, and looked at her seriously. Her skin was paler than fresh snow, icy cold to the touch, and her body was shaking violently. Heather remained where she was, but her eyes never left her sister.

"Are you okay, Jenny?"

Jenny took a step, stumbling instantly, and Gibbs wrapped his arms around her. He knew that he was the only thing keeping her upright, and he forced her to look at him.

"Jen."

"I...I think I need to sit down."

He nodded.

"Damn straight."

He led her to the couch, and Tori looked at them curiously as they passed.

"Are you sick, Aunt Jenny?"

Jenny gave her a weak smile and shook her head.

"No, sweetie. I'm fine. Why don't you go see if you can find the book Jethro let you start reading the last time you were here?"

Tori's eyes lit up and she nodded, pulling Gibbs to the study eagerly.

"Come on, Jethro! Let's go!"

As soon as her daughter was out of earshot, Heather glared at her sister.

"Alright, Jenny. Cut the bullshit. What's going on?"

Jenny sighed.

"About a month ago, I started to notice that I wasn't feeling quite right. I was shaky, dizzy, always tired, emotionally I was a wreck. So I had a few blood tests done and found out that I was dealing with Lyme disease. I took antibiotics and it was cured, but I still have to deal with symptoms occasionally."

"Damn, Jenny. Anything else happen recently that I should know?"

Jenny smiled as Gibbs walked back into the room.

"We'll have to do lunch sometime. I'll fill you in."

Gibbs sat next to Jenny, searching her eyes.

"You okay?"

She nodded, touching his knee lightly.

"I'm fine. Really."

Against his better judgment, he nodded and Heather looked between the two of them. She could tell that he was concerned and it was clear by the way Jenny rested her head on his shoulder that she trusted him completely. Jenny closed her eyes, hoping the blinding headache she had would go away soon, and Heather looked at her worriedly.

"Jenny, if you need to lie down, we can always do this another time. I don't want to make things worse."

Jenny shook her head and Gibbs frowned.

"Stop being so stubborn."

She opened her eyes, glaring at him.

"I'm fine, Jethro."

"Don't make me call Ducky."

Sighing, Jenny nodded.

"I'm sorry, Heather. Maybe we should do this later."

Heather nodded, standing to go retrieve Tori from the study. As they passed, Tori hugged Jenny again and Gibbs helped her up from the couch. They walked them to the door, and as Heather gave her a hug, Gibbs kept his hand at her back to support her. She leaned against him as they walked back into the living room, and he held her when they sat down on the couch.

"How long?"

Jenny sighed, tipping over into his lap.

"A few days. I thought it was just because I've started working late again."

"Jen, you're going to have to slow down. I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true."

She nodded, and he ran his fingers through her hair. The pressure of his hands on her head made her moan, and he stopped, looking down at her.

"Jen?"

"No, don't stop. It hurts, but it helps at the same time."

Gibbs nodded, lightly massaging her head again, and she closed her eyes against the sunlight streaming through the house.

"Do you want an aspirin?"

"No," she said softly, "Thank you, though."

He leaned down to kiss her hair gently and she smiled.

"I love you."

"I certainly hope so, because now you're stuck with me."

* * *

Jenny's eyes widened when she opened her front door and saw a trail of candles leading up her stairs. Frowning, she slipped off her heels, following the flickering flames, and she stepped into her bedroom, smiling softly. A bottle of her favourite wine sat on her bedside table and her well-worn copy of Wuthering Heights rested in the middle of her bed.

Gibbs wrapped his arms around her from behind and she turned, smiling at him.

"Did you do this?"

He shrugged, and she kissed him softly.

"What's this for?"

He stared at her and she frowned.

"What?"

"It's your birthday, Jen. Did you really think I wouldn't celebrate?"

She laughed.

"It's just a regular day to me, Jethro. It's nothing special."

He shook his head, kissing her throat lightly.

"The day you were born is very special. _You_ are very special."

She stepped forward, sitting on the bed and beckoned him over. He sat next to her, and handed her the book he had placed there.

"What's all this about?"

"I want you to relax. Read your favourite book, drink some wine, and just be comfortable."

She nodded, and he kissed her again.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me."

Picking up the book, Jenny settled back against the pillows and by the time he had closed the door, she was already so engrossed in the story that he doubted she even noticed his absence.

* * *

When he ventured back up to Jenny's bedroom, she was still reading, and the bottle of wine was nearly empty. He sat down across from her and as the bed shifted, she raised her eyes to his.

"How's the book?"

She smiled.

"Fine."

"Never could get into that one. Heathcliff and Cathy are both terrible people. Why would anyone want them to get what they want?"

Jenny looked at him, unaware that he had ever even touched the book.

"That's the point, I think. They're both horrible, for one reason or another...Cathy for societal hierarchy and Heathcliff for the way he was treated as a child, and the only redeeming quality either of them possess is their love for each other. Even though they don't end up together in life, you could argue that they might end up together in the afterlife. It's tragic, but still beautiful."

He considered her words for a moment, then nodded.

"You might have something there, Jen."

She set the book aside, looking at him seriously.

"Jethro, I think I've spent enough time with Heathcliff and Cathy for one night."

He arched an eyebrow at her and she drained the wine from her glass.

"What else did you have in mind tonight?"

She kissed him, her hand running through his hair and when her tongue found his, he could taste the sweetness of the wine.

"If I have to be any more specific than that, we have a major problem."

* * *

Reaching for her coffee, Jenny smiled at the silver ring on her finger, and signed her name again to the bottom of the budget review. She was feeling pretty proud of herself for securing more money for ammunition and Abby's lab, and she hoped that it would be put to good use. Her phone rang and she sighed as she picked it up, wondering who could be calling her.

"Shepard."

"Hey, can you come down from your throne, Your Majesty?"

Rolling her eyes, Jenny laughed.

"Seriously, Jethro?"

"Yeah, got something you'll want to see."

She hung up, and made her way down the steps, frowning at the members of the MCRT.

"Can I help you, Agent Gibbs?"

"Yeah. You can come with us, Director. We're going out for drinks to celebrate," Abby said.

Jenny looked at Gibbs and he shrugged. He'd blown them off the last time, and he couldn't really do it this time in good conscience.

"Celebrate what?"

"Your engagement," Abby said, as if it were obvious.

"You agreed to this?" Jenny asked Gibbs.

She knew he had. He very rarely refused the Goth anything and he smirked.

"Could be fun."

When she nodded finally, Abby clapped her hands. As Jenny allowed herself to be led to the elevator, she slapped the back of Gibbs' head. The entire team stared at her as though she'd grown another head and McGee opened his mouth in shock.

"Did she just—?"

"Woah, never seen anyone head slap the boss before."

As they stepped into the lift, Gibbs slapped her back and she smirked at him. Tony laughed nervously and Ziva glanced at him.

"Guess she wasn't kidding. Everyone but Abby has been Gibbs-slapped before."

"Keep it up, DiNozzo, and you'll have a bald spot."

"Sorry, boss."

* * *

Gibbs wrapped his arm around Jenny as she finished her drink and his eyes watched her carefully. The night had just gotten started, but Ziva was already on her fourth shot of tequila, not that it was noticeable, and when Jenny stood to walk to the bar, the Israeli requested another. Jenny nodded, and Gibbs frowned. Ziva held her alcohol remarkably well, but he didn't want her to overdo it accidentally.

"So, boss...are you going to keep both of your houses, or move in together?"

Gibbs frowned.

"Dunno. Haven't talked about it. Probably keep them."

Tony looked at him curiously.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Her house has been in her family for years, but mine has a basement."

McGee nodded, sipping his drink thoughtfully.

"Good point."

"Gibbs, is the Director going to take your last name?"

"You'd have to ask her, Abs."

His trained eyes found Jenny as she was returning from the bar, and when she passed a table not far away from their own, he frowned. The figure sitting in the chair looked familiar and as he recognised who it was, his eyes darkened. Jenny handed Ziva her tequila, and passed him a tumbler of bourbon, oblivious to his hard expression.

She smiled at him, and when he didn't return it, she frowned.

"Jethro? What is it?"

He didn't answer and she sighed, taking a drink of the bourbon she'd given him.

"Never seen anyone drink from Gibbs' glass and live before."

Jenny smiled at Tony and took another drink pointedly.

"Yeah, but if he killed me, you would have to deal with Vance every day."

"You need to live forever, Director," Tony replied seriously.

Laughing, Jenny looked to the silver-haired agent, still wondering at his change in mood.

"We need to leave," he said quietly, his voice close to her ear.

"What's wrong?"

"Get to the parking lot safely and I'll explain."

Jenny nodded, and as soon as Abby had finished her drink, she looked at the team seriously.

"This was really nice of you all, but I really should be getting home."

"Aw, come on, Director! Just one more round!"

Leaning over to Ziva, the redhead explained that they needed to leave urgently, and she nodded. She didn't know what had changed, but she'd worked with both Gibbs and Jenny long enough to trust their judgment.

"I will make sure no one else leaves."

Jenny nodded her thanks and as Gibbs led her to the door, she met Ziva's eyes in an unspoken communication. Almost as soon as they had walked into the lot, a quiet voice spoke up behind them.

"Director Shepard. Agent Gibbs. It's been awhile."

Jenny's blood ran cold as she recognised the voice and she turned, hoping her face didn't betray her fear.

"Get out of here, Harrison."

Gibbs' voice was low and dangerous, and his eyes were colder than Jenny had ever seen them.

"I have every right to be here."

"Leave."

"I have every right to be here," Harrison repeated.

Gibbs glared at the younger man, and while most would have broken, Harrison didn't even flinch. He looked at Jenny, and when he spoke, his voice made her skin crawl.

"You've been busy since I went away. Managed to kill my little brother, didn't you, Agent Gibbs?"

"Nothing he didn't bring on himself."

"Such a shame, really. He always was an idiot. How've _you_ been, Director Shepard? I couldn't stop thinking about our brief yet unforgettable time together."

Harrison stepped closer to her, and Gibbs was between them in an instant.

"Stay away from her."

He smirked, looking at Jenny with an expression in his eyes that made her sick.

"Relax, Agent Gibbs. I won't hurt her. Just wanted the chance to remind her what it's like to be with a real man."

"Real men don't need to force themselves onto women, Harrison," Jenny snapped.

"You can say that, but we both know it's not true. You liked it. It was exhilarating."

He attempted to reach for her arm, and before Gibbs could stop himself, he had punched the younger man as hard as he could. Harrison stumbled backward, holding his broken nose and the door to the bar opened quickly.

"Boss, everything okay out here?"

"Everything's fine, DiNozzo."

"Want me to cuff him?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Get out of here. Now."

Harrison glared at them and as he walked to his car with a steady stream of profanity, Gibbs looked at Jenny, his expression serious.

"You okay?"

She nodded, her eyes following Harrison's car as he left. Gibbs tilted her head up, searching her eyes.

"We'll file a restraining order in the morning.:

"Jethro, a restraining order is nothing but a piece of paper."

He nodded, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. Tony walked back into the bar, and Gibbs led Jenny to his truck, noticing that she kept glancing around to see if Harrison was following them.

"It might be just a piece of paper Jen, but if he violates it, he goes straight back to prison."

She nodded absentmindedly, her eyes still locked on the mirrors, praying that they weren't being followed.

* * *

It wasn't until they had locked his front door securely behind them that she showed any sign of relaxing. She walked past him to the basement and when he followed her, he frowned. Her hands were shaking so badly that she couldn't pour the bourbon into the mason jar, and he looked at her seriously.

"Jenny..."

"Are you going to help me or not?"

He took the bottle from her hand, shaking his head.

"I don't know if you—"

"Pour the damn bourbon, Jethro," she snapped.

Sighing, he poured a small amount into her glass and she downed it in seconds. She took the bottle from him, tipping it back, and he frowned again.

"Jen, slow down."

She shook her head, taking another long drink, and her eyes narrowed at him angrily.

"You told me it was safe. "

"It is. He's not going to—"

"He already did, Jethro! We can't even go out with our friends because of him. He was there! He was right fucking there!"

She slammed the bottle down on the table, and he reached out, placing his hand on her shoulder. She jerked away, her heel slipping on the concrete floor, and he grabbed her arm before she could fall.

"Don't touch me."

"Jen, I was just—"

"Don't."

He still didn't let go of her, and when she tried to break free, he pulled her closer, tightening his grip as she fought him.

"Jethro, let go. Don't fucking touch me!"

Her hands hit his chest and he grabbed her wrists, trying his best to stop her. Her tears were falling freely now, and he kept his hold on her, knowing she would break soon.

"You told me it was fucking safe! You lied to me. You told me it was safe."

She stopped struggling, collapsing in his arms, and he held her close as she sobbed into his chest.

"Shh...it's okay. It's okay, Jen. You're safe here. I would never lie to you."

"Why won't he just leave us alone?"

"I don't know, but he's never going to hurt you again. I'll kill him first."

He kissed her hair gently, and as he cradled her in his arms, her tears finally began to slow.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I didn't mean to—"

"Shh. I know."

Jenny wiped away the tears on her face and as she stepped away from him, he offered her a smile. She made her way slowly to the steps and as she reached them, she turned.

"I'm going to go upstairs."

He nodded and she spoke again.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Come to bed. Please don't make me sleep alone."

Crossing the room, he guided her up the stairs and when they had reached the bedroom, he closed the door softly behind him. Jenny attempted to undo the buttons on her shirt, but her hands were trembling so badly that she couldn't manage it. Gibbs slowly undid them for her, handing her one of his old shirts and as she pulled it on, he smiled. He always thought she looked best this way.

They climbed into bed, and when he pulled her body close to him, he inhaled the scent of bourbon and perfume. She turned in his arms, tucking her head under his chin and when she spoke, her voice was slightly muffled.

"I love you, Jethro. And I really am sorry."

He kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, and it's okay."

Gibbs knew, without a doubt, that she would have nightmares that night, and he tightened his hold on her. He couldn't stop the dreams that haunted her, but he swore that he would do everything he could to make her feel safe when she woke screaming in the darkness. She moved closer to him, and as her fingers curled around his shirt, he smiled.

"I can't wait to marry you."

"I always knew you were insane."

He laughed quietly, and kissed her hair again.

"Get some sleep, Jen."

She nodded, and he ran his hand gently through her hair. As her even breathing filled the room, he frowned. He knew Harrison would undoubtedly return, and if he even thought about touching Jenny again, Gibbs swore he would kill him.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed. _Wuthering Heights_ is one of my favourite books, so I decided to make it one of Jenny's, too. Anyway, I go back to work on the 14th, so my updates will take a bit longer. I hope you understand.**


	26. Hell and Back

**A/N: I haven't forgotten this, but I have difficulty writing during the week because of my work schedule. I usually get the rough idea in my head and then I take my first day off to flesh it out. Hope you enjoy, and I am sorry for the wait.**

* * *

Hot tears spilled from Jenny's eyes as she was violently sick for the third time that morning. Gibbs was standing in the doorway, watching her sadly, more than a little concerned. All of the progress she'd made in the last six months had vanished almost as soon as she'd seen Harrison in the bar parking lot, and not even the restraining order they'd gotten could calm her. She rinsed her mouth, running her shaking hand through her hair, and looked up at him somewhat coldly. The look in her eyes made him frown; she had no reason to be angry with him that he knew of.

"Are you—"

"Don't," her voice was weak, but the anger was still there, "don't you dare ask me if I'm okay."

She had a point. Any idiot could see that she was a mess.

"Okay," he answered cautiously, "how bad are you?"

Silence met his question, and she pushed past him to make her way to her couch. She sank down onto the cool leather, and placed her head in her hands.

"Jen?"

She sighed, raising up slowly.

"Bad," she whispered, "Really fucking bad."

He nodded, carefully walking closer, and when he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, she flinched. He drew his hand back, and as he opened his mouth to speak, a low beep filled the room.

"Director, you're needed in MTAC."

Jenny stood, taking a deep breath, and Gibbs couldn't help but be impressed. There was no outward sign of the pain she was going through, and he admired her ability to put on a brave front. It concerned him, mainly because he knew she couldn't keep the facade forever, but still it was a skill he was proud of. The redhead walked out of the office, and as Gibbs passed Cynthia's desk, her soft voice stopped him.

"Agent Gibbs...I don't want to pry, but...is she okay?"

"She will be."

Gibbs gave her a sad smile and the younger woman returned it. She knew her boss had been through hell, and she was concerned for her health. After all, Jenny was the best boss she'd ever had.

* * *

It had been two days since the incident at the bar, and Tony couldn't help but feel as though they'd gone back in time. Gibbs was more irritable than usual, Director Shepard spent all of her time either in MTAC or locked in her office, and the relaxed atmosphere had all but disappeared. He knew they were both concerned (or in her case, scared), but he wished things could go back to the way they'd been the previous month. He sighed as he tried to focus on the game on his computer, knowing he should probably be doing something more productive.

"Gear up! Got case. Dead Lieutenant in Georgetown."

The team hurriedly made their way to the elevator, and Gibbs glanced up at the catwalk. His eyes met Jenny's as she walked back to her office and she didn't look away until the doors had closed. He knew, from that one look, that she wouldn't be there when his team returned to the office. She'd already made up her mind to go home early, and he hoped she would be able to get some rest while he was gone.

* * *

Jenny pulled her hair from the ponytail as soon as she stepped over the threshold of her front door, and she sighed. Her heels were placed by the front door and she walked up the stairs, her mind focused on the warmth of her bed. She didn't even bother changing her clothes as she collapsed on the mattress, and she unconsciously moved closer to Gibbs' side of the bed. The scent of sawdust still lingered on the pillow though it had been a few days since he'd slept in her house, and she smiled as she closed her eyes.

Knowing that her security detail was outside helped calm her slightly, and she found herself falling asleep quickly. She knew that she'd been slipping back into old habits of avoiding sleep and drinking too much, but the fear of Harrison being near was simply too strong. As she lingered between consciousness and sleep, Jenny wondered how long it would take Gibbs to finish his case. More than anything, she wanted his arms around her as she slept.

* * *

"We about done here?"

McGee nodded.

"Just getting the Lieutenant's laptop. Might have something on here that would explain why someone would want to kill him."

Gibbs nodded, jerking his head toward the van.

"When you finish, get in."

The younger man nodded, trying not to look too much into the harsh tone. He knew that Gibbs was concerned about Director Shepard, and he didn't blame him in the slightest.

"Does Gibbs seem more slippy to you?"

Tony frowned, trying to understand what the Israeli meant.

"I think she means snippy," McGee said helpfully.

Nodding, Tony glanced around for any sign of their boss.

"He's worried about Jenny. Harrison showing up at the bar probably scared her."

Ziva frowned at his use of the redhead's name, but said nothing. She knew he was right, and even she would admit that the situation was very concerning.

"You'd be scared too if the person who assaulted you was following you. You cannot possibly believe that it was a coincidence that he was there at the same time we were."

The Senior Field Agent shook his head.

"No such thing as a coincidence. He knew she would be there. He wanted to scare her."

McGee finished tagging the laptop and nodded in the direction of the van.

"We need to go. Don't want to piss off Gibbs."

"Sounds like a good idea, Elf Lord."

Jumping at the voice of their silver-haired team leader, McGee nodded and began walking to the vehicle. He didn't know how long Gibbs had been standing behind him, and he wasn't particularly sure he wanted to find out.

* * *

Jenny placed her hand into the water of her bathtub, checking the temperature, and smiled. She turned off the faucet, and made her way to the stairs, intent on finding a glass of wine. Perhaps even a book, but she was still undecided. She didn't want to risk getting a headache from reading too much, and she ran her hand through her hair. Glancing out the window as she passed, Jenny was relieved to see Fredericks car still parked out front, and she smiled. If Gibbs couldn't be there, the younger agent was the next best thing.

Pouring the wine into her glass, Jenny frowned as she tried to keep her hand from shaking. She was slightly annoyed at herself for the way she'd been reacting to even the slightest noise, but no matter how much she tried, she couldn't stop the slight trembling every time she moved. She took a small drink from her glass, letting the rich liquid sit on her tongue for a moment, and when she swallowed, she sighed.

A loud knock at the front door made her jump and she frowned. She wasn't expecting anyone, but she supposed it could have been Agent Fredericks needing to ask her a question or perhaps use her restroom. She opened the door slowly, blinking in the sudden light and when her eyes finally adjusted, she stepped back.

"Afternoon, Director Shepard. Or, should I call you Jenny? Can I call you Jenny? After all, we know each other pretty well now."

She tried to shut the door, but Harrison stopped it with his foot. Pushing it back roughly, he forced her to allow him in, and she tried to stay as calm as she could. Panicking wouldn't help her at all.

"Where's Fredericks?"

Harrison shrugged, pointing to the car.

"He's still there. Might have a bit of a headache when he wakes up, but he'll live."

Jenny took a step backward, trying frantically to remember where her phone was, and Harrison closed the door behind him.

"Now, Jenny...you and I have a lot to discuss."

She frowned.

"What could you possibly want from me? You've already destroyed everything."

The silver of the blade in his hand caught her eye, but she didn't move.

"Let's see...you had me thrown in jail, your fuck buddy killed my brother _and _busted my nose...did I forget anything?"

He reached for her arm and she swung her hand upward, making harsh contact with his upper lip. Blood dripped onto the floor, and she bolted for the living room, leaning against the fireplace. She accidentally hit the picture frame Abby had given her, and as it hit the floor, it shattered. It took Harrison little more than ten seconds to recover, and just as Jenny made it into the kitchen, she felt his hand grab her roughly by the hair. He pushed her into the cabinet, oblivious to the dishes that shattered on the floor, and she blinked hard. She swung her foot out, meaning to trip him, but managing instead to bruise his leg and she tried to push past him.

Her hand knocked against the glass of wine she'd left sitting on the counter, and it fell to the floor. The shattering barely registered in her mind and Harrison grabbed her arm, twisting it behind her body. The knife in his hand cut into her throat and she jerked away, trying in vain to break free as tears fell from her eyes. The pressure increased and as blood poured from her skin, Jenny could hear someone screaming. It took her a few seconds to realise that it was her own voice, and she screamed again. He pushed her away from him, and she winced as she landed on the broken glass.

She didn't even notice the pain of the glass in her cheek, too preoccupied with the searing pain of her throat and she held her hand to the cut, knowing even as she did so that it was more than likely pointless. Pulling herself along the kitchen floor, she tried to scream as Harrison's hand wrapped around her ankle, and when he trailed the blade of his knife across her skin, he smiled.

Jenny knew, if by some miracle she lived through this, that his grotesque bloody smile would be burned into her mind forever. The blade sliced into the skin of her thigh, cutting easily into the fabric of the slacks she wore, and she whimpered as blood poured from her throat. Her vision was beginning to fail her, and as her eyes closed, her last thought was that she was going to die.

* * *

When Agent Fredericks opened his eyes, he groaned, sitting up slowly. For a moment, he couldn't remember what had happened, and as it all came flooding back to him, he flung open the door of his car. He ran as fast as he could across the street to Director Shepard's house and as soon as he stepped inside, he knew something was wrong. It was quiet. Much too quiet, even for a woman who wasn't prone to making much noise. He noticed the blood on the floor just near his foot, and he carefully made his way to the kitchen, calling her name urgently.

He felt his stomach drop as he took in the scene before him, and he immediately pulled out his phone.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I—I need an ambulance now. My..my boss has been severely injured. I don't know if she's breathing. I'll check, but I need an ambulance."

"Sir, I need your location."

He quickly gave the address, and after he had been assured that the paramedics were being dispatched, he hung up. There was still one more call he needed to make, and it was this one that he dreaded more than anything.

* * *

As they drove back to the Navy Yard, Gibbs fought the urge to roll his eyes when his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket carefully, not wanting to crash as he drove, and sighed as he held it to his ear.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, this is Agent Fredericks. You need to get to the Director's house. Now."

"What happened?"

"I don't know exactly, but you need to be here. As soon as possible."

Gibbs nodded, hanging up the phone and he made an abrupt turn, much to the discomfort of his team. Tony groaned as his stomach lurched, and McGee grabbed the edge of his seat, closing his eyes. Ziva was the only one who didn't move, and she frowned as they sped off in the other direction.

"What is it?"

"Fredericks. Said we needed to get to the Director's house."

"Did he say what happened?"

Gibbs shook his head, pressing his foot down harder on the pedal. If Fredericks had called him, he knew it had to have been something very wrong. And he had a damn good idea of who had been behind it.

* * *

While Gibbs spoke to Fredericks outside of Jenny's house, the rest of his team made their way inside. Tony swore as he took in the damage and he knelt down next to the redhead's still body. He found a pulse, though erratic and weak, and nodded to McGee.

"McGee...pictures. Ziva, bag and tag."

"What are you gonna do?" McGee asked.

"Gonna go warn Gibbs. This isn't gonna be easy for him to see."

McGee nodded, shaking his head as he put the camera up to his eyes. He definitely didn't envy the Senior Field Agent right now. Tony intercepted his boss at the front door, his eyes serious.

"Boss...I don't know if you want to go in there."

"Let me through, DiNozzo."

"Gibbs, wait. It's...it's bad. Really bad. I've never seen anything like it."

"She breathing?"

Tony sighed, trying to prepare him as best he could.

"Boss.."

"DiNozzo! Is she breathing or not?"

The younger man nodded, and Gibbs moved around him. The first thing his eyes noticed was the broken picture frame, and he tried to pretend that the blood smeared on the glass didn't bother him. He walked into the kitchen and he had to immediately close his eyes to keep from vomiting. Blood covered nearly every surface, thick and dark, and when he finally found his bearings, he opened his eyes again. He'd never seen such destruction in such a small space, and as he knelt next to Jenny on the ground, he felt tears fill his eyes.

She was still, much too still for his liking, but he could detect the slight movement as her shallow breath filled her lungs. He glanced up at McGee, still standing silently in the room, and his eyes were more serious than the younger man had ever seen.

"You done with photos?"

McGee nodded.

"Ambulance is close, boss. I can hear the sirens."

Gibbs nodded, reaching out to touch Jenny gently. He thought she moved slightly at his touch, but he couldn't be sure. It could have just been wishful thinking. He fought every instinct he had to pull her into his arms, and settled instead for brushing her hair out of her face. Loud footsteps signaled the paramedics and as they stopped behind him, Gibbs frowned.

"Sir, could you step aside, please?"

He nodded, and moved just enough to let them near her. He refused to leave the room, afraid that if he did, he would never see her alive again. She _was_ alive, that much he knew, and he was clinging to that in very much the same way that a desperate man clings to religion. Jenny's body was lifted carefully onto the stretcher and when he was able to get a better look at the gash on her throat, Gibbs frowned.

"McGee, you get a good shot of this?"

The young agent frowned, shaking his head.

"I didn't want to move her, boss."

He snapped the picture quickly and Gibbs nodded at the paramedics. They moved as quickly as they could, and when Gibbs walked out of the house minutes later, Tony looked at him, concerned.

"Boss?"

"Gonna call Ducky. Get everything to Abby. We're gonna need her."

"You think Harrison did this."

Gibbs shook his head.

"No. I _know_ he did this. Get a sample from every bit of blood in that house. I need something."

Tony frowned.

"It's probably all hers."

Gibbs smiled sadly.

"Nah. She wouldn't go down without leaving something for us to find."

Tony nodded. He knew Gibbs was more than likely right. Jenny would have given them some kind of clue to work with. She was simply too good at what she did.

* * *

Rather than call Ducky as he had originally planned, Gibbs simply walked into the autopsy room. This was something he needed to explain in person. The doctor turned, frowning at the blood on his clothes and waited.

"What happened to you?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not me."

"Did you kill your suspect?"

"No. Duck, you might want to sit down."

Ducky shook his head, meeting his eyes evenly.

"Who?"

Gibbs sighed.

"Jen."

Leaning back against the cold table, Ducky drew in a sharp breath. He looked at the former marine seriously, holding onto the metal tightly.

"Is she—"

"She's alive. How, I don't know. Need you to look at these and see if anything unusual jumps out at you."

Gibbs passed him the folder he'd been carrying, and Ducky frowned. He hadn't even noticed it until now. He opened it slowly, and he felt tears filling his eyes as he flipped through them slowly. It was difficult to focus on anything other than the massive amount of blood in the photos and the doctor closed the folder, sliding it back to him.

"How did she survive?"

"No idea. I'm on my way to Portsmouth now. Want a ride?"

Ducky nodded, grabbing his coat. Gibbs picked up the folder, making sure he remembered to give it to Abby, and as they stepped into the parking lot, he found his thoughts filled with a certain redhead and thoughts of revenge.

* * *

The first thing that went through Gibbs' mind as he entered the hospital room was of how small Jenny looked. The crisp white sheets made her skin look even paler than normal, and he frowned as he made his way to the chair next to the bed. Ducky was outside speaking with her doctor, and Gibbs reached for her hand, holding it gently in his own. He leaned down, kissing her forehead and he touched her hair.

"Don't worry, Jen. I'll find that bastard if it's the last thing I do."

"Jethro, I do have some good news."

He looked at the doctor, and waited.

"They've given her blood to replenish what she lost, and it looks like she'll make a full recovery. Agent Fredericks saved her life by calling as quickly as he did. The injury to her throat was the most severe, but luckily, she was brought here in enough time to save her."

Gibbs frowned.

"Will she be able to talk?"

Ducky sighed.

"Not right away, definitely. As for later, I'm not sure. It depends on how deeply her larynx was cut."

"Guess it's a good thing I taught her sign language in Europe."

"Yes, between you and Abigail, we should have no trouble."

Ducky looked down at the sleeping redhead, frowning as he examined her injuries. He ran his finger delicately over her cheek, touching the stitches that held it shut, and looked to his friend.

"She's likely going to have some scarring from this. It was much deeper than I thought. Her throat will also scar. I don't think even I could have prevented that. They did a very good job at closing the wound, though."

Gibbs frowned.

"Not like she doesn't have other scars, Duck."

The doctor nodded.

"Yes, but none of those are as easily seen. She can cover those. These are going to be prominent. She might be able to cover them with makeup, depending on her skill with it, but she's likely going to feel insecure about it for awhile."

"She's still beautiful."

"Without a doubt, Jethro. I just hope she can still see it."

Gibbs ran his thumb over the back of her hand lightly.

"I'll make sure she sees it."

* * *

Abby couldn't stop the tears from falling as she examined the photos Gibbs had given her, and she laid her head on her desk. Her body shook as she sobbed and she was so upset that she didn't notice the doors sliding open. She jumped as McGee put his hand on her shoulder, and turned.

"McGee!"

She wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder, and he rubbed her back soothingly.

"Did you see her, McGee?"

He nodded, still holding her close, and he ran his hand over her hair.

"I saw."

"Is she...is she going to die, McGee?"

The agent sighed, not sure how to answer. In truth, he had no idea, but he knew the Goth would never accept that answer.

"It was bad, Abby. I've never seen that much blood. She was alive when the ambulance took her to the hospital. Gibbs is there now."

"Oh, God! Gibbs! I didn't even think...McGee, how is he?"

"He didn't look good. He wants you to analyse all of the blood. Most of it will be the Director's, but there's a chance that we might get a match on Harrison."

"You think he's the one who did it?"

McGee nodded.

"Definitely. Just need the DNA to prove it."

Abby nodded, stepping out of his arms and she turned to the computer.

"I'll find it, McGee. This is for the Director. I have to."

McGee kissed the side of her hair gently.

"I know you will."

* * *

Gibbs refused to leave Jenny's side when Ducky offered him a coffee, and the doctor smiled knowingly. Much like she had stayed with him in Positano and when he'd been in a coma, he knew there would be no point in trying to convince him to leave. The doctor glanced at him once more as he stepped from the room, and as he passed Tony in the hall, he stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Unless it's majorly important, I wouldn't disturb him."

Tony nodded.

"It is."

The Senior Field Agent walked into the room, frowning at the sight of the redhead lying unconscious in the hospital bed, and when Gibbs looked up, Tony nodded his head.

"Boss, we found a footprint in the blood on the floor at Director Shepard's house. Abby's running everything now, and she should have an answer within the next twenty minutes on the blood analysis."

Gibbs nodded, turning his attention back to Jenny.

"How is she?"

"Should make a full recovery. We'll know when she wakes up."

"Is she in a coma or just sedated?"

Gibbs looked at him, and Tony was struck by how much older he looked.

"Sedated. Should wear off in a few hours."

Tony nodded and he took a step closer. He wasn't sure if he should touch her or not, but he ultimately decided to reach out and lightly touched her hand. He could feel Gibbs watching him, and as he pulled back, the older agent gave him a small smile.

"As soon as Abby calls, I'll let you know."

Gibbs nodded.

"Hey, DiNozzo."

He turned, halfway between the door and the bed.

"Yeah, boss?"

"I'll tell her you stopped by."

Tony nodded, and walked out, passing Ducky as he moved.

"Call me as soon as she wakes up. Please."

"Of course, Anthony."

Tony walked away, pulling out his phone and as he stepped into the elevator, he began dialing.

"McGee, tell me Abby's got something."

* * *

Ziva knocked lightly on the door of Jenny's hospital room, and when Gibbs glanced up, she gave him a small smile. He waved her in, and she sat down on the opposite side of the bed, looking at the redhead sadly.

"How is she, Gibbs?"

"Should wake up soon."

She touched the bandage covering Jenny's throat gently, and he tensed. He knew Ziva would never hurt Jenny, but his overprotective nature was taking control.

"She is very lucky. Were her vocal chords damaged?"

He nodded.

"Won't know how badly until she wakes."

The Israeli nodded, looking at him seriously.

"She'll be okay, Gibbs. Jenny's a very strong woman. She wouldn't give up without a fight."

Again, he nodded and Ziva touched Jenny's shoulder lightly.

"_Ani ohevet otah'_," she said quietly.

Gibbs frowned. Ziva didn't offer any explanation, but she smiled as she left the room. He took her hand again, and he raised it to his lips, kissing it lightly. He needed her to wake up, needed to see her eyes, and he laid his head on the pillow next to her.

"Come on, Jen. Come back to me."

The only answer he received was the steady beep of the heart monitor.

* * *

Abby clapped her hands excitedly as the results flashed on the computer in front of her and she turned to McGee. He hadn't left her side since he'd found her crying in the lab, and she hugged him as she picked up the phone.

"DiNozzo."

"Tony, I got it! I got a match on Harrison's DNA."

"Great. I'll call Gibbs."

He hung up and Abby smiled as McGee kissed her cheek.

"Good work, Abby."

* * *

Sounds were echoing, swelling and falling in great crescendos, slow and distorted, and it was beginning to make her head ache. She wanted to move, wanted to take advantage of the strength she could feel returning, but her muscles refused to listen. A steady tingling sensation was spreading throughout her body and she tried again to move.

At last, her eyes opened slowly and she immediately regretted the decision. Her eyelids were heavier than she remembered them being, and the bright light made them sting painfully. She closed them again, and after a moment of debating, she opened them halfway as a compromise. She wanted to sit up, but at the same time, she was too exhausted to try. Panic was building within her, and when she realised that someone was touching her, her fear only intensified.

Glancing around the room, her eyes landed on the figure next to her, and when she realised that she recognised it, she relaxed. Finally, she tried to move her hand, and her fingers twitched slightly, hitting a slight resistance. A shifting drew her attention and she tried to keep her fear under control.

"Jen?"

She met his eyes, and tried to speak. He shook his head, holding her hand tighter.

"Don't. Don't try to talk. I'll get the doctor."

He leaned over as he stood and kissed her head gently. When he returned seconds later, she visibly relaxed, and the doctor gave her a warm smile.

"Good afternoon, Jennifer."

She rolled her eyes, looking to Gibbs. He nodded in understanding and turned to the doctor.

"Jenny. She doesn't like Jennifer."

The doctor smiled.

"Of course. Sorry, Jenny. I'm glad to see you're awake, and I'm sure your husband is as well."

Jenny glanced at Gibbs again, but he said nothing.

"My name is Amy Bowen, and I'm the doctor who has been overseeing your treatment. Do you remember what happened?"

The redhead nodded, and Doctor Bowen gave her a reassuring smile.

"Okay. I know you can't talk now, but could you write it down? Can you tell me who attacked you?"

Jenny tapped Gibbs on the shoulder and he looked at her seriously.

-**Can you interpret?-** she signed.

He nodded.

"I know ASL."

Doctor Bowen nodded, and Jenny gave Gibbs a weak smile.

-**Harrison. It was a knife. About nine inches. No idea where he went.**

Gibbs relayed the message to the younger woman and she nodded.

"I can relay your description to the police if you'd like."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not necessary. I work for NCIS. We're currently handling it."

She nodded again and Gibbs pulled out his phone. He needed to call Ducky to alert him of the change in Jenny's condition and he stepped away. Jenny's eyes never left him as he stood in the corner of the room and when he returned, she reached for his hand.

"Ducky's on his way. He's down in the cafeteria."

Jenny nodded, and he kissed her hand gently. She leaned closer to him and he carefully wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She closed her eyes wearily, opening them only when she heard the door open again, and she smiled when she saw the Scottish doctor. She began signing rapidly and Ducky looked to Gibbs a slight question in his eyes.

"She wants to know when she can start speaking again," Gibbs explained.

Ducky frowned, turning to Doctor Bowen.

"I'm Doctor Donald Mallard, I work with both Jennifer and Jethro. How extensive was the injury to her larynx?"

The young woman shook his hand, and gave him a smile.

"Nice to meet you, Doctor Mallard. It will take a few weeks at the very least for her vocal chords to have any chance of recovering, and even then, nothing strenuous. She'll have to be very careful for awhile."

Ducky looked at Jenny, his eyes serious.

"You heard her, Jennifer. I expect you to listen."

Jenny rolled her eyes and began signing again.

"I don't think you want me to interpret that one, Duck."

Ducky laughed, leaning over to hug her gently, and when she didn't let go, he frowned. He pulled back, still holding her in his arms and looked at her seriously.

"What's wrong, my dear?"

She asked her question, and when Gibbs relayed it, his voice was quiet.

"She wants to know if Fredericks will be okay."

Ducky nodded, waving at Doctor Bowen as she left the room.

"He's fine. Very concerned about you, but he'll make a fast recovery. But why did you not just ask Jethro? He was the one at the scene."

Jenny frowned, looking to Gibbs.

-**You were there?**

He nodded.

**-What happened to Harrison?**

"No idea. He was gone when we got there. We were more concerned with getting you here."

Jenny closed her eyes and nodded.

**-How bad was it?**

Gibbs looked at her, searching her eyes seriously.

"Not now. I'll tell you more later. I promise."

Jenny nodded, and Ducky stepped back from the bed, his phone in his hand.

"I should call Anthony. He asked me to let him know when she woke up."

Gibbs nodded his head once, looking to the redhead with a smile.

"That reminds me. Tony and Ziva stopped by."

-**What about McGee? Too nervous?**

"Nah. He's been with Abby running samples. They got a match on Harrison's DNA. Found his blood in the front hall."

Jenny smiled slightly.

-**I tried to hit him hard enough to leave a trail.**

Gibbs returned her smile and kissed her cheek

"I knew you would give us something to work with."

Their conversation was interrupted as the attending nurse returned to check on Jenny and she smiled at the redhead warmly.

"Hello, Ms. Shepard. Are you in any pain?"

She shook her head and Gibbs looked at her seriously.

"Jen."

She glanced at him and then back at the nurse. She nodded and the nurse smiled knowingly.

"I figured as much. We'll give you a mild sedative to take the edge off of the pain and you'll feel better soon."

Jenny nodded her thanks and Gibbs kissed her cheek again. She was feeling more than a little tired now, and as she waited for the nurse to return, she found herself profoundly grateful that she was still alive.

* * *

Abby barely heard the phone ringing in her lab and when she answered it, she gestured for McGee to turn down the player.

"Abby Sciuto's lab, how may I rock your world?"

"Abby, the Director is awake."

"That's great! Tony, when can I see her?"

"I don't know. I'll ask when I talk to Gibbs. Just wanted to let you know."

"Where's Ziva?"

"She's out looking for Harrison. Gibbs is out for blood. I'll be in touch."

Abby turned to McGee, hugging him tightly.

"She's awake!"

"That's great, Abs."

The Goth kissed his cheek and McGee smiled. He hadn't realised just how much Director Shepard really meant to them until now. He made up his mind as he watched Abby smile that he would never take any of his friends for granted again.

* * *

**A/N: Ziva's words in the hospital translate to "I love you" in Hebrew (when spoken from female to female). **

**When I originally started this chapter, the opening scene with Jenny being ill was the first scene I knew I wanted to have. The second scene I knew I wanted was of Jenny being attacked by Harrison, and the scene was inspired by Annie Brackett's death scene in Halloween II (2009). For an idea of how it would look, check it out on YouTube. The last scene I knew I was going to write was Abby crying in the lab. I started with those three scenes and this was the result. I hope you liked it.**


	27. Aftermath

**A/N: In which Gibbs and Jenny deal with Harrison's attack, and in which Gibbs gets his revenge.**

* * *

As Jenny watched Gibbs sleep in the hard plastic hospital chair, she smiled and rolled her eyes. She'd tried to convince him to go home, but even as she had, she'd known it would be useless. Her pain was manageable, so long as the IV in her arm was attached, and she knew that he had a case he should have been working on, but he had been adamant about staying.

A low sound reached her ears and after a few seconds, she realised that it was his phone vibrating. She reached out, tapping his arm lightly and when he opened his eyes, he frowned.

"Jen, what is it?"

**-Your phone is ringing.**

He nodded, picking it up from the table, and as he answered it, he took her hand.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

She closed her eyes, wondering how long she would be forced to stay in this godforsaken bed, and when he hung up, she opened her eyes again in confusion.

"DiNozzo. They solved their case. Kind of makes me feel unneeded."

She hooked her finger at him, beckoning him closer, and when he leaned down, she slapped the back of his head. He laughed quietly, kissing her gently, and she frowned as she tried to remember something.

**-Do you know where my cell is?**

He shook his head.

"No. I didn't see it in your kitchen. Maybe it was upstairs. Why?"

**-I was supposed to meet Heather for lunch today. I need to let her know what's happened.**

"I can call her."

Jenny nodded, gesturing to the notepad by her bed and he handed it to her. Writing her sister's number down, she gave it back to him and when he made to step out of the room, her fingers locked around his wrist. Her head shook and he looked down at her seriously.

"You want me to stay?"

She nodded, and he sat back down, reaching again for her hand. He dialed Heather's number, almost hoping she wouldn't answer, and sighed when she did. He really didn't want to be the one to tell her about Jenny's condition, but since she couldn't do it herself, the responsibility fell to him.

"Hi, Heather. It's Jethro."

"Oh, hi! How are you?"

"Well, that's why I'm calling. Jenny isn't going to be able to make your lunch date today."

She must have heard something in his voice, because when she spoke next, he could hear the fear in hers.

"What happened? Is Jenny okay?"

"She's in the hospital."

"It's the Lyme disease, isn't it? It got worse."

"No, it isn't that."

"Wait..." Heather's voice was tight, and he knew she was holding back tears, "why didn't Jenny call me herself?"

"Why don't you come to the hospital and I'll explain more."

He gave her the room number and when he hung up, he could feel Jenny's fingers lightly raking through his hair. Glancing at her, he gave her a smile and when she narrowed her eyes at him, he kissed her.

"Heather's on her way down. I'll meet her in the hall and explain."

**-Don't scare her, Jethro.**

He ran his hand through her hair and she smiled.

"I won't scare her, Jen. I'll be nice."

Her eyebrow raised and he laughed.

"I will. You'll be proud of me. I can be nice when I have to."

She rolled her eyes as she smiled and he kissed her hand. This wasn't the conversation he had wanted to have so early in his relationship with her sister, but he would have done anything she asked of him. If it made her smile, he would have given her the moon.

* * *

Heather Lloyd, formerly Heather Shepard, made her way down the long hallway that would lead her to her sister's room and when she saw a certain silver-haired former marine waiting for her outside the door, she walked a bit faster. He stopped her before she could enter, and she looked at him with annoyance that reminded him so strongly of Jenny that it hurt.

"What's going on? Where's Jenny?"

He inclined his head toward the room and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Heather, there's something you need to see before you go in."

Pulling out the copies he'd had McGee make of the photos of Jenny's injuries, he extended his hand to her.

"They're hard to look at," he warned her, "so you might want to take it slow."

She looked down, nearly dropping it in shock, and her eyes closed automatically. Her hand began shaking and when she opened her eyes, she took a deep breath.

"How did this happen?" she whispered.

"The man that raped Jenny six months ago. He was recently released and he found her. My team is looking for him now, and as soon as they find him, he'll be thrown in prison for the rest of his life. If I don't find him first."

She nodded, and slowly made her way through the pictures, and when she handed them back to him, he placed them back in his pocket. He had promised Jenny that he would tell her more later, and the pictures were the only way he knew he could get through it.

"She's going to be okay, right?"

He nodded, his eyes serious.

"She can't talk right now. That's why I had to call you, but hopefully in a month or two, she'll have made a complete recovery."

Heather hugged him, and he returned it somewhat awkwardly. When she stepped back, he noticed the tears in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She wiped them away and he gestured to the door.

"She's probably wondering where we are."

The younger woman nodded and he led her into the room. Jenny was flipping through a book that Ducky had given her, and when she noticed their presence, she smiled. Heather immediately ran to her bedside, wrapping her arms around her carefully and Gibbs sat down on the opposite side.

"Jenny, are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded and she began signing, tapping Gibbs on the shoulder. Heather frowned and he gave her an encouraging smile.

"She wants to know how Tori is."

Heather smiled and thanked him.

"She's fine. I didn't tell her what happened. You know sign language?"

Jenny smiled and pointed to Gibbs.

"I taught her in Europe."

"That's cool. And really helpful now."

Gibbs frowned as his phone rang again, and he stepped away, answering it coldly. He didn't want his time with Jenny interrupted and it seemed the universe was against him.

"When will you be out?"

Jenny shrugged and picked up the notepad, her pen flying across the paper.

_**Probably a day or two.**_

Heather hugged her again, and Jenny felt a few tears drip onto her hair. She reached out to take her sister's hand and gave her a smile.

"Hey, Jen, Cynthia called. She wants to know what to tell SecNav about your meeting for Monday."

Shit. She'd completely forgotten about the meeting and she frowned, thinking frantically.

**-Tell her I'll be there. I'll get Abby to interpret if necessary.**

Gibbs looked at her seriously, knowing he should try to convince her to postpone it, but he also knew that she would never listen. Instead, he nodded and walked away, giving the sisters privacy.

"Jenny...does it hurt?"

_**Not as long as I have pain medication.**_

Heather laughed and then frowned. She wanted to ask her another question, but wasn't sure how to word it.

"Were you...were you scared?"

Jenny nodded, glancing over at Gibbs before she began to write. She hadn't told him just how terrified she had been, and she was immensely glad that he was currently on the phone.

_**Beyond belief. I was sure that I was going to die. I couldn't stop screaming.**_

"It looked bad. I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know how you did it."

Jenny frowned, and Heather understood even without words.

"I saw the pictures."

Right. Of course there would have been pictures. She'd forgotten that her house was once again an official crime scene. Heather's phone chirped and when she glanced down, she gave Jenny an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry to do this, but I have to go. Tori's school just called David. She's running a fever."

Jenny waved away her apology and smiled.

_**Give her a hug from me.**_

"I will. Let me know if you need anything."

Heather hugged her, kissing the side of her head gently and Jenny smiled as she pulled away.

"Love you."

Jenny nodded, and Gibbs waved from the corner as she passed him. He hung up the phone a minute later and returned to Jenny's bedside and gave her a smile.

"Cynthia said to tell you that she hopes to see you soon."

The redhead nodded, and then remembered what her sister had said.

**-You showed Heather the pictures?**

He nodded.

"Seemed the easiest way to explain."

**-Show me.**

He frowned.

"Jen...I don't think you want to see them."

She glared at him, and he sighed. Pulling them out of his pocket, he handed them slowly to her, and her eyes instantly burned with tears as she flipped through them. She felt as though she were looking at someone else, and found that if she distanced herself from it, they were somehow easier to handle. She lingered on the last photo McGee had taken of her throat for a few seconds longer and Gibbs slowly reached out to take them back. He gently pulled them from her fingers and she raised tear-filled eyes to his.

**-You took these?**

"McGee."

She nodded, and he ran his thumb under her eyes, wiping away the tears that fell.

"Jen...you need to take it easy."

**-Jethro...I want to go home.**

"I know. It won't be long. You're staying with me, though. Clear?"

**-I always intended to.**

He leaned in to kiss her, and she smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. As he laid his head on her chest, she continued to touch his hair and when she felt him fall asleep ten minutes later, she couldn't stop herself from smiling.

* * *

Against her many protests and angry glares, Gibbs swept Jenny into his arms as he walked to his truck and when he placed her carefully onto the seat, she flipped him off with a smile as he made his way to the other side. After finally being released from the hospital, she wanted nothing more than to go back to his house and sleep in a proper bed, but she knew it wasn't possible yet. She still needed to have her meeting with SecNav and though there was nothing she wanted to do less, she decided she'd better get it over with.

Gibbs' phone rang as he drove them to the Navy Yard, and he sighed as he answered it.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Gibbs, I've found him."

"Where?"

"The bar we were in last week."

"Thanks, Ziva."

He hung up, pointedly ignoring Jenny's questioning look, and as he parked the truck, she glared at him. He knew she would try (figuratively, at least) to talk him out of it, and he couldn't risk that. He helped her inside the building, noticing that she kept her eyes on the ground, and he leaned down closer to her ear.

"You okay?"

She nodded, and as they stepped onto the lift, Jenny found her view suddenly obstructed by black hair. Abby had thrown her arms around her, and when the redhead lightly tapped on her shoulder, she pulled away apologetically.

"Director Shepard! I'm so glad you're okay!"

Jenny smiled at her and Gibbs looked at the Goth warmly.

"Abs, need you to do me a favour."

"Name it, Gibbs."

"I need you to interpret what Director Shepard says to SecNav."

Jenny frowned, confused. She smacked him lightly on the arm and he looked at her.

**-What about you?**

"Can't. I've got something I need to take care of."

She nodded, and Abby hugged her again.

"Don't worry, Director. I'll help any way I can."

Gibbs kissed Jenny and Abby couldn't keep the smile from her face. He placed a light kiss on the younger girl's cheek as they stepped off the elevator, and he leaned down to her ear.

"Thanks, Abs."

He didn't bother following them as they walked up the stairs, but his eyes followed the redhead as she walked, taking note of the way she seemed to be avoiding everyone's gaze. As the silver doors slid shut, he only had one thing on his mind, and it sure as hell wasn't his gossiping colleagues.

* * *

Secretary of the Navy Donald Winter frowned at the young woman who sat next to him and looked across the desk to Jenny in confusion.

"Jennifer, I hope you realise that this is highly unusual to have a third party sitting in on our meeting."

Jenny nodded, and gestured to Abby. She would never admit it, but she was secretly looking forward to hearing his condescending tone change, and she nodded to the folder the Goth was holding out. He took it from her, gasping as he flipped through them and looked at her seriously.

"These are part of your MCRT's latest case?"

The redhead shook her head and pointedly looked at him. He frowned and Abby spoke up softly.

"Sir, these are photos of the attack on Director Shepard."

He looked at her properly for the first time, and nodded.

"I'm assuming this is the reason for your presence?"

Abby nodded, taking the folder back.

"She can't speak, sir. I know sign language, so does Director Shepard."

"Right. Jennifer, I know that you've been through quite an ordeal these past few months, and while I do sympathise, I need to know: are you still capable of performing your job?"

Jenny fought the urge to roll her eyes and nodded.

**-Sir, if we explain the situation, I'm sure that most people will understand. Between Ms. Sciuto and Agent Gibbs, interpretation would not be an issue.**

Abby relayed the message and SecNav frowned.

"And in those moments when neither Agent Gibbs nor Ms. Sciuto can be spared?"

**-I would hope that such high-ranking and educated officials can read.**

Abby looked at Jenny seriously before speaking.

"You really want me to tell him that, Director?"

Jenny nodded and Abby took a deep breath.

"She said...I would hope that such high-ranking and educated officials can read...sir."

The Goth's eyes flickered back and forth between the two as Secretary Winter studied Jenny and when he laughed suddenly, she visibly relaxed.

"You make a very good point, Jennifer. However, if you should change your mind, it can be arranged for you to take a temporary leave of absence until you feel better prepared."

Jenny glared at him, and he held out his hand.

"If you change your mind, let me know."

Shaking his hand, she offered him a smile, and he returned it.

"If you need anything, Jennifer...do not hesitate."

She nodded, and as Cynthia showed him to the door, it occurred to Jenny that they hadn't even discussed the original need for their meeting.

* * *

Gibbs' trained eyes followed Harrison as he pulled his car into the driveway, and as soon as the younger man had stepped out of the vehicle, Gibbs crossed the street.

"Don't move, Harrison."

He turned, giving him a slightly amused smile.

"Agent Gibbs. I had a feeling I would be seeing you soon. I do apologise...I never really meant for it to go this far. I didn't want to hurt her, but you know redheads. Stubborn to a fault. She wouldn't listen to a word I had to say."

Gibbs trained his weapon on the younger man and moved slowly closer.

"We found your DNA at the scene. You're going back to prison. No point in running."

"Look, Agent Gibbs, I already said I was sorry for killing your girlfriend."

Gibbs didn't bother to correct him. If the bastard thought Jenny was dead, that ultimately worked better for his needs now.

"Think of it this way: you killed my brother, I killed her. Now we're even."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Except your brother got what he deserved. She never did anything to deserve this."

Harrison was still standing by his open car door and Gibbs frowned as he took another step closer.

"She got me thrown in jail."

"You did that. The second you touched her, you were going away. Should have known better."

Gibbs knew, even before Harrison moved, that he was going to try. He pulled out a gun from underneath his seat and fired once, his aim wide. He made a mad dash for the door of the house, and Gibbs fired his own shot, hitting just above his knee. Harrison went down, but kept moving. He somehow managed to unlock and open the door, and as he staggered into the large living room, Gibbs ran after him, weapon still drawn.

Harrison's next shot missed his shoulder by mere inches and Gibbs delivered a swift kick to his leg. He tried to kick the gun from his hand, but Harrison held strong. Grabbing the former marine by the ankle, Harrison pulled him to the floor, and as Gibbs punched him squarely in the jaw, he could have sworn he was laughing.

"You know, it's kind of funny," he panted, spitting out a mouthful of blood, "Jenny put up one hell of a fight, too."

Gibbs grabbed his wrist, slamming it onto the floor over and over again, hoping he would release it. Finally it fell from his hand, and Gibbs wrapped his hand around his throat.

"I will admit it...I loved hearing her scream. It was beautiful."

Harrison's reaching fingers found the firearm again, but before he could raise it, Gibbs brought the barrel of his own gun to the younger man's head. Harrison laughed, though Gibbs could find nothing funny about it, and when he spoke, his voice was breathless.

"I'll tell the little bitch you said hello."

Gibbs didn't think. He pulled the trigger as hard as he could, not even looking away as the blood sprayed over him. He needed to see the life fade from Harrison's eyes, and it wasn't until he finally stopped breathing that Gibbs stood, staring down at the still body. He pulled out his phone, calling the one person he knew could help him now.

"Fornell."

"Hey, Tobias, need a favour."

"Last time you said that, it was a complete shit storm."

He laughed.

"True. But this isn't really for me, per se. It's for Jenny."

He could almost see Fornell frowning and waited.

"What is it?"

"Harrison's dead. I need help clearing a few things. Meet me at my house."

"Be there in fifteen."

* * *

Tobias Fornell whistled as Gibbs told him what had happened at the Harrison residence, and shook his head.

"How bad is she?"

Gibbs handed him the pictures he'd shown Heather, and as the other agent's eyes widened, he swore softly.

"She's alive? How in God's name did she pull through that?"

Gibbs shrugged, looking at him seriously.

"She's strong. Stronger than anyone I've ever known. I need your help to make this all go away. I don't want her knowing what happened, and I don't want to see any paperwork about it."

Fornell nodded.

"Where is she?"

"Her office."

"She's at _work_?" Fornell asked incredulously.

"Yep. Had a meeting with SecNav today. I'm going to do everything I can to see if she'll take some time off."

"Mind if I come visit her if you manage it?"

He shook his head.

"By all means. Believe it or not, Jenny does like you."

"Hell, I just want to shake her hand. Got to be one hell of a woman to live through that."

Gibbs smiled. Yeah, she definitely was.

* * *

Gibbs hoped, as he changed out of his bloodstained shirt, that Jenny hadn't paid too much attention to what he'd been wearing that morning. As he walked into her office, he smiled when he saw her sitting behind the desk, typing furiously, and when he closed the door quietly, she glanced up. She smiled at him and waved him in, holding up a finger for him to wait. She finished typing and gave him a curious look as he sat across from her.

"Email?" he asked.

**-Sort of. Explaining that for the foreseeable future, I will be unable to take phone calls or speaking engagements.**

He nodded.

**-SecNav told me that I could file for a leave of absence until I felt more comfortable. **

"Are you going to?"

She frowned, shaking her head.

**-I haven't decided. I don't want to hide from this, but it does make more sense to wait until I can actually speak again. Assuming that I'll ever be able to.**

"You will. Just give it time."

She resumed typing and he watched her for a moment before the chirping of his phone distracted him. He glanced at the text message from Fornell and smiled.

_It's taken care of. Give Jenny my best._

He typed out a quick reply, not noticing that Jenny had been trying to get his attention from behind her desk. She rolled her eyes before grabbing a piece of paper and crumpling it up into a ball. She tossed it at the side of his head, and when it hit its target, she smirked. He looked at her, slightly annoyed, and frowned.

**-Did you take care of whatever business you had earlier?**

He nodded.

"Yep. Are you staying much longer?"

She shook her head, looking at him seriously.

**-No. All I want to do is go to bed.**

He arched an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes.

**-Not what I meant.**

Standing, he leaned over her desk, letting his lips brush over hers gently.

"I know. Get your jacket and we'll head home."

Home sounded absolutely wonderful.

* * *

Watching her as she carefully undressed, Gibbs smiled and walked over to Jenny, wrapping his arms around her. She frowned, and he gave her a reassuring smile.

"From Fornell. He wanted me to give you a hug."

**-Fornell knows?**

"Jen, you're the Director of a federal agency. Everyone knows."

She rolled her eyes.

**-Fair enough.**

"Would you at least consider taking time off? For me?"

**-I said I would.**

"Yeah, but we both know how stubborn you are."

She glared at him, and he simply shrugged in response. He pulled her down to sit on the bed next to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder. His fingers slipped into her hair, and she smiled at the comforting sensation. She raised up slowly, her eyes troubled, and he met her gaze levelly.

"What is it?"

**-I don't want people to think differently of me.**

He shook his head, reaching for her hand.

"If anything, they're going to think you're even more of a badass. Jen, do you realise how incredibly strong you are for surviving what you've been through? I don't know of anyone else who could have done it."

**-They're going to stare.**

"People always stare at you, Jen. You're gorgeous. Even more so now. You fought for your life and you won. No one can take that away from you."

She nodded, but he knew, even as he smiled, that she didn't believe him. She was going to make herself sick overthinking every look that was given to her, and he hoped that he would somehow be able to help her through it. He pushed her gently back on the bed and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. Placing a light kiss to her temple, he let his lips linger longer than he normally would have, and when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"Just remember how much I love you, Jen. No matter what happens."

* * *

Jenny angrily slammed the door of her office so hard that it rattled in the frame, and it still wasn't enough. She'd tried not to listen to the whispered voices in the squad room as she'd walked to MTAC, but she'd still caught bits and pieces of the conversations. She'd known they would talk, known that her injuries would be a hot topic to discuss for quite a while, but she'd underestimated just how much it would get under her skin.

She walked into her adjoining bathroom, shutting the door behind her, and as she tried to control her anger, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. All things considered, she didn't look as badly as she'd feared, but it was still enough to make her uncomfortable. The bruising on her skin had been masked with makeup, but she hadn't even attempted to cover up the stitches on her left cheek. She had no idea if makeup was safe to use on it, and it wasn't something she was going to risk for the sake of vanity.

The bandage on her throat covered the stitching entirely, but she could only imagine that she looked similar to Frankenstein's monster beneath it. Ducky had told her that it wasn't nearly that bad, but she knew he was just being kind. The next two weeks of waiting for the stitching to be removed were going to be torture, and she tried to keep the tears she could feel in her eyes from falling. Even as she looked into her own eyes, she knew she was being ridiculous, that her worth wasn't based on her appearance, but she couldn't help the feeling of disgust she felt at the sight before her.

Before she even had time to truly consider her actions or the consequences thereof, Jenny brought her hand back and slammed her fist into the mirror, closing her eyes to protect them from the glass. She didn't even feel the pain of the glass embedded into her hand, and as she set about cleaning it, she cursed herself, both for hating her appearance and for ever thinking that she was strong enough to handle this.

She kept her head down as she walked across the catwalk, and she was suddenly thankful that not many of her employees glanced up throughout their day. Gibbs was the only one who ever looked at the catwalk with any kind of regularity, and she knew that he only did it in an attempt to see her. He was focused on his computer at the moment, and she knew, just from the steely look in his eyes, that he could hear the whispers around him.

"Hey, guys...I'm trying to fix this cable here. Can you guys made be a little quieter?"

"Sorry, Tim, we were just talking about—"

"I know. Director Shepard. That's all any of you have talked about for the past three days. Give it a rest. You've got no idea what she's gone through, and she doesn't deserve to have you talking about her all day. So she's got a few bruises, maybe a scar or two. You can't possibly tell me that all of you have absolutely no imperfections. Besides, hers were earned. She's a hell of a lot braver than most of you, and she's damn well earned your respect."

Jenny had never felt more proud of the young agent and she smiled in spite of the tears in her eyes. She recognised the voice of Will Chamberlain as he spoke up and she frowned.

"We were just talking about how good it was that she's alive. We'd never make it without her."

"Oh," McGee answered, "Right. Sorry."

Jenny smirked, and made her way carefully to the steps. She met Gibbs' eyes as she approached him and nodded towards the elevator. He stood, frowning when she shook her head, and she looked pointedly over his shoulder. His eyes landed on McGee and he suddenly understood.

"McGee. With me. Now."

"Coming, boss."

* * *

They met Jenny inside the lift, and McGee frowned, looking nervously between the two of them.

"Boss...Director Shepard, I just...I know I shouldn't have yelled like that, but—"

Jenny held up her hand, halting his protests and began signing. As Gibbs watched her, he tried not to smile, and looked to his young agent.

"You're not in trouble, McGee."

He glanced at Jenny, his eyes confused.

"I'm not?"

She shook her head, offering him a smile. Making a writing gesture, she turned to Gibbs, and he nodded, pulling out a small notepad. McGee handed her a pen and she braced herself against the wall of the elevator to steady her hand as she wrote. She handed the piece of paper to McGee, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling as he read what she had written.

"Thank you, Director."

She shook her head again, and began signing again. Gibbs was about to tell him what she'd said, but McGee stopped him with a smile. He knew enough of sign language to know what she'd meant.

"Thank you, Jenny."

She smiled, reaching out to touch his shoulder lightly, and Gibbs flipped the switch to start the elevator again. He stole a quick glance over McGee's shoulder to read the paper he still held in his hand and he smiled when his eyes found Jenny's in the lift.

_I'm proud of you, Tim._

Gibbs let McGee exit the elevator first, and when Jenny made to pass him, he held his arm in front of the door. Cobalt blue met emerald green and when she nodded, he stopped the elevator again.

"What happened to your hand?"

**-My mirror broke in the bathroom of my office.**

He frowned.

"Uh-huh. And how did that happen, exactly?"

She shrugged, and he sighed. He tilted her chin up so that she had no choice but to look at him, and he looked down at her seriously.

"You're still the most beautiful woman in the whole damn building, Jen."

She frowned.

**-I think Ziva might have me beat.**

"Not to me."

She smiled sadly, and he ran his thumb gently over the stitches in her cheek.

"If you want, we can ask Ducky if he knows of any ways to reduce scarring once the stitches are removed."

Jenny nodded, and hit the emergency stop switch. She pressed the button that would take them to autopsy, and Gibbs frowned.

"Now?"

She glared at him and he smirked.

"Now, it is."

He was silent for a few seconds and just before the elevator stopped, he turned to face her, his eyes locking on hers.

"I love you, Jen."

She reached up to touch his face gently, and raised up on her toes to kiss him.

"I love you," she mouthed.

He wrapped his arm around her waist as they left the elevator and he smiled as he noticed that her head was held a little higher than it had been before.

The cold autopsy room was empty save for the Scottish doctor, and he gave them both a large smile as they entered.

"Jennifer! Jethro! How are you both?"

Jenny smiled, and he hugged her gently. Gibbs nodded his head and leaned against one of the metal tables.

"Got a question, Duck."

"Of course."

"What are some good ways to prevent scarring after removing stitches?"

Ducky nodded, looking at Jenny seriously.

"Well, the first thing you'll want to do it let it heal completely. Don't try to rush anything. Massage the area daily with Vitamin E or aloe for the first few weeks, and avoid sunlight."

Jenny nodded, and the doctor couldn't help but notice that she looked disheartened.

"I know it isn't what you want to hear Jennifer, and I do wish I could be of more help, but you must understand that you're stunning regardless. Don't ever think otherwise."

She gave him a sad smile and he wrapped her in a hug again. She kissed his cheek when she pulled away, and he smiled as he remembered something.

"Jethro tells me that you've recently reconnected with your sister and her family. Will we have the pleasure of meeting before the wedding?"

The redhead nodded, and signed quickly. Gibbs smiled and Ducky looked to him for assistance.

"She says you're going to love Tori."

"Tori is your sister?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Heather is her sister. Tori is her niece."

Ducky nodded.

"Always a pleasure meeting bright young minds. And if she's related to you, Jennifer, she is undoubtedly bright."

Jenny smiled, kissing his cheek again and he waved as she walked out of the cold room. Gibbs lingered for a few more moments, and he clapped the doctor on the shoulder.

"Thanks, Duck."

"Anytime."

Gibbs began walking to the door and the doctor's quiet voice stopped him.

"Oh, and Jethro? Don't let her forget how much she means to you. She's going to need you."

He nodded.

"Won't be a problem. I need her too, Duck. More than she knows."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Love you guys so much!**


	28. What Lies Beneath

**A/N: I've reached over 100 reviews, and you have absolutely no idea how much that means to me! I love each and every one of you so much! Hope you enjoy! Next chapter should be up on Saturday!**

* * *

_Broken glass and blood covered every surface, and as Jenny walked through the wreckage, she was distinctly aware of the beating of her own heart. When she reached the kitchen, her attention was drawn to the body lying on the floor drenched in thick, dark blood, and she tried to scream. There was only silence, and she knelt down next to the still figure, reaching out slowly. Something about the body was familiar to her, and as she turned it over, she tried again to scream. _

_ She was staring down at her own body, throat slashed deeply, and a rough hand grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her around. Her eyes landed on the twisted bloody smile of Shawn Harrison, and she struggled to pull free from his vice-like grip. Blood poured from her throat, and his smile grew. His cold laughter echoed in her ears and it was the last thing she heard before the world faded around her._

Jenny's breathing was ragged as her eyes opened, and she tried desperately to remember where she was. Her hand automatically went to her throat and she was relieved to find that the bandage was still in place, though she couldn't stop shaking regardless. She glanced around the dark room, noticing that Gibbs was still sleeping next to her, and she was happy that at least she hadn't woken him. She laid back down, trying to stop the trembling in her hands and when she felt Gibbs pull her closer, she smiled sadly. She turned in his arms, curling closer against him, and as she listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, she slowly began to calm down.

Her eyes closed, and as she fell asleep again, she found herself praying that she would make it through the night without dreaming again. She needed sleep in the worst way, and she knew that her day would only get worse the longer she went without it. Work was difficult enough now without adding sleep deprivation into the mix. It seemed that the universe was against her, however, and she woke several more times throughout the night, each time shaking more violently than the last. Work was going to be hell.

* * *

Though Jenny didn't know it, Gibbs had woken each time her nightmares had torn her from her sleep, and while he had wanted to tell her, he knew she would feel guilty at the thought of waking him. He settled for cradling her against him as he feigned sleep, and he knew that if she had been more focused, she would have never been fooled by his less-than-stellar acting ability. Tears slipped from her eyes as she slept, and he could only imagine what horrors her mind was subjecting her to. He placed a light kiss to her hair as she tucked her head under his chin and he sighed sadly.

"I wish I could make it all stop, Jen," he whispered.

She moved closer to his warmth and he tightened his hold on her as he tried to think of anything he could do to help her. He still had no answer when they woke the next morning for work, but he was determined to try. He only hoped that she would feel comfortable enough to tell him what was bothering her.

* * *

Jenny rolled her eyes as she read the reply to one of her emails and placed her head in her hand. Her line of work meant that she was often forced to deal with chauvinistic people who felt that she hadn't earned her title, but Senator Robert Wilkinson was quite possibly the worst of them all. She angrily tossed her glasses onto her desk and when her door opened seconds later, she glared.

Gibbs smirked at her as he walked up, but stopped when he noticed the pure fury in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, pointing to her computer screen.

"Want me to get McGee to look at it?"

**-It's not broken. It's not the computer itself. **

"What is it?"

**-Read it for yourself.**

He walked around to the other side of her desk, leaning over her shoulder, and as he tried to read it, he sighed. Jenny smirked as she handed him her glasses and he sent her an annoyed look. His frown increased as he read and he realised again why he hated politicians.

"This meeting cannot be postponed and I will be expecting a response within the hour. Will call with details."

Jenny rolled her eyes so hard that it hurt and he looked at her seriously.

"He knows you can't speak, right?"

She glared at him and he laughed.

"I know, I'm a bastard. Still...what an ass."

He leaned closer, kissing her cheek and gave her an encouraging smile.

"Just have Cynthia tell him to meet in person. If he has a problem with that, too damn bad."

She returned his smile and he kissed her again.

"Before I forget, the reason I came up here: lunch later? Anything you want, I'll make it happen."

She nodded and he walked to the door. Just before he reached it, she remembered that he still had her glasses, and she tossed a ball of paper at his head. He turned, confused, and she met his eyes pointedly.

"What?"

**-My glasses. I need them back. **

He took them off, and tossed them carefully across the room. She caught them easily and he gave her a smile as he opened the door.

"Don't kill the Senator."

**-I won't.**

"Or if you do, call me. I know a guy."

She smiled and waved him away, returning to her email. Sighing, she tried to compose a response that didn't sound bitchy, and when her intercom beeped, she frowned.

"Excuse me, Director, Senator Wilkinson is on line one. Should I have him disconnected?"

Jenny stood, grabbing a notepad and pen, making her way to the door. Cynthia gave her an apologetic look and frowned.

"I tried to tell him that you weren't accepting calls, ma'am."

Jenny shook her head and rolled her eyes. She began writing quickly and Cynthia laughed quietly as she read what her boss had written.

_**I know. I was in the middle of answering his email. He's an idiot. Tell him that all meetings will have to be in person if they cannot be rescheduled. No exceptions.**_

"Yes, ma'am."

The younger woman relayed her message and when she hung up the phone, Jenny gave her a sympathetic look.

_**If it helps, I would have loved to have you disconnect him, but he would have just kept calling. **_

"Yes, ma'am. He said he'll be here at 14:30 for your meeting."

Jenny nodded her thanks, rolling her eyes again and Cynthia laughed. She knew that her boss hated any kind of meetings with Senator Wilkinson, and it was no secret that he thought she had slept her way to her position. Cynthia had no idea how the redhead kept herself from smacking him whenever he spoke, but she supposed that was why Jenny was the Director.

* * *

Jenny passed Gibbs' desk and tapped a perfectly manicured nail on the surface to get his attention. He raised his eyebrow and smiled at her, wondering at her annoyed expression.

"Yes, Director?"

**-I need your interpretation skills at 14:30.**

"Meeting with Wilkinson?"

She nodded, and fought the urge to roll her eyes again. She'd already done it so many times that day that she worried they might fall from her head.

"I'll be there."

**-Thank you.**

"Yes, ma'am."

She walked back up the stairs, not oblivious to the eyes of her employees following her, and he nodded at her before she disappeared into her office. He knew a little about the Senator from Jenny's ranting about him previously, and he only hoped he would be able to refrain from hitting him.

* * *

"Am I the only one who thinks it's weird? The two of them together? She's his boss."

"Yeah, but she's younger than he is."

"So? It's still weird."

"Come on, Peterson. They're still people. They're allowed to have lives outside of work. Don't you have a wife?"

"Yeah, but...it's just difficult to look at them and imagine them...you know."

Tony walked up behind the two other agents, a smirk on his face.

"You guys seriously imagine Gibbs and the Director in bed? And people say that I cross lines."

Peterson and Adkins turned, looking shocked at being overheard, but quickly backtracked.

"No," Peterson said carefully, "I meant it's hard to picture them doing normal things...cooking dinner, doing laundry, you know...being a regular couple."

Tony nodded. They did have a point, but he'd personally seen the couple outside the office, and it was such a marked difference that once seen, it was hard to remember that Jenny and Director Shepard were the same person.

"She's completely different when she isn't here."

Adkins frowned.

"Really? How so?"

Tony smiled.

"She's more...relaxed. She knows how to have fun. Gibbs is different, too. He smiles more. They're not any different than any other couple, except they maybe fight a bit more."

Peterson nodded.

"It's kind of like when you were in school. You never really stop to consider that your teachers had lives of their own."

Tony laughed.

"Yeah, little DiNozzo would have had a hard time picturing his teachers going out to a party on the weekend, but you know they did."

Adkins frowned suddenly.

"It must have been hard when she was attacked."

Tony snorted.

"Which time?"

"Any of them, but the last one in particular. I heard she almost died."

Tony nodded, his eyes serious.

"Yeah. It wasn't pretty."

"How bad was it? You were there."

Tony looked at them. The case was public knowledge, but he still didn't like to talk about it. Still, they would make up their own version of events if he didn't give a first-hand account, and he didn't want his friends to deal with that aftermath.

"One of the worst crime scenes I've ever seen. When we got there, I honestly thought we were too late. Thought McGee was gonna puke everywhere, but our little Probilicious held it together. I have no idea how she survived."

"Did you catch the guy?"

Tony frowned. He knew there was no way Gibbs would have let Harrison get away with nearly murdering Jenny, but nothing had been officially filed. He shook his head.

"As far as I know, he's still out there."

"Wow. Is it true that they're getting married?"

"Yeah. Not sure when, though. Probably not until she's completely healed."

"That's awesome."

As the conversation took a lighter tone, Tony turned to make his way back to his desk, and he could feel someone watching him as he moved. He glanced around, and when he saw the steel blue eyes of his team leader, he was suddenly worried. How much had he overheard? Gibbs beckoned him over, and Tony quickened his pace, not wanting to keep him waiting.

"Have a nice chat, DiNozzo?"

"Uh, boss, I don't know what you heard, but..."

"I heard a lot of talking and not a lot of work. Get back to your desk."

"On it, boss."

* * *

Gibbs smirked as he checked his watch. It was nearing lunch time and he still had no idea what Jenny wanted. He pulled out his phone, texting her quickly and when her reply came through seconds later, he frowned.

_Not hungry. Don't worry about it._

He knew she was worried about her upcoming meeting, but that wasn't a valid excuse for her to skip eating. He sat down at his desk, typing as quickly as he could, and he sighed when her response was essentially the same as before.

_Jen, you have to eat something. _

_ Will you just drop it?_

_ Nope. _

_ Jethro, I'm serious. Let it go._

He frowned again, and stood, making his way to the elevator. There was no chance in hell that he was going to drop the subject and as he walked to his truck, he was determined to find something that he knew she couldn't refuse.

* * *

As he walked through Jenny's office door, she glanced at her watch before setting her glasses on the desk.

**-You're early.**

He held up the bags of food he carried and she frowned.

**-I told you that I wasn't hungry.**

"And I told you that I wasn't dropping it. Come on, Jen. You have to eat something."

She glared at him, and he set the bags down on her couch. Sighing, she picked up her glasses again, and resumed reading the report she'd been trying to get through. He pulled out the Styrofoam containers and popped one open, examining the steak as he watched her from the corner of his eye. She still wouldn't look at him, and he sighed, setting his fork down.

"Jenny."

She finally looked up and he met her eyes seriously.

"Please?"

He had her where he wanted her, and he knew it. She could never turn him down when he said "please", and when she took off her glasses, he smiled. She stepped out from behind the desk and gave him a tired smile as she took her place next to him on the leather couch. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he kissed her temple lightly.

She took the offered utensils and as she swallowed the first bite of her food, he noticed the slight wince as she moved. He frowned, looking at her, concerned, and he stopped her from raising the fork again.

"Does it hurt?"

She shrugged and he kept his hand on her wrist.

"Jenny, answer me."

**-Sometimes. **

He reached out to touch the cloth bandage gently, his fingers a mere whisper of contact, and he searched her eyes for answers.

"Why didn't you say something?"

Her eyes met his and he didn't need sign language for her meaning to come through. _Are you stupid_ was clearly written in the emerald depths and he laughed, shaking his head.

"You know what I meant."

She smiled at him and took another careful bite. It hadn't even occurred to him that eating would be painful for her, and he suddenly wanted to kick himself. As it was, he brought his hand to the back of his own head, and the resounding slap made Jenny look at him with wide eyes.

"That was a stupid mistake. I didn't even think, Jen."

Her fingers touched his cheek lightly and her smile told him that she understood. The intercom beeped softly and Cynthia's voice filled the quiet.

"Director, Senator Wilkinson is here."

Setting their food aside, Jenny stood, smoothing out her clothes as she walked, and when she opened the door, she gave her best politicians smile. She met Cynthia's eyes over the Senator's shoulder and fought to keep from smiling at the younger woman's obvious annoyance. It was clear that she didn't care for the man either, and Jenny couldn't wait to hear Gibbs' thoughts on him later.

She held out her hand as she walked back into her office and when she closed the door, Cynthia sent up a silent prayer that Gibbs wouldn't kill the man before the end of the day.

Senator Wilkinson eyed the former marine suspiciously as he sat in the chair across from Jenny's desk and waited. He'd heard of the attack on the woman sitting behind the desk, everyone on the Hill knew about it, but he couldn't fathom why she had another person sitting in on their meeting.

"Director Shepard. I trust you're recovering well. I was devastated to hear about what happened."

Jenny smiled, but Gibbs could see the disgust in her eyes. She nodded and waited for him to speak again.

"Well, as you know, my office is hosting a charity auction and ball in three weeks, and we would be delighted if you would grace us with your presence."

Directing her gaze to Gibbs, he nodded and looked at the Senator seriously.

"That will depend entirely on whether or not Director Shepard is given clearance by a medical professional."

"And you are?"

"Agent Gibbs. Since, as you can see, Director Shepard is unable to speak at this time, I'm serving as an interpreter."

Senator Wilkinson frowned.

"She didn't give you anything to interpret."

"Didn't need to. That much is common knowledge."

He glanced at Jenny and she nodded. Signing rapidly, she had to admit that she enjoyed the look of confusion on the Senator's face as he tried to follow what she was saying.

"She wants you to know that as long as she's given clearance, she'll be in attendance."

What he didn't add was that he was sure they could convince Ducky to lie on their behalf if she really didn't want to attend. The Senator frowned, but nodded.

"Very well. I must say, this is not the way I would conduct things if I were in your place, Director. If you are unable to perform your duties, it might be in everyone's best interest if you stepped down until you're fully recovered."

Beyond furious, Jenny opened her mouth, fully prepared to tell him exactly what she thought of him, and when she saw Gibbs shake his head almost imperceptibly, she frowned.

Right. She still couldn't speak.

Fuck.

She nodded once, and signed a few words to Gibbs and he kept his eyes locked on hers.

"Director Shepard would like me to tell you that your opinion has been duly noted and that the meeting will have to be continued at a later date."

Not entirely believing him, but nodding nonetheless, Senator Jenkins stood and held out his hand to Jenny. She begrudgingly took it and when he had finally left her office, Jenny looked at Gibbs, still furious, but also slightly amused.

**-Why do I feel like I suffered majorly in that translation?**

He smirked.

"I couldn't exactly tell him that you said he was an arrogant ass who should go fuck himself, Jen."

She shrugged, beckoning him closer to her, and when he leaned over the desk, she pulled him to her by his jacket, kissing him gently. Her fingers threaded into his hair and he smiled as he ran his hand over her cheek lightly. He pulled away, kissing her once on the cheek before making his way to the door again. He knew she would want to hear his thoughts on the Senator later, and while he was looking forward to it, he did need to make sure his team hadn't destroyed the squad room in his absence. Tony left unsupervised had a tendency to end badly for McGee.

* * *

As he waited for Jenny to come down at the end of the day, Gibbs found himself thinking about what he'd overheard Tony say to Adkins and Peterson. She really was vastly different outside the office, more like she'd been when they first met, and he found himself feeling more pity for her than he was accustomed to. He'd never realised just how much people disrespected her position simply because she was young and an attractive woman, and frankly, it pissed him off.

The Jenny he knew didn't take shit from anyone, and while that was still certainly true, she was limited now in the ways she could react. He found himself laughing as he remembered the day she'd thrown a stapler at Stan Burley for making an inappropriate comment, and the look on the younger man's face as she'd threatened to staple certain parts of his anatomy to the floor. He was still laughing when he pulled out his phone a minute later and as it rang, he tried to regain his seriousness. He'd just had a brilliant idea, and he wanted to try to put it into action before Jenny appeared.

"Burley."

"Burley, Gibbs."

"Hey, Gibbs! Long time, no see! How've you been?"

"Good. Congrats on your promotion."

"Thanks. So, what's up? Haven't heard from you in...damn, seems like forever."

"Not much new. Got a new boss, though."

Burley laughed.

"Yeah, I heard. Who would have thought? Red really moved up in the ranks. Bet she busted your balls from day one."

He laughed quietly.

"You know it. Can't say I didn't deserve it, though. Listen, got a favour to ask you."

"Sure."

"Jenny's been through quite a lot lately, and I wanted to cheer her up a bit. Any chance you could make it in for a visit?"

Burley was silent for a moment, and Gibbs wondered if perhaps he had made a mistake.

"Yeah...I heard about that. She's okay, though? Physically?"

"She will be. She can't talk right now, but in a month or two, she should be okay."

"That's good. I didn't keep in touch with her after she—well, you know...but I hope she's doing good. Hell of an agent."

"Still is. Broke a suspect's nose not too long ago. Impressed pretty much everyone."

"Damn. Way to go, Shepard. Let me check my schedule, and I'll try to make it back. I'll let you know as soon as I can."

"Take care, Burley."

"Will do. You do the same. And Gibbs?"

"Yeah?"

"I was really sorry to hear about Kate. She seemed nice."

"She was."

He hung up not a second too soon, because as soon as he put his phone back in his pocket, Jenny stepped out of her office, and he smiled as she walked down the steps. Scars or not, she was still beautiful, and he'd be damned if he was ever going to let her forget it.

* * *

Closing her eyes as Ducky stood in front of her, Jenny fought every instinct she had to turn her head away. Gibbs' hand was held tightly in her own as the doctor began carefully removing the stitches in her cheek and she tried to keep from shaking. She'd never been a fan of having sharp instruments = close to her face and when he had finally finished, Ducky gave her a reassuring smile.

"Now, if you could lie back, my dear. We'll get started on the other set."

She nodded slowly, leaning back on the cold autopsy table, and it suddenly occurred to her that not many people could say that they'd lain on one of the metal slabs and lived to tell the experience. She smiled, slightly amused, and Gibbs frowned as he held her hand.

"Something funny?"

She looked up at him, hoping he understood that she'd explain later, and he nodded. Ducky began removing the stitches carefully, not wanting to accidentally hurt her, and he narrowed his eyes in concentration.

"Everything okay, Duck?"

"Yes," Ducky answered slowly, "I'm just trying to concentrate."

Jenny tried not to roll her eyes and Gibbs smirked down at her. It seemed to take ages, but she knew it had only been around half an hour, and when the doctor finally straightened up, he gave her a smile.

"Now, what was so funny, my dear?"

Jenny smiled as she sat up, signing to Gibbs and when he started laughing, Ducky frowned.

"She said not many people have lain in autopsy and lived to talk about it."

"Yes," Ducky replied laughing, "Yes, I suppose you're right."

He looked at her seriously, gently touching her skin, and watching her for any sign of discomfort.

"Are you in any kind of pain?"

She shook her head slowly, signing again and Gibbs frowned.

"Jen...it'll still be awhile."

Ducky frowned.

"What did she ask?"

"Wanted to know when she could try speaking."

Shaking his head, Ducky looked at her sternly.

"Don't even think about it, Jennifer. Not for at least three more weeks. I mean it. You could permanently damage your vocal chords."

She nodded sadly, and signed again.

"She wants to know how bad the scarring is."

Ducky smiled, his eyes kind.

"You'll be pleasantly surprised, my dear. It's not nearly as bad as you'd think. I'd wager that, given enough time, you won't be able to notice it unless you're trying to find it."

Jenny looked to Gibbs for confirmation, and he nodded, smiling at her.

"He's right, Jen."

She nodded slowly, lightly trailing her fingers lightly over her skin. It was slightly raised and though it didn't hurt, it still felt strange and unnatural. She hopped down from the table, hugging the Scottish doctor gently, and she kissed his cheek as she walked out of the room.

"Thanks, Duck."

"Of course, Jethro. I would say anytime, but I'm hoping nothing like this happens again."

"It won't."

Ducky frowned.

"Well, with Harrison still out there, you never—"  
"Ducky. It won't."

The cold seriousness in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by the doctor, and suddenly he understood. He nodded once and Gibbs met his eyes.

"She doesn't know?"

"Nope. Not gonna find out, either. Only ones who know are you, me, and Fornell."

Ducky nodded again, looking at the younger man seriously.

"Jethro, don't take this the wrong way, but how are you handling this? I know how Jennifer's dealing—"

"She's not."

"Precisely. Which is why I want to remind you that you need to take proper care of yourself as well as her. We can't afford to have you both collapse."

Gibbs frowned.

"She hasn't collapsed."

"Not yet. She will. Once the euphoria of survival wears off and she's forced to slow down because she's pushing herself too much...she's going to fall hard. We'll help her the best we can, but you and I both know that you're going to be the one she turns to most. You're of no use to her if you can't take time for yourself."

Gibbs nodded thoughtfully and met his friend's eyes briefly.

"I know you mean well, and you're right about pretty much everything, but there's just one thing you forgot, Duck."

"What's that?"

"I have Jenny. She's always there when things get difficult, and knowing that I can turn to her...it makes everything worth it. We support each other through everything, and she's there when I need someone that understands."

Ducky smiled as he listened to his friend, and Gibbs frowned at the look.

"What?"

"It's good to see you happy, Jethro. It's been such a long time since I've seen you genuinely smile."

Gibbs nodded at him and walked through the doors, wondering where Jenny had disappeared to.

* * *

He found her in Abby's lab, the two enjoying a silent conversation, and when the Goth noticed him, she smiled, waving.

"Hey. What's going on down here?"

"Oh, the Director and I were trying to think of a good place to have your wedding."

He frowned.

"Abs, we haven't even set a date yet."

"I know, but it's exciting! We haven't had an office wedding in years, and especially not one this epic. Everyone's going to want to be there. We need to think about the size of the venue."

**-She does have a point, Jethro.**

He nodded, and placed a hand on Jenny's shoulder. She turned to look at him, smiling as she leaned closer, and he kissed the top of her head.

"When you're finished, let me know. Got something I want to show you."

Jenny nodded, waving goodbye to Abby and when they stepped into the elevator, she raised her eyebrow at him.

**-What is it?**

"In your office. I'll show you."

She glared, blowing a stray strand of hair from her eyes and as he watched her from the corner of his eye, he fingered the small box in his pocket. She exited the lift first and when they passed Cynthia's desk, she stopped them quietly.

"Director Shepard, Senator Wilkinson has been calling and insisting that you give him a date for your rescheduled meeting."

Jenny rolled her eyes for the millionth time that day and nodded.

_**I'll email him later, Cynthia. I'm sorry that he keeps bothering you.**_

The younger woman smiled as she read the note and waved her apology away.

"It's okay, Director. It isn't your fault."

Jenny smiled at her and Gibbs closed the large silver door, leading her to the adjoining bathroom. He flipped on the light, and nodded in the direction of the mirror.

"Fixed it for you."

She smiled, wondering when he had managed that, and nodded.

**-Thanks.**

He shook his head.

"Not done yet."

Turning her around, he forced her to look at her reflection and she sighed. Though it was nowhere near as bad as she had expected, she still couldn't tear her eyes away from the scar on her throat. He pulled out the box from his pocket and opened it, holding out the necklace in his hand. Jenny's eyes widened as she looked at the silver chain and she reached out to touch the delicate emerald and sapphire teardrops. They were inlaid in diamonds and when he fastened it around her neck, she turned to face him, ignoring the tears in her eyes.

**-What's this for?**

He shrugged. It didn't escape her notice that the gems matched both of their eyes, and she smiled at him. He wrapped her in his arms, and leaned closer, his breath warm on her skin.

"That's what it was for."

She arched an eyebrow and him and he kissed her gently.

"I wanted to see you smile, Jen."

Jenny wrapped her arms around him, raising up to kiss him, and when she unexpectedly deepened the kiss, he lifted her slightly off her feet. He backed her up against the door of her office, and her fingers wound into his hair. As much as he wanted to keep going, he knew that it would be safer for them both if he stopped. She frowned as he forced himself to stop kissing her, and he looked down at her seriously.

"We can't, Jen."

**-You don't want me.**

It wasn't a question, but still he shook his head.

"No, it isn't that. God knows, it isn't that. I don't want to hurt you. I would never forgive myself if that happened."

She sighed, but nodded. He was right, much as she hated to admit it, and he raised her chin so she would look at him.

"Let me be absolutely clear: I will _always_ want you, Jen. Nothing in the world could ever change that."

He kissed her again, slower this time, and when her eyes met his, he gave her a brilliant smile.

"I love you."

She brought her lips to his in response, and he held her tightly against his body, his hands tangling in her long hair.

"Besides," he said with a breathless smirk as he released her, "Ducky would murder me if I hurt you."

**-He'd probably kill us both.**

"Very good point."

He watched her as she walked around her desk and when she sighed, he frowned, wondering what had caused her change in attitude.

"What's wrong?"

**-Have to email Senator Wilkinson.**

Gibbs smirked and she glared at him.

"Play nice, Shepard."

**-And if I don't?**

He glared in response and she smirked. She beckoned him over and he read her email, nodding his approval.

**-Glad to know I pass inspection.**

He kissed her temple and spun her chair around so that she was facing him.

"Every time, Jen."

Holding out his hand, he pulled her up from the chair and led her to the door. She picked up her jacket, and as they prepared to leave for the day, he pulled her back against his chest.

"You are the most amazing person I've ever met."

She smiled, then frowned, looking at him suspiciously.

**-What do you want?**

He smirked.

"Just wanted to remind you."

Opening the door, he smiled as they passed Cynthia's empty desk, and when Jenny walked down the steps toward the elevator, Gibbs had never been so proud of the way she carried herself. She still had a long way to go, but he knew that as long as she had the support of the people who loved her, she would be ready to kick ass and take names in no time at all. He'd be damned if he was going to let anything (or anyone) stand in her way.

* * *

**A/N: I'm excited to bring Burley into this. I love writing his relationship with Jenny (or rather, my take on what it could have been). **


	29. Secrets and Lipstick Notes

**A/N: Happy Saturday! Hope you enjoy the latest chapter! In which Jenny finds out a secret Gibbs has been keeping from her.**

* * *

Ducky smiled as Jenny walked into the autopsy room and she returned it warmly. In her hand, she carried a notepad and pen, and when she was near enough, she set it down on one of the metal tables.

_**Where's Jethro?**_

He smiled.

"Got a case. Is there something I can help you with, my dear?"

She frowned, thinking for a moment, and began writing.

_**I'm not sure. I was going to ask him if he still had those sleeping pills he took from me awhile back.**_

"Nightmares?"

She nodded, and he looked at her sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Jennifer. I wish there was a way that I could take them away for you. I'm sure Jethro does as well. If he doesn't still have them, let me know and I can give you another bottle."

_**Couldn't you do that just in case?**_

He shook his head, giving her a stern look.

"I could, but I don't want you to become dependent on them. Those pills can be very dangerous."

She sighed, knowing he was telling her the truth, but not liking the answer. He reached out to hug her gently, and gave her a smile.

"Try not to worry, my dear. Both of the Harrison men are dead, so they can't hurt you anymore. Your nightmares should decrease in time."

Jenny frowned at his words, raising her eyebrow in question. Too late, Ducky realised his mistake and quickly tried to backtrack. She ignored his stammered words, her pen flying across the paper and she slid it slowly across the table.

_**Harrison is dead?**_

He nodded, sighing.

"Yes. I wasn't supposed to tell you."

_**When?**_

"A few days after your attack," he answered quietly.

She didn't ask him who had killed Harrison. They both knew that she didn't need to. She looked at him coldly, nodding once as she turned on her heel to leave the room. Ducky's attempt to stop her were pointedly ignored, and as she stepped onto the elevator, he felt a sense of dread building within his chest. All hell was about to break loose.

* * *

When he walked down the steps of his basement, he frowned at the dim light shining in the room. He hadn't realised Jenny was there, but when she set her glass of bourbon down, her eyes met his slowly. Anger burned in the emerald irises, and he was extremely tempted to turn around and pretend like he hadn't seen her.

"Jenny? What's wrong?"

Glaring at him, she shook her head slowly.

-**When were you going to tell me?**

He frowned, having no idea what she was talking about.

"Tell you what?"

-**Harrison's dead.**

Fuck. He'd thought perhaps he could get away with her never knowing, but it seemed he was sadly mistaken. Taking a step closer to her, he frowned again when she shook her head, stopping his movements.

**-Why?**

"I didn't want you to have another thing to worry about."

**-Bullshit. You weren't thinking about me. This was all about you.**

His own anger was building and he struggled to keep it in check.

"I wasn't thinking about you? Jen, that's all I _ever_ think about. How to help you get through all of this, how to make you happy, how to keep you from self-destructing! Every single thought I have is about you."

Again, her head shook and her eyes flashed dangerously.

**-You wanted revenge. That's why you killed him...isn't it?**

"God damn it, Jen! Of course I wanted revenge. He almost killed you! Or maybe you've forgotten the reason you can't speak. Don't try to make me feel guilty about this, because it's never going to happen. I did this to keep you safe, to make damn sure he would never touch you again."

**-You don't get to decide who lives and dies. You can't take matters into your own hands whenever you want to. There's a line between wrath and mercy, and you can't blow past it any time that it suits you.**

Jenny stood from the stool she had been sitting on, and as she tried to walk past him, he grabbed her arm. She looked up at him and he searched her eyes for the slightest sign of forgiveness.

"Listen to me. It's done, and it can't be changed. You're safe from both of them now, and I refuse to feel sorry about that. I told you if he touched you again that I would kill him. I would do it again. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you. That part I _am_ sorry about. I should have told you."

His eyes were still locked on hers, and finally she nodded. He still hadn't released her arm, and she glanced down at it pointedly.

"Right."

He let go, and she gave him a sad smile.

**-You're wrong, you know.**

Frowning, he watched her as she walked back over to the stool and sat down, crossing her legs gracefully.

**-It's not your job to make me happy. Or keep me from "self destructing", for that matter. I have to be able to do those things with or without you.**

"It might not be my job, but I'll never stop trying. I'm not in this relationship only when things are going good. I want to be able to help you through the dark parts of it, too."

Jenny nodded, but there was still a hint of pain in her eyes.

**-That goes both ways, you know. You can't shut me out because you're worried about upsetting me. That's not how it works.**

Crossing the room, he stopped just in front of her and leaned down, brushing his lips against hers.

"Duly noted."

**-For the record, I'm still mad at you.**

He nodded, kissing her again.

"You're always mad at me for something, Jen. Kinda used to it by now."

She smacked his arm lightly and smiled. He was somewhat surprised that she hadn't argued with him more about Harrison's death, and he wondered if perhaps something else was bothering her.

"Everything okay?"

Frowning, Jenny tilted her head to the side in question, and he continued.

"Normally, you would jump down my throat for something like this, but you let it go pretty quickly. What's wrong?"

**-You're complaining because I **_**didn't**_** fight with you? You're a strange man.**

"It isn't that. I'm worried that you didn't get angrier. It's not like you. I expected a full-blown fight out of this, and it didn't happen."

Though he had a strange way of phrasing it, Jenny knew what he meant. She'd lost her ability to care about pretty much everything, and she sighed.

**-It's...Jethro, I don't care anymore. What's the point? My life could end at any moment, that much was proven by Harrison, so why worry about anything? I hate to admit this, but you really are the only reason I'm still alive. I don't want that to be the case. Not that I don't love you, or that I don't appreciate everything you've given me, but I need to find another reason to want to live. You can't be the only thing in life I cling to. That's not fair to you. It creates too much of a burden for you. That's too much to put on one person, and it's not right.**

Gibbs watched her for a moment before crossing the room and pulling her into his arms. She buried her head in his chest, her fingers closing around his jacket.

"Why didn't you tell me, Jen?"

She shook her head, and he kissed her hair softly.

"I know you said that it isn't fair to cling to me, but...speaking as the clingee, I don't mind. If you need to use me as your reason until you find another one, I want you to. I can't lose you, Jen."

**-I don't want you to be put under that kind of pressure. That's not your job. I told you, I have to be able to be happy on my own.**

"You will. It might take time, but you'll find it. And until you do, I'll do everything I can to help."

He stepped back and kissed her softly, tasting the salt on her lips.

"I love you."

She kissed him in answer, and he pulled her closer. He lightly trailed his lips over her throat and frowned when she pulled away, her eyes downcast.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, kissing his cheek sadly, and stepped away from him.

**-Nothing. I'm just tired. I think I'm going to go upstairs.**

Not waiting for a response, she made her way to the steps, her eyes still glued to the floor, and he watched her go, confused. He didn't _think_ he'd done anything to upset her, and as he picked up a mason jar, he tried to think of a way to help her find her way back from the darkness.

* * *

Jenny wiped away her tears as she curled up on the bed, and pulled the blanket tighter around her. She hadn't expected to feel the wave of self-consciousness wash over her as Gibbs had kissed her skin, but it had happened regardless. Before Harrison's attempt on her life, she had loved to feel his lips on her throat, but the raised scar made her feel more disgusting than she'd felt in months. She was marked, permanently, and she felt tainted, no matter how many times she tried to push the feeling away.

She didn't look up as Gibbs walked into the room and when he laid next to her, she turned her body away, unable to face him. He frowned, looking at her seriously, and placed his hand on her shoulder gently.

"Jenny, what's going on?"

She shook her head, and he sighed.

"Talk to me. Please."

Finally, she turned and met his eyes briefly. He could see the tears shining in them, and she sighed.

**-I feel so disgusting. It's stupid, I know, but...**

She stopped signing, unable to stop herself from crying, and he pulled her into his arms.

"Is this about the scar? It doesn't matter. You're absolutely stunning, and you always will be. The scars you have are proof that you're an incredibly strong woman, and that you can survive anything. You should be proud. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me, Jen. I've got plenty of scars myself, you've seen them. You've touched them without flinching. Do my scars have any effect on how you feel about me?"

She shook her head, wiping away the tears on her skin.

"Exactly. Yours don't change how I feel about you, either. You are the strongest, most beautiful person I know, and nothing will ever change that."

Raising up to look at him, she ran her fingertips lightly over his face, and he kissed her. She pulled him closer, and when his hand slid under her shirt, she gasped. His fingers found the clasp of her bra and unhooked it, giving him easier access to her breasts. Her head fell back as he rolled her nipple between his fingers, and she bit down on her lip to keep quiet. She wasn't sure how she would be able to keep from screaming if they kept going, but she couldn't deny that she wanted to find out.

She pulled his shirt from his body, running her hands over the expanse of his chest and her own shirt quickly followed. Her already undone bra fell from her shoulders and he lowered his head to her breasts. He slid her skirt down her legs, pulling her underwear with it, and she frowned.

**-You seem to be vastly overdressed.**

He smirked, and her fingers quickly undid the button on his jeans. He kicked them off, boxers joining them in the pile on the floor, and he brought his lips to hers in a deep kiss. Trailing his hand down her body, he let his fingers dance over her inner thigh, and she drew in a sharp breath. His tongue traced patterns on her throat, making her shake, and she had never wanted to scream so badly.

He slipped his fingers into her, kissing her as her body jerked against his and his tongue found hers in a fight for dominance. Her hips ground into his hand as he touched her, and he bit down on her bottom lip. When he removed his fingers, he knew she wanted to stop him, but as he entered her carefully, her grip on his shoulders tightened. One of her hands wound into his hair and her hips met his every thrust as he moved. He touched her as her lips found his throat and she bit down to keep the moan from escaping her. Her breath came in short gasps and though he wanted nothing more than to hear her scream his name, Gibbs was extremely proud of her restraint.

His rhythm was faltering now, and he knew he was close. He brought his lips to close to her, running his tongue over the shell of her ear, and she shivered. Her body arched into his, and he knew she wouldn't last much longer. She pulled him closer, crashing her lips against his and as her body trembled against his, he knew she had fallen over the edge. A few more thrusts and he joined her, and he smirked as an idea came to him.

He pulled out of her, quickly sliding his fingers into her again, and when she jerked in his arms, he smiled. He kept his movements fast, flicking his thumb against her as he curled his index and middle fingers and when her second orgasm ripped through her body, she gripped his free hand so tightly that he worried the bones would break. At last, her grip loosened, and he smiled as he kissed her again.

"I love you," he whispered.

**-I love you, too. **

She stood on slightly unsteady legs and he frowned as she walked away.

"Where are you going?"

**-To take a shower. **

"Need any help?"

She shook her head, smiling at him warmly, and he laughed quietly as he heard the lock slide into place.

* * *

As much as she had tried, Jenny couldn't contain her excitement as she sat in her office. Ducky had finally given her permission to try speaking again, and while it had been painful at first, she had managed it without much of an issue. Her voice had been slightly hoarse, nothing she hadn't expected, and she couldn't wait to see the look on Gibbs' face when she told him. She hadn't decided how she was going to do it yet, but when he walked into her office, she arranged her features into what she hoped was a neutral expression.

"Need your signature."

She sighed, nodding and held out her hand. He placed the folder into it and she skimmed over the piece of paper, frowning. Raising her eyebrow in question, she looked at him and he shrugged.

"Agent Lee said we needed you to approve it, so here you go."

She signed the paper, handing it back to him with a slightly annoyed look, and he smiled.

"By the way, the team wants to drop by after work. Something about re-doing our engagement party since the last one was ruined."

She nodded, and he kissed her cheek as he leaned over her desk. He gave her another smile as he walked toward the door and she smiled. This was her moment.

"Jethro?"

He turned.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

He opened the door and Jenny smirked, waiting. He froze just as he took a step out of her office and whipped around, shutting the door again. Crossing the room in three steps, he stopped in front of her desk, his eyes wide.

"Jen..."

She smiled at him and he walked around to the other side of her desk, pulling her up from the chair. He wrapped his arms around her, and she closed her eyes as her head rested on his chest.

"Say it again," he murmured into her hair.

"I love you."

He kissed her hard, and when he broke away, he searched her eyes seriously.

"Ducky gave you clearance?"

"This morning."

"Does it hurt?"

"It did at first. I'll probably still have to take it easy for a few days."

He hugged her close again, and couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. Her voice had never sounded so beautiful to him, and when she tapped her nail against his shoulder he glanced down.

"Jethro, I can't breathe."

He released her, and kissed her again. She lightly pushed him back and nodded her head toward the door.

"Don't you have work to do, Agent Gibbs?"

"I'll get right on it, Director."

Her laugh as he walked through the door was the best sound he'd heard in weeks.

* * *

Gibbs couldn't stop staring at Jenny as she sat in his basement sipping a glass of bourbon. She could feel his eyes on her and frowned as she set her glass on the table.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just so glad to hear your voice again."

She blushed slightly and as he walked over to kiss her, loud footsteps overhead made them look to the stairs. Knowing that they could only belong to the members of his team, Gibbs smiled and kissed her quickly. Her smile as he pulled away was brighter than the sun and he gave her one of his own as the voice of Abby Sciuto filled the room.

"Hi, Gibbs! Hi, Director Shepard!"

"Hey, Abs."

"Hi, Abby."

The Goth's eyes widened at Jenny's greeting and Tony looked to McGee and Ziva in surprise.

"Director! You can talk again!"

Abby hugged her gently and when Ducky walked down the stairs, his warning preceded him.

"Yes, but you're not to over-strain yourself, Jennifer."

"So, no yelling at Jethro?" she asked with a smile.

"Absolutely not."

Gibbs smirked and as they began opening various bottles of liquor, Jenny smiled as she took a drink of her bourbon. Her emerald eyes glanced upward as she heard another set of footsteps from upstairs and she frowned.

"Who else is coming? The team is right here."

"Surprise for you, Jen."

She frowned at him, and when her eyes landed on the figure at the bottom of the steps, they lit up instantly.

"Burley?"

"Hey, Red. Long time, no see."

He opened his arms and she ran to hug him, unable to keep the smile from her face.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighbourhood. Decided to stop by. Congrats on the promotion."

Abby hugged him next and Ducky reached out to shake his hand. His eyes landed on McGee and Ziva, both who had remained silent and he nodded.

"McGee. Good to see you again."

"Stan. Hope you've been good."

He nodded, holding out his hand to Ziva.

"Stan Burley."

"Ziva David."

Tony finished his beer, clapping the agent on his shoulder.

"What's up, Stan the man? Heard you got a promotion, too."

He nodded.

"Yep. Not as impressive as Shepard's though."

Jenny smiled and walked back to the table, picking up her drink again.

"How'd you ever manage that, Burley? You were as bad as DiNozzo when it comes to being immature."

He raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Hey, you were the one who super glued my phone to my ear, Red."

"Yeah, after you put a tarantula in my desk."

McGee frowned.

"Where'd you get a tarantula?"

"I know a guy," was Burley's vague answer.

"How'd you super glue his phone to his ear, Director?"

Jenny smiled, recalling the memory fondly.

"After he went to the restroom, I covered the receiver with glue and as soon as he came back, I had Decker call him before it could dry. Once it did, he was stuck."

Tony smirked, thinking. Ziva recognised the look in the other man's eyes and frowned.

"Leave McGee's phone alone, Tony."

"You do it, and I'll slap you so hard that you'll forget your own name," Gibbs warned.

Tony pouted.

"You let her get away with it," he protested, pointing to Jenny.

"He let Red get away with a lot of things."

"No, I didn't."

Jenny shook her head.

"I think I still have a bruise on the back of my head from that one."

Gibbs glared at her and she shrugged. Burley took a beer from Tony, cracking it open, and when Jenny spoke next, she couldn't hide her amusement.

"Least I wasn't the one who was hiding on top of a bed from a snake."

Burley frowned.

"It was a fifteen foot boa, Shepard! And if I recall correctly, you were standing on top of the chair."

"Yeah, but I didn't scream like a little bitch," she quipped.

Gibbs snorted and Tony laughed into his drink.

"No, you just screamed for Gibbs and jumped in his arms when he shot it."

Jenny nodded her head in acceptance and took another drink.

"Fair enough."

"You guys were trapped with a boa constrictor?" Abby asked, "I would have loved that."

"Of course you would have," McGee said dryly.

Abby smacked him lightly, and held up her drink.

"Guys, let's have a toast."

"To what?" Ziva asked.

"Um..."

She trailed off, and Ducky gave her a smile.

"To Jethro and Jennifer's engagement," he supplied helpfully.

Burley spit out his drink, and began coughing. Every head turned to look at him and when he had finally regained his breath, he looked between the redhead and the team leader.

"Your _what_?"

"You didn't know?" Ducky asked.

"You're getting married? When did you get back together?"

"Awhile ago," Jenny answered with a smile, "Don't feel bad, Burley. You always were a little slow."

He frowned, glaring at her and Ducky laughed.

"She's right, you know. You and William didn't even know they were together until the night of your little drinking game that you made me an unknowing participant of."

"Drinking game?" Tony asked.

Burley nodded.

"We all had to take a shot of alcohol every time Ducky said "I believe". It was a fun night."

"You guys must have gotten so wasted," Abby laughed.

"You have no idea," Jenny said, "Burley and Decker passed out in the living room."

"You and Gibbs had more fun than we did," Burley replied.

Ducky laughed and Jenny blushed profusely. Ziva looked at her knowingly and Tony raised his eyebrows in shock.

"What happened, Stan?"

"Decker heard them through the wall. That's how we found out."

They all looked to Gibbs, who merely shrugged and Jenny took a long deliberate drink of her bourbon.

"To be fair, it was obvious to anyone with half a brain," Ducky quipped.

Gibbs laughed, and Burley glared at him.

"It was?" Jenny asked.

"Yes. You never were very subtle, Jennifer."

Gibbs nodded.

"Got a point, Jen."

She tilted her head in defeat and reached for the bottle of bourbon. Her eyes found Burley and he winked at her.

"So, when's the wedding?"

"Haven't set a date yet," Jenny answered.

"What's it like, being Director? Bet you spend most of your time yelling at Gibbs, right?"

"You have no idea," Tony said quietly.

"Fights are legendary. People take bets."

Burley laughed, draining the last of his beer and opening another one.

"Sounds like nothing's changed. How'd you end up back together? Last I knew Gibbs, you were divorced again and Shepard was in the Middle East."

She nodded.

"I was. That's how I met Ziva. We worked together and she saved my life in Cairo. After I finished my work there, I came back to DC and was offered Morrow's position. He warned me that there was an agent who I might have difficulty with, and I knew he was talking about Jethro. No one else causes me anywhere near the trouble he does."

Gibbs shrugged, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"You still love me."

"Sometimes."

Jenny paused, smirking at him.

"Anyway, after I came back, I told Gibbs that there would be no "off the job" and we agreed to keep things strictly professional."

Burley snickered.

"That didn't last long."

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not really. After Jenny was attacked, I knew I couldn't risk losing her again."

Burley nodded, looking at Jenny seriously.

"I heard about that. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"I think you two are good for each other. You're both stubborn and somehow, it works."

Gibbs smirked and Jenny drained her mason jar again. By his count, it was her fifth drink and he watched her warily. It was around this amount that she began to get even more chatty and he didn't want her to risk injuring her vocal chords.

"Jen, maybe you should slow down."

Burley smiled.

"She lets you get away with calling her that now?"

Tony frowned.

"She didn't before?"

"Nope. Always hated it when he did that."

"To be fair, you're the only one who ever calls me "Red", Burley."

He nodded in her direction and finished another beer.

"Damn, I gotta call Decker now. He owes me twenty bucks."

Jenny frowned.

"Why?"

"I bet him eight years ago that you two would end up married. I won the bet."

Jenny's eyes narrowed.

"You made a bet about my personal life?"

"Uh-oh," Ducky murmured, "Stanley, I would run if I were you."

Before Gibbs could stop her, Jenny had picked up his sander and launched it across the room at Burley. It hit him square in the head and McGee let out a low whistle.

"Nice shot, Director."

Ziva smirked and excused herself, saying that she needed to get home, and Tony stood.

"I'll give you a ride. I only had one beer."

"Be careful," Ducky called out as they walked up the steps.

"Not like Ziva's driving. We'd definitely die."

"My driving is not that terrible."

"You nearly took out an old woman with a walker on the way here."

"I was not even close to her!"

As they continued to bicker, Ducky turned to Burley.

"Remind you of someone?"

They both looked at Jenny and Gibbs, laughing when the pair frowned.

"Tony and Ziva? Really?"

Abby smiled and nodded her head.

"They're going to be the next wedding. I can tell."

"What about rule number twelve?" McGee asked.

Jenny frowned.

"What's rule number twelve?"

"Never date a co-worker," McGee and Abby said simultaneously.

Turning to Gibbs, Jenny looked at him seriously.

"Since when?"

"Made that one after you left," he said quietly.

She nodded, reaching for his hand. He took it in his and raised it to his lips. Burley reached for another beer and Jenny frowned.

"Are you afraid they're going to stop making beer?"

He shrugged.

"Haven't seen you guys in a long time. Figured I would celebrate."

Abby laughed and as Jenny watched them with a loving gaze, she felt Gibbs wrap his arm around her.

"See, Jen? You have more than me to make you happy," he whispered in her ear.

She turned to him, kissing him gently, and Burley groaned.

"Get a room, guys."

Jenny flipped him off and when she jumped down from the stool to tackle him, Gibbs couldn't stop himself from laughing. She pinned his arm behind his back and McGee stared at them open-mouthed.

"Gibbs, little help?"

"You're on your own."

He struggled for a moment, and when he finally gained the upper hand on her, he tossed her over his shoulder. She glared at him, her hair falling into her face, and she hit his back with her fist.

"Boss, should we—"

"Shush, McGee. This is getting good," Abby said, watching with an amused gleam in her eyes.

Jenny hit him again and Burley smirked.

"Don't make me drop you, woman."

"You do, and you're dead."

He finally set her back down on her feet and she gave him a smug grin.

"Knew you would give up."

"In your dreams, Red."

"You're definitely _not_ in my dreams, Burley. You wish."

Gibbs could tell, from the way she swayed slightly, that Jenny was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol she had consumed. He reached out to pull her to him, and when she leaned into his embrace, he smiled.

"Think we might need to call it a night."

Ducky nodded, and stood.

"Stanley, Abigail, you're with me."

"Ducky, I'll give Abby a ride home," McGee offered.

He nodded, and they slowly began walking to the steps. Jenny called out to Burley before he could get too far, and when he turned, she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

"It was good to see you again, Stan. Don't be a stranger."

He nodded, kissing her cheek.

"Take care, Red. And congratulations on everything."

She hugged him again and waved as he walked away. She carefully made her way back to Gibbs' work table and he gathered her into his arms again. Kissing the top of her head gently, he smiled down at her as she trailed her nails across his chest.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

She looked up at him, pulling him down to her and kissing him deeply. Her fingers threaded through his hair and when her tongue found his, he groaned.

"Jen..."

"Let's go to bed."

He swallowed thickly and nodded, allowing her to pull him up the stairs. He lifted her easily into his arms, and when he tossed her onto the bed, she blew her hair out of her face.

"In a hurry?"

He nodded, crashing his lips onto hers, and when his tongue swept into her mouth, she moaned. It had been so long since he'd heard her voice so low and it was almost enough to undo him then and there. He wanted to hear her scream his name, wanted to hear her moan in pleasure and he brought his lips to her throat. Her clothes were quickly removed, and his mouth trailed down her body. He dipped his tongue into her warm heat, and she cried out, gripping his hair tightly.

Jenny couldn't think through the haze of pleasure that his mouth was creating, and as he sped up his movements, her hips jerked upward, making him smirk.

"Jethro...please. Don't stop."

He hummed in response and the vibrations of his voice made her moan. She shattered beneath him and as she whispered his name, he kissed the inside of her thighs. He slid into her slowly and began to move as her hands gripped his shoulders tightly, her lips brushing his ear as she kissed his throat. His name fell from her lips in a ragged moan and he kissed her again, his movements becoming more desperate. It didn't take long for her to fall over the edge again, screaming his name, and he rested his head against hers as he struggled to regain his breath.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"You're amazing."

"You aren't so bad yourself."

He smiled, kissing her breathlessly and he tried to move off of her. She shook her head, looking at him through slightly damp hair.

"Don't move."

He frowned.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. Just for a minute."

"Why?"

"I'm committing it to my memory. The way you look right now. I don't ever want to forget it."

He ran his hand through her hair and smiled as he rolled to the side of the bed. She rested her head on his chest and as her nails traced light circles on his skin, he made his own mental picture of the way she looked in his arms.

* * *

Gibbs frowned at the coffee cup sitting on his desk as he returned from Abby's lab, and when he picked it up, he smiled. Words written in familiar handwriting gleamed up at him in deep crimson lipstick and Tony frowned at the uncharacteristic smile on his team leader's face.

_Jethro, _

_ Sorry about the mark on your neck. I'll make it up to you. I love you._

_ Jen _

He took a drink from the cup and wondered how he hadn't noticed the mark she'd left on his skin as he'd gotten dressed for work. Fortunately, it seemed no one else had either, and he smirked as he made his way to the stairs. Cynthia attempted to stop him as he walked past and he sighed.

"She's in MTAC, Agent Gibbs."

He shook his head.

"Just leaving her a note on her desk."

The younger woman nodded and he walked in Jenny's office, searching for a pen. As he quickly scrawled his message, he laughed softly, propping it up where she would be sure to see it. He narrowly avoided being seen by the very woman he was seeking as he walked back into the bullpen and Tony's voice was loud in the room.

"Boss, is that a hickey on your neck?"

The head slap was inevitable, really.

* * *

Picking up the note on her desk, Jenny smiled at the words as she read them, and ran a hand through her hair.

_Jen,_

_ I'd be happy to return the favour tonight. I love you._

_ Jethro_

She laughed as she poured a good measure of bourbon into a glass and sank behind her chair. She knew that he would kill her if he caught her drinking so heavily at the office, and she was immensely glad when she heard that his team got a case twenty minutes later. She would never admit that she'd gone through nearly an entire bottle of bourbon in one day, but she knew that if he asked, she wouldn't be able to lie. Her hands continued to shake as she finished her drink and when she had downed two more in less than fifteen minutes, she was thankful to feel the familiar tingling in the ends of her fingers that signaled a pleasant buzz.

God, she hoped he wouldn't be able to smell it on her when she finally went home for the night.

* * *

**A/N: Jenny's heading into dangerous territory here. Should be interesting. Let me know what you think!**


	30. In the Storm

**A/N: Here we go! In which we see Jenny's drinking increase, and Gibbs gets suspicious. And Jenny finds a way to entertain herself at the Senator's charity ball.**

* * *

Draining the last of the drink, Jenny sighed as it burned a path down her throat. It was the night of Senator Wilkinson's charity auction/ball, and she really wanted nothing more than to ignore it and spend the night wrapped in the arms of a certain silver-haired agent. She finished putting on the last touches to her makeup as said agent walked into her office and whistled as he looked at her.

"See something you like?" she said quietly.

He nodded, his eyes roaming over the dress she wore appreciatively. It hugged her body in all the right places, revealing just enough to drive him (and every other man, he was sure) wild. The deep royal blue accented her porcelain skin perfectly, and made her emerald eyes stand out more than they usually did. Her heels, so impossibly high that he wasn't even sure how she could stand in them, made her legs look longer than ever, and he wanted nothing more than to feel them wrapped around his body.

For once, her lips were painted in a colour that was hardly distinguishable from her own natural tone, and if it weren't for the slight shimmer, he wouldn't have known she was wearing lipstick at all. It was a different choice for her, as she usually opted for red lipstick for these events, and he frowned slightly.

"What?"

"Your lipstick."

Her puzzled eyes met his, and he continued.

"Usually you go for red."

She nodded, smiling as she stood, making her way carefully over to him. Her lips met his in a deep kiss and when she stepped back, there was a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"This way, if you were to...insist on pulling me away from the crowd, I don't have to worry about it being noticeably faded."

He smirked, kissing her again.

"You're brilliant."

Her eyes trailed up and down his body, admiring the deep blue suit he wore, and she smiled. He noticed the look in her eyes and tilted his head slightly.

"Something wrong?"

"Nope. I love when you wear blue."

He frowned.

"Why?"

She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Brings out your eyes," she murmured.

He brought his lips to hers again, fighting the urge to tangle his hands in her carefully styled hair, and she moaned quietly. Pulling back, he tried to ignore every impulse he had to lock her door and take her where they stood, and she looked into his eyes knowingly.

"Later, Jethro," she promised.

"Holding you to that."

She nodded, and took a step back, worried that if she didn't put some distance between them that she wouldn't be able to stop herself. Making her way to the door, she looked at him seriously and he met her eyes evenly.

"Try not to kill anyone tonight."

He nodded.

"No promises, Jen. But I'll try."

* * *

As he watched Jenny carefully from his place by the door, Gibbs frowned when she took another glass of champagne from the waiter. Checking his watch, he was surprised to find that only an hour and a half had gone by. It felt like it had been an eternity. Perhaps that was why she was already on her fourth drink. He couldn't blame her for wanting to make it more bearable, but still...

She showed no outward sign of intoxication, and while he knew that probably had more to do with the low alcohol content of the drink than anything else, it still made him uneasy. He'd have been lying if he'd said he hadn't noticed a drastic depletion of his bourbon supply lately, and though he really had no room to talk about alcohol consumption, he was worried. True, Jenny had always been able to hold her liquor remarkably well, but it did little to ease his mind. Now was neither the time nor place to discuss it, however, so he made a mental note to talk to her later.

Excusing herself with a smile, she made her way over to him and he nodded his head in greeting.

"Agent Gibbs."

"Director Shepard."

"You wouldn't happen to have the time, would you?"

He glanced at his watch, frowning.

"21:45."

She nodded and gave him a smile.

"Thank you."

"You walked all the way over here to ask me what time it was...ma'am?"

Raising her eyebrow at his slightly sarcastic tone, Jenny met his eyes fully.

"Not even close."

Her eyes flickered to the hallway and he nodded. They walked down the hall, and paused just outside of the small bathroom door, Jenny glancing around to make sure they were alone.

"You _are_ my security detail," she pointed out, "What if there's an armed gunman waiting in one of the restrooms?"

He smirked, her meaning clear.

"You make a valid point, Director. Let me secure the room."

He opened the door, making a show of checking to see that it was empty, and when he nodded his head, she followed him inside.

"All clear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

He reached out to lock the door behind her, and her hands immediately found his waist. Pulling him as close as she could, she kissed him hard, her tongue finding his urgently. She pulled his bottom lip between her teeth, and he groaned quietly, his hand gripping her tight enough to bruise.

"Thought you said later," he growled.

"It _is_ later."

She had a point. After all, who was he to argue? Her fingers undid his belt, sliding under the waist band of his suit, and when she touched him, his hips jerked of their own accord. She wrapped her hand around the hard, hot flesh and as she began moving her hand up and down, his lips found her throat. His mouth claimed hers, and he could taste the sweetness of the champagne she had consumed, making her kiss even more intoxicating.

She moaned softly as his hand found her breast and kissed him harder. She was finding it difficult to breathe, but as long as he kept touching her, as long as his lips were on hers, breathing wasn't really important. She gasped for air when he finally broke away, and she slid his clothing down his legs. Her hand still moved over him, and when he reached down to grab her wrist, she frowned.

"Won't last long if you keep that up," he explained.

She nodded, slipping her heels off and carefully kneeling down on the floor. He was just about to ask her what she thought she was doing when her lips wrapped around him and he had to throw his hand over his mouth to keep quiet. She steadied herself on his legs as he leaned back against the wall, and as she slowly licked her way up to his head, he clenched his fist tightly.

He tried not to move, but god...she was _good_...her teeth gently brushed over him and he groaned into his hand. Her name fell from his lips in a ragged whisper, and she took him in deeper, trying not to smile. His hips moved again, and he glanced down, hoping he hadn't hurt her, and when she realised what he was doing, she slowly released him.

"Don't hold back, Jethro," she murmured, her lips warm against his skin.

"I don't want to hurt you."

She looked up at him, her eyes dark with desire, and it was almost enough to break him.

"You won't."

She kissed his inner thigh lightly, and licked her way up, her tongue swirling around his head. He hissed in pleasure and she smiled.

"Do it, Jethro. I want to feel it."

He nodded, and she took him in again. She'd already pushed him so close to the edge that it didn't take him long to find it again, and as she moved her mouth slowly downward, he couldn't stop himself from thrusting into her. It was a completely different sensation, and he closed his eyes. He'd never allowed himself to move before, always concerned with hurting her, and when she moaned around him, he moved faster.

Jenny moaned again as his speed increased, and when she knew he was close, she reached for his hand. She brought it to her throat, letting him feel the muscles move as she swallowed, and he moaned her name through clenched teeth. She straightened up slowly, and he pulled her to him, kissing her hard. He could still taste the sweet champagne, but underneath it, now there was a hint of salt, and he smirked. Two could play at this game.

He lifted her easily, setting her on the sink, and carefully pushed the skirt of her dress up. It was too form-fitting for him to simply crawl under, and so he pooled the satin around her waist, hooking his fingers in the lace underwear she wore.

"Jethro..."

He shook his head, smirking at her.

"My turn."

She nodded silently, and as he brought his mouth to her inner thigh, she sighed, her hand reaching for his hair. As soon as his tongue brushed against her, she covered her mouth with her free hand, and a low moan fell from her lips. He dipped his tongue into her slowly, savouring the sweet taste of her, and when he flicked it against her clit, she cried out sharply. He worried for a moment that they would be caught, and suddenly an idea came to him. He pulled off his tie, rolling it up and he straightened, looking at her seriously.

"Open."

"You're not serious."

"Very."

She did as he asked, and he placed the ball of silk into her mouth. It took a few moments for her to become accustomed to the feeling and when she finally nodded, he settled back down between her legs. His tongue moved in and out, slowly at first, and as she gasped above him, he increased his speed. He thought about what she'd said about feeling him thrust into her mouth, and he moved his lips to the skin of her inner thigh again.

She frowned as he paused, and he looked up at her seriously. Her eyes were clouded with lust, and he stood again. His lips brushed her ear and she shivered at the contact.

"Do it, Jen. I want to feel it."

Her earlier words repeated to her made her shake and she nodded as he moved back down her body. His tongued swept over her and she jerked without even meaning to. He could hear her muffled moans around the silk tie, and he smiled. He blew lightly over the sensitive skin and her hand tightened in his hair. He sucked her clit in between his teeth and her hips ground into him as he moved his tongue faster.

She came with a loud scream, even through the tie in her mouth he worried that it was enough to get them caught, and he smirked. He didn't stop moving, and when she screamed again, weaker this time, he began to slowly bring her down. She moaned quietly, her breathing harsh and ragged, and when he finally stopped, he noticed just how violently she was shaking. When he removed the tie from her mouth, she immediately pulled him in for a kiss, and he moaned as her tongue found his. She could taste herself on his lips and it was enough to make her dizzy.

As he pulled away, he glanced at his watch, hoping they hadn't been gone too terribly long and was relieved to find that only twenty minutes had passed. She reapplied her lipstick, and frowned as she looked at the tie in his hand.

"How are you going to explain that?"

He shrugged.

"I'm just the security detail. No one will even notice it's missing."

She pointed to the automatic dryer on the wall.

"You could always try that."

He nodded, and smiled.

"You're just full of great ideas tonight, Director."

She kissed him chastely on the cheek and unlocked the door.

"Be discreet."

He pointed to his tie.

"It'll be a few."

She swept through the door, and as he attempted to dry the tie under the hand dryer, he frowned. Not that he hadn't immensely enjoyed what had just taken place, but he couldn't help wondering if she had only done it because she'd been drinking. True, they'd been known to sneak off before, but she'd never been quite so insistent about it. Maybe this was something he needed to worry about after all.

* * *

When he found her again, she was standing next to Senator Wilkinson, a careful smile on her face, and he smirked. He could see the disdain in her eyes and she glanced around the room, searching for a way out. Her eyes landed on his tie, and she smirked as she raised her champagne glass to her lips. He nodded his head in her direction, and he knew she was trying to keep from laughing.

She excused herself from the Senator, and made her way over to him, her eyes dancing.

"I see you managed to fix it."

He nodded.

"Nothing major."

"Time?" she asked innocently.

"22:30."

She nodded and looked at him seriously.

"I think I've had enough of that man for one night."

He didn't even need to ask who she was referring to. Nodding, he gave her a smile.

"You could always call it a night."

"That's exactly what I had in mind. Give me five minutes."

She turned on her impossibly high heels and made her way around the room. Watching her charm politicians was something he had always admired about her, even though he hated every other aspect of these events. She managed to make it seem effortless, though he knew she hated it just as much as he did, if not more. He'd already made up his mind to talk to her about the events of the night when they reached his house, and he hoped it didn't turn into a major fight.

* * *

Jenny smiled at him in the mirror as she carefully removed the pins from her hair. His eyes met hers briefly, and when he wrapped his arms around her from behind, she turned to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, Jethro."

"For?"

"You made an otherwise dull evening very enjoyable."

He nodded.

"You're welcome."

She finished pulling her hair down, and he ran his fingers through the fiery tresses.

"Got a question for you."

She raised her eyebrow, waiting, and he continued.

"Not that I'm complaining, but...why'd you do it?"

"It's not like we haven't done that before," she reminded him.

"Yeah...but something about it seemed different this time. I can't really explain it. Almost like you wanted to get caught."

She frowned, sidestepping him into the bedroom, and she looked at him expectantly. He unzipped the back of her dress and she smiled in thanks, stepping out of it as it pooled at her feet.

"What are you saying?"

"Jen, you had six glasses of champagne tonight in less than two hours. Maybe the alcohol made you a bit more reckless."

"You kept track of my drinks?"

He shrugged.

"Had to. Didn't want you getting so drunk that you couldn't walk. Not at an event like that."

She laughed.

"Jethro, it was champagne. Watered down champagne at that. I would have had to drink twelve or more for that to happen, and even I'm not that stupid."

He frowned, watching her as she slipped into his old NIS shirt. He loved the way she looked in it, the way it hit just at the top of her thighs, and she ran her hand through her hair.

"Never said you were stupid, Jenny. I just want you to be safe."

She nodded, walking closer and reaching out to touch his cheek gently.

"I know. It's okay. There's nothing to worry about."

He leaned down to kiss her gently and she sat down on the bed. It wasn't long before she had curled onto her side and he laid down next to her, pulling her into his arms.

"Speaking of tonight...you were beyond incredible."

He shrugged, kissing her hair.

"What can I say, Jen? You bring out the best in me."

She smiled, moving closer to his warmth and ran her fingers lightly over his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Struggling to carry the three bottles of bourbon down the stairs at once, Jenny was beyond thankful that Gibbs was currently in the shower. She knew that if anyone saw her, she would look like a madwoman, but she'd needed to replace the bottle she'd emptied the night before. One bottle to replace his, one for herself, and the third was merely a security measure. She set them on the work table, breaking the seal on one, and pouring two mason jars full. She knew he'd be down as soon as he dressed, so she might as well have a drink prepared. She downed hers quickly, pouring another so fast that she hardly had time to register the first and when her hands finally stopped shaking, she sighed in relief.

She frowned as she looked at the boat he'd been building, and walked closer to it. Nearly finished now, she smiled sadly as she ran her fingers over the lettering of the name. She'd had to fight back tears when he'd told her that he was going to name the boat _Kelly_, and she raised her eyes to the ceiling, hoping the tears wouldn't fall now.

"I hope you know how much he misses you guys. And I promise that I'm not trying to take your place. I would never do that. I'll try to take care of him, though."

Her whispered words were loud in the silence, and when she heard the water shut off upstairs, she poured another drink. She sank down under the boat, lying back on the wood, and stared up at it much in the same way as she had stared at the stars as a child. Footsteps signaled his arrival, and she smiled, but didn't move.

Gibbs frowned as he scanned the basement, sure that Jenny had said she would be there, and he called out her name.

"Over here."

He leaned down, looking at her curiously as she laid underneath the boat, and frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at your boat. I never realised how much talent and work goes into building one. This is beautiful."

He smiled, and held out his hand. She took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet and she brushed off the sawdust from her clothes. Noticing the mason jar on the table, he frowned.

"Yours?"

She shook her head, pointing to her own glass.

"Mine's there. That one is for you."

He nodded, and reached for it. She hoped he couldn't tell that she'd already had three full mason jars, and when she kissed his cheek, she smiled.

"How was your shower?"

"Very wet."

She laughed.

"I would hope so, otherwise you failed miserably."

Jenny picked up her own glass, taking a long drink and when he noticed that she didn't even shudder, he frowned. No matter how much she had drank in the past, she'd always flinched as the taste of the bourbon hit her tongue. She downed it quickly, and reached for the bottle again.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Is something wrong?"

She frowned, looking at him confusedly.

"No, why?"

"Just wondering why you're trying to drink yourself into oblivion."

Jenny smiled, her eyes trying desperately to reassure him.

"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted a drink."

He nodded, searching her eyes to see if she was lying. Her right eye had remained still, but something still told him that she wasn't being entirely honest with him. He decided not to push the issue, however, and she raised up to kiss his cheek.

"I think I'm going to go read for awhile."

"Gonna go spend time with Heathcliff and Cathy?"

She laughed.

"Not tonight. I don't feel like dealing with another brooding man. One is enough."

He smiled as she walked up the stairs, her mason jar still in her hand, and when the basement door closed behind her, he sighed. Something was definitely bothering her.

* * *

As she watched Gibbs pour coffee into his cup before work, Jenny frowned. Her hands had been shaking so badly that she'd had difficulty with the buttons of her blouse that morning, and it was beginning to get on her nerves. She waited until he had gone to find his jacket to grab her own coffee cup and when she rummaged through the cabinet under the sink, her eyes lit up as she found the bottle of bourbon. Pouring it into her cup, she left just enough room for a small amount of coffee and when Gibbs returned to see her filling the remainder with Jamaican blend, he smiled.

"What?"

"I remember a time when you wouldn't touch black coffee."

She smirked.

"You're a bad influence, Jethro."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

He kissed her gently, and handed her the light jacket she'd asked him to bring. She smiled as she pulled it on, and when she took a drink from her cup, she grimaced at the taste.

"What's wrong?"

"Just hot," she said quietly.

"You're supposed to drink it slowly."

She rolled her eyes and he laughed.

"I think I know how to drink coffee, thank you very much."

"You're the one burning yourself here, Jen."

"Shut up."

He laughed again, and she grabbed her purse from the table.

"If we're late, it's coming out of your paycheck, Agent Gibbs."

He pulled her to him as she walked past, his lips close to her ear.

"That might not be a good idea, Director."

She frowned, raising her eyebrow.

"Why not?"

"My fiancee might have a problem with my boss docking my pay."

She smirked, pulling out of his grasp.

"I think she'd understand."

"I dunno. She's a redhead. Got a short fuse and a fiery temper."

"She sounds great."

He nodded, a mock serious expression on his face.

"Oh, yeah. She is, but she can be a real pain in my ass sometimes."

Jenny laughed.

"Maybe you're just as bad as she is."

"You're probably right."

"I usually am."

He kissed her, holding her close as he wrapped his free arm around her, and when they finally broke apart, he flashed her a smile.

"Let's go, Director. Wouldn't want to risk making my favourite redhead angry."

"Not if you value your life."

* * *

Placing her head in her hand as she signed off on yet another report, Jenny reached for her coffee cup blindly, hoping it would help her focus. She was dismayed to find it empty and she ran her hand through her hair sadly. She stood up slowly, preparing to make her way to the door and she frowned as she glanced down. Her feet were bare and she didn't even remember slipping off her heels as she'd worked. Carefully putting them back on, she walked past Cynthia's desk, pausing to greet her with a smile.

"How does the schedule look for today?"

"Looks like you're free after 10AM, ma'am."

Jenny smiled.

"Thank you, Cynthia. I'm heading down for coffee, would you like anything?"

The young assistant shook her head.

"No, thank you. I'm not much for coffee."

Jenny nodded.

"I'll be right back."

She swept past, reaching the catwalk just in time to hear Gibbs tell his team to move out, and as he stood by the elevator, his eyes met hers. She nodded at him, and when she made it to the last set of steps, he gave her a smile. She returned it, heading for the nearest coffee maker, and as she walked, she pulled out her phone.

_Be safe. I love you_

She poured a small amount of coffee into her cup and made her way back up to her office. As she walked around behind her desk, she filled the remainder of the cup with bourbon and placed the decanter back on the shelf. She sank down into the high-backed leather chair and took a slow drink, trying to figure out if there were any way she could manage to sneak in a nap before her phone conference at 10. It didn't seem likely, and she sighed. Oh, well. At least she had a drink to pass the time.

* * *

Gibbs smiled as he read Jenny's text and quickly replied, but knowing her, it would be awhile before she saw it. He tried to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that was telling him something was wrong with her, and as his team climbed out of the van, he forced himself to focus on the crime scene they'd just come across.

Maybe, just this once, his famous gut was wrong.

* * *

As soon as Jenny hung up the phone, she pulled her cell to her, anxious to read Gibbs' reply. She'd noticed the message just before her conference, and knowing that it was waiting for her had made the last half hour pass excruciatingly slow. She smiled as she opened the text and took another drink. The liquor coursing through her veins was beginning to make her slightly dizzy, and she had to blink several times to focus.

_I love you, too. Dinner tonight?_

She smiled as she read the words and decided that it would be best if she waited to answer his question. She didn't want to distract him from his work and as she laid her head down on her desk, she couldn't fight the wave of exhaustion that swept over her. Not that she'd tried very hard.

* * *

_Shawn Harrison's face loomed above her and as she scrambled backward, she collided with something solid. Whipping around, she was horrified to discover another body lying on the ground next to her, and as she reached out, it was obvious that they had been dead for quite some time. Pure horror filled her entire being as she realised that she recognised the body behind her, and as she screamed, she couldn't stop the tears from falling._

_ "Heather? Heather, please. Please wake up."_

_ She knew, even as she begged, that it was useless and the scream from across the room made her blood run cold._

_ "Aunt Jenny! Aunt Jenny, help!"_

_ Jenny bolted to her feet, only to be yanked backward by rough hands._

_ "Not so fast, Jenny."_

_ Jonathan Harrison's voice was cold in her ear and she closed her eyes._

_ "Don't hurt her. Please. Whatever you do, please don't hurt her. She's just a little girl."_

_ "I don't know, she's awfully pretty, Jenny. She'd make a nice addition to my collection."_

_ "Your...your what?"_

_ He pointed to a place just behind his brother and Jenny's eyes widened in fear. She recognised the bodies of Abby, Ziva, Burley, Tony and McGee in the pile, but the last one, those blue eyes she knew so well...she couldn't stop the scream that tore from her throat._

_ "Jethro! No! No..."_

_ She sank down, Harrison's grip holding her up, and Shawn brought the blade of a knife, __**her knife**__, she realised with a jolt, to Tori's small throat._

_ "Don't. I don't care if you kill me, but leave her alone. She's just a child!"_

_ Tori's tear-filled eyes locked on hers, and the fear was so strong that it was nearly palpable. Jenny struggled against the younger Harrison, and as Tori screamed, she only fought harder. The blade of her knife sliced across the child's throat before Jenny could blink and she screamed again, unable to tear her eyes away from the blood pouring onto the ground. Shawn dropped her body, the sound echoing in Jenny's ears, and as he knelt in front of her, he gave her a bloody smile._

_ "I'll see you in Hell."_

Jenny's eyes flew open, and her breath came in short, frantic gasps as she tried to remind herself that it was only a dream. Her hands were shaking more violently than ever, and as she tried to stop crying, she leaned forward in her chair. Painful sobs tore through her body and she pulled her knees up in the chair, laying her head down.

Though she knew it had only been a dream, though she knew without a doubt that both Harrison men were dead, it had felt so real that she was having difficulty coming out of it. Reaching for her phone, she quickly dialed Heather's number, praying she would answer.

"Hello?"

Thank God.

"Heather, it's Jenny."

"Jenny! Oh, my God...it's so great to hear your voice! Are you okay? You're out of the hospital now, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Listen...I know this might seem like a strange question, but...is Tori okay?"

"Yeah, she's great. Want to talk to her?"

"Could I, please?"

A slight shuffling filled her ear and a few seconds later, she heard the excited voice of her niece.

"Hi, Aunt Jenny!"

"Hi, sweetie. How are you?"

"Fine. We're going on a field trip to the zoo at school tomorrow!"

"You are? That sounds like fun."

"Yeah When can I come visit again?"

Jenny smiled, touched that the little girl wanted to see her again.

"Soon, sweetie, I promise. Let me talk to your Mommy again, and we'll talk about it."

"Okay! Bye, Aunt Jenny! Love you!"

"Love you too, Tori."

"Hey, Jenny. Told you she's fine. What gives?"

Jenny sighed, running her hand through slightly damp hair. She reached for her drink and downed half of it in one drink, placing it back on the desk.

"Nothing, I just...I had a pretty bad nightmare, and it shook me up. I'll tell you about it later."

"Okay...hey, are you and Jethro free this weekend?"

Jenny frowned, thinking.

"I'm pretty sure his team is on-call, but I'll have to check."

"If not, we'd love to have you guys over for Tori's birthday party. She's been dying to see you both."

Jenny smiled.

"I'll definitely see if I can move some things around. Anyway, I'm sorry I bothered you like this. I just had to be sure everything was okay."

"Don't worry about it. Talk to you soon, okay? Love you."

"Love you too, Heather."

She hung up the phone, taking another drink of her coffee/bourbon mix, and when she finally felt herself begin to calm down, she sighed. Now, she remembered why she'd avoided sleeping so much.

* * *

Gibbs smiled as he walked into his favourite redhead's office when he returned to the building, and when he saw her look of concentration as she typed on her computer, he laughed.

"Important email?"

"No, trying to see if I can have another team on-call for this weekend."

He frowned.

"How come?"

"Tori's birthday party is on Saturday, and Heather invited us."

He smiled.

"Sounds fun."

"Well, Tori loves you and would love it if you were there."

He walked closer to her desk and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

"She loves you too, Jenny."

She nodded slowly, having finally found a way to change the rotation and smiled up at him. He pulled her glasses from her face and she laughed indignantly.

"Jethro!"

"You never answered my text about dinner, Director. That could be considered bad manners."

She smirked.

"You were busy. I was waiting until I knew you were back here. And then you came barging in before I could respond. Who's being rude now?"

He nodded in agreement and kissed her cheek again.

"Fair enough. So, dinner?"

"Are you asking to go out for dinner, or asking if I'm planning on eating any?"

"Yeah."

She laughed, reaching for her glasses and he backed away, holding them out of her grasp.

"Jethro, your idea of going out to dinner usually includes some form of take-out."

"True, but I can make an exception."

She thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. He frowned and looked at her seriously.

"I don't think so, Jethro."

"Something wrong?"

"I..." she trailed off, unsure of how to continue, "I don't feel much like going out tonight. I had a pretty bad nightmare earlier, and I would really rather just stay in and spend the night with you in your basement."

He nodded, his eyes searching hers intently.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later."

He set her glasses down on her desk and she reached for the decanter of bourbon. She poured a small amount in a glass and passed it to him. Accepting it slowly, he took a small sip and handed it back to her, watching as she polished it off quickly.

"If you change your mind and want to talk before we leave..."

She nodded, leaning across her desk to kiss him softly.

"I know. Now, go back to work."

He smirked.

"Yes, ma'am."

He closed her door quietly behind him and she picked up the decanter again. As she finished her fourth drink of the day, she wondered how on earth she was going to explain such a violent dream to him. She only hoped she could get through it without breaking down.

* * *

**A/N: Next chapter is Tori's birthday party! Will Jenny manage to keep her drinking under control for one day or not? Honestly, I have no idea. I haven't written it yet. Hope you liked this one!**


	31. What We've Become

**A/N: Hello, my fantastic readers! Here's the next chapter! The next one will be posted on Saturday. In which we see Jenny and Gibbs navigate Tori's birthday party amidst a raging addiction, and Gibbs tries to help.**

* * *

Gibbs took the box that Jenny held out to him with a frown, turning it over in his hands.

"What is it?"

Jenny sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"It's Tori's birthday present. Heather and I both got one just like it when we turned seven, and I want to give her one."

He nodded, handing it back to her, and when she set it carefully on his work table, he smiled.

"Want me to personalise it for her? I can paint her name on it, make it special."

Jenny smiled, kissing him gently and nodded.

"That would be nice. Thank you."

He kissed her again, and when they broke apart, she reached for the mason jar of bourbon. He frowned as she emptied it and poured another. He wasn't sure how to broach the subject with her, and so he had stayed silent, but she'd already had six drinks that night. He was beginning to grow more concerned, and though she had seemed fine, he knew Jenny well enough to doubt her.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Everything okay?"

She nodded, smiling at him reassuringly, and took a slow drink. Her eyes were bright with alcohol, and he wondered if she was going to be sick.

"Jen...what's going on?"

She frowned, looking at him as though the question was utterly ridiculous, and he sighed.

"That's your seventh bourbon tonight."

"And?"

"Don't you think you should slow down?"

She glared at him, eyes flashing dangerously, and he prepared for the screaming match that he knew was coming.

"I'm fine, Jethro! Don't make a big deal out of nothing. If I want to have a few drinks, it's really none of your business."

"It's not just a few drinks. Don't you see it? You're even drinking at the office, and—"

"How dare you? You come home in the middle of the workday to drink bourbon and work on your damn boat because it helps you think! Or did you think that I didn't know about that?"

"Jen, I—"

"I am not going to stand here and be lectured by a hypocrite like you about something that—"

She broke off, her eyes wide, and he frowned, taking a step closer to her.

"Jen?"

She held up her hand, turning on her heel and bolting for the stairs. Her frantic steps were loud above his head and he set his sander down, unsure of whether to go after her. Finally, he decided to walk up the stairs, under the pretense of needing coffee, and when he passed the bathroom, a violent retching reached his ears. He shook his head sadly at the sound, making his way into the kitchen, and when she appeared in the doorway a few minutes later, he met her eyes evenly.

He poured her a cup of coffee and held it out silently. She took it slowly, wiping away tears that had fallen as she'd thrown up, and he noticed for the first time how thin she was.

"Thanks," she said quietly, indicating the cup.

He nodded, taking in every detail of her ragged appearance. Her tangled red hair fell just below her shoulders, framing eyes so hollow that it scared him, and the paleness of her skin only made the dark circles under her eyes more pronounced than ever. She looked as though she hadn't slept in years, and though he'd known her nightmares were bad, he hadn't realised just how much they'd affected her.

She brought the cup upwards, and he was suddenly aware of how badly she was shaking. Hot coffee spilled onto her hand, and while she jumped at the sensation, she didn't seem to notice the burn. He reached for a towel, wiping her hand after she'd set the cup down, and he frowned at the now-red skin.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, staring at her hand as he cleaned it.

"It doesn't hurt."

"Like hell it doesn't."

Smiling sadly, she gave a small laugh.

"Okay, yes. It hurts, but...I don't mind. It's a good thing."

He frowned.

"What?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

He looked at her seriously, cobalt locking on emerald, and he frowned again.

"Jenny...you haven't been..."

He sighed, unsure of how to ask her.

"Haven't been what?"

"Where's your knife?"

She gave him a knowing smile and shook her head.

"No, Jethro. I haven't."

Pulling up the sleeves of her shirt, she showed him the smooth white skin of her arms, and he was relieved to see that the only scars marking them were from years ago. He nodded, gesturing to her legs. She slowly rolled up the fabric of her sweats and he let out a sigh of relief. Her past history with self-harm had always worried him, and he was more than thankful to see that she hadn't fallen back into old habits.

"How long has it been?"

"Five years."

He kissed her cheek and met her eyes seriously.

"I'm proud of you."

She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled sadly.

"I never really thanked you, by the way."

"For?"

"You could have turned me in to Morrow when you found out. Gotten me taken off your team and sent to a psychiatrist. But you didn't."

He shrugged.

"That wouldn't have helped. Besides, I needed you on my team to keep Burley and Decker in line."

She laughed.

"Still...other than that...why didn't you? I could have been a liability to you. An emotionally unstable young woman who deals with her pain by bottling it up and then when she can't take any more, she cuts into her own skin? That could have been a nightmare."

He frowned, considering her words for a moment. She made a valid point.

"Because...as selfish as it sounds, I wanted to help you. I wanted to be the one that you trusted enough to talk to when you had a problem. I loved you even then, and I wanted to keep you safe. Even from yourself."

She smiled, and then when she laughed softly, he frowned again.

"You bastard. You wanted to be the knight in shining armor who rescued the damsel in distress."

He laughed, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"Something like that."

"Yeah, well this damsel in distress is your boss now. So suck it up."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Oh, shut up."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and smiled as his fingers slipped into her hair. They stood in comfortable silence for awhile and when he spoke next, his voice was cautious.

"Jen...I meant what I said. I want to be the person you trust enough to talk to when something is wrong. I know you don't think there's a problem, but you've been drinking way more than—"

"Stop. Nothing is wrong. I can handle myself. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."

She pulled out of his embrace and kissed his cheek lightly, reaching for her now-cold coffee. She poured it down the sink and walked quietly to the door, throwing him a look over her shoulder.

"I'm going to bed. Good night."

He nodded, and she disappeared up the stairs, leaving him wondering how he had messed up a conversation so badly in so little time.

* * *

Jenny was practically knocked off her feet as Tori hugged her as soon as Heather had opened their front door. She laughed at the child's excitement and wrapped her arms around her tightly.

"Aunt Jenny! You came!"

"Of course I did. Brought someone with me, too."

Tori let go of her, her eyes searching for Gibbs, and when she saw him walking up to the house, she ran past them, throwing herself on his legs.

"Jethro! You're here!"

He picked her up in one arm, her present held safely in the other, and kissed her cheek.

"Wouldn't miss it, Tori. Happy birthday."

"My birthday isn't until Monday," she pointed out.

"Well, happy birthday anyway."

Her eyes landed on the box in his hand and she smiled.

"Is that for me?"

"Yeah, but you can't open it yet."

Heather and Jenny both smiled, watching him with Tori was more heartwarming than they had expected, and Jenny suddenly wondered if he was remembering Kelly's past birthdays. He set her back on the ground and she ran back up to the house, grabbing Jenny's hand.

"We have cake, Aunt Jenny! And ice cream. Come on!"

She laughed as she was pulled through the house and Heather shook her head.

"Tori, go play with your friends. Let Aunt Jenny breathe for a bit."

"But Mommy..."

"Now, Victoria."

She pouted slightly, but let go of Jenny's arm. Jenny leaned down, giving her a smile, and kissed her on the cheek.

"Don't worry, we can play in a little while."

The child brightened and nodded, running off to find the friends from school that she had invited. Heather took the box from Gibbs and set it with the others on a nearby table and gestured to her couch.

"Please, sit down. She's just excited."

Jenny waved her words away.

"She's a little girl, Heather. Remember how we were at that age."

"Where's David?" Gibbs asked, looking around.

"Oh, he's out back cooking. Any excuse to barbecue and he's happy."

Gibbs smirked. Heather made her way into the kitchen and Gibbs sat down next to Jenny on the couch, wrapping his arm around her.

"Would either of you like a drink?"

"Sure."

"Beer okay?"

"Fine," Jenny answered, laying her head on his shoulder.

She knew he would be watching her, but she really didn't care. She intended to have a nice day, and he was going to be the last thing that ruined it.

* * *

Hours later, after eating cake, ice cream, and a pork tenderloin that Jenny would have sworn was cooked by God Himself, Tori was sitting in the living room, preparing to open her gifts. She had already decided that Jenny's was the first one she wanted to see, and when her mother handed it to her, she immediately began tearing the wrapping paper.

Her eyes widened when she saw the smooth wooden jewelry box, complete with a tiny lock on the outside, and when she touched it, she couldn't stop smiling.

"It's so pretty! Can I put anything I want in it?"

"You sure can. Your Mommy and I both have one like it."

Tori turned to her mother, her eyes wide.

"You do?"

Heather nodded.

"I'll show it to you later."

"Yours is special, Tori. Open it."

She took the key that Jenny handed her and as she opened the lid, she gasped in shock. The letters of her name gleamed up at her in shiny black paint, accented by flowers and vines, and Jenny reached for Gibbs' hand as she fought back tears. She hadn't seen the work he'd done on the box, and it was beyond breathtaking.

"Wow..." Tori whispered, "This is for me? Really?"

Jenny nodded, still clinging to his hand.

"Yeah. I found it and polished it, Jethro painted it."

"You did this?" Heather asked with a smile.

Gibbs nodded, and David leaned closer to examine it.

"Did you make the stencils yourself, or buy them?"

"Neither," he answered.

"Freehand? Damn. I'm impressed."

"It's beautiful, Jethro," Jenny whispered.

He shrugged, kissing her hand.

"It was easy. I'm glad you like it, Tori."

Gibbs and Jenny were both knocked backward as Tori launched herself at them in a hug and Jenny laughed breathlessly.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome, Tori."

She climbed off of them, returning to the center of the room to open more presents and Gibbs carefully helped Jenny to an upright position. She smiled gratefully at him and when Tori had finally finished, she stood and ran towards the back door.

"Let's go play tag!"

The children made a beeline for the backyard and Heather smiled at her sister in thanks.

"That was a great idea, Jenny. She loved it."

Jenny shrugged, the gesture so like Gibbs that he smiled as he watched her.

"I figured...it seems to be a tradition in our family, might as well carry it on."

The adults all made their way to the kitchen, each pausing to grab another beer and Gibbs fought the urge to sigh. She'd had eight beers so far, and while the alcohol content wasn't nearly as high as their usual bourbon, it was still a bit much. She wasn't dangerously drunk yet, but he knew if he didn't stop her soon, they would be past the point of no return.

"Aunt Jenny, come play tag with us!"

Jenny smiled, tipping back her beer, and shook her head.

"Maybe later, Tori."

"Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top? Pretty please with—"

"Alright! Okay, I'm coming," Jenny laughed, standing up from her chair.

Gibbs watched her as she walked into the back yard, checking for any signs that she was too intoxicated for this. She was slightly unsteady as she moved, but he supposed that could be a result of the uneven ground, and as he took a drink of his own beer, Heather came to sit next to him.

"Thank you for coming today. I know it must be hard."

He shook his head, smiling at her.

"Not as hard as you'd think. If it had been ten years ago, I would have never even come within fifty feet of a child, but it gets easier to bear with time."

She nodded, watching as Jenny swept Tori into her arms and spun her around, laughing.

"She seems happy. Happier than I've seen her since our Dad died."

He watched Jenny pretend to not see Tori as she hid behind a tree and when Tori jumped out at her, she screamed dramatically, much to the child's delight.

"I got you, Aunt Jenny! I scared you!"

He laughed as Jenny swung the child over her shoulder and Heather smiled as she took a drink.

"Tori absolutely loves her. And you."

He nodded.

"She's a great kid, Heather."

"Are you two...are you planning on having any of your own?"

He shook his head.

"Nah. We talked about it, but we decided not to. We'll just spoil yours."

Jenny walked over, brushing her hair out of her face and reached for her beer. She was disappointed to find it empty and when she walked away to retrieve another, Gibbs sighed.

"What?" Heather asked.

He shook his head.

"Nothing."

Jenny returned, positioning herself gracefully on his lap, and Heather smiled.

"I'm really glad you could make it, Jenny."

She nodded.

"Tori would have never let me live it down if I hadn't. Might have even tried to kidnap me."

Gibbs snorted.

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"Shut up, Jethro."

He shrugged, draining the last of his beer and when he pulled hers from her hand, she frowned.

"Really?"

"To be fair, you're sitting on me. Can't exactly go get another one."

Nodding, Jenny wrapped her arm around his neck and when he finally passed the bottle back to her, it was nearly empty. She frowned, but finished it anyway, and set it down on the table. She was slightly uncoordinated and the bottle slipped on the glass tabletop, pitching her forward. Gibbs tightened his hold on her, managing to keep her from falling, and Heather frowned.

"You okay?"

Jenny nodded, and Gibbs frowned again. Her face had drained of all colour, and she stood, making her way quickly inside. She nearly crashed into David as he joined them with another plate of food, and he watched her go, concerned.

"She okay?"

Gibbs nodded, standing.

"Yeah. Be right back."

* * *

Finding Jenny just where he knew she'd be, Gibbs knocked gently on the bathroom door and when she opened it, he noticed the tears streaking down her face. She wiped them away, glaring at him as she rinsed out her mouth with mouthwash, and when she pushed past him, he tried to grab her arm.

"Jen—"

"Save it. I don't want to hear it."

She made her way back into the kitchen, pausing to grab a plate of food, and when she reached for a drink, he grabbed her wrist.

"Enough, Jen."

She jerked her arm away, her eyes cold, and he shook his head.

"You've already gotten sick once today."

"I'm fine."

He grabbed her arm again as she tried to reach for the beer bottle and he glared at her.

"You're not fine. You're drunk. Again. And we're leaving."

"You don't own me, Jethro. You don't get to tell me when or where I'm going, or when to stop drinking. You of all people have absolutely no room to talk."

He sighed, searching her eyes, willing her to listen.

"Jen, it's your niece's birthday party. Do you really want Tori to remember this as the day you passed out in her back yard because you were so drunk you couldn't stand?"

She held his gaze for a long moment, and finally she nodded. Her eyes were colder than he'd seen in awhile, and she jerked her arm from his grasp.

"Fine. We can leave, but you'd better think of a good excuse."

He nodded, and she took a tentative bite of the food she'd picked up. He walked past her to the back yard and she followed seconds later, brushing her hair back from her still-pale face.

"Jenny, are you okay?"

She gave her sister a weak smile and nodded.

"Yeah, but I think we'd better call it a night. I'm going to say goodbye to Tori."

Walking carefully to the group of children, Jenny leaned down and hugged her niece, her arms wrapping around her gently. Heather looked to Gibbs, a concerned look in her eyes and she spoke softly.

"Is it her illness?"

Gibbs frowned, unsure of how to answer.

"She's just not feeling well."

There. It wasn't an outright lie, and if her sister chose to believe it was a result of Jenny's illness, then he had no control over that. Perhaps it would even be better than the truth.

"Thanks again for having us, though, We had a great time."

David held out his hand, and Gibbs took it. He hugged Heather gently, and offered her a smile. When he smiled, she could understand exactly what it was that Jenny saw in him.

"Tell Jenny I hope she feels better," David said.

He nodded. Jenny walked back, hugging her sister tightly, and she smiled as she stepped back.

"Thanks for inviting us, Heather. "

"Of course. I hope you feel better. Get some rest."

Jenny nodded, and Gibbs wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He knew she likely wanted to hit him, but it wouldn't help their cover story if he didn't play the part of concerned fiance. He led her through the house and as soon as they had gotten into his truck, she rounded on him.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?"

He frowned.

"What?"

"You couldn't just leave well enough alone, could you? I had everything under control until you decided to make a national emergency out of it."

"Jen..."

"No! Don't "Jen" me! You can't control my life just because we're in a relationship."

"I'm not trying to—"

"You've got a funny way of showing it!"

"I just want to help you, Jenny!"

She laughed bitterly.

"You can help me by leaving me alone."

He sighed, putting the truck in gear and as they drove away, Jenny stared angrily out the window.

* * *

When she opened her eyes the next morning, Jenny sighed as her hand brushed over Gibbs' side of the bed. The blankets were still pristine, further proof of their argument, and as she slowly changed her clothes, she wondered if perhaps she had taken it too far. Still, as she remembered the way he had acted at Tori's party, her anger returned and she made her way down to the kitchen in search of coffee. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of the nearly-empty pot and she knelt down, rummaging under the sink. If he was going to be petty about this, she could do the same.

She poured the last of the bourbon into her coffee cup, also emptying the last dregs of coffee from the pot, and as she stirred it slowly, she frowned. Downing the drink quickly, she grabbed her purse and keys, not even bothering to leave him a note as she slammed the door behind her. Two could play at this game.

* * *

Jenny hadn't been back to her house since Harrison had nearly killed her, and as she stepped through the front door, she was suddenly very afraid of what she might find. She deliberately avoided the kitchen, not ready to face it, and as she walked into her study, she sighed shakily. Her fingers closed around the full decanter of bourbon, and she quickly filled the tumbler, admiring the way it sparkled in the glass. Her eyes closed as she swallowed the burning liquid, and when she sank down behind the desk, her head fell on the wood slowly. How had things gotten so messed up?

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he walked into the bedroom, wondering where Jenny had gone. She'd been asleep when he'd looked in on her early that morning, but now she was nowhere to be found. Her purse and keys were also missing, and he wracked his brain, trying to think of where she could have decided to go. Sighing, he turned to make his way into the kitchen and when his eyes landed on the empty bottle of bourbon by the sink, he frowned.

He hadn't even known that there had been any alcohol upstairs, and his worry increased as he realised that Jenny must have hidden it there. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quickly dialed her number, not even sure if she would answer. Just as he was about to give up, he heard a click, and her breathless voice came on the line.

"Shepard."

"Where are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You weren't here when I came upstairs. Where'd you go?"

She sighed.

"You don't have to keep tabs on me, Gibbs. I'm fine."

He frowned at the use of his surname, but chose not to question it.

"Are you at Heather's?"

"No. Now, if you don't mind, I'm busy."

"Jenny—"

The click in his ear was final, and he sighed, running his hand through his hair. At least she was safe. Or, at least, safe enough to answer the phone. Somehow, the thought wasn't as comforting as he'd hoped it would be.

* * *

Jenny frowned as she drained the last of the bourbon in the decanter, and glanced around her study curiously. There wasn't any liquor anywhere else in the room and she sighed, standing up slowly. Perhaps she had more in the kitchen. Deciding that she would have to face the room sooner or later, she took a deep breath and prepared to enter the small space. There was no sign of the violence that had ransacked the room the last time she had been in it, and she could only assume that Gibbs had been responsible for cleaning it.

She searched through the cabinets, coming up empty-handed, and when her eyes landed on the wine glass on the shelf, she frowned. Picking it up slowly, she tried not to remember the last time she had touched a wine glass in this set, and she closed her eyes hard. Her hands shook violently, and she threw the glass on the ground, screaming as it shattered. She could feel Harrison's hand on her arm, could feel the cool of the knife at her throat, and she grabbed another glass.

The crystal flew around the room as she threw glass after glass to the ground, and when she finally stopped screaming, her voice was hoarse. Angry tears fell from her eyes and she sank to her knees, not even caring about the small pieces of glass embedded into her skin. Her breath painfully tore from her chest in harsh gasps and she began screaming again. She slammed her hand onto the ground, and tried to pretend that she didn't notice how dizzy she had become.

She didn't hear the front door opening, but when the shadow fell over her as she sobbed on the floor, she shivered.

"Jen?"

Gibbs knelt down next to her, taking her hand gently in his, and began pulling out small shards of glass.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head, leaning into his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"Come on. Let's get you out of here."

He carefully lifted her out of the shattered glass and led her into the living room. Settling in next to her, he began examining her face, checking for any cuts or abrasions. When he was sure there were no severe injuries to attend to, he tilted her chin up, looking into her eyes seriously.

"Talk to me, Jen. What's wrong?"

"I...I needed to go into the kitchen. It hit me so fast, I could feel his hands on me, I could feel the knife...I just..."

She stopped, unable to stop crying, and he held her gently, kissing her hair. She was shaking so much that he wasn't sure she could breathe, and when he tried to push her back to look at her, she grabbed his shirt tightly.

"Don't. Don't let go."

He nodded, kissing her hair again, and she buried her head in his chest.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

Her voice was muffled by his body, and she moved closer.

"I'm sorry. About yesterday."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

She shook her head, her hair sticking to her damp cheek.

"I...I think I have a problem."

He said nothing, holding her as close to him as he could, and waited for her to continue.

"I thought that if...if I kept drinking, I could ignore the pain. I could pretend that it didn't bother me. That almost being killed didn't affect me. I thought...God, Jethro, I'm so sorry. I treated you like shit, and you don't deserve that."

He kissed her hair again, nodding slowly. He'd known, even if only subconsciously at first, that she'd been spiraling out of control, and he cursed himself for letting it happen. It had been right in front of his eyes, and he'd ignored the signs, choosing instead to believe even her most transparent lies, her weakest claims of being fine. He'd wanted to believe her, wanted to take her strong exterior as fact, and so he had.

He shifted slightly, staring into emerald eyes shining bright with tears, and reached out to touch her face gently. She stared straight ahead, and he frowned before he realised why she wasn't looking at him. If she moved her eyes in any way, her tears would fall, and she didn't want that to happen. He kissed her cheek and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"I thought I could handle it. I thought I could stop..."

She blinked, and a tear escaped her eye, rolling down her face. She made no move to wipe it away, and she took a deep breath.

"I _can't_," she gasped, her voice breaking.

Gibbs ran his thumb under her eyes gently, and she closed her eyes at the contact. He held her close, running his fingers through her hair, and she looked up at him, her eyes locking on his.

"Jethro?"

He raised his eyebrow in question, and she held his shirt with white fingers.

"Help me," she moaned, her voice low and desperate, "Please."

He nodded, kissing her softly, and stood. He pulled her up a bit harder than he meant to, not realising just how drunk she was, and she stumbled, falling against him heavily. His arm wrapped around her waist, steadying her and she moaned at the sudden movement. Her breathing hitched, and she swallowed thickly as she moved away from him, stumbling to the bathroom. She dropped to her knees, leaning her head against the porcelain, and as she retched, he swept her hair over her shoulder.

There was nothing in her stomach, save for the copious amounts of alcohol she had consumed, and when she had finally stopped heaving, she curled up on the floor. Gibbs watched her sadly, rubbing circles on her back, and as she moved her head into his lap, she moaned again. Her eyes closed, and he slowly helped her into a sitting position.

"Can you stand?"

She nodded slowly, not wanting to move too fast, and he stood, carrying her with him. She leaned into him for support, and he took a few steps. She was still too unsteady to walk, and she faltered, crashing into the sink, her hip cracking against it painfully.

"Easy, Jen."

When it became apparent that walking was futile, he carefully lifted her into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest. She moaned as he walked, and when he made his way to the door, she frowned.

"Where are we going?"

"Home," he said simply.

Too weak to truly process what he had said, Jenny merely nodded, closing her eyes against the bright light as they approached his truck. He set her down carefully in the seat and clicked the safety belt into place around her, kissing her cheek lightly. He drove slowly, not wanting to risk making her sick again, and when they pulled up in front of his house, he wasn't surprised to find that she had passed out. He carried her into the house and laid her on the couch, going into the kitchen to prepare a pot of fresh coffee. The next few days were going to be brutal, and he knew he would need a steady supply of caffeine if either of them had any hope of getting through it.

* * *

**A/N: If anyone would like to read about Gibbs finding out about Jenny's self-harm back-in-the-day, let me know, and I'll post it. Just a one-shot, but if it's something you're interested in reading, I'll put it up. Hope you enjoyed! Until Saturday, have a great week, everyone!**


	32. Breaking the Habit

**A/N: I know I said I wouldn't post the next chapter until Saturday, but I had an extra day off from work. Hope you enjoy. In which we see Jenny dealing with the withdrawl from giving up alcohol, and Gibbs tries his best to help.**

* * *

The moment Jenny opened her eyes, she moaned at the bright light streaming through the front window. She had absolutely no idea where she was, nor how she had come to be there, and at the moment, her head was pounding too much for her to really care. She could hear movement in the room next to her, quiet she was sure, but to her mind, it was unbearably loud. As she threw her arm over her eyes to attempt sleeping, soft footsteps approached and the couch dipped as someone sat next to her.

"Hey."

She moved her arm, warily opening her eyes again, and when she saw the familiar face, she offered him a weak smile.

"Hi."

"How do you feel?"

She moaned, rolling her eyes, and he laughed quietly.

"Coffee's in the kitchen."

She nodded, but made no attempt to move.

"What do you remember?"

Searching the foggy corners of her mind, Jenny frowned as she tried to piece together the events of the day.

"Glass. Broken glass."

He nodded, waiting.

"I...I remember talking to you. Throwing up in my bathroom. Did—did you carry me to your truck, or did I imagine it?"

"No, it happened. You need to start eating more, by the way. You're way too light."

She smiled sadly.

"I'll get right on that."

"Do you remember what you told me? What you asked me to do?"

She ran her hand through her hair, thinking hard. After several minutes, she nodded and closed her eyes.

"I asked you to help me."

"Mhmm. With what?"

He needed her to say it, needed her to acknowledge it when she was sober, otherwise this was never going to work. She sighed, unable to meet his eyes, and her voice was a mere whisper as she answered.

"I have a drinking problem."

He nodded, reaching for her hand, and when she raised her eyes to his, he wasn't surprised to see the tears in them.

"How did this happen, Jethro? How did it get so out of control?"

He moved closer to her, gently pulling her body into his lap, and he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Slowly. And then all at once."

She didn't answer, instead turning her body so that she was facing his chest and sighed. He could feel her shaking as he held her, and she slowly sat up, looking at him with hollow eyes.

"Jethro?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry. This shouldn't have happened."

"Maybe not, but it did. And I'm going to do everything I can to help you."

"I'm scared," she whispered.

He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I know. It's okay to be scared. I'd be worried if you weren't."

Standing, he held out his hand and when she took it, he carefully pulled her to her feet. She was still unsteady as she stood, and he knew that she needed to replenish the fluids in her body before she became severely dehydrated. He led her slowly into the kitchen, pouring her a glass of water and she frowned.

"Thought you said there was coffee."

He smirked.

"I did. Water first, then coffee."

She nodded, taking a long drink from the glass. He watched her carefully, looking for any sign that she was going to be sick, and as she took another drink, he gave her a reassuring smile. When he passed her the cup of coffee he'd been drinking, she smiled as she brought it to her lips.

"I knew there was a reason I loved you."

"Because I make great coffee?"

She nodded, sipping it slowly.

"Among other things."

He laughed and she sighed as the rich liquid began to alleviate her blinding headache. Maybe she could get through this after all.

* * *

Groaning in frustration as she paced back and forth, Jenny ran a shaking hand through her hair. She'd finally gotten all traces of alcohol out of her system, and now the aftershocks were driving her mad. Gibbs watched her as she moved frantically through his basement and he frowned as she passed him again.

"Jen, maybe you should sit down."

She shook her head.

"I can't. This is killing me."

Her eyes roamed the basement, searching the places she knew he usually kept his bourbon. He followed her gaze and shook his head.

"Don't even think about it."

She turned on her heel, still pacing, and fixed him with a glare that he was proud of, even in spite of the situation. He could see how badly she was shaking even from where he stood, and her hair was damp with sweat as she continued to walk the perimeter of the room. Finally, she sank down on the small couch, cradling her head in her hands, and she moaned.

"Can I at least have coffee?"

"Sure. But you have to come with me to get it."

She frowned.

"Are you serious? You don't trust me?"

He shook his head.

"Not right now, I don't. Come on."

She sighed, disappointed that her plan hadn't worked. In hindsight, she supposed it had been a pretty weak attempt.

"Nevermind."

"Thought so."

She curled up on the couch, and he made his way closer, covering her with a blanket. She smiled in appreciation, and he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. As she tossed and turned on the small piece of furniture, Gibbs picked up his paint brush, touching up the letters of his daughter's name on the back of his boat. He let his eyes flicker to the redhead on his couch every so often, and when she had fallen asleep thirty minutes later, he breathed a sigh of relief. This was going to be harder than he thought.

* * *

The soft moan from the corner of the room caught his attention as he worked on his boat, and he glanced over, concerned. Jenny was still on the couch, but she appeared to have finally woken up, and he set his tools down as he moved to sit next to her. He lifted her head carefully, pulling her into his lap, and she moaned again. He ran his hand over her hair, noticing just how much she was sweating, and as her shaking hand reached for his, he smiled sadly.

"How l-long does this l-last?" she asked weakly.

"Dunno. Never been through it before. Hopefully not long."

"Feels like s-shit."

He laughed.

"I imagine so."

"P-please, Jethro. One drink wouldn't kill me. Just enough t-to make this stop."

He shook his head, looking down at her seriously.

"No, Jen. That would defeat the purpose. You can do this."

"Jethro.."

"Not happening, Shepard. You asked for my help, you got it."

She moaned again, her entire body shaking, and he tightened his hold on her. Her eyes were glassy, and he frowned as she gripped his hand tighter.

"I c-can't do this," she whispered.

He brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"Yes, you can. You're so much stronger than this."

Her head shook, damp hair sticking to her skin. She looked up at him desperately and the pain in her voice nearly broke him.

"No, I'm n-not. I can't handle this. I need a drink."

She stood up quicker than he had anticipated, and before he could stop her, she was searching frantically through the basement. He had planned for this, knew there was nothing for her to find, but still it was unsettling.

"Jen."

She ignored him, her shaking fingers hardly able to hold anything as she moved everything on his work table, and he tried again.

"Jenny, stop. There's nothing there."

Moving to the other side of the room, she began looking in every corner, every crevice, and when she found nothing, she fought the urge to cry in frustration. Gibbs stood, slowly approaching her, and when he grabbed her wrist, she pulled away, screaming.

"Don't touch me."

"Jen, I got rid of everything. There's nothing here."

She tried to push past him, but his hands gripped her shoulders tightly.

"Let go."

He shook his head, and before he knew what had happened, her hand had lashed out, connecting painfully with his face. He still didn't release her, and when she swung again, his hand caught her wrist just before it hit.

"Jethro, let go of me."

She continued to struggle, but he knew it wouldn't last long. Her tears were falling rapidly now, and when she finally collapsed in his arms, he held her close, kissing her hair gently.

"Shh...it's okay, Jen."

Sobbing harder now, she felt her knees buckle under her, and he tightened his hold, keeping her upright. She clung to his shirt like a lifeline, and he continued to kiss her hair, trying to pretend that his heart wasn't being ripped apart as he held her.

"I got you, Jen. I got you."

"I'm so fucking sorry."

"Shh...I know."

Hooking his arm under her legs, he cradled her against his chest and walked the short distance back to the couch. His shirt was damp with tears and sweat, but he couldn't have cared in the slightest. As Jenny continued to cry in his arms, he rocked her gently, hoping that she would calm down soon.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No, Jen. I'm sorry. I should have seen this sooner. I should have never let it get this bad."

She looked up at him, eyes still glassy and unfocused, and frowned.

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I did this. Not you."

He shook his head.

"Maybe, but I should have seen how much you were struggling."

Brushing his fingers under her eyes, he kissed her gently, his free hand tangling in her hair.

"I love you so much. And we're gonna get through this together."

She nodded, laying her head on his chest, and as her breathing finally began to stabilize, he found himself saying a prayer to a God he wasn't even sure he believed in. If it would help her through this, he would do anything to make it happen.

* * *

His bright blue eyes watched her like a hawk all through the afternoon as she slept on the couch, and as the sun began to set, she finally sat up, blinking in confusion. He quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught staring, and he busied himself with the tools he had placed under his boat for cover. He smiled when he felt her come up behind him and as she wrapped her arms around his waist, he turned to face her.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself," he said quietly, "How do you feel?"

She frowned, considering his question.

"Better, I think. Still kind of shaky."

He nodded, looking at her carefully. Her skin was so pale that it was nearly translucent, and her body still trembled violently, but her eyes were clearer than he'd seen in days. He trailed his finger over her cheek gently and as his lips brushed against hers, he could feel her smile.

"Do you think you could eat something?"

She shook her head slowly.

"I'm not hungry."

He frowned.

"You haven't eaten since Tori's birthday party."

She shrugged, looking down at the floor.

"I'm really not hungry, Jethro."

"Please? Even something small. For me?"

She sighed, sensing that he wasn't going to back down, and finally nodded.

"Fine. I'll try."

He kissed her cheek and she walked away, going to take her place on the couch again. He knew, even as he called out for their dinner, that she wasn't going to touch it, but still...he had to try.

* * *

Jenny sighed as she sat behind her desk, trying to find something to distract herself from the thoughts running through her mind. It had been three days since she'd touched any alcohol, and her body was screaming for it. She knew Gibbs had locked her bourbon in the bottom drawer of her desk and taken her key, and though she had spent the better part of her morning cursing him for it, she knew he was only trying to help her. Still, she couldn't deny that a part of her hated him for it.

Just knowing that it was so close to her was enough to drive her insane, and she laid her head down on her desk with a low moan. She didn't have a key, that much was certain, but perhaps she could find another way. She ran her hand through her hair, frowning when she remembered that she hadn't put any pins in it that morning and sighed. Picking the lock was out, then.

Suddenly, an idea came to her and she smiled, hitting the button on her intercom.

"Cynthia?"

"Yes, Director?"

"Could you come in my office for a moment, please?"

"Yes, ma'am."

The door opened seconds later, and Jenny smiled at the younger woman.

"I don't have a key for the bottom drawer of my desk. I must have lost it somewhere. Do you have a spare, by any chance?"

Cynthia frowned, thinking.

"I'm not sure. Let me check."

She disappeared through the door and Jenny allowed herself a smile. The younger woman returned to her office, shaking her head slowly.

"I couldn't find one. Is there any way I can help?"

Jenny frowned.

"Can you send Officer David up to my office, please?"

"Yes, ma'am."

When the Israeli walked into her office a minute later, Jenny gave her a warm smile. If she didn't have means to pick the lock, no one did.

"You wanted to see me, Director?"

Jenny nodded.

"Yes. I've misplaced the key for my desk drawer and I need your lock picking skills."

Ziva frowned. Jenny had never needed help picking a lock before, and she wondered what had changed.

"Is something wrong?"

"Just wondering why my assistance is needed. If I recall correctly, you're quite skilled at picking locks yourself, Director."

The redhead nodded again, sighing slowly.

"It isn't that I can't do it. I lack the proper tools."

Ziva nodded, pulling out a small knife and handing it to her. Jenny knelt down, her eyes narrowed in concentration, and after a few moments of careful maneuvering, she smiled as the drawer opened. She handed the knife back to Ziva, nodding her head in thanks.

"Is that all, Director?"

"Yes. Thank you, Ziva."

Ziva gave her a curious look as she was dismissed and when Jenny pulled out the bottle of bourbon she smiled. She felt slightly guilty as she poured the drink, but as soon as she felt the familiar warmth spreading throughout her body, she pushed it to the back of her mind.

* * *

"Ziva, where the hell have you been?"

"I'm sorry. The Director requested my presence."

Gibbs frowned.

"Why?"

"She needed help opening something."

Tony snickered.

"And she called you instead of Gibbs? Wow, that's kind of a blow to your ego, boss."

Approaching the younger woman slowly, Gibbs looked at her with a sense of dread.

"What exactly did she ask you to open?" he asked dangerously.

"Her desk drawer," Ziva answered, looking confused, "She misplaced the key and asked if I could help her open it."

Gibbs stared at her for a moment before walking as quickly as he could to the stairs. Damn her.

* * *

Ignoring Cynthia's protests, Gibbs threw Jenny's office door open, not caring as it hit the wall. The redhead frowned, pulling her glasses off, and he slammed it behind him as he walked closer.

"Tell me you didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Damn it, Jenny, this isn't a game."

She met his eyes coldly, wondering what on earth he was referring to, and he slammed his hand on the desk.

"Answer me."

"You haven't asked me a question," she replied smoothly.

He walked around the desk, wrenching open the drawer and she frowned.

"Looking for something?"

He glared at her, his eyes harder than she'd seen in awhile. He pulled her up from the chair, kissing her hard, and his tongue found hers roughly. When he moved away, she simply stared at him, trying to figure out if he'd completely lost his mind, and when he spoke, his voice was colder than ice.

"I can't believe you."

"What?"

"Everything we worked for, all the shit we went through over the past three days, and you just threw it all away."

She frowned.

"Jethro, what—"

"You drank the damn bourbon, Jen! I locked it up to help you, and you went behind my back and drank it anyway. I could taste it."

He met her eyes, daring her to look away, daring her to lie to him, and when she didn't, he slammed his hand on the desk again.

"God damn it, Jenny! How could you do this? You're not that weak. I know you! You're stronger than a fucking drink! You know that."

She said nothing, too ashamed to speak, and he walked around her desk quickly, as if he couldn't stand to be near her. He turned just before he reached the door, looking at her with a mixture of anger and sadness that made her feel worthless.

"At least, I _thought_ you were. Maybe I was wrong."

He walked out without another word, and it wasn't until he had been gone for a full ten minutes that she finally allowed herself to cry. Once she had started, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to stop, and when she left her office at the end of the day, she wasn't surprised to find that he had already gone.

* * *

Knowing that Gibbs likely wanted to be as far away from her as possible, Jenny opted not to stay at his house that night. Instead, she locked herself in her study with a fresh bottle of bourbon and as she poured the amber liquid into the tumbler, she tried to stop crying to no avail. Figuring she had already lost him, she saw no reason to try now, and as she stared into the glass, she cursed herself for being so stupid.

Pulling out her phone, she decided she would call Heather, and when her sister's voice came on the line, she tried to regulate her breathing.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Heather."

"Jenny! Hi! Are you feeling better than you were at the party?"

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine. Just wanted to hear your voice."

"What's wrong?"

Jenny forced a laugh, hoping it was at least somewhat believable and sighed.

"Nothing's wrong. Can't I just call to talk?"

Heather's tone made it evident she didn't believe her in the slightest.

"I can hear it in your voice, Jenny. What happened? Is it Jethro?"

"Yeah," Jenny said with a sob, "We, um...we had a really bad fight."

"From what you've told me, you two fight all the time."

"This one was different. I really screwed up, Heather."

"Why don't you apologise?"

Jenny laughed.

"Jethro thinks apologising is a sign of weakness."

"That's dumb."

Heather paused, and Jenny looked at her drink again. She hadn't touched it yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time.

"Look, give him some time, and yourself some time, and I'm sure things will work out. He loves you, and I know you love him."

Jenny sniffed, trying to keep herself from crying again.

"Maybe you're right."

"I am. Always. I have to go get Tori ready for bed, but if you need me, don't hesitate to call, okay? Love you."

"Thanks. Love you, too."

Feeling less than hopeful, Jenny sighed, dialing another number. If she couldn't talk to Gibbs himself, she would just have to talk to the one person who knew him better than she did.

"Hello?"

"Ducky, it's Jenny. Can I talk to you?"

"I'm assuming this is because of your fight with Jethro?"

Shit. Gibbs must have already told him.

"Yeah. What do I do? I really messed this up."

"Yes, you did, Jennifer. That's not to say that Jethro is entirely blameless, but you must understand that he's very concerned about you. You both made mistakes today, and you have to make a choice. What is more important to you? Alcohol, or Jethro?"

"You know the answer to that, Ducky."

"Yes, I suppose I do, but does he?"

She frowned, considering his words carefully, and after saying goodbye, she let her phone fall to the floor. Picking up her glass, she stared at the liquor, hating herself more than she ever had before and when she threw it across the room, she smiled as it shattered. The bottle itself followed, and when she picked up the pieces of glass, she swore as it sliced into her hand.

She made her way into her kitchen, searching for a towel and as she wrapped her hand, she frowned at the knock on her front door. Wondering who it could possibly be, after all Gibbs wasn't speaking to her, she opened it slowly, her eyes widening at the man on the other side.

"Jethro. What are you doing here?"

He shrugged.

"You didn't come home after work. Figured this would be where I'd find you."

She stepped back, allowing him in, and he closed the door gently.

"I didn't think you wanted to be around me," she said quietly.

He followed her as she made her way into the living room, sitting next to her on the couch. He didn't touch her, but his presence was a step in the right direction.

"I was angry, Jen. I know this isn't—what happened to your hand?"

She glanced down at it and shrugged noncommittally.

"I broke a bottle and a glass."

"How much did you drink?"

She shook her head, looking at him seriously.

"I didn't. I was going to, but it reminded me of how badly I fucked this up, and I couldn't."

He beckoned her closer, and when his lips met hers, she knew exactly what he was doing. It didn't matter. The feeling of his mouth on hers, his tongue dancing over her own, it was better than any liquor she'd ever tasted, and she was disappointed when it ended all too soon.

"Okay, I believe you."

Looking down, he reached for her hand, and when he unwrapped the towel, he frowned at the blood. It wasn't deep, but it needed a proper bandage regardless. He shook his head and pulled her up, leading her into the bathroom. As he found the first-aid kit she kept under the sink, she sighed as he ran the water, gently cleaning the cut.

"It's not that bad," she protested.

He ignored her, wrapping it carefully, and when he had finished, he kissed her palm lightly.

"You gotta stop breaking glass, Jen. One of these days, you're gonna lose a finger."

She gave him a weak smile, and clicked off the light, walking back into the living room. He joined her on the couch, still not touching her, and she waited, knowing he wanted to speak.

"I know this isn't easy, and I know you're going to have setbacks. It won't get better overnight, or even in three days. I shouldn't have yelled at you, and I shouldn't have said something that I didn't mean."

"What are you talking about?"

"Earlier, in your office, when I said I was wrong...I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I know you're strong enough to get through this. It won't be easy, and you're going to need help, but you can do this, Jen. Don't ever doubt that."

"I shouldn't have done what I did today, Jethro. I jeopardized everything that we've worked for, and I'm sorry."

He nodded, and when he held out his arms, she moved closer, burying her head in his chest. He held her close, breathing in her perfume and when she glanced up at him, he smiled.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Can we go home?"

It touched him more than he would ever admit that she now referred to his house as her home, and he nodded, leaning down to kiss her. She stopped to grab her phone from her study, carefully picking her way around the broken glass, and as she locked her front door behind her, she finally felt as though maybe she had a fighting chance.

* * *

Watching Jenny as she slept had become one of Gibbs' favourite pastimes, though he would never tell her that, and it was one that he hadn't been able to partake in much recently. She'd become even more restless over the past few days and as she roamed the house, he frowned as he wondered how she expected to function at work the next day.

"Jenny?"

She didn't answer, pacing back and forth in his basement as he worked, and he sighed.

"Jen?"

"What?" she snapped.

"It's late. Don't you think maybe you should try to get some sleep?"

She rolled her eyes.

"You're still awake," she pointed out.

He nodded.

"Yeah, but I've also slept more than two hours in the past two days."

"Shut up."

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, and as she passed him yet again, she paused, tapping her nails against the shell of his boat. It went on for almost a full two minutes before he glared at her and sighed again.

"Jen, would you stop doing that?"

Smacking her hand on the wood, she walked away, her footsteps loud on the stairs and as she slammed the door, he groaned. He knew she was lashing out because of the withdrawls, but still... At this rate, neither of them would make it through the night alive.

* * *

Jenny tried in vain to read a book, but as her eyes scanned the page for the sixth time without comprehending the words, she sighed in frustration. Tossing it aside, she ran her hand through her hair, trying to think about anything that didn't involve alcohol. She was beyond jittery, so highly strung that she was surprised she hadn't snapped yet, and as she walked back down to the basement, she wondered how she was supposed to get through this madness.

"Jethro?"

He turned, eyeing her warily, as if he were afraid she was going to yell again, and raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah?"

"Come here."

He set his sander down, brushing off the sawdust as he walked, and as soon as he was near enough, she pulled him to her, crashing her lips against his almost painfully.

"Jen, what—"

"Shut up."

Her tongue found its way into his mouth, stopping his protests, and as she pulled his shirt over his head, he frowned, looking at her seriously.

"What are you doing?"

She shook her head, kissing him again, and he moaned as her hands moved down his body.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I want you to fuck me. Right here, right now."

He frowned, pulling away from her, and when she tried to kiss him again, he shook his head.

"What's going on, Jen? This isn't like you."

"Don't ask questions, Jethro."

Her lips found his throat, and when she touched him again, he knew there was no way he could refuse her now. He pulled the old NIS shirt from her body, silently rejoicing when he discovered that she wasn't wearing a bra underneath it, and when his lips closed around her breast, she moaned, tangling her hands in his hair. Her fingers undid the button on his jeans and she quickly pushed them down, not even caring that they were going to be covered in sawdust when he put them on later.

He pulled her underwear down easily, his fingers slipping inside her as he kissed her throat, and she whispered his name as he touched her. He lifted her into his arms, turning them so that she was balanced against the boat, and as he entered her, she cried out, her head falling back slowly.

"Jethro?"

"Jen?"

"I want this to hurt."

He kissed her, frowning slightly.

"Why?"

"Please, Jethro," she whispered as she kissed him, "For the love of God, shut up."

He moved quickly, his hips slamming into hers, and she cried out as she gripped his shoulders. One hand wound into his hair, and when he kissed her, all teeth and tongue, she moaned. He was still holding back, and as Jenny bit down on his lip, she jerked when she felt his fingers touch her.

"Harder, Jethro."

He kissed her throat, his teeth nipping along her flesh, and he moved faster at her request. He yanked her hair to one side, and when he bit down on her throat hard enough to draw blood, she moaned again, long and low. He frowned as the coppery taste registered in his mind, and he looked at her worriedly.

"Jen?"

"Don't stop. Do it again."

"I can't. Didn't mean to the first time."

She laughed breathlessly, kissing him hard. His rhythm had faltered now, and as she ground her hips into his, he frowned as he found it again. His lips moved over her throat again and he ran his tongue over the shell of her ear. He met her eyes seriously, searching for answers, and when she nodded, he kissed her.

"Do it, Jethro."

He bit down on her skin, nowhere near as hard as before, and though she moaned, he knew she was slightly disappointed. He could feel her walls tightening around him, and as she broke beneath him, her nails left red marks down his skin. His own orgasm caught him off-guard, and her name fell from his lips on a whisper of air.

Setting her down carefully, he examined her closely, sweeping her hair to one side. The blood had stopped, and when he reached out to touch it gently, he noticed the slightly flushed tint of her skin. She wouldn't meet his eyes, and he frowned as his fingers brushed over the mark.

"You okay?"

She nodded, and he touched her cheek.

"Jen...I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt you, and—"

"It's okay," she answered quietly, "I know why you didn't."

"Did it help?"

She frowned, feigning innocence.

"What do you mean?"

"You were using sex to distract yourself. That's why you wanted it to hurt. You wanted to be able to focus on the pain instead of wanting a drink."

Her eyes finally flickered to his, and she sighed.

"That obvious?"

"I know you, Jen. Probably better than anyone."

Reaching up to touch his cheek, she kissed him gently, and began pulling on her clothes again. When they had both dressed, he led her over to the couch, wrapping his arm around her tightly.

"You're right," she said suddenly, her voice soft, "You do know me better than anyone else. You're my best friend, Jethro. I don't care if you need me or not. I need you. I don't know what I would do without you."

He kissed her hair gently, and she smiled.

"I do need you, Jen. You're my best friend, too. Even if half the time we want to kill each other. And you don't have to worry about what you'd do without me. I'm not going anywhere."

She looked at him, willing the tears in her eyes to stay put, and she smiled as she moved closer.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs..."

"Hm?"

"I love you."

He smirked.

"Jennifer Maxine Shepard..."

She frowned.

"Jethro, you know damn well my middle name is not Maxine."

He laughed, kissing her again.

"Yeah, I know."

"You were saying?"

"I love you too, Jen."

He stood up, holding out his hand and when he pulled her to her feet, he smiled as she wrapped her arm around his waist. She still hadn't eaten much over the past few days, and as he tossed her effortlessly over his shoulder, he frowned.

"I'm ordering Chinese. What do you want?"

She laughed as her hair fell into her face and sighed.

"You're choosing to ask me this now?"

"Yep. If you refuse to eat, I'm dropping you."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Don't tempt me, Shepard."

She pushed her hair back, and nodded.

"Beef lo mein."

He set her down, and she smacked his arm lightly.

"You know, you could have just asked like a normal adult."

He smirked.

"Nah. Nowhere near as effective."

He began walking up the stairs, and as she leaned against the wood of his boat, she found herself feeling lighter than she had in weeks. She just prayed that the feeling would last.

* * *

**A/N: Withdrawls are a bitch. I almost felt bad for putting Jenny through that. **


	33. Anybody's You

**A/N: This is what happens when my work is slow and I get sent home. I have to fill my empty life with writing and music. In this installment, we see a situation similar to the episode "Leap of Faith" in certain aspects, and Ducky interrupts an important moment.**

* * *

Jennifer Shepard, in no uncertain terms and by her own admission, was being a bitch. Had been for the better part of the week, so much so that even one Leroy Jethro Gibbs had even been avoiding her wrath. She was currently sitting behind her desk, slowly drinking a cup of coffee and trying to find the best way to respond to an important email without coming across as rude, to no avail. When her intercom beeped, she sighed, and ran her hand through her hair, hoping she could keep the annoyance at being disturbed from her voice.

"Excuse me, Director."

"What is it, Cynthia?"

"Ma'am, we have...a situation."

She rolled her eyes.

"What kind of situation?"

"Agent Gibbs and Agent DiNozzo are on the roof."

Jenny stood from her desk, walking to her door and opening it quickly. She looked at her assistant, beyond confused.

"What do you mean "they're on the roof", Cynthia? I haven't been _that_ much of a bitch lately, have I?"

"Ma'am, they brought a marine in for questioning and he managed to escape and climb to the roof. They're up there now trying to talk him down."

Shit.

"Where are McGee and David?"

"Down on the ground, trying to establish communication."

She nodded. Turning on her heel, Jenny walked back into her office, grabbing her sidearm and badge. Not that she really supposed she needed her badge, but it was habit.

"What side of the building?"

"Front. Right by the entrance."

"Hold my calls."

"You're going down there, ma'am?"

Jenny nodded seriously.

"This is my agency. I can't sit back and do nothing."

Cynthia nodded as she watched her boss walk swiftly down the stairs, wondering (and not for the first time) if other assistants had days at work as complicated as her own.

* * *

Flashing her badge, Jenny walked up behind McGee and Ziva, leaning close as she tried to assess the situation.

"How in the hell did he get up there?"

Ziva shrugged.

"You would need to ask Tony. He was the one escorting him in."

"Does he have a weapon?"

"I do not know."

Jenny looked to McGee.

"Have you gotten through to Gibbs yet?"

He nodded.

"A few seconds ago, Director."

She held out her hand.

"Let me talk to him."

The young agent looked at her seriously before handing her the device. Of all the ways he could have imagined his day would end up, this wasn't one of them.

* * *

"Sergeant Rice, you don't want to do this."

"I'm not going to jail! I didn't do anything wrong."

Gibbs frowned, trying to move closer. Tony stood just off to his right, and he held out his hand to keep him at a distance. He could see the glint of metal in the marine's hand, and the last thing he wanted was for someone to get hurt.

"We just want to ask you a few questions. That's all."

"Yeah, and then throw me in jail for the rest of my life for giving up military secrets."

Shaking his head, Gibbs took a careful step. The gun swung in his direction, and he stopped instantly.

"Stay away from me."

"Calm down. No one has to get hurt here."

"Agent Gibbs, what's your status?"

Gibbs frowned as Jenny's voice came through his ear piece, and Tony looked at him seriously.

"Boss?"

"Not now."

Ignoring Jenny's voice in his ear, Gibbs turned back to the man in front of him.

"Sergeant, we just want to talk. Why don't you come down, and we can work this out, okay?"

"Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs rolled his eyes and jerked his head at Tony.

"Answer her," he snapped.

"Director Shepard, Agent Gibbs is currently trying to get the subject down peacefully."

"Does he have a weapon?"

"Affirmative, ma'am."

Inching closer, Gibbs kept his eyes locked on the weapon pointed at him and held up his hands slowly.

"Do you have a family, Sergeant Rice?"

He didn't answer, and Gibbs tried again.

"Answer the question, Sergeant."

"I have a wife and little girl."

Gibbs nodded, still moving closer.

"Do you want to do this to them, Sergeant? If you jump off this roof, your wife and daughter will lose you forever. You don't want to hurt them like that."

"I'll go to jail if I give up military secrets. I'll lose them anyway."

The gun was still pointed at him and the marine glanced down at Gibbs' own weapon.

"Put your gun on the ground."

"I wasn't going to use it."

"I don't care. Put the damn gun on the ground!"

Gibbs nodded, pulling it from the holster and setting it down gently.

"Sergeant, even if you do go to jail, you'd still be able to see your wife and daughter. If you die, you'll never see them again. Isn't that better than being dead? I know my wife would rather I be alive and in jail than lying dead in a morgue."

Tony frowned, then realised his boss was talking about Jenny. If the situation hadn't been so serious, he would have smiled. Gibbs was almost close enough to touch him now, and the man backed away, nearly slipping in his haste. Mentally kicking himself for getting them into this mess, Tony glanced down at the crowd watching them from the ground. There were only two ways this would end, and he already had a feeling he knew which way it would go. He just hoped he was wrong.

* * *

Jenny swore under her breath as she looked up to the roof and turned to Ziva.

"Is there any way you can get a shot at him without killing him?"

The younger woman shook her head.

"Not without hitting Gibbs, too."

Jenny reached for the rifle held by the Israeli and peered through the scope.

"McGee?"

"My aim's nowhere near that good, Director."

Frowning, Jenny walked slowly away from them, trying to find a new vantage point. If she moved slightly back, she could take the shot without hitting Gibbs, but if he moved at all, there wasn't a chance. She sighed, pressing the communications device in her hand.

"Agent DiNozzo, Agent Gibbs, we've got weapons in place to take him down if necessary."

"Yes, ma'am," came Tony's reply.

She'd never attempted a shot from such a distance, and she only prayed that if the time came, she wouldn't miss.

* * *

Gibbs moved carefully, his voice quiet as he spoke into the communications device.

"Who's got the shot?"

"I do," Jenny answered softly.

He nodded, still hoping there was a way to work this out.

"Stand by."

"Copy."

"Sergeant Rice...please come down. We can talk about this. Maybe work out a deal. No one has to get hurt here."

The marine shook his head, and when he raised his gun to fire at Tony, Gibbs moved quicker than he would have thought possible. He reached for the weapon, his hand locking around the man's wrist, and as he struggled against him, Gibbs prayed that they wouldn't fall.

"Boss?"

Gibbs didn't answer, and Tony moved to grab the gun he had left laying on the roof. If all else failed, he would attempt the shot himself. Gibbs glared at him and shook his head. If he got too close, he could be in Jenny's line of fire.

"DiNozzo, stay back!"

Shit. This was not going to end well.

* * *

Jenny could tell, even from her position on the ground, that a struggle had broken out. She watched as Tony made for the gun, but when he stopped, she frowned. Raising her weapon, she trained it carefully on the pair above her, hoping that her hands would be steady enough if she needed them. Her eyes followed them through the scope and she frowned in concentration.

"Shepard!"

Gibbs' voice was urgent in her ear and she tensed, waiting. She needed to be absolutely sure. Knowing he would never ask her to fire unless it were necessary, she took a deep breath and steadied her arm.

"Shepard, take the shot!"

She fired the weapon, not even blinking as she pulled the trigger, and when she saw both Gibbs and the marine land on the roof, her heart pounded against her chest.

"Agent Gibbs, Agent DiNozzo, I need your status."

"Good here, Director."

She frowned.

"Gibbs?"

There was no answer, and she swore.

"Agent Gibbs?"

Where the hell was he?

* * *

As soon as the shot echoed in the quiet, Gibbs was blown back onto the stone rooftop. He blinked, trying to catch his breath, and as soon as he determined there had been no permanent damage, he moved to the marine a few feet from him. Jenny's aim had been true, and blood poured out of the man's shoulder. It didn't appear to be a fatal shot, and Gibbs pressed his hands over the wound.

He could hear Jenny's voice in his ear, but he wasn't going to let go of the still bleeding wound. He almost yelled for DiNozzo to give her his status, but knowing the redhead as well as he did, he knew she would never be satisfied until she heard his voice.

"Agent Gibbs?"

He jerked his head at Tony, and when the younger man came forward, he nodded at the wound.

"Put pressure here."

"You got it, boss."

"Jethro?!"

Jenny's voice was desperate now, and her use of his given name betrayed her fear.

"All good here, Jen."

He could hear her sigh in relief and he smiled.

"Was anyone else hit?"

"No. Trying to stop the bleeding now."

"Copy. Ducky will be up as soon as he can."

Gibbs sat back on his heels, breathing out a sigh, and he nodded.

"Soon as he does, we'll be down."

"Copy."

Moments later, the Scottish doctor walked up behind them, kneeling down to examine the wound. Gibbs stood up slowly, careful not to touch his clothing and when Ducky handed him a towel, he nodded in thanks.

"He gonna be okay?"

Ducky nodded.

"Oh, yes. The bullet exited cleanly, missed all the major arteries, he should be just fine once we close it up. Jennifer just saved both of your lives."

Gibbs frowned.

"I told her to take him down and she did. Didn't tell her to kill him."

"Yes, I know."

As the Sergeant was lifted onto a stretcher, Ducky moved closer to Gibbs, his voice low enough that only he could hear.

"You might want to stop by her office. She looked rather pale as she went inside."

Gibbs nodded.

"Thanks, Duck."

Whipping around to the younger agent still standing behind him, Gibbs glared.

"DiNozzo! How in the hell did he manage to grab your weapon and get all the way up here without you catching him?"

Tony faltered, stumbling over his words as they walked and when Gibbs' hand slapped the back of his head painfully, he winced.

"Won't happen again, boss."

"Damn right it won't."

* * *

Jenny didn't speak to anyone as she made her way back into her office, and as she collapsed behind her desk, she gripped the wood tightly to keep her hands steady. Firing a gun had never bothered her, even shooting a person hadn't bothered her this much in years, and she was struggling to figure out why she was coping so badly now. She supposed it could have been the mere fact that Gibbs had been so close to her line of fire, and she would have never forgiven herself if she'd hit him, but it was still unsettling for her to be this strongly affected.

Her door opened slowly, and she glanced up as he walked in, not returning his smile.

"Sergeant Rice?"

"Being stitched up now."

She nodded.

"DiNozzo?"

"Writing up a report and about twenty minutes away from having his ass handed to him."

He'd expected her to laugh, possibly even reprimand him, and when she stayed silent, he frowned. Moving closer, he noticed her death grip on the desk, and looked at her seriously.

"You okay?"

She didn't answer, and he reached out to cover one of her hands with his.

"Jen?"

Taking a slow breath, she nodded and he shook his head, not believing her for an instant. He walked around the desk, prying her fingers loose from the wood, and pulled her upright. Leading her to the couch, he placed a comforting hand on her knee as she stared at her hands in her lap, and he brushed his thumb over her cheek.

"I could have shot you," she whispered.

He shook his head.

"No. Your shot was exactly where it needed to be. Hell of a shot, Jen. I couldn't have done any better."

She met his eyes, and he could see the fear reflected in them.

"I did the right thing," she said quietly, as though she were trying to convince herself.

He nodded, reaching for her hand. He kissed it gently, letting his lips linger.

"You did."

"He would have killed himself and you if I hadn't taken the shot."

"Yeah."

He kissed her cheek, tasting the salt on her tear-stained skin.

"I did the right thing, Jethro."

"No question."

Her head fell on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her gently.

"God, I need a drink so much," she whispered.

He shook his head, looking at her seriously. She was shaking, it was true, and while he normally would have given her what she'd asked for, he wasn't going to risk jeopardizing her newly-found sobriety. Maybe years from now she could drink in moderation again, but there was no way in hell that he would sacrifice her health for one bad day.

"You don't. You were amazing today. You stayed calm, you weighed the risks of the situation and made informed decisions, you took a nearly-impossible shot and it saved the lives of at least three people. And you did it all sober."

He kissed her, holding her as close as he could, and looked into her eyes deeply.

"I'm so proud of you, Jen."

Jenny laid her head on his shoulder again, wiping away her tears as they fell with a shaking hand. If he was proud of the job she'd done, she supposed she could live with it.

* * *

"Tony, only _you_ could manage to get us into a situation like that."

Tony threw up his hands exasperatedly.

"It wasn't my fault! It happened so fast. Rice grabbed my gun, knocked me over the head with it, and by the time I caught up to him, he was on the roof. I did the best I could."

McGee snickered.

"Yeah, then the Director saved your ass."

"Hey, Gibbs and I had it under control."

Ziva rolled her eyes, looking at him incredulously.

"We were there, Tony. If she hadn't taken that shot, all three of you would probably be dead."

"The boss was talking him down. Got him to talk about his wife and daughter enough to—"

He stopped, remembering what Gibbs had said to Rice on the roof. McGee looked at him, frowning.

"What?"

"Just something Gibbs said up there."

"Tony! McGee! Ziva! You're okay!"

Abby's voice was loud as she ran off the elevator and threw herself onto the Senior Field Agent. He groaned slightly and she released him, moving on to hug the rest of the team.

"What was it like?"

McGee shrugged.

"Ziva and I were on the ground. Tony and Gibbs were the ones up there in all the action."

Abby frowned, looking at Tony with a look of pure confusion.

"How'd he get up there, anyway?"

"Okay, enough with that! I screwed up, okay? Let it go."

"Tony, what did Gibbs say? That you were about to tell us?" McGee asked.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Got distracted by a bouncy Goth scientist. Gibbs called Jenny his wife."

Ziva frowned.

"I did not think they had set a wedding date yet."

"They haven't," Abby answered with a frown, "Unless they eloped. Wouldn't that be great!"

"I thought you wanted to be at the wedding," Tony reminded her.

"I do, but you have to admit, there's something about eloping that is just so romantic."

McGee shook his head, looking between his friends, and he sighed.

"He was probably trying to connect with the guy. Make him feel less alone."

"McGee is right. I do not think that Gibbs and the Director would have gotten married without it getting around somehow," Ziva said logically.

"Come on, Ziva! They had a relationship, twice I might add, under the noses of everyone in this agency for _months_ before anyone knew! Speaking of the boss man, where is he?"

"He went to see Director Shepard."

"See, I told you, Zee-vah!"

Rolling her eyes, Ziva smirked as she threw her stapler across the room at her partner.

* * *

Jenny very narrowly managed to refrain from rolling her eyes as she spoke to Sergeant Rice's commanding officer over the video feed in MTAC. He was being deliberately obtuse, dodging her every question, and she glared at him, hoping he could sense her anger even through the screen.

"Commander Curtis, whatever secrets you're keeping from me nearly cost me the lives of three people today. A man was so desperate to avoid jail time for simply being questioned that he was prepared to end not only his own life, but the lives of two of my best agents."

"I understand that, Director Shepard, but I cannot divulge military proceedings and secrets."

"I have top secret clearance," she reminded him coldly.

"I'm afraid that isn't good enough, ma'am."

"Like hell it isn't! Your Sergeant took drastic action today, and I _will_ get to the bottom of this. Of that, you can be sure. I don't care if I have to call the White House. It will happen."

"You can't do that."

"You can't stop me," Jenny spat.

She cut off the feed, turning on her heel and making her way to the door. She could feel the eyes of the technicians on her as she moved, but she was so furious that she couldn't have cared less. Her initial shock and fear had worn off, giving way to blazing anger, and she was determined to figure out what secrets were being kept from her.

* * *

Hours later, Jenny was pacing angrily in her office, letting the emotion distract her from the overwhelming desire for a drink. She'd hit wall after wall in her attempts to uncover the secrets Sergeant Rice had been going to tell them, and she sighed as she realised that they would just have to wait until he was able to be questioned to get her answers. She hadn't seen Gibbs since he'd come up to her office immediately following the incident, and she threw herself into her chair as she tried to control her anger.

The quiet knock on her door made her roll her eyes and she sighed.

"Come in."

She had expected to see Tony DiNozzo before the end of the day, and he hadn't disappointed her. He approached her slowly, cautiously, almost as if he were afraid of her, and she frowned.

"What is it, Agent DiNozzo?"

"I just...I know how Gibbs feels about apologies, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry. What happened today was careless, stupid, and it put the lives of a lot of people in danger."

She stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. He stopped just in front of her desk, and when he laid his badge and weapon on the top, she met his eyes seriously.

"I screwed up, Jenny. Big time. My official resignation will be on your desk tomorrow morning."

He had almost made it to her door when she spoke, her voice soft yet loud in the silence.

"Tony."

He turned, and she beckoned him closer. He walked back, and she looked at him with an emotion that he would have come dangerously close to calling sympathy.

"You made a mistake. There's no point in denying that. But you handled the situation well, and I think it's safe to say that you learned something from this. Do you really think I got this far in my career without making a few mistakes of my own? Or that Gibbs never makes mistakes? Contrary to what he would like you to believe, he does make them. Frequently. I'm just usually the one who fixes them."

He smiled slightly and she continued.

"You made a mistake, yes. But you fix it, you learn from it, and you move on."

She pushed the weapon and badge back to him and looked at them pointedly.

"The next time you put these on my desk, you'd better be prepared to lose them."

He frowned and she nodded at him.

"Now, pick them up and go back to work before I change my mind."

Slowly, he nodded and took them in his hands, giving her a look of confusion.

"Why?"

"You don't waste good," she quoted simply.

He smiled at the rule and placed the gun back in its holster. Just before he opened her door again, he turned and gave her a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Jenny."

"You're welcome. Now, go."

* * *

Gibbs smiled as he heard the sound of Jenny's footsteps on the basement stairs and when he looked up, his eyes roamed over her appreciatively. She'd changed from the clothing she'd worn to work, opting instead for one of his old shirts, and her hair fell loose around her shoulders, slightly damp and curling from her shower. It had been rough not having bourbon while he worked on his boat, that much he would admit, but the clearness of her eyes as she smiled at him made it worth the discomfort.

"Feeling better?"

She nodded, sliding carefully onto the stool in front of his table, not wanting her bare legs to stick to it. Watching him for a moment, she took a deep breath before speaking, and tossed her hair over her shoulder.

"Tony turned in his weapon and badge this evening. He told me that his official resignation would be on my desk tomorrow morning."

He turned, frowning and set his sander down.

"What?"

She nodded.

"He told me that he had screwed up, put people's lives in danger."

"He did, but that's no reason—"

"I refused it."

He looked at her seriously and stepped closer to her.

"You did what?"

"I refused his resignation," she repeated, knowing full well that he had heard her, "I'm not going to let him throw away his career over one mistake. We've all made them."

"Good."

Gibbs stopped just in front of her and leaned down, kissing her gently.

"You did a hell of a good job today, Jen. In more ways than one."

"Careful, Jethro. Flattery will get you somewhere."

"That's what I was hoping for."

He kissed her again, tangling his hand in her damp hair, and she sighed, pulling him closer. His free hand found them hem of her (his) shirt and pushed it up, running his fingers over the smooth skin of her thighs. She moaned as his hand brushed her inner thigh and he moved his lips to her throat.

"Have I ever told you how much I love your hands?" she whispered.

"Might have mentioned it, yeah."

He touched her slowly, wanting to make the moment last, and when he finally slid his fingers into her, she moaned quietly. He kept his pace slow, and while he had expected her to attempt to make him move faster, she seemed content with his speed. Her hips rocked slowly against his hand as he kissed her, and his tongue danced over hers sensually. The ringing of his phone made him groan in frustration, and when he tried to pull away, she shook her head.

"Let it ring."

She kissed him again and he pulled back, looking at her seriously.

"Jen."

"Don't answer it, Jethro."

"I have to."

"Fine," she smiled wickedly, "but don't stop touching me."

He couldn't decide if she was serious or not, and when he picked up the phone with his free hand, she smirked.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Good evening, Jethro. I just wanted to call and check on both you and Jennifer. You're not experiencing any pain from your fall on the roof, are you?"

Jenny's hips met his hand slowly, and as he continued to move his fingers, he found it very difficult to concentrate on his conversation. Her head fell back as she bit back a low moan, and he suddenly remembered that he still hadn't answered Ducky's question.

"No, Duck. I'm good. Back might be a little sore for a bit, but nothing a few aspirin won't fix."

"And Jennifer? I know she was rather shaken up by the events this morning."

The redhead in question brought her lips to his throat and he shivered. God, he had to get Ducky off the phone. Quickly.

"She's fine. It's kind of late, Duck. Think I'm gonna call it a night."

"Of course. Give my love to Jennifer."

"Sure thing."

He hung up the phone, capturing her lips with his own and when he pulled back to look at her, she smiled innocently.

"I told you not to answer it."

"Rule three, Shepard."

She kissed him again, her hips still moving slowly against his hand and she moaned.

"God, don't call me "Shepard" right now."

He smirked.

"Ducky sends his love, by the way."

"For God's sake, Jethro, I do _not_ want to be thinking about Ducky. You're going to kill the mood."

He nodded, kissing her again, and when he looked in her eyes, he thought he could detect a hint of pain in the bright irises.

"Tell me, Jen."

"Tell you what?' she gasped.

"How do you want this to go?"

His lips brushed against hers gently, waiting for her to make the next move. He knew she'd been feeling even more out of control since she'd stopped drinking, and he was going to do everything in his power to give that feeling back to her.

"Slow and easy, or hard and fast?"

She wound her hand into his hair, steadying herself with the other on his shoulder and her lips met his in a deep kiss.

"Slow," she whispered, "I want this to last as long as possible."

He nodded, lifting her from the stool, and her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her to the steps. Moving slowly so as not to drop her, he made his way up to the bedroom, and when he gently laid her on the mattress, she smiled, amused.

"That's a first."

He frowned.

"What?"

"Usually, you throw me. I don't think you've ever just put me down like that before."

"Never heard you complaining."

She shook her head, pulling him down to her. Her hands slid under his shirt slowly, and when she tossed it onto the floor, he smiled.

"You'd think by now we would just sleep naked."

She nodded.

"We do, sometimes. But it's still a little cold outside. Sue me for wanting to be warm."

He parted her legs slowly, kissing the soft flesh as he moved upwards and when he pushed her shirt farther up, his hands trailed across her stomach. She moaned as his tongue swept over her, her fingers threading into his hair and he lifted her leg over his shoulder. He moved his mouth up, tongue tracing over her hip bones, and as she arched upward, a low moan took the form of his name.

He dipped his tongue into the hollow between her breasts and she gasped as his fingers slid slowly inside of her again.

"Oh, God, Jethro..."

Kissing her again, he removed his fingers, smiling when she whimpered, and as he entered her carefully, she gripped his hair tighter. He hadn't moved this slowly in a long time, and when he finally found a rhythm that worked, he took pride in the way her breathing hitched. He touched her as he rolled his hips against hers, and her head fell back, giving him access to the smooth skin of her throat.

The mark from their last rough entanglement was still visible on her flesh, and he trailed his lips over it lightly. He sucked her skin between his teeth, careful not to leave a mark this time, and she moaned again.

"Oh, f-fuck...don't stop," she whispered.

"Come on, Jen."

She was close, that much he knew. She never begged until she reached a certain point, unless of course, he had reduced her to it during foreplay, and he kissed her again. He kept his lips on hers, wanting—_needing—_to feel her scream into his mouth, and when she arched into him, her grip in his hair tight, she didn't disappoint. He kept moving, reaching between them to touch her, and her eyes met his seriously.

"J-Jethro...I don't think...I can't handle—oh, _fuck_!"

Her second orgasm crashed through her, and he kissed her throat. His own climax hit seconds later, and she held onto his shoulders tightly as her body shattered beneath him.

"Jesus _Christ, _Jethro..."

He kissed her again, and she returned it weakly, her hand shaking as she reached up to run her fingers through his hair.

"Better?" he asked.

She nodded, her eyes meeting his seriously.

"How did you know?"

He moved to the side of the bed, pulling her into his arms. Her skin was flushed, damp with sweat, and he smiled as he looked at her. She'd never looked more beautiful in his eyes.

"I know you, remember?"

"Sometimes, I think you know me better than I know myself," she agreed.

"I could say the same about you."

He kissed her damp hair, and ran his fingertips up and down her arm lightly.

"Don't let today set you back, Jen. You made it through, you were exceptionally brilliant, and you did it all without a single drink. You can do this. Days like this will always be hard, but you're stronger."

"Thank you. For everything."

He kissed her temple, smiling as he reached over to turn off the light.

"You're welcome."

She moved impossibly closer as they laid in the darkness and kissed his chest gently.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"By the way, according to office scuttlebutt, you called me your wife up on that roof."

He smirked, finding her eyes in the darkness.

"I had to talk him down somehow, Jen."

"Right..." she said sarcastically.

"We _are_ engaged, if you recall."

"Don't rush me, Jethro."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs...you can't wait to marry me. Admit it. You're excited about it."

Kissing her to shut her up, he could tell she was smiling as he pulled away.

"You're right. I am excited about it. I've wanted to marry you for eight years."

"I never thought I would marry anyone. Never thought that anybody would want to marry me or even be with me that long. I always wanted to find someone who listened, someone who loves me, to make me happy. I guess that anybody's you."

She laughed and he kissed her again.

"So, you're going to take my last name, right?"

"I haven't decided."

"Come on...Jennifer Lucille Gibbs has a nice ring to it."

"Jethro," she sighed, rolling her eyes, "Lucille isn't my middle name, either."

He shrugged.

"Yeah, but it's fun to mess with you."

"So that's why you're such a pain in my ass at work...makes total sense now."

He laughed, pulling her closer to him, and she kissed his cheek gently.

"In all seriousness, I haven't decided. About my name, I mean. Shepard is all I have left of my father. My mother remarried awhile back, so I'm the only one left to carry the name."

He nodded, finding her eyes again, and he brushed her hair back behind her ear.

"It doesn't matter, Jen. Your name isn't what makes you my wife. You'll still be my wife even if you keep your last name. I completely understand wanting to keep that part of your father with you. It's your decision, and if you choose to do that, honestly, I think I would love you even more."

She frowned.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're honouring his memory, and that's a beautiful thing."

His words were spinning around in her mind for nearly an hour after he'd fallen asleep, and as she curled her body into his, she decided that she would tell him what she had decided in the morning. After all, sleep was something she had precious little of, and she wasn't about to lose any of it over something as simple as her last name.

* * *

**A/N: Will Gibbs _ever_ get Jenny's middle name right? Hope you enjoyed! **


	34. Between Wrath and Mercy

**A/N: Happy Saturday! In which Jenny makes several mistakes, Gibbs makes a few of his own, and our favourite couple very narrowly avoid disaster. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The last person Jenny expected to see when she walked into Heather's house was Daniel Way. She frowned as they walked past and when he noticed her, the lawyer gave her a smile.

"Hi, Jenny."

"Daniel. What are you doing here?"

"I'm a friend of David's. You?"

"Heather is my sister."

Daniel smiled, looking between them.

"Yeah, now that I look at you together, I can see the resemblance."

"How do you know Jenny, Daniel?" David asked, looking at his friend curiously.

"He was the lawyer on my rape case," Jenny answered quietly.

David frowned.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Jenny smiled, waving his apology away.

"It's okay."

Heather handed her a beer, smiling as she gestured to the couch. They sat down, and Jenny stared at the drink in her hand warily. She knew that she should have refused it, should have explained her situation to her sister, but she tipped it back slowly. Going without alcohol had been torturous, two of the longest weeks she'd ever endured (or so it seemed), and she welcomed the opportunity to forget. As she swallowed, she knew Gibbs was going to kill her if he found out, and she shook her head. Maybe she could do this. Maybe she'd be able to stop after a few drinks. After all, she didn't know until she tried.

* * *

Two hours later, Heather watched her as she pulled out her phone, frowning in curiosity.

"Calling Jethro?"

Jenny shook her head.

"No. I have a driver."

"Oh, you've met Agent Gibbs, Heather?"

The younger woman nodded, smiling at Daniel.

"I would hope so. He's Jenny's fiance, I had to give my opinion."

Daniel laughed.

"True. So, Jenny, when's the wedding?"

Holding up her hand to tell him to wait as she finished speaking, she smiled. He nodded as she hung up the phone and spoke.

"We haven't set a date yet. I know he's getting anxious about it, though."

"Gibbs doesn't strike me as the anxious type," Daniel laughed.

"He's been married four times. He wants to get it over with."

Heather smiled, and Jenny finished her drink. By her count, she'd had six, and for a two-hour period, that didn't seem unreasonable to her. She was still slightly concerned that Gibbs would be upset with her if he found out that she'd been drinking, and so she had opted to call her driver instead. Hugging her sister as she stood, Jenny nodded her head at David and Daniel, each of them raising their hand at her.

"Good to see you again, Jenny," Daniel called as she left.

"Same to you, Daniel. For a lawyer, you're a good guy."

"You're the politician, not me."

She laughed.

"Not a real politician, remember?"

"Guilt by association, remember?"

David laughed, and as she slid into the back of her car, Jenny placed her head in her hand.

"Ma'am?"

She jumped, offering Agent Fredericks a smile.

"I'm fine, Fredericks."

He didn't question her, and as he drove carefully to Gibbs' house, she leaned her head against the window.

"Kenny?"

"Ma'am?"

"Could we make a quick detour? I need to pick something up before I head home."

"Yes, ma'am. Where to?"

As he drove to the nearest liquor store, Jenny had never been more thankful that he never asked her any kind of questions. It was safer, really.

* * *

Gibbs smiled when he head the telltale click of Jenny's heels on the stairs, and that smile was extended to her as she approached him.

"How was Heather's?"

She smiled, running her hand lightly over the boat as she walked.

"Fine. Daniel Way was there."

Gibbs frowned.

"The lawyer?"

"Yep. He's a friend of David's."

"Damn lawyers always sticking together," he muttered.

She laughed, stopping just in front of him, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. He leaned over to kiss her and when he frowned as he pulled away, she was confused.

"What's wrong?"

"You taste like mint."

"Excuse me?"

"Mint," he repeated, "You don't chew gum anymore, and it's too early for you to have brushed your teeth, so why?"

"Are you serious?"

He nodded. She ran her hand through her hair and sighed.

"Fine. Heather ordered Italian for lunch, and I didn't particularly think you would want to kiss me if I'd still tasted like garlic. Satisfied?"

It was partially the truth, so she was confident enough to meet his eyes steadily. When he nodded, she knew that her right eye hadn't given her away and she nearly smiled in relief.

"Could have brought some back," he joked.

"I don't share Italian, Jethro."

He smirked at her honesty and when she kissed him again, his hand tangled into her hair. She gasped as he swept his tongue over hers and he lifted her off her feet. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she leaned back slightly, trying to catch his eyes.

"Really, Jethro? The table in your basement?"

He shrugged.

"Never bothered you before."

"Yeah, but usually you clean off space first."

He frowned, examining the table. She had a point. Setting her down carefully, he swept his arm over the table, smirking at her as the tools clattered loudly to the floor.

"Better?"

She nodded, and he lifted her onto the surface. He couldn't quite shake the feeling that something was wrong, that she was hiding something from him, but when she pulled her shirt over her head, he found that (at least for the moment), it didn't really matter.

* * *

Turning on the water and letting it run, Jenny rummaged around in the pile of clothing she'd carried with her to the bathroom. Wrapped carefully among the layers of her shirt was a half-full bottle of bourbon, and she placed it on the edge of the tub. She'd made absolutely sure to lock the door before she'd undressed and when she stepped under the steady stream of hot water, she closed her eyes tightly.

She knew, even as she unscrewed the cap on the bottle, that what she was doing was wrong, that Gibbs would be beyond disappointed in her if he knew she'd started drinking again, but she couldn't stop. Shooting Sergeant Rice on that rooftop last week had really shaken her, though she couldn't have told anyone why, and she had been trying to put it behind her ever since. The liquid burned a path down her throat, and she shuddered as the taste lingered in her mouth. It had been long enough since she'd drank that it took less for her to begin feeling the effects and she smiled as she picked up her razor.

Though she was careful, the blade still nicked her skin as she shaved, and she swore, hissing in pain. Blood dripped slightly down her leg, and as she stared down at it, she frowned. It was a small cut, nothing to be concerned about, but the sight of the blood calmed her in a way that she hadn't experienced in years. The water stung as it hit the small cut and though it was painful, she welcomed it. Physical pain was something she knew how to handle. Emotional pain...that was another story entirely.

Shaking her head, Jenny rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and as she shut off the water, she smacked herself on the back of her head.

"Don't be an idiot, Shepard."

If she took that first step, Jenny knew there would be no turning back, and she wasn't sure, no matter how much better she would feel, if she was ready to go down that road again.

* * *

Watching Jenny sleep, Gibbs smiled as he leaned over to kiss her hair gently. He'd been tempted to join her in the shower, but when he'd realised she had locked the door, he'd taken that to mean that she wanted to relax. He grabbed a towel, and as he searched in the bathroom closet for his shaving kit, he frowned when his hand touched smooth glass. Behind the mountain of towels, buried under an old pair of swimming trunks, was a bottle. An empty bottle, he noticed.

He pulled it free, turning it over in his hands, and the anger that flared up was strong enough that he nearly threw the bottle across the room. Though he knew he should probably calm down, he tightened his grip on the neck and stormed back into the bedroom. He reached out, roughly shaking the sleeping redhead and when she blinked up at him, he glared at her with pure fury.

"What the hell, Jen?"

"What's wro—"

He held the bottle out for her to see and she turned her head away.

"Where did this come from? Did you really think that you could hide this from me? That I wouldn't figure it out?"

"Jethro, I—"

"This isn't a goddamned game, Jenny!"

"I didn't say it was. If you would just let me—"

He shook his head, cutting her off.

"Let you what? Explain? I don't think so. Not this time."

"Wait just a damn minute," she spat angrily, "What happened to all your talk about how you knew there would be setbacks, how you knew it wouldn't be easy? Where's that attitude? You didn't mean any of it. You expect me to be able to just stop. No questions, no excuses. It isn't going to happen that way, and you damn well know it!"

He shook his head again, glaring at her. She stood up, emerald locking on sapphire, and when she tried to touch him, he jerked away.

"Get out. Now. I can't even look at you right now."

She frowned, yet stayed where she was.

"You fucking bastard," she whispered, "You're so quick to tell me that you're going to be there to help me through this. So quick to tell me that you support me, yet when I fall short, when I'm not absolutely perfect, you push me away. You treat me like a goddamned criminal, like I'm nothing more than a stupid child."

He laughed bitterly, his eyes hard.

"I supported you. Who was it that came to your house when you had a panic attack because the press found out about your rape case? Who was it that put bullets in both of the Harrisons to keep you safe? Who saved your life when you tried to kill yourself a few months ago? Jen, who the hell was it who watched you go through withdrawls and held you through every damn minute of it? I did! I was there for all of it! I supported you through everything, and you're throwing it away."

Her eyes flashed dangerously, and when she spoke, her voice was colder than ice.

"Do you want a fucking medal? Don't even try to act like this was one-sided. I offer you my support every day, but you're too afraid to trust anyone, to open up and share any part of you that could be vulnerable! I can't help you if I don't know that there's a problem! It isn't my fault that you shut me out! You won't talk to me. About Shannon, about Kelly...about _anything_! I learned more about you from your father than I have from you!"

She was crying now, angry tears falling onto the floor, and she shook her head.

"Even now, after everything, after all this time...you don't trust me."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it? You drink your pain away just as much as I do! I know you, Jethro! I can see it in your eyes. It never leaves you. It haunts you, and you think that by pushing it to the side, by focusing on everyone else's problems, that you can forget it. But you can't, and you don't even trust me enough to talk about it. The person you supposedly want to marry."

He frowned at that, and looked at her seriously.

"Supposedly?" he repeated.

"Yes, Jethro, supposedly! You say you love me, which is a miracle in and of itself that I never thought would happen, you say that you want to marry me, but you don't communicate. We can read each other like a book about most things, have entire conversations with just our eyes, but when it comes down to really giving me your heart, you shut it down!"

She was twisting her hands together, a sure sign that she was nervous, and when he glared at her again, he couldn't keep the anger from his voice.

"You knew damn well when we first met that I had a past. Should I have told you about it from the start? Probably, but I'm human, Jenny. We all make mistakes, and for you to stand there and judge mine is a low blow."

"Fuck you," she whispered, "You judged me as soon as you found that bottle. You just don't have the guts to admit it."

She threw her arm out, and he winced as he was hit in the face by whatever she'd held in her hand. It wasn't until he blinked and looked down that he realised she'd thrown her ring at him. Without waiting for a response, she grabbed her phone and purse, slamming the bedroom door behind her. The front door followed, and when he finally realised that she was truly gone, it was too late.

* * *

Though she wanted nothing more than a drink, Jenny purposefully steered clear of any alcohol as she sat down on her couch. Her finger felt strange without the weight of her ring, and as she stared down at her bare hand, she finally allowed herself to cry. She knew that her drinking had started the argument, but she'd have been lying if she'd said that it hadn't been a long time coming between them. She'd never expected it to go quite this far, though, and she wiped furiously at her tears as she curled up on the couch. How had this happened?

* * *

It occurred to him as he stumbled up the basement steps, phone held tightly in his hand, that he was drunk. He hadn't been so inebriated in years and when he walked into the bedroom, he frowned. He'd thought that perhaps she would come back, that maybe they would be able to talk through this, but the room was noticeably empty. Her absence hung over the room like a cloud, and as he walked around the bed, he noticed a glint of silver on the floor.

He knelt to pick it up, stumbling in his intoxication, and as he landed roughly on the ground, he swore. Holding the ring between his fingers, he frowned at how much smaller it was than the one he had on his bedside table. It was a ridiculous thing to focus on, yet he smiled as the thought brought back memories of her hands. He could almost feel her hand in his, and as he pulled out his phone, he sighed.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Duck."

"Jethro. It's quite late, is something wrong?"

Gibbs frowned. He hadn't even thought to check the time.

"Jenny's gone."

"What do you mean? Gone how?"

"She left me. Again."

He couldn't keep the bitter laugh from escaping, and he leaned back against the bed, closing his eyes.

"What happened?"

Gibbs shrugged, then remembered that the doctor couldn't see him.

"Had a fight. Said a lot of bad things. Told her that she didn't appreciate my support. Basically, anyway."

"You said that to her?" Ducky's voice betrayed his shock.

"Not in so many words, but yeah," Gibbs replied, his words slurring slightly.

The doctor sighed.

"Jethro, are you drunk?"

"You know what...I think I am."

"Jethro, get some sleep. Talk to Jennifer in the morning and perhaps you'll be thinking more clearly. Maybe then you can talk this out."

"Wasn't drunk when we had the fight, Duck. 'sides, she doesn't want to talk."

Ducky sighed again and tried to think.

"How do you know that?"

"She threw her ring at me. It's in my hand right now."

"Oh, dear. You two may have caused irreparable damage this time."

Gibbs sat up sharply, instantly regretting the action. His vision swam, and he laid his head slowly on his knees, praying he wouldn't vomit.

"I can't lose her, Duck. Not again. I love her."

"Yes, I know you do. And she loves you. But love isn't the only thing that saves a relationship. It takes work. Communication. Trust. Neither of those are things that you do easily, and she doesn't trust others either, but you have to trust each other."

Gibbs frowned again, raising his head up carefully.

"How do I make her see that I trust her?"

"It will take time. But you'd better start fast."

Thanking the doctor, Gibbs hung up, standing on unsteady feet. He fell onto the bed, pulling Jenny's pillow close to him and breathing in deeply. Her perfume still lingered on the fabric and when he passed out minutes later, her ring was still held tightly in his hand.

* * *

Groaning as her phone tore her from a restless slumber, Jenny sighed as she glanced at the time.

"Shepard," she answered, her voice thick with sleep.

"Jennifer, I know it's unfathomably late, but I need to talk to you."

"What is it, Ducky?"

"It's about Jethro."

She groaned again, turning on the couch and throwing her hand over her eyes.

"Ducky, no offense, but I don't want to talk about Jethro. I don't need you to be the middle man in this."

Ducky sighed.

"I know, my dear, but you need to know how much this is hurting him. He's drunk, and I'm very concerned."

She laughed, running her hand through her tangled hair.

"It's not like he hasn't gotten drunk before."

"Yes, but he was nearly incoherent. I've never known him to even slightly slur his words when he drinks, and I could hardly make out what he was saying."

Damn. She had to admit that Ducky had a point. Gibbs held his liquor better than even she herself did. If he was as intoxicated as the older man said, she knew he wasn't coping.

"Ducky, we had a fight. He'll be fine in the morning."

"He told me that you took off your ring."

Shit.

"Yeah...I did. Ducky...I can't marry him if he won't trust me. He never wants to talk about anything that bothers him, and I know that men aren't much for talking about their feelings, but just once I would like to be able to help him through it. I feel like it's so one-sided sometimes because he won't _let_ me help him."

"He knows you're there, Jennifer. He loves you more than you realise, and he trusts you with his life. More importantly, he trusts you with his heart."

She sighed, wiping away a few stray tears.

"Maybe he does...but I need to hear it from him, Ducky."

* * *

Gibbs smiled when he woke up to the sweet scent of Jenny's perfume. His head was pounding, and though he wanted nothing more than to bury his head in her shoulder and sleep, he knew he had to get up and prepare for work. He opened his eyes slowly, and when he realised that she was nowhere to be found, he frowned. Her pillow was next to him and he opened his hand slowly. The silver ring in his palm served to remind him of their argument, and he swore as the previous nights events came crashing in his mind.

He needed a shower and coffee in the worst way, and as he stepped under the hot water, he prayed that they wouldn't get a case today. He knew there was no way in hell he would be able to focus on anything other than the blinding pain in his head. Damn, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

Jenny had been avoiding him all day, and while he knew she was still angry, it didn't give her the right to shirk her duties as Director. When he tried to walk through her door, he was surprised when the handle merely slid through his fingers and he frowned. Cynthia had gone for her lunch, so at least she hadn't witnessed _that_ particular embarrassment, but it was still infuriating.

He knocked on the door, waiting impatiently for her to unlock it, and when it finally swung open, he was unprepared for the anger in her eyes.

"Can I help you, Agent Gibbs?"

"Your door was locked," he said roughly.

"Yes. It was. Did you need something, or did you come up here simply to tell me about the locking mechanisms of my office door?"

He held up a folder.

"Need your signature."

"Leave it on Cynthia's desk. That is part of why she's here. If there's nothing else I can do for you, please go back down to the squad room."

He frowned, looking at her seriously.

"Jen, we—"

"Agent Gibbs, need I remind you that my title is Director? You will address me as such, or if that's too difficult for you, ma'am will suffice."

She closed the door, locking it again, and he simply stared at it for almost a full minute. When he decided that she wasn't going to open it, he angrily tossed the folder in his hand onto Cynthia's desk, nearly crashing into the younger woman as she returned from her lunch break. She stared after him in shock, and when she picked up the folder on her desk, she understood.

Knocking lightly on the silver door, she smiled when Jenny opened it and held out the folder.

"Agent Gibbs left this for you to sign."

The redhead nodded, briefly giving her a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Thank you, Cynthia. If he gives you any trouble today, please let me know."

"Yes, ma'am."

The door closed again, and if Cynthia was surprised to hear the lock click, she didn't let it show.

* * *

Sighing as she flipped through her reports, Jenny tried in vain to distract herself from the fact that a certain silver-haired agent was sitting just a floor below her. She'd been colder than she'd really wanted to be with him earlier, but she'd needed him to understand just how much their fight had hurt her. She couldn't keep giving in so quickly every time they fought, couldn't keep blindly believing him each time he said he trusted her. She needed proof, tangible evidence that he loved her enough to communicate with her, and until she found it, she would keep her distance. Nevermind the fact that it was nearly killing her to do so.

She knew that she'd always been somewhat blind when it came to him. Always let him get away with things that she would have condemned in anyone else, and as much as she loved him, she had to stop making excuses for him. Yes, she'd messed up. She knew that without a doubt. But even though he'd said he would help her, she hadn't wanted to burden him. Relationships were give and take, and his lack of communication made her feel as though all she'd ever done was take from him.

She didn't like feeling as though she didn't support him even though she knew she did, and she knew that if he would simply tell her when something was bothering him, she wouldn't feel so useless. She wanted to give him support, be the person he turned to when he needed to talk, or vent, but how was she supposed to do that if he never talked to her?

As she searched through her desk for a pen, she frowned when her fingers brushed over the picture she always kept in the back of the drawer. He'd given it to her when he'd returned from Mexico to prove to her that he did remember their time in Serbia, and she sighed. She couldn't remember the exact date that the photo had been taken, but she remembered the aftermath of the look in his eyes as he'd gazed at her through the lens. This fight was making her question everything she thought she'd known about their relationship, and she wondered if it really was all about sex with them. They'd joked about it before, but she had never truly believed it. Now, she wasn't so sure.

Finally finding her pen, she closed the drawer, wincing as it slammed shut on her hand, and she swore. Examining it carefully, she was relieved to find that it hadn't broken the skin and the steady throb of pain was enough to distract her from her jumbled thoughts. A sudden idea came to her and before she knew what she'd done, her knife was held in her hand, and a steady stream of blood dripped down her arm.

As she made her way into her bathroom, she wondered if it had been a one-off slip, or if this were a sign of something more. In a way, she supposed it didn't really matter, and when she wrapped the cut tightly, she was thankful that her blazer was black enough to hide the blood that had stained the fabric.

* * *

Gibbs was furious. Actually, furious didn't even _begin_ to cover it. They'd fought before. Hell, their screaming matches were legendary at the office, and never...not _once_, had Jenny ever locked her door. It was nearly time for him to leave, and he'd been sneaking glances up at the catwalk all day, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. It seemed Her Majesty was staying locked in her throne room, however, so he stood to make his way to the elevator.

It opened slowly and he frowned as he stepped in. Wordlessly, he hit the button for the floor he wanted, deliberately ignoring the urge he had to storm up to her office and demand that she talk to him. He knew he was being stubborn, but damn it, so was she. Two could play it that way, and he'd be damned if he was going to admit defeat so early on. No matter how badly he wanted to.

* * *

Her first thought as the blood wrapped around her wrist (_It looks like a satin ribbon_) came to her in a haze as she cleaned it slowly, and she moved slightly, lifting up her shirt. The scars from Jonathan Harrison's attack had almost entirely faded from her stomach, and she traced over them with the blade in her hand. It hurt, not enough to distract her however, and she returned again to her wrist. Trying to line the knife up again with the previous cut, she pressed down harder, and as it bit into her flesh, she smiled.

There it was: the pain that she could handle. She could cope with this, and as she held the cloth in her other hand to the cut, she let the knife fall to the floor. Deciding that she would pick it up later, she frowned as she walked slowly back into her living room, falling on the couch in a manner than was less-than-graceful. The low ringing of her phone made her roll her eyes and when she saw the name on the caller ID, she groaned.

His words about being unreachable echoed in her mind, and she picked up the phone slowly. Her finger hovered over the button, and with a sigh, she tossed it next to her, not even caring as it went to her voicemail. Rule three be damned. She didn't want to talk to him, and she wasn't obligated to live her life by his rules.

* * *

When Jenny's voicemail picked up, Gibbs frowned and hung up. He wasn't one for leaving messages, and though he'd been determined to wait her out regarding their fight, his mind seemed to be working against him. He'd fallen asleep working on his boat and rather than dream of Jenny as he had expected, his dreams had been filled with Shannon and Kelly. Waking up with their faces fresh in his mind had prompted him to call the one woman he'd truly loved since their deaths, and when she hadn't answered, it had hit him like a ton of bricks. Sighing, he called Ducky, hoping that perhaps the older man could provide some much needed wisdom.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ducky. You busy?"

"Not at all, just sitting down to a cup of tea. I trust you're less inebriated than the last time we spoke?"

"Yeah...about that...I shouldn't have done that."

He heard the doctor laugh and smiled.

"It's quite alright. How are you doing today?"

"Well, still haven't talked to Jen. I called and she didn't answer."

"Give her time, Jethro. She's likely experiencing a lot of emotions that she needs to process."

"Have you talked to her? What did she say?"

Ducky sighed, and Gibbs ran his hand through his hair, waiting. There was a long pause and for a moment, Gibbs was afraid he wouldn't answer.

"She doesn't feel as though you trust her."

"That's crazy, Duck."

"Is it? Jethro, how often do talk to Jennifer about your emotions? About the things that bother you?"

"Come on. That's got nothing to do with it."

"On the contrary, Jethro. It has everything to do with it. She feels as though your relationship is one-sided when it comes to showing support because you never give her the opportunity to help you. You need to talk to her. Not just to work through this argument, but if you don't want to lose her completely, whenever you can."

Gibbs sighed, knowing that Ducky was right. He thanked him and just before he hung up, he heard the Scottish doctor's voice softly in his ear.

"Two of the smartest idiots in love I know. Too stubborn for their own good."

He smirked.

"I heard that, Duck."

"You were meant to," came the smart reply.

* * *

Gibbs had decided that if Jenny wasn't going to answer his calls, he would simply wait for her in her office until she arrived. He'd purposefully arrived at an ungodly hour, only moderately surprised that she'd left the door unlocked, and as he sat behind her desk, he amused himself by spinning lazily in her chair. According to his watch, it was nearing 05:30, and he smirked. Jenny would be arriving in a few minutes, and he propped his feet up on her desk.

When the door opened, Jenny flipped on the light switch, and as she turned to face the desk, she jumped when she saw him. The coffee held in her hand fell to the floor, and she glared at him.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jethro! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

He shrugged, looking at her seriously. She knelt down to pick up her spilled coffee and as she tossed the cup into the bin, her eyes narrowed at him.

"Mind telling me what the hell you're doing in _my_ office at 05:30 without my permission?"

"Needed to talk to you."

"Haven't you ever heard of a phone, Gibbs?"

"Tried that. You didn't answer," he pointed out.

She straightened up, her eyes locking on his and she nodded.

"Get out of my chair. Now."

He did as he was told, intentionally walking around the side farthest away from her as she approached her desk, and when she sat down, she frowned.

"Okay. Talk."

"You're wrong, Jen."

"Oh, great start," she deadpanned.

He glared and she sighed.

"Go on, then."

"You're wrong," he repeated, "I do trust you. With everything. I'm not the best at talking about my emotions, never have been, but I'm going to do that for you. I have a hard time telling you when something bothers me because I know you have your own problems and life to deal with and I don't want to make it worse. I don't want you to see me as anything even close to being weak, and I don't want you to look at me differently."

"Do you realise that you've said almost the exact same thing that I said to you when we were dealing with Harrison? We both hate appearing weak, nevermind acknowledging that we feel that way, and we don't want to seem vulnerable to anyone."

He'd never stopped to consider it, but she was right. Her eyes met his steadily, and she continued.

"This isn't something that we can fix with sex. We always end up having sex as a way to ignore the deeper emotions of our problems, and that won't work here. Unless that's all we've ever been about."

He frowned, confused by her switch in gears.

"What?"

"Jethro, I need to know the truth. I've slept with men that I didn't love before. I know how it works. I know the body language: the way heads turn, necks arch, legs tangle together, but you never connect with the eyes. You and me...we never take our eyes off each other. So, I have to know: are you really that good an actor and I only saw what I wanted to see? I saw the emotion in your eyes, and I wanted to see it, God knows I did. But was it real?"

He walked around her desk, kneeling in front of her chair, and he stared into her eyes seriously.

"Jen...you are the only woman in the world that I've loved since Shannon. What we have is real, and it would kill me to lose you. Don't walk away from us. I know I'm not good with words like you are, but I'm going to make the conscious effort to talk to you. And if I don't, I give you full permission to slap the hell out of me whenever you deem necessary."

Her eyes searched his, looking for any sign that he was lying to her, and when she nodded, he gave her a small smile. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out her ring, holding it out to her.

"Jenny, will you marry me?"

She smiled, holding out her left hand. He slid the ring onto her finger, and he kissed her hand gently. Glancing down at her finger, she laughed softly and he frowned.

"What?"

"My hand felt so empty without this ring," she said quietly, "It's good to have it back."

He straightened up, pulling her with him and he frowned when she winced at the movement.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Fine."

Her eye twitched and he shook his head.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked suspiciously.

"No," she replied indignantly, "Believe it or not, I'm not always drunk. I haven't touched it since our fight."

Jenny walked around him, and when she ran her hand through her hair, he caught sight of the bandage on her arm. He frowned, approaching her slowly, and he touched her shoulder gently.

"What happened to your arm?"

"I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me, Jen."

She sighed, pushing back the sleeve of her jacket, and he knew, even without seeing the injury, what she had done. He reached for her wrist, his eyes sad as he touched the bandage gently, and he looked at her carefully.

"Is this the only one?"

She shook her head, and raised her shirt slowly. She hadn't bothered to place bandages on the shallow cuts on her stomach, and his fingers brushed tenderly over the slightly raised cuts. She didn't move away, but she wouldn't look at him. He tucked her hair behind her ear and tilted her chin up, willing her to meet his eyes.

"Why?"

"I..I didn't know how to deal with our fight. I needed something to help me cope, and since I can't drink..."

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her hair gently.

"Oh, Jen...we're gonna get through this. You just slipped, it's okay. It doesn't mean you failed."

She shook her head.

"What if I'm just trading one addiction for another?"

He looked down at her, his eyes serious.

"You're not. This was just a slip. If you ever feel like you're going to do it again, come find me. Or call. Tell me how you're feeling. We're going to start talking about these things more."

She met his eyes finally, and when she raised up to kiss him gently, he tightened his hold on her. As she stepped out of his arms, she glanced at her watch, and smiled.

"We should get ready to actually start work."

He nodded.

"Yes, ma'am."

He kissed her again, and as he reached her door, she called his name. He turned, raising his eyebrow and she looked at him seriously.

"You owe me a cup of coffee."

He laughed, opening the door and nodding.

"I'll bring it right up, Director Shepard."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Reviews are like wine (amazing and make me smile)!**


	35. Simmer

**A/N: In which Jenny helps Gibbs through a rough event, and Tori finally gets to see the "pirate ship" in his basement. Hope you like it!**

* * *

Though he'd tried to ignore it, Gibbs had become painfully aware of the date, and it seemed to sneak up on him faster every year. He'd hoped that by helping Jenny through her withdrawls, he would have been distracted enough to forget it, but he frowned as he poured himself a drink. May 19th was a rough day, had been for the past fifteen years, and he swallowed the bourbon quickly. He'd hidden it carefully, in the one place he knew Jenny wouldn't find it, and as he topped off the glass, he stashed it in its hiding place.

Her soft footsteps signaled her return to the basement, and she frowned at the mason jar on the table.

"Where did that come from?"

"Don't you worry your gorgeous head about it."

She rolled her eyes, looking at him seriously.

"I don't care if you drink around me. I can handle it."

He nodded, taking a slow drink and picking up his paint brush. The boat was almost finished, and she smiled as she watched him work.

"You're never going to tell me how it is that you get the boat out of here, are you?"

He shook his head, glancing at her over his shoulder.

"Ruins the mystery, Jen."

She walked closer, placing her hand on his shoulder and leaned down to kiss his cheek. He'd been unusually quiet, even for him, and it was beginning to worry her. Her hand lingered for a moment and he looked at her pointedly.

"What?"

"Jethro, is...is everything okay? You've seemed even more silent than usual. If that's even possible."

He kissed her gently, and she could taste the bourbon on his lips. It ended far too soon for her liking, and he nodded at her as he moved around her.

"I'm fine, Jen."

"Are you sure?"

He sighed, and rolled his eyes at her. She got the hint, turning on her heel and making her way to the steps, and when the basement door shut behind her, he frowned. It opened again seconds later, and her footsteps were decidedly more heavy than they'd been previously.

"Cut the bullshit, Jethro. Something is bothering you, and I'm not leaving until you tell me what it is."

"I told you I'm fine."

She shook her head, red hair flying over her shoulder.

"You told me that you would start talking to me. Was that a lie?"

"No."

"Then tell me."

She walked closer, eyeing the drink in his hand and placed her hand on his wrist to stop him from raising it.

"Stop hiding behind a glare and a mason jar. Talk to me. Please."

"Jen..."

"If you don't, I'm taking your bourbon and getting rid of it."

His eyes narrowed at her and she raised her eyebrow in a silent challenge.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

He raised the glass to his lips, taking a slow drink and her hand reached for it, pulling it from his grasp. Before he could stop her, she had downed the entire glass, shuddering at the bitterness and he slapped the back of her head a bit harder than he meant to.

"Jenny, what the hell?"

She delivered her own slap to the back of his head and his glare intensified.

"You told me that I had permission to slap you if you refused to talk to me," she reminded him.

He nodded, still unable to believe she had drank the entire glass.

"Fair enough."

She slid onto the stool in front of him, waiting for him to take his own seat. He did so, looking down at the work table, and when she reached for his hand, he raised his eyes to hers.

"Tomorrow is the 19th."

She nodded.

"Yes, it is."

He sighed, his breath shaky and he ran his hand through his hair.

"It's Kelly's birthday."

She was silent, her other hand reaching up to touch his cheek gently. He closed his eyes, trying to pretend that he didn't feel the prickling of tears in them, and she spoke quietly.

"How old would she have been?"

"Twenty-two."

Jenny nodded, her hand still holding his.

"I'm so sorry, Jethro."

He opened his eyes, looking at her seriously.

"So am I."

"How can I help?"

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes again, and she brought his hand to her lips, kissing it softly.

"I don't know. I always try to ignore it. To pretend like it's just another day. The older I get, the harder it is. She was so young...her whole life was ahead of her. And I failed her. I should have been here to protect them. What kind of father am I that I couldn't even save my own daughter?"

Jenny shook her head, forcing him to look at her.

"You didn't have a choice. You were an amazing father. Still are. I've seen you with Tori, with Abby, Ziva...they love you so much, just like Kelly did. Don't ever think that you were a bad father."

"She begged me not to go, Jen," his voice was hoarse, "She begged me to stay, and I got in my damn truck and drove away."

"You were doing your job, Jethro. She knew that, deep down. You were that little girl's entire world, and she was yours. You did the right thing."

"I miss her so much," he whispered.

As she watched the tears finally fall from those bright blue eyes that she loved so much, Jenny felt a piece of her heart shatter. Wrapping her arms around him, she kissed his temple as he laid his head on her shoulder, and when she spoke, she wasn't surprised to find her own tears falling.

"I know, Jethro. I know."

* * *

As Jenny laid in bed waiting for Gibbs to come up, she frowned. The bourbon coursing through her veins had tasted better than anything she'd had in days, and her body was positively screaming for more. She was worried about him, and though she'd wracked her brain, she couldn't think of anything that would be good enough to help him through the pain of losing his daughter. She stood up, making her way quietly to the room she knew had once been Kelly's and she glanced over her shoulder before pushing open the door.

It hadn't been touched since Kelly had passed, save for the few boxes Gibbs had placed in the room for safekeeping, and as Jenny stared at it in heartbroken wonder, she felt tears fill her eyes again. He had put everything that reminded him of his little girl in this room, with the exception of the cup downstairs on the bookshelf, and as she gingerly reached out to pick up a stuffed rabbit, she fought to keep her hands steady.

The toy was well-worn and loved, that much was evident, and Jenny placed it carefully back where she'd found it. She turned her attention to the box sitting on the bed, and when she pulled out a box of videotapes, she smiled as she read the titles.

_Kelly's First Steps_

_ Kelly and Shannon_

_ Kelly and Jethro_

Suddenly, Jenny knew what she was going to do, and she only hoped that it wouldn't end disastrously.

* * *

Gibbs sighed as Jenny forced him to sit in the living room the next day, and he rolled his eyes when she asked him for the television remote. It flickered on and she took her place beside him on the couch, and reached for his hand, meeting his eyes seriously.

"Jethro...this might be difficult for you, but I would really appreciate it if you gave me a chance."

He frowned.

"What are you doing?"

"Trust me. Please."

Nodding, he turned his attention to the screen and as the film filled the blackness, he frowned. It was surreal, seeing himself twenty years younger on a television screen, and he looked at the redhead seriously.

"Jen, what—"

"I want you to watch these. And then I want you to talk to me."

Though he was more than a little skeptical, he nodded, his eyes going back to the screen. His eyes filled with tears as he watched himself hold his daughter, smiling at her bright laughter, and when he wrapped an arm around Jenny, she leaned into him with a smile.

_"Jethro, she's never going to walk if you don't put her down."_

_ Shannon's voice was filled with laughter and he smiled, setting the little girl carefully on her feet. She held on to the chair next to her and he walked a few feet away, near enough to catch her if she fell, yet far enough away that she could make progress._

_ "Okay, Kelly. Walk to Daddy."_

_ Her bright eyes looked to Shannon and she laughed._

_ "Go on, Kelly. You can do it."_

_ Kelly looked down at her feet, and lifted one slowly. Placing it down carefully, she looked to her father as she realised she had moved, and he gave her an encouraging smile._

_ "Come on, baby. You can do it. Come to Daddy."_

_ She took another hesitant step and her eyes lit up as she moved again. More confident now, she tried to move faster, and within seconds, she was in her father's arms again, and he placed a kiss to the side of her head._

_ "See, I knew you could do it. That's my girl."_

_ Shannon stepped out from behind the camera and hugged them both. Kelly gave them both kisses on the cheek and the tape shut off, leaving static._

Gibbs looked over at Jenny, and as she met his eyes, she was surprised to find that he was smiling.

"Where did you find these?"

She shrugged, knowing he already knew the answer.

"In her room. I thought that if you focused on the happy memories you had with her, it would make the day easier."

He kissed her hair gently, and she gave him a weak smile.

"You aren't mad at me for this, are you?"

"No. You were right. It did make it easier. Remembering her that way...she was so happy and always smiling. Just like Shannon."

"What do you remember most about them?"

He frowned, thinking.

"Shannon...she's the reason I have my rules. She was working on her own list when we met. Inspired me to do the same. She always looked for the best in people, but god...she could be stubborn. Almost as bad as you. She loved to paint, but she wasn't very good. She said she mainly just liked throwing paint around and seeing what happened."

Jenny smiled, laughing quietly.

"What about Kelly?"

"She loved horses. Always wanted one, even though there was no possible way we could have had one. We used to ride them every summer. We'd go fishing, ride horses, and tell ghost stories at night. She wanted to be a princess, but not a typical damsel-in-distress princess. She wanted to be more like Princess Leia."

Nodding, Jenny moved closer to him, and laid her head on his shoulder.

"She sounds a lot like you."

"She was, but there was a lot of Shannon in her, too. Her forgiveness, her happy smile, that was all Shannon."

He paused, looking down at her, and he kissed her gently.

"Thank you. You made this easier than I would have ever thought possible."

"Believe it or not, I can be helpful."

"Oh?"

"Don't get used to it."

He smirked, standing up from the couch and holding out his hand.

"Where are we going? There's still more to watch."

"Later."

He led her up the stairs, sitting down on the bed and when he pulled her into his arms, she frowned. She curled into his embrace, unsure of what he expected, and when she looked up at him, he met her eyes seriously.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Nothing. I just want to hold you for awhile."

She nodded, burying her head in his chest, and when she felt a tear drip onto her hair, she wisely said nothing. If this was what he needed to help him through this, she would have more than gladly stayed in his arms for all of eternity.

* * *

Long after Gibbs had retreated to the sanctity of his basement, Jenny laid curled up on his couch, the remote clutched tightly in her hand. She'd been going through the rest of the home videos, and as she watched them, she gained a better understanding of what his life with Shannon and Kelly had been like. She'd never seen him quite as happy as when he looked at his daughter, and though she'd never admit it, it made her feel more than a little sad.

As much as she loved him and as much as she was able to ease some of his pain, she could never give him that pure happiness he'd had with his family. She pulled out her phone, eyes still glued to the screen, but before she could dial, she heard the sound of soft footsteps coming up from the basement. Wiping her tears away, she painted a smile on her face, and when he sat down next to her, he frowned.

"You're still watching these?"

She nodded, and even in the darkness, he could detect that something was off with her.

"Jen, what's wrong?"

She sighed. Communication worked both ways, yes, but she felt like this was simply another case of her leaning on him rather than the other way around.

"Talk to me."

"I just...I see how happy you were on these tapes. With Kelly. I can't give you that. We don't have children, and I feel like maybe I'm depriving you of something that you really want."

He shook his head.

"Jen, if it was really important for me to have more children, don't you think I would have told you? Besides, we have Tori. She's not ours, but we can spoil her just the same."

She nodded slowly, and he wrapped his arm around her. Her head rested on his shoulder, and when he reached out to smack the back of her head lightly, she frowned.

"What was that for?"

"You drank my bourbon."

"Sharing is what nice people do, Jethro."

He laughed quietly, and she smiled as she heard the sound.

"Never claimed to be nice, Jen."

"Fair enough."

Shifting slightly, he looked down at her seriously, and sighed.

"Seriously, though...you're still in the early part of recovery. I don't want you to risk your health for something like that."

"Next time, you'll talk to me then, won't you?"

He nodded, kissing her hair.

"Yeah."

Jenny was silent for a long time, and he wondered if she had fallen asleep. Just as he was about to stand and carry her to the bedroom, her voice startled him, though it was soft and slightly hesitant.

"Tell me about the day Kelly was born."

He smiled, remembering the day well.

"Well, it was a Saturday, and I had gone to have a beer with some of the guys from my unit. It was about 17:20, and luckily, I didn't drink as much back then as I do now."

Jenny laughed and he glared at her.

"Hush. Anyway, so I'm sitting in this bar with a few of the guys, and suddenly the bartender walks over and asks for our names. We were all a little confused, but we told him anyway. He looked at me and told me that I needed to leave the bar as soon as possible and I got a little angry. I mean, I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he looked at me and said "Your wife is in labor. You need to get to the hospital". So I slammed some money down on the table and ran for the door. By the time I got there, they'd already gotten Shannon in a room and given her an epidural. She called me just about every curse word in the book that day, and for a woman who didn't really swear, it was pretty funny."

Jenny reached out, taking his hand, and he continued.

"Anyway, her labor was pretty easy, only about two hours, and when they handed Kelly to me and I cut the cord...I cried like a little girl, Jen. She was so small, so beautiful. She was perfect. She looked up at me with her big eyes and I couldn't believe that she was mine. I was responsible for keeping this tiny little girl alive...she was so small."

His voice faltered, and Jenny raised up on the couch, wrapping her arms around him. She said nothing as he cried in her arms, running her fingers through his hair, and she kissed his temple gently. She'd only seen him cry a few times in all the years she'd known him, but this was by far the most heartbreaking.

"I know, Jethro...it's okay."

Finally, he pulled away, his bright blue eyes locking on hers, and he wiped a hand over his face roughly. She reached for his hand and he gave her a smile.

"Thank you."

She frowned.

"For?"

"Today."

Jenny nodded, holding out her hand as she stood up and when he took it, she led him to the stairs.

"Come on. You need to get some sleep that doesn't involve a boat, and I'm not taking "no" for an answer."

"Aw hell, Jen—"

"If you so much as _think_ the words "I'm fine", I will walk right out that door and leave you," she threatened.

Shutting his mouth slowly, Gibbs nodded, allowing her to pull him up the stairs. He wasn't used to showing his emotions, but he couldn't deny that the day hadn't been nearly as difficult as he had feared. Maybe there was something to this "talking" thing after all...

* * *

After asking Gibbs if he'd minded, Jenny had invited Heather and Tori over to his house, and she couldn't stop herself from laughing at the shocked expression on the little girl's face as she stood in the basement.

"It's a real boat, Mommy!"

Heather nodded, laughing.

"I see it. Jethro, you built this?"

He shrugged.

"Yeah."

Tori walked up to it, crawling underneath it, and Heather took a step forward.

"Victoria, be careful!"

"I am."

Jenny laughed at Tori's independence and Heather glared at her, shaking her head.

"She remind you of anyone?"

"Yeah, you, Jenny. You were always climbing trees and getting hurt as a kid."

Shrugging, Jenny nodded to Gibbs.

"He won't let her get hurt. Come on, let's go upstairs and let them have a little time to bond."

Jenny led her sister back up to the living room and when they sat down on the couch, Jenny smiled softly in apology.

"I'm sorry I can't offer you a drink. I don't know where Jethro hid the alcohol."

Heather laughed, unaware that Jenny wasn't joking.

"He _hides_ the alcohol?"

Jenny nodded, looking at her sister seriously.

"He has to. Heather...I..." she sighed, biting her lip nervously, "I have a problem...drinking, I mean. I'm working on it, but I've only been sober for...well...not long."

Heather frowned and touched her knee gently.

"It's okay. After what you've been through, it's even expected. It happened to Mom right after Dad died."

Jenny frowned. She hadn't known that her mother had struggled with alcoholism.

"It did?"

"Yeah. Dad died, you ran back to college, I fell apart, and Mom...she drank. All the time. She's better now, but it took a long time for her to get through it."

Leaning back on the couch, Jenny took a deep breath. This information was a bit much for her to process, and when she spoke next, her voice shook slightly.

"Thanks for bringing Tori by. We love spending time with her."

"Anytime. She loves you guys."

Standing suddenly, Heather made her way to the basement steps. Jenny frowned and she smiled in apology.

"Sorry, I just remembered that I need to give Tori her medication. She's just gotten over a cold, and I don't want to risk her getting worse again."

"Go ahead. I'll be down in a minute."

* * *

As soon as Heather had disappeared down the steps, Jenny made her way to the kitchen. Picking up her purse, she rifled through it, trying to ignore the way her hands were shaking. Seeing Gibbs with Tori had only made her question her actions of the previous night, and she sighed as her fingers closed around her knife.

She didn't think about Tori and Heather being in the house. Didn't think about the tentative hold she had on recovery. Didn't think about the fact that she was wearing jeans and had no way to hide the blood. She could only think about the screaming in her head, telling her that she'd messed up, that bringing Tori by the day after Kelly's birthday could have been a disaster, that she wouldn't feel better until she acted. Dragging the blade across her calf, she barely registered the pain as she watched the blood seep through the denim.

Immediately, she felt calmer, letting out a breath that she hadn't realised she'd been holding, and she carefully cleaned the blade. She dropped it back into her purse, making her way over to the couch, and she collapsed on it, letting her head fall into her hands.

* * *

Tori pouted as Heather made her swallow the medicine she'd brought, and she looked at Gibbs seriously.

"This is cruel and unusual punishment," she remarked.

Heather and Gibbs exchanged a look.

"Where did you hear that phrase?" her mother asked.

"Daddy said it."

"Lawyers," Gibbs muttered.

He frowned, looking at Heather and then glancing around the room.

"Where's Jenny?"

"She said she'd be right down. Tori, why don't you go see if you can bring Aunt Jenny down here?"

Tori nodded, bouncing to the steps, and Heather turned to Gibbs.

"Jenny told me about yesterday being your daughter's birthday. If you want us to leave, we can. I know being around her that soon must be hard."

He shook his head.

"Nah. Makes it easier. Kids are full of life, energetic, happy. They remind me that life is precious and not to be wasted."

She smiled.

"That why you and my sister are getting married?"

"Something like that," he laughed.

"Jethro...I hope I'm not overstepping here, but I want to ask you something important."

He waited, and she took a deep breath.

"Would you and Jenny be Tori's god parents?"

Blinking, he tried to find his voice, but his vocal chords refused to obey his command. Finally, the words he did speak came out hoarse and he tried to explain.

"Um...let me...let me discuss it with Jen. It's not something I want to agree to without talking it over first. But between you and me, I would love to."

* * *

Tori peered around the couch at Jenny, wondering what was wrong, but not wanting to bother her. The older woman had her head in her hands, and Tori decided that a quiet approach was the best option.

"Aunt Jenny?"

She jumped at the soft voice and gave her a shaky smile.

"Hey, Tori. What are you doing up here? Get bored with the boat already?"

"No, Mommy wanted me to ask you to come back down."

Jenny nodded and stood, placing her weight carefully on her still-bleeding leg. Tori noticed the wince of pain and frowned, looking at her seriously.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jenny said, her voice tight, "I'm okay."

Tori looked down, her eyes widening at the blood staining Jenny's clothing and she frowned.

"You're bleeding."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

Without warning, Tori ran for the basement steps and Jenny tried in vain to stop her. She knew, without a doubt, that the little girl was going to get Gibbs, and she swore under her breath as she sank back down on the couch.

"Fuck," she whispered.

* * *

Tori's loud footsteps made both adults turn, and Gibbs frowned at the panicked expression on her face.

"What's wrong, Tori?" Heather asked,

"Aunt Jenny's bleeding!"

Gibbs crossed the room in two steps, Heather marveling at his speed, and she quickly followed him, hoping it wasn't serious. When she made it to the living room, Gibbs was already kneeling in front of the couch, and Jenny was trying desperately to convince him that she was fine. He glared at her, reaching for her ankle, and she shook her head.

"Jethro, it's nothing."

"Like hell. Let me see it, Jen."

Turning to her daughter, Heather knelt down.

"Tori, why don't you go play in the back yard? Stay close, though."

She nodded, looking at her mother worriedly.

"Is Aunt Jenny gonna be okay?"

"I'm sure she will. Go on, now."

Tori ran for the door, and Heather approached the pair on the couch slowly. Gibbs was still kneeling in front of it, but Jenny had leaned back, her outstretched leg held gently in his hands. He carefully peeling back the fabric, frowning when he saw the cut. Heather walked over slowly, sitting next to Jenny, and when she looked at her, the younger woman frowned.

"What happened, Jenny?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. It was just an accident."

Heather stared at her for a moment, then shook her head.

"Was it? Jenny...you did this yourself...didn't you?"

"No," Jenny answered quickly.

Too quickly, Heather thought. She looked at Gibbs as he stood to get a cloth to clean the cut and when he returned, he began carefully wiping the blood.

"You're lying. I'm not stupid, Jenny. I know you had a problem with...that. You don't have to lie about it now."

Jenny frowned, turning to face her sister.

"You knew?"

The younger sister nodded, looking into her green eyes seriously. She reached for her hand, and when Jenny looked away, she sighed.

"Come on, Jenny. Even Dad knew something was wrong. He didn't know what, but he knew you weren't dealing with stress well. You were always trying to be the best. The perfect student, perfect daughter, perfect sister, perfect girlfriend. It was obvious that you were struggling, but you wouldn't talk to anyone."

"Still doesn't," Gibbs remarked dryly.

Jenny slapped him lightly and Heather smiled.

"You didn't really think we were fooled by the "accident-prone" stories, did you? Yes, you were clumsy, but not like that. Every time I tried to talk to you about it, you would shut me out. You slammed the door in my face, literally, more times than I could count. Eventually, all I could do was pray that you didn't cut too deep."

Wincing as Gibbs tightened the bandage around her leg, Jenny suddenly felt like the worst person in the world. She'd always thought that her self-destructive tendencies had only affected her, that no one else would be concerned. Hearing that she had hurt both her sister and father felt like a punch to the stomach, and she blinked, praying the tears wouldn't fall.

"I didn't know you knew," she said quietly.

"You wouldn't have stopped even if you did. It was your coping mechanism. A bad one, yes, but for some reason, it was what you needed at the time. If Dad or I had confronted you about it, you would have run. You've always run from situations that you didn't think you could handle, Jenny."

"I can vouch for that," Gibbs deadpanned.

"Shut up, Jethro," Jenny snapped softly.

Heather hugged her, and Jenny returned it somewhat halfheartedly.

"You don't have to be perfect, Jenny. I'll always love you, no matter what. And I'm sure Jethro feels the same way."

He nodded, still kneeling on the floor, and reached for her hand.

"Like I told you, Jen. Not going anywhere. Rule 64, remember?"

Heather frowned, causing Jenny to laugh, and when the younger woman stood, she turned to the former marine sitting on the ground.

"I should go. Give you guys time to talk."

She held out her hand to Gibbs and he shook it, looking at her seriously.

"Think about my offer, Jethro."

As Tori was collected from the back yard and she hugged the little girl tightly, Jenny found herself wondering what on earth her sister had been talking about as she'd left. Once the front door had shut behind them, she looked to Gibbs, raising her eyebrow in question.

"She asked me if we would consider being Tori's god parents," he explained.

Jenny brought her hand to her mouth in shock, her eyes meeting his seriously.

"What did you tell her?"

He shrugged.

"Told her I would talk to you about it. It affects you, too. Can't make a decision like that on my own."

Jenny was silent as she thought it over, and when she smiled, he knew her decision had been made.

"I'd love to."

He nodded, moving to sit next to her on the couch and he tapped the bandage on her leg gently.

"What happened here?"

She shook her head.

"I don't know. I kept thinking about those tapes from last night and I worried that Tori being here the day after would be too much for you to handle, and I was so scared that I'd messed up."

He held her close, kissing her hair gently.

"If it had been too much, I would have said no. I'm not that damaged. I wish you would have told me."

"I didn't want to burden you with this."

He sighed, looking into her eyes.

"Jen, we both push our own pain to the back of our minds in a desperate attempt to protect each other. That's not going to work anymore. You said so yourself. If you're having a rough time, talk to me. If I can't handle it, believe me, I will tell you. Trust me enough to know my own limitations. Can you do that?"

She nodded, reaching out to touch his face gently.

"Can you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You do the same thing. That, and for some stupid reason men don't talk about their feelings. But you push yourself to the point of breaking because you're worried that I can't deal with what you're going through. I can, Jethro. I'm stronger than you know, and I want to help you. Please let me. Give me that chance."

He kissed her deeply, pushing her gently back against the back of the couch and when he pulled away, he gave her a smile.

"You're the only person that I ever talk to about my life. Except Ducky."

"I'm honoured," she said seriously.

"I love you, Jen."

She ran her fingers through his hair, and brought her lips to his in a long kiss.

"I love you, too."

Leaning into his embrace, she ran her fingers lightly over the denim covering his legs.

"I've been thinking."

"That usually gets you into trouble, Jen."

"Shut up."

He laughed and she continued softly.

"What would you say to an early autumn wedding? Leaves would be changing, it wouldn't be too hot, or too cold..."

"How early?"

"I was thinking maybe October."

He nodded, kissing her gently.

"I like it. How about the 13th? That's your favourite number, isn't it? Favourite month, too. It works both ways."

"Okay," she agreed softly, "October 13th is good."

He smiled as she shifted in his arms so that she was laying across his lap and as he ran his fingers through her hair, he felt relieved. He'd been secretly worried that her reluctance to set a date was her way of backing out of the wedding, but now they were headed in the right direction. October couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

**A/N: Finally, they have a wedding date! I'm thinking that I'm going to end up writing it, after all. Reviews are love.**


	36. The Black Parade

**A/N: Before we get into this chapter, let me say: please don't hate me! I had absolutely NO intention of writing it this way when I began this chapter, but once the idea came into my head, I couldn't let it go. Jenny and Gibbs suffer a terrible tragedy, and this time, Jenny is the one needed to pick up the pieces. Again, please don't hate me! *ducks from flying stones***

* * *

Slamming the door so hard that it rattled did little to assuage Jenny's anger and she all but threw herself into the chair behind her desk. A botched op had just come to light, and she sighed as she noticed how badly her hands were shaking. She knew that drinking wasn't an option, no matter how much she wanted it, and she ran her hand through her hair. Her purse was in her desk drawer, and she tried to pretend that she didn't remember the knife that always resided in the bottom.

She opened her email, trying in vain to distract herself, but soon realised she couldn't focus on the words. Opening the drawer, she grabbed her purse, and pulled out the knife, admiring the way the light reflected off the blade.

_It would make you feel better. Your hands would stop shaking, you would be able to breathe, just once wouldn't hurt._

The tightening in her chest was getting worse, and she tried to ignore the voice in her head that sounded strangely like her own. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten, first in English then French, and when she still couldn't think about anything else, she moaned quietly. She stood from her chair and began pacing around the room, hoping that if she put enough distance between herself and the knife that she wouldn't be tempted.

"Come on, Jennifer," she whispered, "Get your shit together."

Operations failed all the time: bad intel, missed targets, wasted opportunities...so why was this one affecting her so badly? She sighed as she realised that her anxiety had little to do with the operation and everything to do with her stress level in general. She was running a federal agency, dealing with snarky politicians, planning a wedding, and trying to battle her own addictions all at the same time, and it seemed like it was finally getting the better of her. To say nothing of the trauma she was still going through as a result of the past seven months. She laughed bitterly. No wonder she was a mess.

Without even realising it, she had made her way back to her desk and was reaching for the knife. She shook her head, sweeping it onto the floor, and picked up the phone on her desk, praying he hadn't gotten a case. If he had, she didn't know what in the hell she would do.

* * *

Gibbs sighed as his phone rang and debated for a moment on answering it. It was nearing the end of the day, and he really didn't want to get a case right now. Still...rule three...

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"I need you to come to my office. Now."

He sighed again, rolling his eyes.

"Can it wait? I'm a little busy."

He didn't add that he was busy doing as little as possible because neither of them had gotten much sleep the night before.

"No, it really can't."

"On my way."

DiNozzo sat up, looking confused as he walked by and frowned.

"We get a case, boss?"

"If we did, would I be walking to the Director's office?"

Ziva laughed, and Tony had the good grace to look embarrassed.

* * *

When he opened the door, he was surprised to find his favourite redhead pacing back and forth in her office, looking more than a little upset. He frowned, closing the door and when she noticed him standing near her, she sighed.

"You wanted to see me?"

She nodded, still pacing, and he looked at her warily.

"About?"

"I need you to distract me."

"What?"

"Distract me," she repeated, bringing her eyes to his.

He watched her for a moment, noticing her agitation, and took a cautious step forward, not attempting to touch her yet.

"Something happen?"

She nodded, then shook her head.

"Had an op go south, but I don't think that's the problem. I feel really anxious and I don't know why."

"Okay," he said slowly, "So the distraction?"

She sighed, her steps increasing in speed, and he frowned. Her hands were shaking and as she passed him again, he reached for her.

"Jenny. What is it?"

"I...I feel like I can't breathe, my pulse is fast, and all I can think about is—"

He looked at her seriously, and she pulled out of his grasp.

"Is what?"

Her eyes flickered to her desk and he saw the knife sitting on the top. Understanding filled his eyes and he nodded.

"Talk to me. Walk me through what's making you feel this way."

"That's just it, Jethro! I don't know! Nothing majorly catastrophic has happened, there's no logical reason for me to feel this way. I know...I know if I could just make a few neat little cuts, it would be better. Just a few."

He shook his head, his eyes never leaving hers.

"No. You don't stop at just a few, Jen. You always mean to, but you don't. That isn't the answer."

She nodded, walking over to the desk and picking up the knife. Before she could stop to think too much, she pushed it into his hands, her fingers tight around his.

"Take this away from me. Please."

"Jen—"

"I don't trust myself with it. Jethro, I can't have it around. If I know where it is, I'm going to use it."

He nodded, slipping it into his pocket, and when he pulled her to him, she frowned.

"I'm proud of you, Jen."

"What?" she asked weakly.

"You wanted to do something that was dangerous to your health, you wanted to give in to that temptation, and you didn't. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Nodding against his chest, Jenny stepped back, looking at him with wide eyes.

"If it's such a good thing, why do I feel so terrible?"

He laughed, kissing her forehead gently.

"Because you're crazy."

She slapped his arm, and the glare she sent him made him laugh harder. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she flipped him off as she walked back to her desk and pointed to the door.

"Don't you have work to do?"

"Nah. My boss lets me get away with pretty much everything 'cause I'm sleeping with her."

"Hm...sounds like a crazy woman."

"Certifiable," he said seriously.

"She'd have to be to put up with you."

He smirked and opened the door, winking at her as he shut it slowly behind him. Jenny laughed as she put her glasses on, trying to find something to focus on rather than the nagging voice in the back of her mind.

* * *

The quiet vibrating of his phone against the bedside table woke him slowly, and he blinked in confusion. He frowned as he answered it, wondering who on earth would be calling him at 03:00 on a Wednesday, and he tried to keep his voice quiet enough that he wouldn't wake Jenny.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Leroy, I know it's late, but this is Kevin Foster, I deliver to your dad's store. I got your number from his address book."

"Yeah?"

"I hate to be the one to tell you this..."

"What happened?"

He sat up sharply in the bed, the familiar feeling of dread washing over him, and he gripped his phone tighter in his hand.

"Leroy...I'm so sorry."

"_What happened_?" he repeated, his voice low and urgent.

"Jackson had a stroke. It—it was bad...they tried everything, but...you have no idea how sorry I am."

He hung up, not even bothering to respond, and when the phone fell from his hand, the movement was enough to rouse the sleeping redhead next to him.

"Jethro? What's going on?"

Saying nothing, he slowly picked up his phone, and placed it back on the bedside table. Jenny sat up, her eyes never leaving him, and she reached for his hand.

"Jethro?"

"It's...Dad."

"What happened?"

"Stroke."

Jenny's heart was pounding in her chest, and she held his hand tighter.

"Is he—"

"Gone."

She blinked hard, trying to keep the tears from falling, and looked at him seriously.

"Jethro...oh, God...I'm...I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"I'll find out more in the morning. Make some calls."

She nodded, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair, and he sighed. Settling back down in the bed, he pulled her close to him, breathing in the comforting scent of her perfume that always lingered even after a shower. She frowned, wanting to talk to him about the emotions she was sure were running rampant in his head, but she instead curled her fingers around his shirt, holding back her tears.

"Jethro?"

She felt like she'd said his name more in the last ten minutes than she had in the last eight years. He made a small noise to show he was listening, and she took a deep breath.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"M'fine, Jen. Go back to sleep. Work in three hours."

She shook her head.

"You're not going to work. Director's orders."

He frowned, shifting to look down at her.

"Jenny, you can't—"

"You listen to me, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and you listen well. You are not going in to work tomorrow. That is an order, and as your boss, I expect you to follow it."

Glaring at her for a moment, he finally nodded, and she kissed him gently.

"I love you," she whispered.

He kissed her again in response, and when he turned so that her body was underneath his, she frowned, staring up at him. His lips met hers again, and he pinned her under him a bit more roughly than usual.

"Jethro—" she tried again.

His kiss was hard, urgent, almost painful, and she pulled away, her hands on his chest.

"Jethro, wait."

He ignored her, pinning her wrists above her head, and she fought against the wave of panic that surged through her. She knew he would never hurt her, but she'd never seen him this insistent, and when he kissed her again, she didn't return it.

"Jethro, your father just died, we can't—"

"I know," he said roughly, his lips trailing down her throat.

She would never tell him, but he was beginning to scare her. Not that she believed for a second that he would hurt her, but because she was terrified that he was going to break. She tried to move from beneath him, and when she had finally freed her wrists, she pushed his shoulder gently.

"Wait."

He kissed her again and she pushed him harder.

"Jethro, no. Stop."

As soon as he heard the word, he immediately released her, and she moved away from him, sitting up slowly. She watched him warily, and she thought she could detect a hint of anger in his eyes. She knew she was being a hypocrite, knew she'd asked him to do the very same thing for her when she'd needed to forget her pain, but she wasn't about to let him make the same mistakes she had. She reached out, touching his shoulder gently, and he glanced at her.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I just can't."

"You were scared."

So he had noticed.

"Not of you," she clarified, looking at him seriously, "_For_ you. I know that you want to ignore this pain, push it to the side, or even...replace it with a different kind of pain, but...that's not the healthy way to deal with this."

He met her eyes for a fraction of a second and he frowned.

"I would never hurt you, Jen."

"I know. There's nothing in the world I have more certainty in. But...you're not thinking straight. You're going through an unimaginable amount of pain, and trying to ignore it with sex will only make it worse."

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and just before he reached the door, he turned.

"I love you, too."

She gave him a weak smile, and when she heard the basement door shut below, she finally gave in to the tears she'd been holding back.

* * *

Pulling the bottle of bourbon from its hiding place, Gibbs sighed as he poured a generous amount into the mason jar he'd just emptied. He felt as though he had been punched in the stomach, as though his entire world had been turned on its head, and in a way, he supposed it had. He took a long drink and when he heard Jenny's footsteps on the stairs, he sighed again. He knew she was worried, knew she wanted to talk, but he didn't think he was in a good place to do it yet.

"Jethro? I made a few calls. The funeral is scheduled for Saturday."

"Fine."

"Are you going?"

"Haven't decided."

He took a slow drink, letting the liquor sit on his tongue, welcoming the burning sensation, and she sighed.

"You have to deal with this."

"I'll deal with this in my way, you deal with it in yours, Jen."

She frowned, wishing he would look at her, but she nodded nonetheless.

"I'll be upstairs if you want to talk," she said quietly.

She didn't wait for an acknowledgment, turning on the step and walking back to the upper level of the house. Pulling out her phone, she ran her hand through her hair as she called Ducky, and she sank down on the couch.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ducky."

"Jennifer! Neither you or Jethro is in the office today, is everything alright?"

"Not exactly."

"What's happened?"

She sighed.

"Jethro's father passed away."

"Oh, dear. How is he taking it?"

She shrugged, laying back on the couch.

"It's Jethro. How do you think? He's pushing it away, pretending like it didn't happen. The same way he does with everything."

"And you? How are you handling it, my dear? You knew his father."

"I'm...it's sad, and I didn't know him that well, but...I'm more worried about him."

She was silent for a moment, and Ducky waited, knowing that she would speak again soon.

"How do I help him, Ducky?"

"Just be there for him, Jennifer. He's going to need you, whether he admits it or not, and when he turns to you, just be there."

"Thanks, Ducky."

"You're welcome. Best of luck, my dear."

She wiped away the tears falling as she hung up the phone, and though she tried to ignore it, she felt as though her heart was being ripped out: not just for the loss of her future father-in-law, but also for the pain of the man she loved in the basement.

* * *

No matter how hard he tried, Gibbs couldn't stop himself from pouring another drink, and as he swallowed it, he dimly realised that he was angry. The pain of losing his father was there, certainly, but underneath it all, growing stronger every minute, was an anger that he hadn't expected. More surprising still was when he realised that it was directed at Jenny. His father's death hadn't been her fault by any stretch of the imagination, but his reaction to it was.

She was directly responsible for the slow repair of the relationship between them, and he knew that if she hadn't insisted, he would have never reached out to him. If he'd never begun mending their strained relationship, his death wouldn't be hitting him this hard, and he wouldn't feel as though he were going to suffocate under the enormity of it all.

He sighed when he heard her open the door and she walked slowly down the stairs, no doubt wary of being near him. She paused at the bottom of the steps, her eyes watching his every movement, and her voice was soft when she spoke.

"Jethro, can we talk?"

"You can."

She sighed, running her hair through her hair.

"I know that you don't like talking about your feelings. I'm not particularly fond of it myself, but—"

"Here."

She frowned, staring at the glass he held in his outstretched hand.

"Jethro, I—"

He shook it slightly, the liquid sloshing around in the jar, and he glared at her.

"Take it."

She took it from him warily, not drinking it, and she frowned again, her eyes wide.

"This is hard for you. I know that, but please..talk to me. I want to help you through this. I loved Jackson too, and it—"

"This is all your fault, Jen."

"Me? Jethro, how is this my fault?"

"You made me care about him!" he yelled, causing her to jump, "Before you came waltzing back into my life, I was perfectly fine to keep my distance from him. You came back, and all but demanded I work things out with him! It's your fault!"

Jenny frowned.

"Excuse me? _Waltzed back into your life_? Is that what you think happened? I was raped, Jethro. Nearly left for dead in a parking lot. I didn't ask for that to happen! Mending your relationship with Jackson was a good thing! I know it's difficult right now, I know you're lashing out at me because you're upset, but don't blame me for this! I didn't kill your father!"

"No, you just made me give a damn! I was happy with the way things were!"

"Were you?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, Jen, I was!"

She looked at him, her eyes locking on his, and she shook her head slowly. Approaching him slowly, she reached out to touch his face gently with the hand that wasn't holding a drink, and he closed his eyes, turning away from her.

"Jethro...don't. Don't shut me out. Not now. Tell me how to help you."

He turned around again, his eyes hard as he looked at her.

"You can leave me alone. Let me deal with this in my own way."

He glanced at the hand holding the mason jar and frowned.

"Didn't give that to you so you'd just hold it."

She sighed, reaching for his hand and pressing the glass into it.

"Fine. _You_ hold it, then."

Without another word, she turned and walked to the steps, not bothering to disguise her pain, and when the door slammed shut behind her, he winced at the sound.

* * *

Jenny was curled up on the bed when he finally came up from the basement just before midnight, and as he watched her sleep, he frowned at the tracks made on her cheek by her tears. He felt like an ass for pushing her away, but this was entirely new to him. He knew she'd loved his father as well, hell, at times he'd thought Jackson had loved Jenny more than his own son, and he was beyond pissed off at himself for making that pain worse.

He kissed her tear-stained cheek gently, careful not to wake her as he laid next to her, and he turned to face the wall. Flashes of memories with his father had plagued him all day, but the memory that haunted him the most was one that would never be made. He knew Jackson had been so excited about his wedding to Jenny, and now he would never get to experience it. Never get to see her in a beautiful white dress, never tease his son about being whipped at work because his boss was now his wife...It was this thought, more than any other, that caused his tears to fall, and he buried his face in the pillow, hoping that he didn't wake the woman sleeping next to him.

* * *

Unbeknownst to Gibbs, Jenny had woken up almost as soon as he kissed her cheek, and when she heard him start to cry, she frowned. Should she let him know that she was awake, or should she let him deal with it alone as he'd told her to? After debating with herself for a few moments, Jenny decided that she couldn't stand to let him bear it alone, and she raised up on her arm, turning to look at him. She touched his shoulder gently, not wanting to startle him, and spoke quietly.

"Jethro..."

He turned to face her, and she felt her heart break at the tears in his eyes. She ran her thumb under his eyes, as he'd done for her so many times before, and she pulled him into her arms, holding him as close as she possibly could.

"Why did this happen? We were just starting to work things out, Jen."

"I know," she murmured, running her fingers through his hair, "Sometimes, these things just happen. I don't know why. It isn't fair, it isn't right, but...you just have to accept that there are some situations that you can't control."

"Everything was going good."

"Shh...I know."

"I never wanted this to happen. I knew it would, but I never thought that I would care. We didn't talk for so long, and I just figured that I would hear about it and move on. After...after you were...I thought maybe patching things up would be a good idea."

"It was, Jethro."

She pulled away, just enough that she could look into his eyes, and she ran her hand over his cheek gently.

"Your father loved you. He might not have always shown it, or made the best decisions, but he loved you. Don't ever doubt that. He knew you loved him, too. I know he did."

"Jen..."

"Yeah?"

"You're...you're okay, right? I mean, you're not sick anymore? Everything is good with you?"

She frowned, confused by the sudden change of topics. She nodded slowly, and he laid his head on her shoulder.

"Good."

"Why? The sudden curiosity, I mean."

"Can't lose you, too. You're all I have."

Ah...now she understood. He hadn't really jumped topics at all. He was scared that she would be gone just as suddenly as his father had been.

"I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere."

He frowned, pulling back to look at her, the look of horror on his face so serious that she didn't know how to respond.

"You...I handed you that bourbon without thinking."

She shook her head, her eyes meeting his in the darkness.

"I didn't drink it, Jethro," she said quietly, "It's okay."

"Still...I was going to throw away your sobriety because I was angry at you. Over something that you had no control over."

"Don't worry about that now. It's late, and you need to get some sleep. At least try."

He nodded, laying down on the mattress, and he raised his eyes to hers, never once looking away.

"Will you be here?"

She leaned down, kissing him gently, and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Until the very end."

* * *

True to her word, Jenny stayed wrapped in Gibbs' arms the entire night, but she never once came close to sleeping. While his breakdown had been hard for her to witness, she knew that it was necessary. Good, even. She watched him sleep as the sun rose slowly over the horizon, thinking back to the days immediately following the loss of her own father. If he was experiencing anything even remotely like that kind of pain, there was no way in hell she was going to leave him alone.

He turned in his sleep, reaching for her waist, and when he pulled her closer, he kissed the base of her throat gently. She smiled softly, curling her body into his, and when she tucked her head under his chin, she took a deep breath. She knew that she would have to at least try to convince him to attend Jackson's funeral, but in all honesty, she completely understood why he was considering not going. It was going to be an emotionally charged day, in a place where he wasn't exactly comfortable, and she really couldn't blame him at all for being hesitant.

Running her fingers through his hair, she drew back when she realised he had woken, and he cracked open one stunning blue eye to look at her.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked suspiciously.

He shrugged.

"Long enough. Your hand is cold."

She laughed softly, and he raised up, looking at her seriously.

"What time is it?"

"06:45. We're officially on bereavement leave, so work is covered."

"Wasn't asking about work," he muttered, "How long since you've slept?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Jethro, do _not_ make this about me right now."

He frowned, and pushed her farther back on the bed, kissing her slowly. Her hands immediately wound into his hair, and when he pulled back, his eyes were serious.

"Yes or no, Jen?"

Thinking, she frowned and tried to sort out her emotions. He was definitely calmer than he'd been the day before, and this didn't seem to be a way of running from his pain. But did she really want to do this so soon after a death in the family? Then again, if she told him "no" every time someone they knew died, they would never have sex again.

"Yes," she said finally.

He kissed her again, pushing her shirt up so that it bunched around her ribs, and he brushed his lips gently over the exposed skin. They moved farther down her body and as he traced his tongue over her hip bones, she shivered beneath him.

"You are so beautiful, Jen," he whispered huskily.

She loved the way his voice sounded when he said her name like that. He pulled her underwear between his teeth, yanking it down her thighs and when his fingers brushed against her, her head fell back against the pillow. His lips and tongue soon took the place of his hands and as he moved in and out of her, she moaned, throwing her hand over her mouth. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to be quiet, perhaps it was the early hour, and he flicked his tongue against her again.

Her free hand wound into his hair, tugging harder as he continued to taste her, and her hips moved of their own accord.

"Don't stop," she whispered.

His teeth lightly scraped over her, and the pain mixed with pleasure was enough to send her over the edge. The moan that fell from her lips sounded strangely like his name, and he continued to move his tongue over her. It was so intense that it was almost painful, and she cried out again as her second orgasm crashed through her and left her shaking.

He raised up, kissing the inner skin of her thighs and when he looked down at her, he gave her a smile.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jethro. More than you know."

She reached for him, fully intending to repay him for the intense orgasm he'd just given her, but he caught her wrist, shaking his head.

"Not now."

"But why—"

"You helped me through last night, and I wanted to thank you."

She rolled her eyes, pulling him in for a kiss and he smirked as he pulled away.

"And I just wanted to watch you."

Smacking him lightly, she kissed him again and when he gathered her into his arms, he placed a light kiss on her temple.

"Will you at least try to get some sleep now?"

She yawned, glaring at him, and she knew that somehow, that had been his plan all along.

"Fine. But I would still like to return the favour."

"You don't need to convince me, Jenny."

She laughed as she began to fall asleep, and as he held her in his arms, he wondered how in the hell they were supposed to make it through the next week alive.

* * *

Though he'd used his talents to get Jenny to sleep, he couldn't deny that she had helped him through the first initial wave of shock and grief. He'd experienced grief before, no doubt about it, but he had the distinct feeling that somehow this was going to be different. Going back and forth in his mind about whether or not to make the trip to Stillwater for the funeral, he thought he had finally decided, and he pulled out his phone as he crept down into his basement.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Duck."

"Jethro...how are you, my boy? Jennifer told me about your father. You have my deepest sympathies."

"It's been rough, but...Jenny's been great. Really helped me through it."

"So you've finally started talking to her about your feelings...I'm proud of you."

"Yeah. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd be up for a trip to Stillwater for the funeral. Jen's going too, but I would really like it if you could be there."

"Of course I will. When should I be ready?"

"We're leaving Friday afternoon. Want to get there early enough to get settled and such."

"Certainly. I'll need to clear it with work, but I'll be there."

Gibbs laughed and he wondered how long it would take Ducky to realise what he'd just said.

"Is something funny, Jethro?"

"Clear it with work, Duck? Jenny's your boss!"

The doctor laughed and Gibbs rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

"Yes, quite right. Sometimes I forget that our dear Jennifer is also the Director. I'll pack a few things."

"Thanks, Ducky. Appreciate it."

"Anytime. Give my love to Jennifer."

"Sure thing."

Hanging up the phone, Gibbs picked up the mason jar of bourbon Jenny had shoved into his hand the night before. In spite of the pain he was going through, and how high he knew her emotions must have been running, she hadn't touched it. He hated himself for even considering placing her in that situation, but he'd never been more proud to hear her refuse him. It had taken an incredible strength and he only hoped that he could summon up the same strength to make it through the weekend. God, he hoped he could.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it. Hopefully I didn't lose you! Let me know what you think!**


	37. Bigger Than Us

**A/N: Here we have the funeral and meet someone from Gibbs' past.**

* * *

It didn't escape Ducky's notice, as he sat in the back of Gibbs' truck, that the man in question hadn't let go of Jenny's hand the entire time he had been driving unless it had been absolutely necessary. His eyes flickered between the two, wondering how long they would sit in silence, and when Jenny opened her mouth to speak, he frowned when she shut it again. The truck slowed as they pulled up to a small church and Gibbs released her hand as he shut off the engine. Jenny glanced back at the doctor, and he offered her a reassuring smile.

They stepped out of the truck carefully, Jenny taking care not to slip in her heels, and Gibbs placed his hand at the small of her back. Ducky was a few paces behind them, and as Gibbs stopped to shake the hand of an older man she assumed was the preacher, Jenny fell in step with the doctor.

"Ducky, I don't know if I can do this," she whispered urgently.

Her skin had paled considerably, and she felt as though her legs weren't strong enough to support her weight. Ducky took her hand, patting it gently, and he looked into her eyes seriously.

"Listen to me, Jennifer," he whispered sternly, "That man has just lost his father, you had damn well better keep it together until this affair is over. Do I make myself clear?"

She nodded, a bit shocked by his tone, but knowing he was right. She took a deep breath to steady herself and when Gibbs turned to face her, Ducky squeezed her hand gently.

"Let's get this over with," Gibbs muttered.

Jenny frowned, and as the service began, she found herself gripping Gibbs' hand tighter than she meant to. She had the distinct feeling that she was being stared at, and she didn't like it. Being brought up in a military family, she had been raised to believe that staring was inherently rude and it was beginning to get on her nerves. It was the sort of stare that one usually received when doing something scandalous, and since she had done nothing of the sort, it was pissing her off. Tearing her eyes away from the casket, Jenny swept them across the room, and when she glanced to her right, she was met with a pair of brown eyes that were looking directly at her.

She met them coolly, refusing to back down, and when they eventually looked away, she unconsciously moved closer to Gibbs. She wished that Ducky was sitting on her other side so as to block her from unwanted staring, but he had chosen to sit on the other side of Gibbs, and she brought her hand to her mouth to cover up her sigh of frustration. Gibbs glanced over in her direction, raising his eyebrow questioningly, and she shook her head minutely. She wasn't going to cause a scene by asking him about it now.

She tried to focus on the service, but her thoughts were preoccupied by trying to think of ways to help Gibbs through this, and she soon realised that it was pointless to try listening. Her eyes kept flickering up to watch him through her lashes, and she could see Ducky doing the same. Gibbs kept his eyes straight ahead, unblinking and immobile, and she wondered if he had heard a word of the service himself. She jumped when he took her hand in his, and he leaned slightly closer, his eyes still staring ahead.

"Relax, Jen," he whispered.

She forced herself to pay attention as a few of the locals stood to share their memories with Jackson, and in spite of the melancholy atmosphere, Jenny smiled. It was clear that Jackson had made a lasting impression on the small town of Stillwater, and when she glanced over at Gibbs, he was smiling too. With one final hymn, the service was over, and they all stood, preparing to leave. She'd been slightly confused at Gibbs' decision to sit in the back of the church, but it hadn't taken her long to figure out that he had wanted to avoid being seen.

He led them out the door, and just as Jenny was about to ask if he had planned on going to the burial site, a voice caused them to turn.

"Leroy. Wasn't sure you were going to come."

Jenny frowned at the man who had spoken, recognising him as the one who had been staring at her, and Gibbs shrugged.

"Couldn't exactly miss my own father's funeral, Mr. Fielding."

Fielding...the name sounded vaguely familiar, and Jenny looked over at Ducky to see if it rang any bells to him. He raised his eyebrows in confusion, and she turned her attention back to Gibbs.

"Gonna introduce me to your friends, Leroy? I know Jackson raised you better than to be rude."

Gibbs smirked, nodding at the older man.

"Yeah. This is my friend Donald Mallard, and my fiance Jenny Shepard."

Ducky held out his hand, and Jenny did the same seconds later, fighting her every instinct to ask who the hell this man was.

"Mac Fielding," he said by way of explanation.

Suddenly, it hit Jenny why the name sounded so familiar and she bit down on the inside of her cheek to keep from speaking. Fielding nodded, looking at Jenny seriously, and when he spoke, there was an almost accusatory tone underneath the sadness.

"From a certain angle, thought you were someone else."

Jenny stayed silent, unsure of what to say, and he nodded at Gibbs again.

"Real sorry about Jackson, Leroy."

He walked away, leaving Ducky and Jenny in stunned silence, Gibbs in something akin to anger.

"He shouldn't have said that to you, Jen."

She frowned, looking at him in confusion, and he jerked his head in the direction Fielding had retreated.

"Never quite forgave me for taking her to Camp Pendleton."

Ducky suddenly seemed to understand, and drew in a sharp breath.

"That was—"

"Shannon's father," Jenny answered softly.

Gibbs reached for her hand and she allowed him to lead her back to the truck, glancing over her shoulder as she walked. Shannon's father was still watching them from a distance, and Jenny sighed as she climbed up into the vehicle. This wasn't how she'd expected things to go at all.

* * *

Though she'd only been in this house once before, Jenny could still feel Jackson's presence as she wandered through the kitchen, searching for coffee. Gibbs was searching the house for the deed to his store, muttering curses about Jackson's disorganization as he worked, and Ducky was watching her from where he sat at the table.

"You did well, my dear."

She turned, finally having located the coffee, and gave him a small smile.

"I tried. Not sure how much help I was."

The doctor shook his head.

"Simply having you near was enough, I think."

Jenny busied herself with preparing the coffee, and as it began brewing, she sat down across from him, her eyes betraying the depth of her worry.

"Seeing her father...I can't even imagine."

"Yes, I would say that was quite difficult."

She reached for Ducky's hand, wondering at Gibbs' sudden lack of complaining, and when she stood, he nodded at her.

"Go. I'm sure I'm quite capable of pouring my own coffee, Jennifer."

Taking a deep breath, Jenny walked into the living room, her footsteps deliberately quiet, and when she saw Gibbs standing in front of Jackson's old trunk, she frowned. She didn't need to look to see what he held in his hands, and she made her way slowly over to him.

"Jethro?"

He didn't turn, but she knew there was no way he hadn't heard her. She placed her hand on his shoulder, and he finally brought his eyes to hers.

"He kept this...all these years."

He held out the tiny pink dress that Jackson had shown Jenny and she nodded.

"I know," she said softly, "he told me that it had accidentally been left here one weekend that Kelly came to stay with him. He was going to give it back to you the next time he saw her."

Gibbs nodded, and she placed her hand over his, taking the fabric between her fingers.

"It's time to let them go, Jethro. Don't forget them, never forget them, but...let them be at peace. They're gone. Holding on to them like this won't bring them back."

He looked at her then, and she sighed, touching his cheek gently.

"I know how hard it is to let someone go...believe me, I do. But you only end up causing yourself more pain the longer you cling to them. They know that you'll always love them, and that you would never forget them in a million years, but they wouldn't want you to suffer like this."

Jenny carefully pulled the dress from his hands and folded it, placing it back in the trunk. She reached for his hand, leading him back into the kitchen, and when Ducky noticed them, he offered them a smile.

"Did you find what you were looking for, Jethro?"

He shrugged.

"Not exactly. I'll work something out later. Let's get out of here."

Jenny frowned.

"Are you sure?"

Gibbs nodded, reaching for her hand.

"Yeah. Long drive. I don't particularly want to spend the night here."

Ducky poured a bit more coffee into his travel mug, and Gibbs filled his own, offering it to Jenny. She shook her head, and he frowned at her refusal.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded.

"Everything is fine, Jethro."

He wasn't quite sure that he believed her, but he decided not to press the issue. Ducky met her eyes as they walked to the truck and when he climbed in the back, he gave her a gentle hug.

"Don't worry, my dear. You did fine."

She offered him a wan smile, and climbed up next to Gibbs. Her head rested on the window, and before she knew what had happened, she had fallen asleep.

* * *

"You can always stay here for the night, Ducky. You don't have to drive home."

Ducky shook his head.

"No, thank you. I don't want to leave Mother alone any longer than necessary. Besides, I don't want to disturb your time with Jennifer."

Gibbs laughed, looking over at Jenny's sleeping form.

"I think she'd understand."

Ducky leaned over, kissing her gently on the forehead and smiled as he carefully climbed out of the truck.

"Perhaps she would, but I think you need to spend time with her. This has been a difficult day for you both, and you need each other."

Gibbs nodded, lifting the redhead into his arms and locking the truck. Ducky nodded at him as he made his way to his Morgan, and Gibbs' voice caused him to turn.

"Thanks again, Duck. Really appreciate it."

"Of course, Jethro. Good night."

"Good night."

Jenny stirred in his arms and he made his way to the porch, opening the door carefully.

"Jethro?"

He glanced down at the sound of her voice, quiet and thick with sleep, and he smiled.

"Shh. Go back to sleep, Jen."

She murmured something unintelligible, and he carried her up to the bedroom, placing her gently on the bed. As he turned to walk away, Jenny's hand caught his, and he turned.

"Jen?"

"Don't leave," she whispered.

He nodded, walking around to the other side and slipping into the bed beside her. He hooked his arm around her waist, pulling her close, and as she began to fall back asleep, he kissed her temple softly.

"Good night, Jenny."

She hummed in response, turning in his arms, and he smiled as he realised she probably wouldn't remember anything after leaving Stillwater. In that respect, he envied her.

* * *

Slipping carefully out of his embrace, Jenny made her way silently down to the living room, wondering if there was any possible way she could find the liquor Gibbs had hidden in the basement. Shaking her head, she chastised herself, forcing herself to sit down on the couch, and she curled her feet under her. She couldn't forget the image of Gibbs holding Kelly's old dress, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes.

Sighing, she stood and began walking back up the stairs, slowly pushing open the door to Kelly's room. After searching for a few minutes, Jenny smiled as she found the old photo album on the bookshelf. It was filled with pictures of Shannon, Kelly, and even a few of Gibbs with Jackson as a child. The slight noise behind her caused her to turn, and she smiled as he walked into the room.

"I tried not to wake you."

"What are you doing in here?"

"Looking at your old photo album. How old were you in this picture?"

She pointed to one where he was holding a fishing pole and smiling with Jackson, and he laughed.

"About seven," he answered, kissing her cheek, "You didn't wake me, by the way. Phone did. Got a call. Couple of marines causing trouble at a bar, one of them lost his temper and shot the other."

"We're on bereavement leave," Jenny reminded him.

He nodded.

"I know, but I can't just ignore it."

"Fine, then I'm coming with you."

He smirked as she set the album down, and they began walking down the stairs.

"Careful, Jen. People might start confusing you with a field agent again."

She smacked his arm lightly, grabbing an elastic to tie her hair back, and he laughed.

"Hurry up, Gibbs. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get back here."

He had to admit, her logic was more than a little convincing.

* * *

Tony DiNozzo frowned at the sight of their team leader and agency director, and walked slowly up to them.

"Boss. Fearless Leader. What are you doing here?"

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"DiNozzo, what have I told you?"

"Not to call you our fearless leader. Gotta admit though, it's fitting."

Gibbs smirked, and Tony looked between them.

"Seriously, though. I didn't call you. Who did?"

"Fornell," Gibbs answered, jerking his head to the right.

"Fornell? What's he doing here?"

"We've been staking out this location for awhile. Arms dealing and such. Didn't know you guys were going to be here, or I wouldn't have called Gibbs and woken him up. Since when do you go to sleep at 23:00, by the way?" Fornell asked as he made his way closer.

Gibbs frowned, looking over at his friend and shook his head.

"Long day," was all he said.

Fornell nodded.

"What we've gathered is they served together before, last round of deployments, one was sent out, one wasn't. The one left State-side started sleeping with the wife of the one deployed."

"Some friend," DiNozzo muttered.

Gibbs glared at him and he snapped his mouth shut.

"Bar's been cleared of everyone except Corporal Rabe. He's our trigger-happy marine."

Gibbs laughed suddenly, and Jenny glanced at him, wondering what was so amusing.

"And you called me because..."

Fornell shrugged.

"You've been married four times. Figured you would know how to talk to him."

"That's what I thought."

Glancing at Jenny, Fornell nodded.

"Speaking of, didn't know you were gonna bring the wife when I called."

Jenny rolled her eyes, smacking him lightly on the arm.

"Not his wife yet, Tobias."

Gibbs frowned as he surveyed his team, suddenly aware that they were two bodies short.

"Where's McGee and Ziva?"

"McGee's with the bar owner getting security tapes, Ziva's taking statements," DiNozzo answered.

Pointing to the entrance, Gibbs ushered them in, Jenny following close behind. Fornell guarded the door, keeping everyone away, and when they entered the building, it took Jenny's eyes a few moments to adjust to the sudden darkness.

"Corporal Rabe? Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. Why don't you put the gun down and talk to us. No one else has to get hurt."

"That bastard slept with my wife, sir. I can't let that go."

"Corporal, you don't want to make that mistake. You're looking at jail time."

The man shook his head, and Jenny could just make out the glint of metal in his hand. Gibbs was closest to him, DiNozzo off to his right, and Jenny just behind the Senior Field Agent. The silver-haired team leader was slowly making his way closer and when Rabe raised his gun, Gibbs stopped immediately.

"Corporal, put the gun down."

"I had to do it. His actions had consequences. I couldn't just let him get away with it."

"Your actions will have consequences. More so if you don't put the weapon down now."

The safety clicked off on the gun, and Gibbs locked his eyes on it. The second the man's finger pulled the trigger, he had to be ready. Rather than aim it at the team leader as they had expected, Rabe swung the weapon around to aim at DiNozzo, and Gibbs frowned.

"Put it down."

The sound of the weapon firing was deafening, and Gibbs launched his body at the marine, throwing his full weight into the man's waist. Jenny didn't think before she moved, and she ran to DiNozzo, putting herself between the bullet and the agent.

"DiNozzo!"

The shot was wide and low, but when Jenny landed on the floor of the bar, she fought to catch her breath. Tony pulled himself up from where he had landed when Jenny had moved him out of the way, and he went to the redhead. She shook her head, and nodded in the opposite direction.

"Help Gibbs."

Looking at her once more, he nodded and she pulled herself up from the ground slowly. Her leg was throbbing from hitting the ground, and when Gibbs glanced over at her, she gave him a small smile. Tony yanked the marine to his feet, and Gibbs glared at him.

"Now you're definitely going to jail," Tony said dryly.

"You don't understand. I had to. I couldn't let him get away with it! Haven't you ever been in that situation?"

"Yeah," Gibbs said sarcastically, "but I didn't shoot at innocent people."

He shoved the man away from him and forced him to walk to the door. Tony glanced at Jenny, running his hand through his hair, somewhat embarrassed.

"Thanks, Director. You really saved my ass."

"Don't get used to it, Tony."

They walked out of the bar, and Jenny smiled when she saw Gibbs talking to Fornell. She was feeling slightly dizzy from hitting the hardwood floor so forcefully and when Gibbs walked back to her side, he frowned.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Yeah. I think that floor had it out for me. Harder than DiNozzo's head."

He laughed, but frowned again when he saw how pale she had become. She took a step forward, and when she stumbled, he reached out to catch her, his expression serious.

"Jen?"

"I'm okay. Just a little shaky."

Fornell walked closer, giving her a smile.

"You got some kind of death wish, Jenny? If you don't want to marry Gibbs, just tell him."

She laughed, shaking her head.

"He's not getting rid of me that easily."

Glancing upward, Jenny frowned as her eyes scanned the sky, and she looked at Gibbs, confused.

"Is it raining?"

He looked at her, more than a little confused.

"Raining? No, it's not raining. Why?"

"Gibbs..."

Fornell's voice was low and serious, and Gibbs looked at him.

"What?"

He followed the other man's gaze and when his eyes landed on Jenny's thigh, they widened. The black denim of her jeans had become impossibly darker, and he reached out to touch it gently. He held his fingers up to the light of the bar's overhead bulb and frowned at the sticky red liquid coating them. Swearing softly, he threw her arm over his shoulder and Fornell did the same on her other side.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked, his voice loud and authoritative, "get Ducky out here now!"

"Gibbs, we could call an ambulance," Fornell suggested.

He shook his head.

"Ducky's closer. We don't have time to wait."

He led Jenny over to the van that his team had driven, and set her gently on the edge. She frowned, looking over at him with glazed eyes.

"What's going on?"

"Took a round to the thigh. Same one as last time, ironically enough."

She reached for his hand.

"Are you okay?"

He frowned.

"Wasn't me that was hit, Jen."

"Was it Tony?"

He shook his head, reaching for a blanket in the back of the van and wrapping it around her shoulders.

"No," he said gently, "Tony's fine."

Tony walked up, putting his phone in his pocket.

"Ducky will be here in five. She okay?"

Gibbs frowned, looking to the younger man.

"Take off your jacket."

Tony did as he was asked, and Gibbs folded it carefully. He gently laid Jenny down in the back of the van and put the jacket beneath her head to serve as a pillow. He jerked his head at McGee, who had just walked up behind the Senior Field Agent, and moved out of the way.

"McGee, put pressure on this. Now."

The younger man nodded, and placed his hands on the wound in Jenny's leg. She smiled at him weakly and he returned it, in spite of the nervousness he felt.

"McGee, don't look so scared. I don't bite."

Tony laughed and McGee turned to glare at him. Jenny's eyes shifted to a point just behind Gibbs' left shoulder and she smiled again. Gibbs noticed her far-off gaze and turned, wondering what she was seeing, and frowned when he saw nothing. He leaned closer to her, shining his flashlight on the wound under McGee's hands. Blood was still pouring from the wound, he noticed that her body had begun to shake, and he swore softly.

"Boss?"

"She's losing too much blood. She's going into shock. Where the hell is Ducky?!"

"I'm right here, Jethro. Please step aside."

Gibbs glared at him and Ducky gently moved him away and he bent to examine the wound. McGee moved to the side, not wanting to be in the way, and Ziva handed him a towel as she walked around the van.

"Is it Tony?" she asked.

"Why does everyone assume it was me?" Tony asked as he walked up behind the Israeli.

"Because it usually is."

"Plague, framed for murder, locked in a storage container," McGee said, ticking them off on his fingers.

"All of you, shut up!" Gibbs snapped.

"She's lost a lot of blood, but I think I can stop it. Bring me my medical bag."

Ziva handed it to him, and he pulled out a pair of scissors.

"Ziva, would you shine that light over here, my dear? Your hands are likely the steadiest."

She did so, and he began cutting the fabric of Jenny's jeans. She was still looking at whatever she'd seen in the distance, but she frowned at the pressure of Ducky's hands, glancing down.

"Ducky? What are you doing here?"

"Cutting this bullet out of your leg, Jennifer. You do seem to have a knack for getting into these situations."

"Bullet?" she asked slowly.

He nodded.

"Yes. Do you remember what happened?"

She frowned, thinking.

"I pushed DiNozzo out of the way. I didn't think he hit anyone. I never felt the bullet."

He nodded.

"High adrenaline caused your body to block out the pain of being shot. You're actually quite lucky. This would be unbearable otherwise."

"How bad is it?"

"You're gonna be fine, Jen," Gibbs answered, his eyes locking on hers.

She rolled her eyes, wincing as Ducky began probing her skin, feeling for the bullet.

"Ducky?"

He nodded, finally having located the slug, and gave her an encouraging smile.

"You'll be fine. This is going to hurt, my dear. I suggest you take a deep breath."

Doing as he instructed, Jenny inhaled deeply, and when she nodded, he slowly out his gloved fingers inside the hole in her leg. Her eyes shut tightly, and her hand closed around the blanket as she tried not to scream. She'd been through this years ago in Europe and hadn't screamed, she wasn't going to do so now. The small knife opened the wound farther and Gibbs reached for his belt, pulling it off. Tony frowned, but when he handed it to Jenny, he understood.

Clenching it between her teeth, Jenny bit down on the leather so hard that it left small indentations, and she was breathing heavily. Ducky frowned as his hand found the bullet and slipped off of the blood-slicked metal. He tried again, gasping in relief as he found a better grip on the small bullet and when he removed his fingers from the wound, he held it up triumphantly.

"Got it. Let me clean this and get you stitched up, Jennifer."

She nodded as he threaded the needle and Tony looked at her with something akin to admiration. He'd never really seen Jenny in a situation like this, and he had to admit that he was impressed. McGee was looking at anything but what was taking place, and Ziva had walked back to the front of the van to be more comfortable. Gibbs' eyes were glued to Jenny, and he didn't even seem to notice the way Fornell was watching him. Right now, nothing mattered except for the redhead in the back of the van.

* * *

Fornell had seen Gibbs when he'd been married to Stephanie and Rebecca. He'd heard stories from Diane about their brief marriage, and he'd seen the pain in his friend's eyes when he'd spoken of Shannon. He had never, in all the years of knowing him, seen the look of pure love in his eyes quite like he did when the former marine looked at the redhead being stitched up in the back of his team's van. If he'd ever doubted the sincerity of their relationship before, those doubts vanished as he noticed the way his eyes never wavered from the woman in front of him.

He'd seen that look in Jenny's eyes often enough when she hadn't known he was looking, but this was the first time he'd truly looked at Gibbs. When Ducky had finally finished stitching up the wound and Jenny had sat up slowly, Gibbs was by her side in an instant, helping her carefully to her feet.

"You okay, Jenny?" Fornell asked.

She nodded.

"Yeah. Lot of help you turned out to be."

Laughing lightly, Fornell held out his hand, and the redhead stared at it before placing her own into it slowly.

"Told Gibbs months ago that I wanted to shake your hand for being such a badass. Means more now. Hell of a job, Jenny."

She laughed and leaned heavily into Gibbs' arm as he steadied her. Fornell looked between the two, noting how comfortable they were with each other, and smiled.

"Go home, you two. We'll file the incident report and get Jenny's statement in the morning."

Gibbs nodded, leading Jenny back to his truck and when he shut the door, he sighed.

"Jen...you've got to stop putting yourself in danger."

She shook her head.

"Jethro, I wasn't about to let that man shoot Tony."

"You...you have to be more careful, Jen. I don't want to lose you."

"I didn't even feel the bullet."

He looked at her slowly, reaching for her hand.

"You scared me. You asked me if it was raining."

She nodded, glancing down at the bandage wrapped around her thigh.

"I didn't realise it was blood."

He raised her hand to his lips, and he put the truck in gear. It didn't take long for them to reach his house again, and by the time he had pulled into the drive, Jenny was trying desperately to ignore the shaking in her hands.

* * *

Against her protests, Gibbs carried Jenny up to the bedroom, and when he set her down, she reached up to run her fingers through his hair.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry. I'll let you handle your own cases. I won't interfere."

He smirked.

"Just stop doing stupid things like that."

She sighed.

"It's not that, Jethro. I just...they're so young. They have lives to enjoy and live, and I would rather risk my own than theirs."

He nodded, kissing her as he sat down next to her.

"I understand that, but...you're young too, Jen. You're thirty-seven. You still have a long life ahead of you, and I don't want to lose my wife before I even have a chance to marry her."

She looked up sharply, and he frowned.

"What?"

"I didn't...oh fuck, Jethro. I didn't even think. I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, and he pulled her into his arms, shifting so that they were laying back, and she rested her head on his chest.

"Jen...losing my dad...it's made me think. Life is unpredictable, and when you think about our place in the vast scheme of the universe, we're so small. I've realised that I can't do this alone, and I don't want to. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and the way I love you...it's bigger than us."

She smiled, raising up carefully to kiss him, and she tried to ignore the wave of exhaustion that washed over her.

"You're starting to sound like me."

He smiled, running his fingers through her hair, and kissed her temple as he felt her falling asleep.

"Guess that means you're a good influence on me."

"Never thought you'd say that," she murmured.

"Yeah, yeah. Get some sleep, Jen. I love you."

"I love you too, Jethro."

Her breathing was becoming slow and even, and as he tightened his arms around her, he kissed her gently. Her fingers curled around his shirt, and she buried her head in his chest, a soft gasp falling from her lips. He knew, as sure as he knew she would fight him on needing his help in the morning, that they would be able to make it through whatever obstacles they came across, and he couldn't wait to make her his wife.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!**


	38. Stolen Pirate Ships and Stuffed Rabbits

**A/N: In which Gibbs and Jenny have a little scare, and end up babysitting Tori.**

* * *

Surprising even herself, Jenny didn't scream when she opened her eyes and saw her father sitting on the edge of the bed. He smiled when he noticed that she was awake and leaned over to kiss her forehead gently, oblivious to the confusion in her eyes.

"Dad?"

"Hey, little firecracker. You sure have a habit of getting shot, don't you?"

She frowned, still trying to figure out what in the hell was going on. A horrible idea came to her and her eyes widened.

"Dad...am I dying?"

The Colonel laughed and shook his head.

"No, Jennifer. You're going to be just fine. I just wanted to see you. Tell you how proud I am of the life you've made for yourself. You've grown up so much from that stubborn little girl who used to play soldier in the yard. You have a good relationship with your sister and her family, you've survived some of the most horrific torture that a person can endure, and you have a good man who loves you. I'd say you've done very well."

"I've got a pretty badass job, too," she pointed out.

Her father shook his head again, reaching for her hand. His eyes met hers seriously, and she found that she never wanted to look away.

"There are much more important things than work, little firecracker. Don't forget that. Gibbs loves you more than anything in the world, and that's more valuable than all the money you could ever have."

"I know," she said quietly, "I feel the same way about him."

He looked at her seriously, studying her for a moment, and nodded.

"Yes, I believe you do. I can't wait to watch you walk down that aisle."

"It's an outdoor wedding, Dad," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but you know what I meant. I'll be there. Even if you can't see me. Just know that I'll be with you."

She nodded, and he kissed her cheek, smiling as he pulled away.

"I love you, Jennifer. And I'm so proud of you."

"I love you too, Daddy."

"Jen? You okay?"

Jenny jumped at the sound of Gibbs' voice and nodded. He was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, and he fixed her with a confused look. She gave him a smile and when he turned away, she settled farther into the sheets and closed her eyes, not even caring that she was possibly losing her mind.

* * *

Finding his phone, Gibbs quickly dialed Ducky's number, hoping that he wasn't busy. When the doctor answered on the third ring, the former marine breathed a sigh of relief.

"Ducky, are you busy?"

"Not particularly. Why, is something wrong?"

"Jenny's hallucinating."

"I beg your pardon?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes, and bit back an angry retort.

"I went to check on her, and she was talking to her father. Duck, Jasper's been dead for ten years, and I can tell you for a fact that no one was in that room."

Ducky sighed and Gibbs tapped his foot impatiently.

"Check her temperature. A high fever could explain her deliriousness and it could also be a sign of infection, but we'll worry about that if it arises."

"Is it possible that it could be something worse? After she was hit, she didn't even realise it. She asked me if it was raining because she didn't understand that she was covered in blood."

"Jethro, don't borrow trouble. I'm sure that she just has a fever. I'll come by later and check her over, but for now just stay calm."

Gibbs thanked him and hung up the phone, walking into the bathroom to find the thermometer that he always kept under the sink. After locating it, he made his way quietly into the bedroom, his eyes never leaving the redhead sleeping in the bed. He placed his hand on her forehead, frowning at the heat radiating off her skin, and when he shook her gently, she moaned, shifting away from him.

"Jen," he whispered, "wake up. Just for a minute, then you can go back to sleep."

She shook her head, murmuring incoherently, and he shook her again.

"Come on, Jenny. Just long enough to see how high your fever is."

"I'm sleeping," she moaned quietly, "Go away."

He laughed and shook his head.

"Nope. Come on. Open up."

"Jethro, go away or you're never getting laid again."

He smirked, raising her up on the pillow and she opened her eyes to glare at him.

"You'd never make it," he replied, referring to her earlier threat, "It'll only take a minute."

She sighed, taking the thermometer from his hand and placing it under her tongue. He kissed her cheek as he waited, and when the tiny device beeped moments later, he pulled it from her mouth with a frown.

"Jesus, Jen."

"What?" she mumbled, already burying herself under the sheet again.

"You're burning up."

She murmured something so quiet that he couldn't hear her, and when he ran his hand over her hair, he wasn't surprised to find that it was damp with sweat. He set the thermometer on the bedside table and walked into the bathroom, running a cloth under cool water. When he returned, he placed it gently on her skin, hoping to lower her temperature and as his phone rang, he stepped out into the hallway.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, I'm on my way over to check on Jennifer. I should be there in about five minutes."

"Thanks, Duck."

"Anytime."

He hung up and returned to Jenny's bedside, sitting carefully on the edge of the mattress, and as he watched her sleep, he found himself wondering what she had said to her father, no matter if he had really been there or not.

* * *

Ducky frowned as he touched Jenny's forehead lightly, and glanced at Gibbs.

"She definitely has a high fever. I'm going to check for infection, so try to keep her still if she wakes."

He nodded, and the doctor pulled back the sheet. He carefully cut away the bandage covering the wound, and leaned closer. She shifted at his touch, but didn't wake, and as he examined the stitching, he smiled.

"Good news. No sign of infection. Once her fever breaks, she should be perfectly fine."

Ducky began wrapping a fresh bandage around the area, and Jenny moaned, opening her eyes slowly. She frowned at the doctor in front of her and when she spoke, her voice was slightly hoarse.

"Ducky?"

"Good afternoon, Jennifer. Sorry to wake you, but I needed to check for infection. You're doing fine."

She glanced at Gibbs and he ran his hand over her hair.

"You've got a pretty high fever, but it'll pass."

Nodding weakly, she closed her eyes and by the time Ducky had finished re-dressing the wound, she had fallen asleep.

* * *

Hours after Ducky had left and after making sure Jenny was comfortable, Gibbs had ventured down into his basement, needing to clear his head. Her words from the night of his father's funeral kept circling around in his mind and though he wished he didn't, he'd understood her reasoning perfectly. Before she had returned to his life, he would have willingly placed himself in front of a bullet to save any member of his team without thinking. He'd lived longer than he'd ever thought he would, and he had considered that good enough.

His team was young, and they deserved the chance to have families, grow old, get married. A chance Kate had never gotten. That Kelly would never have. It had never occurred to him that Jenny would feel the same. She was still young. Too young to risk her life for someone else's, especially if that someone else was him. He'd never forgive himself if she died to save him. Just thinking about it was enough to make his blood run cold.

Gibbs took a slow drink from his bourbon and as it burned down his throat, he found himself thinking about just how much Jenny had gone through in the past seven months. It would have destroyed a lesser person, and he'd never been more proud of her as he'd watched her overcome every challenge she'd faced. She'd fought for her life and won, more times than he cared to admit, and he found himself wishing that the next five months would pass quickly. The sooner she was his wife, the better.

Soft footsteps on the stairs made him turn and as Jenny made her way slowly down them, he frowned.

"Jen, what are you doing? You shouldn't be walking around."

She rolled her eyes and paused at the bottom of the steps to catch her breath.

"I couldn't stand laying around anymore."

He set his drink down and crossed the room, holding out his hand. She took it, and he helped her over to the stool in front of his table. He lifted her onto it carefully, refusing to let go of her waist until she had a firm grip on the table behind her, and he smiled as he kissed her cheek.

"How do you feel?"

"Better," she said softly, "I'm actually kind of hungry."

"Really?"

She hadn't eaten in nearly three days, and he'd never been more happy to hear that she was ready to attempt food again.

"Yeah."

"What do you want? Anything you want, I'll make it happen."

Jenny laughed, her slightly glassy eyes meeting his, and he frowned.

"The way you're acting, you'd think I was pregnant."

He shrugged.

"Just trying to help."

She placed her head in her hand and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the exhaustion she felt. He walked closer, his hand stroking her hair gently and when she looked up at him, he smiled.

"You want to know the real reason? Jen, I've almost lost you more than I care to admit these past seven months, and that scares me. You're the most important thing in my life, and I don't want to imagine my life without you in it."

"Jethro," she said quietly, her hand reaching for his, "I'm not going anywhere. I love you, and nothing in the world will ever change that."

She leaned forward, resting her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her carefully. He knew she was trying to stay awake, and he smirked when she yawned, burying her head deeper into his shoulder.

"Jen, go back to sleep."

She shook her head and glanced up at him.

"I need to stay awake."

"Why?"

"To memorise you. I don't want to let any moment go if I can help it."

He smiled softly, stepping back enough that he could look at her properly, and shook his head.

"Come on, Jen. I'll stay with you."

He could see her fighting it, but she finally nodded and he lifted her easily into his arms. Her head fell back against his chest and by the time he had made it up to the bedroom, she was sleeping deeply in his embrace. He smiled as he laid next to her, nothing if not a man of his word, and he was still smiling as he held her in his arms four hours later.

* * *

Gibbs knew, without even looking at her, that something was bothering her. She'd been sullen and despondent all afternoon, and if he was honest, it was beginning to piss him off. It had been three weeks since his father's passing, and she'd been given the all-clear by Ducky to return to work whenever she wanted, so he knew it wasn't boredom causing her mood. He hadn't seen her this agitated outside of work in awhile, and he frowned as he watched her from the corner of his eye.

She was attempting to read a book, and when she sighed as she read, he rolled his eyes at the sound.

"Something wrong, Jen?"

She frowned, looking at him over her book and shook her head.

"Why would something be wrong?"

He rolled his eyes again and she glared at him.

"Come on. You've been more than a little pissed all day. What's going on?"

As soon as he said it, he knew it was the wrong thing to say. She slammed her book shut, impressively loudly considering it was a paperback, and tossed it on the table. So she wasn't messing with him. Something really _was_ bothering her.

"I'm perfectly fine, Jethro. If I seem a bit pissed off, maybe it's just you."

He frowned, and set his drink down, taking a step closer to her.

"Jen—"

"Not now."

She pushed past him, still moving a bit slower than normal, and he caught her by the arm. She glared at him, whipping around to face him, and blinked when her hair smacked her in the face.

"What are you doing?"

"Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Pulling her arm free, she shook her head and glanced at her watch.

"I can't, Jethro. I have to go. Now."

He frowned, looking at her seriously, and reached for her arm again.

"Where?"

"Upstairs."

"Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"_Why_, Jen?"

"I have to check my pregnancy test, Jethro! Or would you rather I just waited nine months and see what happens?"

He froze at her words, his hand dropping from her arm and he simply stared at her. She began walking to the stairs, and it was a few seconds before he took off after her, not willing to let her leave his sight. His mind was reeling, and he could only imagine how she was feeling.

"What are you talking about?"

She tossed him a look over his shoulder that clearly said _Are you an idiot _and he shook his head.

"You know what I meant. What makes you think you're pregnant?"

Jenny still hadn't answered him and as he followed her into the small bathroom, he frowned. She'd lined the three tests that she'd bought neatly on the sink, and she stole another glance at her watch.

"I'm late, Jethro."

At first, he was confused, then it dawned on him what she meant. He'd never stopped to keep track of her cycle, but he knew it wasn't something she would be mistaken on. Women were pretty consistent about keeping track, weren't they?  
"How late?"

"Five days," she said quietly.

"Is that a lot?"

She shrugged.

"Mine's always been a little irregular, but it's never been this late."

Her mood suddenly made perfect sense, and he looked at her seriously.

"You're scared."

She punched him hard on the arm and he winced.

"Of _course_ I'm scared, you idiot!" she hissed, "I don't want children. Don't get me wrong, I love Tori, and I know that you probably secretly want to be a father again, but I can't do it! I'm not meant to be a mother. I don't know the first thing about children."

She was trying not to cry, and she leaned her head into his chest.

"Jethro," she whispered, "what are we going to do?"

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her bowed head.

"Nothing," he said simply, "We don't know anything yet. No use in getting freaked out about it now. Let's wait and see what the tests say first."

She nodded, and he tapped her head lightly.

"How much longer?"

Glancing at her watch, Jenny sighed.

"Thirty seconds."

Pulling away from him, Jenny began to pace around the small room, and he frowned as he watched her. If he were to be truly honest with himself, he was just as nervous as she was. He'd never considered having children again, especially not at his age, and he wasn't sure if it was even something he wanted.

He reached out and stopped her pacing, pointing to the sink.

"It's time, Jen."

She nodded, walking slowly over to the counter and then shook her head.

"I can't. I can't do it, Jethro. How could this have happened? We were so careful, we took every precaution, I don't think I can—"

"Jen. Calm down. It's negative."

She froze, looking at him in shock.

"You're sure?" she asked weakly.

He nodded, holding up all three tests for her to see. The tiny blue negative sign was quite possibly the most relieving thing she had seen in months and she sighed, placing her hand over her mouth.

"It's negative?" she whispered.

"Yep. That's what the little minus sign means. You're just late, Jen."

Jenny launched herself across the tiny room, throwing her arms around his waist and he smirked as he dropped the tests into the trash bin.

"I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but..."

"Actually, Jen, now that I really think about it...a baby at my age would be really difficult. I don't think I would want that."

She nodded, looking up at him with a serious expression.

"You're right. You're old."

His hand smacked the back of her head and he laughed.

"Not too old to kick your ass, Shepard."

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Bring it, gunny. You don't scare me."

He leaned down to kiss her, and when his tongue swept into her mouth, she moaned, tightening her grip on his waist.

"God, Jethro...if it had been positive...what would people think?" she whispered as she kissed him again.

"They'd think we were having sex, Jen. Which we are."

She frowned.

"We are? Doesn't feel like it. You must be losing your touch, because I don't feel anything."

He yanked her hair to the side, kissing her throat, feeling her erratic pulse against his lips, and when he brought his mouth to hers again, she wound her fingers into his hair. His tongue danced over hers, causing her to moan into the kiss, and when he pulled back, she leaned into him heavily.

"Still don't feel anything?"

"No," she whispered breathlessly, "I definitely felt that."

He backed her out of the room, crashing her into the wall and he lifted her slightly off her feet. She gasped as he kissed her again and when he tried to pull her to the stairs, she stopped him with a shake of her head.

"We just found out that I'm not pregnant. Do you really want to risk tempting fate?"

He kissed her hard, pulling her against him.

"I have condoms," he reminded her.

She smiled at him and he grabbed her around the waist, throwing her over his shoulder. Her phone rang loudly in the silence, and she laughed as he carried her up the stairs.

"Jethro, my phone is ringing."

"Yeah, I hear it."

"I have to answer it," she laughed, swinging her feet in the air.

He tossed her onto the bed carefully, pinning her beneath him and he kissed her deeply, hoping to distract her. She groaned in frustration as her phone rang again and she pulled away from him, annoyed.

"Shepard," she answered breathlessly.

"Jenny, it's Heather."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

Jenny tried to focus on her phone call, pointedly trying to ignore Gibbs trailing his mouth along her throat, and she bit her lip to contain a moan.

"Jenny, I hate to ask you this, but David's in the hospital. Something about his gallbladder. I'm heading there now. Is there any way you and Jethro could watch Tori?"

Sitting up quickly, Jenny pushed Gibbs away from her and he frowned at her sudden seriousness.

"Hang on."

She turned to face him, her expression serious.

"David's in the hospital. Would you mind if Heather leaves Tori with us while she goes up there?"

He shook his head, and she returned to her call.

"Sure thing, Heather. We'll watch her for as long as you need."

"Thank you so much, Jenny. We'll be right over."

Hanging up the phone, the redhead turned to face her silver-haired fiance and offered him a smile of apology.

"Guess we'll have to do a rain check?"

He laughed, kissing her gently.

"Yeah. You owe me, Shepard."

Jenny grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, writing quickly. She kissed him as she slid it into his hand and as she walked out into the hallway, she could hear his quiet laughter.

_Jethro-_

_I owe you one long hot night filled with passionate sex and possible cuddling._

_ -Jen_

* * *

Tori hugged Jenny so hard that the redhead was nearly knocked backward as the door opened and Gibbs smiled at Heather as he took the child's overnight bag from her.

"Thank you so much. I really appreciate this."

Waving away her words, Gibbs smiled again.

"Don't mention it. Always glad to watch her."

Jenny straightened up from her position on the floor and hugged her sister, her voice low in her ear.

"Give David my best. Try not to worry."

The younger woman nodded and looked at her daughter seriously.

"You listen to me, Victoria Elise. You do what Aunt Jenny and Jethro tell you to do, and I don't want to hear anything about you fighting them at bedtime. Understood?"

"Yes, Mommy."

She hugged her daughter, oblivious to the look on her sister's face, and when she had walked away, Gibbs looked at Jenny, frowning.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said softly, "I just never knew her middle name before now."

"Something wrong with it?"

She sighed, shaking her head. Gibbs walked over and put his arm around her shoulder, his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke.

"Consider it a compliment. She gave her daughter your middle name even though you weren't speaking at the time. Shows how much she loves you."

Jenny nodded and Tori chose that moment to walk up to her, tugging on the hem of her long shirt.

"Aunt Jenny?"

Looking down, Jenny smiled at the girl and tried to keep her emotions in check.

"Yeah?"

"Is my Daddy going to be okay?"

Jenny knelt down, looking at the tiny child and wrapped her arms around her.

"Yeah, Tori. His gallbladder is just a little sick right now. The doctors can take care of him."

Tori nodded, and Jenny released her, laughing as she immediately ran to Gibbs, reaching for his hand.

"Can I see your pirate ship, Jethro? Please?"

He winked at Jenny and looked down at the little girl seriously.

"I dunno, Tori. I heard my neighbours stole it and I don't know if they brought it back yet. Why don't we go look?"

"You can steal a pirate ship? I thought pirates were the stealers."

Jenny laughed and walked closer, reaching for her other hand.

"Let's go look, okay? Maybe they were nice enough to return it."

"Okay!"

Tori was practically jumping in her excitement and she ran ahead of the adults, and when she reached the basement steps, Gibbs frowned.

"Careful, Tori," he called.

No sooner had the words left his mouth than they heard the sound of Tori's feet slipping on the steps. Jenny ran towards the sound, fear gripping her as she skidded to a stop behind the little girl in the middle of the stairs. She knelt down, carefully examining the small scrape on the girl's knee and Tori looked at her with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said tearfully, " I didn't mean to."

"Shh, it's okay, sweetie," Jenny said gently, pulling her into her lap.

Gibbs handed her a cloth that he had grabbed from the bathroom and Jenny began carefully cleaning the scratch. It was small, nothing to worry about, but Tori's eyes were filled with tears that Jenny personally thought were more fitting to a bullet wound.

"Aunt Jenny?"

"Hm?"

"Am I in trouble?"

She smiled, running her hand over Tori's hair, and shook her head.

"No. What did you learn from this?"

"Don't run," Tori mumbled.

"That's right. Now, let's see if we can find Jethro's boat."

Tori glanced up, locating it instantly, and pointed excitedly.

"I found it!"

She stood up, hugging Jenny before she walked down the steps, and Gibbs held out his hand, helping her up from her place on the ground. Jenny smiled at him and, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him.

"You did great," he murmured, his lips warm on her ear.

She turned, kissing him gently and Tori's squeal of disgust made her smile against his lips.

"Gross! You're as bad as Mommy and Daddy!"

Gibbs smirked and Jenny leaned back in his embrace.

"Grown ups are weird..." Tori muttered as she crawled under the boat.

Jenny couldn't help it. She laughed, leaning her head on Gibbs' shoulder, and when Tori poked her head out again, her serious tone only made her laugh harder.

"Come _on_, Aunt Jenny! We need to check the ship for treasure."

Gibbs laughed as he was pulled down the steps and as he crawled under the boat, he wondered how he had ever let Jenny walk out of his life before. She filled the gaping hole that had been left by Shannon and Kelly's death, and he would be damned if he ever let her go again.

* * *

"One more story, Aunt Jenny! Please!"

Jenny shook her head as they walked up the stairs, and when Tori went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes tiredly. Though she loved Tori, she had no idea how her sister managed every day. It was simply exhausting. Gibbs was faring only a little better than she was, but she knew that was because he was out of practice. He'd be fine in a few hours. As for herself...she'd need at least a week to recuperate from this. The bathroom door opened and Tori was looking down at her hand, confused.

"What's this, Aunt Jenny?"

With horror, Jenny realised that she was holding one of the pregnancy tests, and she reached out to pull it from her grasp.

"It's...it's a test."

Tori frowned.

"A test? Like a math test?"

Jenny laughed.

"Sort of. It's a pregnancy test. It's to tell if a woman is going to have a baby."

"Oh."

Relieved that the subject had been dropped, Jenny swept the little girl into her arms, heading for the stairs. She placed her gently on the bed, and as she settled down under the blankets, Tori smiled up at the older woman.

"Are you and Jethro going to get married, Aunt Jenny?"

Jenny nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah. In October. Would you like to be the flower girl for our wedding?"

Tori frowned.

"Is that the person who carries the ring?"

"No," Jenny laughed, shaking her head, "That's the ring bearer. The flower girl walks down the aisle and spreads flowers to make it look pretty."

Tori brightened at that, nodding enthusiastically.

"Okay! Do I get wear a princess dress?"

"You'd have to ask your mommy."

Jenny leaned forward, kissing her forehead gently, and smiled.

"Go to sleep, Tori. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night, Aunt Jenny. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetie."

* * *

When Jenny walked back down to the basement, she wasn't surprised to see Gibbs taking a drink of bourbon as he ran his hand over the boat. She knew he was checking to make sure Tori hadn't accidentally scratched the wood, and he turned when he felt her lay a hand on his shoulder.

"She go down okay?"

"She's not a toddler or an infant, Jethro," Jenny laughed, "But yes. She's asleep in our room."

He smiled at her words, touched that she'd called it "their" room, and he leaned closer, brushing his lips over hers in the barest hint of a kiss. He handed her the mason jar of bourbon and she frowned, looking down at it in confusion.

"Are you drunk?"

"Nah. But after the day we've had, I think you can handle one drink. One, Jen. That's it. Don't think I won't be watching you like a hawk."

She laughed quietly, tipping the glass back slowly. The burning of the liquid on her tongue was the best kind of fire she'd tasted in weeks, and she nearly moaned as she swallowed it.

"Thought women only got that look when they orgasmed," Gibbs deadpanned.

Choking on the liquid as she laughed, Jenny smacked his arm lightly.

"Jethro!" she gasped, "That was...oh my God..."

"I feel like I've heard that before. Those exact words."

"Oh?" she said, raising her eyebrow.

He nodded, moving closer to her.

"Yeah. Pretty sure. Kinda hard to tell. Maybe if you screamed them..."

His voice was low, his breath warm on her neck just below her ear, and she shivered as she raised her eyes to his. They were dark, causing her body to tremble as he brushed her hair behind her ear, and his hand lingered on her cheek as he kissed her gently.

"Jethro."

He had to give her credit. It took a special skill to be able to speak that clearly through the kiss he was giving her, and he sighed as he pulled away.

"What?"

"Tori's upstairs," she reminded him.

"Then be quiet, Jen," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

He kissed her again, hands tangling in her hair, and he lifted her off her feet, carrying her to the small couch in the corner. He made quick work of the shirt she wore, tossing it over his shoulder and his own soon followed. His hand slid under the waistband of her jeans and he smirked as her head fell back against the couch.

"Jethro..."

His name fell from her lips on a whisper of air, and just as he was about to pop the button loose, the basement door opened and they heard Tori's small voice at the top of the stairs.

"Aunt Jenny? Jethro?"

Gibbs tossed Jenny her shirt and within seconds they were both dressed and Tori walked down the steps, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Tori, you should be in bed," Gibbs said softly.

"I had a dream about Daddy. He's not gonna die, is he, Aunt Jenny?"

Jenny patted the spot next to her on the couch and Tori walked over to her, sitting as close as she could without being in her lap.

"Your daddy is going to be fine, Tori. Your mommy is with him right now, and she's going to be back to get you in the morning."

"Can I visit him?"

"I'm sure your mommy would like that."

Tori looked at her seriously, and Jenny frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared, Aunt Jenny."

Jenny lifted the little girl into her lap, holding her close, and Gibbs came to sit next to them, wrapping his arm around both of them.

"Tori, did you ever see _Star Wars_?" Jenny asked.

"Yeah," she sniffed, "Princess Leia is my favourite."

Jenny nodded, kissing Tori's hair gently, tightening her arms around her as she continued.

"Well, you know how Princess Leia was tortured by Darth Vader to give up the location of the rebel base? She was scared too. Everyone gets scared sometimes, Tori. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with being scared, Tori. But you also have to be brave. Even when you don't think it matters, even if you don't see the point. Being brave is better than running away because you were scared. Do you understand?"

Tori nodded, snuggling deeper into Jenny's arms, and Gibbs leaned over, kissing her hair gently.

"I'll try to be brave," Tori said softly.

"Just think to yourself, "Be like Leia", whenever you feel scared. Try that, okay?"

"Okay."

She was beginning to fall asleep again, and Jenny stood, carefully carrying her to the steps. Gibbs stopped her just as she was about to walk up them, and held out his arms.

"I'll take her. Don't want you putting too much strain on your leg."

Rather than fight him, Jenny nodded, handing Tori over to him. She made her way tiredly back to the couch, collapsing on it as she ran her hand through her hair. Kids were definitely exhausting.

* * *

Tori stirred a little as Gibbs laid her on the bed, and she smiled as he held out his hand. Kelly's old rabbit was in his hand and the little girl took it from him, frowning.

"I'm seven, Jethro," she said, the exasperation in her voice reminding him strongly of Jenny.

He nodded.

"I know. But I was wondering if you could do me a favour. See, this rabbit belonged to my daughter, Kelly. She's not here anymore to take care of him, and I was hoping maybe you could do it for her. His name is Jack."

Tori nodded.

"I guess so."

"When you get scared, you can tell Jack all about it."

She held the rabbit tightly, and Gibbs smiled.

"You know how your Aunt Jenny told you to think of Princess Leia when you get scared?"

Nodding, Tori tucked Jack into the bed next to her and he tapped her nose gently.

"Your Aunt Jenny is braver than Princess Leia ever was. She's been tortured, kidnapped, and shot more times than Leia ever was."

"Was she scared?"

Gibbs nodded, looking at her seriously.

"Very. But she's the strongest, bravest person I know. Whenever you get scared, I want you to think "Be like Aunt Jenny". I'll tell you more stories later, okay? Maybe tomorrow, after your mommy takes you to see your daddy. Would you like that?"

"Yeah."

He kissed her forehead and wrapped the blankets tighter around her.

"Good night, Tori."

"Night, Jethro. Love you!"

He smiled.

"Love you, too."

* * *

When Gibbs saw Jenny laying on the couch as he walked back down into the basement, he smiled. He pulled her into his arms as he laid behind her, and she smiled as she looked up at him tiredly.

"I'm so glad that test was negative," she murmured.

He laughed.

"You and me both. No privacy, endless questions, I definitely couldn't do it again."

Kissing her temple lightly, he smiled as he breathed in the scent of her perfume.

"You were amazing with her tonight, Jen."

"I was so worried that I was going to say the wrong thing."

"Nah. You did perfectly. Get some sleep. She'll be up bright and early in the morning."

"Can't wait," Jenny yawned sarcastically.

Her breathing was slow and even, and he smiled again as he thought of what he'd said to Tori. She really was the bravest person he knew.

* * *

Heather smiled as Jenny opened the door and Jenny returned it tiredly. Just as Gibbs had said, Tori had woken early and after being entertained by stories about Jenny and Gibbs in Europe, she was now waiting on the couch, Jack the rabbit held tightly in her arms.

"Mommy! Can we go see Daddy?"

Heather nodded.

"Yeah. Were you a good girl for Aunt Jenny and Jethro?"

Tori bobbed her head up and down, suddenly remembering something.

"Mommy, how does a test tell you if you're going to have a baby?"

Jenny paled and Gibbs snorted into his coffee as Tori looked to her mother expectantly.

"I'll explain it to you when you're older. Why do you ask?"

"I found one in the trash."

Heather frowned, looking between Jenny and Gibbs, pointing to the door.

"Tori, why don't you go wait in the car? Say goodbye to Aunt Jenny and Jethro."

"Bye!" she waved as she bounced down the porch steps.

Heather fixed her sister with a serious look and Jenny found herself staring at the floor.

"You're pregnant?"

"No. Just a scare," Gibbs said, handing Jenny another cup of coffee.

"Oh. Well...was she well behaved last night? I can't tell you how much I appreciate you watching her."

Jenny smiled, hugging her sister gently.

"She was great. A little too excited about the boat, and she had a nightmare last night, but other than that, she was fine."

Heather nodded, and after thanking them again, she walked back to her car, eager to get back to her husband. Jenny closed the door, glaring at Gibbs as he burst into laughter when she walked closer. She punched his arm, and he held up his hands, still laughing.

"Come on, Jen! You didn't think you'd get off that easy, did you? She's a kid. She's gonna ask."

"Shut up."

"At least she didn't see us last night. _That_ would have been a difficult one to explain away."

"Shut up, Jethro."

He pulled her into his arms, and kissed the shell of her ear lightly.

"I believe you owe me something, Director Shepard."

"I said I owed you one night. It's morning."

"Details," he shrugged, pulling her closer.

He led her up the stairs, and as he kissed her deeply, Jenny found that she didn't really give a damn about the details.

* * *

**A/N: I can't even imagine how terrifying it must be to have a pregnancy scare. Kids are definitely not my thing.**


	39. Trouble in Shangri-La

**A/N: Happy Saturday, my loves! Hope you enjoy! In which Jenny does a terrible thing due to stress.**

* * *

By the time lunch had rolled around, Jennifer Shepard had sworn (no less than eleven times) that she was going to murder one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He'd spilled her coffee, called her incessantly for fifteen minutes just to annoy her, and now he'd tried to storm into a crime scene without securing a warrant. She rolled her eyes as she flipped mindlessly through the various news channels, and sipped her replacement coffee, creatively coming up with entertaining ways to annoy her fiance when she left work.

Her phone rang, and Jenny sighed, glancing at the display. When she realised it wasn't Gibbs, she smiled, and picked it up, her mood considerably lighter than it had been previously.

"Hey, Heather."

"Hi. Just wanted you to know that David is home from the hospital."

"That's great. I'm glad everything worked out."

"Thanks again for watching Tori. It really means a lot to me."

Jenny sighed as her office phone rang, and ran her hand through her hair.

"It's no problem. I hate to cut this short, but I have to go."

"Oh, okay. Talk to you soon!"

Heather hung up and Jenny quickly picked up her phone, slipping into her Director persona.

"Shepard."

"I need you to put a fast track on that warrant."

"What have you done?" she sighed exasperatedly.

"Well, it's nice to talk to you too, sweetheart," Gibbs remarked sarcastically.

"I'm going to kill you," she muttered.

"Nah, you'd miss me. Anyway, this guy's got sensitive information and I need to get to it. If we don't get in there today, we're gonna lose him."

She tapped her nails against her desk and sighed.

"I'll do my best."

"Never expected anything less."

* * *

While he was waiting for Jenny to secure their search warrant, Gibbs had McGee checking every aspect of their suspect's background. He'd been squeaky clean when Gibbs himself had checked, which had naturally made him suspicious, and so he had enlisted the help of the tech expert, hoping he could find something they had initially missed.

"Uh, boss? Lange was working with explosives before he disappeared."

"Meaning what, Elf Lord?"

"Disarming bombs, arming them, building them out of paper or random objects..."

Gibbs frowned.

"You can make a bomb out of _paper_?"

McGee nodded.

"If you have the knowledge and the materials, yeah."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, and as he glanced up to the catwalk, he was relieved to see his favourite redhead walking down the steps. Her eyes met his as she walked and he flashed her a smile. She stopped in front of his desk, tossing the folded piece of paper she carried onto the top and he picked it up quickly.

"Your search warrant."

He nodded.

"Thank you, Director."

He yelled for his team, ordering them to the elevator and grabbing his gear. Halfway to the lift, he turned, walking back to the redhead still standing in front of his desk and stopped. Jenny looked at him curiously and he smiled. Kissing her cheek quickly, he leaned close to her, whispering so only she could hear.

"I owe you, Jen."

"Be safe," she whispered back.

He nodded and walked to the elevator, stepping into it quickly. Their eyes met as the doors slid shut and as she walked back up to her office, she shook her head slowly. One of these days, she was definitely going to kill that man.

* * *

Working so closely with Gibbs made McGee nervous at times. Ziva and Tony were off searching for Sergeant Lange, leaving the young agent alone with their boss, and as he tried to find a way to open the pass-code protected door, McGee found himself wishing he were anywhere else. Not that he disliked working with the silver-haired team leader, but sometimes it made him feel less than adequate.

"McGee, can you get in?"

He frowned, still examining the lock.

"Maybe."

Gibbs nodded, waiting impatiently to see if the younger man would make any progress. This was one of the many reasons he hated modern technology. It made things unnecessarily complicated. Something about this whole situation was making him uneasy, and he frowned, trying to figure out what it was that he didn't like.

"Boss, we found Lange," Tony said as he and Ziva approached.

"Good, maybe he can give McGee the code to get us in."

Tony shook his head, looking serious.

"Lange is dead."

"Bullet to the head," Ziva added.

Sighing, Gibbs turned back to McGee, and the younger agent smiled.

"I think I got it, boss."

Gibbs frowned as he noticed a faint red light near the hinge of the door, and leaned closer to examine it. It appeared to be a motion sensor, and just as McGee began opening the door, Gibbs realised what it was. He reached for the younger agent, yanking him back, and as the door crossed into the path of the light, the resounding explosion knocked them all off their feet.

Tony and Ziva, being the farthest away, were quickly able to recover, and the Senior Field Agent quickly crawled to the younger man, turning him over carefully.

"McGee! McGee, can you hear me?"

There was no answer, and Ziva grabbed Tony's arm slowly. She nodded in Gibbs' direction and he swore. Blood covered his face, his eyes were closed, and there was a large gash just above his left eye from which a large piece of metal protruded. McGee wasn't faring much better, and Ziva pulled out her phone to call an ambulance.

"Boss, can you hear me?"

He looked to the woman standing next to him, more lost than she had seen him in over a year.

"What the hell do we do?"

She sighed.

"We wait."

* * *

Ducky swore softly as he took in the scene, and when he approached the two members of the MCRT that were still standing, he frowned.

"What happened, Anthony?"

"Door was rigged to explode. McGee and Gibbs got the worst of it. Gibbs tried to pull him back, but they were still close."

Ducky nodded.

"He saved that young man's life," he said as he examined the door, "If he'd been this close when it blew, he would have died."

"They're taking them both to Portsmouth. Should be there in about ten minutes. We've still got some work to do, and then—" Tony broke off suddenly, his eyes wide.

"What is it?" Ziva asked.

"Director Shepard. We need to let her know what's happened."

"You haven't told Jennifer yet?" Ducky asked incredulously.

Tony shook his head.

"We got caught up in trying to secure everything."

Ducky frowned, meeting his eyes seriously.

"You'd better not waste any more time, then."

Sighing, Tony pulled out his phone. This was definitely not a call he wanted to make. Not again.

* * *

Placing her head in her hands, Jenny sighed, rubbing her temple tiredly. She was still waiting to hear how Gibbs' latest case had gone, and when her phone rang, she moaned softly.

"Finally."

She picked up the receiver, cradling it between her ear and shoulder, searching for her glasses.

"Shepard."

"Director Shepard, Tony DiNozzo."

She was instantly alert, sitting up straight in her chair, and frowned.

"What is it, DiNozzo?"

"Ma'am, we have a bit of a problem. When McGee and Gibbs tried to enter the suspect's home, the door exploded. Both McGee and Gibbs were taken to Portsmouth. Ducky should be there now."

"How bad was it, Tony?"

"Hard to say, ma'am."

"Thank you."

She hung up without waiting for a response, and grabbed her things as quickly as she could. Dialing Agent Fredericks as she walked to the door, Jenny fought to keep her fear in check as she waited for him to answer. Panicking would be of no use to her.

"Fredericks."

"Kenny, I need you to drive me to Portsmouth. As quickly as possible."

"Yes, ma'am. I'll meet you in the lot."

Pointedly ignoring the looks of everyone in the building as she stepped into the elevator, Jenny wiped away the stray tear that fell as soon as the doors shut. She'd told him to be safe, damn it.

* * *

"Jennifer!"

Turning at the sound of the Scottish voice, Jenny walked closer, falling into his open arms as soon as she was near enough.

"Any news?"

He shook his head.

"No. They won't let anyone back unless you're family, but you might have some luck, being Jethro's fiance."

She nodded, making her way to the reception area. The woman sitting behind the desk looked painfully bored, and she barely even glanced up at Jenny as she stood in front of her.

"Excuse me."

The woman finally looked at her, and Jenny fought the urge to scream. Couldn't she see that she was in a hurry?

"My fiance was just brought in. I need to know his condition."

"Name?"

"Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, NCIS."

"And you are?"

_I'm the woman who's about to kick your ass,_ Jenny thought angrily.

"Director Jennifer Shepard, NCIS. I'm his boss."

The woman frowned.

"Thought he was your fiance."

"He's both. What's his condition?"

Punching in a few keys on her computer, the receptionist sighed, glancing up at the redhead.

"He's stable, but no one is allowed in. Check back in a few hours."

Fighting the urge to scream in frustration, Jenny turned on her heel, returning to Ducky. He gave her a sympathetic smile and led her to the chairs near the edge of the waiting room. Once they were seated, he took her hand in his gently, and she brought her eyes to his.

"You should know, Jethro saved young Timothy's life. Anthony told me what happened, and it's very lucky that he acted so quickly."

"I told him to be safe," Jenny whispered.

He nodded sadly, looking at her seriously.

"Jennifer...why don't you go home? Get some sleep, try to calm down...making yourself sick with worry won't help him."

She shook her head and he glared at her.

"I'm not asking you this time. Go home. I'll call you if anything changes. I don't want to see you for at least three hours."

"Ducky, what if Jethro—"

"Jethro is being given the best medical care available. Go take care of yourself, or you'll wind up here in a bed next to him."

Jenny sighed, knowing he was likely right, and when she stood, he followed her. Pulling her into his arms, he kissed the side of her head softly, and she smiled sadly.

"If you do see him first, tell him I'm going to kick his ass."

He laughed and released her slowly.

"I will. Take care, my dear."

As Kenny Fredericks drove her back to Gibbs' house, Jenny didn't even try to hide her tears as they fell.

* * *

Jenny Shepard, in the dark of her fiance's empty basement, set out very methodically about getting drunk. She'd asked Kenny to stop at a liquor store on the way, and though she knew she probably should, she didn't feel the least bit guilty about drinking. She had no idea how to handle the vast emotions spinning around her mind, and as she drained the last of the bottle, she let her eyes wander around the empty room.

It was strange, being here without a certain stoic former marine, and she walked slowly over to the boat, running her hand over its smooth surface. Her hands moved over the wood carefully, admiring the craftsmanship that it took to create such a piece of beauty. She'd never really told him how impressed she was with his carpentry skills, and now she was terrified that she would never have the chance.

If he died, what was she supposed to do? How could the world continue to turn if he was no longer there? It didn't seem possible that the universe could continue to exist without him, and Jenny fought against the sob building in her throat. She knew that thinking that way was ridiculous, that his life was merely one of many, but to her, it was the most important life in existence.

She continued to look around the basement, frowning when she came across a small box at the very back of a shelf and she carefully pulled it out and placed it onto the table in front of her. Opening it slowly, she smiled when she found herself looking at a younger Gibbs, smiling at his daughter as Shannon held her in her arms. She didn't know who had taken the photo, but seeing it brought tears to her eyes. A simple gold wedding band was next, sitting atop their marriage license, and she touched the ring gently.

As she continued to look through the box, she found a few cards and letters written by Shannon and Kelly when Gibbs had been deployed, and when she pulled out a newer photograph, she frowned. It was old, but still newer than the others, and as she stared at it, she placed her hand over her mouth. It had been taken in Paris, not long after they'd arrived, and the look on his face made her frown. How could she have ever doubted his love for her? It was there in the way he looked at her, the way he wrapped his arms around her, and the way he smiled at her. It was as obvious as the day is long, and seeing it in this picture was enough to make her cry.

She returned the picture to the box, and placed the lid on top. Her hands shook as she wiped her tears away, and she looked up to the ceiling. Suddenly, she didn't want to be alone anymore, and she reached for her keys as she made her way to the steps, not even thinking about the consequences as she threw herself behind the wheel. She only knew that she had to get out of the house. Fast.

* * *

Heather frowned at the incessant knocking on her front door, and when she opened it to find her sister leaning heavily on the frame, her confusion only increased.

"Jenny? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She shook her head, her hair sticking to her damp cheek.

"Jethro...he was in an explosion. He's at Portsmouth right now."

Grabbing her sister's arm and pulling her into the house, Heather quickly closed the door behind her, concerned.

"Is he okay? Why aren't you there?"

Jenny shook her head again, trying to focus.

"Doctors won't let me see him. They said he's stable, but..."

She trailed off, and Heather frowned as she stumbled into the living room.

"Jenny...are you drunk?"

Frowning, Jenny sank down onto Heather's couch, staring at her hands. She didn't answer for a long moment, and then she sighed.

"I think I am, yeah."

"Did you...did you drive here?"

Jenny shrugged, and Heather grabbed her arm angrily.

"Jennifer Elise Shepard, are you out of your fucking mind? You know how dangerous it is to drive drunk! Not to mention illegal. You could have killed someone! You could have killed yourself!"

"Aunt Jenny! Hi! Did you come to play?"

Heather whipped around at the sound of her daughter's voice, and frowned. She didn't want Tori seeing Jenny this way, and she knelt down slowly.

"Tori, why don't you go play in your room for awhile? I need to talk to your Aunt Jenny."

"Okay. Is she okay? She looks sick."

Heather smiled, lightly pushing her down the hallway.

"She's fine, honey. Go play."

When she had returned, Heather sat down next to her sister and looked at her quietly for a moment. Tori was right in saying that she looked sick. She was pale, and she looked as though she hadn't slept in years. Tears slipped down her face silently, and she made no move to wipe them away.

"Jenny...I know you're upset—"

"Of course I am! What if he dies, Heather? I don't know what I'll do without him. He's all I have."

"Thanks," Heather muttered dryly.

"You know what I mean. He was there for me when no one else was. I wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for Jethro. He's saved my life more times than I can count."

Heather took her hand, looking at her seriously.

"I know, Jenny. But he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. It's dangerous."

"I need to go to the hospital, Heather. I have to see him. I have to."

Nodding, Heather hugged her gently.

"Of course. I'll drive. Come on."

* * *

After letting her husband know that she would be leaving for awhile, Heather Lloyd helped her sister into her car and carefully made her way to Portsmouth. She occasionally glanced at the older redhead as she drove, wondering what was going through her mind as she twisted her hands in her lap. Pulling into the lot, she took a deep breath and turned to Jenny, smiling reassuringly.

"Try to stay calm. I'm sure everything will be fine."

Jenny nodded, and they exited the car. As soon as they had entered the nearly-deserted waiting area, Jenny's eyes landed on the Scottish doctor sitting near the reception area and walked over on unsteady feet.

"Ducky, any news?"

He turned, looking at her harshly and shook his head.

"Jennifer, I told you that I would call. What are you doing here?"

"I had to see him. I can't stand it."

She stumbled and he caught her in his arms, frowning at the bourbon he smelled on her.

"You're drunk, my dear. Please tell me that you didn't drive here in your inebriated state."

"I drove her," Heather spoke up, extending her hand to Ducky, "Heather Lloyd. I'm Jenny's sister."

"Ah, how lovely to meet you, my dear. Doctor Donald Mallard, but you may call me Ducky."

He released Jenny, and took Heather's outstretched hand.

"I do wish we were meeting under more pleasant circumstances."

"I agree."

Jenny walked slowly to the receptionist desk, noticing that a different woman was working now, and smiled.

"Excuse me, is there any way I can see my fiance? His name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

The young woman frowned, looking up the information on her computer.

"He's been moved to another room, which is a good sign, so I'll check with his doctor and let you know, Miss..?"

"Director Jenny Shepard."

She nodded, and Jenny turned to smile at Ducky as she sank down onto one of the hard plastic chairs.

"I fucking hate hospitals," she whispered.

"You're lucky you didn't end up here yourself, Jenny. Driving to my house like that."

"Jennifer, you drove to your sister's house while intoxicated?"

Jenny sighed, placing her head in her hands.

"Save the lecture, Ducky. Please."

"Director Shepard?"

Her head snapped up, and she walked back up to the desk.

"You can see him, but he's probably asleep now."

"Thank you," Jenny whispered.

She all but ran to the room the nurse gave her, and Ducky exchanged a worried look with the younger woman left standing next to him. They only hoped Jenny would be able to handle seeing him in her (and his) current state.

* * *

Jenny fought back tears as she looked at the sleeping man in the bed before her, and made her way slowly closer. She took his hand in hers as she sat in the chair next to his bed and leaned forward, kissing his hair gently.

"What the hell were you thinking, Jethro?" she said quietly.

Her free hand began to trail through his hair and she leaned closer, resting her head on the pillow next to his head.

"You'd damn well better listen to me, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Just because I threaten your life on a daily basis does not give you permission to die. Do you understand? You're not getting away from me that easily."

She kissed him again and stood, her lips close to his ear.

"I love you. So much."

Walking back to the receptionist desk, Jenny gave the young woman her best smile.

"Could you give me Agent Timothy McGee's room, please? I'd like to see him."

"Room 206, Director Shepard."

"Thank you."

She walked purposefully to the room, surprised to see that McGee was awake and she smiled as she made her way closer to the bed.

"How are you, Tim?"

He shrugged, and she stopped at the side of the bed.

"How's Gibbs?"

Jenny frowned, shaking her head.

"Still asleep, but he's stable."

"He saved my life," McGee whispered.

Nodding, Jenny sat down in the chair next to his bed, and he finally met her eyes. She wasn't sure, but she thought she noticed tears glistening in his, and she placed her hand gently over his.

"I know. It wasn't your fault, McGee. Gibbs knows that, too."

She watched him for a moment longer and then stood, offering him a smile.

"Get some rest. I'll see you soon."

"Thank you, Director."

* * *

As the alcohol she had consumed began to wear off, Jenny was suddenly aware of just how badly her hands were shaking as she sat next to Gibbs' hospital bed. The cut above his eye had been closed with a butterfly closure, and other than the bruising on his face, Jenny thought that perhaps she could fool herself into thinking that he was sleeping naturally. She refused to even entertain the possibility that he might not remember her when he woke, and she laid her head down next to him on the bed.

Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath to steady herself. A slight movement behind her caused her to raise up, and as she saw the concerned face of Tony DiNozzo, she sighed.

"How is he?" the younger man asked.

"Still asleep. The sedative they gave him should be wearing off within a few hours."

Tony paused in his approach to the bed and looked at her seriously.

"Do they know if his memory—"

"No. He's going to be fine."

"How do you know?"

"I just know, Tony," Jenny answered, her voice desperate, "He's going to be fine. He has to be."

Of all the people to cry in front of, she did _not_ want that person to be Tony DiNozzo. It seemed that her body had other ideas and as the tears fell down her face, she looked down at the sleeping man next to her. She took his hand again, and bit down on her lip, trying to think of anything that would stop her tears. Jumping slightly at the hand on her shoulder. Jenny deliberately didn't turn around as she tried to calm down.

"Jenny."

The gentleness of Tony's voice caused her to turn and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders carefully. He'd never touched her this intimately before, and never would have dared to under normal circumstances, but she was too distraught and drunk to care.

"You're right. He's going to be fine."

She nodded, and he pulled out a tissue from his suit pocket. She accepted it gratefully, drying her eyes, and she smiled weakly as she turned back to Gibbs.

"He's too damn stubborn to die."

Tony laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, he is."

"I'm still gonna kick his ass, though."

* * *

Jenny sighed as she handed her car keys to Heather and hugged her gently.

"Thank you so much for taking my car back to Jethro's. I'm sorry about...all of this."

Heather shrugged, and kissed her cheek.

"Don't worry about it. Give Jethro my love when he wakes up and then smack him for me. No one gets to scare my sister but me."

Jenny laughed lightly and nodded.

"I will."

Heather hugged Ducky and once they were left alone, Ducky glared at the redhead, not even caring that they were in a public setting.

"Driving drunk is incredibly dangerous, Jennifer. I didn't think I needed to tell you that. You know better than to risk lives unnecessarily."

Jenny moaned, walking back down the hall to Gibbs' room.

"I know, Ducky. I know. It won't happen again. I shouldn't have even been drinking. I messed up."

He nodded, closing the door to the room and watching her as she looked at Gibbs.

"You're right. You shouldn't have. So why did you?"

"Because I was scared!" she sobbed, not even trying to hide her tears, "Ducky, no one would tell me anything, I didn't know if I was ever going to see Jethro again, I didn't know what to do!"

Ducky walked closer, pulling Jenny into his arms and as she sobbed into his shirt, he felt like an ass. He knew that Jenny realised the severity of her actions, knew that he shouldn't have pushed her, but he'd done it anyway. If for no other reason than to hear her admit that she was wrong.

"I know, my dear. But Jethro is going to be just fine."

She sniffed, pulling away from him, and collapsing in the chair beside the bed.

"I was so scared, Ducky. I can't lose him. I love him so much."

It was almost the exact thing Gibbs had said when Harrison had nearly killed Jenny, and Ducky ran his hand over her hair soothingly.

"I know you do. And he loves you more than anything in the world."

Jenny nodded, reaching for Gibbs' hand and Ducky hugged her gently before walking around to the other side of the bed and taking the other seat. Neither of them knew how long it would be before Gibbs regained consciousness, but Jenny knew nothing would make sense until she was looking into those bright blue eyes again.

* * *

**A/N: Let me be very clear: I in no way find drinking and driving to be acceptable. Yes, I wrote it that way, and that's how it will stay in order to show just how upset Jenny really was, but that is never a good decision. I hope that was made evident by Heather and Ducky's reactions. Oh yeah, I still owe you a one-shot, don't I?**


	40. Vices and Virtues

**A/N: It's everyone's favourite couple, in the continuing saga of pain and tragedy! Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

She didn't remember the exact moment that she realised she loved it when he called her "Jen", but it really didn't matter. Running her hand through his hair as he slept, Jenny found her thoughts wandering back to the early days of their relationship and it amazed her just how far they'd come. She'd never imagined that she would become so close to her boss and now, here they were, eight years later, planning their wedding. Their work roles had reversed, chain of command vastly different, but the connection they had was still the same.

She'd give anything to hear him call her by that nickname now, and she sighed as she felt Ducky's eyes on her from the opposite side of the bed.

"It's going to be okay," he said quietly, "The sedative should be wearing off soon."

"What if he doesn't remember me?"

Though she had told Tony she wasn't worried, the thought had been haunting her for hours. It had already happened once. She didn't think she could handle it a second time.

"He will."

Jenny nodded, thinking back to the first time she had ever touched him in a way that wasn't strictly professional. It had been in the elevator, after he'd cornered her to ask about the bleeding cut she'd inflicted on herself, and she smiled as she realised that nothing had changed. She still felt the same rush of electricity every time her skin touched his, and she knew, no matter what happened, she would always love the feeling of her skin being set on fire.

Gibbs shifted slightly, turning his head to the right, and Jenny immediately sat up, letting his hand fall back onto the bed, not wanting to startle him. As his eyes slowly opened, she unconsciously held her breath, and when he looked up at Ducky, he frowned slightly.

"Duck? Where am I?"

Ducky smiled, patting his hand gently.

"Portsmouth. Do you remember what happened?"

Jenny stayed silent, waiting to see how much he knew. Thinking, Gibbs frowned and finally he nodded slowly, his eyes pained.

"Door was rigged to explode. McGee. How's McGee?"

"He's fine. A few rooms down from you. He'll be very pleased to know you're awake."

Gibbs nodded again. His eyes widened as a thought occurred to him and Ducky frowned.

"What is it?"

"Jen. Where is she? Does she know?"

Smiling, Ducky glanced across the bed, and Gibbs turned his head, slightly embarrassed that he hadn't noticed her sitting there before now. She rolled her eyes as she smiled at him and he frowned.

"Why didn't you say something?"

She shrugged.

"Wanted to make sure you knew who I was this time. Did you really think I wouldn't be here?"

"Wasn't sure anyone had told you."

"I'm the Director, you idiot. Everyone tells me everything, whether I want them to or not."

He smirked, and she leaned over, kissing his cheek gently.

"I'll go tell the doctor that you're awake."

Her hand connected with the back of his head softly and he glared at her.

"What the hell, Jen?"

She shrugged.

"From Heather," was all she said as she walked out of the room.

Gibbs frowned, looking at the doctor sitting next to him.

"Heather was here?"

Ducky nodded.

"She drove Jennifer here."

"Jen's too good to drive herself now? Typical Director mentality," Gibbs muttered sarcastically.

Ducky laughed.

"Unfortunately, you're wrong. She did drive herself to Heather's house. Agent Fredericks drove her here the first time, and after I sent her home, she went to her sister. Heather didn't want to risk Jennifer killing herself or anyone else by driving drunk again, so she gave her a ride back up here."

The former marine nodded, and then as what Ducky had said finally clicked, he raised shocked eyes to the doctor.

"Wait. She drove to Heather's house..._drunk_? Jen's not that stupid. There's no way."

Ducky sighed, looking at him sadly.

"You don't understand how upset she was. She was bordering on hysterical when she first arrived. That's why I sent her home. If I had known that she was going to drink, I would have never let her leave."

"Jenny doesn't get hysterical, Duck. She's a pro at keeping her emotions in check."

Ducky shook his head.

"Jethro, don't you understand how much that young woman loves you? The only time I've ever known her to show any fear or sadness, with the exception of the aftermath of her rape, has been when something has happened to you. The only thing that has the power to get through her facade, to make her admit that she is, in fact, human..is _you_."

Gibbs was considering his words quietly when the redhead returned, giving him a tired smile. She sat down next to him and when he refused to meet her eyes, she frowned.

"What's wrong?"

He looked at her then, and she was surprised to see the anger flaring in his eyes.

"You drove to your sister's house drunk?"

She sighed.

"It was a mistake—"

"It was stupid, Jen! Do you know how dangerous that is? I can't believe you would do something so—"

"Don't," she whispered, "please."

"You can't get out of this by ignoring it! You made a dangerous decision, and I can't understand how—"

"I know I fucked up, Jethro!" she said, tears threatening to fall, "Don't you think I've done nothing but beat myself up for this? I don't need you doing it, too."

She stood up, wiping her hand under her eyes and as she left the room, Gibbs sighed in frustration. Ducky glared at him and he sat up slowly.

"You're being much too hard on her, Jethro. She's already been through enough."

"She was reckless and could have killed someone. Could have killed herself."

"Jennifer knows that. She's been distraught ever since she received Anthony's phone call. You still don't understand. Do you remember what it felt like when Shawn Harrison sliced into Jennifer's throat and she was laying in this very hospital on the brink of dying? Or have you forgotten?"

"Of course I remember, Ducky," Gibbs snapped, glaring at the older man, "How could I forget?"

Ducky stared at him sadly.

"That's how she feels right now, Jethro. She's terrified of losing you."

Gibbs was silent as the attending physician entered the room, and Ducky sighed, wondering if his friend would ever truly understand the depth of the redhead's love for him. Somehow, he doubted it.

* * *

When Jenny walked into McGee's room, she nearly laughed at the shocked expression on his face.

"Director Shepard. What are you doing here?"

She shrugged, smiling at him.

"Thought you'd want to know that Gibbs is awake."

"That's good. Is his memory—"

"He's fine."

She moved closer, looking at him carefully. He was pale, but aside from a few cuts and bruises, he didn't look too bad.

"How are you, McGee?" she asked quietly, "Honestly."

"A little sore. Mostly just pissed at myself. I should have noticed that the door was rigged. It was a stupid mistake."

Thinking about her own actions, Jenny shook her head.

"No. You're not the one who made the mistake."

* * *

Pacing back and forth in the parking lot of the hospital, Jenny pulled out her phone, scrolling through her contacts tiredly, pausing when she came to one she hadn't used in years. She hit the call button, holding it to her ear, rifling through her purse as it rang.

"Burley."

"Hey, Stan. It's Jenny."

"Hey, Red! How are you? How's Gibbs?"

She smiled as she pulled out her knife, turning it over in her hands.

"He's fine. Listen, I know that we haven't talked in awhile, but can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, Shepard. What's up?"

She sighed, still pacing, and ran her hand through her hair.

"Do you...do you remember, back when we worked for Gibbs, and you found out that I..." she stopped, trying to think of a way to word it tactfully, "do you remember when you saw that cut on my arm?"

"Yeah," he answered slowly, "Jenny, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"I screwed up, Burley. Gibbs was in an explosion and we had a fight after he woke up. I'm trying not to handle it badly, but it's not going well."

"Woah, back up, Red. Start at the beginning."

Jenny nodded, leaning against the wall of the hospital, wishing desperately for a drink. As she recounted the events of the last few days, she tried to control the shaking of her hands. When she finished, Stan whistled and she rolled her eyes.

"Damn. Sounds like you're not having much luck lately. Where are you now? I can hear the wind blowing."

"Hospital lot. I needed to calm down before I go back in."

Burley was silent for a moment and Jenny slid down the wall, balancing on her heels.

"Jenny?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a knife right now?"

She laughed quietly.

"Rule nine, Burley."

"Where is it?"

"In my hand."

"Put it down."

Staring at the knife held between her fingers, Jenny sighed. She turned it over, admiring the glint of the light on the silver, and she jumped when she heard Burley's voice in her ear.

"Shepard. Put it down."

Jenny dropped the knife into her purse, and sighed as she closed her eyes.

"It's in my purse. Happy?"

"Jenny...go talk to Gibbs. You'll work it out. You've gotten through worse situations before. Call me and let me know how it goes."

"Okay. Thanks, Stan."

"Anytime, Red."

As she placed her phone in her back pocket, Jenny stood up, brushing her hands absentmindedly on her jeans. She was suddenly craving a cigarette in the worst way, and she'd never needed a drink so badly in her life.

* * *

Gibbs sighed as he watched the nurse leave the room, wondering where Jenny had gone. He knew that he'd been too hard on her, but he couldn't help the feeling of anger within his chest. She'd made a mistake, a dangerous one, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. Ducky had been right when he'd said that Jenny rarely showed fear, and when Gibbs stopped to think about it, he had been directly involved every time, with the one obvious exception.

Shit. He was beginning to understand why she'd turned to drinking in order to deal with her stress. In a way, he supposed it was even preferable, considering her past history. He'd never stopped to consider how upset she would be if something had happened to him. He had just assumed that she would find a way to cope and move on, given enough time. Now he felt like a bastard. Not that he agreed with her driving while under the influence, but he could definitely understand the drinking itself.

"Jethro?"

He glanced up, his eyes brightening as they landed on her, and she took a hesitant step into the room.

"The doctor's said that you're free to leave whenever you want. McGee's in the waiting area if you want to see him."

He nodded, looking at her seriously.

"Jen..."

She shook her head, stopping his words instantly. Her eyes were sad and he wondered if perhaps this time he had gone too far.

"Not here, okay? We'll talk later."

He swung his feet over the edge of the bed, reaching for the bag of clothing Ducky had brought from his house. She turned away and when she spoke again, she wouldn't look at him.

"I'll call Agent Fredericks to drive us."

Her voice was dull, lifeless, and he frowned as she walked into the waiting area. Damn. This wasn't good at all.

* * *

Jenny was silent during the entire drive to his house, and while he was used to not speaking, her silence unnerved him. She stared out of the window, her eyes unfocused, and she didn't even realise that the car had stopped until Gibbs opened the door.

"You coming?" he asked.

She blinked, nodding, and quietly thanked Fredericks as she stepped out of the car. Gibbs watched her as he slowly made his way inside, frowning when she headed for the stairs leading to the bedroom.

"Jen?"

She turned, her hollow eyes landing on his, and he closed the front door carefully.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," she murmured, "I'm just going to go lie down."

She disappeared up the steps and it only took him a fraction of a second to decide to follow her, ignoring the pain in his knee as he walked. She was curled on her side, still wearing her clothes, and he sat down next to her, debating on whether he should touch her or not.

"Talk to me, Jen. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

She sighed and he frowned.

"I'm sorry. I was out of line, and I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I was just worried, and it came out wrong."

"You judged me for a decision I made that you didn't agree with. A bad one, yes, but you put me on trial for it. Again. You keep doing it. I don't appreciate it."

He knew she was making a valid point, but it still stung.

"I know. I just...I want to keep you safe, and it scares me when I can't do that. I don't react well to being scared."

Jenny sighed, turning on her back and raising up so that she could look at him properly.

"I'm not a child. I'm not your little Probie anymore. I'm an adult, and you have to trust me. Yeah, I might fuck it up every now and then, but you have to allow me to do that. You're not responsible for my safety. I am. If you can't accept that, if you're going to keep judging every choice I make and condemning me when you don't agree with it...then this isn't going to work. I can't make every decision of my life based on what I think you would approve of."

He was silent for a moment, and finally he nodded, looking in her eyes intently.

"I know. You didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry. You're a smart woman, the smartest I know, and I know that you almost always make rational decisions."

She smiled sadly.

"Except when it comes to you. You make me crazier."

He leaned forward, kissing her gently, and when he moved back, he frowned at the tears in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"I thought I'd lost you," she whispered, "I was so scared that you wouldn't remember me."

"Even when I lost my memory, I still remembered you," he reminded her, "I could never forget you."

She nodded, and he looked at her closely. He could sense that something else was wrong, and he brushed her hair behind her ear.

"What else is wrong?"

"I almost cut myself this afternoon," she said, so quietly that he almost missed it.

"You didn't, though. I'm proud of you."

"Stan talked me out of it."

He frowned.

"Burley?"

Jenny nodded, trying not to blink.

"I called him. I couldn't talk to Ducky. He doesn't know. And I didn't want to scare Heather. Burley was my only option."

"Remind me to thank him."

She smiled and he pulled her into his arms. Turning so that they were both laying down, Gibbs buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply. Her perfume gave him a sense of calm that he didn't realise he'd needed, and as she laid in his embrace, she could feel herself growing more tired. She hadn't slept since the night before the explosion, and she closed her eyes, focusing on his steady heartbeat.

"I love you, Jethro," she whispered, "So much more than you know."

"I love you too, Jen."

* * *

Jenny groaned as her phone rang and she slowly opened her eyes, glaring at the offending device as she answered it.

"Shepard."

"Jenny, how's Jethro?"

She smiled.

"He's fine, Heather. Released from the hospital a few hours ago."

"Are you okay? You sound kind of funny."

Jenny yawned, looking at the man lying next to her. She knew he wasn't asleep, but he seemed to be attempting it.

"I was sleeping."

"Oh, god. I'm sorry, I can let you go."

Laughing quietly, Jenny stretched slowly, curling her body closer to Gibbs and resting her head on his chest.

"No, it's okay. How are you? How's Tori?"

"Good. We're all good. I have something that I wanted to tell you, though. It's kind of important."

"Oh, and here I thought you were just a concerned sister inquiring after my husband's health," Jenny said sarcastically.

"I am! But, this is really important."

Jenny laughed again, and smiled when she felt Gibbs begin running his fingers through her hair gently.

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant, Jenny! David and I are going to have another baby."

Bolting up from her relaxed position, Jenny's hand flew to her mouth, and she gasped excitedly.

"Really? Heather, that's great! When did you find out?"

"This morning. I'm about eight weeks along. I'm so excited. I just couldn't wait to tell you! I mean, you missed it when I was pregnant with Tori, so you have to be here for this one."

Jenny smiled as she sat beside Gibbs, his hand winding in her hair again.

"Of course. Anything you need, let me know."

"Thanks, Jenny. I'll let you go. Love you!"

"Love you, too."

Jenny hung up the phone and turned to Gibbs, giving him a smile as she met his eyes.

"Heather's pregnant."

"I gathered as much. That's great."

Settling back into his arms again, Jenny began lazily tracing patterns on his chest with her nails. He glanced down at her, kissing her hair gently.

"I heard that slip, by the way."

She frowned.

"What?"

"On the phone. You called me your husband."

Jenny shook her head.

"No, I didn't."

He arched his eyebrow at her.

"Hate to break it to you, Shepard, but you definitely did."

She shrugged, raising up to kiss him gently.

"It's near enough to the truth. Only a few months away."

He nodded, kissing her again.

"Go back to sleep, Jen."

Jenny shook her head, her eyes locking on his seriously.

"I'd rather keep kissing you."

"That has the potential to end badly for us. Not sure I'm up to it."

"Oh, come on. Haven't you ever had a good old-fashioned make-out session, Jethro?"

He smirked.

"Not since high school."

Jenny moved so that she was sitting up next to him and as her lips met his, she smiled.

"Live a little, old man."

He pulled her closer, crashing his mouth onto hers, his tongue fighting hers for dominance as he kissed her.

"Careful who you call old, Jen. I can still take you down."

She laughed, kissing him again.

"Not likely. I'd make you my bitch."

As he kissed her again, tangling his hands in her long red hair, Gibbs found himself thinking that perhaps there was something to be said for make-out sessions after all. Kissing Jenny was quite possibly his favourite pastime, and he never wanted it to end.

* * *

Hugging Heather as she stepped into the room, Jenny gave her a warm smile, and kissed her cheek.

"Have you picked out any names yet?"

"Only a million. I wanted to ask you. Will you and Jethro be god parents for this baby?"

Jenny nodded, not even needing to think.

"Of course. We're already Tori's."

As if on cue, Tori came flying into the room, crashing into Jenny's legs.

"Aunt Jenny! Did you know Mommy's having another baby? I'm going to be a big sister!"

Jenny nodded.

"I did. You'll be like me, then."

Tori frowned.

"You're a big sister?"

"Yeah. I'm a few years older than your mommy."

"How old are you, Aunt Jenny?"

"Thirty-seven. My birthday was a few months ago."

"Wow..." Tori's eyes were wide, "That's so much older than me."

"Victoria Elise! That was extremely rude. Apologise to your Aunt Jenny right now."

Laughing, Jenny shook her head and looked at Heather, whose furious expression made her laugh even harder.

"It's okay, Heather. She didn't mean it the way it sounded."

Heather mumbled something and Jenny frowned.

"What?"

"I said, sometimes she acts just like you."

Jenny shrugged.

"Makes sense. She's got my middle name."

Tori looked at the older redhead seriously, her eyes confused.

"We have the same middle name?"

Jenny nodded, leaning down to be more level with the child.

"Yep. You're like me in more than one way."

"I tried to be," Tori answered seriously.

Now, Jenny frowned, glancing up at her sister.

"What do you mean?"

"When Daddy was sick and I stayed with you, Jethro told me that when I get scared, I should think "Be like Aunt Jenny", because you were braver and more stronger than Princess Leia."

"Did he?"

Making a mental note to ask Gibbs about it later, Jenny tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and straightened up. She'd never been around pregnant women for long periods of time, and had never experienced it herself, so she wasn't quite sure how to act around Heather. She knew her sister's senses would be heightened, her hormone levels would be higher, and that she was likely to be a bit more irrational, so she wanted to tread carefully.

"Heather, I just wanted to stop by and make sure everything was going good. And I wanted to give you this."

Reaching into her purse, Jenny pulled out a small scrapbook and when she handed it to her sister, Heather frowned.

"What's this?"

"It's a scrapbook from when Mom was pregnant with you. I went back to my house after you told me you were pregnant and looked for it. It was in the study. Dad kept it. I thought you might like to have it."

Tears sprang to Heather's eyes and she threw her arms around Jenny, hugging her fiercely.

"This is...this is beautiful, Jenny. Thank you."

Jenny returned the hug warmly, and when she knelt down to hug Tori goodbye, she looked at the little girl seriously.

"You're going to be a great big sister, Tori. And if you ever do get scared, you still have Jack, right?"

Tori nodded, smiling as she remember the stuffed rabbit Gibbs had given her.

"Yeah."

"Well, just remember everything Jethro told you. I'll see you soon, okay?"

Tori kissed her cheek, and Jenny smiled up at Heather. She'd never been so happy that Gibbs had convinced her to reach out to her sister. It was wonderful to have her family together again.

* * *

Jenny distractedly wound her hair around her finger as she sat on the couch in Gibbs' living room, flipping through a book idly. She wasn't really reading it, but she'd needed something to occupy her hands as she'd navigated her thoughts. She couldn't get what Tori had told her out of her mind, and she frowned as she turned another page. Why had he told Tori to think of her when she was scared?

Though she was proud of her accomplishments in her job, Jenny had never considered her skills to be anything special. Yes, she was able to keep a cool head in tense situations, but she would have been lying if she'd said she never felt fear. She had been nearly paralyzed with fear when she'd been kidnapped by Jonathan Harrison, to say nothing of when his brother had nearly killed her, and her actions in the direct aftermath were nothing to be admired.

She sighed when she realised that she was crying, and dropped her head in her hands. She had no idea why she was reacting to this news in a negative way, surely it was something to be proud of, and her fingers longed for a drink, a blade, or a cigarette. Damn it, why did all of her coping mechanisms have to be so self destructive?

Because she thought she deserved the pain. She'd never honestly felt like she was good enough, despite all of her outward confidence, and it was frankly exhausting to pretend otherwise. There was no way she could tell Gibbs about this, though. They'd already had one fight because of her drinking, she wasn't going to risk another one just because her mind decided to make her feel inadequate. She pulled out her phone, and as she dialed, she was suddenly very thankful that Gibbs was in the shower.

"Burley."

"Shepard."

"What's up, Red? Did you work things out with that silver-haired bastard?"

She laughed.

"Yeah. We're fine. Are you busy?"

"Not really. Having a beer. Why?"

"Want company?"

"Sure. Meet me in ten at Point After Lounge?"

"I'll be there."

Scrawling a note for Gibbs, Jenny grabbed her keys and purse, wondering how she was going to explain to Burley that she couldn't drink. _That_ was going to be fun.

* * *

Burley waved Jenny over as she entered the bar, shaking her head when he offered to buy her a beer. He frowned, raising his eyebrows at her and she sighed.

"I don't drink anymore."

"Fair enough. So, what's going on with you, Shepard? You seem kind of upset."

Jenny was silent for a long moment, and when the waiter came to take her drink order, she jumped.

"Water is fine, thank you."

"Damn, Red. You're really serious about not drinking, aren't you?"

She nodded.

"Maybe someday I'll be able to again. Right now, it's not possible."

Burley looked at her seriously, and when he spoke next, his voice was gentle in a way she hadn't expected.

"Jenny...you haven't done anything, have you?"

She didn't even need to ask what he was referring to.

"No," she shook her head, "but I want to. So much. It's pathetic. I'm a grown woman. I should be able to deal with my life by now. I shouldn't be having a fucking mental breakdown every few weeks."

His eyes were sad as he looked at her and he frowned.

"You've been through hell in these past few months, Shepard. Anyone would be a bit shaky right now. You're handling it a hell of a lot better than I would be, that's for damn sure. I can't even imagine how scared you must have been when that bastard raped you. And it happens to women all the time. It's fucking horrible."

She nodded, smiling at the waiter as he set her glass down.

"Thank you," she said to him quietly.

Looking at Burley, she realised just how fortunate she was to have a friend like him. She'd always been closer to him than Decker, and now she knew why. They had a similar sense of humour, and they simply clicked better.

"It is horrible," she agreed, "and it's terrifying to go anywhere alone, especially at night. But it still makes me feel weak and pathetic when I can't make it through the day without breaking down. Gibbs has been a great help, but I don't want him to see this. It's embarrassing."

Burley frowned.

"It's embarrassing to be human, Red? Look, I've known Gibbs for a long time. And I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. That man loves you more than anything in the world. He'd do anything for you. Hell, he's even killed for you. He's never killed anyone for me."

"That's because you don't put out," Jenny deadpanned.

"Not on the first date," he said seriously, "Excuse me, madam, but I am no whore."

Jenny laughed as he took a drink of his beer, and he winked at her.

"Seriously, Jenny...I know you think that you're doing the right thing by trying to deal with all of this on your own, and hell, that's admirable in and of itself, but you don't have to. You've got me, Ducky, Gibbs, even DiNozzo would probably be willing to help you through it if you asked. Keeping all of this inside isn't healthy. I don't want you to do something drastic because you feel like that's your only option."

She smiled sadly.

"But...what if it changes the way he sees me?"

"Not gonna happen. He loves you."

"He told my niece that when she gets scared, she should try to be like me. I know he didn't mean to, but it honestly made me feel worse. I don't deserve that kind of praise."

Burley stared at her as though she'd lost her mind.

"Gibbs doesn't believe in fake compliments. You know that. If he said that, he meant it. You're a badass, Red. Whether you can see that or not."

Jenny smiled, and when she stood, she hugged him gently.

"Thanks, Stan. You have no idea how much you helped me today. I've got to head out, but I'll talk to you soon. Are you okay to get home?"

He smirked.

"Sure. I might be able to convince one of these lovely ladies to give me a ride home once you're not ruining my game."

She laughed, then frowned.

"Why am I ruining it? We're not together. Not like that."

"No, but when women see a man with an attractive woman, they don't make a move."

"I'm not that attractive."

Burley rolled his eyes.

"Shepard, if I hadn't thought Gibbs would've castrated me, I would have asked you out every day when we first met."

"You _did_, Stan," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but once I knew Gibbs wanted you, I knew it would be best to back off. You don't seem to realise how pretty you really are, Jenny. You're gorgeous. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."

She smiled, hugging him again.

"I love you, Burley."

"Don't let Gibbs hear you say that."

"You're like my brother, you idiot."

He smirked, kissing her cheek.

"I know. Love you too, Red. Say hi to your husband for me."

Though she knew he hadn't noticed his mistake, Jenny didn't bother to correct him. She was trying to get used to the idea of referring to Gibbs as her husband, and she needed t become accustomed to hearing it as well.

"I will. Be safe."

He nodded.

"Always am. Call me if you need anything."

Jenny smiled, waving as she left the dark of the bar, and found herself feeling considerably less anxious than she'd been an hour ago. She only hoped the feeling would last long enough to talk to Gibbs.

* * *

Gibbs smiled as he heard the click of her heels on the basement steps, and he nodded at her as she slid onto the stool.

"Have a nice time with Burley?"

She nodded.

"Yeah. He helped me figure a few things out."

He frowned.

"Everything okay?"

Jenny ran her hand through her hair, looking at the ground before answering. He set his sander down and crossed the room, stopping just in front of her.

"Jen?"

"You told Tori to be like me when she gets scared."

He knew she wasn't expecting an answer, so he waited, knowing she would continue soon.

"I know you meant it as a compliment, but it made me feel worse."

"Why?"

"I feel like I don't deserve that. I mean, I shut everyone out, I nearly drank myself to death, I cut into my own skin when I couldn't handle my pain...I'm nothing to be admired, Jethro. I'm just a scared little girl who happens to be a good enough actress that people believe me when I say I'm handling it well."

He took her hand in his, running his thumb over her skin lightly.

"You've faced down arms dealers without flinching. You took two rounds to the thigh and didn't scream. You were raped, tortured, nearly murdered by the same man who raped you, and you survived all of it. You might have been scared...hell, I'm sure you were terrified, but you never let it show. So you had a few moments where the emotions got away from you. Jenny, I've seen people fall apart for a hell of a lot less than the things you've gone through. You are, without a doubt, the strongest person I know, and if that isn't something to be admired, then I don't know what is."

She still refused to look at him and he tilted her chin up, forcing her eyes to his.

"You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to be scared or feel pain. It doesn't make you weak. Your ways of dealing with your emotions and stress might need a little work, but you are so amazing. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. The way everyone does."

Jenny smiled sadly, and he kissed her slowly, his eyes locking on hers as he pulled away.

"I love you."

"You're not mad because I talked to Burley instead of you?"

"Nah. You still told me in the end, anyway. Even if you hadn't, I wouldn't care. If he can help you, I'm fine with it."

She frowned, suddenly remembering something she had been meaning to discuss with him. Her hand slapped the back of his head and he frowned.

"What the hell?"

"I told you to be safe, you idiot! You damn near got yourself killed! You've got to stop putting yourself in situations like that."

"I feel like we've had this conversation before. But the other way around."

"We have. Don't try to change the subject. I'm glad you saved McGee's life, but I can't lose you. Will you at least try to be more careful?"

He nodded.

"For the record, I was terrified when that door blew. I didn't even think. I just grabbed McGee and yanked him back. But I came to a few times in the ambulance, and all I could think about was you. What I would do if I never saw you again. I thought for sure that I was going to die."

Jenny shook her head.

"You're too stubborn to die. Besides, you're not getting out of this wedding that easily. I'll marry you even if you're dead."

Gibbs frowned, looking at her seriously.

"You can do that?"

"Yep. It's been done before."

"You love me that much?"

Suddenly, he was beginning to understand what Ducky had been trying to tell him in the hospital. Jenny nodded, kissing him deeply, her fingers running through his hair.

"I love you more than my own life."

She kissed him again, and as he held her in his arms, he smiled.

"Just promise me one thing," she whispered.

"Hm?"

"Promise me that you won't let Burley or DiNozzo make any kind of speeches at our wedding."

He laughed, bringing his lips to hers again.

"Not a chance in hell."

* * *

**A/N: Things I learned while writing this chapter: 1. I really need a friend like Burley, 2. Gibbs is sexy even when he's mad, 3. I have a lot in common with this Jenny. **


	41. The Art of Stress Relief

**A/N: In which Jenny struggles to cope, Tony comes to our redheaded Director for advice, and Gibbs learns that whistling turns Jenny on. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Jenny swore under her breath as she tried in vain to make the image on the screen come back. She knew, even as she called for McGee, that it was useless, but she had to try. They'd lost communication with DiNozzo and Ziva when they'd failed to meet at a false drop off to obtain information, and she exchanged a worried look with Gibbs as he stood next to her in MTAC.

"I'm sorry, Director Shepard. I can't get them back. We have to wait and hope that they can contact us soon."

"Shit," she whispered.

Gibbs glanced at her and frowned. She'd been more than a little stressed during this entire op, and he was beginning to worry that she was taking things too far. Again.

"I'm sure they're fine. They know what they're doing."

Jenny didn't answer, turning on her heel and walking for the door. McGee looked at him and he stared after her silently.

"Boss?"

"Keep trying, McGee. Let me know as soon as you hear from them."

"Got it."

Gibbs made his way to the door, hoping that he could catch up to Jenny quickly. He headed for her office, and Cynthia stopped him with a shake of her head.

"She's not here. Headed for the parking lot."

Damn.

"Thanks."

He all but ran for the elevator, and as he stood waiting for it, he swore that it had never moved more slowly than it had that day. Finally, he stepped into the lift, and when he walked into the parking lot, he frowned. Her car was still in the lot, and he knew there was no way in hell she had walked home.

"Looking for me?"

He whipped towards her voice, looking at her harshly.

"Jesus Christ, Jen. Don't do that. Nearly gave me a heart attack."

She shrugged, and he took a step closer. He eyed the cigarette held in her hand and frowned at her.

"You don't smoke."

"Don't start."

He shook his head, stopping just in front of her and when he glared at her, she merely raised her eyebrow silently.

"Jenny."

"Leave it alone. This is the first one I've had in eight years."

She took a long drag, slowly exhaling and he frowned as he noticed that her hand was shaking.

"Talk to me. Is it the op? We're gonna find them."

"What if we don't?" she whispered.

"We will."

He reached out quickly, pulling the cigarette from between her fingers and tossed it carelessly over his shoulder. She glared at him, her eyes flashing dangerously, and took a step closer to him.

"What the actual fuck, Jethro? What is wrong with you?"

He raised his eyebrow, slightly amused.

"You've got a pretty foul mouth when you get pissed, Jen. Ever noticed that?"

"You just threw away my cigarette! You're lucky I don't break your goddamned neck!"

"See?" he said, gesturing broadly, "I bet the Colonel is rolling over in his grave to hear you talk like that."

He knew he was walking a fine line, but he needed to get her angry enough that she would tell him what was bothering her so much.

"Shut the hell up, Jethro."

"Again with the swearing. You sure that you weren't in the service?"

She punched his arm and he caught her wrist, pulling her closer.

"Come on, Jen. What is it?"

"I'm not going to lose them, too. I've already lost two agents on this mission. I refuse to lose anyone else. Especially not Tony and Ziva."

He'd never realised just how much she cared for his team, though he supposed it shouldn't have come as a surprise. She'd always developed close relationships with her colleagues. It was part of what made her so good.

"No, you're not. We're going to find them. So calm down. Just take a second and breathe."

Still holding her arm, he pulled her into his arms, looking into her eyes seriously.

"Besides, I can think of a better way to put your mouth to use."

He kissed her gently, and when he stepped back, she gave him a weak smile.

"You're an ass."

He shrugged.

"Made you smile, didn't I? Come on, Director. Let's get back."

Gibbs felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and as he guided Jenny back into the building, he put it to his ear.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Boss, Tony and Ziva just checked in. Our informant is dead, but they got the intel."

"Good. Tell them to get their asses back here before I kill them myself."

He hung up, smiling at the redhead as they stepped into the elevator.

"Told you they'd be fine."

"Never doubted you for a minute."

She rolled her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder, smiling as he ran his fingers over her hair lightly. When the lift doors opened, she instantly straightened up, the epitome of professionalism, and he allowed himself only the briefest of glances as she walked up the stairs in front of him. After all, it wouldn't be good for anyone if he was caught checking out his boss, now would it?

* * *

Heather clapped her hands excitedly as Jenny stepped out of her closet, staring at her in awe.

"That's it. That's the dress, Jenny. It looks stunning on you!"

Jenny frowned, glancing down at the dress slowly.

"You don't think it's too plain?"

The younger sister shook her head seriously.

"No. It's perfect."

Jenny moved in front of her mirror, examining her reflection closely, and touched the fabric of the dress carefully. It was a simple white dress, with capped sleeves and soft lace, hitting at her ankles, a slight beading at the top, and Jenny couldn't believe that she'd found the dress so easily. She'd fallen in love with it immediately, but she worried that it wasn't elegant enough for something as formal as a wedding. She smiled as her sister, but quickly frowned when she noticed the tears falling down her face.

"Heather, what's wrong?"

Heather shook her head, wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Nothing. You look so beautiful, Jenny. I can't believe you're really getting married and I'm going to be there to see it."

Jenny slipped out of the dress, hanging it carefully in her closet, and grabbed a silk bathrobe, tying it around her body as she sat down on her bed next to her sister.

"Why are you crying, though?"

"I can't help it. I'm so happy for you."

Jenny laughed and hugged her gently. After a few moments, Heather sniffed and pulled away, offering her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry. I'm just really emotional right now. You really do look gorgeous. Jethro won't be able to take his eyes off you."

"Thanks. I really wanted your opinion on it. I've never even considered a wedding dress before, so I needed to make sure I didn't mess it up."

Heather shook her head seriously.

"You could wear that bathrobe and Jethro wouldn't care. In fact, he might prefer it."

Jenny burst into laughter and nodded.

"You're probably right."

She was so relieved that she now had one less thing to worry about, but now she was faced with a more pressing issue. She had no idea where they were going to have the wedding, but she really didn't want to make a huge production out of it. They'd narrowed their guest list down to only close family and friends, yet she still wondered if she could convince Gibbs to just have the wedding at his house. After all, it was where they had decided to give their relationship another try, it was where she ran when she needed to sort out the chaos of her life, it was her safe haven. She couldn't think of a better place.

The date was approaching faster than she'd anticipated, and she sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"How are you going to do your makeup?"

"Nothing fancy," Jenny answered, "I've got a pair of earrings that were Grandmother Shepard's, my bouquet is is tied with a blue ribbon, the dress is new, and the shoes are yours. I've got all the bases covered. Have you picked out Tori's dress? I'm buying, but I want it to be your choice."

Heather nodded.

"Yeah. Don't worry about the money, Jenny. David and I can afford it."

Jenny shook her head.

"You've got a baby on the way. You need to save as much as you can."

Knowing better than to argue, Heather simply nodded and smiled. Jenny stood, searching for her clothes and as she finished dressing, she frowned.

"What should I do with my hair? Up or down?"

"Down," Heather said immediately, "Your hair is gorgeous, and you said Jethro has a thing for redheads. Do you have a veil?"

Jenny shook her head.

"Nope. I've got a few ideas for it. I'll show you later."

The older redhead sighed as she made her way back to her bed, dropping face-down on the mattress with a quiet groan.

"There's so much to do," she said, her voice muffled.

Heather laughed.

"Yeah, but I'm going to help in any way I can."

Jenny raised up, giving her sister a grateful smile.

"I really appreciate it."

As they continued to discuss the remaining details of the upcoming wedding, Jenny found herself wondering how she could have ever thought cutting her sister out of her life had been a good idea. Still, the past was best left alone, and she was determined to focus on the present. The past was too painful, and the future too daunting. Yes. Present was best. Present was all she could handle. And she was barely managing that as it was. No need to invite trouble.

* * *

Ducky turned at the sound of the autopsy doors sliding open and set his cup down as he looked at the woman in front of him.

"Jennifer, what a surprise. We don't have a case currently, so to what do I owe this pleasure?"

She smiled.

"I had a question that I wanted to ask you."

He nodded, smiling at her warmly.

"By all means."

"Well...you know Jethro and I are getting married soon, and...well, I was wondering, since my father's dead...would you..."

She trailed off, uncharacteristically nervous, and he reached for her hand, looking into her eyes.

"I would be honoured, Jennifer."

Jenny wrapped her arms around him, and kissed his cheek softly as she pulled back to smile at him.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"It's about time you two decided to stop being idiots about this. Nothing would make me happier than to be a part of it."

* * *

Jenny frowned at the knock on her door, and removed her glasses slowly. She knew that it couldn't be Gibbs, since he always barged in without knocking, but she couldn't think of anyone else who would be at her office this late in the day.

"Come in."

Tony DiNozzo walked slowly into her office, closing the door behind him, and she gave him a small smile.

"Tony. What can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, Director, but I was wondering if I could ask your advice on something."

Jenny nodded, reaching for her cup of coffee and taking a small drink.

"By all means. What's on your mind?"

"Well...see, I've been attracted to this woman for a long time, and I don't quite know how to approach her about it."

Raising her eyebrow, Jenny fought back a laugh.

"I wouldn't think a man like you would have trouble getting dates, Tony."

"Not normally, no. But...with this one, it's different. She's not like the women I usually date. She's strong, independent, more than capable of handling herself in any situation."

"And you came to me because...?"

Tony shrugged.

"It was either you or Gibbs, and well..."

He didn't need to say anything more, and Jenny laughed softly.

"I understand."

"What I mean is...you're a strong woman. A lot like she is, and I wanted to know...what did Gibbs do to convince you to give him a chance?"

Jenny laughed again, shaking her head.

"He didn't. We'd been ignoring our attraction to each other for so long, trying to pretend that it didn't exist, and one day, we realised that we couldn't do it anymore."

She gestured for him to sit and when he did, she leaned forward slightly in her chair.

"I'd been in a pretty bad place for a long time. Shutting everyone in my life out, trying to deny that I needed anyone or anything, and Gibbs was the first person to really notice that. He saw through me like glass, and one night, I was really upset about something. He knew that I was desperate to find some kind of connection with another person, to know that I wasn't alone, that someone actually cared whether I lived or died, and he kissed me. Nothing big or elaborate, just the lightest kiss imaginable, but it was enough. He reminded me that even though I'd worked so hard to pretend that I was fine, that's all it was: pretending. Maybe that's what this woman needs from you. I could be wrong, but she's probably been let down by the people she trusted most in her life, and she's looking for someone that she can rely on. Someone who won't run when they find out that she's not as invincible as she would like everyone else to think. If that isn't something you can give her, you'd do well to walk away now, before anyone gets hurt."

Tony nodded, frowning in concentration, and he met her eyes seriously.

"I don't want to hurt her. I want to help her. To show her that she means more than just a one night stand. It's more than a physical attraction."

Smiling, Jenny took a long drink from her coffee and when she set it back down on the desk, she nodded at him.

"Talk to her. Get to know her as a friend first. Build a solid foundation of trust, honesty and communication. Work your way up from there. Do it slowly, because I'm guessing that this woman doesn't trust people easily."

Tony laughed.

"That's one way of putting it."

He stood, looking at her seriously.

"Thanks, Director. Sorry to take up your time."

"Jenny," she corrected him softly, "and you're welcome. I hope it works out for you."

Just as his hand touched the handle of her door, Jenny smiled, leaning back in her chair.

"Tony?" she called quietly.

He turned, raising his eyebrow.

"Just be yourself. Ziva already trusts you."

Tony frowned.

"How did you know?"

Jenny rolled her eyes, smiling softly.

"I didn't get to be where I am because of my looks, Tony. Have a good night."

"Good night, Jenny."

She was still laughing when Gibbs walked into her office ten minutes later.

* * *

As she stepped under the hot spray of water, Jenny closed her eyes and sighed. She'd been more than a little stressed lately, and the heat relaxed her in a way that was comparable to a large glass of wine. She slowly sat down in the tub, deciding that the shower was a good opportunity for her to actually deal with her emotions, and she pulled her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

It had been so long since she'd actually allowed herself to feel her emotions rather than push them to the back of her mind, and she didn't even try to stop the tears as they fell from her eyes. Her body shook with the weight of her pain, and when she finally raised her head, she found that her vision was cloudy. Something in the air shifted, and she was suddenly alert, sensing that she wasn't alone in the room.

Ignoring the shaking in her hand, Jenny reached out to turn the water off, standing and grabbing the knife she'd brought with her, and she slowly pulled back the curtain. She wrapped a towel around her body, her eyes struggling to see through the thick steam in the room, and she frowned as she stepped out of the tub.

"Jen?"

She turned, her wet hair hitting her in the face, and she gasped.

"God damn it, Jethro! Don't do that! You scared the shit out of me."

He moved closer, and frowned.

"Just wanted to know what you wanted for dinner. I'm ordering Chinese."

Eyeing the knife in her hand, he looked into her eyes seriously.

"You shower with a knife?"

"Rule nine, Jethro," she quipped.

He pulled her to him, examining her body closely, checking for any wounds, and she glared at him.

"I didn't do anything, if that's what you're looking for."

Kissing her cheek gently, he gave her a smile that cut through her annoyance and she visibly relaxed.

"Maybe I just like the view, Jen," he whispered huskily.

He swept her into his arms, kissing her as he carried her into the bedroom, and when he pulled the towel from her body, his hands immediately trailed down her side.

"You're beautiful."

She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him gently.

"We have a problem, Jethro."

He frowned.

"What?"

"You're wearing far too many clothes."

He laughed, and she slid her hands under his shirt, tossing it behind her. His lips trailed down her body, dipping his tongue into her navel, and when he kissed the inside of her thighs, she moaned, her head falling back onto the bed. He touched her slowly, never once entering her, wanting to see how far he could get her without it, and she groaned in frustration.

"Jethro, please."

He gave her a wicked smile, his lips closing around her breast, and he swirled his tongue around her nipple, loving the way her hands gripped his hair. When he was sure that she was ready, he slid into her slowly, and he moaned as her teeth grazed his ear. She flipped them suddenly, her hair brushing over his chest as she kissed him, and as his hips met hers, she gasped.

Hooking his leg around her, he turned them again, his lips crashing against her in a bruising kiss and she moaned into his mouth. His rhythm was fast, and she could feel herself getting closer to the edge, if he would only keep hitting that same spot, and—wait. He'd shifted slightly, hardly noticeable, but it was enough. Jenny groaned in frustration, and she bit down on her lip as she tried to find the edge again.

Gibbs seemed to notice that she was distracted, and he brought his hand between them to touch her, and she jerked beneath him. He matched the speed of his fingers to that of his hips and her teeth scraped across his throat.

"Jen..."

"Keep going," she whispered.

She'd realised by now that nothing he did was going to be enough tonight, but she wasn't going to let that interfere with his pleasure. It didn't take long for him to fall over the edge, and as he moved to the side of the bed, he looked at her seriously.

"You didn't...?"

She shook her head. She wasn't really surprised, seeing as she'd been so stressed that she could hardly stand it, but it was still disappointing. Gibbs frowned, looking at her in confusion.

"That's never happened before."

"Not with you," she agreed.

"Was it me? Did I—"

"No, Jethro," she shook her head, smiling reassuringly, "it wasn't you. I've just been...I kept losing it somehow."

He nodded.

"If you're sure," he said doubtfully.

She laughed.

"Don't worry, your fragile male ego hasn't suffered a hit. I've been really stressed lately, and I couldn't let it go. This one's on me."

Still unsure if he believed her, he sat up, grabbing his scattered clothing, tossing her a look over his shoulder. She was twisting her hair around her finger, and he frowned. She definitely seemed more distracted than usual.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"We can always try again later," she said with a smile.

He nodded. Sounded like a great idea to him.

* * *

When Jenny finally ventured down into the basement an hour later, Gibbs still hadn't made up his mind on whether or not to be offended by Jenny's apparent lack of interest in sex. She walked up to him slowly, noticing that he refused to look at her, and she frowned. Was he seriously _pouting_ right now? Really? Rolling her eyes, she slid onto the stool, and cleared her throat pointedly. He still wouldn't look at her and she sighed.

"Would it make you feel better if I said it happens to every woman sometimes?"

"Never happened to any of my wives before."

Jenny scoffed. There was no way in hell she believed that. He'd been married no less than four times. Still, they must have been better at faking it than she was. Not that she'd really tried.

"Yes, it did."

"You know something I don't?"

Nodding even though he wasn't looking at her, Jenny smiled.

"I've never in my life met a woman that came every single time. Never."

Finally, he turned to glare at her and she met his eyes evenly.

"Why are you so pissed? I'm the one who didn't get the big finish here."

He picked up a mason jar, filling it with bourbon, and she looked at it longingly. He continued to glare at her, and suddenly she understood.

"You egotistical bastard. You're more concerned about your precious pride. Give me a break. It's not the end of the world, Jethro. It happens sometimes. You move on. Get over yourself."

"How could I not be upset?"

She couldn't deny that she herself was pissed off about it, but she'd meant what she said. It hadn't been his fault, not really, and she knew that.

"Jethro," she began softly, reaching out to touch his shoulder, "it isn't your fault."

He shrugged, and she sighed.

"Didn't you say something about Chinese earlier?" she asked suddenly.

"Yeah. Be right back."

As he walked up the stairs to find the number to order their food, Jenny sighed, running her hand through her hair. It hadn't escaped her notice that he'd left the glass of bourbon on the table and she reached out slowly. Her fingers brushed against the surface of the jar, and she shook her head.

"Knock it off, Shepard," she whispered to herself.

Unable to stop herself, Jenny picked up the jar, and tipped it back, draining it in seconds. She shuddered as it burned down her throat and she picked up the bottle, taking great pains to fill the jar with the exact amount Gibbs had left in it. She took another long drink from the bottle, and when she set it back where she'd found it, she prayed he wouldn't notice that the level of liquid had been lowered considerably.

* * *

Swallowing a bite of her food, Jenny tried to ignore the cold atmosphere in the room, and she sighed. She was just about to take another bite when his low voice cut through the quiet, making her jump.

"You okay, Jen?"

She nodded, trying to pretend that she didn't feel the slight tingling in her fingers that signified a drinking buzz.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well...that's the first time you've ever...not come, and if you're that stressed...it must be bad."

She sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"I just...this op with Tony and Ziva, planning the wedding, Heather being pregnant...it's a lot going on."

He nodded, standing up and crossing the room, placing his hands on her shoulders. She leaned into him, tipping her head back, and sighed.

"Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Come on."

He pulled her to her feet, and as he led her to the stairs, she frowned.

"What are you—"

"Helping you relax."

Knowing that fighting him would be useless, Jenny nodded, and as he carried her up to the bedroom, she laid her head on his chest. He kissed her as he set her down gently on the bed and his hand tangled in her hair.

"I drank your bourbon," she said suddenly.

Wait. Why in the hell had she told him that? She hadn't meant to say that.

"What?"

"When you went upstairs earlier. I—I didn't...I shouldn't have—"

He took her hand in his, silencing her words, and she frowned, confused.

"I know."

"You...you _know_?"

Nodding, he looked at her seriously, his eyes the only bright thing in the darkness.

"You don't think I know how much bourbon was in that bottle when I walked away?"

Okay, now she was more than a little confused.

"If you knew, why did you leave it there?"

"You needed it," he said simply, "I knew if I left it there, you would drink it. You've been under so much pressure lately, and you haven't had any way to cope with it. Don't think I didn't hear you crying in the shower. That one drink didn't kill you, and that's all you're going to have. You can learn to drink in moderation again, Jen, but it will take time. If it ever gets out of control again, we'll handle it, but I would rather have you drink every once in awhile than have you cutting and possibly killing yourself."

He brushed her hair back behind her ear, his fingers lingering in the fiery tresses as he pulled her closer. His lips met hers in a gentle kiss, and she smiled as she broke away.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She kissed him again, her tongue finding his quickly, and when she pushed him back onto the bed, he looked at her, slightly amused.

"Me being considerate turns you on?"

She nodded, kissing his throat as she moved to straddle his waist.

"You being considerate, you when you're angry, when you whistle, it's incredibly sexy...just you, Jethro."

She sucked his skin between her teeth and he moaned, gripping her hips tightly. Making quick work of their clothing, Jenny carefully took him in, moving just enough to drive him crazy, and he flipped her onto her back easily, and he kissed her deeply, biting down on her lip hard enough that she moaned in both pain and pleasure. He pinned her beneath him, her hands trying to touch him, and he smirked as he scraped his teeth along her throat.

He released her hands, and when her nails trailed down his torso, he shivered. She ran her hands through his hair, pulling it gently. He kissed her hard, his tongue sweeping over hers while her body arched into his, and she cried out sharply as he touched her. She flipped them again, and as she kissed her way down his chest, her hair spilled over her shoulders like wine. Her hand wrapped around him, causing his hips to jerk upward, and he bit back a moan as she moved it slowly.

She knew exactly how to touch him, bringing him just to the edge and stopping, her hand moving as though she were using a stress ball. In a way, he supposed she was. He smirked at the lame joke, and she moved back up his body, her tongue tracing patterns over his skin as she smiled. He turned them once more, his fingers setting her body on fire as he touched her and her head fell back, eyes closed as her hips arched upwards.

Jenny knew, as he bit down on her carotid artery, what it must feel like to suffocate. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, and he soothed the mark with his tongue, fighting a grin as she whispered his name breathlessly. He rolled his hips against hers, and she moaned, her voice breaking on his name. God, nothing could compare to her voice.

His touch had turned carefully rough, lighting her skin up, and as she kissed him again, he knew she was fighting the urge to scream. Her kiss was hard, all teeth and tongue, and when he rolled her nipple between his fingers, she tore her lips away from his, crying out wordlessly. He moved his hand down her body, brushing over the sensitive skin of her clit, and her grip in his hair tightened.

Even if she had tried, Jenny didn't think she could scream now. The sensations flooding her body were better than anything she could have ever imagined in her wildest fantasies, and she bit down on her lip hard enough that the coppery taste of blood filled her mouth. He ran his tongue along the shell of her ear and she shivered. She was close now, and he bit down on her throat again, swirling his tongue over the spot gently.

"Jen...let go. Come on."

He brought his lips to hers, sweeping his tongue over hers deeply, and she moaned.

"Don't fight it," he whispered, low in her ear, "Just let go."

The next thrust of his hips sent her spiraling over the edge, and she felt her eyes roll back in her head as her body shook beneath him.

"Jesus fucking _Christ_, Jethro..."

He whispered her name, burying his face in her shoulder as he came, and after she had finally stopped shaking, he rested his forehead against hers.

"Jen..."

She ran her trembling hand through his damp hair, and kissed him weakly.

"I love you."

Gibbs smiled, brushing her hair back from her face, and he kissed her nose gently.

"I love you, too."

He looked at her as he turned onto his side and pulled her into his arms.

"Better this time?"

She nodded.

"You definitely outdid yourself, gunny."

He kissed her hair and she moved impossibly closer to him, her hair spilling onto his chest like a waterfall.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Hm?"

"Whistling?"

She frowned, raising up to meet his eyes, confused.

"What?"

"You said when I whistled it was sexy."

Jenny nodded.

"It is. I can't really explain it, but it is."

She yawned, settling back down in his arms and as she fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his fingers in her hair, she decided that if this was the remedy, she would be stressed every day.

* * *

Gibbs smiled as he walked into the squad room, feeling the eyes of his team following him as he sat down behind his desk.

"You're in a good mood, boss. Did you win the lottery or something?"

Taking a long drink of his coffee, Gibbs shook his head.

"Nope. Gave the Director your official resignation so that you aren't my problem anymore."

DiNozzo gaped at him, hardly able to believe that Leroy Jethro Gibbs was actually _joking_ with him. In truth, Gibbs had been in a better mood ever since he had fallen asleep with Jenny in his arms the night before, and he picked up the second cup of coffee sitting at his desk.

"Be right back."

DiNozzo glanced over at McGee and the younger agent shrugged.

"Maybe he lost his memory again."

* * *

Throwing open the door to Jenny's office, he flashed her a smile as he set the cup of coffee on her desk. She held up her hand, signaling to the phone at her ear, and he nodded, sitting down behind her desk. She frowned at him, raising her eyebrow as he sat in her chair, and when he propped his feet up on her desk, she flipped him off.

"I hate to cut this short, but I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?"

She hung up, glaring at him, and he simply smiled back at her.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Brought you coffee."

Jenny shook her head, nodding in his direction.

"I meant why are you sitting behind my desk?"

Gibbs shrugged, smiling at her again.

"To annoy you."

She walked around the desk, glaring at him as he sat in the chair as if he owned it, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Get up."

"Nah. This is a nice chair. I can see why you wanted this job."

Jenny rolled her eyes.

"I didn't take this job for the _chair_, you idiot. Now get your ass out of it before I sit on you."

He raised an eyebrow at her, removing his feet from the desk.

"Not much of a threat, Jen."

She sat down on his lap, purposefully resting her full weight on his lap, and he smirked.

"You're not as heavy as you think you are."

Relaxing her body more completely, Jenny laughed as he shifted under her and he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine, you win."

He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the side of her neck gently.

"To be fair, we could make this a permanent work arrangement."

"Nice try, Jethro."

The knock at the door was quickly followed by its opening, too fast for Jenny to move from her position on his lap as she'd kissed him, and when McGee stuck his head around the corner, his eyes were wider than she'd ever seen.

"Oh, um...sorry. Boss, we got a call. Dead body at Quantico."

Gibbs glared at him and Jenny fought the laughter building up at his shocked expression.

"That's what phone calls are for, McGee."

"Sorry, boss. Director."

"I'll be right down."

"Yes, sir."

As soon as the door closed behind the stunned agent, Jenny burst into laughter, resting her head on Gibbs' shoulder.

"Go easy on him, Jethro. I think he's been scarred for life."

He smirked, and she stood slowly, kissing him gently. Remembering her own phone call from earlier, Jenny smiled as she reached for it again.

"Who are you calling?"

"My secret lover," she deadpanned.

"Jenny."

"I'm calling Heather back," she said with a laugh, "They found out that she's having a girl and she wants to go over names."

He nodded, kissing her cheek as he walked to the door. She sat down in her chair, crossing her legs gracefully, and as he opened the silver door, she called his name softly.

"Thanks for keeping my chair warm."

"Anytime, Madam Director."

She flipped him off again, laughing as he closed her door, and she was still laughing when her sister answered the phone a few seconds later. One of these days, she was going to keelhaul that man.

* * *

**A/N: Poor McGee. Things I learned while writing this chapter: 1. Gibbs whistling is incredibly sexy to me. No idea why. Just is. 2. Mark Harmon and Lauren Holly are both sexy as hell, and 3. It probably isn't normal for a 28-year-old woman to be attracted to both a man and woman old enough to be her parents.**


	42. Through the Flames

**A/N: Here we are again, in the continuing ballad of Jethro and Jenny. In which Tori asks an awkward question, Jenny and Gibbs have a little risky fun, and Agent Fredericks nearly gets stabbed. Hope you like it!**

* * *

She was anxious. To make matters worse, she didn't have the slightest idea what she was anxious about. Her day had passed without any ops failing, her meetings had all gone smoothly, Gibbs hadn't pissed anyone off (a miracle in and of itself), and she'd even managed to secure more money for Abby's lab...so her current emotional state made absolutely no sense. As she sat behind her desk, she gripped the top so tightly that her knuckles were white, and tried to keep her breathing under control.

The knock at her door barely registered through the fog of her brain, and it took her longer than she would ever admit to look up.

"Come in."

Tony opened the door, a smile on his face as he carried the files to her desk, and as he sat them down in front of her, he noticed that she didn't return his smile.

"Director?"

Jenny saw his lips moving, heard the concern in his voice, but she couldn't bring herself to answer him. What in the hell was going on with her?

* * *

When Tony DiNozzo walked into Director Shepard's office, he only had one thing on his mind. He'd offered to take their reports to her as an excuse to thank her for the advice she'd given him earlier in the week. It had worked perfectly, and he was more grateful to her than he'd ever been. He couldn't believe how lucky he'd been that Ziva had agreed to go on a date with him the following weekend, and he hadn't been able to stop smiling since.

As he approached her desk, he noticed that she seemed distracted, and gave her a smile. She didn't seem to be paying attention, and he frowned as he looked at her.

"Director?"

She stayed silent, but even from where he stood, he could see her body trembling. He leaned closer, just enough that he could see her eyes, and knelt down to be level with her.

"Director Shepard?"

She shook her head slowly, and finally her eyes met his.

"What can I do?" he asked gently.

For a moment, he thought she would answer him, but she blinked slowly, her eyes staying closed longer than she'd thought possible. He reached out to touch her hand, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer than she'd ever heard it.

"Jenny?"

"Get Gibbs," she whispered finally.

He nodded, pulling out his phone. His first instinct had been to run for the older agent, but there was no way he was going to leave her this way. He just hoped Gibbs was still at his desk. They didn't have time to spare.

* * *

Rolling his eyes as his phone rang, Gibbs put it to his ear, tipping his chair back lazily.

"You get lost, DiNozzo? It's the only office with a usually angry redhead."

"Boss, you need to get up here now."

Gibbs frowned, sitting up slightly.

"Why?"

"Something's wrong with Jenny."

Not even bothering to correct him for using her name, Gibbs snapped his phone shut, bolting for the stairs. He took them two at a time, throwing her door open in record time, and when he approached the younger agent, Tony leaned in closely.

"I'm not sure what to do, boss. I've never seen her like this."

Gibbs stepped past him, walking around to the opposite side of her desk, and spun her chair around slowly. He knelt down in front of her, pointedly ignoring the agent still in the room, and took her hand in his.

"Hey," he said gently, "can you hear me?"

She nodded slowly, and he gave her a small smile.

"Good. I want you to listen to me. Take a deep breath, really slowly, and then I want you to count to ten. Okay?"

When she didn't answer, he tapped his finger on her knee lightly.

"Stay with me."

Finally, she nodded, and he smiled again. At his count, she took a slow breath, and he began counting slowly. Before he had even made it to five, her breath hitched in her throat and she closed her eyes, her head falling forward as she gasped. Gibbs turned to Tony, who had been standing on the other side of her desk and nodded to the door.

"Bring me some water."

"On it, boss."

As soon as Tony had left the room, Gibbs tilted Jenny's chin upward, forcing her to look at him.

"It's okay, Jen. You can do this."

She took a deep breath, and as he counted to ten once more, he could feel her body shaking as she exhaled. Tony walked towards them slowly, not wanting to make the situation worse, and held out the paper cup carefully.

"Here, boss."

Gibbs took it from him, holding it close enough that she could reach for it if she wanted, and nodded.

"One more time, Jenny. You've got this."

Her breath caught and she shook her head.

"I can't," she gasped.

"Yes, you can. Take it slow."

He glanced at Tony, and jerked his head towards the door.

"Don't let anyone near her office until this is taken care of."

The younger agent nodded, stepping outside and closing the door behind him. Not only had Gibbs wanted the room cleared, he knew Tony would actually do as he was told. They couldn't risk someone barging in while Jenny was in such a fragile state. He turned his attention back to the redhead in front of him, and he cupped her face gently with his hand.

"Jen? You can do this."

She shook her head, wide eyes locking on his.

"I can't, Jethro, I—"

"Shh...Jen. I'm right here. I've got you."

Taking another deep breath, she finally made it to the count of ten, and as she exhaled slowly, he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head softly, smoothing his hand over the fiery tresses, and she took another shaky breath.

"Talk me through it, Jen. What's going through your mind?"

She drew back, looking at him with glassy eyes, and he brushed her hair behind her ear, gently kissing her cheek. He waited for her to speak, and she sighed.

"I don't know," she admitted, "I just...everything was so loud, even the ticking of my watch was so loud I couldn't stand it. Everything seemed to move really fast and slow at the same time...I can't explain it. I just...I couldn't focus, couldn't think, I could hardly breathe. When Tony came in, I could hear his voice, but the words didn't register. I couldn't comprehend it. It was...I felt so overwhelmed, and..."

She broke off, her voice breaking quietly, and he held her closer.

"Shh. It's over. Everything's okay now."

"I feel so stupid," she whispered.

"Nah," he said with an encouraging smile, "Only way you could ever be stupid is if you had a brain transplant."

Jenny laughed breathlessly, and he straightened up, holding out his hand. She took it, and he pulled her into his arms.

"You're safe, Jen. I'm not letting anything happen to you."

"I guess I should see what Tony wanted..." Jenny sighed, deliberately changing the subject.

He nodded.

"Yeah, or we could let him stand out there all night."

"Shut up, Jethro."

* * *

As she walked towards her car, Jenny frowned at the sudden feeling of unease. She couldn't afford to have another breakdown, not here, and it was only when she reached into her purse for her knife that she felt calmer. She could sense that she wasn't alone in the lot, and as she noticed the figure standing behind her car, she bit back a scream. Gibbs had already gone home for the night, and she couldn't think of anyone else who would be standing near her vehicle. Her knife was gripped tightly in her hand, and just as she was about to make a move, a quiet voice cut through her panic.

"Director Shepard?"

Her eyes finally adjusted enough for her to recognise the man before her and she swore softly.

"Damn it, Kenny. I'm putting a bell on you."

"Sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to startle you."

She waved his apology away.

"It's not your fault."

"Are you ready to leave?"

Nodding, Jenny slid into the back seat and as he drove the short distance to Gibbs' house, Jenny wondered what in the hell was causing her to be so nervous and paranoid.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he picked up his sander, turning it over in his hands. The boat was nearly finished, there was no need for him to sand the wood, but holding the small object helped him think better. He'd called Ducky to ask him about Jenny's panic attack, and he'd been pondering the doctor's words ever since. He'd explained that Jenny had likely experienced sensory overload, and he'd been trying to figure out the best way to help her through it, though he had no idea what had caused it.

Her footsteps on the stairs made him turn, and he glanced at his watch. It was late, nearing midnight, and he offered her a smile as she walked slowly closer.

"How was the rest of your night?"

"I nearly stabbed Kenny Fredericks."

He frowned, staring at her as he tried to determine whether or not she was serious. She certainly seemed to be, and she slid onto the stool carefully, eyeing the bourbon next to his hand.

"Any particular reason?"

"He was waiting for me at my car to drive me home."

"Thought that's what drivers did."

Jenny glared at him, and sighed.

"It is. I couldn't tell who he was at first. It scared me. I know there's no possible way it could have been, but I thought it was Harrison."

"Jen—"

"I know. I know he's dead. I know it's completely ridiculous. It's been almost a year. Why am I still such a mess?"

He shook his head, looking at her seriously.

"You're not. You're experiencing PTSD. People in combat deal with it all the time, and—"

"I wasn't in a war zone, Jethro," she snapped.

"I know. But you were subjected to a severely traumatic event, and it's not uncommon for rape victims to go through it. I'd be more concerned if you _weren't_ behaving this way."

Whatever fight she had been building towards suddenly left her, and she nodded silently, placing her head in her hand.

"I just...I keep trying to find a part of myself that he didn't touch. In one way or another, his fingerprints are all over my life. It's driving me crazy. I can't stand feeling like this. It hits me at the most random moments, and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to control it."

Gibbs nodded, picking up the mason jar and taking a slow drink.

"I know, Jen. But let me ask you something. You know the part of you that holds our relationship so tightly? The part of you that loves so fiercely that you would die for it?"

She nodded, and he smiled.

"He can't touch that. Ever. He can never get to that place in your mind or in your heart. That's what matters most to you, and he's not going to taint that."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and when she rested her head on his chest, he kissed the top of her head gently.

"Don't let that bastard win, Jen. You're so much stronger than he ever was."

As his lips met hers, Jenny found herself beginning to believe him.

* * *

September was drawing to a close, and Jenny gave her niece a tired smile as she listened to her talk excitedly about her new baby sister. Heather was nearly five months pregnant now, and she'd asked her sister to watch Tori while she'd gone to see her doctor. The little girl had talked of nothing else, and as Gibbs searched for something to entertain her with, Jenny had become trapped by her endless chatter.

"Daddy wants to name her Vera, but Mommy wants to name her Lana."

"Which one do you like?"

"I wanted to name her Leia," Tori pouted, "but Mommy and Daddy said no."

Jenny laughed.

"You want to name every girl Leia. She's your favourite."

Tori nodded, her hair bouncing in its ponytail.

"I guess if I had to pick one of those names, I would pick Lana. It's easy to spell," she said seriously.

The older redhead reached for her coffee, just as Gibbs walked back into the room and Tori looked between them curiously.

"Are you going to have a baby, Aunt Jenny?"

Jenny shook her head.

"No. You're enough of a handful for me," she replied, smiling as she reached out to tickle the little girl.

Tori laughed, jumping away from her, and she looked at Gibbs seriously.

"How did the baby get into Mommy's stomach?"

Jenny choked on her coffee, nearly dropping it, and set it down on the table in front of her. She glanced up at Gibbs and he simply shrugged.

"Why don't you ask your mommy..." Jenny answered weakly.

"I did," Tori said petulantly, "but she told me to ask again when I was older."

"Well, I think you should listen to her," Gibbs said, looking at her sternly.

Tori sighed dramatically, throwing herself onto her back.

"Fine."

"Tori, why don't you go play in the back yard. I need to talk to Jethro for a minute."

Bouncing up from her position on the couch, Tori raced to the back door, and as soon as it had closed behind her, Jenny rounded on Gibbs.

"You weren't really much help there."

He held up his hands.

"Come on, Jenny. She's a kid. They're curious."

"Well, what did you tell Kelly when she asked about it?"

Shrugging, he leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"I didn't. Told her to ask Shannon. No idea what Shannon told her."

Jenny glared at him, causing him to laugh, and she moaned quietly, putting her head in her hands.

"Why do they have to ask so many questions?"

"That's how you learn. Didn't they teach you that in school?"

"Nope. Must have stopped doing it by the time I got there," she said sarcastically.

He frowned.

"You calling me old again, Jen?"

"Maybe. What are you going to do about it?"

Pulling her towards him, his mouth found hers instantly, his tongue dancing over hers and she moaned, her fingers finding his waist.

"Hush," he whispered, "Unless you want Tori to hear you."

She nodded, but as soon as his hand went to her jeans, she broke away, her eyes wide.

"Are you insane? She could walk in and see us."

"Well, then she'd have her answer," he quipped.

"I'm serious, Jethro. We can't—"

He kissed her again, effectively shutting her up, and as his right hand wound into her hair, his left trailed down her side. Undoing the button on her jeans, he deftly slid his hand past the lace of her underwear and as he touched her, Jenny bit down on her lips to keep herself from making any noise. Her hips jerked against him, and he trailed his lips along the base of her throat.

Speeding up his movements, he slid his fingers into her, his voice low in her ear.

"Still want me to stop, Jen?"

She shook her head, letting it fall back on the couch as he crooked his fingers, and she gasped as he moved faster. The added danger of possibly being caught had brought her to the edge in record time, and her hips ground into his hand rapidly. Her hand reached for his, grabbing the one he'd previously had in her hair, and as she gripped his fingers, he kissed her again.

"Jethro," she whispered, her eyes slipping closed, "Don't stop."

"Wasn't planning on it."

He knew that she would have to be quiet, but he also knew how bad Jenny was at pacing herself. Just in time, he clamped his hand over her mouth, feeling her moan against his skin as she came, and he smiled at her as he brought her down slowly.

"I can't believe that just happened," she murmured, her head resting on his shoulder.

He kissed her bowed head lightly.

"Who's old now, Jen?"

"Still you," she laughed.

Pulling away from her carefully, he smiled at her as she fastened the button on her jeans, and he held out his hand. She took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet, and when he steered her towards the back yard, she frowned.

"Where are we going?"

"Got to go make sure Tori hasn't set the yard on fire."

She looked at him, confused.

"How would she have done that?"

"Never underestimate kids, Jenny," he said simply.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as Jenny tossed and turned next to him as she slept, and he glanced at his phone to check the time. They'd only gone to bed two hours earlier, and it seemed as though Jenny's sleep was anything but peaceful. He never knew if she was better off left sleeping, forcing her to struggle with the demons that plagued her nightmares, or if he should wake her to hopefully give her even the smallest semblance of peace.

She whimpered quietly, turning away from him and he sighed as he watched her. She'd never slept well, in all the years he'd known her, consistently haunted by her dreams, and it had always saddened him. He knew all too well how it felt to be tormented by nightmares, and he hated that she suffered so much. She turned again, her breathing becoming more ragged, and he looked at her with growing concern as she moaned softly.

Deciding it would be best to "accidentally" wake her, he turned over on his side, rougher than he would have normally done, and he made sure to nudge her with his arm. She jerked awake, green eyes scanning the room frantically, and he shifted so that he could see her.

"Jen?"

She met his eyes, still slightly disoriented, and blinked rapidly. He immediately regretted waking her, regardless of the fact that he had done it from a place of concern, and she reached for his hand slowly as she took a shaking breath.

"You want to talk about it?"

Her head shook, and he noticed that her free hand was gripping the sheet so tightly that he was sure it was painful. She finally released it, pushing her hair back from her face with a sigh, and he squeezed her other hand gently. Settling back onto the bed, she turned slightly, burying her face in her pillow. He didn't like seeing her this way, and he couldn't help but feel that this was a significant step backward in her healing process.

Rather than speaking, he ran his thumb lightly over the back of her hand, and she took another shaking breath.

"I feel so damn weak," she whispered finally.

He glanced over at her, and frowned at the tears shining in her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"It was about Harrison. Shawn Harrison," she clarified.

Nodding, he waited, not wanting to pressure her.

"It was the same as the night it happened, but instead of strangling me, he held his hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming. I kept trying to get away, but I couldn't."

Gibbs wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer, and when she laid her head on his chest, he kissed her hair. He straightened the sheets around them, knowing how she always needed something covering her to sleep, and he raked his fingers through her hair soothingly.

"It's over now, Jen. He's dead. He can never hurt you again."

She shook her head and he felt a tear drop onto his shirt. As he turned her words over in his mind, he realised with a jolt that he had likely contributed to her nightmares that night. He felt horrible, and he shifted slightly, just enough that he could look down at her.

"I'm sorry."

She frowned, but didn't move.

"What?"

"Earlier today, in the living room, when we...I covered your mouth so Tori wouldn't hear. I shouldn't have done that."

Now, she did move, raising up to look at him incredulously.

"It isn't your fault, Jethro. This is just my mind's way of reminding me how messed up I am. It wasn't that."

He wasn't convinced, but nodded nonetheless. She smiled sadly when he kissed her gently, and laid back down. Her hair fell over his chest like flames, and he tightened his hold on her.

"Try to get some sleep, Jen."

She nodded, but there was still a sheen of fear in her eyes that he didn't like. He looked at her seriously, and frowned.

"What is it?"

"Could you...would you turn on the light? It's too dark in here."

Without hesitating, he reached for the lamp on the bedside table, and as the light flooded the room, she visibly relaxed. She smiled in thanks, and he kissed her again before she turned onto her side. He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back against him, and he kissed the base of her throat lightly.

"Hey, Jen...don't feel too bad. Lots of people are afraid of the dark. Little kids—"

"Shut up, Jethro."

He laughed, and she smiled as she closed her eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Though he would never tell her, seeing Jenny struggle was beginning to take its toll on him. He constantly worried about her, wondering if she was ever going to be able to move on from that cold night in October, and he sighed as he watched her sleep. It was late in the afternoon, and while he hadn't really been surprised that she'd been exhausted from the previous night, he had been when she'd told him that she was going to lie down while he worked. She so rarely tried to sleep during the day, and he knew that everything was starting to catch up with her as well.

Kissing her cheek softly, he walked back to his boat, carefully examining it for anything that needed a last minute repair. It was finished now, and he had to admit that it felt somewhat bittersweet to look at the finished product. He was planning on moving it in a few days, and he had already decided to do it while Jenny was out of the house. After all, he couldn't risk her discovering the magician's secret of how he got the boat out of his basement.

He ran his hand over the smooth wood, the texture giving him a sense of quiet peace, and he smiled to himself. Kelly would have loved this boat, and he wished fervently that she were still here to see it. Sometimes, he missed her and Shannon so much that he thought it would kill him, but then he remembered the woman sleeping not twenty feet away from him. She made every moment of his life more bearable, even when he wanted to strangle her for being so damn infuriating, and he couldn't imagine his life without her again.

A sudden movement caused him to turn, and he frowned when he noticed Jenny had woken. She was sitting up now, her knees to her chest and her head resting on them heavily. He walked around the boat, keeping his distance, and looked at her carefully. She was shaking, but he couldn't tell whether or not she was actually crying.

"Jenny?"

She sighed, raising her head to look at him, and he frowned at the paleness of her skin.

"Every damn time," she whispered.

He didn't need to ask what she meant, but he nodded his encouragement anyway. She brushed her hair away from her face, and slammed her hand down onto the couch angrily.

"Is it too much to ask for a bit of uninterrupted sleep? I'm not asking for anything unreasonable. I just want to be able to sleep without being terrified."

He leaned against the boat, not wanting to move too fast, and she whipped her head around to glare at him.

"What does it feel like to sleep for longer than two hours at a time? Please tell me. I really want to know."

Knowing that she wasn't seriously asking him to answer, he simply shrugged. He didn't quite know what to say, wasn't sure how to help her, and so he stayed silent.

"This..." she said quietly, gesturing broadly, "this is why."

"Why what?"

"Back in November. When I took all those pills and nearly killed myself. You asked me why I'd done it. Here's your answer. All of this. Jumping at shadows, showering with a knife, not sleeping, having nightmares when I do sleep."

All of her previous anger seemed to have left her as quickly as it had come, and she glanced up at him.

"I can't live like this, Jethro," she whispered, "I can't...I can't do it anymore."

He crossed the room, kneeling in front of her, and placed his hand on her knee gently.

"Don't say that, Jen. You can get through this."

She shook her head, emerald eyes locking onto cobalt blue.

"I'm so fucking tired."

Her voice broke softly, and he nodded, reaching for her hand.

"I know. Believe me, I know. I've been trying to find a way to help you, because it's been killing me to watch you suffer like this."

Again, her head shook, her hair falling around her face in a flaming curtain.

"I know," she murmured, "and I hate that. You're getting caught up in the crossfire of my messed up life, and I hate myself for it. Don't think I haven't noticed that you finished the boat. You've spent so much time down here trying to sort everything out, and you think best when you're working on your boat. And I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. Like you're trying to solve some case, some big mystery. I hate what this has done to me, and I hate myself even more for putting you through it, too."

He reached out, sweeping her hair back so he could look into her eyes, and he shook his head.

"It isn't your fault. I told you that the night that it happened. I don't blame you for it, or anything that has happened since. You shouldn't, either."

"I can't do this anymore," she repeated, "I just want it all to stop. Even being dead has to be better than this."

He gripped her hand tightly, shaking his head.

"No," he said firmly, "It wouldn't be."

"I've been such a burden to everyone. You, Ducky, Heather, hell...even Tony and Burley. I don't want to keep subjecting you all to my bullshit."

"You being dead would hurt them so much more than anything you're going through. And it would destroy me, Jen. I don't know how to fix this yet, but I know that your death isn't the answer."

She didn't respond, and he stared up at her, his eyes almost pleading.

"I know that you feel lost. I know you're scared, and exhausted. But we can get through this together."

His eyes searched hers desperately, the hollow look in them scaring him more than he would ever admit, and he ran his fingers gently over her skin.

"I love you. More than anything in the entire universe, and I would do anything if it could make it all stop."

"I know," she whispered.

He kissed her softly, and when she didn't return it, he knew that this was more serious than he'd previously thought. She stood up slowly, bending down to kiss him once, and when she moved past him, he frowned.

"Jen?"

"I'm going to lay down upstairs. The bed is a bit more comfortable than that couch."

"I'll be right there."

She shook her head.

"Don't. I'd rather be alone right now."

Though his every instinct was screaming at him to follow her, he nodded, walking over to the table. She walked up the stairs, and as he listened to her footsteps above his head, he pulled out his phone. He needed help on this one, and as it rang, he prayed the doctor wasn't busy.

"Hello?"

Thank God.

"Ducky, I need to talk to you. It's important."

"Certainly, Jethro. What's on your mind?"

"You talked to Jenny in her office the day that she tried to kill herself."

"Yes, I remember."

He sighed.

"What did she say?"

"Well, as I told you, she was in a very dark place. The attack had only happened a month prior, and she was experiencing extreme PTSD. She said that she felt as though she were inconveniencing everyone in her life and that they would be better off without her. She was quite upset, and understandably so. Why do you ask?"

As he relayed his conversation to the older man, Gibbs tried to ignore the feeling that was telling him to disregard Jenny's wishes and go upstairs. He knew all too well how she reacted when he hovered too closely, even out of concern, and he didn't want her to feel trapped. She was already feeling that way to an extent, and he would hate himself for making it worse.

"Where is she now?"

"Upstairs. Said she wanted to lie down. Bed's more comfortable."

"And you believed her? Jethro, does Jennifer know where you keep your SIG?"

"Yeah, but it's in the basement with me."

"What about hers?"

Shit. He'd forgotten that Jenny still carried a firearm. He hung up the phone, bolting for the steps as fast as he could.

* * *

Glaring at her hands as they shook, Jenny turned the weapon over slowly, running her fingers over the smooth metal. She wondered at the bullets contained in the small device, amazed that something so tiny could cause such destruction. That it had the power to end lives. After all, she'd seen it happen often enough. She'd even been the cause of some of those deaths.

She knew, as she looked down the barrel curiously, that it would be so simple to do. Click off the safety, hold it to her head, and pull the trigger. Her pain would be over. But still...even as she thought about it, there was something in her that made her hesitate. What Ducky had told her almost a year ago echoed in her mind, and she frowned.

What about all the memories she'd made with Gibbs, with Heather, with Tori? Would she keep them in death? Was there even anything after? What about her upcoming wedding? Did she really want to let that go, along with the life that came with it? She'd spent so many years of her life regretting leaving him, did she really want to do it on such a permanent level? After all, there was no coming back from this. And what about the memories she hadn't made yet? Was she really prepared to give all of that up?

She sighed as she placed the weapon back in the bedside drawer and curled onto her side. Maybe what Gibbs had said to her in the basement was true. Maybe they could get through this together.

"Jen?"

She turned at the sound of his voice, and he let out a sigh of relief.

"Where's your gun?"

Wordlessly, she gestured to the table, and he opened the drawer, pulling it out slowly. It was still warm from being held in her hands, and he frowned as it sat in his palm.

"You've held this recently."

She nodded, and he looked at her seriously.

"Jen...please. Don't."

He sat down next to her and she raised up, curling her feet under her. Tilting her head up, he met her eyes, and she looked away, unable to handle the emotions she saw.

"I almost did," she said finally, so quiet he almost didn't hear.

Setting the gun on the ground, Gibbs touched her cheek gently, noticing how cold her skin had become.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered, "You've come so far, and you're so strong. You're the bravest person I know, and you're going to get through this."

She fell forward into his arms, her head resting on his shoulder, and as he wrapped his arms around her, he noticed how thin she was. He knew she was prone to "forgetting" to eat, often going days without it, but this was beginning to worry him.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

"Don't apologise. You've done nothing wrong."

"I love you."

He smiled, kissing her hair.

"I know."

She raised up, her eyes meeting his slowly, and she offered him a weak smile.

"I'm going to be pretty much insufferable until I manage to get some sleep," she informed him bluntly.

He nodded seriously.

"I'm well aware of how you are when you're running on pure caffeine."

She smacked his arm lightly, and he kissed her cheek gently.

"I'm also going to hold the way you've treated me today over your head the next time you try to pretend that you don't love me."

"Wouldn't expect anything less."

* * *

When Jenny opened her eyes, her first instinct was to glance at the clock. It had been dark when she'd fallen asleep, and the bright sunlight that was streaming through the room strongly suggested that it was now morning. She was unable to remember the exact time she'd lain down, but by her count, she'd been asleep for nearly ten hours, and she frowned. Something wasn't quite right here.

Swinging her feet over the side of the bed, Jenny quietly walked down the steps, intent on finding her fiance, and when she discovered him in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee, she frowned.

"Morning, Jen."

"What day is it?" she asked slowly.

"Tuesday."

"And why aren't you at work?"

He shrugged.

"Took a personal day."

"Uh-huh," she answered carefully, "and is there any particular reason why _my_ alarm neglected to sound this morning?"

"Turned it off."

"Why?"

"You were sleeping," he said, as if it were obvious.

He walked closer to her, passing her a cup of coffee, and as he sat down at the table, she noticed a bottle on the counter behind him.

"What are those?"

She looked pointedly at the bottle and he shrugged again.

"Jethro, what did you do?"

"Slipped a few sleeping pills into your tea last night."

Staring at him as though he'd lost his mind, Jenny set her cup down, and he waited.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs...you drugged me?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"And what were you hoping to achieve by doing that?"

He nodded at her, taking a drink of his coffee.

"You slept. For more than two hours. And you _stayed_ asleep."

It was such a caring gesture that she didn't even have the will to be angry. In truth, she felt more at ease than she had in weeks, and though she would never admit it, she'd needed the sleep like air.

"Fair enough."

He looked at her as she took a long drink from her coffee and smiled. She looked better than she had in a long time; her skin had regained most of its colour, her eyes were brighter, and she seemed more relaxed than he'd known her to be in almost a year.

"Don't get used to taking days off. Tomorrow, we're back at work."

"Live a little, Jen," he smirked, not really meaning it.

"Jethro, you have two choices here: either return to work or watch me lose my mind and kill you."

"Point taken."

He leaned across the table, kissing her softly, and when she pulled away, she gave him a smile that, for the first time in days, actually met her eyes.

"Thank you."

Cup of coffee now abandoned, he stood and walked to her, pulling her to her feet. As he leaned down to kiss her again, he brushed her hair behind her ear.

"I told you: I'd do anything to make it stop."

"One night of sleep won't fix this, Jethro," she reminded him.

He nodded.

"I know. But it's a start. And we've got the rest of our lives."

She pulled him down to her, and kissed him, her tongue dancing lightly over his. He was right. They had the rest of their lives, and she was going to make sure that she spent hers with him.

* * *

**A/N: You didn't really think I was going to kill Jenny, did you? We're getting very close to the wedding, which I have decided that I'm going to write after all. Let me know what you think!**


	43. The Wonder of You

**A/N: Here we are again! In which Jenny and Gibbs spend a quiet night at home, and fluffy fluff abounds before the even fluffier Jibbs wedding. No, this isn't the wedding chapter, though. Soon, I promise! Enjoy!**

* * *

Jenny's legs were burning as she ran, but she knew if she stopped, she would lose the suspect she'd been chasing for the past ten minutes. She wasn't sure how she had allowed herself to be talked into going after him when she could have simply waited in the car, but that wasn't really the point. The man ducked into an old house that, if looks were any indication, had been abandoned for years, and she swore under her breath as she realised she would have to follow.

Gibbs was right behind her, his voice low in her ear as he spoke, and she turned to look at him as she tried to catch her breath.

"Wait out here."

She shook her head.

"No way. I came this far, I'm not sitting out here."

"Jen, this house is falling apart. You could get hurt."

He tried to step through the broken front door, and frowned when she grabbed his arm.

"You're not going in there alone. Tony's not here yet, and you need backup."

"No."

"Gibbs, I'm your boss. I outrank you. I'm going."

She pushed past him, and when he caught her by the arm, she glared.

"I can't lose you."

Shaking her head, Jenny met his eyes seriously.

"You won't. We're wasting time arguing about this. Let's go."

Sensing that she wasn't going to back down, he finally nodded, and they carefully walked into the house. Jenny frowned at the creaking above her head and pointed to the stairs. Silently, they made their way up the steps, and Jenny realised with horror that they were indeed rotting under their feet. How in the world was this place still standing? Why hadn't it been torn down?

As they moved around the second floor, Gibbs nodded his head in the direction of a small room off to their right.

"Hoffs, we know you're in there. Come out now, and this will all be over," Gibbs called through the door.

There was no answer, and the former marine kicked the door open. He had taken no more than two steps into the room when Hoffs' fist connected with his face, and he pushed past Gibbs forcefully, running down the hall. Jenny bolted after him, knowing that a simple hit hadn't incapacitated Gibbs, and she pulled her weapon from its holster. She could hear Gibbs behind her, but paid him no attention. Just as her hand touched the sleeve of Hoffs' jacket, he turned, shoving her backward into the railing of the staircase.

She knew, as soon as her body connected with the weak structure, that it was going to break, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. Gibbs reached for her hand, his fingers brushing against hers, but he wasn't able to hold her. The wood splintered, and she fell backward with a scream, her eyes closed as her heart pounded in her chest. Her body landed on the floor below with a loud crash, and she moaned weakly. Every breath was a struggle, pain ripping through her chest, and she closed her eyes again. Maybe next time, she would stay in the car after all.

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he pulled himself up after being punched by Hoffs, and shook his head. Jenny had taken off after him, and as he followed the sound of their footsteps, he tried to ignore the pain just under his right eye. Jenny was so close to grabbing him, and when Hoffs suddenly turned and grabbed her by the shoulders, Gibbs felt his blood run cold. He ran towards her as fast as he could, reaching for her hand as she was thrown into the railing. He would have sworn that their fingers touched, but it wasn't enough.

Hoffs made a mad dash for the door, and as Jenny crashed onto the floor, Gibbs ran down the steps as carefully as he could. Completely forgetting that their suspect had fled the scene, he knelt down next to the redhead on the ground, willing her to open her eyes.

"Jen! Jen, can you hear me?"

Slowly, her eyes opened, and she moaned quietly.

"Who put the ground there?" she muttered sarcastically.

He carefully raised her to a sitting position and she winced as pain shot through her entire body.

"Do you think you can stand?"

She nodded, and he pulled her to her feet, checking for any open wounds. There was a small cut just above her eyebrow, and a bit of blood underneath her nose, but she seemed otherwise unharmed. No doubt there would be major bruising and pain within the next few hours, and he looked at her seriously.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said weakly, "You?"

"Fine."

She took a step forward, and when she stumbled, he grabbed her by the arm. Still a bit disoriented, she closed her eyes tightly, and took a slow breath. Sharp pain shot through her as she inhaled, and he frowned, his eyes roaming over her body seriously.

"We need to get you checked out."

She shook her head.

"It was just a fall. Where's Hoffs?"

Gibbs jerked his head to the door.

"Ran out."

Walking slowly to the entrance, Jenny frowned as she stepped through the broken door, and called over her shoulder softly.

"Jethro?"

He could detect the hint of amusement in her voice, and he frowned as he walked up behind her. Looking past her, he laughed quietly when he realised what she had seen. Furiously trying to dislodge his leg from the broken wood of the porch was Hoffs, and he swore loudly as Gibbs placed the handcuffs around his wrists.

"Guess it's a good thing this place was so decrepit," Jenny gasped.

Gibbs frowned at the quality of her voice, but said nothing. He pulled out his phone, glaring when DiNozzo finally answered and yanked Hoffs up by his shirt.

"DiNozzo, where the hell are you?"

As she listened to him berate his Senior Field Agent, Jenny walked slowly to the car, leaning against it, trying to find a way to breathe that didn't send stabbing pains throughout her body. Yep. Next time, she was _definitely_ staying in the car.

* * *

"Jen, I really wish you would let Ducky take a look at you."

Jenny glanced up from her book, smiling as she took the cup of tea he handed her.

"Thanks."

He nodded, kissing her cheek, and he sat down next to her on the couch, wrapping his arm around her. She took a drink of her tea, placing her book down on the table in front of her, and shook her head.

"I'm fine, Jethro. Just sore."

Her hands were shaking slightly and he reached for her, taking the cup from her thin fingers.

"Will you eat something?"

"I'm not hungry."

He shook his head.

"You're too thin, Jenny. I know you've been under a lot of pressure lately, but you have to eat. Please."

Jenny sighed, knowing he was right, but not wanting to admit it. Finally, she nodded, and he kissed her hand gently.

"Thank you."

Sometimes, she really hated when he said "please". He knew as well as she did that she could never refuse him when he did.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"I hate you."

He smirked.

"No, you don't."

* * *

Gibbs frowned as he walked back down the stairs, wondering where in the world Jenny had gone. He hadn't seen her since they'd eaten, and he'd thought that perhaps she had decided to lie down and sleep. A quick search of the house had turned up nothing, and he opened the front door, scanning the yard. Her car was still there, as was his truck, and he ran his hand through his hair as he walked into the kitchen.

On a hunch, he opened the back door, and when his eyes landed on her familiar figure, he smiled. She was sitting in a chair on the back porch, her feet tucked under her, cradling a cup of tea in her hands. She'd been drinking hot tea more frequently as of late, and he wondered if perhaps that was her way of coping without alcohol.

He said nothing, opting instead to simply watch her, and he was momentarily stricken by how beautiful she looked. The soft white cardigan she wore, combined with her long red hair falling in loose waves, gave her an almost angelic appearance, and as she tucked a strand behind her ear, he made his move to the porch.

"Jen?"

She turned, giving him a soft smile, and he looked down at her curiously.

"What are you doing out here?"

She shrugged.

"It's a nice night," she said simply, "I thought I would just enjoy it."

He knelt in front of her, his bright blue eyes locking on her green ones.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Jenny reached out, touching his face gently.

"I'm fine, Jethro," she reassured him.

He looked at her somewhat skeptically, as though he wasn't sure if he believed her, and she took a slow drink of her tea. She met his eyes calmly, and he reached out to touch a bruise that had formed near her collarbone.

"How badly does it hurt?"

She sighed, shaking her head slowly.

"It doesn't really, unless I move too much or breathe too deeply."

He frowned.

"You're having trouble breathing?"

"Only if it's too deep. It's not that bad."

He shook his head, running his hand through her hair gently.

"Jenny, please. Let Ducky examine you. It would make me feel better."

"Tomorrow," she promised, giving him a smile as she kissed him.

Accepting that this was the only answer he would get on the subject, he decided that it would be for the best to let the matter drop. He straightened up, kissing her cheek softly, and smiled down at her.

"I'll let you have your time alone."

She shook her head, reaching for his hand.

"Will you stay out here with me? Just for a little while?"

He nodded, stepping back into the house and grabbing a chair and sitting next to her silently. The sun was beginning to set, and he found himself mesmerized by the way it set her hair ablaze. She was staring off vacantly, lost in her thoughts, and he gently took her free hand in his, running his fingers over her skin.

She glanced at him, smiling at the contact, and when he kissed her fingers, he smiled at the softness in her eyes. It wasn't often that Jenny let her guard down or allowed herself to be vulnerable, and he couldn't help but feel proud that it was him she had trusted enough to show her more gentle side. He very nearly told her that he loved her, but he didn't want to break the tranquility of the moment, settling instead for kissing her hand again.

As they sat in the fading light, Jenny found herself focusing on the warmth of his skin on hers as his thumb moved over their entwined fingers. She didn't need words to know what he wanted to say, and she smiled as she drained the last of her tea from the cup. Quiet moments like this were hard to come by, especially in their line of work, and she wished that they could stay this way forever. They didn't move until the sun had completely set, and when he stood, he held out his hand, lifting her from her chair.

"Do you know how stunning you are?"

She shook her head slowly, her eyes downcast.

"Not right now, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're always beautiful, whether you're drunk, upset, sleeping, even when you're screaming at me. You could be sitting absolutely still, doing nothing, and I would have trouble keeping my hands off you."

"That's just because you're a man and all men think about is sex and food," she remarked bluntly.

"You're not wrong," he agreed with a laugh, "but I meant what I said. You're beyond gorgeous, Jen."

She smiled up at him, resting her head on his chest.

"Do you know how attractive _you_ are?" she asked quietly.

He laughed.

"Jen, no one thinks men my age are attractive."

She pulled back, looking at him as though he'd gone insane.

"Haven't you ever heard of the term "silver fox", Jethro? There's a reason Abby uses it to describe you. You have the most incredible eyes I've ever seen, and when you smile...game over. You're so gorgeous that sometimes it hurts to keep from touching you. Watching you work on your boat...it's just about the sexiest thing I've seen. You already know how I feel about the whistling, and I don't mean just whistling to do it. When you do it to get someone's attention, it's really sexy."

"You really know how to stroke a man's ego, Jen," he said with a smile.

"That's not all I can stroke, gunny."

He glanced down at her and she pulled him closer, bringing her mouth to his in a bruising kiss. Her fingers wound into his hair, and when they finally broke apart, he smiled down at her.

"Maybe we should go inside."

She laughed, and nodded, picking up her empty cup.

"Yeah, but I don't think I can manage anything tonight."

"I don't want to risk hurting you, anyway. Ducky and Heather would kill me if I did."

Nodding again, she opened the back door, walking slowly into the house. She took a breath, closing her eyes against the sharp pain that shot through her, and when she leaned onto the table, Gibbs frowned as he set his chair down.

"Jenny?"

She didn't answer, and he was by her side in an instant, his eyes searching her face worriedly.

"Jen?"

"I'm okay," she said, her voice pained, "Just give me a minute."

She straightened up slowly, and he wrapped his arm around her waist. Leaning against him heavily, she allowed him to lead her into the living room, not saying a word as he helped her sit down.

"You're definitely seeing Ducky tomorrow."

She nodded, falling over into his lap, and when his fingers raked through her hair, she smiled.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

He frowned, looking down at her in confusion.

"What for?"

"All my life, I've pushed people away. Run from any situation that I didn't think I could handle. Shut everyone out and dealt with things in my own messed up way. And they let me. They eventually gave up on trying to force me to let them in, and walked away. I do understand, and I don't blame them in the slightest. They needed to think of their own lives and move on."

He waited, knowing that she hadn't finished, and kept running his fingers through her silky hair.

"You never did that. You believed in me when no one else did. You didn't let me run. You made me face the things I was afraid of. You pulled me out of the darkness when everyone else just left me there. You...you saw me. I can never repay you for that or thank you enough. I owe so much of who I am to you."

Glancing down at her, he nodded, contemplating her words and choosing his own carefully.

"Jen...you may not realise it, but you already have. You call me out on my faults, you're always there when I need someone to turn to, and you don't ever judge me for the choices I make. You might not always agree with them, but you've never once judged me for making them. I can't say the same about myself on that one, and I'm sorry about that. You make me want to be the best version of myself that I can be. You showed me that it's okay to let go of the past and learn from it. You changed my life for the better and made me realise that I could love again, even when I didn't think it was possible."

She raised up carefully, still unsure of her body's limitations, and brought her hand up to rest on his cheek gently.

"I love you so much," she whispered.

"Not nearly as much as I love you."

She shook her head.

"I respectfully disagree with that statement."

"Tough shit, Jen."

She laughed, running her fingers through his hair lightly, and kissed him gently. He deepened the kiss slightly, not enough to cause either of them to get carried away, and when he finally pulled away from her, she was smiling.

"I have a request."

"Anything," he answered seriously.

"Hold me," she said quietly.

He raised his eyebrow, silently asking her what she thought he was currently doing, and she smiled as she clarified.

"For the rest of the night."

Nodding, he kissed her again, and she returned to her previous position in his lap. One of his arms was wrapped protectively around her body and he ran his other hand through her hair. They didn't speak for the rest of the evening, but they didn't need to. Everything they needed to say was done without words.

* * *

Ducky frowned as he listened to Jenny's breathing and when she complied with his request to breathe deeper, her wince of pain didn't escape his trained eye. His hands touched her ribs gently and when she flinched, he sighed.

"Jennifer, I do believe you've broken a rib or two."

Gibbs frowned.

"I tried to tell her that she was being stubborn."

"I'm going to bandage this tightly, and if you two even _think_ of engaging in any physical activities, I will strangle you both."

Jenny laughed quietly, and shook her head.

"You don't always have to threaten us, Ducky."

He looked at her as though she were stupid and she sighed, nodding in defeat.

"Okay, maybe you do."

She winced a few more times as he wrapped the bandages around her rib cage and when he had finished, he glared at her sternly.

"I mean it, Jennifer."

"You know, we do have other interests besides sex, Duck. That's not the only thing we do together."

"Yeah," Jenny added, exchanging a look with Gibbs knowingly, "We have a lot of other hobbies."

"Building boats—"

"Reading—"

"Chess," Gibbs supplied helpfully.

"Planning world domination—"

"Overthrowing the government—"

"Oh, shut up," Ducky snapped, glaring at them as they both laughed, "One of these days, I'm going to refuse to help you and then you'll regret your sarcasm."

"You'd never do that to me, Ducky," Jenny purred, leaning her head on his shoulder dramatically, "You love me."

"Besides, I don't think Jenny can speak without being sarcastic...you might be asking for too much, Duck."

Jenny smacked him and he shrugged.

"It's true," he muttered.

Ducky sighed, shaking his head as he packed up his medical bag, and when he leaned down to kiss Jenny on the cheek, she gave him a smile.

"We'll behave, Ducky. I promise."

"See that you do. I'll check on you in a few days."

Gibbs walked him to the door, clapping him on the shoulder as they stood in the bright light of the day.

"Seriously, Duck. Thanks. When she couldn't breathe, I was starting to worry."

"Anytime. Have a good day, Jethro. I've got to head home and bathe Mother's corgis."

"Good luck with that."

He laughed, and when Gibbs closed the door behind him, he flashed the redhead a smile.

"What do you say, Jen? Should we start that world domination plan?"

She nodded.

"Definitely."

* * *

When Gibbs walked through the sliding doors of Abby's lab, he frowned as he watched her do a cartwheel and land triumphantly on her feet.

"Never would have thought you were the cheerleader type, Abs."

"Gibbs! I'm not. Grammy taught me that. What can I do for you?"

"Need a favour."

She nodded, looking at him expectantly.

"I need you to keep something safe for me until the wedding. I don't want her to find it laying around the house."

He handed her an envelope, and she examined it curiously, the redhead's name written on the outside.

"Is it a copy of your will?"

He glared at her and she laughed.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! What is it?"

"A letter. I want to give it to her as a wedding present."

Abby was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet and he frowned.

"What?"

"Gibbs, can I read it? I won't tell anyone what's in it, but...please?"

Considering her carefully, he finally nodded. He knew he could trust Abby, and she was quite possibly more invested in his relationship with Jenny than anyone else he knew. She hugged him and opened the envelope, her eyes flitting back and forth over the page as she read.

_Jen,_

_ I know I'm not as good with words as you are, but I'm going to give this a try. You once asked me why I loved you, and I think now is as good a time as any to tell you. You are, simply put, the most amazing woman I've known since Shannon. I love your honesty, your blunt sarcasm, your courage, and your intelligence. But more than any of that, I love your strength. You've been through so much, especially in the past year, and you never gave up. You may have felt like things were hopeless, but you always kept going. _

_ You told me that you could never thank me for everything I'd done for you, and I'm not asking you to. You give me so much to be thankful for every single day, and I'll never stop trying to show you how much you mean to me. You gave me hope when I couldn't find it on my own, you gave me a reason to keep going even when I didn't see the point, and you always see the good in everyone, even someone as damaged as me. _

_ I love the way you fidget with your hands when you're nervous, the way you ramble when you drink, the way your hands always find my waist when we kiss. I love every part of you, even the softer side that you try to pretend doesn't exist, and even your darkness. You never stop surprising me, you're the one person I can be completely at ease with, and I am so proud of everything you've accomplished. We've come a long way from where we were when we first met, and I couldn't think of anyone else that I would want to spend the rest of my life with._

_ I love the way you call me out when I'm wrong, and the way you never stop fighting for what you believe in. You're so beautiful, in more ways than one, and your heart is the biggest part of that. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and every day, it gets better._

_ I love you, Jen. More than you will ever know._

_ All my love,_

_ Jethro_

Abby threw her arms around him as she finished the letter, and he was surprised to find tears shining in her eyes.

"Gibbs, that was beautiful! She's going to love it!"

"Not too much?"

"No way," Abby shook her head, pigtails swinging, "It's perfect."

She folded it and carefully placed it back in the envelope, hiding it securely in a drawer, and he kissed her cheek lightly.

"Thanks, Abs."

"You're such a closet romantic, Gibbs."

He glared at her as he walked away, and Abby smiled to herself as she thought about the letter. It was so sweet, and she was beyond happy that the silver fox and the fearless leader had finally found the happiness they both deserved in each other.

* * *

Jenny moaned and laid her head down on her desk tiredly, wishing with everything she had that the blinding pain in her head would ease up. She'd been fighting this migraine all day, and it had gotten to the point of distorting her vision and making her nauseous. Wincing as her door opened, she kept her head down and eyes closed, not even looking up when she felt him standing in front of her desk.

"You look like you're getting a lot of work done," he said dryly.

"Shut up," she snapped, her voice slightly muffled.

He looked down at her, frowning, and after a few moments, she raised her head up, glaring at him.

"Do you need something?"

Her voice was harsh, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"Got some reports for you," he said, holding them up for her to see.

"Put them on my desk then."

He did as he was told, his eyes never leaving her.

"What's wrong?"

"You won't stop talking," she bit back.

"What the hell, Jenny?"

She sighed, rubbing her temple wearily, and shook her head slowly.

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I have a terrible migraine, and it's making me sick. Literally. I've probably thrown up my actual stomach at this point."

His annoyance at her snarky attitude disappeared immediately and he nodded.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head again, moaning at the movement and she let her head fall onto her desk once more. He watched her for a minute and then he smiled as an idea came to him.

"Hey, Jen," he said, his voice deliberately soft, "come here."

She moaned, raising up to look at him with pure exhaustion, and sighed.

"What?"

He walked over to her couch and sat down, waiting for her to do as he'd asked. When she finally stood up, her vision was filled with black spots and she had to grab the edge of her desk to keep from falling. She carefully made her way over to him and sat down, frowning when he pulled her down so that her head was in his lap.

"If you're expecting a blow job, call a hooker," she muttered.

"No, now hush."

He pulled her hair loose from the ponytail it was in, and he gently began massaging her head, steadily increasing the pressure every few minutes. She moaned, part pain and relief, and he smiled. Her eyes stayed closed, and he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Have I told you how much I love your hands?" she murmured softly.

He smirked.

"A few times, yeah."

"Well, it bears repeating."

As the pain began to lessen slightly, she sat up, giving him a look that he couldn't quite identify.

"I'm sorry for being bitchy."

He shrugged.

"Kinda used to it by now, Jen."

"And here I thought you were with me for my winning personality."

Shaking his head, he kissed her gently.

"Nope. Just your looks."

"It's a good thing you look so good in jeans, because that makes two of us."

He smiled, glad to hear her sarcasm. She'd been uncharacteristically subdued the past few days due to the pain in her healing ribs and now her head, but her sharp remarks meant that she was on the road to being her usual smart ass self.

"If it gets too bad, go home, Jen. Don't overdo it."

She nodded, but he knew that she would force herself to keep working regardless.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, "You didn't have to do that."

He shrugged, kissing her as he stood up.

"True, but if I hadn't, I'd have been stuck with a bitchy redhead all night, and who needs that?"

She laughed, and gave him a gentle shove towards the door.

"Go away. I have work to do, and I'm sure you do as well."

"See you in a few hours, Director."

Nodding, Jenny stood and walked back to her desk, picking up her glasses slowly.

"Good afternoon, Agent Gibbs."

She swore she could hear his quiet laughter as he walked out of her office.

* * *

Heather Lloyd knocked quietly on Gibbs' door, carefully balancing the supplies she carried on her hip as she waited for an answer. When it swung open, she was surprised to see the man himself rather than her sister, and she smiled at him.

"Hi, Jethro."

"Heather."

He immediately took the box from her, glaring at her as he gestured for her to follow him inside.

"You shouldn't be carrying that," he admonished her gently.

"It isn't that heavy."

"You're pregnant," he said simply, "What is this, anyway?"

"The last few things we needed for the wedding. Candle holders, and Tori's flower basket."

He nodded, still unsure as to why he had allowed Jenny to convince him to have the wedding at his house, but he set the box carefully on the kitchen table with a sigh. She'd made a very persuasive argument, and in the end, he hadn't been able to refuse her.

"Are you excited?" Heather asked.

"I've been trying to marry your sister for the past eight years, Heather. Not my fault she's so stubborn."

"Yeah, she gets that from the Colonel."

Her remark reminded him of something he'd been meaning to ask, and he frowned.

"Is your mother coming?"

Heather shook her head.

"I don't think she even knows about it. Jenny and Mom aren't that close anymore. Not that they ever really were, Jenny was always a Daddy's girl, but...it got worse after he died. To be honest, even I don't talk to our mother. She got remarried a few years ago, and I haven't heard from her since, except the occasional Christmas card."

Gibbs nodded, and Heather smiled.

"Anyway, I just wanted to drop this off. Give my love to Jenny, wherever she is, and I'll see you both at the wedding."

"Drive safely," he called out as she left.

"Will do!"

He smiled to himself as he rummaged through the supplies she had brought, and sighed contentedly. He could hardly believe that his wedding was so close, and that finally, after all the years of waiting, Jenny would be his wife.

* * *

Jenny sighed in relief as Ducky cut the last of the bandages from her skin, touching the area gently.

"Any pain?"

She took a deep breath, and shook her head slowly.

"No."

He gave her a smile, but frowned when he noticed that she was twisting her hands together in her lap.

"Is something wrong?"

She smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"I'm just nervous. The wedding is so soon, what if I mess something up? What if I trip walking down the aisle?"

"Well, then we'd both be on the ground," he pointed out, "Besides, with the way you walk in heels, you should have no trouble."

"Right. Or, what if I mess up my vows?"

He took her hand in his, patting it gently.

"Don't worry, my dear. You're going to do just fine. Even if you did mess up for some reason, you know Jethro wouldn't even notice. He's going to be so focused on remembering how to speak when he sees you that he won't think of anything else."

She smiled, touched by his reassurances, and hugged him gently.

"Thank you for being there with us, Ducky."

"It's my pleasure. I can't wait to see you both so happy."

Though she was still slightly nervous and worried that she would somehow mess up the ceremony, Jenny couldn't deny that she was also incredibly excited. She'd been lucky enough to have been given this second chance at their relationship, and she'd be damned if she was going to let a few pre-wedding nerves stand in the way of getting to spend the rest of her life with her best friend. As cliched as it was, she knew that nothing had ever been more true.

* * *

**A/N: I think my favourite part of this is the night Gibbs and Jenny spend on the couch. Tapping into the softer side of their relationship was a nice change, and it shows that they aren't always the invincible people they pretend to be.**


	44. Transcendence

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

Surprisingly, Jenny's hands were steady as she finished applying her makeup and examined her reflection in the mirror. She fastened her earrings carefully, and next came the necklace that Gibbs had given her in Paris all those years ago while undercover. It was warm against her skin and she smiled as she turned her attention to her hair. It fell in loose waves, half up, half down hitting just below her shoulders, and she began the tedious process of threading flowers through the silken strands.

A quiet knock at the door caused her to turn, and she smiled as Heather stuck her head around the corner, waving her in. The younger redhead gasped at the white roses wound into her sister's fiery tresses and hugged her gently.

"Wow. What gave you that idea?"

Jenny shrugged.

"Less of a hassle than a veil."

She glanced around the room, frowning when she noticed Heather was alone.

"Where's Tori?"

"With David," she answered, "He's trying to explain that she has to be quiet during the ceremony."

Jenny laughed. It was no secret that her niece loved to talk, and she shook her head in amusement. She looked at her sister, glowing in her pregnancy, and smiled at her warmly.

"You look beautiful."

Heather scoffed.

"Please. No one is going to be looking at me today. You're...god, you're stunning, Jenny."

Smiling, Jenny finished threading the last of the roses into her hair and she stood, slipping into the shoes that Heather had allowed her to borrow for the occasion. There was another knock at the door, and David slowly opened it, leading his daughter into the room carefully.

"Tori, stay here with your mother until we need you."

He looked at Jenny, crossing the room to hug her gently, and he kissed her cheek.

"You look great. Tori, listen to your mother."

He left the room, leaving Tori to stare at her aunt, her eyes wider than Jenny had ever seen them.

"What's wrong, Tori?"

"You look like a queen, Aunt Jenny."

Jenny laughed, thinking of all the times Gibbs had mockingly referred to her as such, and bent down to hug her, careful of both their dresses.

"Thank you, sweetie. Are you nervous?"

She shook her head, looking at Jenny seriously.

"No. I don't have to say anything to anyone, do I?"

"Nope. You just spread the flowers over the back yard. Simple."

Tori looked relieved and when David returned to collect her, Jenny suddenly found her hands shaking. She reached for her bouquet of orchids, hardly able to grasp them, and Heather hugged her as she walked past.

"Just relax. You're doing fine."

Passing Ducky as he entered the room, Heather gave her one final smile of encouragement before disappearing down the hallway, and the doctor smiled as he hugged her.

"You are a vision, my dear Jennifer."

"I'm so nervous, Ducky," she said quietly, her voice shaking slightly.

He kissed her cheek and looped her hand through his arm.

"You'll be fine."

Leading her to the door, he paused just before opening it, and brought his lips close to her ear.

"Your father would be overjoyed to see you now. He'd be so proud."

Something in her memory stirred, and Jenny frowned, looking around her curiously.

"You know," she said quietly, "somehow, I feel like he's here, Ducky."

"Naturally. You don't think death would prevent him from seeing his daughter on her wedding day, do you?"

She laughed softly, and he pulled the door open, carefully descending the stairs. From where she stood, Jenny could see Tori as she walked down the makeshift aisle in the back yard, methodically throwing flowers as she walked, and she silently prayed that none of the candles lighting the path would catch them on fire. The little girl finished her task, pausing to hug Gibbs as she walked past and Ducky laughed quietly.

At the signal from Heather, standing near the back door, Ducky kissed Jenny on the cheek and nodded towards the yard.

"Are you ready?"

As nervous as she was, Jenny found herself nodding. Finally, after years of running, years of denial, it was time.

* * *

Every head turned to look at her as she walked slowly down the aisle, fighting every instinct she had to run to him, and she smiled as she met the eyes of a certain bubbly Goth who was bouncing in her seat. Gibbs knew that she was nervous about potentially messing up, but she seemed calmer than he would have thought. She looked absolutely radiant, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from hers as she walked closer.

"Who gives this woman?"

"I do," came the soft reply.

Ducky placed her hand in his, kissing her one last time before stepping aside, and as the preacher began speaking, the doctor wiped a tear from his eyes.

"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of two hearts in holy matrimony..."

Though she could hear the words being spoken, they hardly registered in Jenny's mind. Her eyes were locked on those of the man standing next to her, and it was only by a pure stroke of luck that she managed to look away just in time for the vow recital.

"I, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, take you, Jennifer Elise Shepard, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To honour and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part."

Jenny took a shaking breath, looking into his eyes, and the emotions she saw in the blue irises gave her the strength to speak calmly.

"I, Jennifer Elise Shepard, take you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To honour and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part. No matter how annoying you are," she added quietly.

She heard the laughter of Tobias Fornell and Gibbs smirked at her, his eyes bright with amusement. Her eyes met his, and she smiled softly, not even really listening to the rest of the ceremony. When they were given permission to kiss, Gibbs automatically reached for her waist, pulling her close to him, and her own hands wound into his hair. His lips met hers and Jenny was dimly aware of the loud whistle that could have only come from Tony DiNozzo, and she smiled as he finally broke away.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

As they walked back down the aisle together, Jenny smiled as Tori waved at her excitedly from her place next to Heather, and she paused, kneeling down to hand the little girl her bouquet.

"I want you to have this," she said softly.

"Really?"

Jenny nodded, and straightened, allowing Gibbs to lead her the rest of the way back into the house. As soon as the door shut behind them, he kissed her again, much deeper than he had at the altar, and she moaned softly. When she looked up at him, she placed her hand on his cheek gently, and smiled.

"You're stuck with me now, Jethro. I don't believe in divorce."

He laughed.

"Wouldn't want it any other way."

Running his fingers lightly over the ring on her finger, he smiled as he stared into her eyes seriously.

"Never would have thought I'd convince you to wear this."

She glanced down at their entwined hands, touching his ring gently.

"It was inevitable, really."

He nodded to the door, and she sighed.

"We should probably get back."

Opening it slowly, Jenny was unprepared for the loud applause that greeted them as they walked back into the yard, and she smiled as she felt Gibbs wrap his arm around her from behind. Abby ran to her, throwing her arms around the redhead, and when she launched herself at Gibbs next, Jenny laughed.

"Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! Now you really are Mommy and Daddy!"

Gibbs laughed quietly.

"Thanks, Abs."

Cynthia was next, unsure if she should hug either of them, and she offered them a bright smile.

"Congratulations, Director Shepard. I mean—Director Gibbs."

Jenny laughed, reaching out to hug her gently.

"Cynthia, call me Jenny. Please."

The young woman nodded, and she held out her hand to Gibbs, smiling as he laughed.

"Congratulations, Agent Gibbs."

They made their rounds, accepting the well wishes of their guests, and as McGee hooked up the music system, Jenny found herself staring around the yard in amazement. She hadn't really taken the time to look at it during the ceremony, and she couldn't believe how gorgeous it was. Candles lined the aisle, littered with Tori's flowers, and the arch that Ziva had given them was draped in white lace, accented by still more candles. A few leaves had fallen onto the ground, providing a pleasing autumn aesthetic, and Jenny smiled as Ducky walked up to her.

"You did beautifully, Jennifer."

Music filled the air, and Gibbs smiled at her as he appeared by her side. He looked flawless in his suit, the blue of his tie accenting his eyes, and she smiled when he took her hand.

"May I have this dance, Mrs. Gibbs?"

She nodded, letting him pull her close and as she realised what song was playing, she frowned, looking up at him.

"Bryan Adams? Really?"

He shrugged.

"I like this song."

Jenny laughed softly, resting her head against his chest, and she could feel his heartbeat against her skin. The song began to pick up, and Jenny was acutely aware of the eyes of their guests watching their every move. He leaned down, his voice low in her ear, and she shivered,

"What do you say, Jen? Should we show them how it's done?"

She frowned.

"I haven't danced like that in years," she reminded him.

"Like riding a bike."

She nodded slowly, and as the guitar solo filled the air, he spun her away from him, smiling when she twirled back into his arms. He lifted her off her feet as they turned, and Jenny nearly laughed at the shocked expression on Tony's face. Her leg wrapped around his as he dipped her low to the ground, and he spun her away again. She landed back in his arms just as the song ended, and he kissed her, his hand protectively at the small of her back.

They stepped apart and as the next song began, Tony walked up to them, a smile on his face.

"Wow. Who knew you could dance like that, boss?"

Gibbs smirked and Tony looked at him somewhat nervously.

"Mind if I dance with her?"

Shrugging, Gibbs nodded in Jenny's direction.

"Ask her, not me."

"I just...I didn't want to overstep."

As Tony wrapped his arms around Jenny, Gibbs found himself looking into the eyes of Stan Burley, smiling as he tipped back a beer.

"Congratulations, Gibbs. You guys deserve to be happy."

Looking at him seriously, Gibbs jerked his head to the side, and Burley followed him as he walked a short distance away from the group.

"Jenny told me that you talked her out of cutting the day I was in the hospital."

Burley nodded.

"Just wanted to thank you. You're a good friend to her."

"Couldn't let anything happen to her. I love her. She's like my sister."

Jenny slowly approached them, her eyes lighting up when she saw Burley, and she threw her arms around him in a fierce hug.

"You made it!"

He kissed her cheek, nodding.

"Of course I did, Red. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Smiling, Jenny led him to their makeshift dance floor, really just an area of the yard not occupied by tables and chairs, and he put his arm around her waist carefully. Abby bounded up to Gibbs, her smile brighter than the setting sun, and she tugged on his hand insistently.

"Come on, _El Jefe_. Dance with me."

He smiled and allowed the Goth to pull him to the center of the lawn, and she smiled as they swayed with the music.

"I have that letter in my purse," she whispered.

Right. He'd almost forgotten it. He nodded, and kissed her cheek warmly.

"Thanks, Abs. I owe you one."

"Just bring me CAF-POWs every day for a month, and we'll call it even."

He laughed, and she smiled at him excitedly.

"Gibbs, look."

He followed her gaze, frowning when he noticed Tony and Ziva dancing together, their eyes only for one another. He'd seen that look in Jenny's eyes many times, and he sighed.

"Rule twelve exists for a reason," he muttered.

"Yeah, and you just married that reason. I'd say you obliterated your own rule, Gibbs," the younger woman pointed out.

He nodded, realising she was right, and laughed. Said reason for the rule was currently dancing with the Scottish doctor, and he smiled as he watched them. He released his hold on Abby, having noticed that McGee seemed to be waiting nervously for his chance to dance with the Goth, and he walked over to Heather, smiling as she turned to face him.

"Guess you're officially family now, Jethro."

"Guess so. Thanks for everything."

She hugged him, her eyes filled with happy tears.

"Thank you for saving my sister's life."

He frowned.

"I didn't. She saved herself. I was just there to help."

"You saved each other, I think."

Kissing her cheek, he gave her a smile, turning just in time to see McGee kiss Abby softly, and he sighed, rolling his eyes. Maybe it was time to retire rule twelve...

* * *

"Keep them closed, Jen. I mean it."

Jenny laughed, shaking her head as Gibbs led her into the bedroom, and sighed.

"They're closed! I can't see a damn thing. If you even think about scaring me, I'm kicking your ass."

He guided her to the bed, helping her sit down and pulled out the letter that he'd given to Abby for safekeeping. Placing it in her hand, he took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay, open."

She opened her eyes, glancing down at the envelope in her hand, and frowned.

"What is this?"

"My wedding gift to you."

Running her finger under the lip of the envelope, she pulled out the letter, her eyes reading it carefully. Tears filled her eyes as she read, and when she had finished, she looked over at him, speechless for once in her life.

"Jethro..." she whispered, "why did you do this?"

"I wanted you to know just how much you mean to me. Whenever you have a dark moment, you can look at this and remember how special you are. How much I love you."

She brought her hand to her mouth, tears dripping onto her fingers, and she pulled him closer, her lips meeting his in a soft kiss.

"I love you."

He reached for her hair, carefully pulling out the roses that had adorned it, and she smiled as his fingers ran through the soft waves.

"You are so beautiful."

She pulled him to her by the tie around his throat, and his hands instinctively went to her waist. Slowly undoing the silk fabric, she carelessly tossed it over her shoulder, and she shoved the jacket from his shoulders. He kissed her deeply, parting her lips with his tongue, and she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt.

"In a hurry, Jen?"

"You know what seeing you in a suit does to me," she whispered as she finally threw the offending item to the floor.

He laughed, his fingers making quick work of the zipper on her dress, and he ran his hands over her exposed skin lightly. She stood up, stepping out of the lace, and as she undid the button on his slacks, he flipped her onto her back. Her soft gasp as he touched her made him want her even more, and he had to force himself to move slowly. He kissed her slow and deep, his fingers slipping into her gently, and she moaned into his mouth as he moved.

Her head was spinning, unable to focus on anything except the feeling of his mouth and hands, and she arched her body into his. He brought her as close to the edge as he could, and when he removed his fingers, she moaned in protest.

"Jethro..."

"Shh..."

He entered her slowly, rolling his hips against hers, and she gasped as his lips found her throat. Sucking her porcelain skin in between his teeth, he moved slightly faster, a low moan falling from his lips. Without warning, Jenny flipped him over, her hair brushing over his face as her teeth nipped at his throat. He shuddered as she moved over him, her nails raking into his hair gently, and her name fell from his lips on a breath of air.

Flipping them again, he brought his mouth to her breast, loving the moan that graced his ears as he moved.

"Oh, _fuck_, Jethro..." she whispered, her head falling back against the bed.

He rubbed his thumb over her clit slowly, causing her breath to hitch in her throat, and she gripped his shoulders tightly. She could feel the pressure building within her body, and she pulled him down to her, wanting to kiss him as she came. It was nearly simultaneous, and she moaned into his mouth as her body shook in his arms. He buried his head in her shoulder, placing a breathless kiss to her collarbone, and she ran her hand through his slightly damp hair.

"I love you so much, Jen," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

He moved to the side of the bed, pulling her into his arms, and he kissed her hair softly. Her fingers trailed lightly up and down his arm, and she laughed quietly as a thought occurred to her.

"You know...I think we're going to have another wedding soon, Jethro."

He frowned.

"What?"

"Tony and Ziva."

Sighing, he raised up to look at her.

"You saw that, too?"

Jenny nodded.

"Kind of hard not to. They were staring at each other the same way we do."

"How is that, exactly?"

She met his eyes seriously, searching the sapphire depths.

"Like they can't stand to lose each other. Like the world makes sense when they look into each other's eyes. Like they would be lost without one another."

He nodded, kissing her gently.

"I would be," he answered seriously.

"Would be what?"

"Lost without you. It almost happened, and it very nearly killed me. I'm never letting you go again."

"You don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere. The only way you're getting away from me is a body bag."

"And let's face it, you'll probably be the one to put me in it," he quipped.

She nodded.

"You know it. So don't test me, gunny."

He laughed, holding her tighter in his arms and she kissed his chest gently.

"Get some sleep, Jen. It's been a long day."

Jenny closed her eyes, tracing patterns on his skin lightly, and when he noticed that her movements had stopped, he ran his hand over her hair. He still couldn't quite believe that the woman in his arms was now his wife, and he smiled as he felt himself falling asleep. How had he gotten so lucky?

* * *

Stretching slowly in the morning light, Jenny swung her feet over the side of the bed, hell bent on finding coffee, and she frowned when she noticed that Gibbs was nowhere to be found. Pouring the rich liquid into her cup, she made her way slowly down to the basement, her mouth falling open slightly in shock when she noticed that his beloved boat was missing from the room. He smiled at her as she walked closer to him, and she frowned.

"It's gone."

He nodded.

"Moved it out a few days before the wedding."

It hadn't occurred to her that she hadn't even been in this room in a few days and she shook her head slowly.

"How?"

He smirked.

"You should know by now that I'm never going to tell you, Jen."

"Where?"

She couldn't seem to speak in more than two-word sentences, and he laughed at her puzzlement.

"I've got a place," he answered mysteriously.

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you are by far the most infuriating man I've ever met."

He smirked, reaching for her hand to pull her closer.

"That's probably true, but you married me, Jennifer Lorraine Gibbs."

Jenny smacked him, rolling her eyes.

"You know, I fully expected you to do that yesterday."

He frowned.

"What?"

"Deliberately mess up my middle name like you always do."

"Nah," he kissed her gently, winking at her, "Didn't particularly want to die before the honeymoon."

She laughed, shaking her head in defeat, and laying it on his shoulder.

"That reminds me, Jen. Did you ever decide about your last name? I know we talked about it, but you never gave me an answer."

She nodded.

"I'm taking yours," she said quietly, "I think Dad would understand."

"You could always hyphenate them if you wanted."

Frowning, Jenny shook her head.

"Jennifer Shepard-Gibbs is too damn long. Who's got time to say that when they answer the phone?"

He laughed at her practicality, but he also knew that she'd done it to remind herself that she did, in fact, belong to someone. That she had someone she could call her home. He would never consider her a possession, but she was his, in the same way that he was hers. No one else would see her smile in the morning or hear her whispered "I love you" at night, and that security was something she had always been desperate for.

His phone rang suddenly, shattering the silence, and he glared at it as he answered it.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Hey, boss. Sorry to bother you on a day off, but is the Director around? I tried calling her, but she didn't answer."

He frowned.

"Why do you want to talk to my wife?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Jenny smiled. It was the first time he had ever referred to her as his wife, and it made her feel happier than she would have ever imagined. He handed the phone to her, and she frowned.

"DiNozzo," he muttered.

"Yes, DiNozzo?"

"Good morning, fearless leader! Sorry to call you on your honeymoon, but I wanted to thank you for your advice on a certain matter. It went perfectly. You're the best."

"I'm glad it worked out. Is there anything else?"

"No, ma'am. Thanks again. I owe you one."

"Oh, believe me, Tony," she laughed, "I'll collect."

She hung up the phone, passing it back to Gibbs, and he glared at her.

"What was that about?"

"Never you mind, Jethro," she said with a smile, "Why don't you make yourself useful and cook breakfast?"

Though he was tempted to protest, he was simply glad that she was eating without having to be reminded of it. He nodded, taking her hand and pulling her towards the stairs. She laughed as he threw her over his shoulder, taking care not to jostle her still-healing ribs, and when he set her down, she smacked him gently.

"I'm not your property just because we're married now."

"Nope, you're just my own personal sex slave."

She laughed outright, rolling her eyes and he kissed her.

"If you ever say that again, I'll rip your tongue out so fast that it'll make your head spin," she threatened.

He shook his head, looking at her seriously.

"Now why would you do that, Jen? There are so many other ways that my tongue can be put to use."

Kissing her hard to prove his point, his tongue explored her mouth carefully, and he lifted her up onto the kitchen counter, taking care not to let her skin touch the coffee pot. Her fingers threaded in his hair, and she moaned as he kept kissing her, as though his very life depended on it.

"Jethro," she said quietly, pulling away slightly, "Why don't we go upstairs and see just how good you really are with your tongue?"

"Thought you wanted breakfast," he said as he kissed her throat.

"Later," she promised.

He helped her down from the counter, and she pulled him to her again, gasping as he lifted her into his arms and headed for the stairs, all thoughts of food far from her mind.

* * *

Their "honeymoon" had only lasted that weekend, and as Jenny sat behind her desk, filling out the forms needed to officially change her last name, she smiled and turned the wedding band on her finger. This was real. It wasn't part of an undercover assignment, it wasn't just to mess with him, and she couldn't have been happier. The intercom beeped, and Cynthia's soft voice filled the silence, causing Jenny to pause her writing.

"Excuse me, Director, Agent Fornell is on line one for you."

"Thank you, Cynthia."

Frowning as she picked up the phone, Jenny took off her glasses and sat back in her chair.

"Gibbs," she answered.

"Woah, that's gonna take some getting used to," Fornell laughed, "Anyway, I hate to tell you this, Jenny, but the FBI is demanding that you turn over jurisdiction on your latest case."

"On what grounds?" she asked carefully.

"Body was dumped there, not killed there. Not your jurisdiction."

"He was carrying dog tags," she protested.

"Not his."

Jenny sighed, running her hand through her hair.

"Fine, but you're the one who has to deal with Jethro."

"Thanks a lot, Jenny."

"Anytime, Tobias."

* * *

Gibbs frowned as his phone rang, and when he answered it, he didn't try to disguise his annoyance.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro, I think it's only fair to warn you that Tobias Fornell is on his way here, demanding that we turn over our case to the FBI."

"What?"

"Unless you can find some way to prove that he was murdered on the base, we have no choice."

"I'll find it. Thanks, Jen."

He hung up just as the elevator doors opened and Abby ran towards him, her hair flying behind her.

"Gibbs! Remember how we assumed that the body had to have been dumped on the base because there were no signs of a struggle? I found traces of the exact paint from the wall of the barracks under his fingernails. He _was_ murdered there. He was locked in the barracks when the gas was released and he tried to claw his way out."

Gibbs frowned.

"Gas?"

She nodded.

"Yeah. I found traces of hydrogen sulfide in his lungs. He was poisoned, Gibbs. Someone locked him in that room intending to kill him, and then dragged the body out to another room to make it look like he'd been dumped."

"What about the dog tags?"

"They were probably already in the room when he was locked in."

He kissed her cheek, making his way to the stairs.

"Good work, Abby."

* * *

McGee frowned as Tobias Fornell walked into the squad room, his eyes scanning it quickly.

"Where is he, McGee?"

He didn't even need to clarify who he was referring to.

"Director's office."

Fornell nodded, walking up the stairs and he paused at Cynthia's desk, inclining his head to the door.

"May I?"

Cynthia nodded, and he knocked on the door, waiting until he heard Jenny grant him permission to enter and he frowned as he approached her desk.

"Jethro," he greeted, "Jenny."

"You get confused about where you're employed, Tobias?" Gibbs asked with a smirk.

"Cute. Look, I didn't want to be the one to have to do this, but my hands are tied."

Jenny sat straighter in her chair and gave him a smile that was far too calm for his liking.

"It's still our jurisdiction, Fornell."

"You can't just ignore a direct order, Jenny."

He handed her the piece of paper outlining said orders and the redhead skimmed it briefly before ripping it in two.

"What are you—"

"Tell him, Jethro."

As Gibbs relayed what Abby had found, Fornell found himself more than a little annoyed at the amused expression on Jenny's face. When he realised that he had no choice but to admit they were in the right, he glared at Gibbs, his eyes livid.

"You really had to sic your wife on me, Jethro?"

"She knew about it before I did, Tobias. You called her, remember?"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you, Director?"

She nodded, a light smile playing on her lips.

"Oh, only slightly more than a lot, Tobias. If your superiors give you any trouble, you tell them to take it up with me."

Somewhat comforted by the fact that Jenny had his back, Fornell nodded, and held out his hand to her. She took it, and he looked at her seriously.

"Still having trouble getting used to the last name, Jenny."

She smirked.

"You have no idea how many times I've almost signed a report incorrectly today."

He laughed and turned to Gibbs, shaking his head slowly.

"Two Gibbs' in one agency...God help us all."

The other agent shook his head as he laughed and led him to the door.

"Nah, the stubbornness in her is all Shepard. She was like that way before I met her. Ask her sister."

As the door of her office swung shut behind the two still-speaking agents, Jenny rolled her eyes and reached for her glasses. This was going to be a long day.

* * *

When she stepped onto the concrete floor of the basement, Jenny was surprised to see a large amount of lumber sitting in the middle of the room. Her husband was nowhere in sight, and she frowned as she turned to walk back up the stairs. She crashed into his body as she turned, and she jumped back, a loud gasp tearing from her throat.

"Jesus _Christ_, Jethro! You scared me to death!"

He smirked and stepped around her, heading for the work table. She made her way slowly closer, nodding to the pile of wood in the center of the basement.

"What's all this for?"

"New boat," he said simply.

She frowned.

"Really?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. I finished the _Kelly_, so it's time for a new one."

Pouring a generous amount of bourbon into a mason jar, he took a small drink, and passed it to her. She accepted it slowly, tipping it back, and she shuddered at the taste. It was so reminiscent of the first time she'd tasted it that he laughed, causing her to glare at him.

"Out of practice, Jen?"

"Shut up."

He poured another drink, watching her from the corner of his eye as she slowly took another sip of the liquid, and she smiled.

"What are you going to name this one?"

"Dunno yet."

Jenny frowned when she tried to take another drink and his hand on her wrist stopped her from raising the glass.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to ask you...I know you've still got a long road ahead of you, and I'm going to be here to help you in any way I can, but...would you build this one with me?"

She was silent, remembering the morning after her attack when he had shown her the proper way to sand the wood, and she frowned.

"I don't know, Jethro. This has always been your thing. I don't want to intrude on that. I can find other ways to cope."

He shook his head, taking her hand.

"You're not intruding. You're my wife, and I want to share this with you. Let's build this together, the same way we've built our lives. You and me, together or not at all."

Finally, she nodded, and he kissed her, nearly intoxicated on the combination of bourbon and something that was uniquely Jenny. As her hands found his waist, he tangled his fingers in her hair, loving the way it slipped through them like water.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"You just said that because you want to watch me screw up this boat, didn't you?"

He smirked.

"Messing up is all part of the fun, Jen."

Though she hated to admit it, he had a point. Every decision she'd ever made had led her to this moment, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't even pretend to regret it. They'd both made mistakes over the years, but it had made them stronger, and she knew that their marriage would be the same way: flawed, but undeniably strong.

* * *

**A/N: Finally, a Jibbs wedding! For anyone curious about the Bryan Adams song, it was "Here I Am". I was listening to my old vinyl records and this song came on, and it was perfect for Gibbs and Jenny. Seriously, give it a listen. Hope you liked it! Only one more chapter to go, and this story will be wrapped up!**


	45. Epilogue

**A/N: Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are: the final chapter in "Shattered". It's been a wonderful journey, and I am somewhat saddened to see it end. You've all been absolutely lovely, and I want to thank you for sticking with me. Your loyalty kept me going even on the days that I didn't particularly feel like writing, and I hope you realise how much you mean to me. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

_February 22nd, 2007  
Four months later  
_

Jennifer Gibbs rolled her eyes as she tried, yet again, to wake her husband from his deep sleep. She reached out to shake his shoulder, and he merely moved farther away from her, causing her to sigh.

"Jethro."

"M'sleeping, Jen."

"Jethro, wake up."

He ignored her, turning over again, and she leaned closer, her hair brushing his face as she brought her lips to his ear.

"Your boat's on fire," she said casually.

He bolted upright, glaring at her as he realised that she was joking.

"Not funny, Jen."

"How else was I supposed to wake you up?"

Glancing at the clock, his angry look only intensified as he read the numbers blinking up at him

"It's 3 in the morning. What is so damned important that you couldn't wait until at least 7?"

Jenny held up her phone, smiling at him.

"David just called me. We're about to be god parents again."

"Heather's in labour?"

She nodded. He swung his feet over the side of the bed, reaching for a clean shirt, and she laughed as he began pulling on his shoes.

"The way you're acting, you'd think I was the one having a baby, Jethro."

"Hurry up," he said shortly.

Pulling on her jacket, Jenny reached for her purse and followed him as he walked quickly down the stairs. She couldn't believe that in a short amount of time, she would be looking at her newest family member, and she smiled as they carefully walked through the snow. Provided that Gibbs didn't drive them into a snow bank first.

* * *

"Aunt Jenny! Uncle Jethro! Mommy's having the baby!"

Jenny smiled as Tori hugged her excitedly, and glanced at Gibbs. He knelt down to be level with her and looked at her seriously.

"Are you going to help your mother take care of her?"

Tori nodded, her eyes bright even in spite of the late hour. David sighed as he walked closer, and nodded by way of a greeting.

"Jenny. Jethro. Sorry about her, she's been like this all night."

Jenny laughed, waving his apology away.

"She's excited, David. After all, it's not every day that you become a big sister."

Gibbs frowned, looking at the younger man curiously.

"Why aren't you with Heather?"

David sighed.

"She kicked me out," he admitted.

"Mommy said a bunch of bad words," Tori added with a laugh.

Jenny nodded.

"Yes, I imagine she did."

They all turned at the sound of a doctor calling David's name, and he looked to his daughter seriously.

"Tori, stay here with Aunt Jenny and Uncle Jethro."

She nodded, and Jenny led her over to the plastic chairs in the waiting room. The little girl was practically buzzing with excitement, and Gibbs smiled at his wife as she pulled her into her lap. There was a strange thoughtful look on the older redhead's face, and he frowned as he looked at her. This was a happy moment, so why did she look so upset?

* * *

As Jenny held Tori on her lap, she couldn't help but wonder what was happening in the delivery room. The thought of childbirth was absolutely terrifying to her, and she felt an almost overwhelming sense of admiration for her younger sister. Her eyes misted over as she realised that she had missed this the first time around with Tori, and she felt an intense feeling of shame wash over her.

She could feel her husband watching her, and she met his concerned eyes slowly. He raised his eyebrow in question, and she shook her head. This was a conversation better left for another time. The doors that led to the maternity ward suddenly opened, and David walked out, smiling broadly.

"Tori, do you want to meet your baby sister?"

Tori jumped down from Jenny's lap, running to her father, and she grabbed his hand, dragging him down the hall. Gibbs laughed, shifting his chair to be closer to Jenny, and he reached for her hand.

"What is it, Jen?"

Shaking her head, she sighed, raising her emerald eyes to his.

"I just...I missed out on so much of Heather's life. And Tori's. All because I was so wrapped up in my own pain that I pushed her away. I feel so stupid."

Gibbs kissed her hand, and gave her a reassuring smile.

"You're here now. That's all that matters."

He leaned closer, kissing her softly, and she smiled as their lips met.

"Sorry to interrupt, but do you want to see the baby?"

Jenny glanced at David, surprised that she hadn't noticed him return, and she nodded. She couldn't wait to meet her newest goddaughter.

* * *

Heather gave them a weak smile as they entered the room quietly, and Jenny gasped softly at the tiny baby resting on her chest.

"Are you okay?" Jenny asked.

Her sister nodded, kissing the top of her newborn daughter's head.

"Perfectly fine. Do you want to hold her, Jenny?"

Jenny nodded, unable to speak and as the tiny bundle of blankets was passed to her, she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face.

"She's so beautiful," she whispered.

"What's her name?" Gibbs asked.

"Lana," Heather replied, "Lana Grace."

Jenny smiled, still staring at the baby, and she pulled the blanket back to get a better look at her face. Lana slowly opened her eyes, locking onto Jenny's as she watched, and she laughed softly.

"Hi, Lana Banana. I'm your Aunt Jenny. I hope you realise how many people love you."

She kissed her forehead, unable to stop smiling, and she reached out to touch the baby's cheek gently.

"You're such a beautiful little girl," she murmured, "and I can't wait to spoil you to death."

As Lana's tiny hand wrapped around Jenny's finger, she couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes. Not that she'd really even tried.

* * *

Gibbs had never seen Jenny look both simultaneously overjoyed and terrified, but that was exactly how he would have described her as she held her newest niece in her arms. Her green eyes were bright with tears, and as she kissed the tiny baby, he found that his own smile refused to leave his face. He took a step closer, placing his hand at the small of her back and leaned close, lips brushing her ear as he spoke.

"You know, Jen...there's still time for you to change your mind."

She laughed, shaking her head and turned to face him.

"No, thank you. Want to hold her?"

He hesitated as he considered her question. He hadn't held a baby in over twenty years, but he found himself nodding without even realising it. Jenny placed Lana into his arms, and he smiled as he looked into her large eyes.

"Hi there, princess. I'm your Uncle Jethro. You're such a precious little girl, and your Aunt

Jenny is right: we're going to spoil you to death. Just don't tell your mommy," he said conspiratorially.

"You know I can still hear you, right?" Heather laughed.

He shrugged, lightly bouncing Lana in his arms.

"You really think you can stop Jenny when she sets her mind on something?"

"Good point," Heather agreed.

"Excuse me...standing right here," Jenny said, rolling her eyes.

Jenny couldn't tear her eyes away from Gibbs as he held Lana, realising that this was how he would have looked as he'd held Kelly when she'd been born. He handed her back to her mother after a few moments, and Jenny walked closer, leaning over to her her sister carefully.

"We'll give you three time alone," she said quietly, "but you'd better bring her by as soon as you can."

Heather nodded, her eyes only for the infant in her arms.

"We will. Thank you for being here, Jenny."

She knew, even as she hugged her sister again, that Heather wasn't simply referring to Lana's birth. She was thanking her for being there for all the moments she had missed out on. For giving her another chance to be a part of her life, and Jenny nodded.

"Always."

She kissed Lana's head one last time before she straightened up, and smiled as she looked into the baby's bright eyes.

"Bye, Lana Banana. I'll see you soon."

"Oh, god...that's going to end up sticking, Jenny."

The older redhead nodded.

"You know it."

Giving both Tori and David a hug as she left the room, Jenny found herself reaching for Gibbs' hand as they walked back down the hallway. Just before they made it to the waiting room, Jenny stopped, and he glanced down at her curiously.

"Jen?"

"She's so beautiful."

He was surprised to see tears shining in her green eyes, and he frowned.

"She is," he agreed.

Jenny was silent for a long moment, and just as he was about to ask her what was wrong, she took a deep breath.

"How could you stand it? Holding her?"

He took her hand, leading her through the waiting room, and as they waited in front of the elevator, he gave her a smile.

"Running away from it doesn't make the pain go away. It took me a long time to figure that out, but I finally realised that I had to face it in order to move on."

She nodded, stepping onto the lift as the doors opened.

"Besides, how could I not hold her? She's perfect."

Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, Gibbs kissed her hair gently, and she smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

Jenny glanced up at him, frowning.

"I feel like we've had this conversation before."

He nodded, kissing her again.

"We have. And we're going to keep having it for the rest of our lives."

"I can't wait."

* * *

Walking down into the basement four hours later, Jenny smiled as she watched her husband sort through the wood he had accumulated for his newest aquatic endeavour. He returned her smile as he straightened up and he dusted the sawdust from his jeans slowly. She reached across the work table, pulling the bottle of bourbon towards her, and as she took a slow drink, he frowned. He was still a bit wary of her drinking, but he knew that he needed to show her that he trusted her.

He walked closer, leaning against the table, and she smiled as he took a drink from the bottle.

"Making any progress?" she asked conversationally.

He nodded, and gestured to the pile of lumber.

"Slowly."

Jenny laughed, walking over to examine the wood, and as she sifted through it, he found himself mesmerised by the sight of her. It was still hard to believe, even after all this time, that she was really his wife, and he smiled. The image of her holding Lana at the hospital was burned into his memory, and he wanted nothing more than to remind her just how beautiful she really was.

Knowing that she wouldn't be able to refuse him, he whistled sharply, causing her to look up, and he smirked.

"Come here," he murmured huskily, beckoning her closer.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled, walking slowly over to him. Her eyes roamed over his body as he leaned against the table and she hooked her fingers into the belt loops of his jeans, pulling him to her.

"Yes?" she whispered.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"Remind me."

His hand went to the small of her back, holding her to him firmly, and he brought his lips to hers in a deep kiss that left her breathless. As her fingers threaded into his hair, she moaned, his tongue sweeping into her mouth urgently.

"Jethro?"

"Hm?"

"Take me to bed," she said, her voice low.

Her eyes were dark with desire, and he nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They all but ran to the steps, removing clothing as they went, and when they tumbled into the bed less than a minute later, Gibbs knew that there was no other place he would rather be. Though they still had a long way to go with many aspects of their lives, they were going to conquer it the same way they had everything else: together, or not at all.

* * *

**A/N: While this story is finished, I'm not leaving this universe behind. I plan on writing a few one-shots set within the "Shattered" realm, so this isn't the last you've seen of these two.**


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